If You Give Up Having It Your Way You’ll Get Everything You Ever Wanted – John S.

About This Speaker Tape

John S. from Billings, Montana shares his journey from a ranching and rock-and-roll background into devastating alcoholism and eventually into recovery through Alcoholics Anonymous. He describes meeting his wife Cindy while playing in a band, their turbulent 13 years of drunkenness together, and how alcohol initially made him feel capable and confident when sober he felt inadequate. He tells vivid, hilarious stories — like getting into a heated argument with his new banker about sheep when neither of them knew anything about sheep, illustrating how alcohol made him "know things that aren't true."

His drinking progressed to the point of suicidal ideation. He carried a .45 automatic and repeatedly put it in his mouth trying to pull the trigger. His parents secretly removed all his guns from the house. He began having homicidal thoughts about his wife and even his children. His old drinking buddy Frank got sober first and eventually brought John to his first AA meeting on December 19, 1982, but not before making him pass the 20 Questions test and wait until he was not actively drinking.

John describes his early sobriety with raw humor — his tough-love sponsors Richard and others in his home group who refused to coddle him. Richard told him to treat his wife kindly, dress up for meetings as a sign of respect, and learn to simply be where he said he'd be and do what he said he'd do. Nick told him newcomers under a year were "just visitors." Gerald made him say "I'm getting better in every way, every day" before he believed it. These abrasive but loving members shaped his recovery.

With 24 years of sobriety at the time of this talk, John reflects on the gifts of the program — a restored marriage with Cindy, a daughter Becky who got sober at 17 years, grandchildren, and a life built on integrity and following direction. He lost his mother just months before this talk and acknowledges that sobriety doesn't make life painless, but says he wouldn't trade it for anything. He closes by echoing Margaret's simple message: "Them that go to meetings stay sober, and them that don't, don't."

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction — mentions wife Cindy, the conference, and sets up his humorous storytelling style
• 3:30 First drink trailing cattle in southeastern Montana; first real drinking night in high school — wrecked mom's car, lost her credit card, got in fights, couldn't wait to do it again
• 7:00 The sheep argument story — gets into a heated debate with his new banker about sheep care when neither of them knows anything about sheep, illustrating alcoholic thinking
• 13:00 Suicidal ideation and homicidal thoughts — carrying the .45, parents stealing his guns, his mother's look of disgust and terror
• 18:00 Meeting Frank the speed salesman who got sober — Frank refuses to drink with him and mentions AA; John's first exposure to the program
• 24:00 Last day of drinking at the Keg Bar — the 20 Questions test, crying alone in the corner then wanting to fight anyone who approached
• 29:00 First AA meeting — meets sponsor Richard who asks if he's responsible for his own actions; feels hope for the first time
• 35:00 Home group characters — Millie seeing miracles, Margaret's one-liner, Gerald forcing him to say positive affirmations, Nick dismissing newcomers, Rod and Ralph's tough love
• 42:00 Spiritual awakening driving home in the diesel car — realizes he needs real help and these people have the message he needs
• 50:00 Gifts of sobriety — daughter Becky's 17 years sober, becoming grandparents, mother's recent death, and closing message about miracles and showing up