Raised an Atheist, Saved by a Butterfly — Higher Power Lives in the Seeking, Not the Catching – Bob C.

About This Speaker Tape

Bob C. delivers a masterful, humor-filled talk at the Waterloo, Iowa AA convention in 1982, drawing the crowd in with his trademark "sure you are" greeting from his Pasadena home group. With 19 years of sobriety after 13 years of painful in-and-out relapses starting in 1949, Bob uses vivid storytelling to illustrate the alcoholic mind — contrasting his own desperate need for what booze did with his father who stopped at a can and a half of beer, and his Navy brother who wanted to leave the bar while Bob still had money.

Bob shares two powerful metaphors that anchor the talk. First, the ear of corn with missing kernels — alcohol filled in all his character defects and made him feel whole, temporarily. Second, the Knights of the Round Table — everyone in gorgeous armor looking fine from the outside, but inside his suit was a skinny, scared, sweaty little man saying "I'm fine" to every inquiry. He explains that AA is the place where people finally lift their visors and let others see what is really inside.

He tells the crowd about holding up the hotel he lived in on Memorial Day 1946 — walking from the bar to the front desk, making a finger-gun in his pocket, and robbing the clerk who knew him by name. Seven minutes later he was on his way to San Quentin, where he became the radio announcer for "San Quentin on the Air." After years of slipping despite doing everything in AA except the simple things — calling someone and admitting he was struggling — Bob finally became willing to go to any length.

The talk builds to a spiritual crescendo. Raised an atheist, Bob resisted Higher Power until a speaker compared the pursuit of Higher Power to children chasing butterflies — if you catch it and try to analyze it, it dies in your hand. Just watch it work. He closes with the words of Ellen Salazar, who after freezing onstage said the closest any of us will come to finding Higher Power is in the seeking, and in the sense of love and gratitude.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bob opens with humor, teaches the crowd his Pasadena home group's 'sure you are' greeting
• 5:00 Talks about being fattened up by Iowa hosts, sings happy birthday for Charlie M.'s 35 years
• 12:00 Describes his first AA meeting in Downey — room full of old men, Joe's birthday cupcake, utter confusion
• 20:00 Social drinker definition — father who stopped at a can and a half, brother who said 'we've had enough'
• 28:00 Ear of corn metaphor — alcohol filling in missing kernels of character, and the Knight of the Round Table armor story
• 38:00 Anonymity discussion — leaving titles and degrees at the door so we meet on common ground
• 45:00 San Quentin story — held up the Lafayette Hotel on Memorial Day 1946, sentenced to life, became radio announcer inside
• 55:00 Jim Kelly story and the power of tapes connecting strangers across the country
• 65:00 Why he kept relapsing for 13 years — never called anyone, never lifted his visor, atheist resistance to Higher Power
• 78:00 Butterfly metaphor for finding Higher Power, locomotive bell amends, and Ellen Salazar's words about love and gratitude