Next Steps – Emotional Sobriety – Part 1 – Dave F. & Mark H.

All right. My name is Rick. I'm an alcoholic. I want to welcome everyone to the third annual Fellowship of the Spirit in New York. And from... And I'll introduce the speaker, which is Mark H. from Dallas, Texas, and Dave F. from Green Village, New Jersey. Thank you. Good evening. I'm Dave. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Dave. And I don't know if you guys are like me, but I suspect you are. A little bit of tension from the New York Friday evening shore traffic to get here. So before we get going, one of the concepts that I always like to talk about, that any time that I get together with another person to talk about the 12 Steps and the program and what this spiritual path that we're on, and that's what this whole weekend is about. It's the fellowship of the Spirit. And we're talking about the second fellowship in AA. You know, there's two fellowships in AA, and I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir with the people that are in this room. The people that would come to this kind of fellowship understand that there's three fellowships. There's the spirit of the fellowship, which is just the friendship and the camaraderie, And then there's the fellowship of the spirit that people that go through the 12 steps and actually work the 12 steps, their spirit wakes up and we connect with each other at a special level. And it's a bond that we have that we share. And so I always like to sit down, even with a newcomer, I sit down and I talk about us being a spiritual body any time the two of us get together because for me, you people are a mirror. and I look at you and I look at your eyes and I see the love come back at me and it gets me an opportunity to see what's inside myself by looking at you. And hopefully this weekend will be the exact same. So, I know my mirror right now is pretty tarnished so I'm sure there's some people out there that have, you know, the guy they just cut you off back on LIE or the Grand Central. Why don't we get quiet for a minute and we'll just sit here and then after a minute or two I'll go ahead and open up the meeting with a prayer and then we'll jump into this and have a good time with this. Father, I ask that you come into this room and be with a spiritual body, Father. That we realize that this is a gift of your grace and your love to us. That no other time will this group of people, these spirits, be here together. And that we may have an interaction that is truly joyous in sharing your love. Father, I ask that you help us set aside everything that we think we know about what this weekend is going to entail and remove our fears of what may block us off from hearing the truth. Help us to set aside our egos and our preconceived notions of what the 12 steps are about that you may enter our hearts and our minds to have a new experience with each other. Father, help us to set aside the angers and the emotions of the day. Help us to be peaceful and calm as we enjoy this. Allow us to laugh and enjoy each other's presence and share in the harmony that a group of drunks can present to each other. And lastly, Father, I'd like to ask a special prayer that after we leave here this evening, that you keep us safe and protected as we go through this spiritual event with each other for these next three days and that we can keep in touch with each other as a spiritual entity between the breaks that we take, that we keep mindful of where we need to be when we're in this group talking about the importance of these steps because it really is life and death, Father. And thank you, Father, for this opportunity to share with these people. I'm forever in your debt. Amen. So what are we doing here? here. For me, I got asked to come here and present. And the first thing that my ego does is says, oh yeah, sure, sure. I'd be happy to. And then a week later or so you start thinking about the magnitude of what did I just accept? Getting up in front of a bunch of drunks and you might as well just paint a big bullseye. I've already gotten about several comments on my shirt. The reason I wore this shirt is because if you're going to be up here like a bullseye, you might as well wear one. Our egoic minds are going to want to not listen to what's transpired here. What I share here this weekend, I hope, will be my experience with these 12 steps. And I know that Mark's going to Be sharing the same thing. It's going going to be his experience. You can't have our experience. It's our experience, but one of the things that we're going to have here this weekend is together we're gonna share a new experience and even somebody that picks up these tapes and listens to them down the road, they're not gonna have our experiences. They're not going to feel the cold of the air conditioning below a cross and that static, that spiritual static that's going to exist amongst us, I hope and I pray as we go through this weekend. So I really hope that you open up your minds and don't listen to the messenger. There's times that I will be arrogant and pompous. Please forget that. Listen for the message. It's real important that you listen for the message and compare what I'm sharing with you. Is that your truth? Have you had a similar experience? Because that's the only way to get in and see what our ego does not want to see. And I will try to be as honest as I can be up here, and share with you wherever the Spirit directs us. We have no outline. We purposely did not do that. Our goals for this weekend are to basically bring us into the Spirit. So we're going to try to bring each of the 12 steps back to basically 10 and 11 to connect everything to the Spirit so that we can... Is there any newcomers here within the first month of their sobriety? You've got one in the back. Great. Excellent. Glad to have you. What you're going to hear here is people that have worked the 12 steps with a sponsor out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. So make sure that you sit down with somebody and go through the Big Books of Alcoholic Anonymous with somebody one-on-one, because some of the concepts we're sharing here are going to scare the hell out of you, and you're gonna say, these guys are full of it. But it's our experience. And one of the things I personally like to do is go back in history and take a look at how did Bill and Bob get sober? What were they looking at? What were the reading? What were thinking? What was going on in those days? And being that Mark is from Texas, one of the things I got for him to start out with is a Texas preamble. The first time I was ever in Texas, they read this preample at a meeting. It's not conference approved preambles anymore but this is what they were using when Ebby and the boys went down to Texas and got the message going down there. So I'm going to have Mark read that preamblem and then I'm gonna read a preambel that's even more radical that comes from Florida archives and you'll kind of get the point of where we're going from here with this workshop good evening family my name is Mark Houston I'm an alcoholic and power God separated me from alcohol on October the 19th of 1982 you gotta love a speaker that starts out making amends to you for his arrogance I'm not gonna do that see and I want you to know he's taught me to be respectful, so he's been sober a lot longer than me, which is why he's going first. I want you all to understand that, right? So this is the Texas preamble. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. We're gathered here because we're faced with the fact that we're powerless over alcohol and we're unable to do anything about it without help of a power greater than ourselves. We feel each person's religious convictions, if any, are their own affair and the simple purpose of the program of AA is to show what may be done to enlist the aid of a power greater than ourselves regardless of what our individual conceptions of that power may be. In order to form a habit of depending upon and referring all we do to that power, we must first apply ourselves with some diligence but repetition confirms and strengthens this habit, then faith comes naturally. We've all come to know that as alcoholics we're suffering from a serious disease for which medicine has no cure. Our condition may be the result of an allergic reaction to alcohol, which makes it impossible for us to drink in moderation. This condition has never by any treatment with which we are familiar been permanently cured. The only relief we have to offer is absolute abstinence, a second meaning of AA. There are no dues or fees. The only requirement is an honest desire to stop drinking. Each member seeks to square his debt by helping others to recover. An AA member is a person with an acknowledged alcoholic problem who has found the key to abstinence from day-to-day by adhering to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The moment he resumes drinking, he loses all status as a member of AA. His reinstatement is automatic, however, when he again fulfills his sole requirement for membership and honest desire to quit drinking. You ever notice you only have that desire when you're drinking? Not being reformers, we offer our experience only to those who want it. AA is not interested in sobering up drunks who are seeking only temporary sobriety. We have a way out in which we can absolutely agree and in which we join in harmonious action. Rarely have we seen a person fail who's thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are those who will not or cannot lend themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are incapable of being honest with themselves. You may like this program or you may not but the fact remains it works and we believe it's your only chance to recover. There's a vast amount of fun included in the AA Fellowship. Some people may be shocked at our apparent worldliness and levity, but just underneath there is a deadly earnestness and a full realization we must put first things first. With each of us, the first thing is our alcoholic problem and faith must work 24 hours a day in and through us or we perish. Kind of a little different preamble than you're used to hearing. If you think that one's a little bit different, pay attention to this one because it's a lot different and you can see why they've toned it down from what we're exposed to in AA today but this is the kind of feeling that the people had when Bill and Bob got sober they were passionate about it because they escaped the gates of death and you will find out from hearing me this weekend I'm a very passionate alcoholic, I believe in this stuff most people look at me like I'm a Looney Tune because I'm not a looney tune I'm an alcohol drinker I drank like a mad dog when I drank, I drank for proof That's all I cared about. I didn't care, I wouldn't waste my time with beer unless it was all I could get. You know, I would go into a liquor store and say, what's the proof on the bottle? And that's how I drank. I was looking to get as far away from me as I could possibly get. And I drank that way, and I needed to get sober that way. I need to work the steps that way I worked this program hard, and it's part of the passion that makes me, me. This is a passionate preamble from the early days. It comes from the Florida to archives. We are gathered here because we are faced with the fact that we're powerless over alcohol. Unable to do anything about it without help of a power greater than ourselves, we feel that each person's religious views, if any, are his own affair. The simple purpose of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is to show what may be done to enlist the aid of a Power greater than ourselves, regardless of what our individual conception of that Power may be. In order to form a habit of depending upon and referring all we do to that Power, we must first apply ourselves with some diligence. By often repeating these acts, they become habitual and the help rendered becomes natural to us. We have all come to know that as alcoholics we are suffering from an illness which medicine has no cure. Our condition may be the result of an allergy which makes us different from other people. It has never been by any treatment with which we are familiar permanently cured. The only relief we have to offer is absolute abstinence, the second meaning of AA." There's the second time that's been mentioned in both preambles from early days. The second meaning of AA is absolute abstinence. There are no dues or fees. The only requirement for membership is desire to stop drinking. Each member squares his debt by helping others to recover. An Alcoholics Anonymous is an alcoholic through application of an adherence to the AA program has foresworn the use of alcoholic beverages in any form. The moment he takes such as one drop of beer, wine, spirits, or any other alcoholic beverage, he has automatically lost his status as a member of AlcoholicsAnonymous. AA is not interested in sobering up drunks who are not sincere in their desire to remain sober for all time. Isn't that interesting? Not being reformers, we offer our experience only to those who want it. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and on which we can join in harmonious action. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our program. Those who do not recover, people who will not or simply cannot give themselves to the simple program. You may like the program or you may not, but the fact remains it works and is your only chance to to recover. There is a vast amount of fun included in the AA fellowship. Some might be shocked at our seemingly worldliness and levity, but just underneath there lies a deadly earnestness and full realization that we must put first things first in each of us, and the first thing is our alcoholic problem. To drink is to die. Faith must work 24 hours a day in and through us or we perish. In order to set the tone for this meeting, I ask you to bow your heads for a few moments of silent prayer and meditation. I wish to remind you that whatever is said at this meeting expresses our individual opinions of today and up to this moment. We do not speak for AA as a whole, and you are free to agree or disagree with anything which might not be reconciled with what is in the AA Big Book. If you don't have an AA book, it's time you bought one. Read it, study it, live it, loan it, scatter it, and then learn from what it means to be an AA." To me that says it all, you know? This is a life-and-death program for me. I don't take this with too much levity. I mean, I I laugh at myself, and we laugh at each other, but this is life and death for me. I'm not one of those AAs that just doesn't drink and go to meetings. Like I said, I work the program hard. Everybody this weekend should have gotten one of these handouts. It looks like that. If you didn't, they're over at the table. There's also going to be some of the experience that I've recently shared with Mark. We'll be talking about that later, is a 17-area inventory. When we start talking about the four-step, we always, at least in my life, I always start with what's in the big book as my minimum. I write a resentment inventory and then a fear inventory and dann a harmstead to others with emphasis on sex. But then I'm quick to see religious people are right and I take it to the next level. And it's an inventory that the idea came from The Grapevine. And we did it and you'll be hearing about that. And I brought some copies of that for anybody that's interested. And we'll be talking about steel on steel, which if anybody's interested in that, I've got some handouts on that. So there will be a number of handouts this weekend. The handouts are not included as part of this workshop. I pay for all that stuff out of my own pocket, so I will be passing the bucket for the 7th edition. If you feel like contributing, that's fine. If you don't, I understand I took that risk when I bought all the stuff. The handout, so you notice there's little colons on the margins. I use the study edition in the big book. It makes it easier. One of the reasons I bothered to put that anal retentive package together other for you people is so that you don't have to sit down and scribble notes and get distracted one of the things that i've been working with quite extensively recently is being present and in the now and you'll hear us talking about that a lot this weekend how do you be present in the now and if i'm writing notes i can't be listening i can'T be i disconnect from the spirit and i run into my mind and where does my alcoholic problem reside in my mind so anything that can get me out Out of my mind, because I am out of my mind. That's the purpose of the notes is so that you can be present and awake and aware. By all means, if you feel the need to write in notes, go ahead. There's a study edition of the book. There's blank pages on each page, so you can write notes. It's got one page of the big book and blank notes on the other side. If you don't have a big book and you can't afford the six bucks to buy one of those, you want to borrow it, go right ahead. I just ask that you don' t write in it. If you choose to highlight, I've got a whole can of highlighters up here, which I will be opening up for anybody that needs it. As a matter of fact, I can pass it around. It's funny. I'm waiting for people to start making amends for the highlighters. This is my third can of highlighter that I've lost. They just start dwindling. There's probably, I don't know, 100 highlighters in the can. After the end of the last workshop, I think there was eight left. So anybody that's got one of my highlighters from one of the other workshops, workshops. I'll be around for amends later on. If you haven't figured it out, I'm going kind of slow in the beginning rather than just jumping right into the big book to give us a chance to settle in as a group, give the stragglers a chance to get here who are still stuck on the highway, who are losing their cool and going, man, it started half hour ago. I want to be there. I always like to start out with some humor if I can. And I'm not ever tremendously gifted in the event of humor but one of my friends who's guilty of sitting in here in the front row sent this to me, I believe. It says, you may have a drinking problem if one, you lose arguments with inanimate objects. Two, you hold on to the lawn and keep falling off of the earth. Three, your job is interfering with your drinking. Can anybody relate to that? Four, the doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Five, your career won't progress beyond senator from Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Six, the back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Seven, you sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group. Eight, this is one I love, 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Nine, two hands and just one mouth. Now that's a drinking problem. And ten, you can focus better with one eye closed. We got 37 of those so I'll try to intersperse those as we go through, but I figured I'd start out with 10 of those suckers. There's another friend of mine, Barefoot Bill sent this thing to me and at first I kind of dismissed it. And then Mark and I were talking about how to start this workshop and get the concept of how do you have an open mind? There's the old adage, I'm sure you've heard it before, is how do You Know What You Don't Know? If you sit down and think about it, it'll make you crazy. I've spent quite a bit of time on that this week. I had somebody come up to me and ask me this week if I did something, and I don't remember it. And I'm thinking, how do I know if I did it or not? I don' t remember. It brought me right back to the blackout days when you have that feeling like, If I did, I know I can clean up the mess because I'm sober today. I've got 12 steps to do that with. But if I didn't, oh no. What if I attempt to make amends for something I didn' t do? How do I know? You get the hamster on the wheel, and it just won' t get off. off. But one of the things of having an open mind for me is, why am I here? What's my purpose? And there's seven questions here and something to think about. It says, who am I recovering for? If it's your spouse, the job, the court, a cause or a friend or associate, I may be missing the mark and have to rethink or undo the whole thing. Experience teaches me that sobriety only works or keeps going when I'm doing it for myself. What am I resisting? when you hear a question or hear a statement here that you immediately throw up and say oh he's full of it or you know that I don't believe that that you know and you have an opinion on something ask yourself why am i resisting ask the question is that my experience or is it not your experience if it's your experience then by all means go with your experience but if it's not your and it's just your opinion then you have to ask yourself the question why am I resisting what am I afraid of and delve delve into that. That will be a jewel. If you get one of those jewels this weekend, we will have done our job is to get you to question one concept where your ego has you blocked off. Three, what is the lesson here? People call us teachers, but I believe we're all teachers. I'm just here, I'm a drunk to share my experience, strength and hope with you. In doing that, I got a lot of experience with AA. I got lot of experienced with the the 12 steps, I also have a lot of experience on how not to work the 12 steps and I'll be sharing some of that. So we're all teachers and I expect later on that I'm gonna get taught something from you guys. Hopefully I think we got it planned on the docket to do theater of the lie and then we're all going to get an education when we start doing theater of lie. Four, what am I doing that needs to be done? Am I doing what needs to be done here? Am i just socializing? Ami just hanging out to have a good weekend or is there a purpose here? Did God bring you to this weekend to do something specific? I believe, and it's my experience, that there's no coincidences. Mark and I were just talking about that at dinner time. There are no coincidences. So maybe God's got a purpose for you here. It may not just be to hear the two of us speak. Keep an open mind. See if there's a purpose that you're supposed to be doing when you're here. Maybe somebody says something to you and they're really reaching out to you and they may need to talk. Maybe you need to miss a session, buy the tapes, and go in the other room and spend 10 minutes with somebody and talking to them about something. Because hopefully we're going to open up the box, that box that we all hide deep down in our soul. We're going let a little bit of light shine in there and it may be time for that beast to wake up and you may need to get rid of something like right here, right now. And trust me, it wouldn't be the first time that I would have done inventory in the middle of a workshop as the presenter and as a participant. I've been affected at workshops where I need to write inventory. It may happen where you're going end up having the fifth step with somebody. buddy. You got something that you didn't even realize. You remember something. Don't bury it down again, I beg you. If it comes out this weekend, pick it out. Take a look at it. Shine the sunlight of the spirit on it. That may be the purpose for this weekend. Am I losing my energy to do this? If you've been sober for a little while, ask yourself, what's my energy level? Am I still still enthusiastic as these two Looney Tunes up here? Do I still have the passion for the 12 steps and 12 stepping and carrying this message and doing this deal and going out and having a new experience and writing an inventory or am I just sitting here and I'm going to listen to it and just kind of go, that was really nice. I had a good time. Interesting ideas. And then walk out and go right back to the same old behaviors. See what your energy level is. If you walk out of here pumped up and enthusiastic to go out and have a new experience with the 12 steps, then I've done my job. Who am I giving my power to? If I say something up here that really tweaks you and twerks you, ask yourself why you bother to give me so much power. Because I sure as hell don't need it. I got all the power I need from up there. I have a higher power. And if you give me the power and let me into your head and rattle around in there, take a look at it. Don't waste the opportunity. It's a wonderful gift from God. you know and ask yourself lastly who's in control you know we're just presenters up here but who is the ultimately in control of how this weekend if you had any expectation for how this weekend is going to come out and what's gonna happen here if you walk out that door on Sunday feeling disappointed whose problem is it you know it's who's who was in control who was in power here and you missed the mark you know so keep an eye idea of that hopefully that just opens your ideas for some questions because this is is a personal workshop. We're all here for ourselves and we're here to share as a spiritual body. So become part of this deal on the breaks. Don't just go out and smoke your cigarette in the corner, stick your hand out and say, Hey, how are you doing? Read somebody's name tag, see where they're from, get to know people, you know, and see what happens. Watch God work through this spiritual body because rarely will you find this many sober people who are actually doing the deal as when you get to one of these big book workshops. And it's a tremendous power source. If you don't get your batteries recharged from this, you've missed something. You know, at least that's That's my experience. Either that or you're not an alcoholic. I've seen people that say, I don't get that. And I look at them and I kind of go, well, let's talk about this. Maybe you're nichtruly one of us. So my throat's getting tired, so I'm going to turn it back to Mark and he's going to go for a little while and I'll be back with you in a few minutes. Mark, alcoholic. Alcoholic. Spiritual living for me is about having an open mind. Die each night, be born again each day. I'll use some different words from what Dave said but I would ask you I'd like to teach you about the path of consideration. The path of considerations is a tool that I use to bypass that part of you that thinks it knows everything.