Growing Old Is Natural — Growing Up Is a Son of a B*tch 😂 – Jim L.

Hey everybody, I'm Joanne, I'm an alcoholic, and welcome to the Monday night Blue Chip Speakers meeting on NabbaZoom, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our NabbaZoom room tonight and listening later on AABlueChipSpeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear tonight's speaker and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too, I must have this thing. All right, I have the honor of introducing our speaker tonight, and I know that Jim dropped into the 545. At least once, and his punishment for doing that is having to tell his story at the 8 o'clock speaker's meeting. I remember that he did say, he introduced himself as an alcoholic and said something along the lines of, now that's all you need to know about me. And I love that because we all know that we all have just 24 hours of sobriety in any given day, but he has put together quite a few of those 24 hours, and when old-timers speak, they carry a message, and that message is with a lot of depth and weight because they have had a lot of experience in this program, watched it grow, watched it make mistakes and right itself again, like it always does, and I think we can learn so much from old-timers, and I'm pleased as punch to say, here's Jim. Welcome, Jim. Thank you, Julie. Hell, we could say the Lord's Prayer and go home after that introduction. What the heck? I mean, the rest of you just go out and say, oh hell, if that old fart can do it, I can. Good evening. My name is Jim, and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is December 1976, and I'm 86 years old. And as Julie said, that's the four main points that I've just said about myself, and nobody in the rooms of AA has ever asked me to show evidence of what I said to be true. That's the one thing about the fellowship and all the years that I've been, it took a long time to learn it. This is the only fellowship, and the only group, and the only, and I've traveled this worldwide, where a person does not have to prove anything, show any identification, show a passport or anything else. A person can stand up and just simply say who they are, what they are, and then that remarkable thing comes out in the rooms of AA, that loud, Hi, Jim. You know, where else can you just get recognized before you even open your mouth to start talking about it? About what the hell you think you remember, you know? Where the hell can you be invited to say something when people don't even know you? There's three things in AA that I love. There are many three things, but the sense of belonging, the sense of participation, and a sense of recognition. And in AA simplicity, when you go to a meeting and you say your name or you speak, that loud thunderous return comes back. Say, Hi, Julia, or Hi, Tim. And the power of that didn't rest on me for many years. It was just like a routine, but it began to slowly, over a period of time, it began to slowly begin to wake up, if you will, or become aware, whatever the right words, just about what men and women like you truly are, not what I thought you were. And so, whatever I say in the next 30 minutes, I know what they mean to me. So, you know, I just ask you to indulge with me for a few moments and just remember, whatever words I use, I know what they mean to me. I don't know what you're going to hear. That's the other remarkable thing of AA. And I learned that painfully, too, that I don't come here to edit what people are saying and what their beliefs are. I'm here to try to practice what people like you did for me many years ago when you found me in a psychiatric hospital, with a severe mental illness, and you brought me amongst you once a week, and you just let me rant and rave, and then you'd smile at me and say, that's okay, Jim, we understand. I will only spend a few minutes on my drinking experience. I mean, my hunch is that if you remember the last 48 hours of your drinking, you've got my whole story wrapped up in your own words. It doesn't make any difference if the words is that terrifying thing that we come to our moment. When we are just desperately trying to figure out what we don't understand, and yet some people show up who understand what we're desperately trying to figure out. Isn't that funny? But before I go any further and indulge it in me, I want to read something out of AA Comes of Edge. And you might find it at some point in your group to something to look at. This is written by a close non-alcoholic friend of this fellow, who was in a fellowship at his area days. Three conditions are necessary for true fellowship. The possession of a common ideal, involving a complete release of selfishness and division. The discharge of a common task big enough to capture the imagination and give expression to loyalty. And the comradeship, the quote, togetherness, thus involved as we find out the joy and power of belonging to an organic society and engaging in a whole time service. We can find it at its fullest extent, where the ideal is highest and most exacting, where the task extends and integrates every ounce of our strength and every element of our being. Where comradeship is so solid and deep, that we respond one to another without conscious effort, realizing the unspoken need and react to it spontaneously and at once. Under such conditions, all the vitality that we usually waste upon our jealousies and our vanities, upon keeping up appearances and putting other people in their proper place, becomes available for creative use. I am a prime example. Of what men and women in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous did for an old drunk, rotten, vulgar, dirty, okay, extremely self-centered. And yet, when you found me, you never let any one of those balancing, battering attitudes towards life deter you from your primary purpose. And you read it at the beginning of this meeting. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. And the word for me, I discovered, is the word achieve. There was days when I tried to get people sober. God, what an ego trip that was. So here I am now, in all these years of sobriety, and what I'd like to talk about might be a little bit odd. I want to talk about you. And how you, and the way that you have struggled through your only daily adversities, as they talk about it, that in the midst of all of your own personal anxieties and fear, you took an old drunk like me at 42 years old, accepted him unconditionally, listened to his BS, sometimes used to cut me short, and sometimes you let me just wander on. But in the end, of that hour to hour and a half, your heart was always in the same place. Always. Sure, there might be individually at times we struggle, when an old fart like me starts talking, and you've just suffered the loss of something very precious to you. But that's the natural thing of life. And the beauty of this fellowship is that we come together like you, and all of you in inviting me here tonight. All I understand, you know, I've been sober 44 years, and I'm liable to say some things that somebody might find interesting. That's exactly what happened to me. But I will never forget the bottom line. And the bottom line is that you're still dedicated. Collectively. Okay? In spite of our own little wants, and our own little desires for this to happen and that to happen, when all of that's stripped away, you're all here together so an old drunk like me will get another day without taking a drink. Alcoholism is not my problem anymore. It's in remission. What my problem is, to make damn sure, I keep it in remission. And I've been around this thing long enough now to see that we are in a very big crisis in this country. As far as alcoholism, forget about all the other stuff. The rate of alcoholism has increased. Something like between eight and a half to ten percent. Are we doing everything we can? Are we going, as the saying goes, going to any lengths to keep the doors of this fellowship open so old drunks can come in here? People that we couldn't stand if we met them in a theater or a grocery store? People who don't speak the same language as us, don't look like us. People who are angry and despondent and people who are lost. See, I speak to them because I was all of that. We talk about losing things because of our drinking. I've come to the realization I didn't lose a damn thing. I give everything away but a couple ounces of alcohol. I give the mother of my children away. I give my children the right to a father away. My profession in the military got shot down practically because of my drinking. You know, I was a combat survival specialist and I was a coward and I had to hide that. The only way I could hide that was to just drink. I was terrified that I would find out when I was in a couple of battle zones that the guys to the right and to the left and around me might happen, may die because I froze up. I lived with those nightmares. Did I get those when I was growing up? I was born in Ireland in 1934 and I came to... Mother moved to Scotland in 1939 and I lived through the war and I went through Vietnam. Now the COVID and all kinds of other stuff that's going on. And those have been terrible things but let me tell you they don't compare to anything like my battle with alcoholism. When I step back and look at it, it doesn't make sense again. That bottle of alcohol dominated my life. For 25 years. Did I have a disease? An illness? Okay? Did I not have enough strength or whatever it was? It makes no damn difference. We've been trying to explain this illness for a couple of hundred years. We can't do it. God, we come up with a shot where they can give you two shots for COVID. We can't give you a damn thing for alcoholism. Okay? And yet, the destruction that it does and will continue to do and yet the only ray of hope right now from my point of view is men and women just like you. I know that you came here to find your sobriety and find some purpose in life and I'm knowing to you, you've got your purpose in life because we may be the only ones right now that might be some kind of place where a drunk can stop in for a few minutes. Maybe we touch his life. Maybe we don't. And we don't make a profession out of this because we ruin it because our egos would get in the way. Humility is a pain in the ass, folks. I'm going to tell you that right now. Growing old is natural. Growing up is a son of a bitch. Pardon my language, but it is. But how did this change? People come to see me now. Do you understand that? That actually, strangely enough, strangers call me up and talk to me on the phone in German. I've had calls from Hong Kong, Japan, Europe. People say, I heard your name said somewhere and somebody gave me your telephone number. Can I talk to you for a couple of minutes? Do you know what the responsibility of that is? Do you know how well you have taught me through trial and error so that when anybody walks into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous again, the same message is still the same. That you gave me 44 years ago. You accepted me unconditionally. And when I ran through and raved, you said those magic words I said earlier. You simply said to me, Jim, I understand. We understand. And the other things you used to say to me, Jim, can you go the rest of the day without taking a drink? And you even went and swat a couple of times in my early sobriety. You said, Jim, if you have to take a drink, we understand. You know, you're always welcome back here. Taking a drink doesn't make you an alien amongst here. Damn! Taking a drink is probably one of the best things for the membership. Shit! And so here I am, all these years later. And I made up my mind when Tim had invited me to talk that I wasn't going to ramble on for an hour and a half. But what I was going to do is probably bring you the message of which, just to remind you, he said, without you, I am nothing. Oh, I can tell you the wonderful things I've had. I just shared some of them with you. You know, about people calling me, people come to see me. I've been invited here and there. Okay. But you know how all that happened? Because of you. My sobriety is actually our sobriety. I don't own nothing. I belong to something. I belong to a simple organization that has no dues. You don't have to believe in God. You can be three-legged, whatever the hell you want to be. You don't even have to say who the hell you are as long as you walk in here and just say, you know, I have a drinking problem. You don't even have to tell us that you're going to quit for the rest of your life. We just simply say, welcome. We're glad you're here. What the hell else could you do? Sometimes in the house, even when I'm sober, my wife says, you're not glad to be here. But the simple reason is that in my experience of this thing, you accomplished the one most specific thing that sometimes I lose sight of. And that is to stay sober. Everything else is up to your own experience and the way you develop friendships and the way that you get, whether you sponsor. I know nowadays everybody says, oh, get a sponsor. You know what I say? Be a sponsor. They go, what? I say, yeah, take the big book and go help another drunk. Okay? Go to the police station and say, you got a drunk in there? I've done that. Just remember the message and you know it's hard to comprehend when all else fails. Nothing but intensive work with another alcoholic will assure immunity from taking a drink. And the word work I confuse. That's not what the spiritual axiom means. That's not work. It doesn't mean you're doing something to get paid for. Work in this sense is a sense of attitude where you're sacrificing some of your own time and suffering some of your own difficulties for the well-being and a little bit of hope for the still suffering alcoholic. And so I've ended up with two missions in my life. I've learned how to suffer with some dignity instead of reacting to it. And I sacrifice with some gratitude. You see, what you did for me I can never repay to you. But what I can do is emulate what you have done for me so that some old drunk who's outside there somewhere may just simply just look and say, Hi, sir. Can you spare a dime? Those of you old enough will remember the way back in the days when that diamond was. You know, so I give a guy a dollar. Yeah, some people say, Well, hell, he'll go get drunk with a dollar. Hell, no. You can't buy a damn drink for less than five dollars anymore. But what does the money represent in this particular case? Maybe it's a little sign of generosity. I don't know. But when these things happen, I have to be very clear in my own person, in my own mind, that whatever I do for my fellow human being, and it's hard to do, it is done with the complete understanding I expect absolutely nothing in return. There's a word hidden in the big book away at the beginning in the part of the doctor's opinion and I may misquote it. It simply says, We work on this program not only on a spiritual level but also on an altruistic level. Most people don't understand what altruistic, I didn't. I ain't gonna tell you. You gotta go find out for yourself. Shit, I suffered through it. You could do the same thing. But thank you, seriously. We don't think or thank ourselves or thank each other enough. When was the last time you turned around in an AA meeting and when you get a chance to go back and somebody's sitting there and you just reach your hand out and you just simply say, Thank you for your sobriety because without yours I wouldn't have mine. Do that sometime once in a while. Or call up an old drunk that you're sponsoring or call up an old drunk that's sponsoring you and just simply say, Thank you for your sobriety. You don't have to explain it. And say, I just wanted to give you that little message. It's easy to say I love you. Love is painful at times. Because if you love somebody are you willing to endure the pain? I could go on and on but I will end it with this simple little thing and I invite you to say because when I got sober the speaker would quit 20 minutes or 10 minutes before and then people get a shot at him or her about what the hell they said. I mean, don't worry about it. My sensitivity, I'll cry after the meeting's over. So don't worry about it. I'm not going to embarrass you. But I'm going to leave you with this little ditty. And I may have said it to you before. Oh Great Spirit, I hear your voice in the wind that breathes life throughout the world. Hear me. I am small and I am weak. Help me find your strength and wisdom that you have hidden under every leaf and stone. And let my eyes always see the red and purple sunsets. Let my ears always hear what you have told my people. And let my hands always respect the things that you have made. Oh Great Spirit, I seek not this strength nor this wisdom to be greater than my brother or sister but to fight my greatest enemy, myself. And when my days are over, they are ending as the shadow leaves the sunset. May my spirit stand straight before you without shame. And I know I have no shame because you have done your work well. Thank you for listening and thanks Tim for the invitation. And I think we get time. Oh hell yes. Have at it folks. This is an AA meeting. I've done all my stuff. Thank you. Thank you so much Tim. That was fantastic. I really, really appreciate it. First thing other than saying that was fantastic. Thank you Tim. Thank you so much. I'm going to ask you to tell us what page you read from coming, AA comes of age if you will. I'll put it in the chat. Thank you. But yeah, such great things that you said. And I'm just going to open it up to anybody else who wants to ask a question or reflect on what you just heard. Yeah, Jim. I think it was 276, 277. Is that right? I went and did a search on one of your phrases and I was going to read the whole thing later. My wife loves that I'm muted. She's trying to figure out a way to do it at home. Okay, I'm shutting up. Yeah. And my husband has often said I'm not welcome here either. I just translated into aren't you going to a meeting? Are you late for a meeting? Are you late for a meeting? There you go. That's a good one. Jim, this is Tim. And the perspective that you shared certainly had a experience strengthening. You understood what we are about. You weren't talking about it. You were talking what it is. It was good for me to hear it because things are not always clear and I'm not sure what's going on some of the time. But I know during this meeting I felt pretty certain that I was hearing the truth. And for that I appreciate it and thank you. Thank you, Tim. I do have a question. How did you get to the United States? Oh, God. I was the oldest of six children. During the war we had, you know, very little rationing and it was a very deep depression. The depression did not end in 1939 for us. And I left school at thirteen to go to work so that we could provide with my father. He had two jobs and I had three jobs trying to, we were trying to just survive basically is what it was. What I didn't know was that I'd bring my paycheck, well it wasn't a paycheck, it was actually money and a little envelope every Friday and give it to my mother. What I didn't know is my mother and father decided to take half everything I'd make put it aside and they decided that my father was bound and determined that I was going to have a better chance than him. He only finished third grade. And so they bought passage on a Greek cattle boat in July of 1952 and took ten days across the Atlantic. The beauty of that thing was I met a father and son who had survived Auschwitz and I think my eight days were in the presence of those two folks and they talked about their stuff. I did not know it at the time but it had a profound effect in the way that I seen the world and my perception and everything else. And even to this day when I think about that father and son and everything else, tears still come to my eyes so that when I think about what you folks did for a drunk like me is nothing compared to the suffering that goes on in the world that we live in. And so for me to suddenly realize somewhere along the line when you found me it took some time that genuine people like you really cared about drunks. You really cared about each other. Sure we would say well I have to stay sober working but in the end it all got down to this simple thing. We live in a cruel very unstable world and the only place that I think not maybe one of the only places is that I can find some comfort and peace and some sense of purpose. And so I've always been grateful to my father. I did join the Air Force because I wanted to become a citizen. I was going to do four years. I ended up doing 24. I was a combat survival specialist in Vietnam for about 17 years. And I survived all of that stuff and damn near died because of my alcoholism. Thanks for asking. Thank you. Hey Jim, I'm Marianne. I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank you so much. My very first time today I listened to a Clancy it was called The Invisible Boat and it was I think 1983 retreat. And this is I feel like I'm I feel like I to you that's being extended the knowledge, the wisdom the experience that I heard today I heard that being continued tonight and I just cannot thank you enough. I knew, you know, a year a little over a year but came in late in life obviously. But I think the thing that I saw which you constantly reminded us tonight was when I came in not even knowing yet I was an alcoholic knowing that I was home that I had come home. That's a beautiful thing. So thank you for reminding me of that again. Thank you. Thank you, Marianne. Jim, Sarah, alcoholic. Hi, Sarah. Hi. I want to say thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story and your experience, strength and hope on how not to drink one day at a time. And I love I agree without you there is no me. There's no me. I wouldn't be here. I just wouldn't. And I love that you shared that the Indian prayer. So I'm in Colorado right now but I started going to a lovely meeting Wednesday and Friday nights put on by some folks in South Carolina and Canada called Hope Has No Borders. Did I hear you recite that Yes. prayer at that meeting? Yes. Well, small Now that we're on Zoom, small world, right? No matter where we live, we all managed to get together. So what a just a treasure to hear your story and also to see you at that meeting as well. So please take good care of yourself and thank you again for your service. Thank you. My name is Jenny. I'm an alcoholic. And I'd like to thank you too, Jim. You're North Carolina fella. Old fart. I like what you said about you know, the world being in a mess but you could still come into these rooms and I didn't get it all written down but it was you're still collectively dedicated as far as I got. And that's what these people in this room are. They're dedicated to help keeping me sober and hopefully I can help them as well or y'all as well. But that was a great story. I knew it was going to be because I was on that 545 and you touched me that night and just thank you so much. Just thank you. Thank you. Mary Ann, I think you mentioned, did I hear you mention Clancy? Yes. Clancy nailed me up against the wall one time many years ago. I was at a conference and he said to me, he says, I've got one question for you, young man. I said, yes, sir. He says, are you at ease with your disease? And I'm sitting thinking, how the hell is this bastard wanting me to answer that? And I said, yes, sir. I'm at ease with my disease. And then he says, dammit, you're not working the steps hard enough. Well, he was a beautiful storyteller and you are too. Yeah. We've lost that art too today, I think. Thanks. Thank you. Jim had commented before the meeting started. He had, mentioned Tom Iverson, another great speaker from North Carolina. What a story he's got. So if you've never heard anything Tom Iverson, you know, any of his recordings, search that out as well. He's phenomenal. I think Jim has had a relationship with Tom. And he also, he was familiar with Bill Rupp. And he said, yeah, Bill Rupp had all these people following him around. All his disciples. And I was one of those guys. It meant a lot to me when I first came in. Lisa, did you want to share? Hi, I'm Lisa. I'm from Oklahoma. And I did have a question. I never heard that prayer you said there at the end. And I am Native American, so that was really beautiful. From what I gather, you must be 86. I have a question about that. You've lived a long, sober life. And I just counted. I've been sober 53 days. And my mother is 86. Is there anything you wish that you could do? Like right now, still? I mean, it sounds like you've had a very, you've had a life full of giving to others and having others give to you, which is what this program is all about. But is there anything that you wish you could have done more or further? That's a very good question. But I would really take time to think about it. When I really look at it, and I look at it through the eyes of the traditions and through the steps as I understand them, I really have no regrets. There's a reading somewhere, and Bill sees it, and I happen to like it. It says we learn more from our, quote, mistakes. Okay? Because that's why the key thing in the fellowship, there are many keys, the key thing in the fellowship is one word, practice. Because we people like me are obsessed with doing things right. Okay? I mean, we really get obsessed. We don't do it until we're absolutely sure this is the right thing to do. Hell, it's been all wrong all along because I've been wasting a lot of frigging energy. One of the things that I think, and it's a great question, because each of us, from my point of view, struggle with that internally. And the great value is it, is that we do struggle with it with some degree of humility. And to be humble is not to walk around being pious. Being humble is something me calling Tim up or Marianne was putting a lipstick on, and I said, oh shit, I'll go to Marianne's, you know. And I say, I have a problem with this thing. And I want to give you an example. Forgive me for going on. There was a woman I knew that was over 15 years, and I was in Louisiana at the time. And she came running into a noon meeting and before anybody could do anything, she took over the table, slammed the damn thing, said, I'm going to start a meeting. I'm in a hell of a mess. To hell with all this writing stuff. And she sat down and she said, I've been offered two jobs, one in New Orleans and one in New Iberia. Both exactly the same. I love both of them, etc. And I don't know which one to pick. There was a little gal over in the corner. She was sober about 40 days. And her right foot had been dancing on the floor, and I'd noticed it. And she jumped up and stepped up and she's off for Christ's sake. God doesn't care where you go as long as you do what you're supposed to do when you get there. Awesome, thanks. You're welcome. New Iberia is pretty cool. I used to live in Lafayette. And I've always wondered what AA meetings would be like in Lafayette or New Orleans. And I'm sure they have them, of course. But, wow. You betcha. I got some of the greatest meetings. I used to work in a place called Opelousas, Louisiana. Cajun AA meetings. If you ever want to get a good damn laugh, go among a bunch of Cajuns when they're talking about spirituality and... Oh, God. But enough of that. Hey, Grace, did I see you with your hand up or did I shut you up? I'm sorry. No, my hand wasn't up, but I was getting ready to speak. How about that? I was just getting ready to say something. Go for it. Wow. I'm just... I'm speechless, and that's very rare for Grace. You've just blown me away where I am just totally... speechless. If I could... First, I want to say, if I could live long as you, I'll be doing all right. Okay? That's my first thing. Then past that, if I could do what you have done, if I could do half of that or a third of that throughout the rest of my life and my sobriety, I will die a happy, blessed woman. And I mean, this is one of the best stories I've ever, ever heard. And I like the way how you were going about the fellowship part. And what we're here for is to help another alcoholic. And the people that's in my life, that is my first goal and my only goal that I go to first is to keep another one, because I didn't ever think this could ever happen for me. And by me being that grateful for me being sober, I just want to make sure that I'm there for anyone else who wants to be sober and just to be there and to help them the much... the best way I can. But you blew me away, and I mean, I was just speechless. You kept... You captivated me the whole time. And I'm just... I want to hear more. See, I can listen to you all night. More, more, and more. I was also in that 545 meeting when you came that one time, and it blew me away. I remember that. The things that you read tonight, I was trying to write them all down. I hope somebody got them so I can get them from you all later, because I couldn't write because I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude. So thank you, Jim. And I hope to see you again. But... If I could do half or a third of what you've done, I'll be all right. Thanks for letting me share. Thanks, Grace. Grace, it's recorded. And you can go to aagluechipspeakers.org. I forgot about that. Thank you. Okay. Jim, hi. I'm Jane, and I'm an alcoholic. First of all, it's so nice to have somebody who's older than I am, not much. But God bless you, and thank you. Very inspiring. God bless you. Beautiful. Thank you. And if I could recommend a speaker where somebody could get a hold of Sister B, the Catholic nun out of California, the little Irish nun that stands about five foot nothing, be prepared to be shocked because she lays it out. She's sober 43 years, but her name is Sister B. Okay. You know, Jim, since you're here on Zoom, the answer is probably pretty obvious. But what was your take on Zoom meetings coming along like at the beginning of COVID? I mean... I took it as a blessing. I took it as a great question. It's like when some changes take place in the fellowship, you know, that's just what I've learned. Adjusting to that change affects each individual to their personality. I know some men and women that will never go to a Zoom. Okay. And I understand to some degree why they're saying that, you know. But the reality is, as far as I'm concerned, there's a couple of things going on is that this is going to have a major impact in this fellowship. It's going to become more refined. It's going to be better used, you know. It makes it a little bit more, in a way, family orientated because you can sit at home and relax, be in your pajamas or be naked. I don't give a damn, you know. The point that I'm getting at, and since Zoom's came along, I've been in meetings from Australia, New Zealand, South America, Alaska, California, Scotland, Ireland, England, France. There's a great meeting, English-speaking meeting in Lyon, in France. But it's going to have a major, major impact on the fellowship as it goes forward. There's a lot of stuff going on within the fellowship right now. There's a big struggle taking place, as they always do, because we're losing membership and we're, we're not seeming to be able to attract the younger generations. They're completely different and we want them to shift their attitude to our attitude rather than let them have their attitude and just be thankful we just was able to do that. So, it's a hot topic for me, but it, but I think it's here to stay. And I think you're going to find a lot of benefits and I may as well promote myself right now. I've got a Zoom page of my own. I just do it. And if people want to call and talk to me, I said, okay, let's have a face-to-face discussion. And I don't call them, you know, counseling and I don't call it sponsorship or advisory. I just say, one old drunk talking to another. And so, you know, I think it's, I think it's the best thing that has happened to wake the fellowship up. I love that because, you know, I was, I was the old fart when it came along and I was like, I don't know, this is going to ruin AA. And then I'm the cheerleader of Zoom AA meetings now. And that's just the, the, you know, it's the power of the program. I mean, I can't feel sorry for the people who won't, just try a Zoom meeting, you know, I mean, I don't know why I feel sorry for them. But before I would be like, yeah, I'm not going to be on here for long. I'm going to, sure, I'm sure I'm not going to like this. But I love it. But you see, Julie, our characteristic is, you know, we love to change if we originate it. If it's somebody else's idea, we don't like it. Yeah, maybe. I guess that's true. That's true. But we got to stay open-minded, which is great about it. And I do hope that, and I'm sure the General Service Office is figuring out ways to, you know, capture these meetings as meetings and, and, and hope that they, I really hope most of these AA meetings are supporting the, the service arms because it's just, that's the only way we're going to be able to keep spreading the word consistently, in my opinion. I was going to leave you with one last little poem, so that for those of you who are secular, okay, and it goes like this. Sometimes when I'm feeling important, and sometimes when my ego's in bloom, and sometimes when my ego's in bloom, and sometimes when my ego's in bloom, and sometimes when my ego's in bloom, and sometimes when my ego's in bloom, and sometimes when my ego's in bloom, and sometimes when I take it for granted that I'm the most important one in this room, and sometimes when I think by my going I would leave an unfillable hole, just follow these simple instructions and see how it humbles the soul. Take a pail and fill it with water. Put the hand in up to the wrist. Pull it out, and the hole that it leaves there is just a measure of how much you'll be missed. Now you can stir stir it all around your pantry and stir up the water galore, but just wait for a moment. It'll soon look the same as before. Now the moral of this quaint story is to do the best that you can and be proud of yourself. But there's no indispensable man. And to close my part, you are the most wonderful group of people that an old drunken Irishman like me could ever touch. The gratitude and the sheer audacity to be so fortunate that a couple of drunks found me and brought me amongst you absolutely free. So thank you for your sobriety. I'm done for the night. Have a good night. Good night.