George T. – Steps 8-9 Amends – The Delusion That I Only Hurt Myself – 2009

About This Speaker Tape

George maps out the Eighth Step not as a precursor to action, but as a grueling exercise in ownership. He dismantles the delusion that he only hurt himself, tracing a history of being an 'adrenaline junkie' and an absentee father who left his children in a car while he got drunk. He works through the math of his destruction—calculating nearly $800,000 spent on substances over 33 years—and the grit of indirect amends, from making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the homeless to role-playing apologies with his sponsor.

George cuts through the noise of his own rebellion and defiance, admitting that while he once plotted revenge against a former associate for eleven years, the real work was learning to live in his own skin without manipulating others for a result. He frames the Eighth Step as the moment he stopped blaming his ex-wife and started seeing himself as the defect in every relationship he ever had.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 George outlines his initial resistance to the first seven steps and his struggle with defiance.
• 3:15 Discussion on the 'adrenaline junkie' lifestyle and the shift from manipulation to ownership.
• 5:40 Step 8: Looking backward to discover fault, specifically regarding his ex-wife and children.
• 8:10 Laughter: George jokes about reversing the amends process to make others apologize to him.
• 11:20 The calculation of the $792,000 cost of his addiction over 33 years.
• 14:10 The role of the sponsor in role-playing amends to avoid causing further harm.
• 17:30 The pain of realizing he was an 'absentee parent' and the impact of Ben T.'s questioning.
• 20:15 Story about attempting a Ninth Step too early (the $5,000 vs $30 camera story).
• 23:40 Indirect amends: making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the homeless.
• 26:10 The '2x4' realization about babysitting in meetings to learn how to be a father.