Cessation of Drinking Is Just the Beginning — Emotional Sobriety Is the Final Frontier – Alexander K.

About This Speaker Tape

Alexander, an adolescent type-2 alcoholic from East Cobb, Georgia, tells the story of how he hit bottom fast and rebuilt a life he never thought possible. His first drink was rumplemint peppermint schnapps in Daytona at a young age, and within eleven months he was shooting heroin. By his early twenties he was married, had two kids, and was running on alcohol, Ritalin, weed, cocaine, and meth — what he calls his "marijuana maintenance program." His wife eventually fled and called the cops, and a SWAT team surrounded his house at 3 a.m. while he stood inside with a shotgun, planning to go down in a blaze of glory.

Thinking of his wife and two kids stopped him at the door. What followed was Ridgeview, Thorazine "Dr. Hush" injections, a botched five-hour drive to a coastal rehab that took two days, a suicide attempt with a fistful of pills and whiskey, and a restraining order earned by dropping a "beautiful and romantic" 4 a.m. letter on his ex-wife's doorstep. He got sober May 22, 2005, the night before his baptism at a Christian rehab in Woodstock, after deciding he was so saved he could handle one more drink.

The first time through the Twelve Steps kept him dry but left him a dry-drunk "porcupine on speed." The real shift came in February 2007 when he discovered another car in his ex-wife's driveway, hit emotional bottom, and surrendered. A men's retreat called The Rock that October pointed him at the solution and not just the cessation. He worked the steps a second time, found the Father of Lights instead of the Higher Power of his childhood, and watched his ex-wife slowly come back — a baseball signup in 2009, a proposal in February 2010, a remarriage on July 24, 2010.

Life kept coming. Two years before this talk, his daughter attempted suicide and he carried her across a parking lot. He credits sponsorship — specifically two "wet drunks" his Higher Power sent him while he was in the deepest depression of his sobriety — with keeping him sober and present for her recovery. She's now in the sister program, straight A's, working, and was at the meeting that night.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Chair Chris Ward opens Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers at the Napa Club, reads from page 29 of the Big Book
• 3:30 Alexander introduces himself, sobriety date May 22, 2005 — twelve years next Monday
• 7:00 Childhood in East Cobb, the message he left home with: worthless and unlovable, fear of abandonment
• 10:00 First drink in Daytona — rumplemint peppermint schnapps; eleven months later arrested for the first time, then shooting heroin
• 17:00 Marries pregnant girlfriend, daughter born; can't put down the bottle long enough to come to bed
• 24:00 Doctor prescribes Ritalin — euphoric recall hits; switches from booze to weed to blow to meth — "marijuana maintenance program"
• 30:00 SWAT team surrounds the house at 3 a.m.; thinks of his wife and two kids, lays the shotgun down, opens the door
• 35:00 Suicide attempt with pills and whiskey; calls his mother; dragged to Ridgeview in handcuffs and jazz-hand shackles
• 42:00 Last drink the night before his baptism at the Woodstock rehab — sobriety date May 22, 2005
• 48:00 February 2007: finds another car in ex-wife's driveway, hits emotional bottom; October 2007 attends The Rock and works the steps a second time
• 55:00 Remarried July 24, 2010; daughter's suicide attempt two years prior; two wet drunks lift his depression and bring him back