It’s Not the Drug of Choice — It’s the Drug of No Choice, and That’s Step One — Jacque O.

About This Speaker Tape

Jackie tells her story at the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at NABBA Club, celebrating five years of sobriety after being separated from alcohol on May 2, 2012. She didn't get to AA until she was 39, having convinced herself for decades that her drinking was a choice. From her first drink at 14 she drank to change how she felt, and she blacked out or drank to oblivion nearly every time. After marrying at 26 and having kids, she hid her nightly drinking behind a functioning-mom, PTA, 9-to-5 exterior — and the cost came out as terrifying rage attacks on her husband and children.

The crisis came the morning her husband finally had enough, took the kids to his parents, and issued an ultimatum: rehab or divorce and custody. She agreed out of fear, still not believing she was alcoholic. The shift came in the smoking section at rehab: a counselor named Andy told her to look for the similarities rather than the differences, and the click happened. She worked the steps with a sponsor, had a spiritual experience, and then at nine months sober her brother David died by suicide — a devastation that paradoxically became proof to her that a Higher Power was working in her life, because she showed up for her family in a way the old Jackie never could.

Around her first year she drifted. Self-will crept back in, humility slipped, and she entered a two-year relationship she now sees was never guided. At about three years sober it exploded: in a single day she lost the man, her job, and her home group because their lives were that entangled. That second bottom drove her back to her knees. Walking into a new Thursday meeting during a four-minute meditation, she felt love physically wash over her, asked a new woman to sponsor her, and worked the steps again.

Today Jackie co-leads a Big Book study in Sandy Springs with Larry Scott. She no longer runs the show — she takes care of her Higher Power's kids and trusts that her Higher Power takes care of her. Her closing message to newcomers: get a competent sponsor, work the steps, don't give up, and the empty feeling inside can actually lift.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Chris Warrior opens the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at NABBA Club and reads from page 29 of the Big Book
• 2:00 Tim's introduction: Jackie carries the message, attraction rather than promotion, just launched a new Big Book study
• 4:00 Jackie takes the podium, mentions new Wednesday night meeting in Sandy Springs with Larry Scott, and says her Higher Power separated her from alcohol May 2, 2012
• 7:00 Age-five pool story — sister Elizabeth goes into the deep end and Jackie's first words afterward are 'am I going to get some kind of reward?'
• 11:00 First drink at 14 — four beers, the feeling arrives, and she finds her lifelong solution for restless, irritable, and discontent
• 16:00 Married at 26, kids, PTA, 9-to-5 — the 6 p.m. cutoff rule, hidden wine binges, and the rage attacks that terrified her family
• 22:00 The morning ultimatum — husband takes the kids to his parents and refuses her calls until she agrees to rehab
• 26:00 Rehab smoking section — counselor Andy tells her to look for similarities, the switch clicks, she knows she is alcoholic
• 33:00 Nine months sober — brother David's suicide and the first absolute certainty that a Higher Power is working in her life
• 42:00 Second bottom at three years sober — loses the relationship, the job, and her home group in one day; walks into a new Thursday meeting and feels love wash over her during the four-minute meditation