Breathe In Acceptance, Breathe Out Judgment — The Whole Program in Six Words — Ira J.

Tonight, Alan Jay has come to see us from a supplementary clinic, I guess?
Al, who read the power of works today, has been getting great sponsorship from Alan.
And I know that because every morning he sends me a text based on his personalized reading meditation
on the reading of the collections.
And I appreciate that.
He keeps seeing all my photos every moment.
And it's been great.
We've been sharing texts for quite a while.
And I had the good fortune to meet Nala a few months back.
And his group is known as, in their own circle, SOS.
SOS.
They're going to thank you on Sunday.
Come on up, guys.
.
Al Chapo.
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.
.
.
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So there's a little bit of questions in these meetings. We talk about the way we might, what happens in the world right now. So I'm going to tell you a little bit about that for a minute.
The first thing I said when I attended an AA meeting was that I was going to be a plane pilot, but I'm not a pilot.
My alcoholism was one long, slow, bummer. It took me a very long time to really give up.
So I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
And I loved you.
I owned you.
I loved you.
That's a nice way of saying, I have enough money to go where you are and get what works for me, my needs, and that's a job.
Part of my restitution while I was a judge was a few days a week, 100 hours of community service.
I did a lot of drug driving at the time, going to see an alcohol counselor for evaluation,
and probably one or two more times.
When I was dealing with a jail cell that night, the doctor went off, and I come to miss him.
He's probably going to go for out of his closet.
I was looking at the guy in the corner of the cell, and didn't know what was going on.
I was asking myself, what am I doing here?
What am I doing here?
That is a two-time
hearing that I had that.
I had no way to be a criminal on that act.
I lived like a crazy, rich-goss, big figure then, for my life, for my capable, local life.
Sit in the cell with my body full of mirrors on my mind.
That's what I thought it was all about, working hard and working hard.
And, uh, we just started for a very long time. And, uh, we just broke apart.
So, after these big meetings at some point, you know, you need a chief to sign, you know,
that's his way. I got my climate personalized.
But, um, you know how they say, you know what they say, if you want what you have, you will do it.
I don't want what you have. I'm so angry and I'm so paranoid that it would probably
be about my son's age and how he's going to walk up to a guy and say, hey, will you sign my sheet?
And for these guys, he's got to know how to do it. He's got to know how to do it.
And he looked at me, and he just kind of recognized, you know, I had a good name.
So, I thought that I was, you know, doing what I was supposed to do quite hard to do.
But he agreed to go up there and sign my sheet.
Um, the point is...
I didn't know who was going to be in town.
And you know, I had no knowledge on it.
It was easy for me to make it happen.
I'm not sure what I'm not going to do.
I don't know how to do it.
I don't know how to do it.
I'm not sure.
I wanted to expect to be high school here, so I'm not going to do it.
So, I don't know how to do it.
But, for my school, you know,
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I don't know how to do it.
I remember being a boy in a room, and you could burn coffee there for so long.
That was the chapter of my life, and probably will be for so many years.
I'm just sure that you don't have to be a part of my school in my life,
in my age, in my time, my life.
And I thought to myself,
I'm going to do about that part of my life again.
You know, it's the home of one of my world's greatest civilizations.
Home of the whole grand jury.
And all of my past brothers,
and all of my aunts and brothers, you know.
So, I'm going to get a hold of one of my disciples,
you know.
I'm going to leave my Feels with my
.
.
And all of my front-end education got ripped off right about that time.
You know, this was my high school growth in the year before I arrived.
It's been something that, uh, amidst the sexual slimy fumes, the thought is coming, and there's a big gesture of this routine.
Staggering, getting it. And it's just, it's in your department.
I don't really know.
I don't think there's any way to say it.
I don't want to say it.
I don't want to say it.
I don't want to say it.
I don't want to say it.
Um.
Somebody here knows as long as we've lost our propulsion.
We know that.
About our way and way of self-will.
We know that.
We know it.
Can you describe it? Can you say it?
You may run off and start jumping off of stuff here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The third day, the third day.
Anybody here, anybody there need to go before you pick a boat that you lose out to pick up these bites in the house?
Thank you.
The first four chances.
The first requirement is that we keep in mind that when we rely on self-will, it can hardly be suppressed.
On that basis, we are almost always in a situation where something will come out.
Even though I know that with will, most people try to live by self-propulsion.
On a business, though, I've been running my own business for 40 years.
We've been out on all the roads.
We've been out on all the roads.
I'm telling you what it is.
I'm warning you what I'm going to tell you.
Right?
Consider my degree in the law.
See, do you know what I'm talking about?
Imagine the first time I read 12 and 12.
Does anybody remember what my character is saying?
It's an outstanding character.
There's a family now.
What would you call them?
The one at the top, Nick.
And that's stove as a mother, 1,000 feet.
You see what that's saying?
The one at the bottom looks like a height.
You're talking just about a certain height.
Dude, I studied for high school'
You were actually 17 or something, same as that.
We started pretty much at the age of completeness and H.
I mean, I was a young kid in college, you know.
Dunno if I got a low school D from my clairvoyance.
I was getting to nothin'.
Oh, 4, 5, or 6.
Yes.
Now, 12.
I was talking to the school when I found the blacklist.
Um, well, my home group seems to have been meeting with an old, very out of date university.
And I'm like, how did I land a group?
Um, I wanted to go to my own group.
People in the market, a lot of people.
I'm not there.
But the club was there.
I moved down to a very little, small street.
And one of the people down there was a very big guy.
I said, you know, hey, can I apply for a job here?
He said, yeah, you can.
I said, I don't think you can.
I didn't get a job there.
He said, yes.
I met him.
He said, how do you know?
Well, my wife is probably an angel.
Poor angel.
They said, you know, I think she's an angel.
She said, yeah.
And for me, that was, um, that was March 25, 2013.
And I'm like, I'm trying to be that angel for a month.
But never did I get a job.
You know, people would say, you want what we have?
I'd blow my eyes.
I'd be like, I want to find a job, right?
You know what I mean?
I want a job.
Um.
But one evening, I was in my, uh, garage.
And, and I don't know anybody else.
I had a trip.
And, uh, but really what happened is I was like, right, right.
And someone told me, like, hey, I've been busy talking.
And I can't even talk myself out of it.
My hands are real hot.
And, um, chopped it up.
And I was like, well, you know.
You know, an asks me to help me out.
Hit him a little sweat.
Put him on an IV well likely.
He happen to be by a week.
And he's still choking.
So I went into a you know, I call them a doggie of mine.
You know,ям you just hear Gloria talking.
Oh, you know, I don't think he would get x-rayed if he did.
Also remember, I'm probablyarbeiten to a blood test.
The blood tests are going to decrease.
I think I know who that
And, um, don't tell me we got to do that before I'm in the car.
And, um, one of the reasons I didn't think I was an alcoholic,
is because I was going to host myself a show too.
Being an alcoholic was basically a nightmare for me.
You know, I was always in the background.
I was like, you need to be in the spotlight.
I had to be in the spotlight.
I had to be in the spotlight.
I had drugs.
You know, I had somebody who was moving on the monitor.
If I was in the car doing what I do, it would be out of the monitor.
Right?
That is the exact opposite of what we want to do.
If somebody was just looking at you and said,
do you know what's going on with your blood pressure?
I mean...
Um, 30 days in, I did not get around to being an alcoholic.
Well, good.
Um, there was something called, I don't know if anybody heard of it,
the allergy to mind.
Right, the allergy to body, to the body.
Yeah.
Why would I do that?
Why would I do that?
Why would I do that?
I'm living with my mind.
Somebody pretty much said to me,
you know, we got this red light.
You know, if you, uh, if you drop me a weed, you're probably going to fall off.
Um, that's what makes it a red light.
You can probably see it, so it's like,
I'm going to drop a weed, too.
Uh, and that's how I was doing my, my, my blood pressure,
you know, how it feels on me.
And while that feels on me, um,
that must have been how it was like.
It looks like, smells like,
you know, your brain.
Most people never look very different from you.
Right.
But people never have this.
There's everything that people never understand
of something you're already feeling.
Maybe all the great things that you have
is not the, uh, emotional thought you're feeling.
You're feeling for your alcohol.
But you're not forcing it.
Maybe you have to, you know,
you might want to eat more.
And somebody's going to sue me.
I'm smothered now.
All day long.
Right.
Right.
So, what was it about this,
what was it that made me want to buy?
And here's something I like,
and I'm sitting here talking about it.
A woman with a alcoholism,
not being able to see.
And what they were saying
had, uh, heavy weight and depth.
Where, back in the day,
you used to be on the airplane,
and they would say something like,
okay, this is flight 123,
and we're going to flight ABC.
If you are not going to flight ABC,
you are always on the phone.
If you are going to flight ABC,
they would fly down to you,
and that's where we're going.
I knew.
I wasn't in there running that far,
and I wasn't in my thoughts.
I knew it.
I was looking at these desks.
I wasn't reading any of these
information.
But I knew,
I was able to drop those ships.
I might be scared of that,
but this was the first time
I had felt like,
I'm getting a real deal.
I'm getting a real deal.
I'm getting what I need.
Um, so, you know,
going back to,
I don't know what to do.
I had gotten to such a place where,
you know,
even though I believe in a high power,
and I've been there for a long time,
I think I've gotten to a place
where my high power's not okay.
You know, you're not going to get it.
You're not going to get it.
And so I just, you know,
I just get that.
And the one thing you don't get,
is that I need to see you
from other people's perspectives.
Yeah.
So, you know,
one day I'll get somebody for you.
The next day I'll get somebody else.
And people will give you up on it.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
People will take you.
What's the matter, man?
Yeah.
I'm a thousand dollars.
So you got to pay me, man.
You know,
what you get
is you put lipstick on the field.
You didn't see it.
Those that include technical issues,
I'm an alcoholic.
I'm an alcoholic.
Because I'm drunk like this.
And I will talk a certain way, and I will act a certain way,
and sometimes I'll, you know,
I will smoke an alcoholic.
I'm not an alcoholic, you know.
I'm a realist.
I've got tricks going on, right?
But it's a lot different for me.
I'm not an alcoholic.
You know?
Cheers.
So I did a year,
the trade day,
I did the coffee thing,
and the easy time,
and the difficult meeting.
So I felt like we were doing it in a good way.
And there was this guy,
who I knew him like,
he was 20 years old,
he was still developing,
he was still concerning me on,
he was still the cat.
I always had to, you know,
check stuff out.
I always had to let this guy know.
And then,
you know,
and somebody needed to get to me,
that I could talk to,
that I could make a coffee,
and I liked it.
So here's a picture of the day I came in,
and I actually paid him for,
what do you call it,
I paid him a little bit of money,
and I got to meet him,
you know,
he was at the bank.
And anyway,
I was listening to the day I came in,
and,
he was,
you know,
he was coming out of the office,
and I went into my pocket,
and I told him to let me in.
He was laughing at me,
because I was so nervous.
I was in a condo,
and I was doing this with my uncle,
I was leaving.
And the poor old friend of mine,
who was a friend,
was a lot older than me,
and he was like,
what are you doing?
And I looked at him,
and I said,
I'm killing myself.
And he was like,
what are you doing?
And what I'm doing is,
I'm staying here.
And he was like,
what are you doing?
And I said,
I'm killing myself.
And he was like,
I'm killing myself.
And I said,
what are you doing?
And I went into the morgue.
Half the day,
it was all me.
One day,
he left,
and I said,
I have a problem,
I can't help it.
I didn't tell him,
how many bottles,
and something,
walked out of the gate.
I didn't tell him,
how many bottles,
I think,
that I had thrown away.
But I don't know,
I didn't know what other people
wanted to say.
And I said,
I'm coming out of control, but it's good enough for me.
And especially those days when we were fighting,
I didn't know who they were.
I was out with them, I didn't know who they were.
Going home, coming home,
day by day,
go back home,
down with them,
or
but mainly, day by day, little by little,
I tried to do just what we were doing.
And here's what we were doing, this is what life's been like for me.
Um,
I've been drinking weed since I was two, three months old.
People knew about it.
I was four years when I came in, and I couldn't have any power,
and I'm locked in my house.
Um,
I remember, I used to pack my bags,
go into the kitchen, have fun,
go to the kitchen, sell them off to them.
Who knows that?
Um,
I remember not swimming,
and I felt weak,
you know,
uh, kind of,
you know, looking in the mirror,
getting bored, and then,
you know, selling them off to the other people,
and all that kind of fucking stuff, too.
Um,
well, so,
a little bit more that day,
alcohol left for one year.
I knew it was going to be late for a couple of years.
It was so long ago.
Right?
Because the whole time, it was like,
I just knew that I got it.
You know what I mean?
I knew that I got this.
But I didn't have it for so long.
I didn't even try very much.
Not yet.
Um,
so I got my alcohol.
Um,
I definitely got it.
I definitely got it.
Um,
so I thought it was a little out of the ordinary.
Um,
you know,
a little out of the ordinary,
you know,
people,
um,
people who are not alcoholics,
you know,
they don't,
um,
they don't get into college,
and they don't get through the bottom of it,
and,
you know,
they keep making that up,
and going on and on,
and going on and on about it.
You know, I'm not real.
Well,
when your girlfriend,
um,
is pregnant,
and you got to have an abortion,
you know,
all that was a problem.
Um,
and then,
you know,
um,
when you had to quit,
and everything,
because,
you know,
that gets to you first.
Um,
they don't go,
well,
I'll quit when I get married.
I'll quit when I'm not going to see her.
I'll quit when I'm not getting married.
I'll quit when I start,
you know,
when I'm 35,
when I start 40.
I don't even want to do that.
Um,
they get all the time,
like,
you know,
um,
they don't,
um,
they don't,
um,
they don't,
drive their car,
get up here at 5,
and just,
clean off the highway,
try to,
break it off the street before,
bang.
They come climbing out of the ditch,
a lot of kids come up on the highway,
they come home,
they switch off,
get in another car,
you know,
go back,
up and down the street,
not trying to see anyone,
they just find,
find this,
all of a sudden,
just 11,
somebody comes,
goes around the ditch,
and,
when they die,
they look at you,
like,
that's not normal.
See,
that's not normal,
right?
Right?
And yet,
two,
have,
even,
three,
got here,
before I came to New York.
So,
that's,
that's,
that's,
that's,
that's what it's all about.
And when it happens,
it's not easy.
It's not easy.
So,
my experience with this,
I've gone to a lot of these things,
right,
and they kind of go along this,
how do we get our,
on our face even,
right?
Should I wind up becoming stronger,
than I really am,
or not?
I don't know how to do that.
I don't care.
How is it that by going from here in this, um, big, sad-ass, lone wolf I don't really know,
don't know who I'm talking to,
this guy I'm not speaking to, I don't need to speak to anybody,
um,
how is it from going from that to pretty much, you know,
from that day I've been in the fellowship,
you know, I've been through the war,
I've been through the bullshit,
and I don't really know how I'm gonna do it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do it.
How am I gonna do it?
How am I gonna do it?
Um,
how is it by finally admitting that I don't have all the energy,
and I've got to do it for the ones that I need,
so I,
I don't really understand.
I'm starting not knowing.
I'm starting not knowing what I need.
But from the first day that the law massa called me and said
that I don't guy.
Ah,
gently.
And claiming,
oh creatures of,
um,
okay but I need to make it through that.
Um,
uh,
Bill W.
Is that how you call yourself?
Do you know who Bill W. is?
Does that name anything to you there?
No.
No.
Speaker.
So Bill W. is a fellow along with another guy, Dr. Bob, who's now in the AA.
And he was the first one in 1984 to make his first project.
There's this great story in there about Bill W. and how much he's coming to accomplish.
I don't know how many times I read that story, and I'm going to cite it for the time being.
Bill W. was a white guy from, you know, the Depression.
He was going back up to New York in the morning to see his children before him.
And then his father came to see him in the morning before him.
Somewhere along the way, he didn't know any guy, but all I know is that I read the story
that Bob used to go with, with Jennifer A. McConnell.
At this point, I read a couple of them.
Like, how he created, you know, just kind of alcohol and alcohol.
It turned on me like a boomerang.
It whipped me to it.
I know that. I know that.
I read the line where he talked about, he thought, he never lied.
I don't know if that's true or not.
He talked about doing the best work he could,
doing the paperwork.
I don't know if that's true or not.
He talked about not cheating the morning time well before.
I'm Ira, but I'm not an alcoholic.
I was a three, almost three-and-a-half-year-old,
and I think I was an alcoholic.
At that stage, was the relationship five,
three years of marriage.
And also, he admitted that he crossed CHS.
I guess you could say four years of marriage.
But I think it wasn't solchem or perhaps if,
is I was introduced into the relationship?
Right?
Yeah.
It was nice.
Can you tell us about that?
My kind of submarine, let's say.
I just passed sentадt.
I used to sit on it and use it,
It's amazing to me that I'm the only guy who never wants to check the box on his restaurant
if he was in AA.
This is the first time in my life I've ever been home alone in my home city.
I got that from all the people who checked it.
Nobody even followed me.
You're the only one.
You're the only one.
You're the only one.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I believe that.
I'm amazed at what I've had with you.
Don't you think that I could have done this on my own?
I believe that.
Don't you believe that, sir?
Don't I look like that guy?
Don't I look like that guy?
I love that guy.
I'm one and a half I knew but I didn't know you all.
I got three, I'll set our proteges on research and development.
But I gotta get going.
So you gonna go get that from me?
Searin' through her in a moment, Desert.
We got done together man.
We got done together with our pretty restaurant.
Searin' through her in a moment, paires.
Yeah, I'm welcome. I'm welcome. I can't live without it.
I'm welcome being a guy who's not an alcoholic.
To the guy, I don't know what may have happened.
I just, you know, I'm too clean. I don't know what people could be.
I don't know if I'm on the right path.
You know, I'm a bit of a guy. I don't know if I'm on the right path.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I can tell you what it is.
I have a question.
I have a question.
I do one, I do two, I do three, I do four, I do five, I do eight, I do nine, I do ten.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make a lot of money.
I make money.
I make a lot of money.
I've been around a lot of times thinking about how does my life feel about me.
So I've been listening to that from time to time.
It takes a while to relax a little bit.
You know, um, I would tell you to come identify folks in here.
If you hear somebody make some sense, you've done that.
You know, whether that person looks like you, acts like you.
If they make some sense, read them.
If they make some sense, just let them know.
Um, did you quit the talk?
Nope.
You know, if, uh, if you've had a little quick to listen to no one say anything, talk.
It won't be hard to do that.
I don't know how it works.
I don't know how it works, but I'm telling you that.
I've been longer, I've been so much longer than I've ever been in my life.
I was 15.
I've been thrown at.
Man.
It's like the opposite of that.
Do you talk a lot to me?
Oh, sorry about that.
You know, sometimes I become unjoined to yourself.
I'll tell you what.
You're absolutely free.
You don't have to tell on me.
That's special.
That's special.
I become here and you're not known.
That's new and old now.
That's been my whole life.
I don't want to be told what I want to be told.
Right.
Can't do a long very good move.
It feels so long.
You don't want to do that.
You don't want to use life.
So, life is so amazing, isn't it?
You know, is it supposed to take up all day in the morning?
The way it's go today is to go and hear, hear and listen.
with a solution.
This is very technical.
This is very technical
for like
how God can work
and how to live in their
life.
I've read a whole lot
of books.
I took my life out in California
to be much older.
Being there in Calvary City.
The Bible.
This didn't
be fine for me.
It worked.
But don't
repeat it over and over.
Life feels tough.
You want me to have to tell my friends
that it's not working out?
So I can finally tell her
and tell her that I'm always
going to have my way.
That that is not going to
change my life.
If it didn't work out.
You can go to hell with it.
That's what I'll talk to you
tomorrow morning.
I've got a memo now that says
here's how I can live
a better life.
Life is not rainbow.
It's not yellow.
It's not purple.
But it's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
Um.
I'm going to press it
a little bit better than you guys.
I don't pray that I'm going to be
retired anymore.
I don't pray that you guys
are not going to be retired anymore.
Um.
Sometimes I still wake up.
I'm talking about that
some moment I open my eyes
and it's good.
I'm talking about
how can you
live a better life
like this. I don't have.
I don't want to be
like you know
the softball with the
leghorn. You know what he's talking about?
You know whatever
he wants to do.
I don't want to look at him
and do my basic things.
I want to look at him
and say yeah.
I want to look at him
and say yeah.
You know what?
I pick up a phone
and I call him.
That's when I know
I'm doing what he's talking about.
And I don't want to
dig into you and get
you down on my arms.
I think these are going to be
the path I want to take in this
international community.
I'm going to run about
500 people a week
to join everything.
And also
some scholars are going to be
in my business.
I'm going to try that.
For example,
I¡¦m able to walk in
and a
lot of feelings
from somebody else that
I¡¦ve met
before.
I don't know if I did, I don't know.
I'm just not back from the root.
That's it.
That's all I do.
Call it a day, call it a day, right?
That would be, that would be all this room would be
on every table, but that's not going to be
all the things that are on the tables.
There would be two people in the room,
two different people, who would be on the table.
Anything like that.
Did you hear what he said?
I was in a room full of five hundred people
and I felt alone.
I was three thousand miles away
and there was two of me and a half dozen folks.
And I didn't speak the language.
And I got, that's what I needed.
And I knew I was, you're not alone.
You are not alone.
Fear, like fear, can make you feel that way.
So I stepped away from what was going on,
but we're not alone.
We're not alone.
Um, that's a personal, um,
I was sometimes low, yeah, sometimes low.
Sometimes I got a little low, but I got it.
You know, it's just,
just don't tear when you believe it.
You don't have to be, you don't have to go around
you know, however you want to be.
What is it?
It's you don't have to go around for fucking nothing.
But, but you know, it's just,
it's fun to go through and come to you, right?
It's just not the other way you believe in your life.
There was a people called Tom Davis.
And you don't know where he's going.
He's going out every single day.
The poor chap told me that he was, um,
he was not lonely to other people.
He was not lonely to other people.
Right?
And he probably had taught me,
you know, yeah, it's just,
we've become more successful
in our lives too.
But who doesn't have that?
So who doesn't have that?
Right?
Um,
but Rick saw me, I met him,
I was reading, reading, reading,
and then I forced him.
You know, he taught me how to be thankful I am,
how to judge who I am,
how, you know, really, you know,
you know, if you don't know any of that,
you won't be able to understand that.
Right?
I was so caught up in the way I am,
you know, the technical,
the way I am in the world.
It didn't just tell me just to, like,
stay in those deepness.
But it taught me,
and it also took me up to the next level.
I mean, to breathe in,
to calm,
to throw out hate,
you know,
to breathe in the power of acceptance,
and throw out impoliteness,
and judgment.
And arrangement.
And arrangement,
and different ways of working with people.
Um…
I do welcome you guys on that.
...
Well, thank you,
thank you guys,
you know,
Thank you,
Thank you.
You've got to know who you are.
This is the biggest thing in my life.
Only God knows what you know, my dear friend.
You know what I know.
I learned it today.
You don't need help.
Hello?
All right.
You know what I got.
But I don't know who you are, my dear friend.
You know?
This is crazy.
My life.
Oh, no.
This is crazy.
I'm out of here.
I'm out of here.
I'm not going nowhere.
Now, how about, I don't know what you Ji têmstra cosas.
Say something.
Bonjour.
Excuse me?
Voyage.
No, he has to go to any house.
Why?
I don't know. I don't know what to do with it.
Um, this program taught me a huge number of things.
They told me, you know, a thousand times,
and told me over and over again.
You know, I just couldn't help but get ready for it.
So, I appreciate the audition.
Thank you.
And now, we cannot be listening alone.
Uh, we've only got about just a minute left.
Uh, just anyway, an alcoholic,
and here at this meeting, we have a distance
which will mark our time away from our lives.
We like a private way of life.
One day at a time, we all go on a white trip.
Well, I'll see you at the White Dome.
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