Asked Higher Power for Guidance at a Job Site and He Said Why Don’t You Google It 😅 – Pat R.
About This Speaker Tape
Pat R. shares on Steps 10 and 11 at his home group in Boca Raton, grounding the maintenance steps in his daily lived experience rather than abstract theory. He opens by affirming the first two steps as non-negotiable foundations — he drank and lost his kids, proving no human power could keep him stopped — then explains how Steps 10 through 12 are really Steps 4 through 9 applied continuously, moment to moment, to stay conflict-free.
The emotional center of the talk is an unrehearsed miracle story about his mother. After she came out of a coma and asked why he couldn't get along with his sister, she later developed sepsis and faced amputation of both feet. Pat and his wife Shannon prayed over her blackened feet that night; by morning they were pink, and the surgery was canceled. His mother lived three more years and ultimately entrusted her end-of-life decisions to Pat — the same son who once crawled into her bedroom to steal rent money while she slept. He called his sister that week, closing a circle his dying mother had opened.
Pat walks the room through his actual daily routine: morning readings from multiple sources, dropping to his knees for the Third Step Prayer, then immediately losing his spiritual condition on the Sawgrass Expressway when someone sits on their phone through a green light. He's disarmingly honest about the two versions of himself that show up — the road bully who shoves cars out of lanes with his truck, and the version that puts on a blinker and waits. He describes his nightly inventory in detail, sharing the twelve-plus questions he texts to his sponsor every single night, including one borrowed from Karen at a recent Step 4 meeting: instead of asking what instinct was affected, ask how did that make me feel.
The talk is practical, funny, and grounded in specific scenes rather than slogans. Pat's central teaching is that maintenance means growth — you maintain a building by keeping it the same, but you maintain something living by promoting its growth — and that conflict is the enemy of the internal condition, addressable only one moment at a time through continuous inventory, confession, restitution, and service.
Topics
Timestamps
Full Transcript
Thanks to the 12 Steps of Bell Cards and Armaments outlining this big book, Bell Cards and Armaments,
which is the program of AA, I have recovered from a seemingly local state of mind and body.
For that, I will be forever grateful.
Anything to save...
which is the program of AA, I have recovered from a seemingly local state of mind and body.
For that, I will be forever grateful.
Anything to save...
Thanks to the 12 Steps of Bell Cards and Armaments outlining this big book, Bell Cards and Armaments,
which is the program of AA, I have recovered from a seemingly local state of mind and body.
For that, I will be forever grateful.
Anything to save my life, but any new life.
Absolutely love this life. I love being a part of this.
Congratulations, Dave.
Thank you.
I love you, Celebrants.
Dave's one of my most consistent thoughts, Steve, when it comes to my game.
Brandon's here. He's one of them.
I've got about three or four guys that are really consistent.
Please keep sending them because they're entertaining.
Thank you.
So,
I'm kind of
falling,
behind you.
You know,
I spent a lot of time on the first two steps because I'm kind of that,
of that,
you know,
I'm not saying you don't have to do all the steps to the best of your ability,
but there's two of them you got to do on set.
And those first two are it.
I mean,
you have to be all in.
I mean,
it's,
you have to be convinced of the three pertinent ideas to make this thing happen for you.
If you don't conceive that you're an alcoholic,
that means your life's unmanageable.
Then you're not going to get this thing.
And,
and if you think there's some human power on this planet,
that's going to keep you stop,
go for it.
Find it.
Because I was unable to,
this is for people who can't find that I had drank,
uh,
I drank and lost kids.
There's nobody I love more in my life than my two boys.
And in order to keep them,
I had to stay stopped and I couldn't stay stopped.
So I had proof,
no relationship,
no child,
no job.
No judge was going to keep me stopped.
There'll be a power greater than myself.
This invisible power that you guys talked about was called God.
I was just hoping that that was the answer because I didn't have one.
And I tell you this every week on here.
The truth is about all still work.
I'd still be doing.
If it's still fixed that internal condition that I suffer from to this day,
uh,
I would still be doing,
I would still be doing it.
I am still an emotional cripple.
I just have another solution.
So I spent a lot of time on now.
I spent a lot of time on step four.
I spent a lot of time on step eight and nine.
And,
uh,
so I ended up falling behind in all of these decisions.
But then I go to Africa one week and miss a week.
I didn't tell you I had this sharing with Shannon on the way home last week.
You know,
I had this epiphany on the way home that,
uh,
that I sit here,
then I pray before I speak and I asked God for guidance and I ask him to speak
through me and touch that one person in the room that I need to talk to.
And then I come up here and I do this thing and then I go home and all the way
home I'm questioning the top all the way home.
I'm saying,
why didn't I say this and why didn't I say that?
I forgot to say that.
And Shannon might even say,
why didn't you tell the story about the white thing?
You know,
because that's a great.
Story.
And I go,
God,
let me down there.
Yeah.
Well,
dude,
what's up?
I mean,
what did you money?
Huh?
I just still don't trust.
I still don't trust a hundred percent.
So I was telling Shannon that when I was speaking up here last week,
I got a couple of conversations going on in my head all the time.
You know,
I wish I was just focused.
I'm not that guy.
I'm the ADD guy.
You know,
like I'm thinking about work tomorrow.
And I'm telling you this talk,
you know,
and this,
I told you my story about my mother coming out of the coma and looking at me in the eyes
and ask me why I don't get along with my sister she's in a coma for three weeks.
And the first thing she wants to know is why I can't get along with her daughter.
That's what was important to my mother relationship with my sister.
My relationship with my sister was the most important thing in my mother's life when she
came out of almost near death.
By the way,
I called my sister Tuesday night.
Yeah.
Good day.
What are you?
I called my sister Tuesday night.
Thank you for the call.
Yeah.
And we spoke for about 30 minutes.
And uh,
but that wasn't the end of the story.
There was this,
this,
uh,
it,
it can't,
the story came to my mind,
but I didn't know if it was appropriate to share here and I didn't share it.
I just moved on,
you know,
like I,
I just left it out.
I was talking to Christian and Shannon and they said,
I should have shared it,
you know,
because it's like a,
it's an absolute miracle.
What took place after that?
My mother's,
my mother came out of that coma and,
and then ended up getting released to rehab and then left rehab and went home.
She checked yourself out of rehab.
Imagine that.
And,
and while she was at home,
she had attracted,
she had gotten sepsis somewhere.
So she was septic and went into,
went into another coma and ended up in the hospital right around the time Gary left.
I think we were at the memorial when that took place.
And so I leave the memorial and I rush to the hospital.
My mother's in another coma and her feet are black.
And the doctor tells Shannon and I were in there that we're going to have to take her in tomorrow and they have to take her feet.
And I was just like,
oh my God,
I gotta be kidding this woman,
what she's gone through.
And so Shannon and I,
when the doctor leaves,
take our hands on one of my mother's feet and we pray for my mother,
pray for God's will.
God,
if it's her time,
it's her time,
you know,
but I'd like to have her for a little while.
You know,
selfishly,
I would like to have her here for a little while.
If that be your will,
and I know I always caveat my selfish needs with that,
you know,
if it be your will.
And they took her down the next morning to do the surgery.
Her feet were pink.
I don't know about you,
but that was like proof of a miracle.
And I don't know about this prayer thing.
I don't know if prayer changes things or prayer changes my attitude towards things.
I don't know.
I don't know how that all works.
I just know that we prayed in a freaking miracle took place.
And my mother got another three years and I guarantee it wasn't for me.
It was for her.
God gave her those three years for her.
Not necessarily for me.
I was glad to have her.
Look,
I get it.
When your time is done here,
your time is done.
I'm not that guy who wants to control how long you live on this planet.
You know,
when you get rewarded is the way I see.
And so we got to have a pretty good relationship.
And the whole point of this story,
it gets
before my mother passed.
She put her life in mind.
Legally,
he makes the call.
What the product of son makes the call.
You know,
I was the one that kept her up at night.
Wondered if I was dead or alive.
I was the one she got a good night's sleep when I was in jail.
Well,
I don't know.
She would make it her purse when I came to her house.
I was on the ground into her bedroom.
While she was sleeping,
it stole her money.
So her rent.
She put her life in my hands.
Not my brother.
She's not one of us.
Not my sisters.
This whole one of my favorite lines.
I must say that a hundred times,
right?
One of my favorite lines in the book though is in the a step,
right?
The defective relationships are the cause of all of the
wrong problems.
All of our problems,
including our alcoholism.
But all of our problems are created by defective relationships.
Mostly because of my selfishness of my self-centeredness and my fear,
you know,
my self-pity,
you know,
they claim that the third step,
you know,
I'm driven by these instincts that put me in conflict with God,
put me in conflict with myself and put me in conflict with you.
And that is really my problem.
I need to repair these relationships.
All these steps have been about a relationship with God,
a relationship with me in a relationship with you.
The three dimensions,
spiritual,
mental,
physical,
right?
It's all been about bringing us into harmony with the rest of the world and
with God.
It's all been about that.
How do I really in these instincts will drive so that I'm not in conflict.
I can't do conflict.
I don't do conflict.
Well today.
I need to keep myself out of conflict.
And there's that's the solution to this internal condition that I suffer from
the less conflict,
the less emotions I have to deal with.
And if I don't have to deal with these feelings that I don't know how to solve,
then I don't have to worry about picking up a drink.
I have this new tool and I think I share with you guys in my fifth step.
I had this spiritual experience.
I've been not just one of us.
It's going to call what was it was an experience.
Yeah,
it was the first time in my life that I was an,
an actual peace without a drink or a drug in my system.
I wanted more of that.
That's what I've been chasing since that day.
I've been chasing more of that.
I'm still chasing.
I still want more of that.
I want more peace or more God work.
God is peace to me.
I want more of that.
And at this point in our recovery,
my recovery,
the recovery is in place.
I have all the tools I need.
Now to live life conflict free.
The way of life.
We have the way of life.
We've given the tools right inventory,
confession,
restitution,
helpfulness to others,
dependence upon God.
We've been given these tools.
To stay conflict free.
And to me,
that's what it's all about.
Not to me.
That's what steps 10,
11 and 12 are all about.
You know,
they're all tools to keep me out of conflict.
They're all tools to get me back into the sunlight.
But I need the sunlight.
Bill talks about step 10 is we've entered the world of the spirit,
right?
This fourth dimension to be talked about that we needed to be rocketed into.
He's talking about the moment he's talking about.
Now,
you know,
we've been rocketed into the fourth dimension.
Probably back then.
The fourth dimension was taught,
right?
We've been rocketed into now.
We're rocking into the moment.
Is it that what this is all about?
No,
just one day at a time.
One moment at a time.
How do I stay conflict free?
One moment at a time.
My next function now is to grow towards that,
right?
Our next function is to grow and understanding and effectiveness.
Understanding of my God of this power that I believe in this under more understanding of that.
And what is his or her or its will for me?
And give me the power to carry that out.
That's what that's what step 11 is about.
I think they're talking about step 11 right at the beginning of step 10.
My next function is to grow and understanding and effectiveness.
Understanding of God's will for me.
And how do I carry that message?
How can I be effective in carrying this message?
Is this message is about a power within ourselves.
That's what this message is.
That's AA's message.
We have this invisible power that's going to solve your problem.
You call whatever you want,
but it's not human.
And it's not a freaking tree.
It's not a doorknob or a dog.
You know,
sorry if I hurt your feelings.
This is this is more than that.
You know, I'm more powerful than a dog or a doorknob or tree.
So really what they've done
is warned me
that if I don't continue to grow,
then I am going to regress.
Right?
We're either progressing or regressing.
There's no word dressing,
right?
There's no stains.
You can't dress,
you know,
you're either progressing or your regress.
One of the uh,
they warned us that be careful not to rest on our laurels,
right?
Don't rest on our past accomplishments.
We're going to sit here and step sign and say,
I got it.
Because we do.
If you've worked this,
if you,
if you follow the precise,
specific clear cut,
exact directions in that book,
you would have had a transformation take place as a result of those nine steps.
I would guarantee you if you've done the best,
you can write 100% on step one and two,
do the best you can on four through nine,
because we're going to continue four through nine for the rest of our freaking life.
If you want to stay conflict free,
and if you want to maintain this spiritual experience,
this transformation,
it takes place this awakening.
And let me tell you,
if you haven't felt it,
it's step nine continue.
It will come.
It will come.
You will find your niche.
You will find your belief.
You will find your power.
It will come to you.
I was fortunate.
I was one of the fortunate ones.
I had it in five and I've been growing in that ever since,
but I can't rest here.
That's it.
We sometimes refer to this as a maintenance step to maintain.
Something is to keep it the same.
You're maintaining this building.
You're keeping it the same as it was when it was built.
You're maintaining your car.
You're keeping it the same.
You're maintaining something that is living.
You're promoting its growth.
You're maintaining a plant.
You're watering it.
You're promoting its growth.
Maintain my recovery.
I need to grow it.
I need to promote its growth.
And I don't think it's a good.
I think look when I rewrite the book,
I'm probably going to do 11 10 11,
right?
Like it should have been in the book,
right?
Yes.
I mean,
really like Bill starts at 10.
Why does he start at 10?
Why does he start at the plot?
Check inventory because of six and seven.
Right?
Because of six and seven.
What did we do in six and seven?
Nothing real.
We became willing to have God remover and we asked him to remove them.
And we're practicing the opposite of those character defects,
trying to remove them with God's help.
But where am I applying that in my life?
Moment to moment.
In the now moment to moment.
How do I stay conflict free?
Not right now.
And that's what step 10 to me is that spot check inventory on my client.
I'm like the effects of care.
You're not going away.
They are not going away.
I've reeled a lot of them in,
especially the ones that will cause me jail time,
you know,
or fines stuff like that.
But those more subtle ones,
they're only God knows about.
You know,
those,
what is it?
Well,
as well,
chamber says,
but you guys know me by reputation.
God knows me in the dark.
What about the things in the dark?
Those are the things that I got to work on.
Those are the things that I need God's help with.
And those are the things that I have to use.
Step 10.
Step 10 is that constant,
constant spot check inventory.
I got up,
I left the house.
I left the house.
I went to work.
I did my first job.
What happened?
I feel like crap.
What the hell happened?
The book is telling me.
All right,
what happened between the time you left the house?
And now do a quick inventory.
Are you in conflict with somebody or something?
You need to call your sponsor talking about something that you're leaving unchecked.
This a character defect and you need to admit that you're acting out on again.
If you need to ask God's help for it,
is this did you do something where you own a menace?
Yeah,
four through nine.
That's what step 10 is to me.
Four through nine all the time.
Four through nine all the time.
Over and over and over.
If I want to stay conflict-free,
I'm going to give him conflict.
I'm just some days.
I'm the asshole.
Some days they are,
you know,
it's just and they're spread evenly through the world.
By the way,
they're not all concentrated in one spot.
Yeah.
And I have I deal with different people all day long.
I tell you where where I matters the most.
My wife calls me a road bully.
I think I'm a load of me.
And a teacher of sorts.
I've motivated a couple people on the way over here.
And on their freaking phone in front of me.
Well,
the light is green and they're the only ones that's going to get through it.
And they think it's okay.
When they put the phone down,
the thing for it and get through the freaking light and nobody else stops.
Yeah,
that doesn't bother me at all.
So,
the,
look,
we're going to be doing inventory the rest of our lives.
Let's let's be clear.
I don't know.
I don't feel what you don't want to do.
One four step caught one force up.
That's fine.
You want to do annual semi-annual four steps.
That's fine.
Maybe spot check inventory,
like the inventories,
Daniel,
whatever you want to do,
but we're going to be doing inventory the rest of our lives.
We are going to be looking in the mirror for the rest of our lives.
This is not about them.
It's about me and my inability was to say love and tolerance is our code.
That's a tall word.
If you have to do that 10 step,
that's a tall word.
That's a tall word.
So,
I use the 11th step.
In the way Bill describes it,
10th 11th.
So,
he described I'm not getting the order.
He has it.
I think he stuck 10 in there.
Like I said,
to work on six,
it's up.
But then the next thing he has this nightly inventory.
So,
here's,
here's the way just,
just as a focus reference,
right?
We get to the 12 and 12.
They have all the inventories and step and,
and I think that's why he called it like,
the inventory step 10 sometimes because people are 12 and 12 fans,
right?
So,
they,
and I'm not,
I like the 12 and 12,
but all the inventories are in step 10 and the 12 and 12 and all the prayer meditations in,
in step 11 in the 12 and 12 and we'll maybe get more into prayer meditation next week.
But,
but here's what they're asking is,
and this is what I do in the morning.
I do exactly what he said upon awakening.
As soon as I am awake,
make conscious content.
Now,
that isn't exactly what happens.
I usually get up in the morning and look in the mirror and go,
shit,
you know,
am I the only one?
I mean,
I don't wake up automatically focused on God.
You know,
as soon as I say shit,
I say,
thank you,
you know,
and I get turned around and I'm,
and I'm not that guy that just drops on my knees right before,
before I do anything.
You know,
I go in,
I brush my teeth.
I take my vitamins.
I do what I'm supposed to do in the bathroom.
I go out,
I get my coffee started.
I get my drink,
like my protein drink that I drink in the morning.
And then I sit and I read.
Sheldon sends me a reading every morning.
Big Book George sends me a reading every day.
I did Oswald Chambers in the morning.
Bishop Barron,
I got this reading in the morning and I sit there and I do three,
four,
maybe five quick readings,
not long readings.
I do these readings.
And then I do drop to my knees and I got away from that.
By the way,
I don't know what,
why I did it.
Why,
why do we get away?
Or why do I get away from stuff that works?
Right?
Like when I first got here,
there was no morning and evening.
I didn't get on my knees.
Not one.
I took every suggested one.
And then some point I thought that wasn't necessary.
And I just got to live.
And I caught myself on it.
So why don't you do it?
What's why?
Why wouldn't you?
You do that.
And I'm not saying that to requirement.
I mean,
it's just,
it's just me.
This time.
I mean,
there's something about bending my knees and I bend my will.
You know,
there's something about that.
There's something about this surrender that takes place.
When I get on my knees,
it's focused.
It happens.
When I'm on my knees,
this reference,
if you will,
I don't know.
I don't know what,
I don't think it's necessary for everybody,
but it,
but it works for me.
And I get on my knees.
I do a third step prayer,
right?
Everyone.
I surrender.
And then I take a look.
Like it says at my day,
I I'm a service guy.
So I'm,
I'm in four to sometimes six different houses every day.
And I have jobs to do that.
I've never done before.
And I asked God for direction.
You know,
I asked,
I was,
and I suffer from fearful.
It's fear unknown,
right?
It's a job that I've never done before.
Now.
I've never gotten to one and not been able to do it,
but I asked God for guidance.
I asked God for help.
And you know what?
Usually God says to me,
why don't you Google it?
Do you take a look at it on the internet?
Then you'll get an idea of what you're supposed to do.
And so,
so I do that.
I prepare for the day in the morning.
And this,
this is not a half hour,
45 minute deal.
This is a 15 minute deal for
because I'll get,
I'll get caught up in what I have to do because I need to be at work.
I'm usually at work by
somewhere between six 30 and seven five.
And then I get on the road up feeling pretty spiritual.
And then I got to merge on the song.
There goes
the motorway.
First off,
I don't know what the hell you're doing in the right lane.
That's an exit lane.
Just for your reference.
Well,
the right lane is an exit lane.
The middle lane is a travel lane.
The left lane is a passenger.
Right?
When I'm getting on that and you're in my lane,
I might just shove you over to the lane.
You belong.
As I'm driving a pretty big vehicle,
you've got that little ass car.
So I'll probably be able to motivate you
to move up.
Now,
that's one path that shows up.
You know,
there's another one that shows up.
It just floors it,
you know,
and just gets in front of everyone.
And then I don't care if I have to kick up some stones,
you know,
then I'll get in there and get in front of everybody.
I'll beat you all to the tokens,
you know,
and then we'll all meet up though.
Yeah.
Or I put my blinker on
and I wait for an opening.
Well,
you just speed up or slow down and I move in
and I stay in the zone.
But as soon as I'm on that sawgrass,
and I've got that wrinkled forehead again,
and I'm feeling restless here in Old District Town already,
and I just left the house like spiritual path,
you know,
there's my tent set right there.
Get back on track.
Get back on track.
You know,
set the course in the morning.
I set the course.
Now I'm going to have to make some course,
but I heard Bob D tell that story once.
He said,
Bob,
by the way,
that's who's at Serenity by the Sea.
Well,
he's there every year.
Good conference.
Bob used to say,
you know,
it's like,
it's like sailing.
He said,
you don't get in a boat and just point it towards the Bahamas
and think you're going to hit the Bahamas
without making some course corrections,
right?
You're going to have to,
the winds going to change,
the currents are going to change,
and you're going to have to make some corrections on the way.
The last way I see step 10,
people are going to change,
the traffic's going to change,
the winds going to change.
I need to make course corrections along the way.
And step 10 is that inventory,
confession,
restitution,
helpfulness,
others,
love and tolerance.
You know,
that's that way of life that I can get back in the zone again.
So after I almost crashed it on the sawgrass,
I'm back in the zone on my way to work until one of the employees
gets,
you know,
comes late or doesn't want to work.
And then what's the more conflict in my life?
So it's all about me.
It's not about that.
I remember sitting in traffic,
calling my sponsor.
And I said,
this,
I'm supposed to report sitting in this traffic crash.
I'm not thinking about anybody.
It might be dead up ahead.
You know,
just me.
I'm sitting in traffic.
I can't believe this shit.
And he says to me,
Pat,
you are in the traffic.
I am the traffic.
I am the traffic.
Is that there's something you should see in there?
Is there something you could be helpful for right now?
There's something you can do.
Make a phone call.
And that's exactly what I do.
Now,
if I'm in that traffic,
I think about a spot.
See,
it might be a phone call or somebody comes on my heart.
I call them and I think they think I'm checking up on them.
I think,
you know,
I'm trying to get out of my stuff and then I do that a lot.
I do that a lot.
Since I'm in conflict,
I know how to get out of it.
We're talking a little bit about step 12 there,
right?
No,
right.
Get out of me.
Help you get out of my head.
I need to get out of my head.
How important is it?
Really?
There's somebody up there.
That's just been in a crash and you're bitching because you're sitting in traffic.
I mean,
to really look at reality,
then I'm back in the moment,
you know,
back in the zone.
Conflict free for another couple minutes until I go to somebody's house and I knock on the door and they don't answer fast enough.
I got to sit in there from beating on the door.
Like,
what the hell?
And there's two of you that show up.
There's the one that goes,
what the hell?
Just take it.
You can still lock the door.
This is bullshit.
My time is valuable.
Then there's the other one.
It's just patient.
Some days,
just,
you know,
maybe I'll make a phone call.
Hope they're all right.
But it depends on me.
My relationship usually dictates my relationships with the customer.
I can react and I can be in conflict with them or in harmony with them.
Depends on my attitude,
not necessarily theirs.
Arthur said something.
It's Monday night.
It was so profound,
right?
He says,
you want to stop people from cutting you off in traffic.
I said,
yeah,
he said,
let me.
How simple,
but how profound profound things are there.
That was just like,
I still think about that,
you know,
all the time and I'm good tapping.
I don't,
we don't want to let anybody in,
right?
Especially that basket.
It's all that.
The lane was closing four miles back,
you know,
but he's going to fly all the way up and everybody.
I share that guy.
That's to me,
working the Tesla 11 step in a morning.
10 step all day long.
And then my night,
the event.
And I'm pretty religious about my night.
Being able to,
you know,
I,
I rarely miss it.
Rarely miss it.
And,
uh,
I got about a handful of guys that are really,
really good at it.
And we use the questions exactly the way they're laid out in the book.
Only we added a few and mine.
So how was I resentful today?
If so,
do a four column inventory.
Who is it?
Or what is it?
Why?
And I'd love what Karen said.
Uh,
it was the four step a few weeks back because we always talk about what instinct,
was affected.
She said,
how did that make me feel?
I like that question better.
I think we're going to change it on our four shift goals.
I like it.
How did that make me feel?
Because once you know how it makes you feel,
now you know what instinct was affected.
And then did I do anything to set the ball rolling?
Do a quick inventory on it.
Most of the time,
you know,
it was resentment that came and went,
you know,
I already 10 stepped it and I can write down.
I guess I was resentful.
There's a whole,
you know,
inventory.
I'm over it.
Sometimes it's still hanging in there.
There's some that are tough.
How was I selfish today?
Question three.
Was I dishonest for question four?
Was I afraid today?
Five.
Do I own apology?
Six.
What can I probably what have I wrongly kept a secret?
Seven.
Was I unkind?
Eight.
Was I unloving?
Nine.
What could I have done better?
10.
Was I thinking of myself most of the time?
11.
Was I thinking of what I could do for others?
12.
Was I thinking of what I can pack into the stream of life?
And these are the ones we've added.
Who did I help today?
What did I accomplish today?
What am I grateful for today?
And who needs my prayers today?
And I do it despite every single I text minutes,
you know,
I mean,
I don't I have it.
I upload it into word.
Everybody wants this.
By the way,
I'm glad to email it to you.
I uploaded the word.
I fill it out every night when I go to close it and ask if I want to save it.
I say no,
it is fresh for the next month,
you know,
and I just copy paste it and send it to my sponsor every night.
And if you see something on there that draws his attention,
he will call me out on it.
Just like I could,
you know,
if I see something on the inventory that needs attention or I think you need to talk about,
I will,
I will say thank you.
How about we get together and talk about such and such?
And to me,
that's how we stay current.
That's how we stay in the sunlight of spirit.
That's how I can close my eyes.
Knowing that I did the best I could today and I'm at peace.
I'm not in conflict.
Now,
if there is something there that I still have laying on that page,
I'm going to address that thing first thing in the morning.
I'm going to get up tomorrow morning and as soon as I can,
I'm going to address that thing and get current.
I'm out of time,
man.
All right.
We'll do more 11 next week.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks.
which is the program of AA, I have recovered from a seemingly local state of mind and body.
For that, I will be forever grateful.
Anything to save my life, but any new life.
Absolutely love this life. I love being a part of this.
Congratulations, Dave.
Thank you.
I love you, Celebrants.
Dave's one of my most consistent thoughts, Steve, when it comes to my game.
Brandon's here. He's one of them.
I've got about three or four guys that are really consistent.
Please keep sending them because they're entertaining.
Thank you.
So,
I'm kind of
falling,
behind you.
You know,
I spent a lot of time on the first two steps because I'm kind of that,
of that,
you know,
I'm not saying you don't have to do all the steps to the best of your ability,
but there's two of them you got to do on set.
And those first two are it.
I mean,
you have to be all in.
I mean,
it's,
you have to be convinced of the three pertinent ideas to make this thing happen for you.
If you don't conceive that you're an alcoholic,
that means your life's unmanageable.
Then you're not going to get this thing.
And,
and if you think there's some human power on this planet,
that's going to keep you stop,
go for it.
Find it.
Because I was unable to,
this is for people who can't find that I had drank,
uh,
I drank and lost kids.
There's nobody I love more in my life than my two boys.
And in order to keep them,
I had to stay stopped and I couldn't stay stopped.
So I had proof,
no relationship,
no child,
no job.
No judge was going to keep me stopped.
There'll be a power greater than myself.
This invisible power that you guys talked about was called God.
I was just hoping that that was the answer because I didn't have one.
And I tell you this every week on here.
The truth is about all still work.
I'd still be doing.
If it's still fixed that internal condition that I suffer from to this day,
uh,
I would still be doing,
I would still be doing it.
I am still an emotional cripple.
I just have another solution.
So I spent a lot of time on now.
I spent a lot of time on step four.
I spent a lot of time on step eight and nine.
And,
uh,
so I ended up falling behind in all of these decisions.
But then I go to Africa one week and miss a week.
I didn't tell you I had this sharing with Shannon on the way home last week.
You know,
I had this epiphany on the way home that,
uh,
that I sit here,
then I pray before I speak and I asked God for guidance and I ask him to speak
through me and touch that one person in the room that I need to talk to.
And then I come up here and I do this thing and then I go home and all the way
home I'm questioning the top all the way home.
I'm saying,
why didn't I say this and why didn't I say that?
I forgot to say that.
And Shannon might even say,
why didn't you tell the story about the white thing?
You know,
because that's a great.
Story.
And I go,
God,
let me down there.
Yeah.
Well,
dude,
what's up?
I mean,
what did you money?
Huh?
I just still don't trust.
I still don't trust a hundred percent.
So I was telling Shannon that when I was speaking up here last week,
I got a couple of conversations going on in my head all the time.
You know,
I wish I was just focused.
I'm not that guy.
I'm the ADD guy.
You know,
like I'm thinking about work tomorrow.
And I'm telling you this talk,
you know,
and this,
I told you my story about my mother coming out of the coma and looking at me in the eyes
and ask me why I don't get along with my sister she's in a coma for three weeks.
And the first thing she wants to know is why I can't get along with her daughter.
That's what was important to my mother relationship with my sister.
My relationship with my sister was the most important thing in my mother's life when she
came out of almost near death.
By the way,
I called my sister Tuesday night.
Yeah.
Good day.
What are you?
I called my sister Tuesday night.
Thank you for the call.
Yeah.
And we spoke for about 30 minutes.
And uh,
but that wasn't the end of the story.
There was this,
this,
uh,
it,
it can't,
the story came to my mind,
but I didn't know if it was appropriate to share here and I didn't share it.
I just moved on,
you know,
like I,
I just left it out.
I was talking to Christian and Shannon and they said,
I should have shared it,
you know,
because it's like a,
it's an absolute miracle.
What took place after that?
My mother's,
my mother came out of that coma and,
and then ended up getting released to rehab and then left rehab and went home.
She checked yourself out of rehab.
Imagine that.
And,
and while she was at home,
she had attracted,
she had gotten sepsis somewhere.
So she was septic and went into,
went into another coma and ended up in the hospital right around the time Gary left.
I think we were at the memorial when that took place.
And so I leave the memorial and I rush to the hospital.
My mother's in another coma and her feet are black.
And the doctor tells Shannon and I were in there that we're going to have to take her in tomorrow and they have to take her feet.
And I was just like,
oh my God,
I gotta be kidding this woman,
what she's gone through.
And so Shannon and I,
when the doctor leaves,
take our hands on one of my mother's feet and we pray for my mother,
pray for God's will.
God,
if it's her time,
it's her time,
you know,
but I'd like to have her for a little while.
You know,
selfishly,
I would like to have her here for a little while.
If that be your will,
and I know I always caveat my selfish needs with that,
you know,
if it be your will.
And they took her down the next morning to do the surgery.
Her feet were pink.
I don't know about you,
but that was like proof of a miracle.
And I don't know about this prayer thing.
I don't know if prayer changes things or prayer changes my attitude towards things.
I don't know.
I don't know how that all works.
I just know that we prayed in a freaking miracle took place.
And my mother got another three years and I guarantee it wasn't for me.
It was for her.
God gave her those three years for her.
Not necessarily for me.
I was glad to have her.
Look,
I get it.
When your time is done here,
your time is done.
I'm not that guy who wants to control how long you live on this planet.
You know,
when you get rewarded is the way I see.
And so we got to have a pretty good relationship.
And the whole point of this story,
it gets
before my mother passed.
She put her life in mind.
Legally,
he makes the call.
What the product of son makes the call.
You know,
I was the one that kept her up at night.
Wondered if I was dead or alive.
I was the one she got a good night's sleep when I was in jail.
Well,
I don't know.
She would make it her purse when I came to her house.
I was on the ground into her bedroom.
While she was sleeping,
it stole her money.
So her rent.
She put her life in my hands.
Not my brother.
She's not one of us.
Not my sisters.
This whole one of my favorite lines.
I must say that a hundred times,
right?
One of my favorite lines in the book though is in the a step,
right?
The defective relationships are the cause of all of the
wrong problems.
All of our problems,
including our alcoholism.
But all of our problems are created by defective relationships.
Mostly because of my selfishness of my self-centeredness and my fear,
you know,
my self-pity,
you know,
they claim that the third step,
you know,
I'm driven by these instincts that put me in conflict with God,
put me in conflict with myself and put me in conflict with you.
And that is really my problem.
I need to repair these relationships.
All these steps have been about a relationship with God,
a relationship with me in a relationship with you.
The three dimensions,
spiritual,
mental,
physical,
right?
It's all been about bringing us into harmony with the rest of the world and
with God.
It's all been about that.
How do I really in these instincts will drive so that I'm not in conflict.
I can't do conflict.
I don't do conflict.
Well today.
I need to keep myself out of conflict.
And there's that's the solution to this internal condition that I suffer from
the less conflict,
the less emotions I have to deal with.
And if I don't have to deal with these feelings that I don't know how to solve,
then I don't have to worry about picking up a drink.
I have this new tool and I think I share with you guys in my fifth step.
I had this spiritual experience.
I've been not just one of us.
It's going to call what was it was an experience.
Yeah,
it was the first time in my life that I was an,
an actual peace without a drink or a drug in my system.
I wanted more of that.
That's what I've been chasing since that day.
I've been chasing more of that.
I'm still chasing.
I still want more of that.
I want more peace or more God work.
God is peace to me.
I want more of that.
And at this point in our recovery,
my recovery,
the recovery is in place.
I have all the tools I need.
Now to live life conflict free.
The way of life.
We have the way of life.
We've given the tools right inventory,
confession,
restitution,
helpfulness to others,
dependence upon God.
We've been given these tools.
To stay conflict free.
And to me,
that's what it's all about.
Not to me.
That's what steps 10,
11 and 12 are all about.
You know,
they're all tools to keep me out of conflict.
They're all tools to get me back into the sunlight.
But I need the sunlight.
Bill talks about step 10 is we've entered the world of the spirit,
right?
This fourth dimension to be talked about that we needed to be rocketed into.
He's talking about the moment he's talking about.
Now,
you know,
we've been rocketed into the fourth dimension.
Probably back then.
The fourth dimension was taught,
right?
We've been rocketed into now.
We're rocking into the moment.
Is it that what this is all about?
No,
just one day at a time.
One moment at a time.
How do I stay conflict free?
One moment at a time.
My next function now is to grow towards that,
right?
Our next function is to grow and understanding and effectiveness.
Understanding of my God of this power that I believe in this under more understanding of that.
And what is his or her or its will for me?
And give me the power to carry that out.
That's what that's what step 11 is about.
I think they're talking about step 11 right at the beginning of step 10.
My next function is to grow and understanding and effectiveness.
Understanding of God's will for me.
And how do I carry that message?
How can I be effective in carrying this message?
Is this message is about a power within ourselves.
That's what this message is.
That's AA's message.
We have this invisible power that's going to solve your problem.
You call whatever you want,
but it's not human.
And it's not a freaking tree.
It's not a doorknob or a dog.
You know,
sorry if I hurt your feelings.
This is this is more than that.
You know, I'm more powerful than a dog or a doorknob or tree.
So really what they've done
is warned me
that if I don't continue to grow,
then I am going to regress.
Right?
We're either progressing or regressing.
There's no word dressing,
right?
There's no stains.
You can't dress,
you know,
you're either progressing or your regress.
One of the uh,
they warned us that be careful not to rest on our laurels,
right?
Don't rest on our past accomplishments.
We're going to sit here and step sign and say,
I got it.
Because we do.
If you've worked this,
if you,
if you follow the precise,
specific clear cut,
exact directions in that book,
you would have had a transformation take place as a result of those nine steps.
I would guarantee you if you've done the best,
you can write 100% on step one and two,
do the best you can on four through nine,
because we're going to continue four through nine for the rest of our freaking life.
If you want to stay conflict free,
and if you want to maintain this spiritual experience,
this transformation,
it takes place this awakening.
And let me tell you,
if you haven't felt it,
it's step nine continue.
It will come.
It will come.
You will find your niche.
You will find your belief.
You will find your power.
It will come to you.
I was fortunate.
I was one of the fortunate ones.
I had it in five and I've been growing in that ever since,
but I can't rest here.
That's it.
We sometimes refer to this as a maintenance step to maintain.
Something is to keep it the same.
You're maintaining this building.
You're keeping it the same as it was when it was built.
You're maintaining your car.
You're keeping it the same.
You're maintaining something that is living.
You're promoting its growth.
You're maintaining a plant.
You're watering it.
You're promoting its growth.
Maintain my recovery.
I need to grow it.
I need to promote its growth.
And I don't think it's a good.
I think look when I rewrite the book,
I'm probably going to do 11 10 11,
right?
Like it should have been in the book,
right?
Yes.
I mean,
really like Bill starts at 10.
Why does he start at 10?
Why does he start at the plot?
Check inventory because of six and seven.
Right?
Because of six and seven.
What did we do in six and seven?
Nothing real.
We became willing to have God remover and we asked him to remove them.
And we're practicing the opposite of those character defects,
trying to remove them with God's help.
But where am I applying that in my life?
Moment to moment.
In the now moment to moment.
How do I stay conflict free?
Not right now.
And that's what step 10 to me is that spot check inventory on my client.
I'm like the effects of care.
You're not going away.
They are not going away.
I've reeled a lot of them in,
especially the ones that will cause me jail time,
you know,
or fines stuff like that.
But those more subtle ones,
they're only God knows about.
You know,
those,
what is it?
Well,
as well,
chamber says,
but you guys know me by reputation.
God knows me in the dark.
What about the things in the dark?
Those are the things that I got to work on.
Those are the things that I need God's help with.
And those are the things that I have to use.
Step 10.
Step 10 is that constant,
constant spot check inventory.
I got up,
I left the house.
I left the house.
I went to work.
I did my first job.
What happened?
I feel like crap.
What the hell happened?
The book is telling me.
All right,
what happened between the time you left the house?
And now do a quick inventory.
Are you in conflict with somebody or something?
You need to call your sponsor talking about something that you're leaving unchecked.
This a character defect and you need to admit that you're acting out on again.
If you need to ask God's help for it,
is this did you do something where you own a menace?
Yeah,
four through nine.
That's what step 10 is to me.
Four through nine all the time.
Four through nine all the time.
Over and over and over.
If I want to stay conflict-free,
I'm going to give him conflict.
I'm just some days.
I'm the asshole.
Some days they are,
you know,
it's just and they're spread evenly through the world.
By the way,
they're not all concentrated in one spot.
Yeah.
And I have I deal with different people all day long.
I tell you where where I matters the most.
My wife calls me a road bully.
I think I'm a load of me.
And a teacher of sorts.
I've motivated a couple people on the way over here.
And on their freaking phone in front of me.
Well,
the light is green and they're the only ones that's going to get through it.
And they think it's okay.
When they put the phone down,
the thing for it and get through the freaking light and nobody else stops.
Yeah,
that doesn't bother me at all.
So,
the,
look,
we're going to be doing inventory the rest of our lives.
Let's let's be clear.
I don't know.
I don't feel what you don't want to do.
One four step caught one force up.
That's fine.
You want to do annual semi-annual four steps.
That's fine.
Maybe spot check inventory,
like the inventories,
Daniel,
whatever you want to do,
but we're going to be doing inventory the rest of our lives.
We are going to be looking in the mirror for the rest of our lives.
This is not about them.
It's about me and my inability was to say love and tolerance is our code.
That's a tall word.
If you have to do that 10 step,
that's a tall word.
That's a tall word.
So,
I use the 11th step.
In the way Bill describes it,
10th 11th.
So,
he described I'm not getting the order.
He has it.
I think he stuck 10 in there.
Like I said,
to work on six,
it's up.
But then the next thing he has this nightly inventory.
So,
here's,
here's the way just,
just as a focus reference,
right?
We get to the 12 and 12.
They have all the inventories and step and,
and I think that's why he called it like,
the inventory step 10 sometimes because people are 12 and 12 fans,
right?
So,
they,
and I'm not,
I like the 12 and 12,
but all the inventories are in step 10 and the 12 and 12 and all the prayer meditations in,
in step 11 in the 12 and 12 and we'll maybe get more into prayer meditation next week.
But,
but here's what they're asking is,
and this is what I do in the morning.
I do exactly what he said upon awakening.
As soon as I am awake,
make conscious content.
Now,
that isn't exactly what happens.
I usually get up in the morning and look in the mirror and go,
shit,
you know,
am I the only one?
I mean,
I don't wake up automatically focused on God.
You know,
as soon as I say shit,
I say,
thank you,
you know,
and I get turned around and I'm,
and I'm not that guy that just drops on my knees right before,
before I do anything.
You know,
I go in,
I brush my teeth.
I take my vitamins.
I do what I'm supposed to do in the bathroom.
I go out,
I get my coffee started.
I get my drink,
like my protein drink that I drink in the morning.
And then I sit and I read.
Sheldon sends me a reading every morning.
Big Book George sends me a reading every day.
I did Oswald Chambers in the morning.
Bishop Barron,
I got this reading in the morning and I sit there and I do three,
four,
maybe five quick readings,
not long readings.
I do these readings.
And then I do drop to my knees and I got away from that.
By the way,
I don't know what,
why I did it.
Why,
why do we get away?
Or why do I get away from stuff that works?
Right?
Like when I first got here,
there was no morning and evening.
I didn't get on my knees.
Not one.
I took every suggested one.
And then some point I thought that wasn't necessary.
And I just got to live.
And I caught myself on it.
So why don't you do it?
What's why?
Why wouldn't you?
You do that.
And I'm not saying that to requirement.
I mean,
it's just,
it's just me.
This time.
I mean,
there's something about bending my knees and I bend my will.
You know,
there's something about that.
There's something about this surrender that takes place.
When I get on my knees,
it's focused.
It happens.
When I'm on my knees,
this reference,
if you will,
I don't know.
I don't know what,
I don't think it's necessary for everybody,
but it,
but it works for me.
And I get on my knees.
I do a third step prayer,
right?
Everyone.
I surrender.
And then I take a look.
Like it says at my day,
I I'm a service guy.
So I'm,
I'm in four to sometimes six different houses every day.
And I have jobs to do that.
I've never done before.
And I asked God for direction.
You know,
I asked,
I was,
and I suffer from fearful.
It's fear unknown,
right?
It's a job that I've never done before.
Now.
I've never gotten to one and not been able to do it,
but I asked God for guidance.
I asked God for help.
And you know what?
Usually God says to me,
why don't you Google it?
Do you take a look at it on the internet?
Then you'll get an idea of what you're supposed to do.
And so,
so I do that.
I prepare for the day in the morning.
And this,
this is not a half hour,
45 minute deal.
This is a 15 minute deal for
because I'll get,
I'll get caught up in what I have to do because I need to be at work.
I'm usually at work by
somewhere between six 30 and seven five.
And then I get on the road up feeling pretty spiritual.
And then I got to merge on the song.
There goes
the motorway.
First off,
I don't know what the hell you're doing in the right lane.
That's an exit lane.
Just for your reference.
Well,
the right lane is an exit lane.
The middle lane is a travel lane.
The left lane is a passenger.
Right?
When I'm getting on that and you're in my lane,
I might just shove you over to the lane.
You belong.
As I'm driving a pretty big vehicle,
you've got that little ass car.
So I'll probably be able to motivate you
to move up.
Now,
that's one path that shows up.
You know,
there's another one that shows up.
It just floors it,
you know,
and just gets in front of everyone.
And then I don't care if I have to kick up some stones,
you know,
then I'll get in there and get in front of everybody.
I'll beat you all to the tokens,
you know,
and then we'll all meet up though.
Yeah.
Or I put my blinker on
and I wait for an opening.
Well,
you just speed up or slow down and I move in
and I stay in the zone.
But as soon as I'm on that sawgrass,
and I've got that wrinkled forehead again,
and I'm feeling restless here in Old District Town already,
and I just left the house like spiritual path,
you know,
there's my tent set right there.
Get back on track.
Get back on track.
You know,
set the course in the morning.
I set the course.
Now I'm going to have to make some course,
but I heard Bob D tell that story once.
He said,
Bob,
by the way,
that's who's at Serenity by the Sea.
Well,
he's there every year.
Good conference.
Bob used to say,
you know,
it's like,
it's like sailing.
He said,
you don't get in a boat and just point it towards the Bahamas
and think you're going to hit the Bahamas
without making some course corrections,
right?
You're going to have to,
the winds going to change,
the currents are going to change,
and you're going to have to make some corrections on the way.
The last way I see step 10,
people are going to change,
the traffic's going to change,
the winds going to change.
I need to make course corrections along the way.
And step 10 is that inventory,
confession,
restitution,
helpfulness,
others,
love and tolerance.
You know,
that's that way of life that I can get back in the zone again.
So after I almost crashed it on the sawgrass,
I'm back in the zone on my way to work until one of the employees
gets,
you know,
comes late or doesn't want to work.
And then what's the more conflict in my life?
So it's all about me.
It's not about that.
I remember sitting in traffic,
calling my sponsor.
And I said,
this,
I'm supposed to report sitting in this traffic crash.
I'm not thinking about anybody.
It might be dead up ahead.
You know,
just me.
I'm sitting in traffic.
I can't believe this shit.
And he says to me,
Pat,
you are in the traffic.
I am the traffic.
I am the traffic.
Is that there's something you should see in there?
Is there something you could be helpful for right now?
There's something you can do.
Make a phone call.
And that's exactly what I do.
Now,
if I'm in that traffic,
I think about a spot.
See,
it might be a phone call or somebody comes on my heart.
I call them and I think they think I'm checking up on them.
I think,
you know,
I'm trying to get out of my stuff and then I do that a lot.
I do that a lot.
Since I'm in conflict,
I know how to get out of it.
We're talking a little bit about step 12 there,
right?
No,
right.
Get out of me.
Help you get out of my head.
I need to get out of my head.
How important is it?
Really?
There's somebody up there.
That's just been in a crash and you're bitching because you're sitting in traffic.
I mean,
to really look at reality,
then I'm back in the moment,
you know,
back in the zone.
Conflict free for another couple minutes until I go to somebody's house and I knock on the door and they don't answer fast enough.
I got to sit in there from beating on the door.
Like,
what the hell?
And there's two of you that show up.
There's the one that goes,
what the hell?
Just take it.
You can still lock the door.
This is bullshit.
My time is valuable.
Then there's the other one.
It's just patient.
Some days,
just,
you know,
maybe I'll make a phone call.
Hope they're all right.
But it depends on me.
My relationship usually dictates my relationships with the customer.
I can react and I can be in conflict with them or in harmony with them.
Depends on my attitude,
not necessarily theirs.
Arthur said something.
It's Monday night.
It was so profound,
right?
He says,
you want to stop people from cutting you off in traffic.
I said,
yeah,
he said,
let me.
How simple,
but how profound profound things are there.
That was just like,
I still think about that,
you know,
all the time and I'm good tapping.
I don't,
we don't want to let anybody in,
right?
Especially that basket.
It's all that.
The lane was closing four miles back,
you know,
but he's going to fly all the way up and everybody.
I share that guy.
That's to me,
working the Tesla 11 step in a morning.
10 step all day long.
And then my night,
the event.
And I'm pretty religious about my night.
Being able to,
you know,
I,
I rarely miss it.
Rarely miss it.
And,
uh,
I got about a handful of guys that are really,
really good at it.
And we use the questions exactly the way they're laid out in the book.
Only we added a few and mine.
So how was I resentful today?
If so,
do a four column inventory.
Who is it?
Or what is it?
Why?
And I'd love what Karen said.
Uh,
it was the four step a few weeks back because we always talk about what instinct,
was affected.
She said,
how did that make me feel?
I like that question better.
I think we're going to change it on our four shift goals.
I like it.
How did that make me feel?
Because once you know how it makes you feel,
now you know what instinct was affected.
And then did I do anything to set the ball rolling?
Do a quick inventory on it.
Most of the time,
you know,
it was resentment that came and went,
you know,
I already 10 stepped it and I can write down.
I guess I was resentful.
There's a whole,
you know,
inventory.
I'm over it.
Sometimes it's still hanging in there.
There's some that are tough.
How was I selfish today?
Question three.
Was I dishonest for question four?
Was I afraid today?
Five.
Do I own apology?
Six.
What can I probably what have I wrongly kept a secret?
Seven.
Was I unkind?
Eight.
Was I unloving?
Nine.
What could I have done better?
10.
Was I thinking of myself most of the time?
11.
Was I thinking of what I could do for others?
12.
Was I thinking of what I can pack into the stream of life?
And these are the ones we've added.
Who did I help today?
What did I accomplish today?
What am I grateful for today?
And who needs my prayers today?
And I do it despite every single I text minutes,
you know,
I mean,
I don't I have it.
I upload it into word.
Everybody wants this.
By the way,
I'm glad to email it to you.
I uploaded the word.
I fill it out every night when I go to close it and ask if I want to save it.
I say no,
it is fresh for the next month,
you know,
and I just copy paste it and send it to my sponsor every night.
And if you see something on there that draws his attention,
he will call me out on it.
Just like I could,
you know,
if I see something on the inventory that needs attention or I think you need to talk about,
I will,
I will say thank you.
How about we get together and talk about such and such?
And to me,
that's how we stay current.
That's how we stay in the sunlight of spirit.
That's how I can close my eyes.
Knowing that I did the best I could today and I'm at peace.
I'm not in conflict.
Now,
if there is something there that I still have laying on that page,
I'm going to address that thing first thing in the morning.
I'm going to get up tomorrow morning and as soon as I can,
I'm going to address that thing and get current.
I'm out of time,
man.
All right.
We'll do more 11 next week.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks.
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