No Resentment for Thirteen Years Was the Biggest Resentment of All – Loretta S.

About This Speaker Tape

Loretta shares from her home group in St. Petersburg, Florida, with over 13 years of sobriety. She opens with a vivid story about carrying a 13-year resentment against the well-known AA speaker Clancy, who publicly embarrassed her when she got up for coffee during his talk in her first 30 days of sobriety. At a recent conference, she finally had a revelation that she did indeed have a resentment, approached Clancy, told him the story, and felt genuinely free for the first time.

She was born on the island of Newfoundland in a large, poor family of nine surviving children — all of whom eventually had problems with alcohol. Her father was a periodic drinker who made moonshine, and at five years old she stood with her finger out waiting for the first drop from the still. She married a U.S. Navy sailor at 18, had two children, and spent 19 years as a military wife feeling restless, irritable, and discontent without understanding why. She was never faithful to her husband, and they divorced in 1980.

After the divorce she moved to Long Beach, California, and her drinking escalated through seven years of partying. Terrified of getting a DUI and ending up in Sybil Brand women's jail, she married a teetotaler who would drive her to parties — only to discover he owed 10 years of back taxes and 14 years of child support. After five years of paying off his debts, he left her for another woman. She filed for divorce on a Wednesday; he had a fatal heart attack on Friday. She got sober on December 16, 1994, at age 52, convinced she still had years of drinking left in her.

She describes how working the Fourth Step with Chuck forced her to see her own part in the wreckage of her second marriage — a painful but transformative process. Today she lives in Florida with Chuck, has two children, two grandchildren, and a great-grandson. She credits the Big Book, the tools of the program, and the people of AA with showing her both the problem and the solution. She closes by saying she would not trade the journey for anything.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction at home group, sobriety date December 16, 1994
• 1:30 Story of interrupting Clancy's talk for coffee in her first 30 days — the start of a 13-year resentment
• 7:00 Confronting Clancy at a recent conference and finally feeling free of the resentment
• 10:00 Growing up poor in Newfoundland — family of nine children, all with alcohol problems
• 13:00 Father's moonshine still on the wood stove — wanting the first drop at age five
• 18:00 First marriage to Navy sailor, 19 years of restless irritable discontent and infidelity
• 23:00 Marrying the teetotaler to avoid DUIs, discovering his massive tax and child support debts
• 28:00 Second husband's affair and fatal heart attack the week she filed for divorce
• 33:00 Fourth Step with Chuck — forced to see her part in the marriage wreckage
• 38:00 Meeting Chuck at a convention in Laughlin, moving to Florida, life today in gratitude