Our Family Crest Features a Wine Bottle and a Pair of Handcuffs 🤣 – Jimmy T.
About This Speaker Tape
Jimmy T. from San Diego shares his story as a fifth-generation alcoholic whose family crest, he jokes, features a wine bottle and a pair of handcuffs. He describes a childhood with an emotionally distant alcoholic father and a saintly mother who relieved stress by lighting firecrackers — and once accidentally detonated a diver recall bomb on the living room rug. He started drinking at 14 while spearfishing in Mexico and spent his youth racking up arrests for stunts like mooning the Coronado ferry passengers, prompting a judge to tell him he wasn't a criminal, just a pest.
Jimmy built a dream life running a dive shop in San Diego until a severe head injury left him with intractable grand mal epilepsy. Stripped of his ability to dive, drive, or work, he crawled into a bottle and drank from morning until he passed out. Twelve abdominal surgeries for internal bleeding followed, along with nearly two years in a mental institution where doctors inexplicably gave shock therapy to an epileptic. Through it all, he told doctors he would never drink again — and was drunk within a week each time, illustrating the book's teaching that fear alone has no staying power against alcoholism.
A spiritual awakening in the hospital changed everything. Jimmy realized his powerlessness, remembered two former drinking buddies who had gotten sober in AA, and decided he would do whatever the program asked. He walked into his first meeting at the Lemon Grove Alano Club and was drawn in by the sound of laughter. His first year was rough — auditory hallucinations, violent shaking, and memory so poor that a man drove him home seven nights in a row without Jimmy recognizing him. When he had a seizure at 30 days sober, a dozen members came looking for him, and he knew he had found something real.
Jimmy found a sponsor, finished all twelve steps in six months, and two years into sobriety his neurologist was stunned to find his brainwave pattern markedly improved — the epilepsy simply stopped. He credits the spiritual principle from the Big Book that when the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. Despite 37 surgeries, six strokes, two heart attacks, and cancer, Jimmy remains sober and active in service, closing with a warning against complacency — sobriety is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition, and those who stop doing the work are defenseless when trouble comes.
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Timestamps
Full Transcript
My pleasure to introduce our main speaker, Jimmy T. from San Diego.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hi, everybody. My name is Jimmy. I'm an alcoholic.
Got stuff to read up here. I also told I can talk to till 825 to 827.
And I'll make it....
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hi, everybody. My name is Jimmy. I'm an alcoholic.
Got stuff to read up here. I also told I can talk to till 825 to 827.
And I'll make it....
My pleasure to introduce our main speaker, Jimmy T. from San Diego.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hi, everybody. My name is Jimmy. I'm an alcoholic.
Got stuff to read up here. I also told I can talk to till 825 to 827.
And I'll make it. You know, if you see it, I have great fear of going over and having a trap door.
I'm standing on open up and slide down into the basement and wind up at the COTA meeting or some deal like that.
And I don't want to do that. Mark, good job.
Wherever he went. There he is. Yeah, good job.
So I what I usually talk about is what we used to be like, what happened and what's now.
And, you know, so many people, they get up here and they they say what it was like, you know, and it's not what the damn book says.
The book says what we were like. And, you know, you can have somebody that lives on the highest hill in Las Vegas with the biggest house and the best cars and airplanes and boats.
And.
And that person doesn't really have a lot in common with the guy that's wandering around on Skid Row and has his entire estate in a shopping cart.
But what is the same is the way they feel.
The way you feel when you're an alcoholic and you get down to the end, there's nothing else to do.
And that's when that moment of willingness comes around for those of us who are fortunate enough to make it.
Yeah, I apologize.
My voice.
I don't know what happened to it, but sometimes it sounds like a herniated frog and sometimes like, I don't know, like a squirrel or something.
So if you if you can't hear it, you may be screwed up a little bit.
There's an empty chair next to our beautiful secretary.
Anyway, thank you guys for the invitation.
And thank John.
John Cloud and I have known each other since we're about 24 years now.
John lived in San.
Diego most of their all that time, and I'm going to tell you something about what happened with him and his little group.
There were, I believe, six of these guys.
They came in together.
They got the same sponsor, and I never saw a single one of those guys without a coat and tie on or just a tie helping doing a job at the meeting.
They always had service every single time.
And they.
They were always there, willing to help.
And, you know, as a result of that, 24 years later, I understand one guy had a slip, but the rest of them are all sober.
Twenty four years and they're all sober and they're all involved in service.
So if you're thinking about what you want, if you're new, you might want to think about that.
Get involved in service right away.
I don't think you know.
I don't believe that.
I've ever not had a job in a when I got sober, I was really a mess.
And my first job was that of a coffee maker's assistant.
And I'm serious.
They did not feel that I could actually make a pot of coffee.
And I probably agree with them.
But you see, the one thing that I learned, the one thing that I knew is that if for some reason.
I didn't show up, they would have to cancel that meeting.
So, you know, at first I didn't you know, sometimes I didn't want to go.
I didn't feel good and I have to say, ah, I got to go because they won't they won't have a meeting without me.
And I've always had service.
It's always been a part of and it's it's a huge part.
It's been a huge part in me developing my personality in AA.
I am just not the same person that came here.
And.
And anyway, I come to talk about my background, I'm a fifth generation alcoholic, my dad, his dad, two more generations.
And that's as far back as I can trace it.
There may be others.
I don't know our our family crest features, a wine bottle and a pair of handcuffs.
And our.
Our motto, our family motto is you really don't understand, and it served us well.
My dad was a drunk.
He was a working drunk and him and I had an off again, on again relationship.
But I was involved in athletics a lot when I was a kid.
And, you know, we go home from a ball game and you'd see all the other kids, their dads who put them on their shoulders.
Or pick them up.
Or my dad never touched me.
And even as a little kid, that used to bother me.
And he would do, you know, he'd do other things like every time I went to jail, he was there to get me out.
And when I got older, I got to return the favor.
And that's that's called male bonding in our family.
But, you know, these are the things that I just haven't, you know, my relationship with.
It was strained and then it got worse.
My mom didn't drink.
She was a saint of a woman and she really was.
She was a great gal.
She had one little one little thing that she had.
She had to do something with all this pressure.
She's got an alcoholic son.
She's got a daughter with all kinds of emotional difficulties.
And she got married to an alcoholic.
So what the hell is she going to do?
One of my friends or somebody left up a shoebox full of firecrackers.
At our house.
One time.
This is when I'm young.
And she figured out that if she lit a firecracker off during times of stress, she would actually feel better.
And that went on for quite a while.
And one of my friends, a military guy, left a diver recall bomb, which is about a third of a stick of dynamite.
And she lit it one time.
I can't remember what the occasion.
Was.
But God, what a noise.
You know, nobody in our family could hear for about a week and that, you know, you could smell that thing, you know, she literally threw it on the rug is what she did.
And there was no rug there for a while, you know, it was.
That's how she got through life.
I I started to drink when I was really young.
I got drunk for the first time when I was about 14 years old.
I was down in Mexico spearing fish.
And I got.
I got drunk.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I felt great.
There was no pressure.
There was no anything.
I just felt good.
And I couldn't understand why anybody else would not do that because it felt so damn good.
Or like Mark said when he was talking is I had a lot of fun drinking.
I did, too.
I had a hell of a lot of fun.
I had a hell of a lot of fun.
I had a hell of a lot of fun drinking.
And I personally believe that if you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and you didn't
have any fun drinking, you got screwed.
And, you know, I did.
I got in a lot of little tiny times of trouble myself and a bunch of other guys.
We just we didn't have any goals in life.
I don't think everybody else was making plans and going to school.
And.
We just wanted to get drunk.
And one of the things we had that that would come up now and then was a little saying that
I used to do.
It was, hey, I got an idea.
And every time you heard that, it was going to result at least in a court appearance and
perhaps some jail time.
And, you know, they're just little silly ass things.
We went over to we're going over to Coronado one time, which if you've never been to San
Diego, it's a little island there.
And there's had a strand.
And we were on the ferry.
Now, for you young people, that kind of ferry I'm talking about the boat and it carried
cars and people.
And we're on the thing and we're in the front row.
And as we start to pull into Coronado, one of my buddies goes, hey, I got an idea.
Let's moon these guys.
And that was one of the stupidest things anybody ever said.
But we did it anyway.
You know, it was by God.
And, you know, I don't really think any of us realized how sensitive the people that
live in Coronado are, because by the time that boat docked, there were cops everywhere.
And we all went off to the Coronado City Jail, which is my which remains my, you know, I
had just gotten out of the Tijuana jail.
So it was an upscale experience for me.
And it still remains my favorite jail that I was ever in.
And I had a judge tell me one time, I can't.
Oh, yeah, I do know what I was doing.
I was drunk walking around.
And do you remember those S&H green stamp things?
Now, I found one of them and I put it in front of a mortuary.
And so I just thought that was the best place for it, I guess.
And when I went to when I went to court over that, the judge who knew that I was going
through me looked at me.
He said, Taylor, in my chambers right now.
And I went back there with him and he said, you know something?
You're not a criminal.
You're just a screw up.
And he says, what you do is you come in here.
You waste my time.
You waste the course time.
You waste everybody's time.
You're nothing but a pest.
Now get out of here.
And he let me go.
And.
It was a blow to my ego, I'll tell you that.
I thought I was a criminal of some kind.
And I never was.
I just wasn't.
And, you know, my life went on like that.
I got the best damn job a guy like me could have.
I've always had a relationship with the ocean.
And I'm running a dive shop, running a dive shop, teaching diving.
And this is the stuff I live for.
Being in the water.
And I was doing this and having a wonderful life.
I got married.
We had a couple of kids.
I am just doing perfectly.
And then I was in an accident.
And the accident, I got a terrible blow to the head.
And it left me with epilepsy.
The grand mal kind.
The kind that just did not respond to treatment.
Not respond to treatment of any kind.
Medications.
Any of that stuff.
And I go from one day of teaching diving, running a dive shop, being underwater a few hours a day.
To no.
Nothing.
I can't do that.
I can't go diving.
I can't run anything.
I can't drive a car.
Climb a ladder.
Do anything.
And that was one of the most painful parts of my life.
Because for the next number of years, I just felt sorry for myself.
I had figured out by then that that was the worst thing that ever happened to anybody in the history of this world.
And all I did is I got myself a bottle and crawled in.
And that was one of those things that I...
I started drinking in the morning.
Soon as I got up, I had to drink.
And I quit drinking as I passed out.
Get up the next day and do the same damn thing.
Every sober breath was spent feeling sorry for myself.
And what happened...
This is for some of you who are maybe just starting your relationship with this program.
Is...
One day I wake up and I got...
I had to vomit, which is not unusual.
But it came out bright red.
So I had to go to the hospital.
And in the hospital, they opened me up and they fixed the leak.
And it's not...
That's not a medical term, but they fixed the leak is what happened.
And they put me in the hospital.
And in a couple of days, I'm ready...
In about three or four days, I'm ready to go home.
Doctor comes in.
And the last thing he says...
The last thing he says is,
Jimmy, you cannot drink anymore.
It's going to kill you.
And I looked at that doctor and I said,
Doctor, I am never going to drink again.
And I meant it.
No, I mean, I was serious.
And it didn't work.
I was drunk in a week.
I'm back in there another time.
I'm squirting blood.
And I go in.
And the same drill.
Go to the surgery.
Come out of surgery.
And they move...
This one, I should have quit then.
But they move you from the intensive care to the standard or substandard care, wherever you go.
And the way they do that is that four nurses, each one grabs a leg or an arm.
And they slide you.
And they slide you onto a gurney from where you were.
And they go, one, two, three.
And one of those times, one of those angels of mercy was standing on my catheter.
And it's a pain I can remember to this very damn day.
And the doctor gave me the same thing.
And I told him the same thing.
And I told him, Doctor, I'll never drink again.
And I had about a week.
Staying sober.
There's something about being sober or not drinking because of fear that is not...
Has no longevity.
You know?
That fear is transitory.
The worst situation, okay, I got all of this stuff happening.
I just, you know, I had the worst day of my life.
All this stuff happened to me.
And I'm not going to drink again because I'm afraid.
Well, in a few days, that fear goes away.
And it talks about it in the book.
The alcoholic is unable to recall a sufficient fourth.
The suffering of a month or a week ago.
He is without defense against the first drink.
So what?
I didn't have anything work for me until a few years later when I got here for the absolute right reasons.
But back during that time, I was...
I had 12 abdominal surgeries.
All the surgeries identical to that.
And then a whole bunch of other stuff.
All from the alcoholic.
But without my shirt on, it looks like I got my ass kicked by Zorro.
There's just...
There's scars all over my belly.
And...
You know, it still hadn't gotten me going.
The state of California took a look at me right then and said,
Boy, you got some troubles.
And they became my higher power.
And they put me away.
I went through a lot of those things where they put you in a psych unit on a hospital.
They finally put me into a mental institution.
And I was there for almost two years.
And it wasn't...
I wasn't...
I didn't stay there that long because I was good at making moccasins or anything like that.
You know, as a matter of fact, all I ever did there is I got shock therapy,
which is something you don't do to people.
You don't do to people that have epilepsy.
But, you know, I think it was probably a Sunday
and a couple of doctors sitting around, you know,
and they've got nothing to do.
They're bored.
And they go...
The board goes,
Hey, I got an idea.
And that's where it came from.
They lit me up.
You know,
Light this guy up.
See what happens.
And...
And I did...
I did...
I never made...
I never made moccasins.
I made a belt once.
And I've still got it.
It's a belt that...
Well, you know...
Well, anyway, I've still got it.
And, you know, in the evening sometimes when...
You know, my wife and I are having dinner,
party,
people are over visiting,
and they start to talk about lifetime achievements.
And that is when my wife will go on in
and pick up my belt
for everyone there to admire.
You know, it's a...
It's a proud moment for both Pat and I.
And...
What happened...
I guess I better...
I better get sober here right now.
Yeah, I got 25 to 27 minutes.
I've got that little two-minute thing here
that I'm working on.
I was...
I was moved from the...
from the nuthouse to a regular hospital.
I got very, very sick.
And when I was in that hospital,
something happened.
And it was one of those things we call the burning bush.
It was an immediate spiritual awakening.
If it wasn't a burning bush,
it was at least smoldering leaves
or some damn thing like that.
But something happened.
And what happened...
I woke up one day.
I'm in the bed,
and everything's the same,
but it doesn't seem the same.
And I know right then
that I am powerless over alcohol.
Now, I had spent many, many years,
many years defending my right to drink,
defending my alcohol abuse.
And at that time, laying in that bed,
I knew that I was powerless over alcohol.
And this is not something I could play with.
This is something that was life and death,
and it was right now.
And I know a lot of people say
they have trouble with the second half of the first step.
Well, I'd been locked up for a couple of years,
and there's really no way that I could say
my life was manageable.
You know, it's pretty damn unmanageable
when you've got that little wristband on you,
you know, and you're staying there.
So, I didn't know it,
but I'd taken the first step,
admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
Our lives were unmanageable.
I had taken that, and I didn't know it.
Now, this is in the same deal.
I knew two guys.
These guys were kind of like me.
You know, they're just the real bottom feeders.
And they got sober in AA.
And I heard about it.
And I heard one of them even got a job.
Geez, I didn't know if I was going to do that,
but it sounded good.
And I knew these guys weren't lying.
They did get sober.
And I went to...
I went to...
I got to thinking,
and I decided
that I was going to churn my will.
I knew about this.
You know, I became aware of this,
that AA could do things
because of these two yo-yos that I used to know.
And I didn't realize it,
but I'd taken the second step.
Came...
Yeah.
You know, since I've gotten old,
I have a brain disease.
That's no kidding.
And my head doesn't work very well.
I can't believe that a...
that a power greater than me
could restore me to sanity.
I can't...
I can't believe I can't remember that.
But it happens.
I have something called white brain.
And it's...
My...
Big parts of my brain
are completely occluded with plaque.
And unfortunately, one of those is...
memory part.
And it gets hard for me to remember things.
Anyway,
I made a decision right there
that as soon as I got out of that hospital,
I was going straight to AA.
And I was going to do whatever you guys asked me to do.
And that's the third step.
Made a decision to churn our will and our lives
over the care of God
as we understood Him.
Some of the most important were the four words.
As we understood Him.
That's what gives us the leeway in this program.
That's how come the Catholics and the Baptists
can sit together.
And it's because this is not...
It's not religion.
Religion divides people.
This is spirituality
and it does the opposite.
It brings people together.
We were over at Richard's house having dinner tonight.
You know, and John tells me
they had up to 50 people there.
See, that's the fellowship
and it's important too.
I've heard people say,
well, you know,
I believe in the program
but not the fellowship, you know.
It doesn't make any sense, you know.
What the heck?
Somebody's going to get drunk
if you go to a potluck?
You know, it just doesn't make any sense to me.
But over there, everybody's eating.
He's kind enough to put this on.
And what they're doing
is getting this meeting ready to go.
So the two, the fellowship and the program,
come together
because they're getting the meeting ready to go.
I couldn't go to AA right away
because I couldn't walk.
I got out of that hospital
and I was just about dead.
And they took me...
They took me over to my mom's house
and I stayed there for about a month
and then I felt I could walk again.
And I walked into my first AA meeting.
And the thing I remember,
the very first thing I remember
was the laughter.
I could hear it before I got up to the building.
I could hear people laughing.
And that was really attractive to me.
I walked in the door
and a man comes up to me
and he said,
You can't stop drinking, can you?
I mean, I didn't know how he knew I was a newcomer.
I used to smoke cigarettes.
I used to smoke cigarettes a long time ago.
I didn't have any clothes
that didn't have little holes in them.
And I hadn't shaved in about six months.
I had this really ratty beard.
I couldn't keep losing blood.
Anyway, this guy comes up to me
and I'm obviously new.
And he asked me that question,
You can't stop drinking, can you?
And I told him the answer.
I was honest with him
like I had never been honest with people
since as long as I could remember.
I told him, No, I can't.
And what he said to me was,
Well, neither can I,
but together we can.
Aha!
That made sense to me.
And I sat down.
I went to my first AA meeting.
Back then, I had auditory hallucinations
for the first year.
And I'm trying to make friends,
so I'm just answering everybody I hear.
You know, Hi!
The other one, Really?
No kidding. Boo!
And these people,
nobody wants to sit next to me
because they don't want to listen to this guy.
They want to listen to the speaker.
And I was just sitting there yacking away.
And I also,
I shook so bad.
I was like that ready kilowatt guy,
that electrical symbol.
You know, if somebody comes near me,
I go, Aha!
Coffee would go up,
and nobody wanted to sit next to me
because they wanted to hear the speaker,
and they preferred to stay dry.
And I was there,
and I listened.
I had an incredible gift the first year.
I was unemployable.
And that was the Lemon Global Mono Club.
I got there at 6 in the morning when it opened,
and I left at midnight when it closed.
I went to every meeting I could,
and the rest of the time I sat around the kitchen
and talked to the guys that had been sober long.
I spent every day doing that,
and I did it for the longest time.
And I remember as soon as I first got moving around,
I remember this guy,
offered me a ride.
He said,
He said,
Do you have a ride?
And I said,
No, I'll walk, I guess.
And he said,
Well, jump in.
I'll give you a ride.
And we got going down the road,
and he said,
Where do you live?
And I said,
I'm not sure.
And I couldn't remember where I lived.
And so he said,
Okay.
And we'd drive a little while,
and he'd stop.
He'd say,
Anything familiar?
No.
He'd drive a little more.
See anything familiar?
Oh, that thing.
I mean, that's a fire hydrant.
They're everywhere.
And finally,
after about 45 minutes,
we found my mom's house where I was staying,
and I got home.
And see,
I'll tell you how screwed up I was.
The Lemon Grove Alano Club
is on Central Avenue
in Lemon Grove.
My mom lived on Central Avenue
in Lemon Grove.
I was just down the street,
but somehow I got it screwed up.
And it was another guy
that started giving me rides,
and I'm not aware of what's going on,
but this guy tells me
he gave me a ride home from that club
seven days in a row.
And on that last day,
I looked at him and said,
Have I ever met you before?
I was really amiss.
But, you know,
as much as there was,
you know,
that's what was there to work with.
And I remember when I got to thinking
I might make it,
I was just around 30 days sober.
And I was sitting in this little tiny meeting,
you know,
just like one of those,
you know,
the standard AA table.
You put about six people around it
or eight people.
I'm sitting there,
and there's about half a dozen of us.
And I happen to be sitting
on one end of the table.
And on the other end of the table
is a guy sitting there,
and he's got this big parrot,
one of those white ones,
you know,
like Beretta head.
And, I mean,
that is a good-looking bird,
you know.
And I want to say something about it.
You know,
I really want to say,
Hey, you know,
that's a great-looking bird.
But I'm afraid if I say something like that,
if I say,
Hey, I really like that bird,
he's going to look at me
and say,
What bird?
Because I had a long history
of seeing things you folks
were not privileged enough to see.
And so I kept my mouth shut.
And thankfully,
this guy had been around
for a long time.
He said,
He goes,
Hey, look,
that guy's got a bird.
I said,
Damn,
I might make it here.
You know,
I just might make it.
And I got a little challenge,
and a few days after that,
I had a seizure.
I had a seizure
in the clitoris.
I was in a club
during the noon meeting,
which had a little over
100 people at it.
And,
you know,
there's something about epilepsy.
I could never go back
to a place
where I'd had a seizure.
I don't know,
people always looked at me funny,
or my imagination,
or hell,
I never went back there.
I don't know what they looked,
you know,
but I was just,
I could never go back.
Now,
here I am.
I haven't had a drink
in 30 days.
And at that time,
I walked into this thing.
And,
now how can I go back?
I can't not go back
because there's 30 days of sobriety.
So I put together
every little bit of energy
and every little bit of courage I had,
which certainly wasn't much,
and I went back in.
And,
about a dozen people
come up and grab me
and shook my hand
and hugged me.
And I found out
there were a couple of people
that thought they knew where I lived
and were knocking on doors.
You see,
that's Alcoholics Anonymous.
And that's the love
we have in AA.
It's not something
you find other places.
I had that
and hell,
those things became
part of the meeting.
You know,
I'd have them frequently
and I'd bring the AA rescue squad out.
There's a,
you know,
I think you have to weigh 250 pounds
to join that.
You know,
and I'd go down
and they'd,
yeah,
get him,
yeah,
put a chair in his mouth.
Put a bag over his head.
Don't let him,
I don't know if you guys thought
I was going to escape or what,
but I'd be laying there
and I'd have all these people
on top of me.
Ken D.,
a friend of John's and mine.
Well,
if you have speakers from around,
he's probably,
I'm sure he's been here.
But Ken,
he weighed about 250 pounds then
and he's on top of me
along with somebody else
thinking they're doing good stuff.
And I'm,
I can hardly breathe.
And I'd come out of that
about this thick
and about like that wide,
looked like a halibut.
Both eyes on one side.
But,
you know,
what had happened is
all of that,
all that power
just got pulled right away.
You know,
I've heard every damn
epileptic joke there is.
You know,
I've got,
you know,
like,
what do you do
when,
if an epileptic has a seizure
in your bathtub?
You know,
I've heard every damn
epileptic joke there is.
You know,
I've got,
you know,
like,
what do you do
when,
throw your clothes in?
You know,
I didn't say they were good.
They're not.
They're crappy.
But I sure heard a lot of them.
And,
you know,
it's just,
AA did what it needed to do.
Two years after that,
I'd had a period
of about
three,
four months.
And,
it was time for me
to go see the doctor again,
the neurologist.
I went in there
and I said,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
I went in there to see him
and I said,
you know,
now it was a little longer
now,
it was two years,
I was a little over two years sober and I said,
doctor,
I have really changed my life,
I don't drink anymore
and,
you know,
my life's different.
What are the chances of these things ha-
just stopping?
And he looked at me
and he said,
nil.
He was
kind of an upbeat guy
Anyway,
he said,
I got to do it.
an electroencephalogram
a brainwave test
and he called me
a couple days later
and he said
Jimmy
I don't understand this
I have no answer for you
but your brainwave pattern
is markedly improved
and I don't have the answer
you know who's got it
we do
in the book
it says
when the spiritual malady
is overcome
we straighten out
mentally and physically
since then
I've never had another seizure
I don't take medication
I can drive a car
I can even go diving
I can do whatever I want to do
it was removed from me
by that power
greater than myself
one of the things I had to do
is I had to get a sponsor
right away
I'm not one of those people
that says
take two years
to do the first
second
first or second step
or any of that
you know
I get them done
you know if you read
in the beginning of the book
we talk about
the first hundred people
that got sober
and it says
here are the steps
we took
as if we did this
now most of those people
weren't more than about
30, 45, 60 days sober
and they had already done them
and that's what I thought
I had to find myself a sponsor
uh oh
it's getting on me
uh oh
the clock
and I finally found one
and it wasn't easy
I had a bunch of people
tell me they were moving
same people I saw around there
forever
they still are there
and I got this guy
and we sat down
and we talked
and this guy
we talked about the things
drunks talk about
you know like when you're driving the car
you gotta slam the brakes on
and there's 200 beer cans
come rolling up
and getting your way
or you know
just
what was your best
what did you like to drink
everything
you know
what was the best jail you were in
Coronado
what was the worst
do you wanna
you know
stuff like that
we're talking about things
only alcoholics know about
huh
only
only us alcoholics
know about things
that I knew right then
that this guy
had done
what I had done
he was the real deal
and that was my sponsor
and I got it done
and in six months
I'd finished
all 12 steps
and
was at the point
where it's time for me
to keep practicing
in the rest of my life
I had
I've had some challenges
in my life
I've had
well
in my life
I have had
37 surgeries
I've had six strokes
two heart attacks
and about with cancer
you know
I don't know
you know
I'm still here
the only thing
I can think of
is I'm doing a wonderful job
and God wants to keep me here
because if you ask my wife
she says
he's gonna keep you here
until you get it right
you're gonna be here forever
so that's
she don't know my thing
so I don't know
what's gonna happen
you know
this thing with my brain
is like
is the latest thing
you know
but I do know
that if it ends tomorrow
I will have been given
a wonderful ride
a very wonderful ride
so
when I was
sober about
two years
three years I guess
two years
I don't know
sometime back then
you know
I can't remember
the second step today
so how am I gonna know
what happened
20 some years ago
I noticed
there was a lot of people
at the meeting
who were introducing
themselves as newcomers
and there are people
that had been there
two, five, ten, twenty years
and they went out
and drank
and
I got really concerned
so I went around
to ask
a couple of the people
whose opinion
I really valued
and the first one
I asked was this guy
named Gucci Phil
and they call him that
because of the way
he dressed
he'd gone to a
an Ivy League college
and he talked weird
and I said
anyway I went up
and I said
Gooch
listen
you know
I'm sober
and we're here
and I said
what happens
that we get this stuff
and it's a part of our life
and then we throw it away
why do we do that
and here's what he told me
he said
Jimmy
if you got a dog
you can have
the finest dog
in the world
and you can have
the finest dog
in the world
and you can have
the finest dog
but if you take him
down to the beach
and he sees a dead fish
he's going to roll in it
and I said
thanks Gooch
that was probably
23 years ago
and to this day
I don't know
what the hell it means
but that's what he told me
but I talked to some other guys
and you know
for some reason
for some reason
we just quit
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
and it's not a secret
it's nothing
you just quit doing
what we were doing
I have a good friend
a speaker
he was 26
27 years sober
and he went out
and got drunk
and I'm talking to him
and he said
you know
I just forgot
I forgot
that all of the steps
this whole program
applies to me
not just to new people
not just to the regular people
in the meeting
you know
you're a big time speaker
this is how
this is what I
you have to be very careful
doing this
because there's a
a way to get really thinking
you're important
and that's not the case
but anyway
he'd gone out
and drank
and these people
you know
this guy's back
but how many don't come back
or how many
now who the hell
was I talking
Ben
we're talking about this
about the guys that come
and they just want to keep
putting off
looking for that sponsor
keep putting off
taking those steps
and the time multiplies
on itself
at the end of the damn year
they haven't done anything
and therefore
they are not prepared
when something comes up
you know
they're just out
they're out of the league
and when something happens
they have no defense against it
you know
there's a part of our book
that I really like
and
excuse me
oh god I'm getting down
no no I got
seven minutes
okay
our book
tells us
that we're granted
a daily reprieve
it's not monthly
weekly
annually
it's a daily reprieve
contingent
upon the maintenance
of our spirit
of our spiritual condition
god that's what it's all about
right there
maintenance of our
spiritual condition
and that's the road
and you know
it doesn't mean
that if I don't go
to an AA meeting every day
you know
I'm going to get drunk
that just doesn't happen
you know
but as long as
I stay on the path
stay involved
with this program
stay close to the power
greater than myself
you know
it's a deal
that's going to work
for me forever
I can't
it's like this
kind of
it's like if you got a boat
with a little tiny leak in it
and all you got to do
is bail it
you know
got a coffee can there
and bail it out
and you can go sailing
but for some reason
I get too arrogant
too lazy
I get too arrogant
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too whatever
and I just decide
screw it
I don't want to
that bailing
I don't want to do that
I'm going sailing
well if I keep doing that
my boat is going to sink
and that's what's happening
with these people
we have to stay involved
with this stuff
this meeting has impressed
the hell out of me
I am serious
over at Rich's house
and this meeting
the way it's set up
you do this
this thing
I mean
these are great things
I'm sure you've got
good representation
in service
I'm just finishing up
as a
DCM for
District 10
in San Diego
over in Area 8
and
I just
you know
I don't know how to
encourage people
to get into service
service is anything
from being a
coffee maker's assistant
to doing some
really important things
like
being part of
the general service
you know
and then some of us
do this
it doesn't make
this doesn't mean
any more than
making coffee
it doesn't mean
any more than
being the secretary
or being a member
of a group
I'm getting
right up on there now
I can see it
this thing's starting
to creak
it's getting ready
to open
you know
I want to
I want to thank
each and every one
of you
for the opportunity
to come over here
and say
my name is
my old friend
John
and to meet a bunch
of new friends
and
I'm just really glad
to have been a part
of this
I don't know
some places
the energy
that you guys
have here
is strangely
missing
and
you guys
got it good
this is a
I didn't do that
did you do that
uh huh
he wants me
to quit
before
825
to 27
and I'm
but you guys
have an incredible
start
I hear this meeting
is only seven years old
you guys are doing
fantastic
and you know
and keep it up
um
I hope to be
seeing some of you guys
come on over there
to San Diego
and maybe we'll be able
to
you know
we'll be able to
attend a meeting together
or maybe you want to
come all the way over
we got a guy here
that comes to all of our
our roundups
in the spring
the San Diego
convention
and we'll be able to
come over here
and we'll be able to
come over here
and we'll be able to
come over here
I don't know where he is
he's around here somewhere
but come on over
sometime
and I hope
I honestly hope
that if you come over
to visit us
we will have
the good graces
to treat
all of you
even half as nice
as you treated me
thank you very much
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hi, everybody. My name is Jimmy. I'm an alcoholic.
Got stuff to read up here. I also told I can talk to till 825 to 827.
And I'll make it. You know, if you see it, I have great fear of going over and having a trap door.
I'm standing on open up and slide down into the basement and wind up at the COTA meeting or some deal like that.
And I don't want to do that. Mark, good job.
Wherever he went. There he is. Yeah, good job.
So I what I usually talk about is what we used to be like, what happened and what's now.
And, you know, so many people, they get up here and they they say what it was like, you know, and it's not what the damn book says.
The book says what we were like. And, you know, you can have somebody that lives on the highest hill in Las Vegas with the biggest house and the best cars and airplanes and boats.
And.
And that person doesn't really have a lot in common with the guy that's wandering around on Skid Row and has his entire estate in a shopping cart.
But what is the same is the way they feel.
The way you feel when you're an alcoholic and you get down to the end, there's nothing else to do.
And that's when that moment of willingness comes around for those of us who are fortunate enough to make it.
Yeah, I apologize.
My voice.
I don't know what happened to it, but sometimes it sounds like a herniated frog and sometimes like, I don't know, like a squirrel or something.
So if you if you can't hear it, you may be screwed up a little bit.
There's an empty chair next to our beautiful secretary.
Anyway, thank you guys for the invitation.
And thank John.
John Cloud and I have known each other since we're about 24 years now.
John lived in San.
Diego most of their all that time, and I'm going to tell you something about what happened with him and his little group.
There were, I believe, six of these guys.
They came in together.
They got the same sponsor, and I never saw a single one of those guys without a coat and tie on or just a tie helping doing a job at the meeting.
They always had service every single time.
And they.
They were always there, willing to help.
And, you know, as a result of that, 24 years later, I understand one guy had a slip, but the rest of them are all sober.
Twenty four years and they're all sober and they're all involved in service.
So if you're thinking about what you want, if you're new, you might want to think about that.
Get involved in service right away.
I don't think you know.
I don't believe that.
I've ever not had a job in a when I got sober, I was really a mess.
And my first job was that of a coffee maker's assistant.
And I'm serious.
They did not feel that I could actually make a pot of coffee.
And I probably agree with them.
But you see, the one thing that I learned, the one thing that I knew is that if for some reason.
I didn't show up, they would have to cancel that meeting.
So, you know, at first I didn't you know, sometimes I didn't want to go.
I didn't feel good and I have to say, ah, I got to go because they won't they won't have a meeting without me.
And I've always had service.
It's always been a part of and it's it's a huge part.
It's been a huge part in me developing my personality in AA.
I am just not the same person that came here.
And.
And anyway, I come to talk about my background, I'm a fifth generation alcoholic, my dad, his dad, two more generations.
And that's as far back as I can trace it.
There may be others.
I don't know our our family crest features, a wine bottle and a pair of handcuffs.
And our.
Our motto, our family motto is you really don't understand, and it served us well.
My dad was a drunk.
He was a working drunk and him and I had an off again, on again relationship.
But I was involved in athletics a lot when I was a kid.
And, you know, we go home from a ball game and you'd see all the other kids, their dads who put them on their shoulders.
Or pick them up.
Or my dad never touched me.
And even as a little kid, that used to bother me.
And he would do, you know, he'd do other things like every time I went to jail, he was there to get me out.
And when I got older, I got to return the favor.
And that's that's called male bonding in our family.
But, you know, these are the things that I just haven't, you know, my relationship with.
It was strained and then it got worse.
My mom didn't drink.
She was a saint of a woman and she really was.
She was a great gal.
She had one little one little thing that she had.
She had to do something with all this pressure.
She's got an alcoholic son.
She's got a daughter with all kinds of emotional difficulties.
And she got married to an alcoholic.
So what the hell is she going to do?
One of my friends or somebody left up a shoebox full of firecrackers.
At our house.
One time.
This is when I'm young.
And she figured out that if she lit a firecracker off during times of stress, she would actually feel better.
And that went on for quite a while.
And one of my friends, a military guy, left a diver recall bomb, which is about a third of a stick of dynamite.
And she lit it one time.
I can't remember what the occasion.
Was.
But God, what a noise.
You know, nobody in our family could hear for about a week and that, you know, you could smell that thing, you know, she literally threw it on the rug is what she did.
And there was no rug there for a while, you know, it was.
That's how she got through life.
I I started to drink when I was really young.
I got drunk for the first time when I was about 14 years old.
I was down in Mexico spearing fish.
And I got.
I got drunk.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I felt great.
There was no pressure.
There was no anything.
I just felt good.
And I couldn't understand why anybody else would not do that because it felt so damn good.
Or like Mark said when he was talking is I had a lot of fun drinking.
I did, too.
I had a hell of a lot of fun.
I had a hell of a lot of fun.
I had a hell of a lot of fun drinking.
And I personally believe that if you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and you didn't
have any fun drinking, you got screwed.
And, you know, I did.
I got in a lot of little tiny times of trouble myself and a bunch of other guys.
We just we didn't have any goals in life.
I don't think everybody else was making plans and going to school.
And.
We just wanted to get drunk.
And one of the things we had that that would come up now and then was a little saying that
I used to do.
It was, hey, I got an idea.
And every time you heard that, it was going to result at least in a court appearance and
perhaps some jail time.
And, you know, they're just little silly ass things.
We went over to we're going over to Coronado one time, which if you've never been to San
Diego, it's a little island there.
And there's had a strand.
And we were on the ferry.
Now, for you young people, that kind of ferry I'm talking about the boat and it carried
cars and people.
And we're on the thing and we're in the front row.
And as we start to pull into Coronado, one of my buddies goes, hey, I got an idea.
Let's moon these guys.
And that was one of the stupidest things anybody ever said.
But we did it anyway.
You know, it was by God.
And, you know, I don't really think any of us realized how sensitive the people that
live in Coronado are, because by the time that boat docked, there were cops everywhere.
And we all went off to the Coronado City Jail, which is my which remains my, you know, I
had just gotten out of the Tijuana jail.
So it was an upscale experience for me.
And it still remains my favorite jail that I was ever in.
And I had a judge tell me one time, I can't.
Oh, yeah, I do know what I was doing.
I was drunk walking around.
And do you remember those S&H green stamp things?
Now, I found one of them and I put it in front of a mortuary.
And so I just thought that was the best place for it, I guess.
And when I went to when I went to court over that, the judge who knew that I was going
through me looked at me.
He said, Taylor, in my chambers right now.
And I went back there with him and he said, you know something?
You're not a criminal.
You're just a screw up.
And he says, what you do is you come in here.
You waste my time.
You waste the course time.
You waste everybody's time.
You're nothing but a pest.
Now get out of here.
And he let me go.
And.
It was a blow to my ego, I'll tell you that.
I thought I was a criminal of some kind.
And I never was.
I just wasn't.
And, you know, my life went on like that.
I got the best damn job a guy like me could have.
I've always had a relationship with the ocean.
And I'm running a dive shop, running a dive shop, teaching diving.
And this is the stuff I live for.
Being in the water.
And I was doing this and having a wonderful life.
I got married.
We had a couple of kids.
I am just doing perfectly.
And then I was in an accident.
And the accident, I got a terrible blow to the head.
And it left me with epilepsy.
The grand mal kind.
The kind that just did not respond to treatment.
Not respond to treatment of any kind.
Medications.
Any of that stuff.
And I go from one day of teaching diving, running a dive shop, being underwater a few hours a day.
To no.
Nothing.
I can't do that.
I can't go diving.
I can't run anything.
I can't drive a car.
Climb a ladder.
Do anything.
And that was one of the most painful parts of my life.
Because for the next number of years, I just felt sorry for myself.
I had figured out by then that that was the worst thing that ever happened to anybody in the history of this world.
And all I did is I got myself a bottle and crawled in.
And that was one of those things that I...
I started drinking in the morning.
Soon as I got up, I had to drink.
And I quit drinking as I passed out.
Get up the next day and do the same damn thing.
Every sober breath was spent feeling sorry for myself.
And what happened...
This is for some of you who are maybe just starting your relationship with this program.
Is...
One day I wake up and I got...
I had to vomit, which is not unusual.
But it came out bright red.
So I had to go to the hospital.
And in the hospital, they opened me up and they fixed the leak.
And it's not...
That's not a medical term, but they fixed the leak is what happened.
And they put me in the hospital.
And in a couple of days, I'm ready...
In about three or four days, I'm ready to go home.
Doctor comes in.
And the last thing he says...
The last thing he says is,
Jimmy, you cannot drink anymore.
It's going to kill you.
And I looked at that doctor and I said,
Doctor, I am never going to drink again.
And I meant it.
No, I mean, I was serious.
And it didn't work.
I was drunk in a week.
I'm back in there another time.
I'm squirting blood.
And I go in.
And the same drill.
Go to the surgery.
Come out of surgery.
And they move...
This one, I should have quit then.
But they move you from the intensive care to the standard or substandard care, wherever you go.
And the way they do that is that four nurses, each one grabs a leg or an arm.
And they slide you.
And they slide you onto a gurney from where you were.
And they go, one, two, three.
And one of those times, one of those angels of mercy was standing on my catheter.
And it's a pain I can remember to this very damn day.
And the doctor gave me the same thing.
And I told him the same thing.
And I told him, Doctor, I'll never drink again.
And I had about a week.
Staying sober.
There's something about being sober or not drinking because of fear that is not...
Has no longevity.
You know?
That fear is transitory.
The worst situation, okay, I got all of this stuff happening.
I just, you know, I had the worst day of my life.
All this stuff happened to me.
And I'm not going to drink again because I'm afraid.
Well, in a few days, that fear goes away.
And it talks about it in the book.
The alcoholic is unable to recall a sufficient fourth.
The suffering of a month or a week ago.
He is without defense against the first drink.
So what?
I didn't have anything work for me until a few years later when I got here for the absolute right reasons.
But back during that time, I was...
I had 12 abdominal surgeries.
All the surgeries identical to that.
And then a whole bunch of other stuff.
All from the alcoholic.
But without my shirt on, it looks like I got my ass kicked by Zorro.
There's just...
There's scars all over my belly.
And...
You know, it still hadn't gotten me going.
The state of California took a look at me right then and said,
Boy, you got some troubles.
And they became my higher power.
And they put me away.
I went through a lot of those things where they put you in a psych unit on a hospital.
They finally put me into a mental institution.
And I was there for almost two years.
And it wasn't...
I wasn't...
I didn't stay there that long because I was good at making moccasins or anything like that.
You know, as a matter of fact, all I ever did there is I got shock therapy,
which is something you don't do to people.
You don't do to people that have epilepsy.
But, you know, I think it was probably a Sunday
and a couple of doctors sitting around, you know,
and they've got nothing to do.
They're bored.
And they go...
The board goes,
Hey, I got an idea.
And that's where it came from.
They lit me up.
You know,
Light this guy up.
See what happens.
And...
And I did...
I did...
I never made...
I never made moccasins.
I made a belt once.
And I've still got it.
It's a belt that...
Well, you know...
Well, anyway, I've still got it.
And, you know, in the evening sometimes when...
You know, my wife and I are having dinner,
party,
people are over visiting,
and they start to talk about lifetime achievements.
And that is when my wife will go on in
and pick up my belt
for everyone there to admire.
You know, it's a...
It's a proud moment for both Pat and I.
And...
What happened...
I guess I better...
I better get sober here right now.
Yeah, I got 25 to 27 minutes.
I've got that little two-minute thing here
that I'm working on.
I was...
I was moved from the...
from the nuthouse to a regular hospital.
I got very, very sick.
And when I was in that hospital,
something happened.
And it was one of those things we call the burning bush.
It was an immediate spiritual awakening.
If it wasn't a burning bush,
it was at least smoldering leaves
or some damn thing like that.
But something happened.
And what happened...
I woke up one day.
I'm in the bed,
and everything's the same,
but it doesn't seem the same.
And I know right then
that I am powerless over alcohol.
Now, I had spent many, many years,
many years defending my right to drink,
defending my alcohol abuse.
And at that time, laying in that bed,
I knew that I was powerless over alcohol.
And this is not something I could play with.
This is something that was life and death,
and it was right now.
And I know a lot of people say
they have trouble with the second half of the first step.
Well, I'd been locked up for a couple of years,
and there's really no way that I could say
my life was manageable.
You know, it's pretty damn unmanageable
when you've got that little wristband on you,
you know, and you're staying there.
So, I didn't know it,
but I'd taken the first step,
admitted we were powerless over alcohol.
Our lives were unmanageable.
I had taken that, and I didn't know it.
Now, this is in the same deal.
I knew two guys.
These guys were kind of like me.
You know, they're just the real bottom feeders.
And they got sober in AA.
And I heard about it.
And I heard one of them even got a job.
Geez, I didn't know if I was going to do that,
but it sounded good.
And I knew these guys weren't lying.
They did get sober.
And I went to...
I went to...
I got to thinking,
and I decided
that I was going to churn my will.
I knew about this.
You know, I became aware of this,
that AA could do things
because of these two yo-yos that I used to know.
And I didn't realize it,
but I'd taken the second step.
Came...
Yeah.
You know, since I've gotten old,
I have a brain disease.
That's no kidding.
And my head doesn't work very well.
I can't believe that a...
that a power greater than me
could restore me to sanity.
I can't...
I can't believe I can't remember that.
But it happens.
I have something called white brain.
And it's...
My...
Big parts of my brain
are completely occluded with plaque.
And unfortunately, one of those is...
memory part.
And it gets hard for me to remember things.
Anyway,
I made a decision right there
that as soon as I got out of that hospital,
I was going straight to AA.
And I was going to do whatever you guys asked me to do.
And that's the third step.
Made a decision to churn our will and our lives
over the care of God
as we understood Him.
Some of the most important were the four words.
As we understood Him.
That's what gives us the leeway in this program.
That's how come the Catholics and the Baptists
can sit together.
And it's because this is not...
It's not religion.
Religion divides people.
This is spirituality
and it does the opposite.
It brings people together.
We were over at Richard's house having dinner tonight.
You know, and John tells me
they had up to 50 people there.
See, that's the fellowship
and it's important too.
I've heard people say,
well, you know,
I believe in the program
but not the fellowship, you know.
It doesn't make any sense, you know.
What the heck?
Somebody's going to get drunk
if you go to a potluck?
You know, it just doesn't make any sense to me.
But over there, everybody's eating.
He's kind enough to put this on.
And what they're doing
is getting this meeting ready to go.
So the two, the fellowship and the program,
come together
because they're getting the meeting ready to go.
I couldn't go to AA right away
because I couldn't walk.
I got out of that hospital
and I was just about dead.
And they took me...
They took me over to my mom's house
and I stayed there for about a month
and then I felt I could walk again.
And I walked into my first AA meeting.
And the thing I remember,
the very first thing I remember
was the laughter.
I could hear it before I got up to the building.
I could hear people laughing.
And that was really attractive to me.
I walked in the door
and a man comes up to me
and he said,
You can't stop drinking, can you?
I mean, I didn't know how he knew I was a newcomer.
I used to smoke cigarettes.
I used to smoke cigarettes a long time ago.
I didn't have any clothes
that didn't have little holes in them.
And I hadn't shaved in about six months.
I had this really ratty beard.
I couldn't keep losing blood.
Anyway, this guy comes up to me
and I'm obviously new.
And he asked me that question,
You can't stop drinking, can you?
And I told him the answer.
I was honest with him
like I had never been honest with people
since as long as I could remember.
I told him, No, I can't.
And what he said to me was,
Well, neither can I,
but together we can.
Aha!
That made sense to me.
And I sat down.
I went to my first AA meeting.
Back then, I had auditory hallucinations
for the first year.
And I'm trying to make friends,
so I'm just answering everybody I hear.
You know, Hi!
The other one, Really?
No kidding. Boo!
And these people,
nobody wants to sit next to me
because they don't want to listen to this guy.
They want to listen to the speaker.
And I was just sitting there yacking away.
And I also,
I shook so bad.
I was like that ready kilowatt guy,
that electrical symbol.
You know, if somebody comes near me,
I go, Aha!
Coffee would go up,
and nobody wanted to sit next to me
because they wanted to hear the speaker,
and they preferred to stay dry.
And I was there,
and I listened.
I had an incredible gift the first year.
I was unemployable.
And that was the Lemon Global Mono Club.
I got there at 6 in the morning when it opened,
and I left at midnight when it closed.
I went to every meeting I could,
and the rest of the time I sat around the kitchen
and talked to the guys that had been sober long.
I spent every day doing that,
and I did it for the longest time.
And I remember as soon as I first got moving around,
I remember this guy,
offered me a ride.
He said,
He said,
Do you have a ride?
And I said,
No, I'll walk, I guess.
And he said,
Well, jump in.
I'll give you a ride.
And we got going down the road,
and he said,
Where do you live?
And I said,
I'm not sure.
And I couldn't remember where I lived.
And so he said,
Okay.
And we'd drive a little while,
and he'd stop.
He'd say,
Anything familiar?
No.
He'd drive a little more.
See anything familiar?
Oh, that thing.
I mean, that's a fire hydrant.
They're everywhere.
And finally,
after about 45 minutes,
we found my mom's house where I was staying,
and I got home.
And see,
I'll tell you how screwed up I was.
The Lemon Grove Alano Club
is on Central Avenue
in Lemon Grove.
My mom lived on Central Avenue
in Lemon Grove.
I was just down the street,
but somehow I got it screwed up.
And it was another guy
that started giving me rides,
and I'm not aware of what's going on,
but this guy tells me
he gave me a ride home from that club
seven days in a row.
And on that last day,
I looked at him and said,
Have I ever met you before?
I was really amiss.
But, you know,
as much as there was,
you know,
that's what was there to work with.
And I remember when I got to thinking
I might make it,
I was just around 30 days sober.
And I was sitting in this little tiny meeting,
you know,
just like one of those,
you know,
the standard AA table.
You put about six people around it
or eight people.
I'm sitting there,
and there's about half a dozen of us.
And I happen to be sitting
on one end of the table.
And on the other end of the table
is a guy sitting there,
and he's got this big parrot,
one of those white ones,
you know,
like Beretta head.
And, I mean,
that is a good-looking bird,
you know.
And I want to say something about it.
You know,
I really want to say,
Hey, you know,
that's a great-looking bird.
But I'm afraid if I say something like that,
if I say,
Hey, I really like that bird,
he's going to look at me
and say,
What bird?
Because I had a long history
of seeing things you folks
were not privileged enough to see.
And so I kept my mouth shut.
And thankfully,
this guy had been around
for a long time.
He said,
He goes,
Hey, look,
that guy's got a bird.
I said,
Damn,
I might make it here.
You know,
I just might make it.
And I got a little challenge,
and a few days after that,
I had a seizure.
I had a seizure
in the clitoris.
I was in a club
during the noon meeting,
which had a little over
100 people at it.
And,
you know,
there's something about epilepsy.
I could never go back
to a place
where I'd had a seizure.
I don't know,
people always looked at me funny,
or my imagination,
or hell,
I never went back there.
I don't know what they looked,
you know,
but I was just,
I could never go back.
Now,
here I am.
I haven't had a drink
in 30 days.
And at that time,
I walked into this thing.
And,
now how can I go back?
I can't not go back
because there's 30 days of sobriety.
So I put together
every little bit of energy
and every little bit of courage I had,
which certainly wasn't much,
and I went back in.
And,
about a dozen people
come up and grab me
and shook my hand
and hugged me.
And I found out
there were a couple of people
that thought they knew where I lived
and were knocking on doors.
You see,
that's Alcoholics Anonymous.
And that's the love
we have in AA.
It's not something
you find other places.
I had that
and hell,
those things became
part of the meeting.
You know,
I'd have them frequently
and I'd bring the AA rescue squad out.
There's a,
you know,
I think you have to weigh 250 pounds
to join that.
You know,
and I'd go down
and they'd,
yeah,
get him,
yeah,
put a chair in his mouth.
Put a bag over his head.
Don't let him,
I don't know if you guys thought
I was going to escape or what,
but I'd be laying there
and I'd have all these people
on top of me.
Ken D.,
a friend of John's and mine.
Well,
if you have speakers from around,
he's probably,
I'm sure he's been here.
But Ken,
he weighed about 250 pounds then
and he's on top of me
along with somebody else
thinking they're doing good stuff.
And I'm,
I can hardly breathe.
And I'd come out of that
about this thick
and about like that wide,
looked like a halibut.
Both eyes on one side.
But,
you know,
what had happened is
all of that,
all that power
just got pulled right away.
You know,
I've heard every damn
epileptic joke there is.
You know,
I've got,
you know,
like,
what do you do
when,
if an epileptic has a seizure
in your bathtub?
You know,
I've heard every damn
epileptic joke there is.
You know,
I've got,
you know,
like,
what do you do
when,
throw your clothes in?
You know,
I didn't say they were good.
They're not.
They're crappy.
But I sure heard a lot of them.
And,
you know,
it's just,
AA did what it needed to do.
Two years after that,
I'd had a period
of about
three,
four months.
And,
it was time for me
to go see the doctor again,
the neurologist.
I went in there
and I said,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
you know,
I went in there to see him
and I said,
you know,
now it was a little longer
now,
it was two years,
I was a little over two years sober and I said,
doctor,
I have really changed my life,
I don't drink anymore
and,
you know,
my life's different.
What are the chances of these things ha-
just stopping?
And he looked at me
and he said,
nil.
He was
kind of an upbeat guy
Anyway,
he said,
I got to do it.
an electroencephalogram
a brainwave test
and he called me
a couple days later
and he said
Jimmy
I don't understand this
I have no answer for you
but your brainwave pattern
is markedly improved
and I don't have the answer
you know who's got it
we do
in the book
it says
when the spiritual malady
is overcome
we straighten out
mentally and physically
since then
I've never had another seizure
I don't take medication
I can drive a car
I can even go diving
I can do whatever I want to do
it was removed from me
by that power
greater than myself
one of the things I had to do
is I had to get a sponsor
right away
I'm not one of those people
that says
take two years
to do the first
second
first or second step
or any of that
you know
I get them done
you know if you read
in the beginning of the book
we talk about
the first hundred people
that got sober
and it says
here are the steps
we took
as if we did this
now most of those people
weren't more than about
30, 45, 60 days sober
and they had already done them
and that's what I thought
I had to find myself a sponsor
uh oh
it's getting on me
uh oh
the clock
and I finally found one
and it wasn't easy
I had a bunch of people
tell me they were moving
same people I saw around there
forever
they still are there
and I got this guy
and we sat down
and we talked
and this guy
we talked about the things
drunks talk about
you know like when you're driving the car
you gotta slam the brakes on
and there's 200 beer cans
come rolling up
and getting your way
or you know
just
what was your best
what did you like to drink
everything
you know
what was the best jail you were in
Coronado
what was the worst
do you wanna
you know
stuff like that
we're talking about things
only alcoholics know about
huh
only
only us alcoholics
know about things
that I knew right then
that this guy
had done
what I had done
he was the real deal
and that was my sponsor
and I got it done
and in six months
I'd finished
all 12 steps
and
was at the point
where it's time for me
to keep practicing
in the rest of my life
I had
I've had some challenges
in my life
I've had
well
in my life
I have had
37 surgeries
I've had six strokes
two heart attacks
and about with cancer
you know
I don't know
you know
I'm still here
the only thing
I can think of
is I'm doing a wonderful job
and God wants to keep me here
because if you ask my wife
she says
he's gonna keep you here
until you get it right
you're gonna be here forever
so that's
she don't know my thing
so I don't know
what's gonna happen
you know
this thing with my brain
is like
is the latest thing
you know
but I do know
that if it ends tomorrow
I will have been given
a wonderful ride
a very wonderful ride
so
when I was
sober about
two years
three years I guess
two years
I don't know
sometime back then
you know
I can't remember
the second step today
so how am I gonna know
what happened
20 some years ago
I noticed
there was a lot of people
at the meeting
who were introducing
themselves as newcomers
and there are people
that had been there
two, five, ten, twenty years
and they went out
and drank
and
I got really concerned
so I went around
to ask
a couple of the people
whose opinion
I really valued
and the first one
I asked was this guy
named Gucci Phil
and they call him that
because of the way
he dressed
he'd gone to a
an Ivy League college
and he talked weird
and I said
anyway I went up
and I said
Gooch
listen
you know
I'm sober
and we're here
and I said
what happens
that we get this stuff
and it's a part of our life
and then we throw it away
why do we do that
and here's what he told me
he said
Jimmy
if you got a dog
you can have
the finest dog
in the world
and you can have
the finest dog
in the world
and you can have
the finest dog
but if you take him
down to the beach
and he sees a dead fish
he's going to roll in it
and I said
thanks Gooch
that was probably
23 years ago
and to this day
I don't know
what the hell it means
but that's what he told me
but I talked to some other guys
and you know
for some reason
for some reason
we just quit
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
doing what we were doing
and it's not a secret
it's nothing
you just quit doing
what we were doing
I have a good friend
a speaker
he was 26
27 years sober
and he went out
and got drunk
and I'm talking to him
and he said
you know
I just forgot
I forgot
that all of the steps
this whole program
applies to me
not just to new people
not just to the regular people
in the meeting
you know
you're a big time speaker
this is how
this is what I
you have to be very careful
doing this
because there's a
a way to get really thinking
you're important
and that's not the case
but anyway
he'd gone out
and drank
and these people
you know
this guy's back
but how many don't come back
or how many
now who the hell
was I talking
Ben
we're talking about this
about the guys that come
and they just want to keep
putting off
looking for that sponsor
keep putting off
taking those steps
and the time multiplies
on itself
at the end of the damn year
they haven't done anything
and therefore
they are not prepared
when something comes up
you know
they're just out
they're out of the league
and when something happens
they have no defense against it
you know
there's a part of our book
that I really like
and
excuse me
oh god I'm getting down
no no I got
seven minutes
okay
our book
tells us
that we're granted
a daily reprieve
it's not monthly
weekly
annually
it's a daily reprieve
contingent
upon the maintenance
of our spirit
of our spiritual condition
god that's what it's all about
right there
maintenance of our
spiritual condition
and that's the road
and you know
it doesn't mean
that if I don't go
to an AA meeting every day
you know
I'm going to get drunk
that just doesn't happen
you know
but as long as
I stay on the path
stay involved
with this program
stay close to the power
greater than myself
you know
it's a deal
that's going to work
for me forever
I can't
it's like this
kind of
it's like if you got a boat
with a little tiny leak in it
and all you got to do
is bail it
you know
got a coffee can there
and bail it out
and you can go sailing
but for some reason
I get too arrogant
too lazy
I get too arrogant
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too lazy
too whatever
and I just decide
screw it
I don't want to
that bailing
I don't want to do that
I'm going sailing
well if I keep doing that
my boat is going to sink
and that's what's happening
with these people
we have to stay involved
with this stuff
this meeting has impressed
the hell out of me
I am serious
over at Rich's house
and this meeting
the way it's set up
you do this
this thing
I mean
these are great things
I'm sure you've got
good representation
in service
I'm just finishing up
as a
DCM for
District 10
in San Diego
over in Area 8
and
I just
you know
I don't know how to
encourage people
to get into service
service is anything
from being a
coffee maker's assistant
to doing some
really important things
like
being part of
the general service
you know
and then some of us
do this
it doesn't make
this doesn't mean
any more than
making coffee
it doesn't mean
any more than
being the secretary
or being a member
of a group
I'm getting
right up on there now
I can see it
this thing's starting
to creak
it's getting ready
to open
you know
I want to
I want to thank
each and every one
of you
for the opportunity
to come over here
and say
my name is
my old friend
John
and to meet a bunch
of new friends
and
I'm just really glad
to have been a part
of this
I don't know
some places
the energy
that you guys
have here
is strangely
missing
and
you guys
got it good
this is a
I didn't do that
did you do that
uh huh
he wants me
to quit
before
825
to 27
and I'm
but you guys
have an incredible
start
I hear this meeting
is only seven years old
you guys are doing
fantastic
and you know
and keep it up
um
I hope to be
seeing some of you guys
come on over there
to San Diego
and maybe we'll be able
to
you know
we'll be able to
attend a meeting together
or maybe you want to
come all the way over
we got a guy here
that comes to all of our
our roundups
in the spring
the San Diego
convention
and we'll be able to
come over here
and we'll be able to
come over here
and we'll be able to
come over here
I don't know where he is
he's around here somewhere
but come on over
sometime
and I hope
I honestly hope
that if you come over
to visit us
we will have
the good graces
to treat
all of you
even half as nice
as you treated me
thank you very much
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