Queens Big Book Study – Part 5 – Gary B. – 2008

About This Speaker Tape

A raw, unfiltered discussion on the sexual inventory and the mechanics of the Fifth Step. Gary and Marie dismantle the 'shopping list' approach to partners, instead focusing on a personal sexual ideal based on honesty and the removal of selfishness. Gary recounts a grueling, high-efficiency Fifth Step marathon in a motel room, swapping inventories with nine different men in a single weekend to strip the 'wind' out of his secrets.

The conversation shifts from the 'slam bam thank you ma'am' nature of past detachment to a slow, psychic change toward intimacy. They touch on the danger of 'meeting intimacy'—the obsessive mental wandering that occurs when one disconnects from their partner—and the necessity of letting the air out of the 'inflatable dragon' of shame to find genuine connection.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Discussion begins on the Fourth Step and the nine critical questions for the sexual inventory.
• 4:15 Gary discusses the 'Higher Power's joke' of changing sexual drives in marriage over time.
• 6:30 Marie discusses the 'red light' of obsessive thoughts and the danger of intimacy found in meetings.
• 12:10 Gary discusses the disconnect between sex and love, describing his past as 'slam bam thank you ma'am'.
• 15:40 Story about a frail woman on Colfax Avenue and the danger of treating people as 'opportunivores'.
• 21:10 Definition of selfishness ('mine and you can't have it') vs. self-centeredness ('yours and I'm going to get it').
• 24:30 Step 5: Gary describes the motel room marathon of swapping inventories with nine different men.
• 31:10 The 'inflatable dragon' metaphor for the Fifth Step and the release of secrets.
• 33:20 Laughter: Marie discusses the 'big leagues' of alcoholic drama vs. the 'wimpy' nature of some Al-Anon experiences.