Go to the Man You Hate the Most Because He’s Got What You Need – Paul D.

About This Speaker Tape

Paul shares his 25-year sobriety story at a Portland speaker meeting, tracing a harrowing 23-year journey through institutions, jails, and repeated failures before finally getting sober in 1981. He first encountered AA as a teenager in the Marine Corps after being arrested 22 times in 21 days, was sent to Manteo State Hospital, and spent years cycling through treatment centers and mental hospitals — accumulating time in 45 state and federal institutions. His drinking progressed from juvenile trouble to suicide attempts, including turning on the gas in a rented shack after 19 months of sobriety, where he was saved only because he drank himself comatose before the gas could kill him.

Paul builds to a central insight he repeats like a refrain: AA is not for those who need it, not for those who want it, not for those who understand it, and not for those who talk about it. He knew the Big Book better than men with years of sobriety, yet could not stop drinking. The turning point came when he remembered Clarence Snyder's advice — go to the man you hate the most, because he has what you need. He found that man, Nick, surrendered to the Big Book's directions, and worked the steps word for word through the first 83 pages in three weeks.

Paul describes the step work in vivid detail — highlighting every promise and its condition in different colors, reading the Doctor's Opinion and early chapters ten times, and the profound realization that drinking does not cause alcoholism but alcoholism causes drinking. His life sober was unmanageable, and drinking had been his solution until the side effects became worse than the disease. He emphasizes doing Steps 6, 7, and 8 in the half hour after the fifth step, and describes coming down from that hill no longer feeling like a mistake.

Two years before this talk, Paul's AA wife of 21 years died with 23 years of sobriety. He describes coping through intensified step work, more meetings, and sponsoring 14 newcomers in three months. He closes with gratitude and his love for the fellowship, urging listeners to pick up the Big Book, the 12 and 12, and AA Comes of Age — 36 principles that gave him a life he no longer wants to escape.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opens with thanks to the committee, mentions 25 years sober and 48 years around AA
• 3:30 First AA meeting in Marine Corps at 17-18 years old after 22 arrests in 21 days
• 7:00 Sent to Manteo State Hospital, given paraldehyde, first told he was an alcoholic
• 11:00 Orange County court appearance in chains after hallucinating flying gray apes at a judge
• 16:00 Ejected from jails, 45 state and federal institutions, the refrain: AA is not for those who need or want it
• 22:00 Suicide attempt by gas after 19 months sober, saved because booze made him comatose before gas could work
• 28:00 Remembers Clarence Snyder's advice, asks Nick for help, surrenders to the Big Book
• 35:00 Working the steps word by word through the first 83 pages — alcoholism causes drinking, not the reverse
• 42:00 Step work on the hill: fifth step, amends at the phone booth, doing Steps 6-8 in the half hour after Step 5
• 50:00 Wife's death two years ago, 14 newcomers in three months, closing with gratitude and love for the fellowship