Nothing Wrong with Freeing the Slaves but the Washingtonians Lost Their Singleness of Purpose and Everybody Died Drunk – DeAndre M.

My name's DeAndre, and I'm an alcoholic. My name's DeAndre, and I'm an alcoholic. And, uh, wow. Grateful to be sober. I want to thank, uh, you guys for having me out here. It's an honor and a privilege, uh, to do anything an alcoholic's anonymous, especially show up sober. And, uh, I want to thank God and AA for those cakes and chips. Wow. A lot of stuff going on with that. Let me tell you, I know exactly which microphone works and which way to go when I leave. You know, they got that all figured out. You guys are really good at teaching stuff, so early on in the meeting, uh, a long start here. Just, uh, interesting group. I, I, I, my home group now is the, uh, Hermosa Beach, uh, Men's Tag, uh, 830, uh, Monday nights. And, uh, it's a great meeting. They're saying it's good that they got the, you got the old people here, the young people here, and it's good to see a couple of black people here tonight. That's pretty, we got it all tied in together here. So if you're new, you shouldn't be that confused. You are probably here, you know. There's somebody like you here. Uh, my sobriety date is May the 29th, 1991. That's not to impress you. That's just to remind me that I haven't always tried to live like this. And, uh, my birthday's coming up. If you're new, I'll add it up for you. I'll be 16 years old next month. Um, and before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, and I was pretty much a dead man talking. So it's good to see so many new people alive tonight. I grew up in the, uh, Jordan Downs housing projects. Which is a little community over on the other side of this one. Here in that community, what I learned is absolutely nothing about you kind of people in this kind of an environment. You know, live directly the opposite way of what you, uh, men and women have been trying to teach me for going on 16 years. And, uh, I love being over there though, man. I love the projects. I love living in the projects. It's just like one problem right next to another, baby. And, and, and that's how I organize my life. And that's how I see it as a functioning alcoholic. I pile my problems up so they're, they're just big enough not to solve, you know, so I can get drinking. And I love alcohol. Uh, my mother used to make this punch at all these parties she used to give. Uh, she called it, uh, son of a bitch. And the punch was basically made with the Hawaiian punch concentrate. She put a lot of water in there. Uh, and, uh, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I don't know how you can get in there. And this wine called Spaniada. I see we have some, uh, fine wine drinkers out there today. Really good. You know. And, of course, every once in a while the store would run out of Spaniada so we would get the sister wine, Tyrolia. You know. Get that in there. And, uh, you know, when I, when I, when we, when we had those parties and they would play spades, which is a card game, I used to play it, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, so we would get the sister wine, Tyrolia, you know, get that in there, and, you know, when we had those parties, and they would play spades, which is a card game, and they would play cards and do that, and me and my sister and my brother, we would go around and we would clean up the party, and thank God for the normal drinker, you know, thank God for the normal drinker, the drinker that doesn't have a problem, the drinker that can drink without developing the phenomenon of craving, the drinker that can sit around and watch his mom and dad have fun and not pray for people to leave so he can clean up, you know, amen for those people, you know, and what happened is I basically ran as much as I could, you know, to drink and to use and to party. And to have a good old time, you know, and all of a sudden, the good old times got shorter, you know, and the pain grew faster and more heavier on my heart, and I couldn't get away. A lot of people come here to AA now, seeking escape, you know, and I'm one of those kind of alcoholics. I seek refuge. I am a refugee of the drunken world. I'm a victim of insanity. And I found my brothers and sisters here, you know, because it was really hard out there, and it really, really hurt bad. And I got ran out of that neighborhood, and I wound up getting into a place called Warm Springs Rehabilitation Center, which is described as an asylum in this book. And in that place, they taught me about Alcoholics Anonymous. They didn't spend a whole lot of time teaching me. They taught me about that place, you know, because those people who opened up that place knew that places like that have always been around. Treatment, you know, therapy, you know, all of that stuff is beautiful. It's very helpful. But for this alcoholic, it can get a little messed up for me, because, see, in therapy, the customer's always right, you know. And in Alcoholics Anonymous, we don't mind letting our customers know they're wrong. And so, whatever. What happened for me is I started going to a lot of meetings. Meetings, meetings, meetings, you know. And I loved the meetings. And I would listen to the people who didn't like the meetings, and they tripped me out, man. I could not understand these people that didn't like these meetings, and would make it hard on the meeting. And they would tell us in the meeting that they didn't like the meeting, and they would hold our meeting hostage to let us know that these meetings. This is not what they needed. But they would come back every day to tell us that. I don't know if anybody in here could relate to that, but damn, you know. And I wound up living on that mountain up there for 11 months. It's a 90-day program. I'm a real alcoholic. You can tell when I like something, because I usually hang around, you know. And I hung around, you know, and eventually, it came time where they had to let me go, you know. But while I was there, I became the chairman of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was in charge of observing 38 meetings a week, making sure that these meetings were being ran the way they should be. And since I had been living on Skid Row for about a year, and I got there with no underwear on and one pair of pants, I knew what needed to be done in these meetings. And I went ahead, and they – one meeting kind of confused me a little bit on the hill at Warm Springs, and that was a Spanish-speaking meeting. I was in charge of observing that meeting, but the problem is, I don't speak Spanish. But I did go and give them my best shot, you know. Really got involved with AA early on up there, and when I left there, I moved to Lancaster, California. Yeah. I see y'all looking at – yeah, Lancaster, that's right. Lancaster, California. And Jesus was fond of the desert, but I wasn't. And I lived there for 10 years. So, yeah. So, yeah. Thank you. I lived there for 12 years. 12 years of my sobriety. Original home group is the Open Door Fellowship Hall of Alcoholics Anonymous. And in that meeting, those men and women did not play around, you know. They didn't play, man. We had fun, but it was before the meeting, on the break, and afterwards. But during the meeting, you know, we nurtured Alcoholics Anonymous during our meetings, you know. And I remember just having those men and women talk. And I remember just having those men and women talk. And I remember just having those men and women talk. And I remember just having those women and women talk. And I… I remember just having those men and women talk, man, and having just those men and women come in there and share about going to work, home and play, man, and not drinking, and staying sober, you know. And I met some very, very important people there. And one of those gentlemen is here tonight. He's the only man in this room that saw me when I was a newcomer. And that's Al Russell. He used to come up to Warm Springs. And they invited us down into that community when we would leave that rehab, man. We'd go to his house, in the hills, in the dark, with olive trees and this. You know, play golf. He's going to be there all the time. So, I'm really glad to be there tonight. It was dark with all them trees and stuff, you know. And they had a meeting, and it was, you know, they had one meeting, and it was like a candlelight meeting. And it's dark, and they had candles lit, and they talk about God. And I'd seen footage in high school in that kind of a situation. Because I hear people nowadays sharing in the meetings that they're not comfortable. They got to go somewhere, get comfortable, and then they're going to stay in AA. And I think that's kind of backwards, man. You stay here just as uncomfortable as you can be. You go ahead and do that. We need you here. Please keep your uncomfortable ass here, because we need to learn from you. There's something that I've been reading lately, and it's not a poem or any kind of a weird book from some beautiful author that they agree with out there. It's our service. Manual for Alcoholics Anonymous. And I don't want to scare you. Look, somebody went like that. That's the service. That's all it is, you know. And it says, our 12th step carrying the message is the basic service that the AA fellowship gives. This is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. Therefore, AA is more than a set of principles. It is a society of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither, and those who haven't been given the truth may die. And so when we're all done laughing and talking in here, I got to remember that. Because before coming to Alcoholics Anonymous, I had yet found no answer. In fact, that's the best group of people that this stuff works for. People who have yet found the truth. People who have yet found the truth. People who have yet found no answer. And when I left that community out there and I moved here, further down the hill, I moved to, I live in Glendale right now. I live in Glendale. I moved to all the little places, you know. And in Glendale, because I grew up in the projects, you have one trash can for everything. But in Glendale, there's three different trash cans. For three different reasons. And I find that absolutely amazing at 15 years sober. That we are now sorting trash. And when I lived on Skid Row, we used to just collect it, you know. Now I'm sorting it, you know. And I started going to meetings out in this community. And now, you know, I just love the meetings, man. And I love Alcoholics Anonymous. And what I want to share, basically, is that, you know, I have a lot of problems still. Today, in my life, that I've created myself, you know, and I'm willing to deal with that stuff with my sponsor and take steps and have people in my life that help me see through all of these games that I play in order to avoid the fact that I need a higher power to change me, you know. And with effective sponsorship, you can almost become like me. Like a goddamn anomaly around here, you know. And it gets a little frustrating sometimes. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous has afforded me the ability to live in the solution without having all the answers. And I didn't know how to do that before I got here. There was guys like Al and some of his friends, Cowboy and Dennis Corkill and my original sponsor, Dennis Lee, that kind of trained me. You know, and so I'm just sort of brainwashed, you know, and I believe in this stuff, and I believe that I'm a part of AA today, and I'm not afraid of that, you know, and I've embraced the suck, you know. And if you're new, I suggest you do that. Embrace it. You know, a lot of times when I was a younger person in my life, I would try to find anything to cover up everything. I don't know if anybody in here can relate to that. Heard a lot of clapping earlier. And that's how I am, man. I'm a real alcoholic. This is the disease of self-will, blame others, and cover it up, man. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day that's from this area, and he told me the reason why the parents in this community work so hard is you've got to get a good psychiatrist to get a damn good lawyer, you know. And I understand that today. This disease affects a lot of people. It really does. You know, and what happened for me at the open door is I got a way to live down in Glendale. And I believe that I haven't missed the boat that's going to take care of every need that I have in my life. I have not missed the boat. And a lot of people are floating around AA, and they're missing the boat, man. You're missing the boat that's going to take care of every need that you have in your life. Even if you've got to seek some outside help, you know, it's a miracle. I don't mean to offend anybody. I hear sneezing and stuff. Anybody allergic to the truth in here? Come on. Shit. I haven't been talking that long, man. Alcoholics Anonymous is a miracle, man. The age of miracles is still amongst us. The big book tells me that a lot of times, you know, I live in self-will, but I don't even realize it. And when you guys allow me in this environment, and I'm allowed to function in this society, not only do I get to learn something, but I become a teacher and or an example. And it's really amazing. Because I come from a place where we collect trash. You know, and today I don't have to do that, you know. I'm not afraid of the solution today. It just makes me uncomfortable sometimes, you know. If you are new in this... If you are new in this meeting, I hope you leave here and take a little piece of it with you, you know. Just some of the laughter. Not all of it. We don't want you to have too much fun here. I mean, you may compare it to drinking and think that it's safe to take one. We're laughing because we found a way out. We're laughing because we are celebrating sobriety. We're laughing because God couldn't would if he were sought, not fought. You know, we're laughing. We're laughing because this thing works and I need help. We're laughing because wasn't a damn thing funny when most of us got here. You know, and a lot of people get lost in the laughter, you know. And I went to Disneyland not too long ago with some of my friends here. My sponsor family is here. And we went to Disneyland. And I want to share a little bit about this because it reminds me of the solution and getting out of the problem. Because my war story is real short. I haven't been running in and out of AA since 1991. I've been here since that first meeting so far. And we went to Disneyland and there's a ride there, my favorite ride at Disneyland. It's a, what's it called? It's a small world. You know why those people know that? You know why those people know that? Because they know me. That's why they know that. And that's why we have to be connected. Because I can get up here and tell you my favorite ride. My favorite ride is the Dumbo ride. And the people who went with me to Disneyland that day know that I didn't even get on that damn thing. We need to be connected. So if you're sitting in this room tonight and you're feeling disconnected, it's because you are. Come join us. We do not want to join you. It's just like, you know, my sponsor used to tell me, Al and them, they corner you and they go, hey, look buddy, we don't want what you have. We're trying to get rid of it. That's an uncomfortable feeling. But you ride it out. Anyway, my favorite ride at Disneyland. It's a small world because you're in this little boat, right? And you're riding around. And you see all the things. And they're singing the same song all over the world. You go through. Some of y'all can relate because you've been on it. See? And you go through and you're in this little boat. And all your friends are there. Some of them don't like it. We got a picture of one of my friends. And he looks like the Unabomber on that ride. You can't stand it. It's a small world after all. And you're on the boat, man. And you're involved. And you're not on the outside. They don't allow you to get out of the boat. You get out of the boat, there's going to be some problems. And you stay in the boat. And you go on the ride. And you listen to the music. And halfway into it, around Africa somewhere, you start humming along. It becomes a small world after all. And the only way that you can get off the boat is if you go to the end of the ride. See? You don't stop in the middle and bitch about the people that are running the ride. Vote people out that make sure the boat moves. Change boats in the middle. You know. You know how you're a change sponsor every time you change feelings? You know. I remember the first time I wanted to change sponsors and my original sponsor, he told me that I needed to get a job. He said, you know, so you need to get a job. I said, I gotta get a new sponsor. Bullshit. They let you change sponsors too fast. And Alcoholics Anonymous nowadays, man. My big book says this is a lifelong process. You know. Stop bar hopping if you're new. Join us. Get connected. You know. And when I got a chance to really get involved with Dennis Lee, he talked to me a lot about my attitude because I just, you know, I want my ba-ba. Right? I want my ba-ba and you want me to read the big book. You know. What are you gonna do, drink it? I need a drink, man. Bullshit truth. I need a drink. And he would just not let me feel comfortable about that. But Alcoholics Anonymous was the solution. You know. And he loved me through the 12 steps. You know. And basically what's going on in my life right now is I have a really good life today. You know. It's got its burdens so, you know. I have to show up for it. I used to have a really good life when I would do my form of alcohol, right? And drink and be up all night. I consider that a really good life. I was free. And then he would tell me, DeAndre, when people do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it, that's called lawlessness. Freedom is doing what you have to do when it needs to be done. I mean, this man taught me how to go vote. Because I would complain about things and I just, you know, I was detached from life. I didn't care about anybody but me. And I lived on Skid Row and I sold myself, my brother's clothing, everything I could get my hands on to get that next drink. And now you want me to come in here and cooperate. It was a really weird transition for me. And I didn't have anything to smooth it over either because I didn't have no medical insurance. I had to tough it out. And admit that I was in pain and it hurt it. And you men and women didn't even care. All you did was share. You know, and you helped me. You know, I was mad at one of the elder members in our group talking about these old people. One thing I like about old people is they're not young anymore. And I was mad at this guy in my group, Al knows him, Doug Hills. And Doug made me mad one day. He wanted me to stop trying to vote my sponsor out of the group. I was there to vote him out. No, what he'd do is he'd round up all these new people. He'd brainwash them into believing that this thing worked. And it just seemed like he wasn't really helping very many people to me. And so I took it to the business meeting. I mean, isn't that what the business meeting is for? It's the newcomer complaint box? That's why they have these business meetings, right? So the new people can come in and tell us how to really do AA. I mean, that's what I was taught, you know, by my other truck driver coffee drinking friends who didn't stay sober. I mean, they taught me the significance of a business meeting. And I remember him just telling me, you know what, Doug, you can't act like that. We want to change our lives. And I hated him, him and his wife, for about two weeks because I got laid off at my job. And I didn't have anything to eat at my house. And I was well over being a newcomer. I was about six years sober. And him and his wife invited me to their house, and they fed me. And I was ashamed of the resentment, and I didn't even tell them about it. I just ate that spaghetti, man. Old people know how to cook, too, I'll tell you. And I made amends to those people. And those people love me, and those people are waiting on my birthday. They're waiting on me to drive up to Lancaster and take that cake. You know, and welcome to you people taking these chips. You know, take as many chips out of these boxes as you can, but also work on that chip on your shoulder. These people are about love, man. I can feel it. These people are about love. And it's not that warm feeling that you get when you're about to, you know, because we get the wrong idea about love. Love is an action. There's certain things I've got to do if I'm going to be about love. There's this movie that we were watching, and my friend Chris and I noticed a line in the movie. They say that comprehension is not a requisite for cooperation. Because a lot of new people will tell you that they'll do it when they understand it. They'll do this inventory, they'll make those amends, they'll do the prayers when they get around to understanding it first. And I'm here to share that you're probably going to die doing that. I've been sober a while, and I don't understand over half this stuff. And so some newcomer's going to tell me, that they got it all figured out. My pride won't stand for it. You gotta be as ignorant as me going into this thing, baby. And what we do is we just follow along, man. And we don't lose our individuality, don't get me wrong, but we make sure we're following along. And I couldn't do that out there on those streets, man. I always wound up straying away being by myself loaded somewhere. And it was your fault. Because you wouldn't let me in. You're responsible for how I feel and how I treat you. And all that wacky thinking, man, stinking thinking leads to drinking. You know, and they ask us in the doctor's opinion that the new person have that, my mind had to be clear, man. And I tell you what clears my mind faster than anything in the world, and it's pain. Pain clears me up, baby. When I started hurting, I started really looking for stuff that's working. You know? And I believe that me as an individual, I can't take the newcomer's pain away. But if that newcomer is allowed to come in here with that pain, the group will go to work on them. The Spirit of God will help you with that pain. And I see a lot of people doing a lot of this backdoor sponsorship trying to ease that pain and stuff through some kind of weird, co-dependent, kind of undercover Al-Anon thing. And we encourage the newcomer to come here with pain. Bring your pain! You know? So you can put up with these people around here that have found serenity. That are no longer addicted to chaos. Find out who these people are. You know? They're here, man. I want to read one thing and then I'll start wrapping it up. I know you guys are tired of me already. It's in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's my favorite page in the book. And it's in Bill's story on page 15. And he babbles about how we commence to make many fast friends. And a fellowship has grown up amongst us, which is a wonderful thing to feel a part. The joy of living we really have, even under pressure and difficulty. I have seen hundreds of families set their feet in the path that really goes somewhere. Have seen the most impossible domestic situations right. Feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped out. I have seen men come out of asylums. Rehab. We come out of there. And resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us. Wow. So bring your pain, baby. Bring it on. Bring your uncooperative attitude. Come on in here with it. Let us know how to do AA, will ya? The old guys, they told me, man, they said, if you're not here after what we're here after, we'll be here after you're long gone. And I understand that today, you know. Because I've seen the parade, man. I've seen the people, you know, you grab that spiritual bag of popcorn, you know, and you just watch the parade. You know? Just watch it go. And they come around and whoo-hoo-hoo. They do all kind of stuff. Coming in here, boy. You know what, real quick, the magnitude of the meeting is what I want to babble about a little bit more and I'm going to sit down. The magnitude of the AA meeting, the depth and weight of an AA meeting, man, for all these people. Sometimes it goes to me, they just shit all over the meeting. Because they think that, you know, it's like if you're too cheap to go get a good psychiatrist, that's not our fault. They come to the meeting, man, and it becomes a free-for-all. Kind of like what the Washingtonians turned into. A lot of those men and women died drunk. They got carried away with all this other stuff, man. And it lasted for ten years. You know? Ten whole years of saving drunks and helping alcoholics, man. And then they got wrapped up in all this other stuff. And it was good stuff, too. Not bad stuff. Hell, ain't nothing wrong with freeing the slaves. It's a good thing. But they lost focus, man. They didn't have a singleness of purpose. You know? And at AA, we do. We have that. We have a single purpose, man. And I know it offends people. I know it makes people upset. But it keeps a lot of us fucking sober, man. Keeps a lot of us from drinking. Sticking to what's up around here. People don't want to hear that. But I gotta hear it. Or I bounce, man. I do a ghost on you. I will. People tell you, you left your commitment. Because they're not committed to AA. And I gotta be committed to AA, man. I can go do volunteer work at the Salvation Army. When I have a commitment in an AA meeting, because I'm committed to alcoholics anonymous. You know, I'm not committed to some other cause or ambition when it comes to this thing, man. So if you got problems, welcome. Because we got solutions. And this stuff works, man. I was on the phone with my mother this morning. Her mother died. My grandmother died two weeks ago. And my mother is laughing. Because I'm telling her stuff that's funny. And we're talking about love. And we're gonna go put the ashes in the mausoleum. And they already had the funeral. And I'm a part of that process with my family. Because you men and women have taught me that I need to make amends. People tell me I don't have good people skills. Around here? Hell no, I don't. Because these people think they got skills coming up in here and they're gonna run game on me. I know what these people did for me in here. And I know when you're not doing it for me, I can feel it. There's a feeling that you get. People are trying to run game on you and then they throw AA in there. Like a boomerang. With blades on it. And I'm not into that, man. I feel it in my gut, man. I feel AA. I love it. And my mother is laughing and thinking that I'm crazy. You're funny. You still going to those meetings, aren't you? She knows what's happening. She knows what's happening. You people have taken me and you allowed me to be here with you. Wherever I go and I go to the meeting, there's AA there. And people just be, we get our little coffee, we go in there and we look and we talk and we read this book together and we go through the steps. We take the steps. Here are the steps we took. Now there's a lot of healthy people in here. There's a lot of guys and gals in this very meeting, their lives have just blossomed. They got careers. I'm seeing, I'm looking at these guys, man. Some of the people that I work with, going to school, they got the degrees, they got a lot of stuff, man. And I'm coming up on 16 years and it's like, you know what, one drink plus 16 years equals nothing. It equals nothing, man. The highest rank in this deal is sober. Yeah, because I want it to be something else, man. They're telling me that I'm the best worker at my job. They're saying you are the best at what you're doing. I got certificates to prove it. You are the best one. And I start thinking about that. And then some goddamn newcomer calls me. And then I remember, you know, that I'm not really my best out there. I'm my best in here in AA. All that other stuff, man, it just comes and I love it. It's beautiful. But it's not the sole aim for my life today. To get out there and get the little star on my forehead of three-dimensional validation. That's not what I'm after. Something spiritual took place for me here. Today. Not 16 years ago. Today. I woke up this morning and I got on my knees and asked my higher power to keep me sober today. And I'd be willing to bet I'm gonna thank him tonight. Because I'm gonna be with you men and women until I go home. If you're new, hang in there. Help's on the way. But you gotta learn how to stay. You gotta stay here at AA. You gotta stay here with us. Stay here. There's nothing out there. Not when it comes to a solution that we have in here. They ain't got nothing, man. The big book says that we don't have a monopoly on God. Okay? But when it comes to having the singleness of purpose, I don't want to hire a gal sober like me and you. I know we win. I mean, I've played Monopoly before. And nothing like winning when you're playing Monopoly, boy. I'm telling you. But when you're losing in Monopoly, it sucks. It's horrible. You got the last one little white dollar bill. You know? I love winning. And the reason why I share and I'll close is that I'm grateful for what I have found here. I'm grateful for what I have found. Somebody was saying, boy, you sure do talk a lot. You're damn right, man. You're damn right. When it comes to having your life saved. When it comes to gratitude. You know? When it comes to knowing people like Al. I remember the first time I got Al's phone number. Man, I was a newcomer. And I was so excited. It was like kryptonite against them damn losers up there. You know? Watch out, I got Al's phone number. You better watch it, baby. And you know you're in pain. And you know that you have not been successfully drinking. And you come around here. And you have these people around you floating around here that's not getting this work done. But they claim that they're still one of us as far as getting the work done. You can be confused by that kind of peer pressure in AA. Man, you better find the people that are sticking with this work. And you know who they are. The people you're not hanging with. The ones you're avoiding. The ones you're not hanging with. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Green team, bro. Here he comes. You know who they are. You know who they are. You know, don't you? Yeah, you know. I know who they are. Hell, some days I stay the hell away from them. Took me about four years to find Al again. I moved back out of there. Coming out here to these meetings. I saw him in the meeting. And I had to think, am I mad at him? I'll shut up with this. He used to tell this story about having this boat. You know. Look, some of y'all went straight back to Disneyland. I'm up here now. Come on. He had this boat. And you get inside this boat. And you put everything inside the boat. Your children and your life. Your wife, whoever, whatever you got going on. Copy of your big book. Your God concept. Your favorite meeting. You put all this stuff in the boat, right? And you're just paddling around on a wave, you know, on the sea of life. In this boat. And a wave, the wave of life, a wave of anything. He could be like me. Dying last year, almost bled to death. A wave comes and knocks you and everything out of the boat. What do you grab first? You grab the boat. And the boat is Alcoholics Anonymous. And you're either in or you're out. The intuitive in is always out. No matter who you are or what you think it's all about. If you're not in, you're out. And I suggest that you kind of thumb through that tonight. Along with the resentment I may or may not have given you. And figure it out, you know? Anyway, my time's up and thanks for having me.