I Got the Monkey Off My Back But the Circus Is Still Going On – Liz B.

...sponsee who just made 30 years, and she came all the way from New York to hear my big mouth again. Isn't that something else? So Shirley Stanton... But that's not the kicker. Here's her sponsee. So what are the generations that are running down? All of you stand up. Get up, get up, get up. I never had sober people follow me, but I sure have now. And I want to tell this group and the committee, I want everyone in this committee to please stand up. What a job you have done here this weekend. How about it? Come on. Come on! Come on, you fit a booth. I want to thank Susan for writing me, calling me. And I don't know, I got so many bookings back in New York to go on now, that I don't know if I'm blaming her. I don't know if I'm blaming her. I don't know if I'm blaming her. I don't know if I'm blaming her for writing me a letter telling me to shut my mouth before I get here. That I wasn't supposed to speak in any area here. Well, I don't live in Georgia, so you didn't have to worry about that. But I thank you for your love and your caring. There's two ladies, beautiful ladies, took me to lunch yesterday. And where were they? There they are. I'll never forget you. Stand up so the people can see how gorgeous you are. Wonderful. I can't help it. You know, I don't take anything for granted. I really don't. Now, every one of the speakers this weekend, I've had the honor and privilege of being on the circuit with them. And I came back here this weekend to have the grandest reunion of my life. Will you speakers please stand up? And even the one that's going to speak tomorrow. Come on. Wow, what a committee. They know how to pick them. Isn't that something? It's really great. And I appreciate every living one of you that came out this evening. Because we can do together what I can't do alone. Think about it. I tried to stay sober on my own many a time. There's a young lady, I don't know where she's sitting. But I knew her mother over 30 years. And she walked up on me tonight in the dining room. And I like to flip out. Because I hadn't seen her in 24 years. Where are you, honey? There she is. Just wonderful. And you know, I had to come into AA to learn that I'm highly emotional. And I had to learn that I am highly emotional. And I had to learn that I am highly emotional. that I'm highly sensitive. I knew nothing about me when I got here. Believe me, I didn't. There was two things I knew. What are we drinking and what are we chipping in for? I had never heard the word uncle. Last week, I was in New York, and Stan comes up every year to celebrate. He lives in Virginia. Huh? You live in Georgia? I got you in Virginia. I don't know either. But Stan made 20 years last Saturday. I'm going to tell on him now. 20 years ago, I was walking the street going somewhere, and I met Stan. Stan said to me, I don't think I'm going to be staying in this area. I said, yes, you are. I said, you don't talk to me like that. And Stan has celebrated 20 years. Isn't that wonderful? And he travels from here to New York. Just wonderful. And when I saw him back there tonight, Shirley, he had me screaming, because I didn't expect to see Stan stand here. Because I know Monday night when they told me that the May issue had been out in New York, and that I said to the girl, well, I'll buy a copy. And I did. And then Stan walked up, and I said, you know, Stan, I'm going to buy a copy of your book and he was like, well, well, what do love does? And I'm like, come out here and see if, he could use this. So he said, Yeah. I said, go back there and see if she got another one. The minute they heard that I was in the magazine, she sold out grapevine. So he couldn't get one, so I gave him mine. Here, a beautiful doll tonight, brought me one from her mom, who met me over 26 years ago, you're mom, honey? So I thank you, too, to get into my story now. I did all my thank yous and welcomes. I don't think I've left anybody out. I hope not, because I'm very sensitive in that area. I had my first drink at the age of 12 years old. And as I look back, I was a stone alcoholic at 12 years old. But this is something I've got to tell you. There was a minister preaching one time. And he says, you know, if you drink alcohol, you're doomed to die. And the little old lady down front, she said, amen. He said, now, if you smoke those cigarettes, you're doomed to die. And the little old lady, she said, amen. He said, now, if you chew tobacco, she said, look at that. He done stopped preaching and gone to meddling. So I'm going to meddling. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to meddling. And you know, we hate the truth. Oh, God, do we hate the truth. Well, if you can face the truth, it'll set you free. Free, free at last. And I told you my mom made my first drink at the age of 12 years old. She made rice wine out of ingredients from the welfare in a large crockery. And she left myself and a little girl named Marion to sip. She said, I'm going to sip this rice wine through cheese cork and show you the difference. Marion sipped and sipped two drinks and she went home. But I sipped and I sipped. Whoo, honey, I sipped and sipped. Jeff, I had a ball sipping and sipping. I put on a drunk at 12 that was a drunk. Had the nerve to go out in the street the next day and I shook my little self and told my friends, whoo, what a ball I had. I don't even remember what the hell happened. That began to be the pattern of my life. If you didn't drink to get drunk and pass out, you weren't saying too much for me. Now, don't you dare take a drink like that and sip it for 20 minutes. You got on my nerves. And I got away from you. You didn't have to get away from me. Because I wanted you to drink like I drank. At the age of 14, I was selling King Kong booze. The man made it in the bathtub next door. I bought it by the gallon. I was selling it for 40 cents a cream. Just as did I take mayonnaise, olive oil, butter, cream, line yourself up. You line yourself up, you can drink plenty, make good money. Well, I took that. The King Kong was so powerful, went all through the mayonnaise, the butter, the cream. So I stopped taking that stuff. And I started selling booze and making good money. Now, one night, I live one flight up. I see this sharp dude. Oh, God, he was so sharp, almost fell out the window. And he's just tipping on down the street. You got to roll the money. I said, whoa, there's a live one. You know I was always looking for a live one. I said, there's a live one. I said, I ran downstairs and latched onto this cute dude with the roll of money. It was a $5 bill around a lot of ones. But he's so cute. Who cares? So I went up from uptown down to the Lower East Side, wherever I could go for them to come up and give me a play. Well, at the age of 14, you could not tell me I wasn't a woman. I'm drinking, I'm partying, I'm hanging out. So he's 10 years older than myself. I asked my mother if she would sign for me to marry him. And she says, oh, no, dear. Over my dead body. Now, I don't know I'm an alcoholic at this point. But I'm an alcoholic. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I am a woman. I'm a woman. But you don't tell no alcoholic what not to do. Don't do that. You Alibans, I love Alibans, they tell you, you didn't cause it, you can't cure it. And, damn sure, can't control it. Somebody else added another C to it. I don't know. But here again, I'm taking not listening to my mom. I left New York with this very man. January 3, 1939, at 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm standing in the courthouse crying. And then I come back out in the middle of the night with my wife and the sheriff. I'm my heart out being married. The minister stopped the ceremony. He said, my dear young lady, would you mind telling me what you're crying about? I said, at least I got him. Can I be honest with every one of you in this room? That was the sorriest day of Mr. Bailey's life. Mr. Bailey never stopped crying from January 3rd, 1939 until he went home with the Lord, August the 12th, 1986. That was a sorry day for that man. Now here, I got a marriage license. I'm 17 years old. Woo! I'm going to paint New York red, baby. Wow! Woo! Woo! I'm telling you, I'm going to get on down with it. I'm doing the slide before the slide came in, honey. Yeah! And this poor man, boy, he didn't know what to do with me because I had to have a drink to wash, to iron, to cook, everything. I had to have a drink in my hand. So all of a sudden now, I find that I'm even sitting in my neighborhood. Now Mr. Bailey's coming home from work. I'm going out the door. Where are you going, miss? Get a loaf of bread. I'd come back a week later. Maybe two whenever I could get back. See, poor man, poor man. My heart, I was always on my knees to him. Daddy, please forgive me. I don't want to act like this. I don't want to be like this. And I didn't know what to do about it because nobody was talking to me about alcohol or alcoholism. That's all I knew. This is the way to go. And so I'm going down. Now, I'll never suggest that you girls try a frozen chicken. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to go down. I'm going to go down. I'm going to go down. I'm going to go down. I'm going to go down. I went around to my neighbor's house and I got drunk. And when I'm coming home, she says to me, you know, Liz, you ate my husband's dinner. I said, well, I'll hand your dinner over the fence. Well, I went in and tried to fry that frozen chicken and burn up both of my legs. And these legs stayed like raw meat. They as long as I drank, but I came into AA and I love to tell you these rooms are healing rooms. Healing rooms. So of course now I'm drinking. And one morning I woke up with my head coming off my body. I took Alka-Sulfa, Anacin, BC. I put a raw egg in the beer. That was a meal, you know that. See? And I'm trying to straighten my head out and I can't get it straight. I reach over and grab the Bible off my table. I figure maybe I'll find the answer in the Bible how to straighten this rotten filthy life of mine up. Mr. Bailey passed my room. Now I have always said to Mr. Bailey, when I'm on a drunk, shut up! And when I'm coming off a drunk, shut up! The poor man couldn't win either way, so I don't want to hear him. So he saw me with the Bible and he started to screaming, put that Bible down, you hypocrite. He says, 20 minutes to an hour, you'll be so drunk, slapping one of the kids down, hopping a cab or swinging a corner. I didn't know he knew that much about me. I didn't know that. And I said, oh my God, I didn't want to hear his mouth. So I literally ran. And jumped up into the second floor window. And as I'm getting ready to throw my body, I'm sick. Do you all know how sick I am? I'm sick. And I'm getting ready to throw my body down into the yard and there's a little old lady named Nana Backer lived downstairs. And she spots me standing up in the window. Mr. Bailey! Mr. Bailey! You better get her! She gonna jump! I saw his head come out the window. He said, Nana! And you all excuse me, I don't curse no more like this. Only when I'm pushed to do it, you know. And I don't like that. But he said to Nana, Nana, will you let that bitch jump? He said, I'll be rid of all my problems. All my troubles. Please! Let that bitch jump. Well, I looked at him. I wanted to know who the hell did he think he was. I guarantee you I got down out of that window. And slept that one off, baby. I did. I put the sheet over me and I was gone. I asked Mr. Bailey, maybe if you drank with me. Haven't you none alcoholics heard? You got a little shit on you. Maybe I wouldn't want to drink so much in Rome, because I'm a roamer. I can't stand your silent treatment. I can't stand you looking at me cockeyed, and I don't want to hear your mouth, so it's better that I go. Get out on the road, baby. And I'm out there, and I'm waking up where I don't know where I'm at. And I said it yesterday at the meeting. I said, you know, I woke up on the park bench, Liberty Park bench. I said, something wrong with this scene. I live three blocks, got a brand new bedroom set, new mattress, and I'm on a park bench? I didn't know what to do with that. Of course, go back and get another drink, you know? And I said to Mr. Bailey, come on now. He took me into the city. My sister had three bars in Manhattan, and I stayed on the one on 8th Avenue. And he got drunk. He came home, fell in the radiator, and bust his head open. Well, you know. I said, yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh, because he never went out with me again. And I looked at it, and I said, you know, look at that, the difference. Now he bumped his head one time. I bumped mine ten times. I'd go back and do the same thing ten times. Wouldn't mean a thing. Wouldn't mean a thing. It's just like I told some non-alcoholics three weeks ago. I said, you know how good it is to wake up and look at my ceilings? They looked at me like I was crazy. They looked at me like I was crazy. I came in the AA, and I told that, and the guy says, yeah, I used to look up and see mirrors. I didn't get to the mirror stuff. I used to look up and see mirrors, but see the difference. I know what he's talking about. So I watched me go down. I planned beautiful birthday parties. Had the cooking, the shopping, everything done nice. But you see, I'm tired after I've shopped, and I've got to go relax. So I put everything in the house, and I go up to Sutton's Bar and Grill where I hung out. Give me one to relax. I'm going to the party tonight. I'm having a birthday party for my husband or the children, whatever. And the guy hit me next to me. He said, when are you going home to your party? I said, oh, after I have the next drink. And he hit me again. He hit me all night long. When are you going home to your party? I said, oh, after I have the next drink. And he hit me again. He hit me all night long. And I said, when are you going to the party? Next drink. I never got to the parties. Everybody would be to the parties but me. And the guilt and the remorse kills you because here, you've done it again, and you don't want to do it again. I don't want to do it again. Beautiful children. I thought having children would even stop me from drinking. Uh-uh. The minute them babies came out and said, wah, off to the drunk I went. Off to a drunk. The children didn't even stop me. So I'm watching me go down. And then my last drink, I want to tell you, I'm drinking with hard two-fist drinkers in the VFW Hall, 110th and Merrick Road. I couldn't drink with decent people. I had to drink with the hard ones. And so there I am looking for a lady to come and sell insurance for the house. Now, girls, I want to tell you, Mr. Bailey happened to be a furrier. I had more fur coats than you could shake a stick at because every time I got a period of dryness, he'd make me another fur coat. One year, he made me the most gorgeous leopard coat you ever laid your eyes on. Threw a party for the job and all. Brought the coat home and threw it out on the bed. And I looked down at that leopard coat and I hated it. I gave it away. I said he made it so he could spot me somewhere. Sick! Sick! And you'll never know how sick you are until you get sober. You have to get sober to see it because as long as you stay in the drug or the booze, you don't see it. It doesn't let you see it. I'm going down now. I'm watching me go down. Mr. Bailey came to me one day and he said, you know, you're the nicest wife when you're sober. sober? Drunk, you're a Jekyll and a Hyde. Why don't you try this AA? I don't know what AA is, but I didn't want to hear that from him. And you know what I told him to do with AA, don't you? Because I told him to eat his own. I'm drinking this stuff and you don't want for nothing and don't bother me with no AA and you know what to do with it. The man was smart. He walked away from me and he never mentioned AA because if he had a beat me with AA, I'd have never made it. I wouldn't make it. He told me that one time, walked away. I was standing up in Brooklyn a couple of months ago and I said to the audience, if you see what I got and you want what I got, the guy winked at me. I said, man, I ain't talking about that stuff. I said, I got to rephrase that. I didn't say nothing about it. But thank God, I drank for another eight to 10 months and I watched me going down. I really was going down. And of course, this lady's coming to sell some insurance for the house. I never called it a home. I've had every material thing any woman want. Material things didn't get me sober and material things don't keep me sober. So don't make an issue of material things. So here again, I want to see Ms. Lindbaum. Had not seen the lady since I was eight years old. And of course, I get up, my salads and everything. I left the dusting to last. The phone rang and it's one of the guys from the Post. And he said, I heard his voice and I just banged the phone down. He called me back the second time. I banged the phone down the second time. He called me back the third time. He said, do me a favor. Hop a cab. I want to introduce you to these people. I'll put you back in the cab and send you home to your company. I figured, well, let me do that because he's going to ride me up a tree. Oh, got over there. The booze started going. And my favorite song was, you always hurt the one you love. The one you don't want to hurt. Oh, give me another drink. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. If you're happy, give me another drink. I'm 85 and I haven't seen that lady till yet. And I forgot what she looks like either. She might not be here because I used to hope she'd walk in one of the A.A. rooms. But here again, I woke up in one of my son's twin beds. The foot of the bed stood my mom and over here, Mr. Bailey. And my mom's got her head going and she's screaming that somebody done done something to her. Somebody done done something to her. I look over at Mr. Bailey. He got his head going. He's saying, no mom, no mom. Nobody's done anything to her. She happens to be a very sick girl. Well, my name was Bitch, as you know that. I had never heard sick girl, really. I had never heard that. But when he said I was a sick girl, something went all over him. He said, I was a sick girl. He said, I was a sick girl. He said, I was a sick girl. He was a sick girl. He said, I was a sick girl. He said, I was a sick girl. I said, I was a sick girl. He said, I was a sick girl. I said, I was a sick girl. He said, I was a sick girl. Something went all over my entire body. And I got up out of that bed and I went to the basement of the house. And I stayed in the basement for two days, praying to die. I wanted out. I just couldn't go any lower. I couldn't go any lower. And I looked over at my oldest son who was 12 years old at the time. Next month, he'll be 66 years old, my son. But here again. I looked at him and I said, Richard, I can't live this way. This is not the way I want to live. Look at this. You cannot depend on me for anything. And so I started. And I didn't know anything about a big book. And I started screaming like the big book says. He could and would if he saw it. It's so true. And I never have screamed to God so in my entire life. Oh, God. Oh, God. Please help me. And something came to me as clear as I'm speaking to you. Try this AA that your father has told me about. We are seed planters. See, Mr. Bailey planted a seed with me. And I didn't know it. And God brought it right back to me. Try this AA. There were no women when I came to AA. Very few women. Thank God for you women coming out of the closets, out of the drawers, from under the rugs. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I remember very clearly. I took the telephone book down off the cabinet and I called AA. They didn't have anyone. But I hate to tell you this, but I'm going to tell it to you. I used to go to the beauty parlor and get my hair done really nice and get drunk. And the booze would go to my hair. I had Afro before Afro came out. I did. And that beautician used to argue with me and I told her, this is my head. You know, I'd be nasty, nasty. Mr. Bailey would give me money for clothes. I never looked too tough. But now I'm a beauty parlor. Now I'm going to AA. So I get my hair done nice and I buy a two-piece blue suit. And I go off to my first AA meeting. And two girls looked up at me. I'm only mimicking them. You don't look like an alcoholic. Are you back at me again? No, he's at somebody else. Okay. You don't look like an alcoholic. And I said, what the hell did I get myself into? And I said, I don't know. And they start running out the room. Now, when I came to AA, they kept two people at the door. Because once you got in, you did not get out. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. It was none of this in and out that you guys do today. No, no, no. And even at a meeting, we would get the coffee and the cake and we'd talk to each other and go to the laboratory and come back. And when a speaker got up here to speak, nobody moves. And you didn't leave a room until the Lord's Prayer was said. That's why when you started open discussions, they put the Lord's Prayer first so that you could walk out. But we respected each other like that. It was tremendous. And so this guy hits me over here in the shoulder. And like I said yesterday, they didn't talk nice to you when I came to AA. They belted you. They didn't take teeth for a fever. 50% of us made it. 25% could hardly make it. And 25% didn't make it. And I wanted to be in the 50% bracket. When I came to AA, if you'd have told me to scrub this room with a toothbrush, I would have done it. That's how desperate I was. I didn't want to go back out in that street. And 53 and a half years here, not one of you has ever come back in these doors and told me it's so great out there. I believe you. That's why I make meetings. Meetings. Meetings. Because I know in the giving, I keep. In the giving, I receive. I couldn't be here tonight if I didn't do that. And it's a lousy hour. Don't come up to me. I don't want to make them meetings. I'm sick of them meetings. And I get so mad at you, I want to strangle you. Because look at the time I wasted in the bars. Come on. In the booths. Waking up in basements. Behind the barbershop. Different places. Not knowing where I was. And I used to get so angry when people would say, Liz, you said this and you did that. I said, why are they lying on me? They're lying on me. I couldn't have done all that. Got sober and found out they weren't lying on me. I was doing all that crazy stuff out there. Putting holes in the walls. Burning up furniture. Breaking up furniture. Black eyes. Busted ribs. Put my hand through a window plate there. Says, Mom, she can see it all sliced up. All insane things. I haven't done nothing like that since I got sober. No. No. Cursing. Every word that came out of my mouth was a curse word. Fighting. I'd fight you to the drop of a hat. I got beat a couple of times too, you know. Yeah. I had a woman hit me one time and spin me, hit me in the wall. Because I was flirting with her husband, you know. Yeah. And I was crazy about bald-headed men. Oh, God, was I crazy. Oh. Bald head wasn't even in style, but I was crazy about them. That's how I almost got killed a couple of times too. But I'm watching me go down. And I went to Dr. Gratitude with a broken finger. I said, I'm going to get you a new one. I said, I'm going to get you a new one. I said, I'm going to get you a new one. Then I went to Dr. Gratitude with a broken finger. This finger's been broken in two places. And he's wrapping the finger, and he's telling me, Miss Bailey, please, stop your drinking. Please. You're going to wake up one day where you're going to be very sorry. It went in this ear and out that ear. And I took every situation to Sutton's Bar and Grill. I'd sit up and drink all night, all the next day over what happened. One day, Mr. Bailey said to me, why did you go back to drinking? You were dead young. you were doing so good. Well, three weeks ago, you said something to me, and that's why I got drunk today. I waited three weeks to get drunk. Now, if that ain't crazy, what is? A lot of insanity. One day I woke up, and brown stuff was coming all down the kitchen wall. I didn't know what it was, and it was ready to air. So finally I got up enough nerve to ask my neighbor. She said, well, this guy hit your son. And you threw hot chocolate at him. So that was hot chocolate coming down. All crazy stuff. So again, I drank for another eight to ten months after Mr. Bailey planted the seed. And I've been here from July the 11th, 1952. The greatest life that I could ever expect to have. I'm going to run this really fast, because you all have been sitting patiently. You know, they told me not to get sober for anybody but for myself. Thank you for that. If I had to stay sober for my mother, I'd have been drunk, drunk, drunk. My mother, I hated her with a passion when I came to AA. My mother had put me out to work at eight years old on a sleep-in job. My mother worked me half to death all my life. And I didn't like her. And thank God AA told me to love her. AA told me she couldn't give me what she didn't have. And I thank God for AA for that. Mr. Bailey couldn't stand me sober. Oh my God, he worked like the devil to get me back out in that street. Oh! Oh! Every time I'd go to a meeting, he'd curse me. There goes the Meshuggah cup one in Jewish means. There goes the crazy one. But I kept hitting them cars. Now, I've never had a car in my whole sobriety. And every night, a different white dude picks me up. You know that. And I upset my neighbor. My neighbor's terrible. From a drunk... Yeah. They say, oh my God, from a drunk to this, what is she putting down? . But thank God I know what I'm putting down. Thank God! Because I must never forget the days that I didn't know what I was putting down. I must never forget those days. But God has allowed me for 53 and a half years to know where I'm going and what I'm doing. And so, Mr. Bailey, I asked him to come and sit on the dais when I had to speak for Bill. And he told me to get myself another husband for that night. And my girlfriend said, you going to ask him again? I said, hell no, I'm the speaker. And I didn't ask him. But he showed up at 3 in the afternoon. My sponsor, she didn't want me to be there that early. Because she said I'd get tired. And you guys lined up in the corner. I was in the hotel Commodore. And you thanked Mr. Bailey for me. And he couldn't handle that. He had become a martyr. People felt so sorry for him. Putting up with me. That bitch is drunk again. That bitch is gone again. That's all that man heard. He never heard nobody talk nice about me. But you talked nice about me to him. And he came home that night. He shook my hand after I spoke for Bill. Said I did a good job. But then that night when he got home, he banged every pot on the table. And he said, I've got to get rid of you. I can't stand you in this sobriety another minute. And I used the third and the eleventh step at 3 o'clock in the morning. And God spoke to me just like I'm speaking to you. Because you've got to go get still. Be still to know that I'm the Lord. And God said to me, you're going to have to leave. Because if you pick up one drink, you don't have Liz. You pick up one drink, you don't have Mr. Bailey. And I didn't have him anyway. And when I pick up a drink, I'm going to have to go. And I said, I'm going to go. And I said, I'm going to go. And I said, I'm going to go. And I said, I'm going to go. And I said, I'm going to drink. I'm not in that house. So I moved to a room, room and kitchenette, and into an apartment. Mr. Bailey took sick. After being away from him 24 years. After being away from him 24 years. I went back. Because see, the longer I stayed there, it was revealed to me that I wasn't a good wife. that I wasn't a good wife. I wasn't a good mother. And I had the opportunity to make amends to him. And I had the opportunity to make amends to him. To take care of him in his last days. And on his death bed, he said to me, Liz, take my hand. I took his hand. And he says, you know, I want to thank you for saving my life. He says, you know, I really love you. And I screamed. Because at that time, I had been married to him 47 years. And I had never heard that. But I got it before he cashed out of here. But I got it before he cashed out of here. Sure did. Now I have an older son Now I have an older son who I live in guts. The 12 year old that I told you about. And he said, I'll never forgive you or forget you. I had to come into AA I had to come into AA to forgive myself first. And then I found the God in here who has forgiven me 70 times 7. who has forgiven me 70 times 7. So any man, any woman, any child cares to hold my past over my head has to be their problem. It's not mine. Last May 7th, he was here in Georgia visiting. I have a granddaughter and great-grands here in Georgia. I have a sister here in Georgia. I have a sister here in Georgia. But I don't visit them when I come on these trips. You ain't paying me to come here to visit nobody. You ain't paying me to come here to visit nobody. So I come and do what I'm supposed to do. So my granddaughter says, So my granddaughter says, your son is here. Do you want to speak to him? I said, I don't know whether I want to speak to him or not. He talks to me nasty. And I don't dial for payments. I don't dial for no... I don't dial for no... I don't dial for nobody to talk nasty to me. No. I'm not deserving of that today. So I said, But you know what? Put him on that phone. Put him on there. I'll take anything he say or do today. I want to wish him a happy birthday. I had him 65 years ago today. I had him 65 years ago today. So he got on the phone. He says, Hi. I said, Hi. He said, How are you doing? I said, Well, I'm still hopping trains and people. He said, Well, I'm still hopping trains and people. He said, Well, I'm still hopping trains and people. I said, But I really wanted to wish you a happy, happy birthday. I said, But I really wanted to wish you a happy, happy birthday. The next day, she's driving him to the airport here. The next day, she's driving him to the airport here. And he's going back to California. And she says to him, Ma, how do you enjoy your stay, Dad? He said, Crystal, I had the best birthday of my life. I had the best birthday of my life. I spoke to my mother. Took 53 years. Don't give up! Don't give up! Don't give up! God is in charge. God is in charge. Not me. It's so beautiful to know that I'm not in charge. I got 100 pounds. I went to Alaska last year. I came back with this. I got the monkey off my back, but the circus is still going on. I got the monkey off my back, but the circus is still going on. In other words, life is still going on. And I don't have to drink or drive. I don't have to talk about it. There's no excuse to pick up another drink or a drug. Not one that I can think of. My second son was Dennis. My second son was Dennis. Just made 28. I said to him, Dennis the right road. That's why I love you young dudes. I go crazy with you. You give me life. I can be all down and coming in and look at you. My sponsor always tells me that. You get in these rooms. I do. She tells me that all the time. And here again. I said to Dennis, the right road may be hard, but you'll be a winner. It's nice to be a winner after being a loser so long. And I said, but the easy road, the price is heavy. He kept with the easy road. The hundred dollar shoes and the fine suits with the drug addicts, whatever. And I shot and killed him at 2 o'clock in the morning. My dad was an alcoholic. He took and hung himself. He hung himself first. Then my son was shot and killed. Then my sister went into Manhattan and jumped 30 floors. Laid on a canopy for five days. And my life was just my sister next to me drank herself to death. My mother had five alcoholics. Ain't that a hot one? See? And I'm the only one sober. And I'm the only one sober. Out of the old five. But here again, I grieved at the sister because she left five children. The one that jumped 30 floors. And so the daughter came to Texas, lives in Texas, but she came when I went to speak for Circe's 53rd anniversary. And to hear me, and she writes me letters telling me constantly she wants to be like me. She says, you are some woman. I want to be like you. And I appreciate that. And I do. Now I have an AA baby. She just made 50 April 3rd. I named her after AA. Adrian Anita. She turned to be a Muslim 30 years ago. She says to me, she comes from Boston. Who's that Boston person? You are, yeah. And she speaks very proper. And she says, Mother, are you accepting me as a Muslim? I said, you join Hoodism, Buddhism. I said, I don't give a hootism. I don't. Because I'm not raising no children anymore. They're all adults. And I said, as long as it makes you a better person. She's getting ready to graduate from college. She's had 12 babies. Six have died. She's got six. I have 17 grandchildren. I have 12 grands and five great grands. And I see them by appointment only. I do not babysit. I do not. I don't have time anyway. And I don't want the time either. At 85, I want to live, baby. I fell in love three years ago. And this is cute because I just came back from Chicago the other week. And I was in a meeting with a woman who was a womanizer. And she said, I'm going to be a womanizer. And I said, I spoke to 1500 women at a luncheon. And I was telling them how I had fallen in love. And how falling in love is such a good feeling. And it does something for you. But it's painful too. Because long distance love, I don't know how to handle that. And it's very painful. So the guy sends me diamonds. And in my ears. He said, I'm going to be a womanizer. And I said, I'm going to be a womanizer. And he said, I'm going to be a womanizer. And I never knew that I could have a long distance love affair. I don't know about it. It scared the hell out of me. I have met other people. And I have found a womanizer. I went up and had three operations and six weeks for cancer. The doctor says, I'm giving you six months to live. I said, you're not giving me anything. I live one day at a time. I want to say this to all of you. You know I started with one day like everybody else. Think about it. One day, just like everybody else. And have gone through the pain to gain. Have fought the fight for the victory that I have today. It's not easy. Easy come, easy go. You work for something, you're going to hold on to it. See, like my granddaughter. I live with a granddaughter, 33. She looked at me the other week. She said, you know, Nanny, you weren't that bad. Now how bad did she know I was? She came to AA, so she wasn't even thought about. But you see, I got to know how bad I was. Never mind somebody else. And she looked at me when I first went to live with her. Where you going, Nanny? I said, to a meeting. Oh my goodness, over 50 years and you still going to them meetings? Bye. And out the door I go. Because she doesn't know, and I can't explain it to her, but I can tell it to you. I am not cured. I am still going on inside of me. I don't care how long I'm sober. It's one day at a time. Get another drunk in your life. Please, never. I haven't been without a drunk since July 11, 1952. To this moment. Not a day without one of you in my life. I was just telling them about the girl at the airport going through the security thing where you put your shoes. I do strips every week. Isn't that something? At them airports, I got to take my jackets off, my shoes off, all that stuff. And this girl jumped across the thing. Oh, Liz! I said, girl, you'll kill yourself. I didn't... You know, but they're everywhere I turn. A drunk is everywhere I turn. In New York, anyway. I can't get on... Can't get on the subway, can't walk the street, can't go in the grocery stores. I'm not everywhere I meet a drunk. It's wonderful. So here again, I have a beautiful life today. I'm living in one room with my granddaughter because about five years ago, I went to an AA meeting. I'm going to tell you how important it is. And I went into a coma at the AA meeting. And I woke up in Astoria General Hospital not knowing how I got there. And the AA members came up the stairs and the elevator. They were all over me. Who are you? Who are you? I said, my name is Elizabeth Bailey. Oh, we don't know who you are. I didn't break my anonymity in the hospital because they might not understand that, you know. But again, I came home and I went into a coma. All on the right side. Hand going, head going, leg going, 24-7. And one day, I got so tired of shaking like that, I reached over and turned on the radio beside me and the jazz station came on. Oh, honey, I started jazzing. Oh, I was jazzing with that. I had a stroke, went away. Turn on some music, honey. Turn on some music. Music is a healer. It's a healer. And my friends, I grieve because some of them can't walk anymore. Some of them are twisted. Some of them can't talk. Don't you tell me there isn't a God. Don't tell me. I look at them even bringing me out of that cancer. I'm out of the cancer 38 years. The doctor's dead. I'm not. I'm still, I'm still moving. I'm one of them ever ready batteries, you know. Yeah. And I was taught never to say no to anyone who call on me or you for AA. There are six million alcoholics out there and every one of you alcoholics in this room got a job to do. You'll never be without a job. So try to get another drunk in your life some way, shape, or form. So that you can live this fantastic life. I'm happy. I'm joyous. And I'm free. And I'm dead as Martha Luther King who went to the top of the mountain but I'd be damned if I ain't been through the mountain. And it's okay. It's okay. Because I'm going to keep coming. I'm headed now for Cleveland end of the month. Come back from there and I'm headed for St. Petersburg, Florida. And I just keep going. This is my second trip across the United States I'm making. Got off the plane in Hawaii and they had a sign Welcome Liz, we love you. They put a layer of gardenias around my neck. Crown of flowers on my head. And I'm telling them be careful I'm an alcoholic. Because we can't take good too much. You know that. You know that. You know that. I went to meetings in Hawaii they put laser flowers around my neck. Went to the stores they put laser beads around your neck. I came back to New York I said I've never been laid so much in my life. I had flowers up to here. I'm down you people have just been something in my life. Never forget that we can do together what you cannot do alone. Go to a meeting please. Even if you don't talk to anybody. Sit there. I celebrate on Jones' beach every year. The first year I think 1200, 1500 come out. They can't fit in the rooms anymore. And God opened the beach up for me through two members. And because I was going to stay in the beach for a year. And I was going to stay in the beach for a year. I'm going to stop you from coming to my celebration. They came from Philadelphia, Connecticut all over the place. And couldn't get in the rooms and I didn't like that. But you can get on the beach. So I just finished Tennessee. And Tennessee is looking to come up this year. To celebrate with me. They come from all over. Why do they do that? Because I'm all over. I'm all over. I give. And look for nothing in return. It's wonderful. Find a God in your life as A.A. says. Find a higher power. One of your own choosing. That's what I love about A.A. Doesn't tell me who to serve. Find your own. And it's not done without the spiritual side of this program. Not religion. I'm not a religious person. I'm a spiritual person. You feel my spirit. I feel your spirit. I feel your spirit. I feel your spirit. I have my own spirit. I have my own spirit. So, I'm a spiritual person. I believe in a God that is greater than my spirit and my spirit is greater than my spirit. And I believe that God is greater. Greater is He. Greater is He, that is in you. Greater is He, that is in you. Than he, that is in the world. Talk to that one that's in you. Any kind of way you choose. He knows it. He wants you to. be any good and it has to be his will for me every day I've been flying now for 44 years after I spoke for Bill Wilson I got 32 speaking engagements I covered the whole 32 and that's what spreaded me out I want somebody to tell me one day when did I become a circuit speaker because I don't know about that I don't know a thing about it I only know that was taught never to say no never say no I love you guys oh my god do I love you you're my life I won't let you with me I don't I had to straighten my granddaughter out the other day and I lost myself because she's never seen this side of her nanny in 33 years but she says you're always too busy you're always too busy when you're gonna clean your room I said this is my room get out of it and she kept it up I said get out of it oh you're always I said you're not interfering what I've been doing for 53 and a half years nobody get out of my room so she stayed and of course I end up cursing her out you know that but you want to know she treats me like sugar pie because she didn't see that part of me she's never seen it I don't have to do that I don't have to live the old way I don't like the old me either I really don't I have a grandson who's an alcoholic or addict I don't know what he is really but he'd come in smelling of that crack and I said listen put them clothes in the yard or the great basement you're making me sick and you're gonna move he said I don't think so I said we'll see about that and I'm driving in a car one night and I said to the guys in the car I said I love my the dogs. What do you mean, Liz? He's out with the dogs anyway. So, see, my thinking would never go like that. So one night he came in at three in the morning and blasted the TV. The old me came back. He moved the next day. Okay? Moved the next day. Moved the next day. And he loves me. He's working now and he's going to school and he's living a good life. Sometimes we do have to have tough love. Sometimes. Please, adults, stop trying to raise another adult. It's a job. Taking care of you or me, taking care of me is a full-time job, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I love you guys. I thank you all for my beautiful weekend here. It has been beautiful. And my family from New York and all over. Oh! And Stan, you blew me away tonight. I'm so glad I'm sober and not drunk. I'd be gone. I'd be gone. And there's my other dog over there. I was happy to see her too this weekend. You all are just gorgeous in my life. And you know I love AA because it tells you you'll deal with people that you ordinarily wouldn't deal with. Isn't it wonderful? And I know when I first came to AA, I used to 12-step my black people. And they'd say, where's the black people? I said, you're not black. I said, you're not black. I said, you're not black. I said, you're not black. I said, you're not black. I said, you're not black. I said, you're not black. I said, you're not black. That's what they said and I said, I'm not black. And Yang's just a dumbass over at AA. And so, well, there's five minutes. There should be four minutes or five and a half minutes, makes or makes time. I haven't never gotten a 그렇게. And they've have a 다 and I've been looking atもの and between the uncooked, there's the most delicious things ever in acumido and couldn't. This is even my last breath. I want to say to each of you, love one another. Care for one another. Don't put one another down. Don't criticize. And AA, I love it. Because even if you've been out there, you come back, there's not one of us in these rooms can judge you or condemn you. The only thing we can do is if you allow us to love you back. Take that love. I wallow in it. Because you've saved me. Thank you all with my heart.