I Was Pre-Alcoholic Before I Ever Took a Drink the Way People Are Pre-Diabetic – Melinda H.
About This Speaker Tape
Melinda H., sober since June 1, 2015, speaks at the Monday Night Blue Chip Speaker meeting at the Nava Club, visiting from the Chapter 3 group at North Springs First United Methodist. She comes from an alcoholic family in Detroit, started blacking out at 14 or 15, and describes herself as a pre-alcoholic long before she ever took the first drink — fearful, vindictive, low self-esteem wrapped in egomaniac behavior. She drank hard for 25-plus years with hospital trips, alcohol poisoning, and a DUI in her 20s that included a slow-speed chase after she hit a police car — yet she still showed up to her sentencing drunk, and never connected alcohol to the wreckage.
By 2009 she had moved to Atlanta from Cincinnati, picked up a second DUI, lost a job for drinking, and was ghosted by friends of twenty years. The turning point came in Las Vegas for her birthday and a cousin's wedding — she left her boyfriend mid-tantrum, flew home alone, and on the way had attended her very first AA meeting where someone handed her the Big Book and she read Bill's story out loud. She didn't remember going until two years later, which became central proof for her that a Higher Power was moving her before she asked.
The what-it's-like-now half is working-the-steps basics: white chip, sponsor, 90 in 90 while driving the Southeast for work, service work, hotline shifts, sponsoring women, and reading pages 83 to 88 every day for her first couple of years. She's been tested — paralyzed during a 2016 outpatient procedure, lost relationships, deaths — and never considered drinking on any of it. She leans on page 64 on resentment, meditates when she remembers to as her pause-when-agitated tool, and uses the Sandy Springs drive as her litmus test for emotional sobriety.
Her through-line is that the book has the answers, her higher power put her into sobriety because she has too many defects to handle alone, and boundaries — even with family — are an act of love, not punishment. She closes on the promises: not extravagant, sometimes very slow, but real when the work is done.
Topics
Timestamps
Full Transcript
They say it works when you work it, you know, and that we can only keep what we have by giving it away. Check it out.
Hey y'all, let's have a meeting. My name is Amy and I am an alcoholic.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speaker...
Hey y'all, let's have a meeting. My name is Amy and I am an alcoholic.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speaker...
They say it works when you work it, you know, and that we can only keep what we have by giving it away. Check it out.
Hey y'all, let's have a meeting. My name is Amy and I am an alcoholic.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speaker meeting at the Nava Club,
where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story.
This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view
the way they establish their relationship with God.
These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives.
We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts a bad taste.
Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight
and listening later on aabluechipspeakers.org
desperately indeed will hear our speaker
and we believe it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems
that any of us shall be persuaded to say,
yes, I'm one of them too, I must have this thing.
Melinda is visiting us from the Chapter 3 group at North Springs First United Methodist Church.
She was here a few months ago when Bill M. from 8111 told his story.
You may remember his story.
He was a pilot, airline pilot.
So I said, Bill, we could use your help.
Who do you know?
And he immediately threw Melinda under the bus.
And we signed her up and she is here.
So she made a commitment.
And I can't wait to hear her story.
Welcome, Melinda.
Good evening.
I'm Melinda and I'm an alcoholic.
My sobriety date is June 1st, 2015.
A little bit about me.
I'm originally from Detroit.
Before I got to Atlanta in 2009,
I spent a few years in purgatory.
I mean, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Sorry for any Ohioans here.
But sobriety is my number one priority.
And it has been since the day I decided to stop drinking
and was kind of propelled into this life.
And how I tell my story,
I really like to go by the book and what it says on,
page 58, and how it works.
What we used to be like, what happened,
and what we are like now.
And I'm going to refer to the book a lot
because the book has all of the answers for me.
Like literally, like if I have a problem,
if I have an attitude about something,
or if I'm trying to really figure something out,
usually I call my sponsor or I know the book.
Because I know me alone, I don't have the answers
to much of anything I've figured out.
I have lots of notes.
So I'm going to stay on track.
So what I used to be like,
in a doctor's opinion on page 28, it says,
to them, their alcoholic life seems like the normal one.
They are restless, irritable, and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease
and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks.
So I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic family on both sides.
My dad was an alcoholic, granddad, I think an aunt.
So I also came from a religious family.
We were Yankees, but they were very Southern Baptist.
So a lot of fire and brimstone.
Divorced parents, had a younger sister.
Had to grow up really fast and take care of myself.
So a lot of what I learned, social skills
and interacting with the world, was clouded
in dysfunction and abuse.
So I was always seeking some type of safety
and a way to fit in.
So by the time I started drinking, maybe,
I think it was around 14 or 15.
So I drank for a good 25 plus years.
Before that, I like to say that I was really pre-alcoholic.
Like people say, pre-diabetic.
Because I had all of the symptoms
and all of the characteristics and all of the behaviors
of an alcoholic before I actually took that first drink.
I was fearful and vindictive, selfish, mean-spirited.
I have low self-esteem.
What's the saying?
Low self-esteem, but egomaniac.
That's what we're of.
I'm like, I know everything.
I'm the greatest.
But inside, I'm like, feeling kind of unworthy.
So I was always trying to fit in.
So it says on page 31 in More About Alcoholism,
here are some of the methods we tried.
And I tried them not to quit,
but just to control and manage my drinking
and stay out of trouble.
So I was an all-purpose drinker.
I drank anything.
You know, I was a blackout drinker.
I was a binge drinker.
I was a weekday drinker.
It didn't matter.
I drank constantly.
And I wasn't one of those people who kind of grew
into their alcoholism.
Like, people start drinking in college, and then go down.
Yeah, I was like, immediately, woo, alcohol.
Let's do this.
So I didn't have that kind of segue into alcoholism.
I was blacking out at 14, 15 years old,
which is kind of hard to conceal, you know?
I didn't live alone.
I had to go to high school.
So it's really interesting, since I was blacked out.
I don't remember.
But I did a lot of drinking in my teens.
So I want to go through my drunk log very quickly.
And I drew it from my teens to my 20s to my 30s
with just the highlights, because there's a lot.
But in my teens, I remember being hung over.
I probably was still drunk at my SAT.
And that's just, I don't know.
I mean, it is what it is.
So lots of trips to the emergency room, alcohol poisoning.
But I never ended up in treatment,
because, again, in my household, there were a lot of alcoholics,
but we didn't talk about alcoholism.
So by the time I got to college in my 20s,
I went to a liberal arts Catholic college.
And they had nuns and fathers of teachers.
So I ended up going.
I ended up on disciplinary probation, but I was also on the dean's list.
It was rough.
The nuns, I was yelling and cussing at the nuns.
It was just bad behavior.
But I was still that overachiever and wanting to do well.
But I just wanted to do it my way.
And in my 20s, I got my first DUI.
So funny story.
Today, I'm applying for this job.
And it's been a long time.
It's been a long time.
I'm in the finance industry.
So they want you to give a lot of background and do all that kind of stuff.
So they've been going back and forth with me about my criminal disclosure statement for that first DUI.
So today, they sent me an email and said, we need more information.
It just says impaired and failure to report an accident.
So I did what my lawyer said and was like, okay.
You know, on such and such day.
You know, I merged.
It was late at night.
I didn't see something.
I tapped it.
I kept going.
They finally pulled me over.
And, you know, I was charged, arrested, arrested, charged, sentenced, blah, blah, blah.
And that sounds pretty basic.
But what really happened is that it was like 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning.
I've been partying, driving somebody else's car, hit a police car, and kept going on the
freeway.
That did not sound like a statement.
And I'm like, what?
I'm not going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
And I told nobody from my job that I'm trying to get, here's the story, but even still,
because that is not what I, you know, I kept it very, very brief.
But, yeah, and they chased me for, not, it was a slow speed chase.
They didn't, and then by the time they pulled me over, I mean, it was like three counties,
a couple of cities.
It was the whole thing.
But it was my first experience with trouble.
And you would think that that would at least put a spark in my brain that alcohol was a
problem, like I had a drinking problem.
And no, because I was drunk at my sentencing.
And my lawyer was a friend of mine, and he was like, oh my God, you just smell, just
peep in my clothes.
I hope the judge says I can't smell you from the bench.
I mean, and I still didn't, it never clicked.
It never clicked that I had a drinking problem.
I never put the two together.
So by the time I got to my 30s, when I moved here in 2009 is when I got my second DUI.
And I was at that time in Ohio.
So I just moved here from there, getting laid off.
You know, I was really in a bit of a tailspin.
And before I got that DUI, I had, I think I had two accidents.
I think it was July 4th weekend.
And I had two accidents.
And I had two accidents.
I had two accidents up to that one.
I hit a tree.
I think I hit another car.
You know, day drinking, that's a thing.
Not really.
So even then, this was 2009, I hadn't come to the realization that I had a problem.
So what happened?
On page 21, and there's a solution that says, well, what is a real alcoholic?
He is a real Dr. Jeffrel and Mr. Hyatt.
He's seldom mildly, he's seldom mildly intoxicated.
He is always more or less insanely drunk.
So by 2009, 10, 11, 12, up until I got sober, I looked back on it and see that I was really in a, in a tailspin.
And it was, I was in a decline.
So I got a job.
I lost it because I was drunk.
I lost my job.
I was drinking nonstop all the time.
Like I said, I wasn't, I just drank, like, a little bit through the week.
And then, you know, a little bit is just like a couple of bottles of wine.
But then on the weekend, you know, it was party time.
So I lost my job because I couldn't really function properly.
And I wasn't prepared.
And I wasn't mentally capable to do the work.
So we decided to part ways.
They were very nice about it.
So my behavior was getting worse and worse.
I mean, if it could, when I look back on it, it had always been pretty much mediocre.
So then I had a fight somewhere and got kicked out.
That actually happened a lot.
But I'm just talking about this one time because it's in the what happened part.
And because of that incident, my friends stopped talking to me.
They just, they didn't say, you know what?
You drink too much.
They didn't intervene.
They didn't do any of that.
They just ghost, like people that I've known for 20 years.
I still didn't think I had a drinking problem.
I lost my job.
I didn't have any friends.
I'm fighting people in random places.
And it still hadn't dawned on me.
And then, Las Vegas.
So my belly button birthday is May 1st.
May 27th.
And my sobriety date is June 1st.
In a minute, more will be revealed.
So on page 58 in How It Works, it says, you decided you want what we have and are willing
to go to any lengths to get it.
We went to Las Vegas for my birthday and for my cousin's wedding.
And I've been drinking pretty much celebrating the entire month.
My birthday is on the 20th.
It's the 27th.
So there was an incident.
And my boyfriend and I at the time were still together.
I just don't even believe he's still with me.
We had an incident.
And I left him in Las Vegas with my family.
I got on a plane and left and did not tell him because I was having a tantrum.
And I wasn't getting my way.
I was drunk and whatever it was.
But by the time I came to, when I got back to Atlanta, it had dawned on me.
It was like a white light moment.
It was one of those.
And I'll tell you why that's important in a second.
So I got back to Atlanta.
I came to.
I was like, you know what, I'm going to go to a meeting.
And it wasn't until, and I went to a meeting and I've been here ever since.
And it wasn't until, and I went to a meeting and I've been here ever since.
And it wasn't until, and I went to a meeting and I've been here ever since.
And it wasn't until 2017 that I remember, I forgot a very, very important part in that story.
So that Saturday, we went to a meeting because he's in the program.
So I was like, right, yeah, I'll go to a meeting with you.
I had never been to a meeting before.
So this was Saturday.
So I stopped drinking on Monday when I got back to Atlanta.
And so we found a meeting in Vegas and went and it was interesting.
And they asked me to read.
And I was like, read what?
He just handed me the book.
Would you like to read?
I'm like, okay.
I'm just there.
Look, I'm just in between drinks.
That's it.
It's like, okay, we're going to do this and then I'm going to go back and get it cracking.
So he gave me the book.
And the guy was like, read whatever you want.
So I started reading Bill's story.
So I'm reading page after page after page.
I'm like, wow, this is really interesting.
I'm like, this guy, Bill, damn.
What's up with that?
And then in 2017, I realized that that had happened.
That two days before I got sober, I went, I was drunk, but I went to my first AA meeting.
And I really feel like that kind of left an impression, even though I didn't remember, you know, for a couple years later.
But I thought it was really interesting how that happened.
And, you know, God works in mysterious ways and there's a plan and all of that.
But it was like I read Bill's story in a meeting.
I'm like, what's happening here?
But so I got sober and immediately I jumped in.
Because up until that point, I didn't do anything really that I didn't want to do that didn't have anything to do with drinking that anybody told me to do.
I just wanted to do stuff my way.
And so when I came to the program, I just started doing everything that y'all told me to do.
And I didn't question it.
I didn't think about it.
It didn't matter.
I knew that I couldn't drink anymore.
And I didn't know how to not do that.
So I immediately started going to meetings.
I got a white chip.
I got a sponsor.
I worked the steps.
I made amends, which is really easy.
Like when people talk about the fourth and fifth steps, like, oh, my God, it's so scary.
No, it's not embarrassing.
It's not scary.
What's embarrassing and scary is that drunk a lot.
Of 30 years and falling down drunk and throwing up on people and fighting and going to jail.
All of that is what I should have been embarrassed and ashamed of.
But come to this program, it took that away as well.
It took that embarrassment and shame away because I realized that alcoholism is a disease.
I have it.
And in order to not drink, I have to work this program.
So I started doing service work, a lot of service work, read the book, wrote a lot of book studies.
I did 90 meetings in 90 days, which was really important because I had a job at the time that I had to drive around the southeastern United States for.
And I'd be in Tennessee or Alabama or Florida, and I didn't miss a meeting.
It was that important.
If I had to get up at 5, 6 o'clock in the morning to go to a meeting and then, you know, make it to work, that's what I did.
If I had to go to a meeting at night and I am in the bed at 8 o'clock, it's past my bedtime right now.
You know, but for this, I make all of, I don't feel like there are exceptions.
You know, it is the rule.
It's just a way of life.
I went to the international convention because I only had 30 days at the time, and that was awesome.
So I'm super excited to go to Detroit.
Which is where I'm from, so that's going to be nice.
I go to the roundups.
I volunteer for the hotline for a couple years.
I sponsor women.
AA has essentially changed my life.
But I get ahead of myself.
What I'm like now.
The fact that I went to an AA meeting and then had this big meltdown and then came home and got sober and didn't remember it, essentially.
Really reinforced the idea for me that God is real.
I'm sober because of my higher power.
Not because of anything that I actively did.
Because I wanted to stop drinking all those times.
I may have even tried it, but not with any success or any real intention.
And on page 53.
In the agnostics, it says God either is or he isn't.
And when I read that the first time, it was so powerful.
Because the fact that I drank regularly, consistently.
With consequences, without consequences.
Bad stuff happened to me.
It never occurred to me to stop drinking.
And then one day, I did.
And having won it two cents.
That isn't something that was like really inside of my control.
And I have to acknowledge and give credit to God.
Because that's really what it is.
But in order to stay sober, I have to do the work.
On 56 and 57 in the agnostics, it says,
For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his creator.
His alcoholic problem.
Was taken away.
And God had restored his sanity.
So I'm going to have to put an asterisk next to that sanity piece.
Because character defects are real.
I think that's probably the reason why God popped me into sobriety.
Because I have so many issues.
And now, working this program allows me to work on them.
And try to be a grown up.
I was really immature.
And never grew up.
Because I never took responsibility for anything.
It was everybody else's fault.
I didn't do that or justify and rationalize absolutely everything.
So how am I different today?
There have been a few situations in the past few years.
That have tested my faith.
I've been sick a lot.
And I joked that it was the alcohol that was keeping everything running.
Because now, I'm a freaking mess.
But then I just realized it's just old age.
I'm just old.
I mean, that happens.
I was actually paralyzed during an outpatient procedure in 2016.
I woke up and couldn't walk.
Fell out the bed.
It was like an SNL sketch.
And people died.
I've lost relationships.
And again, back up has happened.
But at no point have I ever thought or felt that putting a drink on top of that would make the situation better.
I really know that it won't.
I think if, knowing what I know now.
If I went back out.
I really don't know if I would make it back.
Because it means so much to be sober now.
And even in the best times that I had as a drinker.
You know, graduations and birthdays and parties and promotions and stuff like that.
I wouldn't trade one of those best days for the worst day that I've had in sobriety.
And I think, like, situationally, I've had my worst days in sobriety.
But it doesn't matter because I'm sober.
I'm real honest about my alcoholism.
I don't hide it.
You know, I stick to the anonymous part.
But, you know, if there's somebody that needs some help, you know, I try to help them.
I try to live by the principles.
It's hard when you're in traffic, I will say.
That it's either because I'm tired today or I'm just evolving.
I didn't blow my horn or flip anybody off on the way here.
And I'm coming from Sandy Springs, which is a regular daily occurrence.
It's like my litmus test of how emotionally sober I am.
That's one of the things.
But I do.
In all seriousness, I have some of those because it keeps me aware of how emotionally sober I am
and how healthy I am in my sobriety if I'm behaving badly.
If I'm, you know, really leaning heavily on the liabilities side of the chart and not the assets,
then I have to, you know, what I really don't like is reevaluate.
I have to do another fourth and fifth step.
This year, that's a whole other story.
But let's just say a refrigerator organization was involved in the potential end of my relationship.
My self-esteem has improved.
It's hard to be up here.
I am nervous even though I just do it.
That's one of the things, too.
When people volunteer me to do things.
It's hard.
It's hard to do things.
Or my service work bullies, I mean sponsors, tell me to do stuff.
I just do it because I know it's not just for me but it's to help other alcoholics.
And that's really important to me.
I'm less angry by about 10%.
But therapy helps with that, too.
AA is my solution for sobriety and right living.
But I also use other tools as well.
But this is the one.
I'm not going to be like, yeah, I'm going to just go to therapy.
I'm going to just go to church.
Because I did those things before.
And it never clicked.
It's like a triangle, you know.
I need all these pieces in order to stay sober.
I don't have tantrums except in traffic.
I don't try to get even anymore.
And that was like pinky in the brain level.
I was always trying to one-up somebody or be better or show them that I'm smarter than them, win at all costs.
And that's just not my priority.
That's not what's important to me anymore.
And I have to check my mark.
I have to check my motives.
Like almost on a daily basis to, again, be able to determine if, you know, what reasons am I behaving this way?
Or what reasons am I doing this for?
Like I know why I'm doing this.
Now, if I decided not to come, then I would have been like, well, why didn't you go?
Oh, you don't feel well?
Oh, you're tired?
None of that stuff.
I used to make excuses like that for not doing something that I didn't want to do.
But that's not a reason to not do something.
Just because I don't want to do it, that's dumb and immature, which is what I realized in this program.
What AA has taught or given me, I really live for pages 83 to 88.
I read them every day for those first couple years because that's where the answer is for me.
Forgiveness, happiness, humility, love and tolerance.
I give myself the benefit of the doubt now a little more.
It's a work in progress because I have to, you know, try to undo almost 40 years of bad behavior or negative thinking about myself.
So I say I forgive myself because of that.
That's it.
I forgive myself because God can.
So who am I to not forgive myself and God can?
It's like, seriously, who are you?
On page 64 in how it works, it says, resentment is the number one offender.
And it destroys more alcoholics than anything else.
And again, because I come from and live in a place of anger, I have to check that.
And stay on top of it all the time.
So I do meditate when I think about it.
I'm not perfect at it.
And it really helps me.
I think it's like the one thing I don't hear talked about in meetings a lot.
But that meditation piece, even if I could just do it for five minutes, it will save me from cussing at somebody and having a road rage incident.
Because it's my, you know, pause when agitated kind of tool.
How I stay sober now.
Women's meetings.
Book studies.
That was really important in the beginning and I just stick to the basics with that.
I have a whole network of people in the program that I can call, write, text, visit.
Every day, my life is...
It's full of the program.
Even when I don't want it to be.
I have a relationship with my sponsor.
Like I said, I do a lot of service work.
I read AA literature on a regular basis.
Because I'm a big reader.
You know, at first I had to start by doing the stuff that...
Wasn't necessarily easy, but came naturally to me.
If I wasn't a big reader, then I probably wouldn't have taken to the literature.
And if I liked, you know, to go and be social with people, maybe meetings would have been my thing.
But I just did it all because that's what they told me to do.
And I was like, who am I? I don't know.
I go to AA events.
You know, all the round ups.
And I haven't been to any of the girl convention things yet, but...
It's on my list.
Oh, and even when I'm on vacation or when I'm traveling for work, I still go to meetings.
And because I can't take a vacation from my program.
And like some of these vacations, we go on, you know, it's these all-inclusive places.
And everybody is drinking.
And everybody you're with is drinking.
And I just like to...
Well, me and him, we can...
We're our own meeting and inventory collector.
So it kind of works.
Both ways.
But I do.
I go to meetings when I'm out of town.
And I have fun in sobriety.
I wasn't one of those people who felt like my life was going to be over once I started to stop drinking.
And I'm really grateful for that.
So I didn't have to...
Just by design, I stopped hanging out and doing stuff with those people, places, and things that would maybe trigger or activate.
A relapse or just a desire to drink.
But just naturally, I didn't have to stop going to this place because it was hard to be at.
Well, no, that's not true.
Family gatherings.
It was just an excuse.
It's like, oh, I'm putting a boundary between us.
I don't want to spend Thanksgiving with you.
I'm just kidding.
No, seriously.
Boundaries aren't important.
Even, you know, with your family, with my family, and people that are closest to me.
Because it helps me and it helps them.
And, again, the book told me and the program taught me how to do that in a loving and tolerant way and not a punitive, selfish way.
And just to finish, my favorite part in the book is on...
Page 83 in the action.
We should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile or scraping.
As God's people, we stand on our feet.
We don't crawl before anyone.
And I figure if I take that approach to almost any situation, then everything is going to work out how it's supposed to.
And the promises.
You know, they're real.
But they don't happen all the time and all at once.
And they aren't, for me, they aren't extravagant.
It's just, you know, stuff that I wanted, you know, growing up and didn't have and I turned to alcohol to get.
So sometimes quickly, sometimes very, very slowly.
30 years later, it will materialize if we work for them.
That's all I got.
Thanks for letting me share.
.
.
This song goes out to 12-steppers all around the world, as well as to those who have gone before us and those who may be on their way.
They say it works when you work it, you know.
And that we can only keep what we have by giving it away.
Check it out.
Okay, this song is going to help you with your evolution.
Only if you're sick and tired of the pollution.
The steps that we take are all about solutions.
They will even help you make your restitution.
The steps can eliminate the negativity and at the same time accentuate the positivity.
You may even comprehend the word serenity.
Now we're going to take the steps to our best ability.
And the very first step is about a surrender.
And you may even be a first-time offender.
Or you may be coming back from your last bender.
But welcome to the club, you still can be a member.
And step two, that's the power that restores sanity.
It's greater than yourself, it's not about your vanity.
Don't forget about the pain that brought you calamity.
Now you owe it to yourself to take responsibility.
When we get to step three, it's time to make a decision.
For our will and lives to undergo a revision.
No longer do we have to feel a sense of division.
We're on our new journey, so watch out for collisions.
Steps one, two, and three helps you build a foundation.
.
But don't forget to cancel all reservations.
Welcome to your new life, here's your invitation.
But more will be revealed, what a revelation.
We take a step to learn to free our minds.
We practice principles so we can redesign.
We keep it real simple, just a day at a time.
We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine.
It's a natural high, and that's a matter of fact.
We know deep inside there's nothing we lack.
We live in the moment, cause that's where it's at.
It works when you work it, so keep coming back.
Step four is where you're going to take your inventory.
Now we're looking for the truth, not for fame and glory.
Just put it down on paper, there's no need to worry.
It won't be very long before you tell your story.
And step five, take your fourth step and share it with another.
Chances are you did some harm to your sister and your brother.
The same thing goes for your father and your mother.
Now we're living in the light, we're not hiding under cover.
Step six is how we deal with our character defects.
No longer are we twisted, now we're coming correct.
We're building character and we can feel the effect.
Now we have a second chance to get ready, get set.
In the seventh step we learn about humility.
We recognize our shortcomings and we find stability.
But we gotta keep it real and keep it in reality.
That's why we take the steps to our best ability.
We take the steps we learn to free our minds.
We practice principles so we can read the signs.
We keep it real simple just a day at a time.
We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine.
It's a natural high and that's a matter of fact.
We know deep inside there's nothing we lack.
We live in the moment, cause that's where it's at.
It works when you work it, so keep coming back.
In step eight we make a list of the ones we did harm to.
We're cleaning up the past cause it's something we must do.
It takes willingness and we suggest we follow through.
What you about to do is gonna change your point of view.
Now in the ninth step it's time to mend some fences.
We step up to the plate about our past offenses.
If we're gonna make it right we drop all the fences.
By now we have begun to regain our senses.
The tenth step is all about the application.
So that we can learn to face any situation.
Remember that it's not about a graduation.
You know the tenth step is really a continuation.
In step eleven we begin to practice meditation.
It guides us through the world like a navigation.
And we're not afraid to ask for the inspiration.
But we gotta keep it moving, there's no hesitation.
In step twelve we practice principles in all our affairs.
We try to be of help especially when we share.
Now we're living consciously, we are awake and aware.
So take this message to another, let them know that you care.
We take the steps to learn to free our minds.
We practice principles so we can redesign.
We keep it real simple just a day at a time.
We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine.
It's a natural high and that's a matter of fact.
We know deep inside there's nothing we lack.
We live in the moment cause that's where it's at.
It works when you work it so keep coming back.
So there you have it, steps one through twelve.
Remember you don't have to step alone.
We step together one day at a time.
And no matter what, we keep coming back.
So until the next time, peace in, peace out.
Hey y'all, let's have a meeting. My name is Amy and I am an alcoholic.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speaker meeting at the Nava Club,
where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story.
This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view
the way they establish their relationship with God.
These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives.
We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts a bad taste.
Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight
and listening later on aabluechipspeakers.org
desperately indeed will hear our speaker
and we believe it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems
that any of us shall be persuaded to say,
yes, I'm one of them too, I must have this thing.
Melinda is visiting us from the Chapter 3 group at North Springs First United Methodist Church.
She was here a few months ago when Bill M. from 8111 told his story.
You may remember his story.
He was a pilot, airline pilot.
So I said, Bill, we could use your help.
Who do you know?
And he immediately threw Melinda under the bus.
And we signed her up and she is here.
So she made a commitment.
And I can't wait to hear her story.
Welcome, Melinda.
Good evening.
I'm Melinda and I'm an alcoholic.
My sobriety date is June 1st, 2015.
A little bit about me.
I'm originally from Detroit.
Before I got to Atlanta in 2009,
I spent a few years in purgatory.
I mean, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Sorry for any Ohioans here.
But sobriety is my number one priority.
And it has been since the day I decided to stop drinking
and was kind of propelled into this life.
And how I tell my story,
I really like to go by the book and what it says on,
page 58, and how it works.
What we used to be like, what happened,
and what we are like now.
And I'm going to refer to the book a lot
because the book has all of the answers for me.
Like literally, like if I have a problem,
if I have an attitude about something,
or if I'm trying to really figure something out,
usually I call my sponsor or I know the book.
Because I know me alone, I don't have the answers
to much of anything I've figured out.
I have lots of notes.
So I'm going to stay on track.
So what I used to be like,
in a doctor's opinion on page 28, it says,
to them, their alcoholic life seems like the normal one.
They are restless, irritable, and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease
and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks.
So I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic life.
I came from an alcoholic family on both sides.
My dad was an alcoholic, granddad, I think an aunt.
So I also came from a religious family.
We were Yankees, but they were very Southern Baptist.
So a lot of fire and brimstone.
Divorced parents, had a younger sister.
Had to grow up really fast and take care of myself.
So a lot of what I learned, social skills
and interacting with the world, was clouded
in dysfunction and abuse.
So I was always seeking some type of safety
and a way to fit in.
So by the time I started drinking, maybe,
I think it was around 14 or 15.
So I drank for a good 25 plus years.
Before that, I like to say that I was really pre-alcoholic.
Like people say, pre-diabetic.
Because I had all of the symptoms
and all of the characteristics and all of the behaviors
of an alcoholic before I actually took that first drink.
I was fearful and vindictive, selfish, mean-spirited.
I have low self-esteem.
What's the saying?
Low self-esteem, but egomaniac.
That's what we're of.
I'm like, I know everything.
I'm the greatest.
But inside, I'm like, feeling kind of unworthy.
So I was always trying to fit in.
So it says on page 31 in More About Alcoholism,
here are some of the methods we tried.
And I tried them not to quit,
but just to control and manage my drinking
and stay out of trouble.
So I was an all-purpose drinker.
I drank anything.
You know, I was a blackout drinker.
I was a binge drinker.
I was a weekday drinker.
It didn't matter.
I drank constantly.
And I wasn't one of those people who kind of grew
into their alcoholism.
Like, people start drinking in college, and then go down.
Yeah, I was like, immediately, woo, alcohol.
Let's do this.
So I didn't have that kind of segue into alcoholism.
I was blacking out at 14, 15 years old,
which is kind of hard to conceal, you know?
I didn't live alone.
I had to go to high school.
So it's really interesting, since I was blacked out.
I don't remember.
But I did a lot of drinking in my teens.
So I want to go through my drunk log very quickly.
And I drew it from my teens to my 20s to my 30s
with just the highlights, because there's a lot.
But in my teens, I remember being hung over.
I probably was still drunk at my SAT.
And that's just, I don't know.
I mean, it is what it is.
So lots of trips to the emergency room, alcohol poisoning.
But I never ended up in treatment,
because, again, in my household, there were a lot of alcoholics,
but we didn't talk about alcoholism.
So by the time I got to college in my 20s,
I went to a liberal arts Catholic college.
And they had nuns and fathers of teachers.
So I ended up going.
I ended up on disciplinary probation, but I was also on the dean's list.
It was rough.
The nuns, I was yelling and cussing at the nuns.
It was just bad behavior.
But I was still that overachiever and wanting to do well.
But I just wanted to do it my way.
And in my 20s, I got my first DUI.
So funny story.
Today, I'm applying for this job.
And it's been a long time.
It's been a long time.
I'm in the finance industry.
So they want you to give a lot of background and do all that kind of stuff.
So they've been going back and forth with me about my criminal disclosure statement for that first DUI.
So today, they sent me an email and said, we need more information.
It just says impaired and failure to report an accident.
So I did what my lawyer said and was like, okay.
You know, on such and such day.
You know, I merged.
It was late at night.
I didn't see something.
I tapped it.
I kept going.
They finally pulled me over.
And, you know, I was charged, arrested, arrested, charged, sentenced, blah, blah, blah.
And that sounds pretty basic.
But what really happened is that it was like 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning.
I've been partying, driving somebody else's car, hit a police car, and kept going on the
freeway.
That did not sound like a statement.
And I'm like, what?
I'm not going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
And I told nobody from my job that I'm trying to get, here's the story, but even still,
because that is not what I, you know, I kept it very, very brief.
But, yeah, and they chased me for, not, it was a slow speed chase.
They didn't, and then by the time they pulled me over, I mean, it was like three counties,
a couple of cities.
It was the whole thing.
But it was my first experience with trouble.
And you would think that that would at least put a spark in my brain that alcohol was a
problem, like I had a drinking problem.
And no, because I was drunk at my sentencing.
And my lawyer was a friend of mine, and he was like, oh my God, you just smell, just
peep in my clothes.
I hope the judge says I can't smell you from the bench.
I mean, and I still didn't, it never clicked.
It never clicked that I had a drinking problem.
I never put the two together.
So by the time I got to my 30s, when I moved here in 2009 is when I got my second DUI.
And I was at that time in Ohio.
So I just moved here from there, getting laid off.
You know, I was really in a bit of a tailspin.
And before I got that DUI, I had, I think I had two accidents.
I think it was July 4th weekend.
And I had two accidents.
And I had two accidents.
I had two accidents up to that one.
I hit a tree.
I think I hit another car.
You know, day drinking, that's a thing.
Not really.
So even then, this was 2009, I hadn't come to the realization that I had a problem.
So what happened?
On page 21, and there's a solution that says, well, what is a real alcoholic?
He is a real Dr. Jeffrel and Mr. Hyatt.
He's seldom mildly, he's seldom mildly intoxicated.
He is always more or less insanely drunk.
So by 2009, 10, 11, 12, up until I got sober, I looked back on it and see that I was really in a, in a tailspin.
And it was, I was in a decline.
So I got a job.
I lost it because I was drunk.
I lost my job.
I was drinking nonstop all the time.
Like I said, I wasn't, I just drank, like, a little bit through the week.
And then, you know, a little bit is just like a couple of bottles of wine.
But then on the weekend, you know, it was party time.
So I lost my job because I couldn't really function properly.
And I wasn't prepared.
And I wasn't mentally capable to do the work.
So we decided to part ways.
They were very nice about it.
So my behavior was getting worse and worse.
I mean, if it could, when I look back on it, it had always been pretty much mediocre.
So then I had a fight somewhere and got kicked out.
That actually happened a lot.
But I'm just talking about this one time because it's in the what happened part.
And because of that incident, my friends stopped talking to me.
They just, they didn't say, you know what?
You drink too much.
They didn't intervene.
They didn't do any of that.
They just ghost, like people that I've known for 20 years.
I still didn't think I had a drinking problem.
I lost my job.
I didn't have any friends.
I'm fighting people in random places.
And it still hadn't dawned on me.
And then, Las Vegas.
So my belly button birthday is May 1st.
May 27th.
And my sobriety date is June 1st.
In a minute, more will be revealed.
So on page 58 in How It Works, it says, you decided you want what we have and are willing
to go to any lengths to get it.
We went to Las Vegas for my birthday and for my cousin's wedding.
And I've been drinking pretty much celebrating the entire month.
My birthday is on the 20th.
It's the 27th.
So there was an incident.
And my boyfriend and I at the time were still together.
I just don't even believe he's still with me.
We had an incident.
And I left him in Las Vegas with my family.
I got on a plane and left and did not tell him because I was having a tantrum.
And I wasn't getting my way.
I was drunk and whatever it was.
But by the time I came to, when I got back to Atlanta, it had dawned on me.
It was like a white light moment.
It was one of those.
And I'll tell you why that's important in a second.
So I got back to Atlanta.
I came to.
I was like, you know what, I'm going to go to a meeting.
And it wasn't until, and I went to a meeting and I've been here ever since.
And it wasn't until, and I went to a meeting and I've been here ever since.
And it wasn't until, and I went to a meeting and I've been here ever since.
And it wasn't until 2017 that I remember, I forgot a very, very important part in that story.
So that Saturday, we went to a meeting because he's in the program.
So I was like, right, yeah, I'll go to a meeting with you.
I had never been to a meeting before.
So this was Saturday.
So I stopped drinking on Monday when I got back to Atlanta.
And so we found a meeting in Vegas and went and it was interesting.
And they asked me to read.
And I was like, read what?
He just handed me the book.
Would you like to read?
I'm like, okay.
I'm just there.
Look, I'm just in between drinks.
That's it.
It's like, okay, we're going to do this and then I'm going to go back and get it cracking.
So he gave me the book.
And the guy was like, read whatever you want.
So I started reading Bill's story.
So I'm reading page after page after page.
I'm like, wow, this is really interesting.
I'm like, this guy, Bill, damn.
What's up with that?
And then in 2017, I realized that that had happened.
That two days before I got sober, I went, I was drunk, but I went to my first AA meeting.
And I really feel like that kind of left an impression, even though I didn't remember, you know, for a couple years later.
But I thought it was really interesting how that happened.
And, you know, God works in mysterious ways and there's a plan and all of that.
But it was like I read Bill's story in a meeting.
I'm like, what's happening here?
But so I got sober and immediately I jumped in.
Because up until that point, I didn't do anything really that I didn't want to do that didn't have anything to do with drinking that anybody told me to do.
I just wanted to do stuff my way.
And so when I came to the program, I just started doing everything that y'all told me to do.
And I didn't question it.
I didn't think about it.
It didn't matter.
I knew that I couldn't drink anymore.
And I didn't know how to not do that.
So I immediately started going to meetings.
I got a white chip.
I got a sponsor.
I worked the steps.
I made amends, which is really easy.
Like when people talk about the fourth and fifth steps, like, oh, my God, it's so scary.
No, it's not embarrassing.
It's not scary.
What's embarrassing and scary is that drunk a lot.
Of 30 years and falling down drunk and throwing up on people and fighting and going to jail.
All of that is what I should have been embarrassed and ashamed of.
But come to this program, it took that away as well.
It took that embarrassment and shame away because I realized that alcoholism is a disease.
I have it.
And in order to not drink, I have to work this program.
So I started doing service work, a lot of service work, read the book, wrote a lot of book studies.
I did 90 meetings in 90 days, which was really important because I had a job at the time that I had to drive around the southeastern United States for.
And I'd be in Tennessee or Alabama or Florida, and I didn't miss a meeting.
It was that important.
If I had to get up at 5, 6 o'clock in the morning to go to a meeting and then, you know, make it to work, that's what I did.
If I had to go to a meeting at night and I am in the bed at 8 o'clock, it's past my bedtime right now.
You know, but for this, I make all of, I don't feel like there are exceptions.
You know, it is the rule.
It's just a way of life.
I went to the international convention because I only had 30 days at the time, and that was awesome.
So I'm super excited to go to Detroit.
Which is where I'm from, so that's going to be nice.
I go to the roundups.
I volunteer for the hotline for a couple years.
I sponsor women.
AA has essentially changed my life.
But I get ahead of myself.
What I'm like now.
The fact that I went to an AA meeting and then had this big meltdown and then came home and got sober and didn't remember it, essentially.
Really reinforced the idea for me that God is real.
I'm sober because of my higher power.
Not because of anything that I actively did.
Because I wanted to stop drinking all those times.
I may have even tried it, but not with any success or any real intention.
And on page 53.
In the agnostics, it says God either is or he isn't.
And when I read that the first time, it was so powerful.
Because the fact that I drank regularly, consistently.
With consequences, without consequences.
Bad stuff happened to me.
It never occurred to me to stop drinking.
And then one day, I did.
And having won it two cents.
That isn't something that was like really inside of my control.
And I have to acknowledge and give credit to God.
Because that's really what it is.
But in order to stay sober, I have to do the work.
On 56 and 57 in the agnostics, it says,
For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his creator.
His alcoholic problem.
Was taken away.
And God had restored his sanity.
So I'm going to have to put an asterisk next to that sanity piece.
Because character defects are real.
I think that's probably the reason why God popped me into sobriety.
Because I have so many issues.
And now, working this program allows me to work on them.
And try to be a grown up.
I was really immature.
And never grew up.
Because I never took responsibility for anything.
It was everybody else's fault.
I didn't do that or justify and rationalize absolutely everything.
So how am I different today?
There have been a few situations in the past few years.
That have tested my faith.
I've been sick a lot.
And I joked that it was the alcohol that was keeping everything running.
Because now, I'm a freaking mess.
But then I just realized it's just old age.
I'm just old.
I mean, that happens.
I was actually paralyzed during an outpatient procedure in 2016.
I woke up and couldn't walk.
Fell out the bed.
It was like an SNL sketch.
And people died.
I've lost relationships.
And again, back up has happened.
But at no point have I ever thought or felt that putting a drink on top of that would make the situation better.
I really know that it won't.
I think if, knowing what I know now.
If I went back out.
I really don't know if I would make it back.
Because it means so much to be sober now.
And even in the best times that I had as a drinker.
You know, graduations and birthdays and parties and promotions and stuff like that.
I wouldn't trade one of those best days for the worst day that I've had in sobriety.
And I think, like, situationally, I've had my worst days in sobriety.
But it doesn't matter because I'm sober.
I'm real honest about my alcoholism.
I don't hide it.
You know, I stick to the anonymous part.
But, you know, if there's somebody that needs some help, you know, I try to help them.
I try to live by the principles.
It's hard when you're in traffic, I will say.
That it's either because I'm tired today or I'm just evolving.
I didn't blow my horn or flip anybody off on the way here.
And I'm coming from Sandy Springs, which is a regular daily occurrence.
It's like my litmus test of how emotionally sober I am.
That's one of the things.
But I do.
In all seriousness, I have some of those because it keeps me aware of how emotionally sober I am
and how healthy I am in my sobriety if I'm behaving badly.
If I'm, you know, really leaning heavily on the liabilities side of the chart and not the assets,
then I have to, you know, what I really don't like is reevaluate.
I have to do another fourth and fifth step.
This year, that's a whole other story.
But let's just say a refrigerator organization was involved in the potential end of my relationship.
My self-esteem has improved.
It's hard to be up here.
I am nervous even though I just do it.
That's one of the things, too.
When people volunteer me to do things.
It's hard.
It's hard to do things.
Or my service work bullies, I mean sponsors, tell me to do stuff.
I just do it because I know it's not just for me but it's to help other alcoholics.
And that's really important to me.
I'm less angry by about 10%.
But therapy helps with that, too.
AA is my solution for sobriety and right living.
But I also use other tools as well.
But this is the one.
I'm not going to be like, yeah, I'm going to just go to therapy.
I'm going to just go to church.
Because I did those things before.
And it never clicked.
It's like a triangle, you know.
I need all these pieces in order to stay sober.
I don't have tantrums except in traffic.
I don't try to get even anymore.
And that was like pinky in the brain level.
I was always trying to one-up somebody or be better or show them that I'm smarter than them, win at all costs.
And that's just not my priority.
That's not what's important to me anymore.
And I have to check my mark.
I have to check my motives.
Like almost on a daily basis to, again, be able to determine if, you know, what reasons am I behaving this way?
Or what reasons am I doing this for?
Like I know why I'm doing this.
Now, if I decided not to come, then I would have been like, well, why didn't you go?
Oh, you don't feel well?
Oh, you're tired?
None of that stuff.
I used to make excuses like that for not doing something that I didn't want to do.
But that's not a reason to not do something.
Just because I don't want to do it, that's dumb and immature, which is what I realized in this program.
What AA has taught or given me, I really live for pages 83 to 88.
I read them every day for those first couple years because that's where the answer is for me.
Forgiveness, happiness, humility, love and tolerance.
I give myself the benefit of the doubt now a little more.
It's a work in progress because I have to, you know, try to undo almost 40 years of bad behavior or negative thinking about myself.
So I say I forgive myself because of that.
That's it.
I forgive myself because God can.
So who am I to not forgive myself and God can?
It's like, seriously, who are you?
On page 64 in how it works, it says, resentment is the number one offender.
And it destroys more alcoholics than anything else.
And again, because I come from and live in a place of anger, I have to check that.
And stay on top of it all the time.
So I do meditate when I think about it.
I'm not perfect at it.
And it really helps me.
I think it's like the one thing I don't hear talked about in meetings a lot.
But that meditation piece, even if I could just do it for five minutes, it will save me from cussing at somebody and having a road rage incident.
Because it's my, you know, pause when agitated kind of tool.
How I stay sober now.
Women's meetings.
Book studies.
That was really important in the beginning and I just stick to the basics with that.
I have a whole network of people in the program that I can call, write, text, visit.
Every day, my life is...
It's full of the program.
Even when I don't want it to be.
I have a relationship with my sponsor.
Like I said, I do a lot of service work.
I read AA literature on a regular basis.
Because I'm a big reader.
You know, at first I had to start by doing the stuff that...
Wasn't necessarily easy, but came naturally to me.
If I wasn't a big reader, then I probably wouldn't have taken to the literature.
And if I liked, you know, to go and be social with people, maybe meetings would have been my thing.
But I just did it all because that's what they told me to do.
And I was like, who am I? I don't know.
I go to AA events.
You know, all the round ups.
And I haven't been to any of the girl convention things yet, but...
It's on my list.
Oh, and even when I'm on vacation or when I'm traveling for work, I still go to meetings.
And because I can't take a vacation from my program.
And like some of these vacations, we go on, you know, it's these all-inclusive places.
And everybody is drinking.
And everybody you're with is drinking.
And I just like to...
Well, me and him, we can...
We're our own meeting and inventory collector.
So it kind of works.
Both ways.
But I do.
I go to meetings when I'm out of town.
And I have fun in sobriety.
I wasn't one of those people who felt like my life was going to be over once I started to stop drinking.
And I'm really grateful for that.
So I didn't have to...
Just by design, I stopped hanging out and doing stuff with those people, places, and things that would maybe trigger or activate.
A relapse or just a desire to drink.
But just naturally, I didn't have to stop going to this place because it was hard to be at.
Well, no, that's not true.
Family gatherings.
It was just an excuse.
It's like, oh, I'm putting a boundary between us.
I don't want to spend Thanksgiving with you.
I'm just kidding.
No, seriously.
Boundaries aren't important.
Even, you know, with your family, with my family, and people that are closest to me.
Because it helps me and it helps them.
And, again, the book told me and the program taught me how to do that in a loving and tolerant way and not a punitive, selfish way.
And just to finish, my favorite part in the book is on...
Page 83 in the action.
We should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile or scraping.
As God's people, we stand on our feet.
We don't crawl before anyone.
And I figure if I take that approach to almost any situation, then everything is going to work out how it's supposed to.
And the promises.
You know, they're real.
But they don't happen all the time and all at once.
And they aren't, for me, they aren't extravagant.
It's just, you know, stuff that I wanted, you know, growing up and didn't have and I turned to alcohol to get.
So sometimes quickly, sometimes very, very slowly.
30 years later, it will materialize if we work for them.
That's all I got.
Thanks for letting me share.
.
.
This song goes out to 12-steppers all around the world, as well as to those who have gone before us and those who may be on their way.
They say it works when you work it, you know.
And that we can only keep what we have by giving it away.
Check it out.
Okay, this song is going to help you with your evolution.
Only if you're sick and tired of the pollution.
The steps that we take are all about solutions.
They will even help you make your restitution.
The steps can eliminate the negativity and at the same time accentuate the positivity.
You may even comprehend the word serenity.
Now we're going to take the steps to our best ability.
And the very first step is about a surrender.
And you may even be a first-time offender.
Or you may be coming back from your last bender.
But welcome to the club, you still can be a member.
And step two, that's the power that restores sanity.
It's greater than yourself, it's not about your vanity.
Don't forget about the pain that brought you calamity.
Now you owe it to yourself to take responsibility.
When we get to step three, it's time to make a decision.
For our will and lives to undergo a revision.
No longer do we have to feel a sense of division.
We're on our new journey, so watch out for collisions.
Steps one, two, and three helps you build a foundation.
.
But don't forget to cancel all reservations.
Welcome to your new life, here's your invitation.
But more will be revealed, what a revelation.
We take a step to learn to free our minds.
We practice principles so we can redesign.
We keep it real simple, just a day at a time.
We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine.
It's a natural high, and that's a matter of fact.
We know deep inside there's nothing we lack.
We live in the moment, cause that's where it's at.
It works when you work it, so keep coming back.
Step four is where you're going to take your inventory.
Now we're looking for the truth, not for fame and glory.
Just put it down on paper, there's no need to worry.
It won't be very long before you tell your story.
And step five, take your fourth step and share it with another.
Chances are you did some harm to your sister and your brother.
The same thing goes for your father and your mother.
Now we're living in the light, we're not hiding under cover.
Step six is how we deal with our character defects.
No longer are we twisted, now we're coming correct.
We're building character and we can feel the effect.
Now we have a second chance to get ready, get set.
In the seventh step we learn about humility.
We recognize our shortcomings and we find stability.
But we gotta keep it real and keep it in reality.
That's why we take the steps to our best ability.
We take the steps we learn to free our minds.
We practice principles so we can read the signs.
We keep it real simple just a day at a time.
We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine.
It's a natural high and that's a matter of fact.
We know deep inside there's nothing we lack.
We live in the moment, cause that's where it's at.
It works when you work it, so keep coming back.
In step eight we make a list of the ones we did harm to.
We're cleaning up the past cause it's something we must do.
It takes willingness and we suggest we follow through.
What you about to do is gonna change your point of view.
Now in the ninth step it's time to mend some fences.
We step up to the plate about our past offenses.
If we're gonna make it right we drop all the fences.
By now we have begun to regain our senses.
The tenth step is all about the application.
So that we can learn to face any situation.
Remember that it's not about a graduation.
You know the tenth step is really a continuation.
In step eleven we begin to practice meditation.
It guides us through the world like a navigation.
And we're not afraid to ask for the inspiration.
But we gotta keep it moving, there's no hesitation.
In step twelve we practice principles in all our affairs.
We try to be of help especially when we share.
Now we're living consciously, we are awake and aware.
So take this message to another, let them know that you care.
We take the steps to learn to free our minds.
We practice principles so we can redesign.
We keep it real simple just a day at a time.
We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine.
It's a natural high and that's a matter of fact.
We know deep inside there's nothing we lack.
We live in the moment cause that's where it's at.
It works when you work it so keep coming back.
So there you have it, steps one through twelve.
Remember you don't have to step alone.
We step together one day at a time.
And no matter what, we keep coming back.
So until the next time, peace in, peace out.
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