I Was Brought Up in an Alcoholic Home with No Alcohol in It – George M.
About This Speaker Tape
George M., a touring keyboardist with a December 15, 2006 sobriety date and around 17 years sober, speaks at the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club. He frames himself as a real alcoholic who has had multiple stretches of sobriety, including a first run of fourteen years, and credits an Akron sponsor with the line that it is simpler to just be an alcoholic. He grew up in what he calls an alcoholic home with no alcohol in it: his father, a top Georgia Tech aeronautics graduate from the streets of New Jersey, never drank but had a violent temper that broke furniture, while both grandfathers were alcoholic. Born in Fort Worth, raised in Orlando and Atlanta, he was a piano prodigy by age five.
By junior high, integration-era school chaos and a Roswell party where he smoked his first joint laced with powdered THC opened the door. He drank his way through Georgia State's piano performance program, never graduated, and worked at Rhythm City music store before touring as keyboardist for Peebo Bryson, getting a personal compliment from Miles Davis, and playing for the Prince of Brunei during the 96 Olympics. A long relationship with a woman he calls Alice, a cocaine addict he repeatedly drove to GMHI, ended years before she ran cocaine, climbed into a car in heavy rain, and killed a Marietta police officer and her husband while their 18-month-old sat in the back seat. She received 35 years; even that horror did not stop his drinking.
In his thirties he moved from beer to liquor and settled into Cafe 290 in Sandy Springs, playing five nights a week and partying until 7 a.m. He met his future wife there. She had been arrested 18 times and spent the first six months of their relationship in jail; her son with Asperger's once announced at a restaurant that she was not supposed to be drinking. They married, and after she relapsed 15 times in three years he got divorced and almost drank again, recognizing he had made her his Higher Power. Five years into sobriety a colonoscopy doctor asked if he drank heavily because anesthesia would not keep him under, and he was diagnosed with diabetes from the sugary mocktails he had been pounding nightly.
Today he treats sobriety as a lease from his Higher Power that can be revoked if he stops working the steps, sponsoring others, and showing up. He distinguishes needing AA from wanting it, and says it took him many years and several relapses to want it. He closes grateful that, by the grace of his Higher Power and the program of AA, he is still sober and still able to walk into rooms where alcohol is served and do his job.
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Timestamps
Full Transcript
My name is Misty and I'm an alcoholic.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club,
where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year more sobriety tells his or her story.
This reading is based on a passage from...
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club,
where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year more sobriety tells his or her story.
This reading is based on a passage from...
My name is Misty and I'm an alcoholic.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club,
where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year more sobriety tells his or her story.
This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Each individual in our own personal stories describes in their own language
and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God.
These give a fair cross-cut section of our membership
and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives.
We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste.
Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight
and listening later on aabloochipspeakers.org desperately in need
will hear this story.
We believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems
that any of us shall be persuaded to say,
yes, I am one of them too and I must have this thing.
So I always get excited to introduce the best-dressed man in the room.
And all the way from easy 1-2-3 group is George M.
Alright, good evening everybody.
My name is George M.
And I am an alcoholic.
Hi George.
I'd like to thank Lisa for inviting me and Misty for introducing me today.
The last time I told my story was up in North Georgia
and they gave me 15 minutes to tell my story.
My sobriety date is 12-15 of 2006.
I guess I'm coming up on something like 17 years of sobriety.
I'm not a one white chick wonder as they say.
I've had other periods of sobriety.
At one point I had 14 years.
And that was the first 14.
Then I turned 15.
No, but I've had a couple other periods of sobriety since this time.
So one of the first sponsors I had,
I'd like to kind of start off by saying, yeah, I'm an alcoholic.
And I could also say I'm this and I'm also this and I'm also that.
So I have sponsors.
I have a sponsor that when I first came into CA,
which is another one of the programs, and that doesn't stand for Coca-Cola.
I think people know what that is.
But I had a great sponsor.
And he was from Akron, Ohio, actually, where Bill Wilson was from.
He knew the broker well.
But what he suggested to me was that, he said, you know,
it's just a lot easier just being an alcoholic.
You know, if I'm this and I'm that.
You know.
I know a lot of us, and I can speak for myself, tend to complicate things.
And it's easy to do or feel like, you know, it's unique.
But if I'm too many different things.
This is for me.
Everybody's welcome to call themselves whatever they like, obviously.
But, you know, for me, if it's just too many things, it could be, yeah,
this doesn't apply, maybe that doesn't apply.
So I found from my experience just, you know, just being an alcoholic is a lot easier.
You know, at that point I can get it.
You know, what they talk about.
It's not in the book.
You know, as an alcoholic.
And, of course, this works for a lot of different things.
So, also, I believe I earned a seat in Al-Anon.
I do occasionally go there and went there for some years.
Seemed like I have a proclivity to rescue people, particularly damsels in distress.
But I'm somewhat colorblind when it comes to the relationships I've had
where most people see red flags, I see a green light.
You know?
And I've gotten in some situations.
Most of the time, the long-term relationships I've had have been just like the date that never ended.
If you wanted to call it a date.
So.
So, I am a musician by trade.
I do work around alcohol.
I don't like to necessarily brag about that.
I have a friend of mine would say, don't get cocky with sobriety.
And to me that, I know from bitter experience, you know, it could be easy to do that.
It's like, well, you know, I've worked around this.
I've been sober for a while.
Yada, yada, yada.
Next thing you know, Jed's a millionaire.
But, you know, you're drunk.
You're drunk again.
So.
But I do work around alcohol.
I do feel like I need to be vigilant.
And it's really not that difficult, I don't believe.
I mean, I'm there to do something.
I mean, it talks in our book, you know, we can go anywhere a free man can go.
And, you know, by the grace of God and the program of AA, I'm able to do what I've done for many, many years
and can continue to do that.
So.
So, a little back.
They talk about talking about generally what we used to, what our life was like, what happened
and what it's like now.
I'll try to do that best I can.
So, I was born in Fort Worth, Texas.
My father just had graduated from Georgia Tech.
Now, he was a top honors graduate in aeronautics at Georgia Tech.
Top 5% of his class.
The man never had a drop of alcohol in his life.
And he had the worst temper of anybody I've ever experienced.
Just a horrid temper.
And so, and my mom was just the absolute opposite, just the opposite.
My story was I was raised by Hitler and Mother Teresa.
That's kind of how that went.
My dad was a good hearted guy, but he was brought up in the streets of New Jersey back in the 30s.
And I imagine that was a pretty rough area.
And, you know, I've come to believe because of what's happened in my situation
and what I've heard in other places that alcoholism is a family illness.
Because for me, I feel like, some people could argue with this, I guess,
but that I was brought up in an alcoholic home with no alcohol in it.
So, my father, what my mother and father did have in common was both of their parents were alcoholic.
My mother would talk about, she was from Alabama.
And once again, my dad from New Jersey, just complete culture shock.
They met here in Atlanta when my dad was going to Georgia Tech.
But again, my mother would talk about her father would embarrass them because she was a town drunk.
They'd go downtown to the place they lived in Anniston, Alabama, and see their father fall down drunk.
My dad...
My dad somewhat denied that his father was a drunk, but my mother said he had a drinking problem,
as did all my father's brothers.
So, you know, it's kind of strange.
Like I say, I didn't really grow up around that in my home.
Although my father had his brother come down to work with him,
and his brother was an alcoholic and smoked cigarettes.
I remember as a kid,
seeing him, it's like, how can people be addicted to anything?
You know, it's like, how can they just not stop doing something?
I had a very curious mind, I think, you know.
Well, those who like to play with meth, like to play with fire, just curiosity, you know.
It's going to kill the cat most times, so.
But it just didn't make sense to me.
And so, I think I had something in the back of my mind that wanted to find out what it was like to be addicted.
I know that sounds bizarre, but...
So, at any rate, I was born in Fort Worth.
We were there for about a year.
And it's strange, because they call...
I found out some years ago, they call Fort Worth the Piano City.
Which is not what you'd expect of Fort Worth, Texas.
Apparently, Ben Clyburn, who was big in the classical world, was born there.
So, anyway, we were there for a year.
We moved to Orlando.
I'll try to make this quick.
My father went to work for me.
Went to work for Martin Marietta in Florida.
We were there for about five years.
At that time, my brother was born a year after I was.
He had a twin that died at birth.
And it was kind of odd, because my mother was...
You know, went through pregnancy, and that happened.
They lost my brother's twin at birth.
And then my aunt just happened to see a mole on her back.
And it turned out to be...
malignant melanoma.
And you would think, you know, with a pregnancy, you're going through doctor's exams.
A lot of the doctors would have picked up on it, but they didn't.
So, anyway, they ended up taking a section of her back out like a basketball.
I mean, it was radical surgery.
And at that time, a lot of people died from melanoma.
And she survived it.
She actually had cancer all through her life.
And she somehow or another survived until almost 80.
She was 80 years old.
So, yeah, I thought I forgot that.
Thank you.
So, I can't imagine what my parents went through.
You know, some of the traumas.
Sometimes, as a kid, you pick up on traumas that your parents go through.
From what I understand.
You know, so that must have been really something to go...
They were picking out places for us to go move.
Because they really didn't think my mother was going to make it.
So, anyway, she did survive.
I was about five, and she decided to take piano lessons.
There was a lady who had retired from Juilliard who was giving her lessons.
And for some reason, I just begged her for piano lessons.
I just was such a passion for piano.
And so, she asked her teacher about that.
And she said, well, he's a little too young.
And she gave him some flash cards.
She said, bring him back in a couple of months.
When and if he learns it.
So, I learned them in a couple of weeks.
And so, I mean, to me, it's like I almost could just play piano.
It just made sense to me.
And so, she was pretty enamored with my talents.
And unfortunately, my dad decided to move to Georgia about a year later.
And the teacher was pretty upset about that.
And so, we moved to Atlanta.
I don't know if my dad went to work for Lockheed.
I think he went to work for Lockheed.
At any rate,
he at some point decided to get out of aeronautics and go in the building,
which was, in my mind, was a big mistake.
Because the financial stress, all these things.
His abusive side started to come out.
He started to get very physically abusive.
So, you know, by the end of my story,
I'm hoping to convince you that my alcoholism is really my mom and dad's fault.
So, I heard a guy say,
you know, it was like an A.A. comedian.
There's some comedians, if you look online,
there's some guys that are almost comedian level.
But he said he was blaming his parents for that, his alcoholism.
He goes, do you know what kind of mad scientist it would take to make an alcoholic?
It's just beyond their skill set, you know.
But for a lot of years, I certainly blamed my dad.
He was very physically abusive.
Again, like I say, although a real good man, he provided.
And, you know, he wasn't a drunk.
But he sure acted like it.
I mean, he'd break up furniture.
We'd be afraid of what kind of mood he'd be in when he came home.
It was like living with an alcoholic.
And so, on to, like, my elementary school years were pretty tame.
I think I was a pretty good student.
Probably above.
They did tests back then for intelligence tests.
And they didn't tell the students.
But they told the parents, you know.
My mother, I think, said you're above average.
You know, and like we hear in AA, or you hear that most alcoholics are above average intelligence.
And you'll never hear that in Al-Anon.
But that does seem to be the case.
But anyway, my grades, one through six, I think I was a pretty good student.
Once I hit seven.
In seventh grade, it was another, it was a different level.
Back then, it was junior high.
And all of a sudden, there was a lot of fighting going on.
Integration had just started happening.
They started busting people in from other parts of the town.
I saw a teacher dragged down the hall by her hair.
So, it was kind of crazy.
And I wasn't really getting in a lot of trouble then.
I went on to eighth grade.
It was the first year they had middle schools.
And we tore.
That school was a shreds.
I don't know why.
It just seemed the thing to do.
Started acting up.
I know the first day I was there, a friend of mine put an iron in the dryer in the home ec class.
And turned it on.
Just, you know, for the behavior.
Just, you know, wanting to get in trouble.
Rebelling, all that stuff.
At the end of eighth grade, a friend of mine had a party.
And every freak you could think of was at that party.
I mean, it was long hair.
The first joint I smoked.
I'm sorry.
My story has a little bit.
I'll try to keep it short.
I'll try to keep it on alcohol.
But the first joint I smoked, it had powdered THC in it.
And so, you know, there was booze there, drugs.
Just everything.
Just bring it on.
You know.
I was out in Santa Barbara.
And I went to a meeting.
There was a guy there I met who actually got busted for the largest drug bust in Southern California.
He came up to me.
I led the meeting when I was there.
And he had a book and stuff.
And his story was, he said, you know,
his gateway drug was nicotine.
And I'm pretty sure that's the way it was for me, too.
That's kind of where it started for me, you know.
You know, that addiction that I was so curious about.
So, in the eighth grade, man, we're partying.
It's on.
Ninth grade, I walked in the first day, man, going to the boys' bathroom.
And it's, you know, dope being sold.
People smoking.
And then, um, LaTanzi, the big,
I mean, vice principal, came in.
Victor Vagnetto, who just sounds like a troublemaker, was smoking.
And LaTanzi had a clipboard in his hand, just smashed him in the face with it.
And he said, your dad said if you act up, he'll beat the hell out of you.
So, it was just a crazy time, you know.
It's like, there were just all kinds of drugs going around.
I'm sure my parents had no idea.
I, at that time, I started playing football.
Um, and then quit about six months later.
I wanted to be in a band, because I played keyboards and stuff.
And so, um, I put a band together.
We're rehearsing downstairs.
We're just having people coming over.
And for some reason, my parents thought it was okay for us to drink at that age.
Like, I guess they didn't see any harm in it.
And, um, I got into the first nightclub when I was 15 years old.
Um, the guys that played in the band I was with were a good four or five years older.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And me, some of them.
So, and that's what I liked hanging out with.
I didn't want to hang out with ninth graders.
You know, I wanted to be up with the cool people.
The older people skipped over that whole thing, you know.
So, um, I don't know how I graduated.
I mean, high school, um, I think I got favor a lot of times just because I played, like, in high school and stuff.
Or junior high, I'd win a talent show.
And I remember one seventh grade teacher said, I'm glad to see you have some redeeming qualities.
So, you know, that was, you know, finally did graduate, um, high school.
And, you know, at that point I was drinking alcoholically, but I didn't have what we talk about as a phenomenon of craving.
If you're new here, uh, our book talks about part of the illness of alcoholism is that we have a craving for it.
Well, based on the amount that we were drinking, we'd drink on the weekends and put cases of beer away.
And, you know, it was not really.
It wasn't really that big a deal.
Mostly it was like we could, um, brag about it Monday morning.
Well, hey, we drank three cases this weekend.
You know, so that went on and went on.
I, I did graduate, uh, high school by the skin of my teeth.
Just barely got out of high school.
I went, uh, stayed out of school for a year.
I went on the road with a, a disco band from Philly and did that.
And again, the drinking, you know, it's, it's.
It started to escalate.
We're partying.
Uh, you know, we want to party like a rock star.
Um, and I decided that wasn't what I wanted to do.
I went back to college and this was the thing for me.
It started happening, um, is this dual kind of lifestyle.
I mean, once on one hand, I was a, a well-trained classical pianist, you know, respected for that kind of thing on the other.
I'm out here partying like a rock star, you know, and I'm hoping those two worlds.
Um, wouldn't collide and people find out about that and, you know, I had to get a reputation for it, you know, so, um, so I did all that.
And, um, you know, I, I didn't graduate high school.
I went to Georgia state for five years and piano performance degree, and they had some complication.
I was playing five nights a week, um, with a group called the wits and players here from Atlanta.
Um, and I couldn't go.
They had concert attendance.
They wanted you to attend other students.
Um, and I couldn't go.
I couldn't go to concerts and stuff, so I couldn't do that.
And so I couldn't, couldn't graduate.
I had 180 hours and that's where the efforts started happening.
You know what?
F this, you know, I want to go do what I want to go do.
And so I dropped out of school and went to work at a music store here in Atlanta, a place called rhythm city.
It was just a nut house.
I mean, we're doing stuff during the day back in the, you know, story.
And so I started going to school and then I went to the purchasing m__, uh, F and water m__ scene.
And a friend of mine was a boomerang house employee at the time, um, and as I continued
to noisy, I figured out how to get life style at home, right?
And so that was just getting along.
And when I was sort of traveling along, I had, uh, around twelve, maybe an hour or two to
enjoy a rich quiet born stage at the time.
and then he said, you know what?
We're, we're, we're not in a good state.
He said, well, we're, uh, concert.
We're good.
We're stuff.
restaurant on
Northside Drive, I think it was.
And so I'm playing
and this guy comes up and lays
a rail out on the piano
while I'm playing. I was like, what is this?
It just turned
into, he had a real
good looking girl with him and
he was a strange guy but
and we ended up going back
over to his house place over
at Powers Ferry. He had two big huge
grand pianos there. A lot of money.
He had inherited a lot of money
or something but
anyway, all that to say there was a girl
I met there. My name is George Martin
which is really the Beatles producer
and so
this guy told
I'm going to use a
different name, Alice, that I was
George Martin's here and she thought it was
the Beatles producer so
she came over and
so you know
once again that was
a date that never
ended and
this one had a
horrific
a horrific cocaine problem
so we were together for three or four years
she'd be gone for a week
at a time
just not know where she's at
she'd come back home
and I'd end up taking her
to GMHI
it was a mess
and that's
those were the kind of relationship I got hooked into
and
you know finally that
after about four years she went through rehab
came back the whole time I was
drinking and carrying on myself
it's like I went to Al-Anon
I mean really the first meeting I ever went to was Al-Anon
and I'm sitting there going why am I here
this is not my problem
you know this is her problem
and so
you know I continued on with that
that relationship fell apart like
of course a lot of drug addicted ones do and stuff and so
a couple years after
I'll try to
I get emotional when I tell this but
a couple years after we broke up I remember coming home
my addiction had really
had kind of started to take off
I moved into drinking liquor in my thirties
before that it was beer maybe a shot or something but
I started really
putting it in high gear with the drinking and drugging
once we broke up and so I'd come home that night
and I remember I was so messed up I fell on my knees
I'm going God please
give me something
you know to help me stop doing what I'm doing
and so
it was strange the next day
my mother called and said
she had seen in the paper
that Alice had
hit and killed two people
sorry just a second
so she had
I get more upset for the people she killed than for her but
she had just run up cocaine
and got in the car
and
it was raining real bad
and I remember the night it was raining real bad
and she hit a truck
the vehicle off that truck and hit this car
and it killed the
driver
and his wife who was a Marietta police officer
that had just come home from church
and
they had an 18 month old baby
in the backseat to look through
just a horrible
horrible thing I saw on TV that night
and
you know thinking about it was
it didn't stop me from drinking
I just continued to drink after that
as horrible as that was
they sent us
they sent us
they sent us
to
35 years in jail
the parents of the
of the family
of the couple they killed
said we're going to
be in every hearing you got
to make sure you don't get out
and
I don't know why
for whatever reason
it didn't stop my drinking
so I
just essentially continue with that
I
I
got to the point
I think where I tried to get out of the music business
and try to do a day job
I got a job
believe it or not for a one nine hundred number company
if anybody remembers things
I was the audio engineer
for that one nine hundred
number company
It's like oh my God
I was making about 50 grand a year at that time
which was a lot
back in whatever
early nineties I guess
and
I was still you know
drugging and drinking
You know, I couldn't get two nickels to rub together, living at home with my parents,
even making pretty good money, you know, and stuff.
And so that went on for about a year and a half, and I finally got out of that thing
and then started working some other jobs.
And, you know, I mean, it just got to the point where I was unemployable.
I know I'm leaving some things out here.
Oh, before all that, I had, you know, I've had some great, great accomplishments in the music business.
I was, I ended up being the touring keyboardist for Peebo Bryson back, I'm trying to think when that was,
maybe the mid to late 80s.
And I did that for several years, recorded several albums with them.
So I had some real high points in my career, but I'm pretty sure alcohol kind of sucked.
Sucked away a lot of that stuff, you know.
I had actually, I was in a place, I was playing in California with Peebo.
I walked downstairs right afterward and walked right into Miles Davis and Cicely Tyson.
And Peebo had introduced me, and Miles shook my hand so he enjoyed my playing,
which is a pretty rare compliment, you know.
So, you know, along these things, like I say with the music business, the highs and lows,
I played for the Prince of Brunei, the richest man in the world.
During the 96 Olympics, I was asked to play for them twice.
And then, you know, like I said, but all along, and actually I was sober at that time.
I had about a year and a half sober in CA.
And I remember, because I was asked to play for them,
they were staying at a place in Marietta, the Prince and Princess of Brunei.
And I was worried they'd want to have a toast with me.
I was sober at that time.
And so it turned out that drinking was,
was against their religion.
So, you know, a lot of these worries that we have during sobriety, this is going to happen.
You know, so I've had a lot of great things happen in the music business,
but I got to the point where I was just unemployable.
You know, I had to get out of the music business.
I started working music stores.
You know, I'd get fired from one, go work in another one.
Just that kind of went on and on and on.
And the drinking was escalating.
And, you know, the thing about it is I went,
I was thought because cocaine was a heavier drug that that's really what my problem was.
I stayed sober.
And like I said, see, I had a great sponsor in CA.
He had taken me through the steps.
I was starting to sponsor other guys.
And then I get a call to play in Buckhead, a place called Rupert's in Buckhead.
And so, let's see, partying my ass off or say something.
It's just, you know, I'd let it get attractive again.
And went back out for another year and a half or so.
Then came back in to AA for about a year after that.
And then it took me 10 years to get back.
And there was a whole lot of partying in between.
And I remember when I went back out one time, I knew a guy.
His last name was actually LeCocq, believe it or not.
I hope nobody knows who that is.
But I met him and he'd gone out and I'd gone out.
I ran into him somewhere.
He goes, yeah, I'm not going to meetings anymore, but I'm still practicing those principles.
And then about a month later, I saw him on TV.
He was being arrested for running guns.
And they put him away.
So, you know, it's just insane.
You know, just what we do is just insane, you know.
So, it's taken me, you know, a few times.
I mean, our book talks about that.
It says, you know, 75% of the people that come in and really try, not just 75% of people who come in,
but 75% of people who come in and really try, which in my mind means getting a spot.
And we're working the steps.
75% of those people will recover.
I think those numbers are probably still true today.
You know, people just come in and do what's suggested here.
I was probably one that they talked about.
Those who didn't would come back after a period of time and then they'd get it, you know, and stuff.
And so, you know, for me, it's like I look at my sobriety as it's unleashed from God.
Um...
If I don't live up to the...
to the terms of my lease agreement, my sobriety could be taken away.
Because I've had that happen before.
I mean, you know, I sometimes hear, and I'm sure other people do,
you know, AA is for people who want it, not for people who need it.
And I knew I needed it for quite a long time,
and I never stayed around long enough to really find out what it's like to want AA.
You know, for me, that took a while.
And I remember I was in, when I first had some sobriety in CA,
I was getting to the point I was sponsoring guys,
and part of the reason I used to go out was,
well, these guys won't do what I'm telling them to do.
You know, and it's true, unfortunately, a lot of times, you know,
there's a high percentage, unfortunately, of people that come in
and just don't do what's suggested.
And to me, I heard a guy tell his story once and said,
introduced himself, of course, as a real alcoholic.
And he said, what I mean by a real alcoholic is someone that has to do
the 12 steps to stay sober.
And because, I mean, I've known other people that I've known in the rooms and stuff,
and they'll come in and get sober for a while,
and then they'll, maybe they'll end up in the church and getting involved in other things,
and they'll come in and get sober for a while, and then they'll end up in the church and getting involved in other things,
and stuff, you know.
So, to me, that's a different kind of alcoholic than me.
This stuff is just my opinion.
You know, some may agree or may not, but
today I know what I need to do to stay sober.
You know, and fortunately, that's turned into a want.
Because as long as I stay in this,
you know, I still keep getting the promises,
and, yeah, I've been through some difficult times with sobriety, I can tell you that.
But, when I came in, you know, I don't really even know that I came in for myself.
You know, people say you can't get sober for somebody else.
I'm calling BS on that.
I mean, ultimately, when things fall apart, that's a different, it's a slippery slope.
So, I met a, in my 30s, I started hanging out at a place called Cafe 290 in Sandy Springs,
and then I was there for six nights.
You know, the guy who owned the place was a friend of mine, or is a friend of mine.
They let us stay there until 7 in the morning.
And so, my thinking was, is like, you know what, the cops aren't looking for DUIs at 7.30 in the morning.
It just made sense to me.
I mean, I'm playing at night.
I wouldn't have to get up until 4 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know, I'd go play my gig, get off at 12, and then party until 7 o'clock in the morning.
I did that for...
From my 30s on up to when I got sober, 46, I guess.
I mean, five nights a week.
And I had one point where my mother worked at a chiropractic school here,
and I used to get adjusted for about three bucks.
And unfortunately, one of the students ruptured a disc in my back.
Put me on a commission for eight, nine months.
And you know what, the people I'm hanging out with, not one called.
But these are the people I'm hanging out with every night of the week, you know, and nobody called.
And so, of course, once I got healed up, it was kind of bad.
It took me nine months just about to get back on my feet.
My landlord let me slide on rent for four years, I think.
I mean, some of the stuff that happens to us, I believed in God when I got here
because of some of the stuff that I was...
I say got away with it, I really didn't.
But, I mean, my life was crazy that I, you know, only have one DUI.
I was drunk on the road every night.
I mean, not just drunk, but high on, you know.
And so I don't know how that happened.
But I feel like, you know, something was out there protecting me during those times.
And so that wasn't too much of a stretch for me when they started, you know,
a power greater than yourself, you know, that kind of thing.
So, but it was just a crazy lifestyle.
So I went into Cafe 290 and saw this girl bouncing around in there like a pinball machine.
And so, again, this ended up on a date that never ended.
At the end of the night, they're kicking us out and she's coming home with me.
And I'm not going to get graphic with any of this stuff, so don't worry about it.
But if somebody had told me that I was going to end up being my wife that night,
I was going to be like, you've got to be kidding me.
So we were together for, let's see, 12 years.
You know, I was, I got, I had decided when we were dating that either I needed to get rid of her
or I needed to get sober again.
You know, it's funny.
It wasn't funny.
She had a son that was special needs.
He has Asperger's.
So we go out to eat and, of course, we're ordering drinks and he just yells out,
she's not supposed to be drinking because she'd been arrested 18 times.
There's a few people here that know who I'm talking about.
I'm not going to use names or anything else, you know, so out of respect.
But that was a crazy, I mean, this is just another insane, insane relationship.
I got into.
And so the first six months we were together, she was in jail.
So I'm in AA looking for a sponsor, telling them I'm playing music in a bar.
My girlfriend's in jail.
And I need somebody to sponsor me.
There weren't a whole lot of takers.
There were a few people that stepped up to the plate, you know, but it's just insane.
And so we stayed together.
She finally got out of jail and came back home.
She started doing her son's medication as soon as she got out of jail.
It's like, you know what?
Either you get a sponsor, get sober, or get out.
And she did.
She went and got a sponsor.
She got sober.
She sobered up for a good long while.
She did a good job with it.
And her family is just one of these ones with this pill mentality is what I call it.
They have.
They have pills everywhere.
She was a pill addict.
And it was just constant drama.
Just constant, constant drama.
I went to Al-Anon to try to stay out of her business.
It was just really hard to do.
And, of course, we finally got married.
And eventually that whole thing fell apart.
And it was strange because I remember at about 10 years, we're going through some changes and separation and stuff.
And it's like I felt like I was starting over again.
Because I really think she was like a higher power to me.
You know?
I mean, I got married, which I was happy.
You know, I liked being married and stuff.
And, again, we had some good times and stuff.
But once that fell apart and that wasn't there, it was like all of a sudden, man, there wasn't much foundation there.
So, you know, by the grace of God, I have the thought.
It's like, you know, I've either.
I've got to get really back into this program or I'm going to be drunk again.
You know, which is what I think probably she wanted.
She had relapsed 15 times in three years.
And my heart went out to her because she tried to get back up on the wagon or whatever you want to call it.
And I just could not do it.
So we ended up getting divorced.
And, you know, that's a tough thing, man.
So, like I say, I don't know that I completely got sober.
But what I am thankful for is that, by the grace of God, I've been able to stay around here long enough to want this and to want to keep coming back.
And, you know, I mean, our book talks about we trudge the road to a happy destiny.
And it's a trudge.
I believe the meaning of trudge means walking with purpose.
You know, and there's a lot of times, I mean, you know, the efforts get a lot out of us.
You know, just the effort.
And I just know it was kind of weird to me.
It was five years sober before I realized I had diabetes.
And, man, I was drinking these sugary grandma drinks, grandma stuff, like it was water.
Not knowing, you know.
So I had finally got health insurance because my wife at that time, my ex-wife at the time, was working for Kroger.
And so I finally was able to get a colonoscopy.
And I won't get too gross about this.
So they knock you out.
And I wake up in the recovery room.
Now, I'd had five years sober at this time.
And I wake up and the doctor's standing right there.
And this first question to me goes, do you drink a lot?
I said, no, I've been sober five years, thank you very much.
He said, well, we couldn't keep you knocked out.
And that's some head.
That'd be stuff they use.
Right, Lisa?
Although you're Dennis, but I mean, I know you know medical stuff.
But that's some pretty heavy stuff.
So, you know, that gives pause to me.
It's like, you know, people talk about this.
I use the word illness.
I don't use the word disease.
I just, I think there are too many diseases and too many pills to go with them out there today.
But Bill Wilson called it a spiritual illness.
So.
And I forgot where I was going with that.
Listen, I've got a senior moment.
Cohen asked me up.
Thank you.
So, yes.
And so the illness progresses.
Even though I have not been using it, I've had five years sober.
He's asking me that kind of question.
It's like, how can that be?
And that's a really, really heavy drug.
Now, I can drink a lot.
I mean, I was, at the end there, I was.
Probably somewhere in the 25 to 30 drinks a night range.
Something like that.
This is funny because what I heard about six months ago is you can't really impress alcoholics.
You know, that sounds like a lot.
But, you know, the thing is, I have to realize I'm not the worst anything and not the best anything.
You know, I mean, I was going to give that disclaimer when I first started.
I'm a musician, so hang on.
But, you know, I've heard guys that are used cars.
I'm going to have worse stories than I did.
You wouldn't have to be a musician.
You know, being an alcoholic, man, it just takes on some crazy dimensions.
You know, so I guess that's about all I got.
I mean, today, you know, I'm coming up on 17 years sober.
I started drinking when I was 15.
So, you know, if there's any truth to 10 miles in and 10 miles out of the woods, maybe I'm three quarters out.
I don't know.
But, so.
I'm just thankful, you know, to AA, the people, you all.
And by the grace of God, I'm still sober today.
Thank you, George.
I needed that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Because too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
Put the plug in the chuck.
Man, I feel like I've been set free.
I'm not sure, not sure there's a touch of pain enough for nothing to me.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church.
I got a notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NAVA Club,
where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year more sobriety tells his or her story.
This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Each individual in our own personal stories describes in their own language
and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God.
These give a fair cross-cut section of our membership
and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives.
We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste.
Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight
and listening later on aabloochipspeakers.org desperately in need
will hear this story.
We believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems
that any of us shall be persuaded to say,
yes, I am one of them too and I must have this thing.
So I always get excited to introduce the best-dressed man in the room.
And all the way from easy 1-2-3 group is George M.
Alright, good evening everybody.
My name is George M.
And I am an alcoholic.
Hi George.
I'd like to thank Lisa for inviting me and Misty for introducing me today.
The last time I told my story was up in North Georgia
and they gave me 15 minutes to tell my story.
My sobriety date is 12-15 of 2006.
I guess I'm coming up on something like 17 years of sobriety.
I'm not a one white chick wonder as they say.
I've had other periods of sobriety.
At one point I had 14 years.
And that was the first 14.
Then I turned 15.
No, but I've had a couple other periods of sobriety since this time.
So one of the first sponsors I had,
I'd like to kind of start off by saying, yeah, I'm an alcoholic.
And I could also say I'm this and I'm also this and I'm also that.
So I have sponsors.
I have a sponsor that when I first came into CA,
which is another one of the programs, and that doesn't stand for Coca-Cola.
I think people know what that is.
But I had a great sponsor.
And he was from Akron, Ohio, actually, where Bill Wilson was from.
He knew the broker well.
But what he suggested to me was that, he said, you know,
it's just a lot easier just being an alcoholic.
You know, if I'm this and I'm that.
You know.
I know a lot of us, and I can speak for myself, tend to complicate things.
And it's easy to do or feel like, you know, it's unique.
But if I'm too many different things.
This is for me.
Everybody's welcome to call themselves whatever they like, obviously.
But, you know, for me, if it's just too many things, it could be, yeah,
this doesn't apply, maybe that doesn't apply.
So I found from my experience just, you know, just being an alcoholic is a lot easier.
You know, at that point I can get it.
You know, what they talk about.
It's not in the book.
You know, as an alcoholic.
And, of course, this works for a lot of different things.
So, also, I believe I earned a seat in Al-Anon.
I do occasionally go there and went there for some years.
Seemed like I have a proclivity to rescue people, particularly damsels in distress.
But I'm somewhat colorblind when it comes to the relationships I've had
where most people see red flags, I see a green light.
You know?
And I've gotten in some situations.
Most of the time, the long-term relationships I've had have been just like the date that never ended.
If you wanted to call it a date.
So.
So, I am a musician by trade.
I do work around alcohol.
I don't like to necessarily brag about that.
I have a friend of mine would say, don't get cocky with sobriety.
And to me that, I know from bitter experience, you know, it could be easy to do that.
It's like, well, you know, I've worked around this.
I've been sober for a while.
Yada, yada, yada.
Next thing you know, Jed's a millionaire.
But, you know, you're drunk.
You're drunk again.
So.
But I do work around alcohol.
I do feel like I need to be vigilant.
And it's really not that difficult, I don't believe.
I mean, I'm there to do something.
I mean, it talks in our book, you know, we can go anywhere a free man can go.
And, you know, by the grace of God and the program of AA, I'm able to do what I've done for many, many years
and can continue to do that.
So.
So, a little back.
They talk about talking about generally what we used to, what our life was like, what happened
and what it's like now.
I'll try to do that best I can.
So, I was born in Fort Worth, Texas.
My father just had graduated from Georgia Tech.
Now, he was a top honors graduate in aeronautics at Georgia Tech.
Top 5% of his class.
The man never had a drop of alcohol in his life.
And he had the worst temper of anybody I've ever experienced.
Just a horrid temper.
And so, and my mom was just the absolute opposite, just the opposite.
My story was I was raised by Hitler and Mother Teresa.
That's kind of how that went.
My dad was a good hearted guy, but he was brought up in the streets of New Jersey back in the 30s.
And I imagine that was a pretty rough area.
And, you know, I've come to believe because of what's happened in my situation
and what I've heard in other places that alcoholism is a family illness.
Because for me, I feel like, some people could argue with this, I guess,
but that I was brought up in an alcoholic home with no alcohol in it.
So, my father, what my mother and father did have in common was both of their parents were alcoholic.
My mother would talk about, she was from Alabama.
And once again, my dad from New Jersey, just complete culture shock.
They met here in Atlanta when my dad was going to Georgia Tech.
But again, my mother would talk about her father would embarrass them because she was a town drunk.
They'd go downtown to the place they lived in Anniston, Alabama, and see their father fall down drunk.
My dad...
My dad somewhat denied that his father was a drunk, but my mother said he had a drinking problem,
as did all my father's brothers.
So, you know, it's kind of strange.
Like I say, I didn't really grow up around that in my home.
Although my father had his brother come down to work with him,
and his brother was an alcoholic and smoked cigarettes.
I remember as a kid,
seeing him, it's like, how can people be addicted to anything?
You know, it's like, how can they just not stop doing something?
I had a very curious mind, I think, you know.
Well, those who like to play with meth, like to play with fire, just curiosity, you know.
It's going to kill the cat most times, so.
But it just didn't make sense to me.
And so, I think I had something in the back of my mind that wanted to find out what it was like to be addicted.
I know that sounds bizarre, but...
So, at any rate, I was born in Fort Worth.
We were there for about a year.
And it's strange, because they call...
I found out some years ago, they call Fort Worth the Piano City.
Which is not what you'd expect of Fort Worth, Texas.
Apparently, Ben Clyburn, who was big in the classical world, was born there.
So, anyway, we were there for a year.
We moved to Orlando.
I'll try to make this quick.
My father went to work for me.
Went to work for Martin Marietta in Florida.
We were there for about five years.
At that time, my brother was born a year after I was.
He had a twin that died at birth.
And it was kind of odd, because my mother was...
You know, went through pregnancy, and that happened.
They lost my brother's twin at birth.
And then my aunt just happened to see a mole on her back.
And it turned out to be...
malignant melanoma.
And you would think, you know, with a pregnancy, you're going through doctor's exams.
A lot of the doctors would have picked up on it, but they didn't.
So, anyway, they ended up taking a section of her back out like a basketball.
I mean, it was radical surgery.
And at that time, a lot of people died from melanoma.
And she survived it.
She actually had cancer all through her life.
And she somehow or another survived until almost 80.
She was 80 years old.
So, yeah, I thought I forgot that.
Thank you.
So, I can't imagine what my parents went through.
You know, some of the traumas.
Sometimes, as a kid, you pick up on traumas that your parents go through.
From what I understand.
You know, so that must have been really something to go...
They were picking out places for us to go move.
Because they really didn't think my mother was going to make it.
So, anyway, she did survive.
I was about five, and she decided to take piano lessons.
There was a lady who had retired from Juilliard who was giving her lessons.
And for some reason, I just begged her for piano lessons.
I just was such a passion for piano.
And so, she asked her teacher about that.
And she said, well, he's a little too young.
And she gave him some flash cards.
She said, bring him back in a couple of months.
When and if he learns it.
So, I learned them in a couple of weeks.
And so, I mean, to me, it's like I almost could just play piano.
It just made sense to me.
And so, she was pretty enamored with my talents.
And unfortunately, my dad decided to move to Georgia about a year later.
And the teacher was pretty upset about that.
And so, we moved to Atlanta.
I don't know if my dad went to work for Lockheed.
I think he went to work for Lockheed.
At any rate,
he at some point decided to get out of aeronautics and go in the building,
which was, in my mind, was a big mistake.
Because the financial stress, all these things.
His abusive side started to come out.
He started to get very physically abusive.
So, you know, by the end of my story,
I'm hoping to convince you that my alcoholism is really my mom and dad's fault.
So, I heard a guy say,
you know, it was like an A.A. comedian.
There's some comedians, if you look online,
there's some guys that are almost comedian level.
But he said he was blaming his parents for that, his alcoholism.
He goes, do you know what kind of mad scientist it would take to make an alcoholic?
It's just beyond their skill set, you know.
But for a lot of years, I certainly blamed my dad.
He was very physically abusive.
Again, like I say, although a real good man, he provided.
And, you know, he wasn't a drunk.
But he sure acted like it.
I mean, he'd break up furniture.
We'd be afraid of what kind of mood he'd be in when he came home.
It was like living with an alcoholic.
And so, on to, like, my elementary school years were pretty tame.
I think I was a pretty good student.
Probably above.
They did tests back then for intelligence tests.
And they didn't tell the students.
But they told the parents, you know.
My mother, I think, said you're above average.
You know, and like we hear in AA, or you hear that most alcoholics are above average intelligence.
And you'll never hear that in Al-Anon.
But that does seem to be the case.
But anyway, my grades, one through six, I think I was a pretty good student.
Once I hit seven.
In seventh grade, it was another, it was a different level.
Back then, it was junior high.
And all of a sudden, there was a lot of fighting going on.
Integration had just started happening.
They started busting people in from other parts of the town.
I saw a teacher dragged down the hall by her hair.
So, it was kind of crazy.
And I wasn't really getting in a lot of trouble then.
I went on to eighth grade.
It was the first year they had middle schools.
And we tore.
That school was a shreds.
I don't know why.
It just seemed the thing to do.
Started acting up.
I know the first day I was there, a friend of mine put an iron in the dryer in the home ec class.
And turned it on.
Just, you know, for the behavior.
Just, you know, wanting to get in trouble.
Rebelling, all that stuff.
At the end of eighth grade, a friend of mine had a party.
And every freak you could think of was at that party.
I mean, it was long hair.
The first joint I smoked.
I'm sorry.
My story has a little bit.
I'll try to keep it short.
I'll try to keep it on alcohol.
But the first joint I smoked, it had powdered THC in it.
And so, you know, there was booze there, drugs.
Just everything.
Just bring it on.
You know.
I was out in Santa Barbara.
And I went to a meeting.
There was a guy there I met who actually got busted for the largest drug bust in Southern California.
He came up to me.
I led the meeting when I was there.
And he had a book and stuff.
And his story was, he said, you know,
his gateway drug was nicotine.
And I'm pretty sure that's the way it was for me, too.
That's kind of where it started for me, you know.
You know, that addiction that I was so curious about.
So, in the eighth grade, man, we're partying.
It's on.
Ninth grade, I walked in the first day, man, going to the boys' bathroom.
And it's, you know, dope being sold.
People smoking.
And then, um, LaTanzi, the big,
I mean, vice principal, came in.
Victor Vagnetto, who just sounds like a troublemaker, was smoking.
And LaTanzi had a clipboard in his hand, just smashed him in the face with it.
And he said, your dad said if you act up, he'll beat the hell out of you.
So, it was just a crazy time, you know.
It's like, there were just all kinds of drugs going around.
I'm sure my parents had no idea.
I, at that time, I started playing football.
Um, and then quit about six months later.
I wanted to be in a band, because I played keyboards and stuff.
And so, um, I put a band together.
We're rehearsing downstairs.
We're just having people coming over.
And for some reason, my parents thought it was okay for us to drink at that age.
Like, I guess they didn't see any harm in it.
And, um, I got into the first nightclub when I was 15 years old.
Um, the guys that played in the band I was with were a good four or five years older.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And me, some of them.
So, and that's what I liked hanging out with.
I didn't want to hang out with ninth graders.
You know, I wanted to be up with the cool people.
The older people skipped over that whole thing, you know.
So, um, I don't know how I graduated.
I mean, high school, um, I think I got favor a lot of times just because I played, like, in high school and stuff.
Or junior high, I'd win a talent show.
And I remember one seventh grade teacher said, I'm glad to see you have some redeeming qualities.
So, you know, that was, you know, finally did graduate, um, high school.
And, you know, at that point I was drinking alcoholically, but I didn't have what we talk about as a phenomenon of craving.
If you're new here, uh, our book talks about part of the illness of alcoholism is that we have a craving for it.
Well, based on the amount that we were drinking, we'd drink on the weekends and put cases of beer away.
And, you know, it was not really.
It wasn't really that big a deal.
Mostly it was like we could, um, brag about it Monday morning.
Well, hey, we drank three cases this weekend.
You know, so that went on and went on.
I, I did graduate, uh, high school by the skin of my teeth.
Just barely got out of high school.
I went, uh, stayed out of school for a year.
I went on the road with a, a disco band from Philly and did that.
And again, the drinking, you know, it's, it's.
It started to escalate.
We're partying.
Uh, you know, we want to party like a rock star.
Um, and I decided that wasn't what I wanted to do.
I went back to college and this was the thing for me.
It started happening, um, is this dual kind of lifestyle.
I mean, once on one hand, I was a, a well-trained classical pianist, you know, respected for that kind of thing on the other.
I'm out here partying like a rock star, you know, and I'm hoping those two worlds.
Um, wouldn't collide and people find out about that and, you know, I had to get a reputation for it, you know, so, um, so I did all that.
And, um, you know, I, I didn't graduate high school.
I went to Georgia state for five years and piano performance degree, and they had some complication.
I was playing five nights a week, um, with a group called the wits and players here from Atlanta.
Um, and I couldn't go.
They had concert attendance.
They wanted you to attend other students.
Um, and I couldn't go.
I couldn't go to concerts and stuff, so I couldn't do that.
And so I couldn't, couldn't graduate.
I had 180 hours and that's where the efforts started happening.
You know what?
F this, you know, I want to go do what I want to go do.
And so I dropped out of school and went to work at a music store here in Atlanta, a place called rhythm city.
It was just a nut house.
I mean, we're doing stuff during the day back in the, you know, story.
And so I started going to school and then I went to the purchasing m__, uh, F and water m__ scene.
And a friend of mine was a boomerang house employee at the time, um, and as I continued
to noisy, I figured out how to get life style at home, right?
And so that was just getting along.
And when I was sort of traveling along, I had, uh, around twelve, maybe an hour or two to
enjoy a rich quiet born stage at the time.
and then he said, you know what?
We're, we're, we're not in a good state.
He said, well, we're, uh, concert.
We're good.
We're stuff.
restaurant on
Northside Drive, I think it was.
And so I'm playing
and this guy comes up and lays
a rail out on the piano
while I'm playing. I was like, what is this?
It just turned
into, he had a real
good looking girl with him and
he was a strange guy but
and we ended up going back
over to his house place over
at Powers Ferry. He had two big huge
grand pianos there. A lot of money.
He had inherited a lot of money
or something but
anyway, all that to say there was a girl
I met there. My name is George Martin
which is really the Beatles producer
and so
this guy told
I'm going to use a
different name, Alice, that I was
George Martin's here and she thought it was
the Beatles producer so
she came over and
so you know
once again that was
a date that never
ended and
this one had a
horrific
a horrific cocaine problem
so we were together for three or four years
she'd be gone for a week
at a time
just not know where she's at
she'd come back home
and I'd end up taking her
to GMHI
it was a mess
and that's
those were the kind of relationship I got hooked into
and
you know finally that
after about four years she went through rehab
came back the whole time I was
drinking and carrying on myself
it's like I went to Al-Anon
I mean really the first meeting I ever went to was Al-Anon
and I'm sitting there going why am I here
this is not my problem
you know this is her problem
and so
you know I continued on with that
that relationship fell apart like
of course a lot of drug addicted ones do and stuff and so
a couple years after
I'll try to
I get emotional when I tell this but
a couple years after we broke up I remember coming home
my addiction had really
had kind of started to take off
I moved into drinking liquor in my thirties
before that it was beer maybe a shot or something but
I started really
putting it in high gear with the drinking and drugging
once we broke up and so I'd come home that night
and I remember I was so messed up I fell on my knees
I'm going God please
give me something
you know to help me stop doing what I'm doing
and so
it was strange the next day
my mother called and said
she had seen in the paper
that Alice had
hit and killed two people
sorry just a second
so she had
I get more upset for the people she killed than for her but
she had just run up cocaine
and got in the car
and
it was raining real bad
and I remember the night it was raining real bad
and she hit a truck
the vehicle off that truck and hit this car
and it killed the
driver
and his wife who was a Marietta police officer
that had just come home from church
and
they had an 18 month old baby
in the backseat to look through
just a horrible
horrible thing I saw on TV that night
and
you know thinking about it was
it didn't stop me from drinking
I just continued to drink after that
as horrible as that was
they sent us
they sent us
they sent us
to
35 years in jail
the parents of the
of the family
of the couple they killed
said we're going to
be in every hearing you got
to make sure you don't get out
and
I don't know why
for whatever reason
it didn't stop my drinking
so I
just essentially continue with that
I
I
got to the point
I think where I tried to get out of the music business
and try to do a day job
I got a job
believe it or not for a one nine hundred number company
if anybody remembers things
I was the audio engineer
for that one nine hundred
number company
It's like oh my God
I was making about 50 grand a year at that time
which was a lot
back in whatever
early nineties I guess
and
I was still you know
drugging and drinking
You know, I couldn't get two nickels to rub together, living at home with my parents,
even making pretty good money, you know, and stuff.
And so that went on for about a year and a half, and I finally got out of that thing
and then started working some other jobs.
And, you know, I mean, it just got to the point where I was unemployable.
I know I'm leaving some things out here.
Oh, before all that, I had, you know, I've had some great, great accomplishments in the music business.
I was, I ended up being the touring keyboardist for Peebo Bryson back, I'm trying to think when that was,
maybe the mid to late 80s.
And I did that for several years, recorded several albums with them.
So I had some real high points in my career, but I'm pretty sure alcohol kind of sucked.
Sucked away a lot of that stuff, you know.
I had actually, I was in a place, I was playing in California with Peebo.
I walked downstairs right afterward and walked right into Miles Davis and Cicely Tyson.
And Peebo had introduced me, and Miles shook my hand so he enjoyed my playing,
which is a pretty rare compliment, you know.
So, you know, along these things, like I say with the music business, the highs and lows,
I played for the Prince of Brunei, the richest man in the world.
During the 96 Olympics, I was asked to play for them twice.
And then, you know, like I said, but all along, and actually I was sober at that time.
I had about a year and a half sober in CA.
And I remember, because I was asked to play for them,
they were staying at a place in Marietta, the Prince and Princess of Brunei.
And I was worried they'd want to have a toast with me.
I was sober at that time.
And so it turned out that drinking was,
was against their religion.
So, you know, a lot of these worries that we have during sobriety, this is going to happen.
You know, so I've had a lot of great things happen in the music business,
but I got to the point where I was just unemployable.
You know, I had to get out of the music business.
I started working music stores.
You know, I'd get fired from one, go work in another one.
Just that kind of went on and on and on.
And the drinking was escalating.
And, you know, the thing about it is I went,
I was thought because cocaine was a heavier drug that that's really what my problem was.
I stayed sober.
And like I said, see, I had a great sponsor in CA.
He had taken me through the steps.
I was starting to sponsor other guys.
And then I get a call to play in Buckhead, a place called Rupert's in Buckhead.
And so, let's see, partying my ass off or say something.
It's just, you know, I'd let it get attractive again.
And went back out for another year and a half or so.
Then came back in to AA for about a year after that.
And then it took me 10 years to get back.
And there was a whole lot of partying in between.
And I remember when I went back out one time, I knew a guy.
His last name was actually LeCocq, believe it or not.
I hope nobody knows who that is.
But I met him and he'd gone out and I'd gone out.
I ran into him somewhere.
He goes, yeah, I'm not going to meetings anymore, but I'm still practicing those principles.
And then about a month later, I saw him on TV.
He was being arrested for running guns.
And they put him away.
So, you know, it's just insane.
You know, just what we do is just insane, you know.
So, it's taken me, you know, a few times.
I mean, our book talks about that.
It says, you know, 75% of the people that come in and really try, not just 75% of people who come in,
but 75% of people who come in and really try, which in my mind means getting a spot.
And we're working the steps.
75% of those people will recover.
I think those numbers are probably still true today.
You know, people just come in and do what's suggested here.
I was probably one that they talked about.
Those who didn't would come back after a period of time and then they'd get it, you know, and stuff.
And so, you know, for me, it's like I look at my sobriety as it's unleashed from God.
Um...
If I don't live up to the...
to the terms of my lease agreement, my sobriety could be taken away.
Because I've had that happen before.
I mean, you know, I sometimes hear, and I'm sure other people do,
you know, AA is for people who want it, not for people who need it.
And I knew I needed it for quite a long time,
and I never stayed around long enough to really find out what it's like to want AA.
You know, for me, that took a while.
And I remember I was in, when I first had some sobriety in CA,
I was getting to the point I was sponsoring guys,
and part of the reason I used to go out was,
well, these guys won't do what I'm telling them to do.
You know, and it's true, unfortunately, a lot of times, you know,
there's a high percentage, unfortunately, of people that come in
and just don't do what's suggested.
And to me, I heard a guy tell his story once and said,
introduced himself, of course, as a real alcoholic.
And he said, what I mean by a real alcoholic is someone that has to do
the 12 steps to stay sober.
And because, I mean, I've known other people that I've known in the rooms and stuff,
and they'll come in and get sober for a while,
and then they'll, maybe they'll end up in the church and getting involved in other things,
and they'll come in and get sober for a while, and then they'll end up in the church and getting involved in other things,
and stuff, you know.
So, to me, that's a different kind of alcoholic than me.
This stuff is just my opinion.
You know, some may agree or may not, but
today I know what I need to do to stay sober.
You know, and fortunately, that's turned into a want.
Because as long as I stay in this,
you know, I still keep getting the promises,
and, yeah, I've been through some difficult times with sobriety, I can tell you that.
But, when I came in, you know, I don't really even know that I came in for myself.
You know, people say you can't get sober for somebody else.
I'm calling BS on that.
I mean, ultimately, when things fall apart, that's a different, it's a slippery slope.
So, I met a, in my 30s, I started hanging out at a place called Cafe 290 in Sandy Springs,
and then I was there for six nights.
You know, the guy who owned the place was a friend of mine, or is a friend of mine.
They let us stay there until 7 in the morning.
And so, my thinking was, is like, you know what, the cops aren't looking for DUIs at 7.30 in the morning.
It just made sense to me.
I mean, I'm playing at night.
I wouldn't have to get up until 4 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know, I'd go play my gig, get off at 12, and then party until 7 o'clock in the morning.
I did that for...
From my 30s on up to when I got sober, 46, I guess.
I mean, five nights a week.
And I had one point where my mother worked at a chiropractic school here,
and I used to get adjusted for about three bucks.
And unfortunately, one of the students ruptured a disc in my back.
Put me on a commission for eight, nine months.
And you know what, the people I'm hanging out with, not one called.
But these are the people I'm hanging out with every night of the week, you know, and nobody called.
And so, of course, once I got healed up, it was kind of bad.
It took me nine months just about to get back on my feet.
My landlord let me slide on rent for four years, I think.
I mean, some of the stuff that happens to us, I believed in God when I got here
because of some of the stuff that I was...
I say got away with it, I really didn't.
But, I mean, my life was crazy that I, you know, only have one DUI.
I was drunk on the road every night.
I mean, not just drunk, but high on, you know.
And so I don't know how that happened.
But I feel like, you know, something was out there protecting me during those times.
And so that wasn't too much of a stretch for me when they started, you know,
a power greater than yourself, you know, that kind of thing.
So, but it was just a crazy lifestyle.
So I went into Cafe 290 and saw this girl bouncing around in there like a pinball machine.
And so, again, this ended up on a date that never ended.
At the end of the night, they're kicking us out and she's coming home with me.
And I'm not going to get graphic with any of this stuff, so don't worry about it.
But if somebody had told me that I was going to end up being my wife that night,
I was going to be like, you've got to be kidding me.
So we were together for, let's see, 12 years.
You know, I was, I got, I had decided when we were dating that either I needed to get rid of her
or I needed to get sober again.
You know, it's funny.
It wasn't funny.
She had a son that was special needs.
He has Asperger's.
So we go out to eat and, of course, we're ordering drinks and he just yells out,
she's not supposed to be drinking because she'd been arrested 18 times.
There's a few people here that know who I'm talking about.
I'm not going to use names or anything else, you know, so out of respect.
But that was a crazy, I mean, this is just another insane, insane relationship.
I got into.
And so the first six months we were together, she was in jail.
So I'm in AA looking for a sponsor, telling them I'm playing music in a bar.
My girlfriend's in jail.
And I need somebody to sponsor me.
There weren't a whole lot of takers.
There were a few people that stepped up to the plate, you know, but it's just insane.
And so we stayed together.
She finally got out of jail and came back home.
She started doing her son's medication as soon as she got out of jail.
It's like, you know what?
Either you get a sponsor, get sober, or get out.
And she did.
She went and got a sponsor.
She got sober.
She sobered up for a good long while.
She did a good job with it.
And her family is just one of these ones with this pill mentality is what I call it.
They have.
They have pills everywhere.
She was a pill addict.
And it was just constant drama.
Just constant, constant drama.
I went to Al-Anon to try to stay out of her business.
It was just really hard to do.
And, of course, we finally got married.
And eventually that whole thing fell apart.
And it was strange because I remember at about 10 years, we're going through some changes and separation and stuff.
And it's like I felt like I was starting over again.
Because I really think she was like a higher power to me.
You know?
I mean, I got married, which I was happy.
You know, I liked being married and stuff.
And, again, we had some good times and stuff.
But once that fell apart and that wasn't there, it was like all of a sudden, man, there wasn't much foundation there.
So, you know, by the grace of God, I have the thought.
It's like, you know, I've either.
I've got to get really back into this program or I'm going to be drunk again.
You know, which is what I think probably she wanted.
She had relapsed 15 times in three years.
And my heart went out to her because she tried to get back up on the wagon or whatever you want to call it.
And I just could not do it.
So we ended up getting divorced.
And, you know, that's a tough thing, man.
So, like I say, I don't know that I completely got sober.
But what I am thankful for is that, by the grace of God, I've been able to stay around here long enough to want this and to want to keep coming back.
And, you know, I mean, our book talks about we trudge the road to a happy destiny.
And it's a trudge.
I believe the meaning of trudge means walking with purpose.
You know, and there's a lot of times, I mean, you know, the efforts get a lot out of us.
You know, just the effort.
And I just know it was kind of weird to me.
It was five years sober before I realized I had diabetes.
And, man, I was drinking these sugary grandma drinks, grandma stuff, like it was water.
Not knowing, you know.
So I had finally got health insurance because my wife at that time, my ex-wife at the time, was working for Kroger.
And so I finally was able to get a colonoscopy.
And I won't get too gross about this.
So they knock you out.
And I wake up in the recovery room.
Now, I'd had five years sober at this time.
And I wake up and the doctor's standing right there.
And this first question to me goes, do you drink a lot?
I said, no, I've been sober five years, thank you very much.
He said, well, we couldn't keep you knocked out.
And that's some head.
That'd be stuff they use.
Right, Lisa?
Although you're Dennis, but I mean, I know you know medical stuff.
But that's some pretty heavy stuff.
So, you know, that gives pause to me.
It's like, you know, people talk about this.
I use the word illness.
I don't use the word disease.
I just, I think there are too many diseases and too many pills to go with them out there today.
But Bill Wilson called it a spiritual illness.
So.
And I forgot where I was going with that.
Listen, I've got a senior moment.
Cohen asked me up.
Thank you.
So, yes.
And so the illness progresses.
Even though I have not been using it, I've had five years sober.
He's asking me that kind of question.
It's like, how can that be?
And that's a really, really heavy drug.
Now, I can drink a lot.
I mean, I was, at the end there, I was.
Probably somewhere in the 25 to 30 drinks a night range.
Something like that.
This is funny because what I heard about six months ago is you can't really impress alcoholics.
You know, that sounds like a lot.
But, you know, the thing is, I have to realize I'm not the worst anything and not the best anything.
You know, I mean, I was going to give that disclaimer when I first started.
I'm a musician, so hang on.
But, you know, I've heard guys that are used cars.
I'm going to have worse stories than I did.
You wouldn't have to be a musician.
You know, being an alcoholic, man, it just takes on some crazy dimensions.
You know, so I guess that's about all I got.
I mean, today, you know, I'm coming up on 17 years sober.
I started drinking when I was 15.
So, you know, if there's any truth to 10 miles in and 10 miles out of the woods, maybe I'm three quarters out.
I don't know.
But, so.
I'm just thankful, you know, to AA, the people, you all.
And by the grace of God, I'm still sober today.
Thank you, George.
I needed that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Because too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
Put the plug in the chuck.
Man, I feel like I've been set free.
I'm not sure, not sure there's a touch of pain enough for nothing to me.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church that it put me in recovery.
I got a notch from the church.
I got a notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
I got the notch from the church.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything ain't enough for nothing to me.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Too much of everything.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
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