My Sponsor Said Believing That She Believes Was Chink Enough in the Armor for Step 2 – Claire L.

About This Speaker Tape

Claire L. tells her story at the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at NABBA, introduced by her sponsor Carrie who has watched her work all 12 steps over seven years. Born in Columbus, Georgia, to a cocaine-addicted father and a fear-scarred Southern Baptist mother, Claire grew up between two feuding families — one borderline mafia with a liquor store, the other deacons who never drank. Her parents divorced when she was seven after she told her mother she'd seen her dad put "white stuff" up his nose. Months later her uncle Tommy died of a speedball overdose at the Martinique Hotel, and she learned the details at the school lunch table. She made three nevers: never drink, never drug, never marry a violent man.

At fifteen, a Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler broke the first never — "my skin fit for the first time ever." She chose USC because Playboy had voted it the number one party school. Friends played "not it" to decide who would babysit her; she was voted most likely to own stock in the 901 Club; she once woke in a Sunset Boulevard parking structure and flagged down a Mercedes she can't remember getting into. She married Van, the biggest partier she'd ever met. Cocaine entered the marriage and it ended the night he held a pillow over her head, then later threw furniture and pushed her against the bed. He was arrested; they divorced.

A geographical cure to her parents' "Lauderdale Center for Wellness" in Smith Station, Alabama only produced her alter ego Pocahontas — her father's name for her rebel-yell blackout self. She moved to Atlanta, got a .24 DUI in 2003, forged her community service, and kept drinking. Van got sober, sent her an amends letter, then relapsed and died of an esophageal hemorrhage in a Van Nuys sober living house in April 2009. She turned her back on her Higher Power. On October 6, 2009, after a U2 concert blackout with the wrong man, she looked in the mirror and called her best friend Ned, who had gotten sober the year before.

Her sobriety date is October 7, 2009. Her home group is the Fifth Tradition Group. She describes her private hell of bed-wetting, fear, and Medusa rage, and the relief of opening every shutter in her house each morning. She now has a sponsor, sponsors women, and credits the Big Book study at 8111, her neighbor Eric, and a sponsor who told her that believing that she believes was chink enough in the armor. The promises have come true — happy, joyous, and free.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Chris Ward opens the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting; Carrie reads from page 29 of the Big Book
• 2:30 Carrie introduces Claire as a woman of incredible integrity she has sponsored for seven years
• 4:00 Claire gives her sobriety date October 7, 2009, and describes the two Columbus, Georgia families she came from
• 9:30 At seven she tells her mother she saw her dad put white stuff up his nose; her uncle Tommy dies of a speedball overdose
• 14:00 The three nevers — never drink, never drug, never marry a violent man — and the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler at fifteen
• 20:00 USC chosen for the Playboy ranking; voted most likely to own stock in the 901 Club; friends play not it
• 26:00 Marriage to Van, cocaine enters the marriage, the pillow over the head, the night he is arrested
• 33:00 Geographical cure to the Lauderdale Center for Wellness; her father names her alter ego Pocahontas
• 39:00 DUI at .24 in March 2003; forging community service; Van's amends letter and April 2009 death
• 48:00 October 6, 2009 U2 blackout; mirror moment; calling Ned; first meeting at NABBA with Helen Moore and Bud