Self-Centered Fear as a Prison You Build One Opinion at a Time – Ralph W.
About This Speaker Tape
Ralph W. shares his story with infectious energy and humor at a Thursday night speaker meeting. Raised in South Los Angeles by a single mother after his alcoholic father was put out of the house, Ralph was a high achiever — class president, straight-A student, all-star athlete — but always trapped in what he calls "the prison of what I think you think about me." Terrified of girls and desperate to be cool, he took his first drink at 16 on a double date, and alcohol instantly did for him what he could never do for himself.
His drinking progressed steadily through college and into his career as a counselor for LA City Schools. He could never keep money — three cars repossessed, zero savings, living paycheck to weekend. He got married in 1980 and showed up so drunk his bride told the preacher to skip the personal vows. He began stealing from his wife's purse, then his daughter's piggy bank. Drug dealers broke into his home four times because of debts. Eventually put out by his wife, he and all five brothers ended up back at their mother's house — six grown men, unemployable, breaking in through rigged fire escape windows while she was at work and disappearing before she got home.
The most painful thread in his story is the Saturday visits with his young daughter. His ex-wife would bring her over, and Ralph — who desperately wanted to be the father his own dad never was — could only last 30 minutes before disappearing to use, returning days later to watch their taillights backing out of the driveway through his tears. On October 11, 1986, at age 33, he entered recovery. The men and women of AA told him "let us love you till you can love yourself," and he grabbed onto the program with desperation and willingness.
In sobriety, Ralph founded the Never Too Early Big Book Workshop in 1987, starting with eight people around his mother's dining room table and growing to over 300 members. He remarried, has a young daughter who has never seen him drunk, and his older daughter — whose piggy bank he once raided — became a junior at UCLA. Three of his brothers are now in the program. His mother, who once suffered a nervous breakdown from her sons' drinking, now sends ministers and deacons to Ralph's workshop. He closes with profound gratitude and a conviction that there is nothing more important than being a participating member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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