How It Works: All 12 Steps Walked Through One by One – Jack B.

Well, my name is Jack Brennan. I'm an alcoholic.
Hi.
I don't know whether to say, hi, y'all, or hi, partner, or what.
I don't know where the hell I am, and I care less.
It's AA meeting, and that's all I'm interested in.
And it seems to be not a little confusion,
but many people might wonder who the hell is this guy, you know,
that he holds a meeting on at 12 Steps.
Well, I didn't come here to push my opinion down anybody's throat.
But, you know, they do have, in the preamble,
there's no due process.
There's no dues, no fees, no thoughts, no nothing.
And a lot of people take that for gospel, which it is, for new people.
But after a good many years in AA, you begin to formulate some type of opinion.
You have to.
You just can't be walking through the world with two feet in midair.
You have to know where you're going.
And of late, maybe the past ten years,
I have watched a good many people come to AA and leave and die.
And I could never put my finger on why.
And I kind of looked at it because I don't like to see that.
It's very important to me that people come to AA to get a fair shake at it.
And I started to compare the AA in New York and several other places
with what I had in Brooklyn when I first came in.
And I found the reason.
People came into AA and got sober.
And they were quite happy and content with just sobriety.
And it wasn't enough.
And I don't believe, and any opinions that I express here tonight are strictly mine.
And you are welcome to disagree with them, verbally, mentally, any which damn way you please.
But you ain't about to change mine.
I'm a very dogmatic placer.
I am dogmatic to the point of emphasis, believe it.
Because I know that an alcoholic needs direction.
And when I looked about and I saw in Westchester County, for instance,
where I live now, northern Westchester,
I moved out of Brooklyn many years ago.
And I had a very fine group in Brooklyn, you know, that I went to.
They called it the Sunset Group, the Bay Ridge Group.
And when we formed a group, we formed a group with two thoughts in mind.
What night was the open meeting and what night was the closed meeting?
And the closed meeting was on the steps.
Nothing but the steps.
And we used to have a step meeting and an open meeting.
And the open meeting was the showcase of AA.
And the closed meeting was the workshop of AA,
where the alcoholic learned how to live with the disease that he had.
So when I go to various places, you know, I listen.
I don't talk too much really, except when I'm behind a podium like this.
I keep my opinions to myself mostly.
It's none of my damn business what anybody does.
But when I'm there, I sure have opinions, I tell you.
I'm a very opinionated person.
And I commuted back to Brooklyn for two years.
And it took me two hours each day.
Because I could find no AA in Westchester County.
Oh yeah.
There were open meetings and everybody went and probably drank coffee
and contributed to the group and went home at 10 o'clock and that was it.
And they used to take turns coming in and getting drunk.
It seemed to me like, you know, people used to say,
well now you were drunk last month, it's my turn this month.
And this was not my idea because, you see, my life was at stake.
I had to do as I was told to do.
And I went back to Brooklyn for two years.
I commuted back to Brooklyn twice a week
in order to keep AA and learn a little more about it.
So as I moved about, I finally opened a group in Mount Vernon, New York,
in the middle of Westchester County.
And it was a huge run and success.
It still is. It's still there at 11 years.
A closed meeting is a fixture.
And people came from far and wide to learn about their disease
because the alcoholic, he's interested in his disease.
And his wife and his family and his kids are interested in his disease.
Why is my father the way that he is?
What must he do, you see?
So a closed meeting to me is part of AA.
The most important part.
I can do without open meetings, but I can't do without closed meetings.
And I don't mean closed meetings.
You know, where you pick a subject at random.
I mean a very definite discussion of the steps
because they are beautiful things.
And it was written by a Jesuit, Monsignor J.J. Collins.
And he wrote a very beautiful piece about the 12 steps of AA.
He said that these are the steps that strong men climb towards spiritual perfection.
And he was always sorry that he was not an alcoholic.
And he died.
And he said, Jack, I'm only a priest.
He said, but you are something else.
All you people in AA.
He said, you are very special people
because you try so hard to climb towards spiritual perfection.
And he said the 12 steps that were given to you people
is also a gift from a higher power
because no one could have put these things together
a perfect direction for the alcoholic.
Sick, suffering alcoholic.
And those people that try, of course, never achieve spiritual perfection.
But it's in the trying and trying to attain one day at a time
a little more than yesterday
is what makes people what they are in AA.
And I like to liken this bit, you know,
to the alcoholic coming into AA
and he's just brand new
and he's just as confused as he can be.
And if you took this same individual
and locked him up in Sing Sing prison for five years
he'd be sober.
And then if you turned him loose into the world again
he wouldn't know how to operate.
He wouldn't know how to live.
And so I say that the 12 steps
are my guides given to me by Bill Wilson
and the first hundred people
in order to enable me to live with my disease
and carry me through.
And they're most important in my life.
Most important.
Now I would define here at this time
what my attitude towards spirituality is.
A person who is needed and wanted and loved.
And you will see that these 12 steps as we go through them
doesn't take too long.
Makes a person different.
Changes his complete and entire life.
And that's why we are here tonight.
So that I could tell you people about what I have learned over the years.
And anything that I tell you here
is not my own idea.
It's been given to me by somebody that went before me.
And that's very important for you to remember.
Because you know I would just as soon now
be home where I'm staying in a motel
got a color TV
and I don't have a color TV at home
but there's one there
and it cost me a dollar a night extra.
Because it's color.
And I haven't looked at that damn thing yet you know.
And I spent three dollars already
and it's pretty important.
So I could be there now looking at my color TV
I rented for the night
and I would enjoy it.
Of course tonight I believe Bonanza is on
or Gunsmoke and I love Gunsmoke.
But I'm here talking to you.
Not that I particularly enjoy talking to you.
I do love it of course.
But I could do other things.
But I'm here because I feel that
I should be here.
And it's a long trip
and you might as well get your monies worked out of me
while I'm here.
And of course a lot to fly in and fly out you know.
And get all that mileage out of me you can you know.
And to hell with the color TV.
Because I believe very firmly
that I was left in this world
to do exactly as I'm doing tonight.
Open meetings, closed meetings
it makes no difference.
When I talk about 88 I talk about my life.
And my life is an open book for anybody to read.
And I only hope that there are some people here
when I get through that will ask questions.
And I hope that these two dummies
that started this thing over here
I hope that they get so much support.
And I hope somehow along the way that they will
pick up a closed meeting here
and delve into the steps.
Because I want to tell you something
when I first opened my group in Mount Vernon
the Bride Unlimited group
better known as the Cops and Robbers group
we started with five.
Five people.
And when I left there some four years ago
because I could no longer support it
I turned it over to the people that had it.
It had one separated
and formed the Purdy's group.
And now the Purdy's group
and Sobriety Unlimited group
between them on a Friday night
at a closed meeting have some 250 people.
And they come from far and wide
because that is AA.
So I hope that these dummies here
they get the same kind of response.
And I hope that you people will support them.
And you will learn about your decisions
because if you are a sponsor
there'll come a day that someone will ask you a question
that you're sponsoring
and if you don't have the answer
he might lose his life.
And it's very important
as far as I'm concerned
that the people in AA
actually use all tools
that they have at their command.
And the tools at their command
in this instance is the 12 steps.
Because they enable you to live
with the disease that you have
that you'll never get rid of.
And they carry you on
as Good Father Collins said
towards spiritual perfection.
Never achieving it
but always striving toward it.
And it's in this striving
that the benefits come.
So we have here
the fifth chapter of the Big Book.
We were supposed to have
one of those little papers, you know.
So I have this separated.
And it's nice and big print
and I can read it well.
So we don't have one tonight
so I got to read it out of the book
and it's hard for me to read it.
But anyway
this to me is the gist of AA.
And how anybody
how anybody
can read this
and not understand it
is beyond me.
I don't know.
And yet there are people that say
well I don't bother with the steps.
And I don't take the steps.
I don't need them.
And I take only the first
and the twelfth.
And I get along and I'm sober.
Well I say this.
That during Second World War
there was a bomber
that was shot up pretty good.
And the bomber came down
of course in flames.
And the guy in the rear
the rear gunner
was trapped in the last half of the plane.
And the front of the plane
went down in crash
and everybody was killed.
And this one guy
rode this tail fuselage down
because he couldn't get out.
And he came down from a height of 27,000 feet.
And he hit
and he lived.
One man.
And they took him out
and they scooped him up a little bit
and dumped him in a basket
took him to the hospital
and he's well
and he's alive
and he's waking.
And he's a miracle.
But you see
I wouldn't say to anyone
that because that one man lived
that everybody can go up
and jump down
out of 27,000 feet
and expect the same thing.
It's ridiculous.
So if there is one individual around
who insists that
well I don't take this wealth
I don't need them.
Well that's your business.
That's his business.
But that is not the way to do it.
And that is not the recommended way to do it.
The recommended way here
in the fifth chapter of the big book
is to do the best that you can
to put these twelve steps into your life
so that when that day comes
that you are utterly defenseless
utterly and hopelessly defenseless
against the next drink
that you will have something to hang on to
and will carry over that time.
And that time does come in everybody's life.
And it says
rarely have we seen a person fail
who has thoroughly followed our path.
Followed our path.
Now that's quite clear to me.
I'm a pretty stupid fellow.
But when it says follow our path
does not make a new path.
It says follow the old path.
And the old path was
as described in the rest of the chapter.
Those who do not recover
are people who cannot
or will not completely
give themselves to this simple program.
And the word completely there
to me is the key.
Completely give themselves
to this simple program.
And that includes the twelve steps.
Not just the matter of being sober
because I guarantee you that
if I were only sober today
I would just as soon be drunk.
Because I couldn't stand the stink of me
when I came into AA and sobered up.
I had to change.
And I don't know anything pretty
about the disease of alcoholism.
And I don't know anybody that's sitting out there
that enjoyed what he did when he was drinking.
So if it be important for me to change
then I believe as nasty as I was
that it is just as important
for each individual coming into AA to change.
And if I'm wrong, well then I'm wrong.
But I don't think so.
Because I have seen people come into AA
loaded with money and good jobs and prestige
but they didn't like themselves.
And the whole key to this program
I do believe is getting to like yourself.
Getting to be able to like yourself
so that you can live with yourself.
And getting to like yourself
because then if you like yourself
you can learn to love yourself.
And you can't give away something
that you haven't got.
And if you don't like yourself
then you can't like anyone.
And if you don't love yourself
you certainly can't love anyone.
Because you are simply impossible
for you to give away something
that you don't possess.
And so therefore you must learn to like yourself
and you must learn to love yourself
before you can do it to any man.
And I would say here too that Robert Burns once said
not the guy that makes the cigars you know
the other Robert Burns that writes the poetry
and he once said you know
the greatest gift that God could give me
that I see myself as others see me
and that's so important
because now the 12 steps enabled me
to see myself as others see me.
And I stand here tonight and I tell you
I like me good.
And I tell you I love me too.
And because I do then I'm able to love you see.
And I attribute everything that I have in this world
to doing the best that I can
to put the 12 steps into my life each and every day.
And I've learned about them thoroughly and completely
and I'm quite satisfied with me.
So now that again is the only reason that I'm here
to give you something if you want it
that I found to be true for me.
And if you like it good
and if you don't well of course
the coffee is still good.
This is the first group that I was ever at
that they had two types of coffee
light and strong.
I don't understand it really
because I came from you got coffee
and if you didn't like it
you could kiss my you know what you know.
Whether it was good better than different
we came here for AA not coffee.
And anybody that growled about the coffee
was promptly told shut your mouth sit down
take the cotton out of your mouth
stuff it in your ear
take it out of your ear
and stuff it in your mouth
and listen maybe you'll save your life.
Things have not changed.
St. Louis, Illinois, Indiana
wherever the hell I am tonight
same thing.
Take the cotton out of your ear
stuff it in your mouth
and listen maybe you'll save your own life too.
So here we go then.
Oh boy.
They're making this print smaller and smaller all the time.
That's supposed to be a joke.
Nobody laughs.
You are a tough bunch here.
Usually men and women
who are constitutionally incapable
of being honest with themselves
there are such unfortunates.
They are not at fault.
They seem to have been born that way.
They are naturally incapable
they are naturally incapable
of grasping and developing a manner of living
which demands rigorous honesty.
Their chances are less than average.
There are those too who suffer from grave emotional
and mental disorders
but many of them too recover
if they have the capacity to be honest.
So you see now
these 12 steps were written
by the first hundred in AA
and in that first hundred
were the finest brains in the country, believe me
trying desperately to help a miracle along
that was Bill Wilson.
Bill Wilson wasn't capable of writing these steps.
Bill Wilson wasn't capable of getting himself locked up
when he came into AA.
So it had nothing to do with Bill Wilson
it had nothing to do with the brains
but again we see the hand of the higher power
because all this mass of wonderful things
that we have here in these 12 steps
are completely impossible for one man to put together
and they were put together out of love
and a tremendous bit.
But there are those
who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders
but many of them too recover
if they have the capacity to be honest.
What does that mean?
Well I hear people in AA today say
well he takes a few pills you know
but he is emotionally disturbed.
Oh my god I was emotionally disturbed
when I got here too
and if you hadn't had as many cops
sticking guns in your face as I did
you would be emotionally disturbed also.
But you see I never took any pills
because they told me here in this chapter
that there are those
who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders
but they too can recover
if they have the capacity to be honest.
So to my mind that knocked out all hospitals
and doctors and everything
and touted me off on one thing
put my money on this AA program and the 12 steps
and I could live
and I'm the walking proof that it works
because I was emotionally and mentally disturbed
and I never went to a doctor or a hospital
I never went anywhere
I only trusted implicitly
in what these people told me
what my sponsor told me
and I lived and I grew and I'm happy
and I think that you too can do the same.
Our stories are disclosed in a general way
what we used to be like
what happened and what we are like now.
You have decided you want what we have
and are willing to go to any length to get it
and then you are ready to take certain steps.
Now think about what that says.
If you want what we have
now this is the first hundred talking in AA
if you want to change your life
and you want to stay sober
and you want what we have
and are willing to go to any length to get it
then you are ready to take certain steps.
What does that mean?
Well to my mind it means that
white people would say there are no musts in AA
I heard that always for too many years
there are no musts in AA
that's right
and this proves that there are no musts
and it says in this paragraph to me
that if you don't want sobriety
and a new way of life fine
that's your business
but if you do want sobriety
and a new way of life
then you must do as we did
you must do as we did if you want what we got
that's what it says here
and now you take that
and you put that in your pipe
and you smoke it
and when the next guy that tells you
there are no musts in AA right
you agree with that completely
and you don't have to stay sober either
and you don't have to have peace in your heart and serenity
you don't have to have all these things
but if you do want them
then this is what you must do
put the steps into your life
you are ready then to take certain steps
at some of these we balked
we thought we could find an easier, softer way
to no avail
but we could not
without all the earnestness at our command
we beg of you
to be fearless and thorough from the very start
some of us tried to hold on to our old ways
and the result was nil
until we let go absolutely
well now it seems to me that the whole thing is quite clear
you're given your choice here
if you come into AA and you get sober
and you just live as you want to live
and do as you want to do
and run the risk of playing Russian roulette
that's your business
but if you want to grow
you want to be completely at ease with yourself
you want to be able to help other people
then you have to do as we did
it says at some of these we balked
we thought we could find an easier, softer way
now isn't that a perfect description
and a warning against pills?
I think so
isn't that an easier and softer way, you think?
and doesn't it warn us here too
that if we try this it will be to no avail?
we absolutely have no avail to us
there's no easier, softer way
and doesn't that too indicate that
instead of sitting home watching gun smoke
that sometimes when you want to go to a meeting
and don't want to go
that that's the very time that you must force yourself to go
this is the way that it works, you see
because I don't believe that anybody in this world
can develop a good brand of sobriety and happiness
and peace of mind through osmosis
I don't believe it
I believe that you have to work for everything in this world as you want
and working on yourself is a tremendous problem
it's a big, huge job
now if you take the alcoholic
you'll find out that the alcoholic becomes his own doctor
his own sociologist
becomes his own marriage counselor
he becomes his own psychiatrist
he becomes his own priest and minister
he becomes everything complete unto himself
until he learns
after he's sober
that he can now go out into the world and be like other people
now we have a tremendous job to do
tremendous
we are helpless and hopeless
we are hopeless people
there has been no help for us in the world until 38 years ago
when Bill Wilson got this program from the higher power
and once he got that program
he worked it out to such as we're here tonight
and it hasn't changed
there is still no help for us anywhere in this world
except here at the AA meetings
and I liken an individual who comes into AA
and says that he don't need the steps
that things really weren't that bad
I liken that to a guy that wins a sweepstake
and then he looks at the ticket
and sees that he has the winning number
then he says gee I won
that's nice
and then he tears up the ticket
you would say that that's ridiculous
but that's exactly what happens
because we come to AA
and we win the breath ring
and we grab the breath ring
and we win the sweepstake
and then we putter along
and tear up the winnings
tear up the winning ticket
because we refuse to change
and we refuse to put the 12 steps into our lives
I don't think it's good business
I don't think it's smart in any which way
I want everything that I can get
to guarantee my behavior
and I want everything that I can get
to guarantee my sobriety
and my sanity
and my life
and I want to be as fairly happy as I can be
and if they told me when I came to AA
to go into the corner
and stand on my head
at 8 hours each day
I would have done it
because I wanted
what they described here in this chapter
willing to go to any lengths to get it
my god I was willing to go to any lengths to get it
I wanted it so bad I could taste it
and when they told me that if I did what I did do
as they had done
that I would one day stand up
and look at the world without fear
I said that's for me
now has the disease of alcoholism changed that much
I don't believe it
I don't believe it
because there are still people that are
running down other people with automobiles
and terrible accidents
and homes being broken up by the thousands every day
and I can't believe that the disease of alcoholism
has become not that bad
and I don't believe that there's any alcoholic sitting in this room
that somewhere in the back
hasn't got something that he wishes had never happened
but did because of alcoholism
and if I'm wrong then you correct me later
you'll get your bet
but you see I don't think that I hear
but here we go now we remember
that alcohol
that we deal with alcohol
cunning baffling and powerful
and without help it is too much for us
but there is one who has all power
and that one is God
and may you find him now
and what is this all leading to
this is a prelude to the 12 steps
it says
half measures availed us nothing
half measures availed us nothing
we stood at a turning point
we asked for protection
and we asked for his protection
and care with complete abandon
here are the steps we took
which are suggested as a program of recovery
yes they are suggested
if you want what we got
this is the way we did it
and we suggest that you do it
and if you do you have what we got
and if you don't you won't
it's just that simple
so we go on to the steps
and it says or admitted
we were powerless over alcohol
and our lives had become unmanageable
number one big order
and I would point out here
that these steps are numbered
and the numbers are there for a reason
I have heard people stand up at AA meetings
and say I take the steps cafeteria style
is that the way you drive your car too
cafeteria style
do you gamble up on a corner stop sign or a yield
no you don't
and this is the most important thing
that you'll ever do in your life
more important than driving a car
more important than writing up a program
of what you've done in the past
or what you've done in the past
to give to your new boss
when you're looking for a job
more important than anything you could ever do in your life
and a guy will stand up and say
well I take it cafeteria style
you ask some jackass you
I wouldn't
I want it to be just as it's supposed to be
and I have asked many many people
before me or in AA
just exactly why do I do it
one two three
because they are numbered for a reason
and you'll find that the beauty in these steps is
that they take the sick alcoholic coming in the door
and actually give him no more than he can handle
and they pass one step or pass him on to the next
one after the other
it's a complete beautiful way of changing your life
now the first three steps
are nothing more than decision steps
a guy can come to AA for a month or three weeks
and not do one blessed thing
and not answer any questions
and stand in a corner
and listen and absorb
and take the first three steps
there is nothing demanded of you
in the first three steps
at only one thing
mind and heart to be put together
you see
only a decision
has to be made
in the first three steps
and then
if you make that decision
in the first three steps
you are ready to go on to the fourth, fifth and sixth
and if you haven't made that decision
you are not ready for the fourth, fifth and sixth
and if you take the fourth, fifth and sixth
because you are finished with the first, second and third
then you are ready for the seventh, eighth and ninth
and then if you do that
and get that far
then you are ready for your 11th, 12th
ah, 10th, 11th, 12th
and twelfth. It's very beautiful. And when you stand back and look back and listen to
all the thousands of closed meetings that I've attended, and you sit across from a newcomer
and watch the sudden light dawn in him when one of these steps hits home, and he says,
now I understand what they're talking about. And it's a beautiful, wonderful thing to watch.
And I am never amazed, I never cease to be amazed at the beauty of these things. I've
watched people commit to AA too long, and I need newcomers. I need new people. I need
to see the fallen down, beat up drunk. I gotta watch the guy that's shaking it out, because
it proves to me that if I watch him long enough, and he does what he's supposed to do, that
again, he'll blossom and grow.
And I wish that I could see him grow. And I wish that I could see him grow. And I wish
that I could see him grow. And I wish that I could see him grow. And I wish that I could
say, you know, you have had the privilege that I have had watching kids come into AA,
not kids, but come into AA with their fathers and mothers after they get sober. And I would
watch you see the change in the kids. Because the father changes, the mother changes. Because
the mother and the father both change, the kids change.
And I have watched times we've put together that alcohol, destroyed, pulled apart. And
it's a beautiful thing to watch. And this said, all the garbage in my life is what I
must see.
So I would no more think of staying home on a Wednesday night
from the previous night group, a closed meeting, a step meeting.
I would no more think of staying home if I had a broken leg
or I was in Indiana or somewhere.
If I'm home, I'm there because I need AA.
I'm an alcoholic.
My life is unmanageable.
As I said to myself 25 years ago when I walked into AA,
I can't operate no more.
I'm sick and I'm dying.
So I took the first step.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol
and that my life had become unmanageable.
I took that the moment I arrived, even before I arrived.
I just didn't know anything else,
that I just didn't want to drink no more, period,
until I had taken the first step.
And I didn't argue with her.
I never argued with anything in AA.
Number two is that we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves
could restore us to sanity.
And there's been a great deal of debate on that sanity part.
A lot of people say, I wasn't ever crazy.
You weren't crazy?
Well, I guarantee you one thing.
You didn't act with good sense.
And that, if you don't know it, is the meaning of insanity.
A person who acts in the throes of passion
or heartfelt something or other without good sense.
Well, you can't deny that you acted without good sense on many occasions.
Nobody, nobody that I know of gets into a car
and goes out drinking and forgets where he leaves the car.
And I'm sure that many of you have done that.
I'm sure, too, that people don't walk in
and tell the boss off at a Christmas party
and then worry about it before he comes back to work.
That is not using good sense.
And if you don't use good sense when you think
that you are in a state of insanity,
so now that we've got that out of the way,
it doesn't mean anything about being locked up in a hospital
or a state hospital or a straitjacket.
I was that.
I was that.
But there are people walking in the street
that never knew anything about hospitals or prisons
or anything else that act without good sense.
They are insane when they do those things.
They work on emotions and passions.
So I came very easily, came to believe that a power
greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
Who was that power?
That little Jewish fellow that came to pick me up.
My sponsor.
This guy said, I have to drink no more.
You come with me, you'll be all right.
And I believed him.
So I believed in a power greater than myself.
And I came to where he took me.
It happened to be AA.
And he said, here you will be safe.
And nobody will holler at you.
Nobody will scream at you.
And you're welcome and we need you and we love you.
Stay.
So I came at this group then.
The Sunset Group in Brooklyn was my higher power.
And these people knew how to stay sober.
I didn't.
So I stayed with my higher power.
Every moment that I had, and I stayed and I would go strong.
And then the third step, he said, made a decision to turn our life
and our will over to the care of God as we understood him.
And I asked my sponsor about that.
And he said, very simple.
This is a God-given, God-inspired program.
So if you come here to AA, just come to AA, you are turning your life and will
over to the care of God as you understood him.
Because he sends your sponsor out for you and brings you here so that you won't drink
no more.
And if you go home and come back again sober, then you are doing as he would have you do.
And you are living according to what he understands for you.
He wants you in AA because he has proven to you, number one, that you are an alcoholic.
And number two, that your sponsor is good enough to bring you and that here is sobriety
and the rest is just your continued addiction.
And number three, that you are turning your life and will over to the care of God as you
understand him.
Because this is a God-given, God-inspired program.
I believed it.
It didn't say that I had to go to church.
It didn't say that I had to run and go to confession.
Or it didn't say I had to run and go to my shul or rabbi or if I were Jewish or my minister
if I had nothing whatsoever to do with religion, except that I believed that the guy upstairs
had put this program here.
The sick.
The alcoholic.
He sent that little Jewish man out to get me and bring me here so that I could live.
So I came to believe right then.
And as yet, those three steps were up here and in my heart.
Nowhere else.
I signed no papers, no declarations, no nothing.
But I wanted what my friend had.
So I stayed and I was willing to go to any length to get it.
Well, the first three steps were fine.
I had no trouble with them.
And then I came to the fourth step and I asked my friend Sam, I said, how do I do that?
Because I can't write.
He says, make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
And you know that word, searching and fearless moral inventory.
That shows a lot of people.
To the men, it brings into mind all the dancing girls, you know, moral inventory and to the
women.
To the men, it brings into mind dancing men.
I don't know.
But it brings a very untrue picture of what is meant here.
What might even be dancing he-she's or it's or what.
But anyway, that's not right.
That's wrong.
Because you see, the alcoholic has nothing to do with sex.
Sex might be a part of it.
But that is not the context of this thing.
This is not what is meant.
We have a moral obligation in many, many areas.
We are morally bound to support our family.
We are morally bound to take care of our bodies that God gave us.
We are morally bound to do a lot of things, be a good neighbor to other people.
So you see, this to me is the moral inventory.
This to me is the moral inventory that they want us to take.
What makes you different than the guy up the street that everybody admires?
What makes you different?
What makes you not a good father like the guy next door?
What makes you not a good wife?
What makes you hated by all your neighbors?
Why does the board groan every time that you show up on the job?
Those are your moral obligations that you have neglected on account of booze.
And this is the area that you should concentrate on in your moral inventory.
And it tells us that we should write it down.
A lot of people say, why?
Why?
Very simple.
Because by halfway through the month, you will go to work one morning and you will say,
did I pay the gas bill?
Well, I don't know.
I don't know.
Do I have enough in the bank?
I don't know because I don't remember if I made that, you know.
If confusion reigns, then we all get wet.
That's the way that it works.
And the alcoholic suffering from the disease of alcoholism has a little thing this big,
and in his mind, it becomes that big.
He is the worst in the world.
And everything starts going around and around and around,
and the minute he starts to think, he is going to, he can't do it.
It's impossible.
So they tell us here, these wonderful, smart people that wrote this thing, write it down.
So we write it down.
What makes us different from our neighbor that we admire so much?
What makes us different from the guy on the job that's getting all the raises and promotions?
And why do our children run from us instead of coming to us like the neighbor's kids do to him?
And you write these things down.
And then a beautiful...
A beautiful, wonderful thing happens.
You get it out of here and on a piece of paper.
And you know, you look at that paper and you say, you know something?
It really wasn't as bad that I thought it was.
And a great relief comes.
And you say, well, now I know where I'm going.
It's just like me calling the airport and asking them what flights go to here, whatever that was,
and do they go nonstop?
Can I get one at three?
Can I have to wait till six?
And if I get there, will I make connections coming back?
I find out where I'm going because I have a job to do.
I have to know me.
I have to know where I'm going in order for me to be able to go.
I don't know anybody that would jump into a car and take off for Quebec, Canada without a road map.
I don't know anybody like this.
Only an alcoholic will do it.
He will come into AA.
And he will say, I'm going to change my life.
I'm going to be an outhouse anonymous.
And you don't need the steps.
You don't need the steps.
Where are you going?
How the hell do you know where you're going if you don't take the steps?
And if you don't take this moral inventory and find out what has to be corrected,
you'll never be able to take the fifth and sixth step.
See, one here is dependent on the other.
They're interlocked just like the fingers in my hands there.
They are interlocked, one with the other.
And if you go along straight away,
this is the first time in these steps in the fourth that we are asked to do anything.
Actually do anything.
And we are asked to take a moral inventory.
Another very strange thing happens.
It's like having a hot potato in your hand.
You take a good look at you.
You don't like it too well.
And a lot of people say, well, I always put down a few good things
because the bad things depress me so much.
And I say, well, I never did anything good.
I never put down.
And if I ever did anything good, it never got me drunk.
Doing good things never got me drunk.
But some of that crap I put down did get me drunk.
So that's what I put down.
Because, you know, the alcoholic, again, we go back to this chapter,
find an easier, softer way.
Oh, isn't that the alcoholic?
How well they knew us, isn't it?
They never knew that I'd be in AA some years later.
But they knew I was coming.
Because that applied to me.
And that applied to all the con artists in AA.
You know, they used to sell the Brooklyn Bridge up there regularly in New York.
Always alcoholic.
You could sell the Brooklyn Bridge to one of them people from Indiana, you know.
And the poor slobber thing is going to put up tolls and everything, you know.
Con artists.
And you know who we con most?
Ourselves.
It's really not that important.
But it is that important because later on you'll see that it becomes extremely important
that we do this thing properly from the beginning.
So the fourth step, we make our moral inventory.
And the fifth, we admit to God, to ourselves,
as another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
The exact nature of our wrongs.
We don't write to him with a little piece of paper that we wrote on, no.
We just go down and we sit with him.
And we tell him, look.
These are the things that happened in my life because of booze.
And you know what it does for you?
It takes your ego and knocks it way down.
Because now, there's one other individual in this world that knows you
that you can't ever con.
You can't ever say to him, well, no.
He knows you now.
He knows you good.
And the minute you say, well, you know.
You say, hey.
Remember, I'm still here.
And your ego will down, down.
With a collar on his neck.
We don't speak of a rabbi.
And we don't go to confession and say, that's good enough.
No, that's not my idea because the ego was still there then.
And you know.
You know in your heart that you've taken a shortcut.
And there is no danger this guy ever spilling the beans on you or what.
And a lot of people, too, will say, well, suppose he gets drunk.
I say, suppose he does.
We have taken the third step.
We have turned our life and will over to the care of God as we understand him.
And he will not let us get hurt.
And it, again, this will strengthen our faith in this program and the guy upstairs.
And when this thing is turned over, the fifth step is turned over to somebody else,
to God, yourself, and another human being, what a relief comes.
Now you are anxious to continue.
And then it comes to the sixth step.
We are entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Yeah.
And you know something.
If you are not ready, don't ask for it.
Because you know how God removes?
He brings them and puts them right in front of our face.
And either we do something about them.
We can't knock them on the side because they are like on a pendulum.
They come right back on, too.
We do do something about them.
And defects of character, I would say here,
are things that we are doing that we are not supposed to be.
That's a defect of character.
And it's very obvious.
It was obvious to me when I came in.
Thou shalt not beat thy wife.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not stick up banks.
You know, it was very easy to find my defect of character.
Thou shalt not punch policemen because they have clubs.
.
And I am not likening this to religion at all.
Not at all.
But there are certain things that you shouldn't do that are defects of character that are getting you in trouble.
You don't call a boss up drunk and tell him what he can do with his job and expect to go back to work.
So these are defects of character.
And you don't run the kids off when they come near you.
And you do give your wife a little hand around the house here and there when she's not feeling well.
And these things are defects of character.
And we look into our defects of character.
And we are entirely ready to have God remove them.
Now we get the help.
If we recognize the defect of character, we will get the help.
And when these things come up in front of us, you say,
My God, that's one of those things that I should not be doing and I'm not going to do it.
And after the first time it becomes very easy.
And then it says,
Hungry asked him to remove our shortcomings.
And there have been meetings, complete meetings spent on the difference between shortcomings and character defects.
Well, character defects and shortcomings are different, although they're the same.
You see, a shortcoming that we're not obviously aware of is something that we are not doing that we should be.
A character defect is something that we do that we're not supposed to be.
And the other one, a shortcoming, is something that we should be.
Something that we should be doing and aren't.
And you say, well, I do everything I'm supposed to.
No. No.
There are things that we are supposed to do that we are completely, as alcoholics, unaware of.
Unaware of.
We don't know that.
On Saturday morning, a lot of kids go fishing with their fathers.
A lot of kids go to ball games.
A lot of people get time out.
You know, the wife might be told, well, on Sunday afternoon,
Why don't you run over and see your mother?
I'll take care of the kids.
There's a lot of women, you know, or spouses around that don't know that.
Maybe once in a while, the old lady don't feel good.
You pick up the dishes, you know, help a little bit.
Or when the garage door is falling off, you know, it's been falling off for two years.
And nobody wants to fix it, you know.
There ain't enough money to call in the carpenter.
That's a character defect in one side, and it's also a shortcoming on the other.
So you see, all these things are very important because we are unaware of all these things.
And after, in a six-step, we ask for help in recognizing them,
we start to recognize them, and then it's very important
that we do recognize that this is the way that the man upstairs has
of removing our character defects and shortcomings
by making us aware of them and allowing us to do something about them.
And then we come to a big one.
Make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.
And the big key word in there is become willing.
Because many people come into AA and they can't stand the stink of them.
And they look through the steps very quickly and grab number eight.
And then they run around and start ringing doorbells and saying,
I'm sorry.
And along the way somewhere, somebody bugs them right in the mouth
and they say, boy, AA don't work.
That's not making amends.
But you see, what it does do for a non-initiated individual
that don't know about steps, it relieves him.
He feels uncomfortable.
He don't feel right.
He's now looking back at the damage that he's done and he don't feel good.
And, oh, boy, I want to get rid of this crap because I want to feel better.
I, me, and myself.
So, you see, it does not mean
that we should run around and ring doorbells and apologize.
No, not a bit.
And it also means that you do this step in the eighth place in AA.
Because how do you know that the guy that you're running around apologizing tonight,
you won't want to go back there tomorrow and say,
I made a boo-boo and bash him in his face.
You don't know.
You're too young.
You haven't started in AA yet.
You've got to wait.
You've got to make your list of who you hate.
And your list generally is based on the fourth step.
So now, you see, if you haven't taken the fourth, how the hell can you take the eighth?
Because you don't know who to apologize to.
You don't know who to make amends to.
You don't know where you're going.
You know just about as smart as Vinnie the dunce.
And, you know, they talk about a loony-goony bird.
Did you ever hear of a loony-goony bird?
Very popular in AA.
He flies in ever-diminishing concentric circles.
An ever-diminishing concentric circle is a circle that is perfectly round
but keeps getting just a little bit smaller and smaller.
And do you know what happens to the loony-goony bird?
One day, he flies right down his own throat and disappears.
And if he happens to be going the other way, you know where he flies.
Right?
So I say that AA, in the beginning, can be full of loony-goony birds
that are running around in ever-diminishing concentric circles.
And then you say, what happened? Where'd he go?
Remember where he went, depending on which way he was flying.
He either went down his throat or you know what.
Take it easy.
This is what they mean by the stuff, easy does it, by the slogan.
Easy does it, but do it.
Easy does it, but do it.
And think. Think.
How important that word is.
Because if we think, then we will not act with insane thinking
and we will not be guilty again in the second step, acting in an insane manner.
Can you imagine going back home to a wife that you've abused for years
and saying, I'm sorry, dear?
It means nothing.
You've said sorry since the minute you were born if you're an alcoholic.
You're sorry for it. You're sorry for that.
It means absolutely nothing.
But it does mean something that when you try
to make amends to those close to you at the proper time,
then it means something by your actions, don't you see?
And if you don't want to take these steps,
then I don't see how you could possibly survive in this world of alcoholism.
And this is step number nine.
Make direct amends to such people wherever they are.
It's impossible except when to do so within you, them, or others.
Well, you see, a lot of times amends is a long time coming.
And that's why in number eight it says become willing.
That's the key.
We become willing to make amends when the opportunity presents itself.
We don't force it. We don't push it.
We wait because we have turned our life and will over to the care of God
as we understand him.
And God will give up, a higher power will give up the opportunity to make amends
in his good time, not yours.
So you see, those few people around us that we can make direct amends to now,
you're the guy next door, five bucks, give it to him.
You owe your wife something, go and tell her about it or do something.
But those things that you can do, except when to do so,
would injure them or others.
You must all be prepared to think this thing out for yourself
and know who you can go to and who you can't go to.
And this is the way that the ninth step works.
Now it says in the tenth, continue to take personal inventory
and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Now that's a very beautiful place for that step.
Because the guy is going along hell-bent for election
and he's going through these steps, usually one a week.
And by the way, before I forget to say it, that you will realize one thing,
that this program is based on 90 days.
And if an individual comes into AA, takes the first step when he gets here,
the first week, stays sober.
And then the second week, tries the second step and the third step,
to the best of his ability.
Don't wait to clear up.
You say, well, I can't do it now.
No, do it now. You can do it now.
To the best of your ability.
Because they have even put a kicker in here for that.
They have even done that.
What a beautiful, well-thought program this is.
Because here, about the tenth step is...
Continue to take personal inventory, and when wrong, promptly admit it.
Well now, if you continue to take one step a week,
and by the time you get to the tenth, and by the time you get to the twelfth step,
you realize something has happened.
You have got 90 days of sobriety.
Because 12 steps, one a week, it winds up to be three months, 90 days.
And now you're able to go out and go on 12-step call.
Now you're able to go out and speak at open meetings.
So you see how important the timing is here.
And this tenth step comes in just a beautiful place.
Because as your sobriety increases, the mind becomes a little clearer.
And things start to come back to you that maybe you've forgotten in the fourth step.
But here you're laying in bed one night, and all of a sudden something, boom, comes in your mind.
And you don't have to panic.
You simply take the tenth step.
Continue to take personal inventory.
And when wrong, promptly admit it.
Because you know, as we grow in AA, what was right yesterday becomes wrong tomorrow.
And what was wrong yesterday becomes right tomorrow.
So this program leaves us very flexible.
And you can be dogmatic one day about something,
but you say, well, today I see it differently, I'm wrong.
And you promptly admit it.
To you.
So it leaves the door open for all occasions.
And then number eleven.
Sort through prayer and meditation.
To improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him.
Praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
What is His will for us?
That we continue here to be in AA.
And we continue to change our lives so that when the new man comes through the door,
we will be able to help the new man.
And if we don't know what the hell we're doing ourselves, we can't help the new man.
So now that we know that we are sober,
in the eleventh step, which is about almost ninety days into the program,
at one a week, at that rate,
this person now is charged up with something.
And I call it charged up with gratitude.
Because the person now that does this and sees his life start to unfold like a flower in the field,
this guy has got to be full of gratitude.
And certainly one day you'll wake up,
and you'll say,
My God, I'm sober.
I'm really sober.
And people are talking to me again.
And the world is absolutely changing.
And you become so aware of what AA has done for you.
And the eleventh step comes to mind.
So through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him.
My little prayer there, the secret,
does that for me each morning.
I stand up and I say to all that listen,
when I get up in the morning,
I'm going to point myself in the proper direction.
Because at this point here,
in the eleventh step,
a person who has not taken the others will become very egotistical.
His ego will increase rather than decrease.
And he will say,
By a good job I'm doing.
And I want to tell you something.
Without AA, without Alcoholics Anonymous,
no alcoholic is capable of coming in out of the rain.
Nothing.
And I don't make no mistake about that.
And I don't care that if you've got 45 college degrees and you're a millionaire,
you are not worth a tinker's damn without AA.
You can do nothing by yourself.
And all you have to do to prove that statement
is if you're so damn smart,
why are you sitting here listening to a jackass like me?
If you're so clever all by yourself,
how can you possibly listen to me?
And if you're so damn smart,
why can't you take one drink?
My kid home can take a drink and say,
Well, that's good, I like it.
And you can't.
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
You all-powerful you.
So you see, there is no room here in AA for ego.
None.
And those people that are afflicted with ego,
will not in the 11th step take it by any means.
Not by any means.
Because they are keeping themselves sober.
Not the guy upstairs.
Not the guy upstairs.
They owe him nothing.
And you'll hear them stand up and say,
I don't take anything but the first and the 12th step.
Why?
Because you're scared of what's in the middle.
You got no guts.
And I'll tell you right to your damn faith,
you got no guts.
And I don't care who you are,
I don't care where you come from,
and I don't care where you're going.
You have no guts.
And they warn us about you in this chapter of the big book.
There are those that will seek easier and softer methods,
to no avail.
And if the shoe fits you, you damn well wear it.
And if it doesn't, good, that's alright too.
But you see, I have to,
of necessity,
in order for me to be honest with me,
I have to tell you the way that I did it.
And I did it, I owe everything in this world
to AA and a higher power.
Nobody else.
And when this step came along,
and I suddenly realized that I was sober,
and that I had gone X number of days without a drink,
and that I was able to bend over and find my shoes
without falling flat on my face and blacking out,
I said, my God,
thank you.
You see,
I improved my conscious contact with God
because I was full of gratitude.
And I had to thank somebody,
and that little Jew that was my sponsor,
he wouldn't take my gratitude.
And he said, choke on it, you big fat Irish dummy.
And I hated him for the moment because,
you see, I wanted to thank somebody
because I was sober.
And he said, no, not me.
You thank the guy upstairs,
because he is the one that is the head of this program.
And because of him sending you,
him sending me for you,
that's why you're sober.
You owe me nothing because I got the same debt.
So I was forced then to look at my friend upstairs.
Because, you know,
gratitude like hate
will strangle you up here.
If you're full of gratitude and don't do something about it,
you can die from it.
Because your heart will swell up and burst inside you.
And this is why that we must have somewhere
to lay our gratitude here.
And the 11th step is there for that reason.
Because after looking back through these 8 steps
or 9 or 10 previous,
we come to the 11th,
we should, if we have taken these steps properly,
be so full of gratitude for sobriety that we have
and a new way of life that's offered to us.
And that we have to improve our conscious contact with God
as we understand Him.
No matter what your idea of God,
thank Him.
Thank Him and realize from where your help came.
From where your help came.
And if you do that,
then you're ready for the 12th step.
And if you're not ready for the 12th step,
don't do it.
Because how can you go into a home
where there's chaos and kids hiding under beds
and crying in corners and in closets
and a woman crying into aprons,
don't know what to do with a sick dying man.
And how can you,
phony bum,
go into a home that,
and tell these people
that you can take this fella out
and straighten him out.
You can't.
Because you don't have AA.
You don't have AA.
You may have a big ego and a big car.
But you see,
AA is in here.
It is in the heart.
The love of one alcoholic for the other.
The empathy that the doctors don't know
and the scientists can't understand.
That is what AA is.
That is what AA is.
And if you called it BB or CC,
it would be the same thing.
What is AA?
Simply a thought.
A thought.
Nothing more than a thought.
I am helpless and hopeless.
But I can live.
And not only can I live,
but I can help other people.
Now I defy you.
I defy you.
To go into a home
and leave there something that you don't have.
I want to see that proud,
egotistical bum that says he can do it.
I want to see him.
Because you know something.
Miracles come from upstairs.
They don't come from here.
And the things that bore, bear miracles
are coming from the heart of the alcoholic
who is honest with himself.
And the individual that is honest with himself knows
that he can do nothing.
And he could never, ever stay sober
if the higher power were not in the picture.
And AA being here enables you to stay sober.
And AA is here because of the higher power.
And if you can't admit that,
then I feel very sorry for you.
My heart bleeds for you.
I pray for you tonight.
Because you have won the sweepstakes.
And you've torn up the ticket.
But don't do any 12-step work.
Because you see, 12-step work is something very, very special.
Must be done with the heart.
That is why that when a person goes to visit an alcoholic,
the feeling that comes over him
is a God-given, God-inspired feeling.
And in reality,
what the higher power is putting into us at that moment,
if we have these steps in our heart,
is that here, you had it done for you,
now you take it and do it for him.
And remember,
remember from where your help came.
So you don't go to him and tell him what a big man you are
in the business world,
or isn't it nice to ride in an air-conditioned Cadillac,
you say no.
No, you don't say those things.
You say to him,
I understand how you feel.
Because I too was once like you.
And if you've got what I want,
if I've got what you want,
then you come with me,
and I can show you how to do it.
I can't do it for you,
but I can show you how to do it.
And you bring him back into AA,
with you,
and you introduce him to the higher power,
and he is off on another one.
Another one off to the golden key,
believe it.
Well, the Twelve Steps says that,
having had a spiritual awakening...
Oh, certainly,
I don't know where the hell I'm at.
You ever see anybody so confused?
Having had a spiritual awakening,
as the result of these steps.
Amazing.
When I woke up one morning,
I put my feet on the floor,
and I was suddenly overwhelmed with one fact.
You're sober.
And I bent over that morning and tied my shoes.
And that was a spiritual awakening to me.
And I tried to figure out in my sick mind,
how long I was sober.
And I couldn't.
Because you know there's seven days in a week,
and four weeks in a month,
and I couldn't put seven days,
and I didn't...
I couldn't understand.
And I called somebody up,
or I went to see them,
and I said,
how long have I been sober?
And they put it into time for me.
And the feeling that I had inside me,
my God,
I'm sober.
And I'm really sober.
Do you know what it is being off booze
and being really sober?
Big difference.
Because I've been sober before,
three or four days,
afraid to move out of the house
because there was a cop waiting
or a straitjacket warning.
And I've been sober.
But now I'm really sober.
I'm really sober because I am what I want to be.
And I don't need to drink no more.
And the whole world opened up for me that morning.
That one particular morning,
I had my spiritual awakening.
And the second thought I had, I said,
Sam Cohn is a beautiful man.
And then I went to Sam Cohn later,
but no, no, not me.
Man upstairs.
So you see, I was pushed right into the presence
of the man upstairs that particular morning.
I had my spiritual awakening.
Well, I've been very successful with 12-step calls.
Extremely successful.
I don't know why, I think,
but I do feel that I know why.
I think because that when I go,
I always see me sitting on the bed
or laying on the floor
or sitting behind bars.
And then I come to the program
and I see that slogan that says,
But for the grace of God.
And I look at these sick individuals
and I say,
But for the grace of God, that's me.
So you see, I'm always completely aware
of the presence of the guy upstairs
and how fortunate that I am here in AA.
And this is the 12-step.
Having had a spiritual awakening,
when you come to realize
that you no longer have to drink,
it's not when you go
and go to church for the first time,
that's nonsense.
Nonsense.
When do you finally realize
that you are sober
and you want to be sober
and there is a way for you to stay sober,
that is your spiritual awakening.
Having had a spiritual awakening
as a result of these steps,
we try to carry this message unalcoholic
and practice these principles in all our affairs.
And that is as far as I'm concerned
the 12 steps and how they work.
And then it says,
many of us exclaim,
What an order.
I can't go through with it.
Do not be discouraged.
No one among us has been able
to maintain anything like perfect adherence
to these principles.
We are not saints.
The point is that we are willing
to grow along spiritual lines.
Spiritual again being described
as being wanted, needed, and loved.
Do they want us to come to meetings?
Do they love us when we get here?
Yes, they do.
Wanted and needed and loved.
You see, I describe love thusly.
Higher power was once asked
while he was honored by his dummy disciples.
And they were a bunch of dummies too,
I tell you.
They were sure to his heart.
They wouldn't believe nothing he said
and he pushed them here
when he didn't want to go.
And you know, Peter there one time,
he told them,
Come on, Peter, walk on the water like me.
I'll protect you.
And Peter had faith.
And he started to walk on the water
and then all of a sudden he says,
My God, this is not right.
And he lost his faith and down he went.
Man, he almost drowned.
You see?
No faith.
So this guy, the higher power,
is a tremendous thing to have on your side.
And what I say is that he was asked,
What is the greatest commandment
that you have given us?
And you know what his answer was?
The greatest commandment that I have given you
is that you live together
and love one another
even as I have loved you.
Isn't that what we do in AA?
We love the alcoholic to walk in the door.
We worry about him.
We care for him.
We live together
and love one another.
This is the way that the spiritual part
of this program is.
And it says here,
We are not saints.
The point is that
we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.
The principles that we have set down here
are guides to progress.
We claim spiritual progress
rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic
in chapter 5 goes on.
So this is my interpretation
of the 12 steps in my life in AA.
And I hope that somewhere along the line
it rang a bell with some people.
I don't know.
I hope so.
I will tell you one thing.
I'm a very happy guy.
I have lots and lots of problems
and lots of trouble.
But one thing I don't have,
I don't have an empty heart.
I have cleaned out all the garbage in my heart
and left room for a lot of love
from a lot of people.
And wherever I go,
people say,
Jack, we hate you.
I'm spiritual.
A lot of people say,
Jack, we love you.
And I believe it.
A lot of people do love me
because I love them.
And a lot of people,
when they tell me we need you,
we want you,
we love you,
I know that I'm being a success.
So when you come through the doors of AA,
you make it the same way.
You pick up the coffee cups,
sweep the floor,
volunteer to get there a little early,
set up the chairs,
12 steps,
go in,
go and do it.
Got outside speaking,
I'm ready.
I want to go.
And this is the way
that you too will become spiritual.
People will want you.
They'll love you
and they'll need you.
And that's my description
of a person who is spiritually here in AA.
I think we'll stop at this time.
Let me get a drink of water
and take up the collection
and whatever the hell you're going to do.
And then we'll go into questions and answers.
And I hope that there's a lot of them.
Have you got anything to say that you do?
If I said something you didn't like,
say so.
If you've got a lot of guts,
say so.
So I send it back to somebody.
I'd like to remind all you people
of something that I said
in the very beginning of the meeting.
Any opinions that I expressed here tonight
are mine.
That was not my opinion.
Also, I would like to remind you
of something else that I said.
That anything that I state from this platform
was taught to me by other members
of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Nothing is my own opinion.
I have picked up what knowledge
that I have of AA
from other members of AA
along the way during the years.
And when I go to closed meetings,
even yet,
after 25 years,
I sit and I learn
because there is no graduation
from Alcoholics Anonymous.
No matter what meeting I go to
or where I go,
I take away more than I leave.
Believe it.
So now,
if there's anybody out there
with any questions about me
or my job
or AA
or I understand it,
anything at all,
I'd be very happy
to answer any questions.
Now, who's first?
Yes, I just wanted to tell you
that I was 18 years old
20 years ago.
I was one of the first members
in our small group
in Rosewood Heights.