Fired in a Blackout, Sent to Hazelden, Elected Abbot Sober — One Benedictine Monk’s Whole Arc – Fr. Hilary D.

About This Speaker Tape

Father Hilary, a Benedictine monk from St. Bernard Abbey in Cullman, Alabama, tells his story of alcoholism and recovery with warmth, humor, and devastating honesty. Raised in a loving Christian home where moderate drinking was normal, he entered monastic life at age 19 and quickly discovered the monks knew how to make wine just as well as the housewives of Cullman County. His first blackout came at a monastery Christmas party that same year — he blamed it on the cheese. From there, his drinking progressed through transfers to Kansas (hidden drinking), ordination in 1947, and a mission in the mountains of southeastern Kentucky where he became an expert on 120-proof moonshine served at breakfast.

His career advanced even as his disease did. He became dean of the college, then was sent to the Mississippi delta where a bootlegger named Mamie delivered bottles and sent a bill at the end of the month. Three parishioners confronted him about his drinking, but told him willpower and prayer would fix it — he believed them. He was then made president of St. Bernard College, where the drinking accelerated. The bottom came when he delivered a major speech to the assembled boards of the college in a blackout and was forced to resign instantly, told he had disgraced the priesthood and the college.

Sent to Hazelden, Father Hilary spent nine weeks in treatment — six of them stuck on Step One — attending three meetings a day for a total of 189 meetings. His counselors told him he had to go back to Cullman and tell people he was an alcoholic. He resisted fiercely but eventually surrendered. His sobriety date is January 14, 1968, though he spent a full year dry without truly connecting to AA. It was not until January 1969, when a fellow priest handed him an AA phone number he had been too proud to look up, that he found the fellowship. In a stunning conclusion, he reveals that the monks of St. Bernard elected him their seventh abbot — the ultimate restoration. He closes with the story of Lazarus, declaring that he too had been dead and stinking, and AA brought him out of the tomb.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and childhood — loving Christian home, early education in social drinking
• 4:00 Enters monastery at St. Bernard at 19, discovers the monks make wine on feast days
• 7:00 First blackout at age 19 during a Christmas party — blames it on the cheese
• 12:00 Transfer to Kansas introduces hidden drinking; back to Alabama where the new abbot shuts down the winery
• 17:00 Arrives in Kentucky mountains — 120-proof moonshine at breakfast at Aunt Sally Coon's table
• 23:00 First encounter with AA in Kentucky, reads the Big Book, but the group won't let him into closed meetings
• 28:00 Mississippi delta years — Mamie the bootlegger, Easter bottle collection, confrontation by three parishioners
• 35:00 Named president of college; delivers a speech in a blackout and is forced to resign immediately
• 41:00 Sent to Hazelden — nine weeks, 189 meetings, stuck on Step One for six weeks, the immoral inventory
• 48:00 Returns to Cullman, spends a year dry without AA, finally connects with fellowship in January 1969; elected seventh abbot of St. Bernard Abbey; closes with Lazarus metaphor