I Was Looking for the One Religion That Would Let Me Be a Complete A**hole and Still Get Into Heaven 😂 – Sterling H.

About This Speaker Tape

Sterling H. shares his journey from a chronically self-centered kid growing up in the South Bronx to a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous with decades of sobriety since June 2, 1981. Born Sterling David Holmes III, he describes expecting the world to revolve around him from childhood, comparing his project-dwelling family to TV families like Leave It to Beaver, and discovering at 13 that a tall can of Colt 45 made him feel fearless. His drinking progressed through his teens in New York City, causing his mother sleepless nights, until he joined the Air Force at 19 — a "big gang" that provided the income, shelter, and meals his alcoholism needed to bloom.

The military sent him to treatment in the Philippines after his commander gave him an ultimatum, but Sterling went through the motions without taking it personally. Back on base, he reluctantly attended his first AA meeting, suspicious of the prayers, the basket, and the inexplicable happiness of its members. He spent his first five years going to meetings but not truly working the program, collecting home groups across military postings from Florida to Japan to Illinois. At five years sober, miserable and nearly suicidal, he finally asked a man named Reggie to sponsor him — after Reggie made him say "please" in a Village Inn booth.

Reggie's unorthodox sponsorship transformed Sterling. Told to mow the lawn instead of fix his marriage, told to wear a shirt and tie, told to stop lying — Sterling resisted every instruction but followed them anyway out of desperation. His first marriage ended at ten years sober, but the fellowship carried him through with the reminder that he was not the only man ever divorced in AA. He remarried, continued in service, and watched the promises materialize: his daughter, whom he had once criticized and dropped as an infant, graduated valedictorian and publicly thanked him for his kindness and encouragement.

Sterling closes with a parable about a man who tears up a map of the world for his child to reassemble, and the child solves it by putting the picture of the man together on the other side. That, he says, is what AA did for him — put the man together so the world came together. He credits the old-timers, the newcomers, the service work, and above all, the relentless love of the fellowship for teaching him how to act his way into a new way of thinking.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sterling introduces himself, shares sobriety date of June 2, 1981, and his home group Fox Hall in Bellevue, Nebraska
• 3:00 Encourages newcomers — the real heroes of AA are the ones mopping floors and making coffee, not the speakers
• 6:00 Born Sterling David Holmes III, expected to get a country to run — childhood resentments and self-centeredness from the start
• 10:00 Growing up in the South Bronx projects, Catholic school, comparing his family to TV families — it's the thinking, not the drinking
• 15:00 First drink at 13, a Colt 45 in the South Bronx — felt like Jesse Jackson, Reggie Jackson, and Michael Jackson combined
• 22:00 Joins the Air Force at 19, alcoholism blooms with steady income and housing — underage drinking in Monterey, waking up in Sapporo
• 30:00 Military sends him to treatment in the Philippines, he goes through the motions without taking it personally
• 37:00 First real AA meeting — suspicious of the prayers, the happiness, and Big George's hugs, but secretly attracted
• 45:00 Five years sober and miserable — asks Reggie to sponsor him at Village Inn, Reggie makes him say please and wear a shirt and tie
• 55:00 Daughter graduates valedictorian and thanks him for kindness — closes with the puzzle parable about putting the man together