Open Discussion AA Meetings Water Down the AA Message – Chris R.

My name is Chris Raymer. I'm a very grateful, recovered alcoholic. How cool is this? This is nice. I hate doing outside talk. This is nice. What is it about the South? You know, I'm from Texas. I am as South as you can get. But the Deep South is where we are now. I mean, it's different. It's different! Food's different...What was that we ate tonight? I've had several try to explain it to me, and I stopped them when it got to the parts part. I don't know. I don'T care what it was. It was excellent, andI thanked them for cooking it. And what an honor to be here. What is it about southern women, too? You're in the wrong part of the world, brother. I want to thank Chaz for calling me and Gene. Anybody that helped get me here, I'm honored to be here. I need to apologize about the way I'm dressed. dressed um my uh well because i just i just believe if you speak from the podium you should you should dress up a little bit and i have a wrinkled suit that's somewhere between here and san antonio and uh i don't know i'm lucky i got here with the airports being as weird as they are with all the stuff that's happened this last week so i'm delighted to be here and um i know how difficult it is used to be i talked about i was over in florence not long And I mentioned this. It used to be you could get a plane ticket anywhere for $100, and it just was no big deal. And it takes money to bring somebody over here. And I'm honored and truly humbled that y'all would have even considered doing this for me. I'm blessed. I hate to speak. I just need to tell you, most of y'ALL that know me know that. I love meeting y'All. I just know that I'm probably going to end up saying something up here that offends somebody, and I don't want to do that. but no I don't I just know I will people get so dogmatic about this I talk about this all the time well my sponsor said this well my treatment center said this well my counselor said this well I don' t give a rat's butt what does the book say what does The Big Book say and I've never got up from a podium and shared yet ever in 18 years of sobriety that I didn't carry a big book with me. And if you hear anything I say that you can't reconcile, absolutely forget it. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. I spent so many years in Alcoholics Anonymous, seven years in and out of AlcoholicsAnonymous relapse and doing the same thing I've talked to some of y'all out here that are doing and you've tried this before and failed and tried it before and fail And it's just, you know, after a while we start losing hope, you know, and it's a tough deal. And I finally came back in 1987, I'm going to tell you a little bit about it, and I landed in a nest of big book thumpers. And they started explaining to me about what this was about. And all of a sudden I started doing what they asked me to do and I got well. And that's why Dennis just read the 10-step promises where it talks about we're going to be placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. And that's the best promise in the book, folks. And that is why I introduced myself the way the big book asked me to introduce myself. As a recovered ED alcoholic. Dope fiend. Some of you don't like that. You think it is not humble? Couldn't give a rat's ass. I feel better already. No, it's that I know, and I'm going to talk about it some tonight. But I mean, I know that the only game in town is our fellowships. Our Alcoholics Anonymous and our sister fellowships, NA and Cocaine Anonymous and Crystal Meth Anonymous. I mean this is where we're getting the answer. This is where wir'e getting the anwser. And we don't need to take the message that we're given and water it down because somebody suggested something. thing. The message was intended to be full strength, not watered down. And in mainstream AA, and a lot of y'all have been around it for a long time, what we've got is a bunch of watered-down crap disguised as recovery. And that's why so many people have a tough time getting sober. I just want to mention this going in the door because I don't... Ah. Everybody that's in Alcoholics Anonymous or any of our other sister fellowships, everybody that's In Our Rooms are not alcoholic and addict. I mean there's a lot of people out there that have problems drinking. They're going to go to rational recovery or do some therapy or eat some antabuse and take some antidepressants and they're going to get well. The problem is that some of those same people are hanging around around our fellowships wanting to share their views on what this is all about. And if that stuff worked for us, because most of us have tried that, my sentiment is whatever works. I mean, if sitting naked in a teepee sweating your ass off works for you, then do it. Not knocking that. I'm saying it didn't get me sober. I tried it. Like, picture me sitting. No, never mind. I just, I don't know. I don' t know. It's what the, Bill Wilson in the textbook, on page 155, some of you got your books, you can jot it down. But he's talking about Dr. Bob and his first meeting with Dr. Bobby. He says, he's talki ng of Dr.Bobby. He says, this cat, he said he had a desperate desire to stop drinking, but saw no way out. For he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic. You with us? We live in a world where people don't understand what it is to be alcoholic. I work for a treatment center up in the hill country. Very nice hospital, very expensive. And some of you all have been there. And now you're here, which says something. But a lot of people have problems understanding that just because you drink a lot doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. Just because you do a lot OF drugs doesn't means you're a drug addict. People stop every day. They wake up one day with this big hangover, nose all bloody, and they say, I'm not going to do this anymore. And they don't. They just, on their own power, they just stop. But they told them in treatment to go to AA. So they're going to go. But they don't need to be there because they stopped on their own power. They see they didn't need this thing called God. They didn't have to talk about the 12 steps. They didn'T have to work the 12 Steps. All they could do was just sit in the meetings and talk about any freaking thing they wanted and everything's just going to be okay. And I'm going to tell you right now, going in the door, so some of y'all can go ahead and leave the room now. I think the problem in Alcoholics Anonymous today, and it is a problem worldwide. I speak in many countries, folks. And I'm telling you, the problem is the same here, it's the same as in Europe, it'sthe same in Canada, it' s the same everywhere. It's called open discussion meetings. Non-literature based open discussion meeting. Where the topic is your day. And if you like those meetings, at the risk of offending you, you're probably not one of us. If you can stay sober in that environment, you are probably not on of us That's probably the roughest thing I've ever said from the podium. Buried another friend of mine two weeks ago. Meeting makers make it. Not. I found him. He'd been dead two days, three days, they don't know, in his apartment. Alcohol, pills, lots of meetings. Wouldn't come to our meetings because y'all talk about the big book too much. And I'm not sure about this God thing. Okay? So go talk about your freaking weed eater one more time. time. See what happens. That's the results that we get. If you're the real alcoholic, folks, if you're a real drug addict, you must have a spiritual experience. It's not an option. It's maybe if you want to recover from this disease, that's what you get to get. And it's guaranteed by working the 12 steps. Most open and roomy program out there, folks. Anybody that wants to take shots at this fellowship can talk about anything they want, but those steps are so open and so roomy it's not even funny. We even let you worship a God of your own understanding. You don't have to pray to my God. You don' t have to be a Christian. You don''t have to do... You got to pray something. That's pretty simple, isn't it folks? Maybe that's where my passion comes from. Maybe that' s why I get in so much trouble because I work in an industry where I get to watch hundreds of people die needlessly of this disease. In my 18 years, when I finally got sober in 1987 sense, I cannot tell you how many funerals I've been to about people that could have gotten this just as easy as I got it. When somebody finally told me the truth, I grabbed onto it with both hands because I knew intuitively that they were telling me the true. You water this message down and let somebody do it any way they want? That's why, listen folks, that's why I love places like this because we're going to talk straight out of the book. Look, if you want it, great. If you don't want it go try some more. Go bop to your drop. We've got to understand what the disease is folks. We've gotta understand what the problem is. What difference does it make? I hear people come up after I lecture what difference does what does it makes? I think I've got a problem so I'm supposed no, no. How can you fix a car if you don' t know what's wrong with it? First thing you've got to do is find out what's right. with it. See when I found out that I wasn't just a little problem drinker, an abuser, but that I was dying of a fatal progressive illness? Buddy, I got real open-minded real quick. And so will you. And so will the people that you can't sponsor. But you've got to qualify them first. Find out if they even need to be here or not. Ask them, are they ready? Just exactly what we read and how it works. Are you ready to go to any... What a great name for a treatment center. Any links. Unbelievable. Are You Ready To Go To Any Links? Because if you're not, screw you. Go away. Y'all need to know if I was sitting at an anniversary meeting at a little group in town, I wouldn't be talking like this. But I'm in a gathering full of people that are cut from the same cloth I am. The chances of us having a little disco go drunk sitting in this group is pretty slim, you know? Pretty slim. I can just tell by looking at some of y'all, y'alls are the real McCoy. And I love it. I absolutely love it. That's why I felt so out of place in AA when I first got here because I felt so different from everybody else in the room. I'm dying of a fatal illness. I can't seem to stop drinking. But all you want to talk about is your freaking can divorce one more time. I don't understand that. We're going to talk about it, folks. I'm getting there. And I'm watching the clock. I'm not going to wear anybody out tonight. Here. Now, I know y'all all say that and then you get cranky with me when I talk too long. Here. This is any length. Bring out the breakfast tacos. All right, God dang it. Okay. I grew I grew up in the hill country drinking. My father was an alcoholic. I caught some flack two weeks ago where my guy says, you call your father an alcoholic and this is a self-diagnosed disease and he's dead. The disease killed him. I don't think he gives a rat's ass if I call him an alcoholic or not. That's what he was. That's where my brother and I, identical twin brother, we caught the genetic bullet. Guys, alcoholism and drug addiction is genetic. If you're sitting in this gathering right here still blaming your mama or that bad thing that happened to you for why you're an alcoholic and addict, you need to come up with a different saw because it's not working anymore. Alcoholism and drug addiction is absolutely genetic. You're born that way. You would have developed a problem with the alcohol and dope had the bad thing not happened to you. You with me? I'm not pleased. You hear me guys, all of you. I love every one of you If any of you in here heard me say that that stuff's not important, you didn't hear me right. Did that stuff exacerbate it and make it worse? You're damn right. That's why we need to address it. Thank God for good therapy. Thank God för these 12 steps that help us get past that stuff. But that didn't cause it. I had a great family, folks. I need to tell you, I had an amazing family. I had wonderful family. Mom's still alive, painting up a storm, losing her eyesight in Kerrville. and just, she's a wonderful family. I was in the food business and it was perfectly acceptable to drink and I drank more than anybody. Should have known there was a problem. I intuitively knew there was a problem and by the time I was 20 years old I was picking up the phone book to call Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't call them but I picked up the foam book. You know, it was one of those deals. I knew there Was a Problem. Just like a lot of y'all I know There's a Problem I ended up moving to Houston in an apprenticeship program And I traveled around a lot. I got pretty successful pretty quick. I have always been a little quick and not quick-minded necessarily, but a fast worker. You all know what I mean? And discovered some methamphetamine along the way, which enhanced. We call it living better chemically. But it was good. And it allowed me to drink more on top of that. So I spent 15 years or so, folks. And the month that our co-founder, Bill Wilson, passed away, I started drinking, folks. And I was off to the races from the beginning. The deal that separated me from so many people that I met in Alcoholics Anonymous is that I had a bunch of what we would call successful years drinking and drugging. I wasn't going to jail. I wasn'T robbing liquor stores. I wasn' t doing all the goofy stuff that so many of you guys eventually end up doing. And so at the attempt of saving a marriage in the early 80s, I went to my first AA meeting. And I was already taking antidepressants. Early, about the mid-70s, I started taking antidespressants because of a depressive disorder. Y'all with us? Probably some of the pills that y'all are still taking now. And I don't have a problem with that. I was fortunate to be able to get off all that stuff. stuff. But how can I put this gently? I walked into my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and full of questions, and I didn't know what this was all about. And they asked me if I had a problem with alcohol, and they said yes, and then we talked about everything under the sun except alcoholism. Everything. Relationships, jobs, traffic, weather. Oh, Jesus. This is was the early 80s and inner child work had just begun. And we had people talking about that and it was cool. I'm committed to try to get sober, but I can't stand the meetings. I hated Alcoholics Anonymous. I enjoyed the first few dozen I went to. It was interesting to listen to how screwed up y'all were. But I couldn't relate. If we weren't talking about some outside issue that we're not supposed to talk about, we were talking about your problems. We were talking I'm talking about your war stories, and I couldn't relate to your war stories. And I watch people do it every day today, unless you're in my meeting and I'll shut you down in a heartbeat. War stories are cool, guys. Any of you old geezers in here that are getting tweaky because I'm talking about war stories? I just need to set your mind at ease. One of the most powerful things I have is my story. In a 12-step call, it is indispensable. How can I do a 12 step call if I don't have a story to talk to this guy about? How am I going to get some identification gratification going. But meetings, folks, were never intended. Meetings, folks were never intended as a 12-step call. They weren't in the olden days and they aren't today. They have become that. A 12- step call is when you get with somebody that doesn't know about this program and you talk to them a little bit about it. You share some of your story and he shares some of his story just like Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob did on page 155 where we were just reading and they get the little guy's interest and then y'all start talking about the solution. And you see if he wants to get well, qualify him, find out if he needs to be one of us and then take him to a meeting so he can hear other people share about the situation. That's the way it was intended to be. What have we turned them into today? Guys, the number one complaint that I hear about Alcoholics Anonymous is that I'm sick and tired of listening to the war stories. And my question is, unless you happen to be in a 12-step call every day, why are you hearing war stories? If you'll read the archival material, it says quite clearly. Read the simplest archival material, Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers. It'll tell you point blank. We didn't talk about our war stories in meetings. We knew how to drink. What we didn't know was how to stay sober. Let's talk about the solution. That's why we can't keep the young adults in our meetings. We drive them crazy with the goddamn war stories. Drive them nuts. You're going to listen to about how you got six DWIs one more time. We're never going to get around to talking about a fourth step. We're not going to talk about a third step. We're ever going to be around talking about the spiritual experience because we're too busy talking about how you got here. Guys, the guy screwed up his courage and got it all together and walked in the back door. Why is it that we want to bore him spitless with another war story? Some of you just look like you've been slapped. Well I thought that was what we were supposed to be doing. You fought wrong. Quit. Number one complaint I get at our hospital. We've got a thousand patients through their year. The number one complaint is, why don't you go to AA? I hate AA. Why? They tell war stories until the cows come home and they're constantly pissing and moaning about their problems. Amen. Amen. We just read the traditions that tells us what our primary purpose was. To carry the message. Carry the message. What's the message? Twelve steps. That's our primary purpose. We can't seem to get to the primary purpose because we're too busy trying to fix your problems. Am I saying that the people in our fellowship can't help us with our problems? Heavens, no. Of course they can. Look at this room. Look at these people. Look at all this gathering that we've got out here on this patio. There's hundreds of us out here. How much experience could we share with that newcomer? Why do we feel like we have to do it in a meeting? book gets crystal clear. Book gets crystal clear. It's not giving that's in question. It's when and how to give. When we allow the newcomer to start depending on us, instead of God, we're doing them a disservice. Isn't that right? A lady comes in and she's having a relationship problem, so we spend an hour talking about relationships. How the hell is she ever going to get connected to God if we're going to fix every problem she's got? And why I'm asking the question while I'm on the subject What makes you so damn smart that you know what she's supposed to do? Can you imagine walking into a room full of Alcoholics Anonymous and wanting to talk about relationships? God damn. Well, I've been married six times. Let me tell you what I think. No. No. I don't think so. I don'T think so Why is it that we think that we've got to be junior therapists in our fellowship? that's why so many people don't want to sponsor people because they're afraid they're going to hurt somebody you know what my job as a sponsor is I'm sponsoring Paul say you know who I am you know where my job with him is to qualify him to teach him about our fellowship and to work him through the 12 steps as rapidly as I can get his little round butt through him and then God God, who he gets to get connected to through the process, gets to teach him what to do. Make sense? Let me... I want to get back to my story real quick. But I wantto mention something that happened to me this week. This has happened hundreds of times in my sobriety. But it happened... I was in New York last weekend at a conference up there and was talking, was coming back on a plane And this little guy that I met out west at a talk, he called me and tried to get me to talk out there. And I couldn't. And he called again. I said, God, I told you I'm booked up. I can't. And he call back. And I said damn it. He wore me down. And I went and talked anyway. And I doubled up. And it was just a rough week. But I love this guy. He didn't. But I hadn't talked to him since I left. Just busy. Just hadn't. And I'm coming back from New York on the plane and his little, you know, face crossed my mind. You know, and it's like, I wonder how he's doing. And two nights later, I think of him again. And, of course, I know today what that's about because my spirit is awakened today. I'm open to what's out there in the universe. You with me? Some of you are nodding your head. Some of us think this guy's fucking crazy. I know. But the book says we will intuitively know how to handle certain situations. The certain situation is, do I put this off? Anyway, the next day, I take time and go back through my date planner and I find his number and I call him on the telephone. It's about lunch. And I call Him on the phone and I get His, I recognize His voice and I said, Buddy, how are you doing? And He starts to cry. He says, why are you calling me? And I said. You've You've just been on my mind. And he cries harder. He's in a little bind. He's not drinking. He's sober. Let's say this, he's dry. Okay? The spiritual malady has come back. He's had an argument, a fight with the guy in the group. A little chicken shit resentment. And it's blocked him and he's not going to meetings now. You know, one of those I'll show you things. But he's dying because he's a real McCoy. See? And he's in trouble. And out of the clear blue sky I call him and encourage him to get back. And before the conversation's over, we're both crying and having a good laugh about how cool this was. But why didn't I call Him two weeks ago? Because it wasn't time to call Him two weeks before. It was Time to Call Him right then and there. Y'all follow? That's how God works. That's the stuff that's available for everyone. All of you guys in here, you know, it's like, do I take the job or do I not take the work? Do I stay or do i move? Do I buy the car or do not buy the Car? Who knows? Who knows what's right for you? When are we going to start putting this fellowship back where it belongs, guys? Right in the lap of God. The higher power that you pray to every day. Why do you think we're doing that? Do you think that we're just doing that so we can stay sober one stupid day at a time? The whole purpose of this is so that we can get conscious contact with that power. And that's where so many people in our fellowships are missing the boat. if all of this was about just not staying sober one stupid day at a time guys we're missing the point this is about a cooler much more productive life and that's where people need to be and if you're not there it's nobody's fault but yours unless of course Worse, you're going to open discussion meetings where they don't have time to talk about it. I'm going to tell you and then it's not your fault. How can you blame somebody if they've never heard the solution? I'm around Alcoholics Anonymous for seven years and I don't even have a big book. I'm an AA for seven year and don't ever have a sponsor. But I'm a meeting making fool. Old geezers come up, buddy, don't worry about doing any of this service work right now. Now, you just chill out and sit on your butt there and just meeting makers make it, don't you know? And you just keep going. A lot of 90 meetings in 90 days and everything's going to be okay. God, how I would have loved to have made 90 days. I just couldn't because I'm the cat that could not not drink, guys. I do great, guys, Guys, I've got this thing called a physical allergy. Simple, clear. I put the crap in my body. Something happens different in me because of the way I'm wired. And I sometimes over drink. I can't control how much I drink. I don't do it every time. But at certain times, I drink too damn much. You with us? And I know that's the problem. But my head says this time is going to be different, right? So you couple this physical piece with this mental piece, this mental obsession. And that's what kills alcoholics and addicts. I've Got a Mind that tells me I don' t have a problem. It tells me I've got a problem today because my ass is on fire. And the judge is looking over his bench at me, you know? And the wife has got me on the couch. Oh, I've Got a Problem. But two weeks later, I don't remember all of that. The book says I will not remember the consequences of even a week or a month ago. That's another reason that I don' t like to do war stories in meetings. What the hell are we trying to do? The book said on page 24, You're not going to remember the consequence of evena week ora monthago. You'renot even going toremember your own stupid war stories. What makes you think you're going to remember mine? I was in a meeting two weeks ago, and a guy looked over and says, You don't want to end up like me, do you? Guys, folks, please, any of you old-timers in here, if you ever lean across the table and say something like that to somebody, try to catch yourself and stop yourself from just saying something so goofy. What are you going to threaten somebody into sobriety? Do you think for a second they're ever going to be a loser like you? God. Why don't the next time you go to that meeting, introduce yourself as a recovered alcoholic and a cat who's not obsessing about alcohol and tell them you've got the coolest life imaginable and you'll be glad to show them how to have the same life. I guarantee you, I guarantee that'll get the little bastard's attention.