Fourth Step Done in an Hour, Fifth Step Full of Lies — My Sponsor Said Start Over From Scratch – Don P.

About This Speaker Tape

Don shares his story of growing up terrified and unable to fit in, describing himself as feeling "three feet tall with a wart on the end of my nose." He learned early to be a chameleon — becoming whatever each person wanted him to be — but fell apart in groups where his different masks collided. His first drunk at 11 was immediately alcoholic, and at 15 he nearly died of alcohol poisoning, but in the space between the first drink and nearly dying he found everything he ever wanted to be. He drank for effect: vodka made him tough, rum made him a lover, wine made him a poet. None of it worked in reality, but fantasy was all he had.

He joined the Navy "to save America" and landed in federal prison at 19 when alcohol stopped working and he went AWOL for 13 days. Speed gave him a new chemical solution, and he volunteered for every drug research program he could find. He burned through careers — police officer fired for getting drunk in a patrol car, insurance agent whose books wouldn't balance — and his wife left him with two small boys and "a gut full of terror." He crossed the country chasing "the action," tried to steal spiritual truth from churches, LSD, and peyote, smuggled marijuana using his own children as cover, and ended up in federal prison in Texas. After his release he lasted four months before one Dexamil tablet sent him back into full-blown madness.

On Christmas Day 1967, he took a massive overdose in a basement apartment where his children had wrapped household objects in paper towels as gifts. He saw himself clearly for the first time — a junkie whose 16-year-old connection was a kid he'd turned on — and wanted to die. He survived, and in the county jail he said one prayer: "Help." He was sent to Canyon City penitentiary, where three AA members in prison uniforms told him the one thing nobody ever had: "You don't ever have to hurt like that again." He worked the twelve steps behind those walls with hard-nosed sponsors who wouldn't accept his lies, experienced a quiet spiritual awakening, and found freedom locked in a cell.

Since his release, Denver AA has carried him to meetings, taught him to love and be touched, and given him a life he could never have planned. Eight years after prison, he works inside a reformatory with his own office. He closes with the parable of a drowning man clutching an anvil — the church prays, the legislators pass laws, the engineers plan a bridge, but the people at the AA barbecue simply say "drop your anvil" and teach him to swim one stroke at a time.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction by a friend who describes their relationship and how they met driving to Montreux
• 2:00 Don describes feeling three feet tall with a wart on his nose — learning to be a chameleon who became whatever each person wanted
• 5:00 First drunk at 11, nearly died at 15 from alcohol poisoning, but between the first drink and nearly dying he became everything he wanted to be
• 8:00 Different drinks, different fantasies — vodka made him tough, rum a lover, wine a poet — joined the Navy to save America and be loved
• 12:00 Federal prison at 19 after going AWOL, discovered speed through drug research programs, burned through careers as cop and insurance agent
• 18:00 Wife leaves, smuggling marijuana using his kids, federal prison in Texas, father's message to never contact the family again
• 24:00 Christmas Day 1967 overdose — children wrapped household items in paper towels, his connection was a 16-year-old he had turned on
• 30:00 Three AA members visit Canyon City prison — Doc says you don't ever have to hurt like that again, Don enters five-week step study school
• 38:00 Working Steps 4 through 9 behind prison walls — first failed inventory, honest second attempt, the feeling of being lifted during amends list
• 48:00 The anvil parable — a drowning man holding an anvil while churches pray, legislators pass laws, engineers plan bridges, and AA people at a barbecue simply say drop your anvil