Keep Close to Him and Perform His Work Well — That’s the Entire Contract of Step 3 – Dave A.

And, uh, I know you're going to love what he has to share tonight.
Well, I'm naked.
Norm is very nice.
Actually, she's meant just as much to me in my recovery.
We've had a wonderful journey together.
So, uh, I've met a lot of people at Primary Purpose.
Have I not?
How many people are here tonight from Primary Purpose Group?
Say hi.
Oh, wow.
Oh, golly, that's really cool.
For those of you who have not come to visit us on Tuesday night, 7.30, in South Austin there,
we're right across the street from Kirby Lane Restaurant there on South Lamar.
We meet on Tuesday night at 7.30 at the Big Methodist Church.
And, uh, we, uh...
We're opening the Big Book, and we're really trying to bring recovery back to focus on the Big Book.
What does it say?
It says to show alcoholics precisely.
So we want to get right down to that.
And, uh, so anyway, it says to show you exactly how to find that power.
So, you know, we can be precise, and we can be exact in our recovery.
And the Big Book will show you just exactly to have the experience that I'm going to be talking about.
So, uh, I think I did.
It was on?
What, did you see a light or something?
Cool.
Okay, well, I'm blind David.
I'm blind David.
I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict.
And my sobriety date is July 9th of 98.
So, uh, just back the road a little ways, I've got 10 years here in my body.
Wow.
I was born in...
I was born in 1948, so this year I'm also turning 60, and, uh, so, uh, but I was born with very little eyesight, I was legally blind, I managed to go to public school, the first and second grade, I could see the book if I put my face right down there to it, but by the end of the second grade, I couldn't see the book anymore.
You know, one thing I remember particularly when I was going to public school, you know, they had the parents' night, you know, in the open house, I guess you'd call it normal, and the parents come to school, you know,
and I remember going to school with my mom and dad, and visiting my teachers, and they said, oh, how is he doing?
And I remember the teacher saying, well, you know, he really has leadership qualities.
My dad was so proud of that, you know, and, uh, I can remember on the playground getting into trouble with a couple of boys, and they, I was a little kid, I had a growth spurt when I was about in sixth or seventh grade, I used to be little bitty.
And I remember getting into some trouble with a couple of boys out on the playground in the second grade, and we're being sent to the principal, you know, and they're...
They're way taller than me, and on the way to the principal, I said, y'all, keep your mouth shut, I'll be the talking.
And that's the way I've always been, and still somewhat am, I guess.
I'm not going to put my life in someone else's hand very easily, I can tell you.
So, you know, by the end of the second grade, I couldn't see the books anymore, so in the third grade, they got me a large print book.
By the end of the third grade, I couldn't see it.
So, uh, I was born in Houston, by the way, so my folks, uh, sent me up here to Austin to the blind school in 58.
And I started going to the blind school there, and I had the...
The blind school was, uh, you know, it's where you live on campus, the dormitory and all that, and so they had very rigid rules.
And, uh, I didn't do very well in that kind of a setting.
I'm glad I never had to go to the military, I know what would have happened.
But, and I didn't do good there, particularly when I hit puberty, it got really rough.
And I found out what the teacher meant by...
That I was a good leader.
What she meant was I was a bad follower.
And I made it to the ninth grade, and they finally threw me out, and, uh, and then my folks talked them into letting me come back.
And I went back, and then I made it about two more months, and they threw me out and said,
Don't send him back.
So I went back to Houston and started high school.
Now, uh, my mother always raised me to go to church, made me go to church.
I hated it.
So when I got sent back home and started to go to...
To go to high school, this was in 66, I figured I'm old enough now, Mom can't make me go to church, you know.
She come in that Sunday morning and said, Well, I got your clothes all pressed and laid down, you're ready for school.
And I said, I'm not ready for church.
I said, I'm not going.
She said, What?
I said, I'm not going.
I'm old enough to decide for myself, and I am not going.
And she started to cry, you know.
And then Daddy come busting in the room and said, What is this?
And I said, I'm not going to church.
I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
And I guess he...
Decided I meant it, because he backed out of the room.
And, uh, so I started high school in 66, proclaimed myself an atheist, and became very defiant against that authority as well.
And, uh, was very, uh, outspoken about how I felt about all that.
And there were many scenes in the bathroom at high school.
You know, how the guys sneak in to go smoke a cigarette, and we'd be standing around in there.
And I was going to a school that had a pretty good little Baptist part of town, a strong Christian presence there.
And them Baptist boys would corner me in the bathroom all the time and try to get me talking about God.
And I'd make them wish they'd never brought it up.
And they would usually start backing away from me, you know, saying, You're going to go to hell.
You're going to hell.
And I remember saying, you know, To hell with you and your God.
So, uh, I was, uh, I did not like any of that.
Uh, in high school I met a girl and, uh, started dating her.
And her whole family was drunks.
And, uh, so they didn't mind us.
They didn't mind us drinking with them.
So I usually, uh, on the weekends, I'd just go over to their house and stay.
Drink every weekend.
Drink all weekend.
And so I was, uh, you know, I was getting a late start because I'd been going to that boarding school where we were all, you know, walled in.
And, uh, in high school it was before I really had a chance to start drinking when I went back to Houston.
But it was every weekend then.
And, uh, I graduated in 68.
Y'all know back in the 60s we were starting to experiment a little bit with drugs.
And by the way, I hear Cheech and Chong's coming to town in November.
So I think I'm going to go check it out.
We'll have a few old laughs, you know.
But, uh, yeah, so we were starting to experiment with drugs a little bit.
And, uh, you know, I graduated in 68.
And right after that, about early 69, someone turned me on to methamphetamine.
And it was really on then.
It was a memorable year.
You know, they said, speed kills.
They warned us, speed kills.
But when I felt my first rush, I thought, who cares?
This is the way to die.
Another thing I remember about 1969.
I went to a rock concert there in Houston on a Halloween night.
1969.
Grand Funk Railroad.
Any of y'all remember Grand Funk?
Yes, sir.
It was a big night.
And there was a little local group going to open up and make their debut that night.
We was all waiting to see what this band was going to sound like.
It was their first, you know, first real big concert there in Houston.
And it was, uh, they had a weird name.
It was like ZZ Top.
And man, ZZ Top, they actually didn't sound that good that night.
I saw them a few months later.
They opened for Steppenwolf and they had really gelled.
They blew Steppenwolf off the stage and had been blowing everybody off the stage ever since.
So anyway, I remember that concert that night because as I was standing out in front of the concert hall waiting to get in,
a bunch of these little Jesus freaks passing out tracks started trying to talk to me about the Lord, you know.
And I went into them so hard.
I had armed myself well with my arguments and read the books about it and all this.
And the big book says we do that.
We read wordy books and arm ourselves with windy arguments.
And I was one of them.
And you tried to talk to me about God and it was on.
And I attacked them so bad I drew a crowd that night out on the sidewalk in front of that concert hall who were cheering for me.
So, uh, that was, uh, I remember that about 1969.
But it was methamphetamine then.
69, 70, 71.
72.
In 73 it was really getting bad.
And I had pulled myself together the best I could and made several attempts to quit.
And I remember the day when I sat down and had a little talk with myself
and accepted the fact that I guess I'm going to die a speed freak.
Because, uh, it was looking bleak.
And then this guy moved in next door to me who was a Christian fella.
And he came over one day.
I was out in his yard and I was probably pretty wasted.
But he came over and tried to talk to me about God.
And I lit into him like I did everybody else.
But he was different.
Because I bounced off of him too.
This man had something.
He had the presence of God about him.
He didn't flinch.
He didn't get hostile.
He didn't get nothing.
He didn't react.
He just, he just countered all my arguments.
It took him a couple of months living next door to me that he was able to help me come to believe.
He knew his book.
And he shared it with me and shared his faith with me.
And over a couple of months I came to believe in his God.
And he told me that he thought God could help me.
And I remember the day that I kneeled down and gave my life to God.
I'll never forget that day.
I got up from that prayer a different person.
I threw away all my drugs and all my paraphernalia.
I felt free from my addiction.
I really felt free from my addiction.
I knew I was.
But what does the big book say?
About that third step.
See I had a very powerful third step experience.
But the big book says that, what does it say?
Immediately following the third step.
That we must do a searching and fearless moral inventory of our self.
That third step decision would have little permanent effect unless it once followed.
By a strenuous effort.
To face and be rid of the things in our self that have been blocking us.
Well I didn't do all that inventory stuff.
See what I did though.
Because see them church people don't know how to teach you how to do that.
What I did do.
This is what they taught me how to do.
I went off to church with this dude and shouted hallelujah louder than anybody.
They put me in charge of the music in that church.
I led worship service on Sunday morning.
And it was hallelujah and the time was on.
I want you to know it was going good for a while.
And after a while I became a deacon in that church.
And after a few more years you know.
I started doing a little preaching on the side.
And then I got my license.
I went off to East Texas and started a little church.
Tried my hand at being a pastor.
And I learned how to do church well.
I want you to know.
But the big book says that if we don't do that inventory work.
And admit to God and ourselves and another human being.
And make an honest effort.
To make some amends.
That if I don't do that work.
I do not learn enough humility, fearlessness and honesty.
In the sense we find it necessary.
Talking about we alcoholics and addicts.
And I had done that work.
All I had learned how to do was do church.
And so sure enough.
The day came.
When I had this thought.
That said you know I had a problem with drugs.
I don't guess a drink would hurt anything.
So beginning with the idea of just having a drink or two.
I started developing a real problem with alcohol.
And again the big book says.
More than most people.
The alcoholic leads a double life.
So I started finding myself behind a pulpit.
Preaching with a hangover.
And for 20 or 25 years.
Teaching and preaching the Bible with a hangover.
Became a recurring theme in my life.
Each time I hit a new bottom.
I changed churches.
Changed brands of religion.
Changed something.
We don't have our theology quite right here.
You know I don't quite have all the corners nailed down.
I couldn't figure it out.
And I would change to another church.
Get all excited about that.
And for a while I would say.
Religion is going to fix me.
And for a while I think I was fixed.
I seemed to be fixed.
During one of those periods when I thought I was fixed.
I moved to Austin.
Because they always had to move to another location.
And start over.
You know how it is.
And so I moved to Austin.
During one of those times.
When I was trying to get fixed.
And I had a friend up here.
We started a little music ministry.
We were doing gospel music in blues form.
And it really did sound good.
We were playing on the streets.
And in little coffee houses.
And one night.
We were playing in a coffee house.
Off 6th Street.
Down there doing our gospel blues.
And this girl heard us singing about God.
She came up and introduced herself to us.
And we got off the stage.
And she had a little thing going with God.
So I was teaching a home Bible study.
Had started a little home church here in Austin.
I was new in town.
So I was getting that started.
And I invited her to come to that.
So she showed up one Sunday.
I found out she was in AA.
Now I was surprised.
When I learned that AA was a spiritual program.
And I was real intrigued.
With its simplicity.
Because I had been going in circles.
In confusion.
Trying to figure out why I can't nail all the corners down.
You know.
And it was the simplicity intrigued me.
And so me and her became friends.
I started going to AA meetings with her on Saturday.
On Sunday she came to my little home church Bible study thing.
And we began a relationship for a couple of years.
And then we got married.
Still married.
And yeah I got to know a lot of her AA friends.
And some of them would from time to time come to my little Bible study.
And you know for a while all went well.
Until that recurring day.
That I thought it would be okay to have a drink again.
And started that little snowball rolling down the mountain again.
Before long I'm living a double life again.
I was trying hard to keep it hid.
From her and all her alcoholic friends.
And you know I was doing a good job of keeping the worst of it secret.
And to me that meant I was controlling it.
You know.
One day I'm sitting in a.
You know but it's very frustrating to do that.
You all know.
And it was frustrating the heck out of me.
And one Saturday I was sitting in a noon meeting with my wife.
Like I would typically do on Saturday.
But I was frustrated to the max.
I was wishing she'd go off on one of her AA retreats for the week.
I just couldn't sneak enough to satisfy me.
And I'm mad at everybody.
I'm just really sitting there about to explode.
And this guy who happens to be my sponsor today.
Quoted from the big book.
He said you know most of us have been unwilling to admit that we were real alcoholics.
No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.
Therefore it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized.
By countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.
The idea that somehow someday he will control and enjoy his drinking.
Is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.
He said you know here's the earmark of an alcoholic.
He said if you are controlling your drinking.
You're not happy about it.
And he nailed me to the wall that day.
I didn't think I was an alcoholic because I was controlling it.
I thought.
But I sure was mad at everybody that day.
And he said if you are controlling your drinking.
You're not happy about it.
Man I felt like this dude just shot an arrow across the room.
And got me right in the chest.
It was like he was talking at me.
And he nailed me to the wall that day.
And I knew I was going to have to join this fellowship.
And work these steps.
If I was ever going to stay sober.
And be happy about it.
But that.
Posed a little problem.
See I've been around AA enough to hear y'all talking about this rigorous honesty.
Rigorous honesty and this fearless humility.
And that's scary when you've been kind of a little preacher.
Living a double life.
I talked to an old man around her AA group.
And he was able to help me.
Find the courage to walk into that meeting.
And announce to all my wife's friends who had known me all these years.
My name is Dave.
And I'm an alcoholic.
It hurt me to have to do that.
The religious pride.
It hurt bad.
You know I like it.
One time when I was a kid I had a boil.
And the little red streak was going up my arm.
You know it was getting serious.
And so one day the doctor decided he better lance that.
He didn't tell me that's what he was going to do.
He was just holding my arm.
And I'm sitting there la la la.
And he sprays it with some kind of cold something.
I guess it's supposed to numb it.
It didn't do much.
And he took that scalpel and went quack quack.
Cut that edge.
And I like it went through the ceiling.
But I want you to know that thing had been throbbing for days.
And that night it wasn't throbbing.
It was draining.
And the healing had started.
I can tell you.
And that's the way I felt that day when I went in.
I said David I'm an alcoholic.
It was like quack quack.
I got hurt.
But I felt the healing start right then.
And I'm sure some of y'all know what I'm talking about.
That was step one for me.
You know what?
I came to step two.
I came to believe that a power greater than ourself can restore us to sanity.
Well I had a problem with step two.
What do you mean came to believe?
I came to believe 25 years ago and have not been able to stay sober.
Why should I expect it to be any different than AA?
I'm not going to change my God.
I'm not going to change my faith.
I still got my same Lord and Savior.
You know and all that stuff.
I wasn't going to change any of that.
How could I expect AA to make it?
AA didn't make anything different.
And what about this word sanity?
Are they saying I'm insane?
But as I read through the big books see I found out they were talking about the insanity that precedes the first drink.
I'm related to that.
You know I never heard before until I came to AA somebody say you know first drink gets you drunk.
I never heard that.
You know I used to believe that the Bible says be not drunk with wine.
Be ethereal with the Holy Ghost.
And I used to preach that.
You know you can tell I can still do it.
And then I'd close up church and say well I'm not going to get drunk.
I'm just going to have a drink.
You all were the ones that told me it was the first drink that got me drunk.
I'm related to that.
And as I read through the big book I learned a whole lot more about alcoholism.
And about me the alcoholic.
And when I hear you people talk about it in meetings.
You put that book all in perspective for me.
Thank God for big book thumpers.
Come join us.
Tuesday night 730.
You know you all put that big book in perspective for me.
And I...
It started coming clear.
You know I came...
This was step two for me.
I came to believe that the same God that I had for 25 years who had not been able to keep me sober.
Over and out of the fellowship.
That somehow in AA using this new medium.
That my same old God was going to now talk to me in the language of the big book.
And he was going to use the voice of other alcoholics.
And I was going to hear my same old God in a brand new way like I'd never heard him before.
And I came to believe that he might could restore me to sanity here.
And that was step two for me.
And I made the decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God.
And put myself in his hands in AA.
And so as I'm reading through that step three.
It says when we sincerely took such a position.
All sorts of remarkable things followed.
We had a new employer.
Being all powerful.
He provided what we needed.
If we kept close to him and performed his work well.
There's a price tag isn't there.
You know let me tell you where I was the day I read that.
Because you see I had gone to school.
I got my license to be a massage therapist.
And I hadn't been in business very long when I started developing tendinitis.
It was hurting me so bad it was threatening to put me out of business.
And oh man I was getting real scared behind all this.
And I was playing about it you know.
One day someone showed up at my house and started telling me about this little home business you could do.
That looked like something I could do.
Because you know blind people have to kind of go get special training and everything.
And to start a new career when you're already up in your 40's is kind of scary.
And I'm thinking what am I going to do.
And they showed me this little home business.
I thought I could do that.
So I invested a few bucks.
And I went off to their meetings and listened to their speakers.
And I'm bringing home tapes and books and learning about the company and their products.
And after a while I think I'm ready to do this.
And I took off to go with my new business.
But I didn't get very far.
Before someone showed me a better one.
So I put that one aside.
Spent a little more money.
To join this other one.
I'm reading their books.
Going to their meetings.
And learning about their products and their company.
And about the time I get all fired up and ready to go.
I took off down the road and didn't get very far.
So I ran into somebody that showed me a better one.
Cost a little more money to join it.
But it looked like it was going to make a lot.
So I joined that one.
And doing the same thing.
Studying and learning and preparing about it.
Reading the books and listening to the tapes.
And I go off to do this business.
Someone showed me a better business.
But I didn't get very far.
Before someone showed me a better one.
I mean it cost a lot of money to join this one.
And I hadn't made back any of my money on any of them yet.
But this one looked so good.
I was going to make it all back on this one.
I drug out the credit cards to get involved with this.
And I want you to know that over a period of about five years.
I just jumped from one to another to another.
And took my wife and me to the point of bankruptcy.
Trying to save myself from financial disaster.
Well the big book says that the more we fought the worse it got.
And sinking and all that.
But the big book says that the more we fought the worse it got.
And sinking and all that.
But the big book says that the more we fought the worse it got.
And sinking and all that.
And sinking and all this fear.
And that República.
And you know, I started drinking again and my drinking was escalating behind.
All this fear.
And I wind up having to come into AA.
And then I read in Step 3 that when I sincerely would take this position.
I would have never ه کے that that I sincerely would have never by this institution.
Well, the big book says that the more we fought, the worse it got.
And sinking in all this fear, and, you know, I started drinking again,
and my drinking is escalating behind all this fear.
And I wind up having to come into AA.
And then I read in step three that when I sincerely would take this position,
I would have a new employer who was all-powerful and would provide what I needed
if I would keep close to him and perform his work well.
I thought, this is just what I've been looking for.
Oh, man, so what is the job?
Well, I wanted to know what's the job description.
You know, so it's right down there in the third step prayer.
It says that I was to pray, God, take away my difficulties,
that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help.
His power, his love, his way of life.
I said, so my job then is to give.
Give God my life.
Let him begin to snap all these pieces back in place.
Do remarkable things, it says.
And my job is to share my experience, strength, and hope.
I said, sign me up.
And I meant it.
I meant it.
You know, it says on page 28 of the big book that all of us,
whatever our race, creed, or color,
are children of a living creator with whom we may form a relationship
upon simple and understandable terms.
As soon as we are willing and honest,
we are honest enough to try.
So it makes it very clear that to form a relationship with our creator,
it will be upon terms.
There are terms and conditions.
That's why it says, if we.
And the turners all got there in page 63, the third step.
He would be our employer and provide what we need remarkably well.
It says he will bring all his power to bear.
He's all powerful and will bring all that power to bear upon my life
to provide what I need to take away all my difficulties.
And so we will.
And those are the terms and conditions.
If I would keep close to him and perform his work well.
You know, it's kind of like a contract with God.
You hear about these rock stars.
You all have heard all the stories, you know, Robert Johnson and all these cats
that are supposed to have made a contract with the devil
that they could be famous, you know.
You all heard about it.
And they make a contract with the devil.
And after that, all they had to do was fart and they got a hit record.
Well, this one is we are making a contract with God.
And we better take it pretty serious.
And it tells us to think well before taking this step.
I want you to know if you were going to form a contract with the devil,
you better think well before taking that step.
And I want you to know if you're going to enter into a contract with God,
you better think just as well.
Because God.
Is going to put all himself into his half of the contract.
All his power.
And he expects me to put all of mine.
All of my sincerity into it.
When we sincerely took such a position.
Think well before taking this step.
And it says established on such a footing.
We became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs.
That's where I gave up.
I gave up managing my life.
And more and more I became interested in seeing what I could do to contribute.
It says that this is the point at which I realized that my needs are getting met by me helping others.
This is the point at which I realized that I quit being a taker in life and became a giver.
Because I learned that when I got on the giving end of you, I got on the receiving end of God.
I clearly understood the terms and conditions.
Established on such a footing.
That means that I'm supposed to be firmly fixed in my understanding that I have entered into a contract with the all-powerful.
And after that you're not supposed to blink.
Established on such a footing.
He would provide what I needed with all his power if I would keep close to him and perform his work well.
And that, by the way, paraphrases into our primary purpose.
To stay sober and help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety.
Our primary purpose.
The big book says that we have been given a great sense of purpose accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives.
And if I want to have an ever-awakening awareness of a growing experience with the power of God in my life.
It's going to accompany.
My effort at that primary purpose.
I know today that somehow, me getting what I need from God.
Whatever it is.
It's going to be connected to me keeping close to him and performing his work well.
You know, I've had people say,
Dave, that's all you talk about.
Of course, it's all it asks me to do.
I say, read it right here.
It says, if.
I would keep close to him and perform his work well.
He would bring all his power to bear upon my life and provide what I need and remove my difficulties.
And what he asked me to do was.
I didn't read nothing else.
Of course, I say nothing else.
When I go talk to the treatment center.
If everything I share, any talk I ever do doesn't end up on this.
Then I have it finished.
Because it all ties back into.
My contract with God.
There ain't nothing else.
Read it for yourself, don't take 63.
To keep close to him and perform his work well is the answer to all my needs.
So, how do I do that?
Well, I'll tell you.
That's what the rest of the steps are for.
Step 4 through 9 is my initial effort to get close to God.
To remove the things that block me.
And then step 10, 11, and 12 is how I keep close to him.
And perform his work well.
10, 11, and 12.
10, 11, and 12.
So, you know.
We want to get to those maintenance steps.
That's keeping close to him and performing his work well.
But let's don't just blow by them steps 4 through 9.
They're worth being pains taking about.
If we are pains taking, it says.
About this phase of our development.
We will begin to be amazed before we're halfway through.
You know, it says.
And when we finish all those house training steps.
And have established our contact with God.
This thought brings us to step 10.
Which suggests we continue to take personal undergoing.
Continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.
We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past.
We have entered the world of the spirit.
I want you to know that that is still a ninth step promise.
As we cleaned up the past.
We have entered the world of the spirit.
And what a world it is.
The big book says that the central fact of our lives today.
Is the absolute certainty.
That our creator has entered into our hearts and lives.
In a way which is indeed miraculous.
The world of the spirit.
Be pains taking about them steps.
It's worth it.
This thought brings us to step 10.
Which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory.
And continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.
Now here's how we keep close to him and perform his work well.
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.
When these crop up.
Now there's four things we watch for.
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear.
When these crop up there's four things we do about it.
We ask God at once to remove them.
We discuss them with someone immediately.
We make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone.
Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
Our contract.
How are we listening to God here today?
What are you thinking about today?
Are you stirring your heart in real passion?
What can you be
Yes.
resume.
Continue.
Continue.
you know, all the time, all the time.
You know, you could walk in some morning
and if your smile wasn't on just right,
he'd say, how's your serenity today, boy?
And you'd say, well, it's a little off today, Ed.
And he'd say, well, are you continuing to watch for selfishness?
No, I haven't done that yet this morning.
Well, did you ask God if he wants to remove that?
Have you discussed it with someone?
And he'd turn your thumb.
No, I haven't done that yet, Ed.
And he'd say, well, thank God.
Well, he said, if you haven't done that,
and still felt this way,
I wouldn't know what to tell you.
Ed said this was a ranch that would fit in.
He meant that this passage right here
was the action you take to get the gears turning
to bring the solution to any problem.
Today, I know he meant it.
But I didn't learn it easy.
Until one day, I got a letter in the mail from Social Security.
See?
I also give a bit of a disability check.
And, you know, I'd just finished that nine stuff
and was getting some relief from the fear of financial insecurity
that drove me into, you know, all that stuff.
And I was just getting some relief from that.
And I got this letter from Social Security that said,
your check is going to be cut.
This was Thanksgiving, the beginning of Christmas season.
Y'all know me and Norma do Christmas big.
And I got a letter that said,
your check is going to be cut $600 a month,
starting the 1st of December.
Whoa, a two-week notice was all they gave me.
And the fear of financial insecurity
that was just kind of slipping away
jumped back on me with a vengeance
and was crushing me into the ground.
And in that moment, I heard the voice of God.
Sounded like it has, brother.
Laughter
Laughter
Laughter
Laughter
He said, ask God to remove that fear, boy.
Discuss it with someone immediately.
Make amends quickly if you harm that you want.
And resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help.
I thought, what does resolutely mean?
You know, I mean, this is Christmas.
And New Year's is right around the corner.
I knew people would be making these New Year's resolutions.
You know, they're going to diet.
They're going to quit smoking.
I knew it.
They meant, bless God, come the 1st of January,
they're going to dig in, plant their feet,
push against that, resist the urge to have a cigarette.
That's resolved, you know, resolutely.
I wondered if resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help
was the same idea.
That meant that, by God, I'm supposed to plant my feet,
lean into that fear and push.
Push through it and reach out and help another alcoholic.
So that's what I did.
I called my sponsor and reported to him my fear.
I didn't know any amends on this situation,
if we have harmed anyone, it says.
There was no amends to be made about this one.
But I started turning my thoughts to someone I could help.
I started going to meetings looking for someone to help.
I didn't know how to help them very well yet.
I was kind of new in this recovery.
But if I heard somebody sharing in that meeting
that they was having a bad day,
I'd get whoever I wrote to the meeting with
and say, help me find them after the meeting.
People still joke about that because I still do it.
Oh, Sam.
At Western Trails, when he's walking up to somebody
and they see him coming, they go,
here comes Dave's messenger.
I look for those people to pray with them,
to share a word with them,
to give them a phone number,
to get a phone number.
I call them usually before they call me.
And I wasn't this time,
because I needed to turn my thoughts to someone I can help.
And I would pray with people
and I'd be home that evening reading my big book
and go, oh, wow, man,
I wish I knew this passage this morning.
This is what I needed to share with them.
And I'd write that down or mark where it was.
I couldn't wait to go back to the meeting tomorrow
and look for them and read that to them
and share it with them.
And you know, in the process of me trying to pick up other people
and cheer them on,
I got carried through.
You know, we went through the greatest Christmas,
me and Norma.
We always have a great Christmas.
This one was no lacking.
There was no lacking of presents under the tree.
We came to the first of January
and sat down to figure up our budget.
We did the budget twice a month.
First half of the month we sat down and figured it up
and we had enough money in the bank to pay the bills.
And we wasn't sure how that happened.
And we decided to go ahead and figure the budget
for the whole month.
And it was a little scary to look that far into the future, you know.
But we added it up
and it said we were going to hit the end of January.
January, $500 short.
And me and Norma, I said,
Norma, if you get scared,
ask God to remove that fear at once.
Discuss it with someone you need.
Make amends quickly if you harm anyone.
Turn to God for someone you can help.
And I thought, oh no, I'm starting to sound like Ed.
But you know what?
We came to the first of February with all the bills paid
and didn't know how it happened.
It was the first of January.
It was the first of January.
It was the first of January.
It was the first of January.
It was the first of January.
It was the first of March, all the bills were paid.
First of April.
First of May.
Somewhere around May,
we began, you know,
between making some life adjustments
and getting certain things resolved,
you know, it all balanced itself back out.
But I can tell you that for five months,
including the Christmas holidays,
life didn't miss a beat.
And I still don't understand it.
I've sat down at times and tried to think back
and wonder how I got through that time.
You know, I can remember,
I can remember a few things,
like, for example,
toward the end of February,
I knew we was getting down at the bottom
of the checking account, you know,
and I didn't want to bounce any checks,
so I figured I better call the bank
and double check,
make sure that I knew we was down
to our last few nickels and dimes there,
and I better double check.
Didn't want to start bouncing checks.
So I called the bank,
and that little recording said that
I had $500 in my checking account.
I couldn't believe that I had made a $500 check.
It was a $500 miscalculation.
You say, are you saying that God put $500
in your checking account?
I wouldn't say that either,
but I really don't know what to say,
except that I was real happy about it.
You know, I mean,
I ran and grabbed my gratitude journal,
you know, I started learning to do that,
and if you haven't started doing it,
it's a good practice.
I grabbed my gratitude journal,
I'm flipping to the February page.
I'm going to write in there this entry
about $500 more than I thought we had
in the checking account,
and as I turned by the January page,
I noticed an entry there in January.
It said, I called the bank today.
There was $100 in the bank more than I thought we had.
I said, oh yeah, I remember that.
Just little things.
Those were some of the big ones.
I remember in March,
in March. One night, because I stay
up at night. I usually sleep during the day, but
this particular, I stayed up all night Friday,
Saturday, I didn't get a chance to sleep. I was up
all day Saturday. And then toward
the end of the day, Norma said, what do you want to do
tonight? I didn't really want to do
anything, you know. But there
was supposed to be a good speaker over at Western
Trails, they said. And I said, well, if you want to,
we can go over to Western Trails. There's supposed to be a good speaker
over there, and you can listen to the speaker, and I can doze
in my chair if I need to. So
we drive over there. It's five minutes
to eight. We drive, you know, pull up to the
door. I'm walking up, and as I reach for the door
handle, the door flew open, and the chair
person come out and grabbed me and said, Dave,
my great speaker just called
and canceled.
I said, yeah.
And he said, will
you speak?
No, no way. Now I want you to know,
I've been allowed to speak since then, but I had
never spoken up to him. I had
just started going to detox with
a few friends and taking a few minutes.
My little turn. And I was
trying to learn how to get better
at that.
You know,
and for someone to come up to me when I haven't
already slept all night or all day and say,
will you be our speaker? When the room
was packed with all these people who had come to hear a
great speaker, no. I said, no, I can't do
that. I can't do that. And Norma said,
you can do it, Dave. She
pulled me off to the side and prayed with me.
And they took me in there and plopped me up
behind the podium and said, with five
minutes notice here, it's blind Dave.
Uh, I
was born in Houston, Texas
in 1948, you know,
and I kind of fumbled around
and chugged along a little
bit. And a few minutes
into it, I felt
something happen.
You know, I
compare it to one time. I remember one
time we was teenagers. One of my buddies
had just got his first car.
And we drove off down some country road,
way down dirt road. We got way down.
Went in there, it was muddy, and we slid off the road
into the ditch, and we were sunk in the mud.
And he had to hitchhike back to town
to get a tow truck to come out there.
And they had to stretch a long cable
down there to get hold of that car.
And, you know, and so
we're sitting in there, you know, you rev up the
engine, and you're getting ready to
and so the guy on that tow truck said, okay,
I'm fixing to take the slack out of this chain.
You get ready. And you're sitting there,
you know, got your foot on the
accelerator, and
all of a sudden that slack comes out of that chain.
And you feel it go, ka-ching.
Y'all have had that happen, haven't you?
And that car just started sliding.
They were pulling us out of there.
And that's what it felt like that night.
I'm sitting there fumbling around, sliding in this mud,
stuck, and all of a sudden, ka-ching.
And I was in tow.
And, you know, I'll never
forget that night.
Every time I think of it, it puts a lump
in my throat. I've had many of them
experience since.
And that was my
first real
experience of this type.
And, man, I want you to know, it was like
a grand slam home run.
And at the end of that,
people jumped and cheered
for a long time.
I was the man
of the hour. And it felt good, too.
I want you to know. And they were all over me
at the end of that meeting, and
boy, how cool that was.
And finally, everybody was gone, and me and Norma
was driving home. The excitement's over.
Now I'm sleeping again, you know.
And we get home, walked in the door, and
Norma says, hey, somebody
came up to me and said that someone gave them a note
to give to me to read to you when we got home.
I said, cool. What does it say?
And she unfolded this note.
$500 fell out of it.
And we got through March.
That was my initiation
into what it means
to be established
on this footing.
Think well
before taking this step.
But, if you mean
business, God means business.
You keep close to Him and perform
His work well, and nothing else
matters.
And God said that if I would keep close to Him
and perform His work well, He would
provide what I need and remove all
my difficulties, and He did.
The big book says both you and the new man
must walk day by day in the path of spiritual
progress. There's your primary purpose.
If you persist, remarkable
things will happen. When you look back,
you'll realize that all that came to you
when you put your life in God's hands was better
than anything you could have planned.
Follow the dictates of your higher
power, and you will presently
live in a new and wonderful world.
No matter what
your present circumstance is.
Follow the dictates of your
higher power. What are those dictates?
He dictated the terms. You follow
them. Keep close to Him and perform
His work well.
Step 11
says, salt food, prayer, and meditation.
To improve our conscious contact with God
as we understood it.
And so it tells us, there's instructions on how to do that.
When we retire at night, we constructively
review our day. Were we resentful,
selfish, dishonest, afraid?
I said, wait a minute.
This sounds like
step 10.
You know, I said, this is just
it says, do we owe an apology?
Step 10 said, we make
amends quickly if we harm anyone.
Step 11 says, are we keeping something to ourselves or
should it be discussed with another person at once?
Step 10 said, we discuss it with someone immediately.
Step 11
says, were we thinking of ourselves most of the time
or were we thinking of what we could do for others?
Step 10 said, resolutely turn your thoughts to someone
you can help.
Were we kind and loving toward all?
Step 10 said, love and tolerance of others.
I said, this is just a repeat of step 10.
Why are they calling it
step 11?
Well, the next sentence told me so. It said, after making
our review, we inquire
what corrective measures should be
taken.
Step 11
begins to bring in
this ability to
ask God for guidance.
Step 10
said, whenever these crop up.
Step 11
begins to suggest
not waiting until the crack hits
the fan,
but to begin to establish some
disciplines of an evening and morning
little time with God.
In evening review,
a morning prayer and meditation
and reflection. And to establish
that as a habit.
And where I'm
supposed to begin to ask
God to talk
to me is when I say, God, have I been
selfish today?
And see if he points anything out that I need
to correct. Have I been dishonest
today?
That's where I begin to
get familiar with the voice of God.
And after I've been practicing that
a while,
I can begin to ask God
what corrective measures should be taken
and for guidance in other
affairs of my life, in all my affairs.
It's a wonderful way to live.
And you know, and I will develop this
ability over time.
You know, the big book, Step 11, says
being still inexperienced and having just
made conscious contact with God, it is
not probable that we are going to be inspired at all
times. We might pay for this presumption,
all sorts of absurd actions and ideas.
You will.
Nevertheless,
we find that our thinking
will, as time passes, be more
and more on the plane of inspiration. And that's what
Step 10 is. It's the constant
practice of these things. And my
Step 10 begins to just sort of
develop into a Step 11
where I find myself
asking God
what corrective measures. Asking God
for guidance in specific
matters.
So you learn to get familiar with the voice
of God in this program, you know, this
voice of intuition. And so it
says, when we retire at night, we constructively
review our day. Were we resentful, selfish,
dishonest, afraid? You know,
I go through that little list every night.
Today I know the most important thing
for me to do in my life is that.
That's keeping close
to Him.
Performing His work
well and everything else is
God communicating to me,
through me, doing that
and maintaining a conscious contact with
God. And I want
you to know that most nights I go to bed
and am able to go right down that list, check, check,
check, check, check, and say, thank you God
for a good day.
Okay, cool, thank you.
And so I get a good
score most of the time, but I'm going to tell you about
a time when I did not.
You know,
a few years ago we had a
hellacious hailstorm in South
Austin, destroyed so many rooms in
mine was one. And so I called
out the, you know, the guy to come
out and give me an estimate. He crawled up there on
the roof and he come down and he said, well, I'll see
about $3,200
worth of damage up there. And you've got
a $900 deductible, so
we will pay for
$2,300. I said, cool.
And he said, you've got a year to settle this claim.
I said, I'm going to need a year to save up my
$900 deductible. So I
thought no more. That was in October.
I thought no more about it until we swung all
the way around to June. And I
thought, whoa, man, the year's about up.
I better start thinking about this
$900 deductible.
So I called the roofer to come out
and he went up there and looked and come down and I said,
what's the bid? He says, $5,000.
I went, whoa, that dude told
me, that insurance guy told me
$3,200. He said, well,
he must not have looked very closely. He said, you've got
two roofs up there. And he said,
I'm going to have to take both of them off
to put a new one on. He said, because
those weren't put on right and
water's leaked all under here. And he said, all your
decking is rotten.
And he said,
all the two beforeers that jet out
past the wall are rotten all the way around
the house. The fascia is rotten all the way
around the house. He said,
I've got to fix all that before I can put
a new roof on. He said, and that's not
hail damage. Your insurance isn't going to cover it.
Oh, God.
Oh, now I'm freaking out
a little bit.
And then Norma
comes in and says, hey, guess what? I can retire.
Five years earlier, if we buy back
that five years of my retirement.
How much is that? She said, $4,250.
Oh, did you?
I said, I can't worry about that right now.
I'm trying to worry about this roof. You know, she said,
whether the price is going to go up in October.
I said, I've got until October to do the
roof. Oh, God. So now
I go to bed at night and I'm saying, okay,
was I resentful, selfish, dishonest,
afraid? Yeah, I see a little bit
of fear here. I said, God, please remove this fear
at once. I'm going to get up tomorrow, call my
sponsor, report in, tell him I'm afraid.
You know, y'all know the routine. I'm learning it.
And, you know, so I jump in bed
and I'm going to bed. And just before I go to
sleep, I heard that little voice
that said,
did you ever finish
paying for your seeing eye, dog?
I thought, oh, no, I'm not trying.
Did I?
I thought, that wasn't God.
That wasn't God.
So I tried.
You know, back in 82, I went
and got a seeing eye dog. I'm going to go over
a few minutes. Back in 82, I went
and got a seeing eye dog, you know.
They told us, they used to give those
dogs away, but they found out we'd
take better care of them if they charged us some.
So they
started making us
pay a little bit, and they said, we don't care how you
pay it. You can pay it however you want. A dollar a month,
we don't care just as long as you pay it.
Don't get some charity to pay it for you.
I said, cool. So I went
back home. There's no pressure there. I went back,
you know, to Houston, you know, and I went through
a divorce. And I left
that marriage with a lot of debt.
And since seeing eye wasn't
really pressuring me, I pushed
that one to the back of the pile, and I think
I might have forgot it. Here I am, 20-something
years later, five years
sober, in the midst of a dilemma,
and I'm saying, God, what do I do? And God says,
did you ever finish paying for your seeing eye dog?
Who wants to hear that?
So, you know, I said, that wasn't God.
No one's sleeping.
And I woke up the next
day, I'm walking around the house, and that wasn't God,
that wasn't God, that wasn't God, that wasn't God.
And I finally
got myself convinced it wasn't God.
And I was starting to feel okay,
and, you know, and I go into the kitchen
to start dinner that evening, and I've got a radio
on the table. I listen to all kinds of talk radio
stuff, and I clicked on the
radio, and I went in the kitchen, and the first words
that came out of the radio, this lady said,
Hi, I'm Jane Doe.
She said, today we're going to be talking to John
Smith. I said, John Smith recently
went blind, and he went and got a seeing eye dog.
He wasn't talking, he was about to see an eye dog.
So I clicked off the radio.
And I stood there for a minute,
scared.
And I looked up,
and I said, God,
I can't afford
to pay that right now.
And what came
booming back at me
said, you can't
afford not to.
What are the rules of the game?
Keep close to Him and perform His work
well. Keep close to Him
as that of men's stuff.
Do you want God in the game?
Or do you want to handle this one by yourself?
I said, yes, sir. I can't afford not to.
And I called seeing eye.
I said, I'm going to owe you all some money from about
1982.
And he said, my God, I don't know if we've got records back
that far.
He said, I have to call you back in a few days. I've got to check the microfilm
or something, you know.
So he called me back, and he said,
yes, sir, Mr. Archibald, you still owe us
$35.
Oh, God, I was so glad.
Oh, God, I thought it was going to be a big deal,
you know. And I wrote out a $35
check and dropped it in the mail.
I said, God, you sure made a big fuss
over $35.
And I felt that little comforting
thing. He said, well, you know, you didn't know it was $35.
You thought it was a lot more.
And you were willing
to do it.
You know, it says that
He will match our calamity with serenity
when we do what we're supposed to do, doesn't it?
There I was.
I felt God's arms wrap around me,
and I,
I just felt like it was all going to be okay.
You know, and shortly after that, I was sitting on my
living room floor doing step work with the guy,
and, uh,
I mentioned about my roof, and
found out he was an old roofer.
He said, uh,
let me look at that. He came down and said,
what'd they say they'd pay? And I said, well, deducting my
$900 deductible, they're going to pay
$23.
He said, I'm going to put that roof on there
for $2,300. And he went and got a roofing
buddy of his that was new in recovery,
and they put my whole roof on,
and they put my whole roof on, and they put my whole roof on,
and they put all the repairs and everything
for that $2,300 cost me nothing out of pocket.
And then I called up the teacher,
retirement guy, I said, you come over here and help me figure out
what I'm going to do about Norma's retirement. He comes over,
and he's looking, and he says, well, let's see.
Um, he said, Norma,
what's this deduction off your check over here?
She said, I don't know. Forgot it.
He said, I used to work for that company
that they're putting a little bit of money in for your
retirement. He said, you know, that's not a very good company.
That's why I changed to this other one.
He said, let me close out that
account.
Now, roll that money over into this
account, and we'll do this, and we'll
uh, I don't, I don't know today
what all he did. I didn't understand what he was saying.
But when he got through doing his little sleight of hand
and shuffling the cards, he dealt out
me a new hand.
I had Norma's retirement in the bag,
and that didn't cost me nothing either.
I got a new roof,
and I got
Norma's five years of retirement,
and it cost
me nothing.
Take it.
Take it.
Take it back. It cost me $35.
To keep
close to him and perform his
work well, now resolutely turn your thoughts
to someone you can help. You know,
God don't want me stressing out
about things like that.
The big book says we must be careful not to
drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection
that would diminish my usefulness to others.
There's where God wants me.
God says, give me that stuff. You go do
this.
This is our 12th
suggestion. Carry this message to other
alcoholics. You can help when no one else
can. It happens that
because of your own drugging and drinking
experience, you can be uniquely useful
to other alcoholics. I want you to know
that God can do something very unique
for alcoholics
through alcoholics. That's what I learned
at Step 2. That's what was
different about AA for me instead of church.
God can do something very unique
for alcoholics through alcoholics.
It happens that because of
your own drugging and drinking experience that you
can be a unique tool in the hand of
God to save the life
of other alcoholics and addicts.
Helping others is the foundation
stone of your recovery.
Your job now is to be at the place where
you can be at maximum
service
to God and the people about you in this
fellowship. Ask Him in your morning
meditation what you can do each day for
the man who is still sick.
The answer will come
if your own
house is in order. There's your inventory.
But obviously you cannot
transmit something you haven't got.
See to it your relationship with Him is right.
There's your inventory.
And great events will come to pass
for you and countless others. This is the great
fact for us.
Abandon yourself
to God as you understand God. You can't
afford not to. Admit
your faults to Him and to your fellows.
You can't afford not to. Clear away the
wreckage of your past. You can't afford
not to.
Give freely of what you find.
You can't afford
not to.
And join us.
We shall be with you in the fellowship
of the Spirit. And you
will surely meet some of us as you
trudge the road of happy destiny.
May God bless you and keep you up to date.
Thank you.