Rewrote the Third Step Prayer: Higher Power Get Rid of This Ego, It’s Driving Me Crazy – Ken H.

Hello, everybody. Are we ready for a meeting? Sure. Let's have one. My name is Jeff, and I am an alcoholic. Everybody, welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speaker Meeting at the NAVA Club. We're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more sobriety tells his or her story. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later at abluchipspeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear our speakers. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them. I must have this thing. And with that, I am going to introduce our speaker. Well, I asked him if, well, he looked around the room and said, there's not that many people here tonight. I don't know if because I'm speaking or there's a national championship football game going on. I said, well, it might even be the weather. But with that, I'm going to give you Ken. Everybody, I'm an alcoholic. My name is Ken Horvat. And I had the fond privilege of doing the first Blue Chip Speaker Meeting here 10 years ago. And Tim talked to me and asked me if I'd go ahead and do it again. I have no chip in my brain that tells me time frames. And it was nice. One of the guys I sponsored said he had just been sober. For a couple of months. And he came to this meeting to go ahead and hear me, you know, tell my story. So I'm sure he's not going to be here tonight. My story is not much different than a lot of people's. I didn't think I was a real alcoholic at all. Seemed like I could stop drinking whenever I wanted to. But once I started drinking again, it just got worse and worse. Um, I think. I was 14 when I had my first advantage of going ahead and stealing some alcohol from my dad. I cleaned out one of his Vitalis bottle. Not Vitalis. Yeah, it was Vitalis. And I filled it up with some gin that I stole from his cupboard. And got my hands on some Boone's Farm and some Spagnata. And I drank it all. And I went up to a football game. And ended up getting in a fight. I was a freshman. I went to high school. And, uh, ended up getting arrested and thrown in jail. And my mother came to pick me up. And I was pissing in the jail cell. But the urinal was on the other side. And, uh, you know. I had opportunities to go ahead and walk away from that situation. But, you know, I prided myself on how much I could drink and consume at one point in time. And I did that quite often. And I thought. I thought that, you know, because I can consume large quantities and drive and do the things that I thought I could do normally. That I didn't have a problem with alcohol. Seemed like if somebody said that I couldn't quit something, I could quit it. Quit smoking cigarettes for a year at a time. And all I needed to do was put a wager on it. And be determined enough that I was going to win the wager. And, uh, so. A couple years after I got out. About a year after I got out of high school. I had my first major accident. And, uh, I was going about 80 miles an hour down a two-lane highway. And drove across the double yellow line. Hit this big stone that was marking the side of the driveway that the guy didn't want people running over. And I took a K5 Blazer and I snapped the wheel off. And I drove it another mile. I etched my way across the street. And pulled into a gas station. And the cops came up and they said, have you been drinking? I said, no, sir. You know, somebody just ran me off the road and I hit this rock. And I drove up here and, um, you know, they slapped me on the wrist and let me go. And, uh, that happened a couple more times. I had, uh, two girls and I got, uh, uh, celebrating their, uh, birth and their arrival. Um. On the way home, I got in an accident, both births. And, uh, ended up, uh, you know, getting caught. And the guy said, well, this is, you know, an instance where, you know, you have to be aware of the fact that you have kids now. And you gotta be cautious and you can't do this stuff. And he slapped me on the wrist and let me go. And did it again. And, uh, in 1989, um, I still wasn't confessing. In fact, I was a real alcoholic and I seemed like I couldn't quit. It seemed like any time that I wanted to. And, uh, I had my own business. I had my own house. I had things that I thought were going on in my life. And, uh, I was driving up 400 after playing, uh, we were bowling with a bunch of guys that I had working for me. And, uh, I had this bad tendency to fall asleep at the wheel. And I couldn't relate it to the fact of the stuff that I was doing at that point in time as being the relation to it. But, uh, very cautious. I was going 55 miles an hour in the slow lane, you know, making sure that I wasn't, you know, gonna fall asleep. And, you know, um, lady came across three lanes, cut in front of me, hit her in the back end. She went into the median wall on 400. I pulled along the side of the road to go see if she was all right. And I waited till the cops got there. And I didn't believe that I had a problem. I had drank some that evening, but, you know, I had some dual addictions going on at the same time. So, uh, you know, in consciousness to have a group, I'm just going to relate it to my alcoholism. Um, so, uh, you know, I did the field sobriety test. I was a percentage point below the Richter scale for being legally drunk at that time, which they've downgraded since I was there. So it would have been illegally. I would have been legally drunk at the time if it's fine going by today's standards. But the long and short of it is the lady never woke up from the coma she was in. And, uh, I had to live with the fact that I had the, I was the cause of somebody else's demise. And, uh, I bought it to every degree that I could. I bought the best lawyer and I did what I needed to do. And I really, uh, felt like I wasn't to blame, you know, at least at that point in time in my alcoholism, I felt like I wasn't to blame. Um, later. There's a different set of circumstances for me. It's something that I've had to live with for a while. Um, and, you know, going into the court situation and that kind of stuff. The judge I had said the minimum I would do would be a year in prison. And, uh, I just couldn't face doing that. So I spent the money, did the deal. And, uh, you know, my judge went out of town for a weekend or a week or whatever. It was in the prosecuting attorney said they wanted to offer me a plea bargain. And the judge that I was going to get would give me the plea bargain. So we bargained it down to five weekends in jail, 250 hours of community service, a thousand dollar fine. And I said, fine, I'll take it. You know, I don't want to take any chances. So I went to court and I pled guilty. And the judge goes, I don't think what we're giving you is enough. And I went, oh, my God, you know, I just pled guilty. I could be going away. And, uh, you know, the prosecuting attorney came to my rescue and said, no judge. He hasn't even had a parking ticket. He hasn't had any citations. He hasn't, you know, so they ended up giving me that. They had a five year. probationary period where I wasn't supposed to drive. I wasn't allowed to drive. And I went through that process and did my 250 hours. I did 750 hours. I did my time doing community service. I was a coach for a soccer team. And I went and traveled to Clemson University and took my kids for a week there. So I got 24 hours a day for a week's worth of community service, which was really hard time. I, I just couldn't believe I had a hard time. I had a hard time believing I was a real alcoholic. When I got in the accident, I quit drinking. And I went for that year without drinking any alcohol. As soon as I got my release and I wasn't worried about it anymore, I went back to drinking and it had taken. A new stage in my life. I couldn't stop drinking once I took that first drink. I started hiding it. I started doing it during the daytime, you know, drink some before I got home. So it didn't look as bad when I was drinking some at night. My wife had enough of it. She said, you know, the kids, myself, were leaving. I'm going up to Ohio. And when I close, my mom's house. I'll help her out. You either go to AA or, you know, get some psychological help because, you know, the divorce is pending. So I said, OK, fine. She went up. I took care of the kids for the week. I was so out of whack with reality. The final stage, the day or two before she was coming back, I thought I'd be. I'm team, you know, best dad in the world. So I took my girls up to Amicalola Falls for a hike up the Amicalola Falls. I stopped at McDonald's up there in 53, bought them some happy meals. I had one was three and one was eight. No, it was five and eight. And, you know, I got them the happy meals. I dropped two hits of acid. And I went for my hike. Yeah, this is normal. I'm not going to drink. I can't be an alcoholic. And so when she got back, that was see 91. I quit drinking. I quit smoking pot. And for two years, I didn't have a bed. I quit alcohol before I got in the program in 1993 on February 27th. It was really hard for me to think that I was a real alcoholic because I stopped. You know, I stopped drinking. And so for me to claim I was powerless over alcohol, it just didn't seem right. You know, I quit. You know, I had augmented it all the way through whatever time of absence I had. And I didn't know anything about Alcoholics Anonymous. So when I got in the program, it probably took me about six months before I realized, you know, that first time I took a drink when I was 14, I drank alcoholically. You know, there was no doubt. I was like, how stupid can you be that? You know, I can't recognize the fact that, you know, most people don't drink that much when they're 14. And then drink on a regular basis. I had a great sponsor. You know, I couldn't take the pressure around the household. And even though I had drank for a couple of years, I didn't feel like I had a desire to drink. I was out of my skin when I was completely abstinent from everything and anything. I didn't know what it was like to live a normal life. So, you know, I left on the weekends. I had to get out of the house. Just the pressure was too much for me to go ahead and deal with. And so I went to Hampton Inn. I called this guy's card. He introduced himself at the meeting. And I went up after the meeting to find out more about sponsorship. And the guy gave me his card. He said, go over, talk to this guy, the jolly old man. He was twice my age. And there was a hell of a guy. So I called him up on the weekend that I left. And I figured he wasn't going to answer the phone. It was a business card. Of course, he answers the phone. His business was in his house. He said, well, come on over. You know, I got some guys over here. He's got like a three quarter house. And I'll just stay here. I'm going to watch the playoffs, March Madness and that kind of stuff. And as it went. He said, well, that's fine. I'll come over there. Where are you at? You know, I said, well, I don't really have that much going on. I'll be over there in a little bit. So he came driving over there and he was he said, it asked me a little bit about myself. And I'm not really a talker at that point in time. And about three hours later, I got done talking. And, you know, all I knew was I felt better. You know, something inside of me was going. God, I don't have that pressure going on in my life. I don't feel all this anxiety. And I knew that each time I walked into an AA meeting, I would go to the seven o'clock meeting in the morning because my wife didn't like to get up in the morning. She had the two kids. So that's like, you know, little fuck you. So I went to the early morning meeting. The first meeting I went to was at 81 11. It was a Saturday meeting. I went to first and I couldn't go to the Sunday meeting because I had I was holier than thou. I was going to church on Sunday. And, you know, the truth was, is that, you know, I thought I was better than everybody else. And when they came up to me after the first meeting, the first thing out of my mouth was, well, I haven't drank for two years. You know, it just had to be better. You know, and I went to the Monday morning meeting. Seven o'clock. Meeting at 81 11 club and the only other person there came down from the Alpharetta group and she came in. The guy unlocked the door for us and, you know, told each other story and, you know, read how it works and did the whole bit. And and I knew the next day she might be back there. So I go back again. She never showed up again. There's a year and a half later and all I got stuck with was a bunch of old grumpy guys. But that meeting meant a lot to me. So I would go to seven o'clock meeting, go out and do my thing for a little while. Go back to the, you see, I'd go to the 1130 meeting and then usually eight o'clock or ten o'clock meeting, depending on how much pressure I felt around the house. So I did 90 meetings in 90 days. I probably did 200 meetings in 90 days. My sponsor. Was one that he carried the message no matter what he was doing. If anybody was to announce themselves as a newcomer to the meeting, the guy couldn't see, but he would make sure that he met that person after the meeting, greeted him, sat down with him and talked to him about what was going on with them and why they came here. He spent that time with me. And I try to spend that time with anybody. Everybody that I could possibly do that with. I am, I guess, a white chip wonder. I haven't had a drink. I take that back about seven years into my sobriety. Somebody put a filled up some green alcohol in a soapy bottle and put it in this guy's refrigerator and took one swallow of that. And that was it through the rest of it away. You know, it was an accidental occurrence. And for me, I don't think I had two or three months before I started sponsoring people. I don't know how many people I sponsor. I wouldn't even guess how many it doesn't make any difference because I have enough time to be able to devote. Whatever time is necessary. To anybody else that needs to help in Alcoholics Anonymous. I was able to go ahead and live the program in the program. My first experience with doing my second step was, you know, I had a job go sour on me and everything that the guy said he was going to be able to do. He couldn't do. He already had my money and he called me up in the meeting and he said, sorry, I can't do the job. And I'm like freaking out because, you know, my money's out there. I'm exposed. What am I going to do? And I said, I got to call you back, you know, and I paused and I said a prayer and I said, you know, God, help me out. I don't know what to do. And what do I got here? I got a guy that's honest enough to give me his name and his number and said it's going to work with me as best as he can. And, you know, I'm just going to have to give it to him. And I called him back and worked out the circumstances. I might have lost a little bit of money on it, but I made money in other categories of the job. And, you know, and I walked away from the phone call going, wow, that's how it works. You know, I asked for the strength to do it differently because the normal me would have reached through the phone and grabbed him by the neck, you know, and tracked him down and beat the shit out of him. Something, you know, I just that was not me that was on the phone. You know, I just, you know, I've used those experiences to go ahead and help me work through, you know. It's finding the power greater than myself. I came in with one, but I had to wait to chalkboard clear. And for me, that higher power keeps on changing. You know, turning my will and my life over to the care of God was something that I couldn't really visualize, you know, but I could experience it. I had the good fortune of having numerous. Sponsors as I've gone through the steps. I kept the one original sponsor the whole time, but I had the advantage of going ahead and saying to my second sponsor over breakfast, you know, would you help sponsor me and take me through the steps? He goes, why did you ask me? I said, because I didn't want to, you know, just something in me goes, ah, you know, he was black. He was younger than I was. You know, I was kind of resentful. And I said, no, you know, why am I? Why am I doing this? You know, and so I asked him. And as he took me through the steps again, he showed me different ways of going ahead and approaching some of the things. And, you know, what I ended up doing was as I go through the third step prayer, I wrote it for myself. You know. You know, it said, God, I offer myself to you to build with me and do with me as I wilt. Didn't make much sense to me. You know, it did. But, you know, I was done with the vows, the wilts, the, you know, these. And I needed something that worked for me. So my third step prayer became, you know, God, get rid of this ego. It's driving me fucking crazy. You know, I can't stand myself anymore. Uh, each time. I took a look at myself, you know, I was getting in the way. It was how big do I have to get to get rid of this less than feeling? And, uh, it didn't work. So, you know, I needed some buffer in between my will and God's will. Um, to me, uh, you know, doing the next right thing was too vague for me, you know, because that. That meant I had to pick out what the next right thing was to do. And I do the easier, softer way every time. So I decided I got to do the next thing right. You know, no matter what it is, if I'm eating a bowl of cereal, you know, stop, say a prayer, eat something that's healthy for me, you know, slow down the process, concentrate on what I'm eating, you know, do it. You know, it's such a way that I. No, I said the food I'm eating is a gift. And, you know, I would like to do that each time. The truth is, I might do it every other time. You know, I might forget this. I might forget that. They're all God's will. I don't care what it is. You know, if I've done it, it must have been what he wanted me to go ahead and do at that point in time. So if I forgot to say my prayer in the beginning of my meal, what's wrong with saying that five minutes after I got it done? Yeah, it's still. This will, you know, for me, you know, the realization that turning my will and my life over to his care was just I'm sitting here in the palm of his hands. You know, it's going to take care of things. I've had things that got through my sobriety. That's just rock my socks. I didn't realize how resentful I was until I did my first four step and the good advantage of. My first sponsor had a friend that was a therapist at the time. So I went to him at the same time as I was doing the steps with my sponsor. And I did a kind of a mini four step at that point in time. And I told him all about my relationship with my parents and how it was, you know, with my siblings and all that kind of stuff. And I got done with the conversation. And I go, boy, am I glad that's all done with. And he goes, oh, no, you're not done with it. You just brought it to the surface. You got a lot of dealing to do yet. You know, and I still have a lot of dealing to do yet. My reality is based on my past history. It's not based on reality. It's based on my experiences in the past. You know, I've experienced something that's been negative a couple of times. Well, I believe it's going to be negative most of the time. So I start questioning the way that I do things. You know, I thought my wife was pissed off. It'd be every time I went out golfed. And I emphasize every time, you know. The truth was, is that, you know, probably wasn't the right thing for me to do at certain points in time. But, you know, so I'd sneak out with my clubs and I'd, you know, put them in the back of my truck, you know, go out and play that day and come home. And we'd be sitting at dinner and she'd go, were you golfing today here? Got a lot of sun. You know, I can't lie. Yeah. You're going to watch your eyes roll back and she's all pissed off. So the next time I sneak out, I put sunblock on. I'm not getting caught this time. I'm going to control my life and my circumstances because every time she's going to be pissed off. Until I walk through the fear of every time, you know, I'm going to be stuck. I'm going to be stuck right at day one. Might as well just, you know, give up. I'm doing these things because I believe I know the best thing that's going to happen. It's going to be the way that I say it, how I do it. It's going to change the way that people are going to deal with me, you know, that I'm going to be able to control my life in some way, shape or form. The truth is, I'm not. I'm not controlling anything, you know, until I can get that through my thick head. I'm going to keep on sneaking out with my golf clubs. You know. Thinking that it's going to make a difference how I do it. You know. The relief I got from walking into the house one day and my daughter says, you need to take me to school in the morning. I go, no, I'm going golfing. And my wife's sitting in the other room going, yeah, she should have told you the day before. That was what I was supposed to be doing that day was going golfing. You know, before that, I was to drop everything. Because I didn't. I didn't want to be the bad dad or the poor husband or the, you know, shitty adult, whatever it was. The truth was, you know, I am what I am. For me, you know, when I went through my fifth step and my sponsor wrote down all my character defects. And he gave me in my list when he got done. No, it's like 14 items on the list. You know. I was very defensive. I was judgmental. I was condescending. I was justifying things. And the list went down. But the number one offender for me is being defensive. If I can catch myself at being defensive now, I don't have to be judgmental. I don't have to justify. I don't have to condemn anybody else. I don't have to deal with any of those circumstances. I just have to be able to catch myself at being defensive. Defensive, you know, I don't have to defend anything that's what I'm supposed to be doing. It's fine, you know, still to this day, no matter how many times I do a fifth step, but that's it comes up first. I keep my list. I know what my list is and I have to deal with that on a daily basis. Those things are if I don't change them, I will be the same person that will go back out and drink again because I'll be telling a lie. You know, when I threw my six. And seven step, the responsibility was for me to take that six step, all those character defects and write them down and define them and find out what the definition was for each one of those things. For me, what was it for me to be defensive? You know, what was the for me to be condescending? What is that definition? Because it's different. You know, there's four or five definitions for each one. When I was reviewing my test. That doing that six step work, you know, I had to get to the point where my objective, as far as my sponsor was, was that I had to do 30 days on my knees out loud, recite my character defects. And, you know, it became very obvious to me when I started to be a lie, when it started to be defensive, you know, in the middle of the day when I got on my knees. And I went, I'm doing it again, you know, it's all about becoming more and more conscious about who I am and what I'm doing, you know, am I going to hide and be a liar or am I going to be truthful and do the best I can with whatever the circumstances are, you know, the truth is, if I want to keep on growing in the program, I got to keep on growing personally, I got to be able to recognize the things that I do on a daily basis and try to change. You know, try. Try to change and be a better person today than I was yesterday. Be of service today. You know, there's, you know, the first step in doing any of those things is to go ahead and own the things that I had done, the resentments I had, and find out what my part of it was, you know, doing that nine step work. Everybody does their own 10th step inventory stuff. Might be different than mine. I don't know. A lot of people are visual people. You know, my wife writes out everything. She reads a book. She writes underlines, takes notes. I'm an auditory learner. I can tell you how it works. 12 traditions. I can recite half of the big book because I've heard it. Doesn't mean I know it. Just means I heard it. For me, you know. Growing spirituality wise is an ongoing process. It's something that, you know, my wife's spiritual practice is yoga. She has. She teaches a Y12SR yoga class, which is a yoga 12 step recovery, which is not a basis for recovery. It's a way to amplify your recovery. I go to a meeting a day. I've gone to a meeting a day. I've gone to over 8000 meetings since I got started in the program. I'm an auditory learner. I need a meeting. I go to the first meeting of the day. The reason I go to the first meeting of the day is because I wake up with a bunch of stuff on my brain and I got to clear my plate. I got to get started on my daily practice of spiritual practice by going ahead and talking about what's going on. What's going on with me, either with another alcoholic, with another person, I don't care who it is for me to get some clarity for one reason or another. My brain does not work in certain categories and I can read it. I can recite it. I can do a lot of things, but once I speak it, then I go ahead and I get it a little bit. That's how my learning process is. The whole thing is for me to become more and more conscious of God, of a higher power. And for me, I don't need to even implement any of those things. I just want to become more and more conscious. The more and more conscious I become, the less and less, the more ability I have to ask God for the strength to do what I don't want to do. But I can't do it unless I recognize it. So... The best way for me has been talking with another alcoholic. You know, sharing my experience, strength, and hope. Because I've become more and more conscious for me in being able to do that. When I share my story, I become real. I was telling a story to one of the guys about... I had years in the program. I don't know how many I had at the time. I still don't have a chip up there. That tells me time frames. But I was playing golf with my brother during the weekday. And I probably shouldn't have been playing. I know I shouldn't have been playing. It was a Friday. And I couldn't putt. And he was putting really well. And I borrowed his putter. And one of the guys on the pro tour uses that same kind of putter. Just a Kmart special. So I start hitting these putts. And boy, putts are going... I'm going in. I'm going, I've got to get one of those. So the obsession started. And I come home. I don't want my wife to necessarily know I've been playing golf during the day. So I call her before I'm coming home. I've got to make another trip. And I'm going to be a little bit late. So I go with rush hour traffic out to Woodstock. Because I know there's a Kmart out there. And the Kmart over here didn't have... My club. Beeline out there. Traffic's terrible. You know, I'm suffering the whole way out. Living the lie. Get out there. There's no Kmart. Damn it. I turn around. Go all the way back. Get home. She goes, you get everything done? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did. So I know I got another call. And I just realized I didn't go two more blocks. That's where the Kmart was. So. I'm going to go next morning, Saturday morning. To go out to that Kmart. You know, I find a putter. But it's only in a golf bag already. In a box. You know? Nah, I can't do that. So I go to my appointment. I go to another Kmart down in Sandy Springs. They don't have any putter. But I remember that putter is at the Kmart out in Woodstock, though. So. You know. Make another trip. Make another trip to another Kmart. This is going on for a couple, three days. You know. I don't care what I'm doing. I'm going to go back out. So I go back out to that Kmart. Look around the store. Open up the box. Take out the putter. Look at the clubs. Take the putter. Set it on the shelf. Call the sales guy over. I said, this putter doesn't have a price on it. But it looks like the rest of these. So, you know. So. So. Somebody sells me the putter. It's for 15 bucks. Not even a high quality club, you know. And I get the putter. And of course, I can't putt worth a shit with it. It's not the putter. It's the putter. And I live like that, I don't know, a couple more weeks. And I'm telling the guy the story outside of the clubhouse after one of the meetings. I go. How stupid is that? You know, I just stole the putter. You know. I'm supposed to be sober. You know. Now, I got to go. You know, I tell the guy, I got to go. Say the serenity prayer all the way to my house. Got to call a guy at Kmart. You know. Got to give him back his money and his putter. And, you know. Do the deal. And I call the guy up. And, you know. He said, well, did you steal it? And I said, well, I didn't steal it. I paid for it. He said, I thought I took it. I took it out of the box. And I put it on the shelf. He said, well, we always throw the clubs out. We make sure everybody gets a club and that kind of stuff. It's not a big deal. And don't worry about it. But to me, you know, am I going to live the lie or am I going to live the truth? You know. You know. It's a story about going ahead and getting into recovery. It's not a story about going ahead and stopping drinking. You know. I've got tons and tons of those things that I've done in the past. But, you know, for one reason or another, I could justify what I was doing. You know, to me, to live a sober life is to live like my sponsor lived it. You know. I had a good circumstance going up to the Alpharetta group. Going to a meeting and going up for some coffee afterwards. And I sit next to the guy. And the guy goes, do you remember me? And I said, I kind of remember the face. But it's been like a year before. Since I've been up there. He says, it's been like a year and a half. And he said, Joe, what do you mean? And he goes, well, after the meeting, you sat down and talked to me for an hour and a half. And I have been sober ever since then. I can't remember anything. I don't remember the conversation. I don't remember things five minutes after I get done doing them. But, you know, I had a nice circumstance with Tim. Doing the same thing is, you know, spending some time after the meeting, going ahead and introducing myself, you know, sitting there and seeing if somebody else had something that they wanted to talk about. Of course, I always have my own set of stuff that I need to talk about. But until I get it through my head that my wires are crossed upstairs and unless I spit it out, I'm probably not going to get some clarity on it. I'm no wiser than anybody else. This is in the program. To me, you know, I love living sober. There's nothing better for me in my life than living sober. You know, I might not come back here for another 10 years. I don't know. But in the meantime, I thank you guys for having me for this meeting and appreciate you letting me tell my story. Thank you very much for being here and telling your story. Thank you. And. I believe I've asked Kat to come on up and give out the chips. I'm Kat. I'm not going to lie to you. Here at NAVA, we have a chip system. If you are coming in or coming, if you are coming in or coming back, we have a white chip. After 30 days, 30 nights, we have a silver chip. After three months or 90 days, whichever comes first, we have a red chip. Yellow chip for six months. Green chip for nine months. Blue chip for years. Or multiples thereof. My name is Preston Moore. I'm Tim's son. I'm back here from college for a little bit of break. You know, there's, there's, I was thinking while I was driving over here what I was going to say. Realized about halfway through Kenny talking, I was just going to throw that out the window. And, you know, there's a quote that I like a lot that says, you haven't lived until you've given somebody something. And they can't give you back. You know, I'm giving my dad a chip. But you gave him and you gave his family something that we could never give you back. You gave him his life back. I want to know that today we're celebrating him. But today we're celebrating all of you that come here and are there for the people when they need them most. Preston, I'm Tim. I'm an alcoholic. 13 years. I started working with this meeting. And just about 10 years ago, and I was fortunate, the first person I had was Kenny come tell his story. So, but we're still around in 10 years. But, you know, real quick, I've been, without telling my story, it was really bad. And I was living in Lawrenceville by myself. And I'd been to some meetings. But I started driving out from Lawrenceville to 8111 to the 615 AM meeting because I couldn't sleep. I picked up a white chip a couple of weeks earlier. But I was detoxing and sick and miserable and sweaty. And I'd just go out there and wait for the meeting to start so I'd have somewhere to go. And I went for about a week. And one day I didn't rattle in the meeting. I actually shared what was going on with me, which was everything was awful. And Kenny walked up to me and shook hands. And we started talking. And he became my sponsor that day. And what he was talking about. And by the way, that meeting, he'll still be there at 615 tomorrow morning, 13 years later. And he'll still be talking to a newcomer if there's one there. We sat down and talked for about, it seemed like a long time, probably 30 or 40 minutes. And I got up to leave. And the one thing I remember he said, the only thing, is he touched me on the shoulder and said, Now, you won't ever have to feel like that again. And I walked to my car, and I've never felt like that again. Because I found hope that morning. I realized there was a way out. And I love the saying that, you know, I just showed up here. It's like water skiing. And I just showed up here and held on. And you pulled me up. And you're still keeping me up. So, love y'all. Thanks a lot. My name is Mark. I'm not a pilot. Tim, come up here a minute. This is my sponsor, Tim. I went out of here six and a half years. I came here in 1998. Couldn't stay sober. Using drugs and everything. I went into treatment. I came back to Napa. The seed was planted. Went into this room next door. I had this guy named Bob Muddleston sponsor me. He told me, he didn't say nothing. He pointed at Tim. And at that time, Tim had five months. And sober. And Tim offered to be my sponsor. And I knew I had to do this thing then. And that's been 13 years ago. And I've been sober 13 years. And I'm going to give him a sponsor chip for being my sponsor. And he got a sponsor. Says, my friend, my script, my sponsor. He go in. Do you have any other birthdays? How about any other reconsiders on the white chip? All right. Thank God for the chips you hold. Thank you, one and all, for joining the Blue Chip Speaker Meeting tonight. Thank you.