A Disease of Perception, the Only Person Not on My Side Was Me – Polly P.

Tonight, our speaker is Polly P. from Birch Bay, Washington. Hi everybody, my name is Plly Pistol and I'm an alcoholic. By God's grace in a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven't had a drink since April the 11th of 1977 and for that I am eternally grateful. grateful. I have a home group, and that's the third legacy group in Bellingham, Washington, and I have an sponsor, and her name is Dottie H., and those are the things that I need to be a member in good standing in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd like to thank David for inviting me to this meeting, and I'd want to thank Barbara for staying in contact with me. God, what a deal. This is fabulous. Look. I mean, wow. This is just fabulous. I love to, I just love this. Dave and I were in Southern California for 21 years, and we went to a meeting for 17 years. And it was a meeting this size, and it was our home group, and I just loved it. And I am so happy to be in a meeting like this, and you meet like this every week. This is not once a month. This is every week, and you have no idea how blessed you are. We're in Bellingham, Washington, and sometimes I want to take their pulse just to see if they're alive. You know, I love the enthusiasm. You know when you gather up like this This is celebrating sobriety. And, you know, I don't know what your, you know, they said if you want a job, then see the secretary or the leader. By all means, get a job. If you want to be a part of, don't stand back and say they're in the clique. I don' t really belong. I tell you how to get in the click. Get a job . . . that's how you get to get in the clique. Get a Job. Be a part . . of Alcoholics Anonymous. Just get in there and do the deal. And there's some people here that are in their first 30 days of sobriety. You have no idea what God is about to do with you. It is fabulous. And I'm not going to tell you that life's going to get better. I don't know that. I'll just guarantee you it's goingto get different. It is absolutely going toget different. I'm thrilled to be here. I am here with my husband, my girlfriend and her husband, Julia and Tom. We're staying at their house. You guys are so lucky. Julia and I have been friends for what? You're almost 25, 24 years. So we have been like they used to call us in California bookends because they were just, you know, where one of us went, the other one went. You know, it was just kind of like that. and then 17 years ago she moved up here and two years ago I moved a little further north so we just keep we've always just stayed really close together so I get to see her so that you know it's a total blessing to be here tonight I just want you to know that I love my life I absolutely love the life that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me today I am busier in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous than I've ever been. I sponsor more people than I have ever sponsored and I'm into more service than I ever have been into. And I have a really selfish reason. And that reason is, is that 28 years of sobriety, I have so much to lose. I have SO much to lose. And, I am of the thinking, I was told when I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, if you like what you're getting then keep doing what you are doing. And that goes either the way. If you like it out there, go do it. But I like what I'm doing in here and I like what I am getting so I'm going to keep doing what I' m doing. And I've always been busy and enthusiastic and full of life in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. These are my people. Now I have been, I'm retired now but I have an employee, I have someone who has been involved in the Chamber of Commerce and such things as that. And I want you to know, at 28 years of sobriety, I'm still not real comfortable out there. I'm just not real uncomfortable. But when I walk in here, there is an ease and comfort that I feel just by being with you. All I know is that I just don't ever have that little bit of feeling of being uncomfortable. comfortable it seems like I know without a shadow of a doubt that you're going to love and accept me just the way I am no matter what you don't ask questions like that you know when we we're the kind that you knows somebody can come in from just got off a death row walked in the meeting and we're all over them you know like white on rice come on in they're our new best best friend. You know, that's the way we are. That's Alcoholics Anonymous. It doesn't matter where you've been. All we care about is to help you go where you're going. And I love the rooms of AlcoholicsAnonymous. I want you to know that I am living, breathing proof that you can come to the rooms of Alcoholic Anonymous and not come from the disease of alcoholism. I do not come from the disease of alcoholism. My daddy died when I was 60 years old, and he had 60 years of sobriety. My mother died when she was 87 years old and she had 87 years of subriety, and I will assure you that my mother was not the least bit impressed with my 28 years of sobiety. Her deal was if you'd have just never done that, that would have never happened. It's very... I grew up Southern Baptist. I don't know if this is a Southern Baptist church. I know that it is a Baptist church I will assure you when I was going to Sunday school in church Instruments like this were not present I mean if it was fun in my opinion It wasn't happening And I love hymns That was not the problem Look at that set of drums This is fantastic fantastic. But I knew about God. I was taken to Sunday school and to church, and I was taken to church three times a week, twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday. And I can tell you that I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I knew About God. I did not know about the God I learned about in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. What I knew was, is a God that I absolutely knew wanted to kill me. It just seemed like I heard things like, you're born a sinner. You're going to burn in hell. And it just seemed Like I had this feeling that God just wanted to get me. And I don't know what ever happened to Jesus loves me. All I know is that didn't seem to hear that. Or I didn't feel that. I just always felt wrong. Now today, I understand that a little bit better because you see, I am a real alcoholic and if you're new tonight, nearly new, coming back, whatever, I may be telling you something that may leave you feeling hopeless tonight but I want you to know at 28 years of sobriety I can still feel like I'm not enough, I never will be and I'm never gonna be. That feeling of not enough that feeling of just being this don't quite measure up now I can have that on any given day with 28 years of sobriet. One of the things that I've learned in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, that if you want self-esteem, go do an esteemable act. So I'm here to tell you I have never been able to think my way into good feelings. I have had to act my way into feeling good. It is necessary for me to go do something for someone else. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about constant thoughts of others. And that's what what I have to do. You see, what I've learned in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is that I am suffering from a spiritual malady. I didn't grow up. I grew up with parents who loved me. I was a loved and adored child. I had all of my parents' attention. Everything Everything that they had, they just adored me. Now, one of the things I want you to know is is that it was not father knows best because my parents had some problems. And what happened, one ofthe things I love is that Barbara's sponsor, Michael, one ofthethings I love about her, she always says, before I tell you my story, let me tell youmy mother's story. And what happened is, both of my parents were abused children. And just like the alcoholic and the Al-Anon, they found each other. And I love what it says on page 164, and that is we cannot give away that which we do not have. You see, what my parents tried to do is they tried to transmit something they didn't have. And what that was is they tried to transmit self-worth and self-esteem and all of those good feelings that come from within an individual. But today I know you can't give that if you don't have it. And the only way today I get to have those feelings is if I do something for you. Now, I didn't know that a long time ago. go. What the book talks about, constant thoughts of others. The big book says that I am to be of maximum, not minimum, a little bit, maximum service to God and those about me. That's what I get to do as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, there's a lot of times when my phone rings for the 50th time and I don't want to pick it up. That somebody's on there and I I don't want to hear it. You know, or somebody's asked me to go, you know, speak in Portland, Oregon and maybe that day I don' t want to do it. And maybe somebody needs to read me a tenth step or maybe I need to go through the book with somebody and I don''t want to be able to do something else. But you know my job in Alcoholics Anonymous I was taught by some old rednecks down in Dallas and Fort between Dallas and fort worth Texas and I tell you what they used to say is they you know you didn't ask where we were going what we were gonna do it was just get in the car you just get into car and the deal was if somebody asked you to do something an alcoholics anonymous the answer is yes that's all just yes and you know I've been practicing that for 28 years and I I really like what I'm getting. And, you know, I'm one of these kind of people, I don't know, you know you guys are probably so well way different than me, but I'm one of these kind of people I don't want to go to that meeting. I don't want to be of service at that meeting. I don't want to talk to one more sponsee. I don't have one more thing to say. But you know what I'm taught to do? Just get in the car. And you something happens. And you know what? I know today what that is because, you see, where one or more are gathered, God is in the presence. And the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 29 says, from our personal stories and from our own point of view, I'm to tell you how I formed a relationship with God. And I hope before I leave tonight, if you don't know anything else other than I'm Polly and I'm an alcoholic and that I have a relationship with God. That's what's important because, you see, this is a spiritual program for a spiritual malady. Today I know what's wrong with me. I suffer from a spiritual Malady. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that if I suffer from a Spiritual Malady, nothing is enough. The big books of Alcoholic Anonymous tell me that That if I suffer from a spiritual malady, that the only thing that I can do is find a spiritual solution because the book tells me that I am separated from the sunshine of the spirit. I am so grateful today that I know that I have a spiritual Malady and that I have a Spiritual Solution. When I was 18 years old, I married an Air Force officer and I knew I'd found my knight and shining armor, and we were going to sail off into the sunset and live happily ever after. One of the things that has happened for me is I have never, ever wanted to be responsible for myself. I love Clancy. I think he is the best speaker on Alcoholics Anonymous. And Clancy talks about alcoholism, a disease of perception. And you see, I have a disease disease of perception. I don't see things the way they really are. You see, in that Baptist church, I sat there year after year as a little girl and the only thing I ever heard was the things that God's going to get me. I never heard about all the things that God gave me and that was doing for me because you see, I have a disease of conception. My parents told me all my life how much they loved me I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I could have sworn to you that nobody loved me because you see I have a hole in my soul and when I have hole in my so all the love in the world is not enough you can't give me enough it's not until I'm willing to reach out to you and give it to you then I begin to heal because you You see, the only way to heal from a spiritual malady is to reach out and help another person. You know, that's why psychiatrists and psychologists go crazy with you and I. Because, you see, they're trying to say, do it for yourself. Well, you know something? The very best I could do for me got me a seat in Alcoholics Anonymous. us. It's not until I started reaching out and helping you that I began to heal from a spiritual malady. Only then, and you know what? I only get a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition for that day. You see, what I was told back in those meetings in Texas is, Polly, you cannot live today's sobriety on yesterday's recovery. This This is a day-at-a-time program. And, you know, I've got to get up today and do what I did yesterday. I've Got to Do It Every Single Day, a daily reprieve. Well, I married this man, and I'm one of these people that has never, ever wanted to take care of myself. I'm telling you, one of the ladies was saying, I just hear this little bit of an accent there. I was born and raised in Texas, right down where they gave the Bible Belt and they gave it an extra pull. That's where I was brought up. But let me tell you something. I had some old ideas, and the old idea was that men were put on earth to take care of women. And, you know, my deal was money, men, and mansions. That's what was going to takecare of me. I had no idea how to takecaremyself. not only that I didn't want to take care of myself my deal was I simply could not suit up and show up for life I couldn't live life on life's terms and I want you to know one of God's greatest gifts in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is for 28 years I've been able to do life, just the way life has been dealt out. And you know, life's in session. Just because I'm alcoholic doesn't mean that life's not in session, doesn't means we don't get terminal illnesses, doesn't meant that life is not in sessions. The deal is, is that we're sober, connected with the source and through the source we get the strength to walk through the things that we need to do sober when i couldn't suit up for the most smallest minutest things before the rooms of alcoholics anonymous but because of god and aa you can suit up and show up and walk the walk and sometimes the walk is tough but you see it's that disease of perception again because you see i don't see things the way they really are and there are no negatives in god's world. It's just my perception that's negative. God uses every single thing, and I sometimes think it's something that's not good, but it's always good. And I married this man, and I was an Air Force officer's wife. And i'm just going to make a really long story short right now, but there were expectations that were supposed to be put on women that were were Air Force wives. We were told the things we needed to do to enhance our husband's career. And I was a woman and I was so full of fear, and I was so overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy, I knew that there was no way I could do that. Absolutely no way. And see, I didn't understand that I had a disease called alcoholism. I didn't understand that. All I knew was is I was terrified. I was terrified of people and you know if you're new here tonight I'm here to tell you I have no training to be a speaker. I have no training. The only thing I've ever done is suit up and show up for meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm the kind who could never give a book report without throwing up. That's what what i did i was so terrified but because of rooms called alcoholics anonymous that's how i that's what happened because you see you go to meetings and they ask you to come behind this podium and share but i was a person who was driven by a hundred forms of fear but you see i didn't know that i was an alcoholic and maybe about three or four weeks after we had been married I took a drink of alcohol now I'd been told in that Baptist church that people who drank were bad because you see there was a huge thou shalt not in that baptist church and that thou shal not was thou shall not drink and I took the drink of alchohol and I knew these people that I had met and I thought well these aren't bad people these are good people and I didn't understand what that drink did for me. I didn't understand for a long time. As my drinking progressed, people kept telling me what alcohol did to me, but what they didn't understanding was what alcohol did for you. And what happened was is I took a drink of alcohol and I could just breathe. I could take a breath. I seemed to be able to take a drink and I nod in the right places or laugh in the right places. I could be placed in these social situations where I wasn't becoming overwhelmed with an anxiety attack or feeling so scared that I couldn't even breathe. But if I took a drink of alcohol, I could breathe. And see, when I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I got into the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous and the doctor's opinion, it talks about that alcohol gave me that feeling of ease and comfort. I could just breathe. Along about 1962, we're stationed at a place called Loring Air Force Base, Maine. And it's very, very cold up there. And I've got two little boys, and I don't have a clue how to be a parent. And these two little guys are driving me crazy. and I'm having a nervous breakdown every 20 minutes, and I end up going to an Air Force doctor and he says take these. And from 1962 until 1977 I took Librium and Valium and Seconal and Nemutol and drank alcohol. And I'm here to tell you if you take those kind of drugs and drink alcohol you're not an active alcoholic. My drunk-a-log is so boring. I always want Michael's story. You know, I want to sleep with a one-legged minister. You know? And I want you to do something funny. You know I did all my affairs sober in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and it's not funny then. I just don't have any funny stories. I just laid on my sofa and died. I just died there. I am so grateful for strong sponsorship. My first AA sponsor was a man, and I feel like that God gives us whatever we need. And I know that we have a lot of rules in Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't know where we get these rules because they're not in the big book, but we have rules. And one of the rules is, is women work with women and men work with men. And generally that works and stuff like, you know, don't get in a relationship for a year or don't make a decision. I think I was 20 minutes sober, but you know it's just like we have all these rules. But what happened for me is, God took it from my hands and my first first AA sponsor was a man. And this man was a gift, and he was given to me. And Frank and I had a lot in common, and it was really strange. First of all, Frank was a Monsignor priest, or had been. He had left the priesthood to marry a Taiwanese woman. Frank was an only child, and was a captain in the Navy. Because you see, I'm one of these people that I just knew being an only child was a problem. The U.S. Air Force, and for sure it was that Baptist church. And I don't know what kind of alcoholic you are, but I have never wanted to take responsibility for myself. I often say if I had come from alcoholic parents, I'm afraid you might have another speaker tonight because if I'd had one more person to blame my life on, but you You see, I couldn't blame my life on my parents. I couldn'T blame my alcoholism on my parents. Frank loved me and he loved me enough to tell me the truth whether I wanted to hear it or not. One of the things that I'd like to tell you tonight is that the disease of alcoholism is a family disease. We were standing over here and we were talking about David and his wife. You have a new baby, right? And you're here tonight and your wife's not here because you're responsible parents. And you see, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is real clear. It talks about the disease of alcoholism is a family disease and that anybody who lives with a practicing alcoholic is traumatized by the disease of alcoholics. And it talks about that if we hang out in AA meetings and not take care of our our children, it's no better than when we hung out in bars. So we have to learn to make concessions and work around it and be parents. Well, you see, what happened for me is that I was an alcoholic mother and I had two little boys. And I'm here to tell you tonight that women like me today today do not get to keep their children. Because you see, I am a child abuser. I am a child abusers in every way. I have abused my children emotionally, physically and spiritually. And I'm so grateful for strong sponsorship. I'm grateful for somebody to get in my face and tell me the truth whether I want to hear it or not. And Frank looked at me when I got through reading my fifth step. And he said, Polly, you are a child abuser and you are going to go to your sons and you're going to make amends. And you're not going to say things like I'm sorry because I hurt you. You're going tell them how sorry you are because you are a child of user and you gonna listen to what they have to say to you and the the only thing you get to say to them is, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. And I will spend the rest of my life being the very best parent I can be. I don't get to water it down by saying things like, I am so sorry I hurt you. I do not get to say things like that. And then Frank went to the family afterwards and he read that That's a line to me where it says, the head of the household. Well, Bill thought only men were alcoholic, so he had said the head of the house, so we just have to, with us women, sometimes we have to just kind of put ourselves in there, and he says, you are the alcoholic. Bill is talking about the alcoholic when he's saying the head-of-the-household was the cause of most of the problems in the family, and that we will not even the score in this lifetime. So you see, it doesn't matter what my kids do to me. That's not any of my business. You know, my oldest son today rarely ever calls me on the phone. It is a rarity. But I call him once a week without fail. It doesn't matter that he doesn't call me back. That's not the issue. The issue is that I call him. I have a son who's sober in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I've had the opportunity to hear James speak. And James talks about what happens to little boys when they're raised in alcoholic families, how they get to a place where they can't feel. There's no feeling feeling left anymore. Those feelings have been killed a long time ago. And he talks about being a little boy and he wakes up and his mother's passed out on the kitchen floor. And that little boy steps over her, gets a bowl, gets his cereal, gets the milk, steps back over her sits down at the kitchen table and starts to eat his breakfast and thinks and absolutely feels nothing. That's the disease of alcoholism. It's absolutely traumatized our children. And I am so grateful for strong sponsorship, for a sponsor who got in my face and told me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not. Because today, because of actions I didn't believe would work, actions I did not believe I could take, and one of the things that he pointed out to me was the serenity prayer. You know, so many times we can use the first part of of the serenity prayer is a cop-out, to accept the things I cannot change. But you see, that's just the first stanza of that prayer. The second part is the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. And he told me these are actions I needed to take, whether I wanted to take them or not. And again, being willing to take actions contrary to the way I feel. And I took those actions, not believing they would work. And today, I have a relationship with my sons that is beyond my greatest expectation. I just want to tell you quickly how I got here. I am not one of those alcoholics that woke up one day and said, hey, hey, that's it. That's what I need. I am NOT someone that came into the rooms of alcoholics anonymous we don't have them there over there and saw the 12 steps and the 12 traditions and thought that's it that's the answer that was not me i am a person who has been through treatment three times i am person who is come to the rooms of alcoholix anonymous between behind three suicide attempts i did not i could not stand who and what i was was. And I ended up trying to take my life. And what happened for me is I got my third time, my second time through treatment, I left that treatment center and I got a bottle of scotch and I had a bottle of Allium because you see now I knew what the problem was. On that tape that Clancy has, alcoholism, a disease of perception, he talks about the disease of alcoholism. You see, what I know today is alcohol is not my problem. Alcohol has never been my problem the disease of alcohol-ism is my problem because you see I haven't had a drink of alcohol or funny tablet in 28 years but I got alcoholism real bad and I didn't understand that and I knew in that that second treatment center, that there's no way I could live sober inside my own skin. Because you see, I didn't have the 12 steps and the 12 traditions and the12 concepts. I didn' t know that you were going to give me a God that would solve all my problems. I didn''t understand that. All I knew was I could not stand who and what I had become. And I couldn''t live sober. I absolutely couldn'' t live sober." and I left that treatment center and I got a bottle of scotch and I checked into a motel I don't believe that there's anybody in this room that doesn't have an angel in your life someone who leads us to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and I had such a woman in my life she knew nothing about the disease of alcoholism but she loved me and she said that day something came over her and today I know that something was God working in my wife through her And she drove around until she found my car parked outside this motel. And I hadn't shut the door all the way, and she pushed it open. And on April 8th of 1977, I was pronounced dead on arrival in a hospital in Bedford, Texas. Needless to say, that didn't take us. I'm here tonight. But I need to tell you about the miracle of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am here because of God's grace. We all are here. And if we look up grace in Webster's Dictionary, it's a gift unearned. I have done nothing to earn this gift. It is a free gift. I hear a lot of times, and used to, I haven't heard it so much anymore, that we're the chosen ones. Well, I'm not chosen. There is no difference from me than the guy laying out in the gutter. There is No Difference. The only difference is, is for whatever reason, by God's grace, for whatever reasons, I have been willing to take actions I didn't believe would work. I was willing to make decisions that I knew were stupid. I mean, I could not see one reason why setting up chairs was going to improve my life. I didnít get all that. I just didnít give it. All I know is, is I took those actions. I may not have believed them. I may thought they were stupid. But I took them anyway. I took actions I didn't believe in. And by God's grace, I still have a seat here 28 years later. I still haven't seen it in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. this. The only difference between that person and me who's laying in the gutter is I've been willing to take actions that I didn't believe would work. And by God's grace, I get to live the way I live today. And I don't believe God loves me any more than he loves the person in the gutters. I don' t believe that. But I also believe whether that person wants to hear me or or not, it is my job to carry this message. And you know, I hear this in Alcoholics Anonymous all the time. Well, the newcomer can call. You know what? I certainly would have hated to see what would happen if Bill would have waited for Bob to call. We wouldn't have have Alcoholics Anonymous. It is my job to carry this message to the still sick alcoholic and it doesn't say anything about he needs to call me. It's not my business whether he hears it or does does anything about it. It is just my business to carry it. That's my job. That is what I get to do as a sober member with the gift of sobriety. You see, the gift is what God gave me. What I do with my gift is my gift back to God. The gift of Sobriety! at any rate what happens in 1977 uh the state of texas does not take kindly to people who try to kill themselves and i was court committed to a treatment center in dallas texans and i entered that treatment center on april the 11th of 1977 and i haven't had a drink since on page 164 in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it talks about if we stay spiritually fit and we keep our house clean that great events will come to pass. That's the great fact for us all. And I'd like to spend, I've got about, I guess a little over 20 minutes and I'd love to spend that time telling you about the great events that have come to pass. I'd like to tell you what has happened to me as a result of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I came into these rooms and I was married. And I had been married 19 years when I came in to the rooms of Alcoholic Anonymous, very shaky marriage, things were not well, a very estranged marriage. I began to do things that I was told to do, like greet. And one know, one of the things I also hear sometimes in Alcoholics Anonymous is you have to have X number of months or however much it is before you can sponsor. And I don't know where we get these numbers. I haven't ever figured it out. Bill took the steps in Towns Hospital in an afternoon. It didn't take him any certain length of time to do it. And we said, well, don't take the fourth step too soon. You know, and we might not, you know, we might drink behind it well if you don't take it soon enough your doggone sure gonna drink behind it and you know the book is really clear it says having done the third step we need to go immediately to the fourth step because the third step will have little lasting results and somebody will say when can I sponsor when you finish the fifth step and I don't know how you sponsor but I'll just tell you how I sponsor because it's the way I was sponsored and that is when I I do my fifth step, I do six, seven, and eight all in one sitting because nine may take a while and I live in 10 and 11 and 12. I'm ready to sponsor. You know, and I was about four months sober and I Was told go get a sponsee. What are you waiting on? Be struck wonderful. The only way the only way we grow here is to go help somebody. That's how it works. How am I going to grow in in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous by taking somebody else through the steps like I was taken through the steps. That's how I grow in the Rooms of Alcoholic Anonymous. The big book of Alcoholix Anonymous doesn't talk about how to be sponsored, it teaches us how to sponsor. That is what it is all about. So if I want to get better, go get a sponsee. You should see us around Bellingham, it is really bad because a lot of times we don't have that many newcomers. But I tell you, when we were in Southern Southern California. Newcomers, you know, jump up and ban, we're on, you know, like white on rice. And, you know, we don't go up and wait for a newcomer. Have you ever seen how we do this? We wait for newcomers to come, you know, they interview sponsors. Now I don't know where we ever got the idea that a newcomer could interview a sponsor. But whatever happens, we let, you know, there to interview a sponsor. Well, we don't, you know, that's not the way it happened for me and it's not not the way we do. You stand up, I walk up to you. Do you have a sponsor? You say, no, I'm it. I mean, they don't know the difference. They're newcomers. They haven't a clue. And what happens is guess who gets better? Me, whether they stay or go, you know, all of a sudden I'm dragging a newcomer to a bunch of meetings, 90 and 90. You know, that's another Another one of those rules, I don't know where we got them either. It's a good rule, but we have a lot of good rules. I don'T know where WE GOT THEM, BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF GOOD RULES. But that's what we do. We just appoint ourselves a sponsor. You know, somebody will come up to me and say, Well, I DON'T HAVE ANY SPONSEES. And I say, Well, let me tell you where to go look for them. There are places to look for sponsees. Try some treatment centers. Try a detox. Boy, they really don't KNOW that they're not supposed to. I mean, all you have to do is just walk in there and tell them you're their sponsor. Say, you know, I'm going to start taking you through the book. They are a captive audience. You know, you got them. And what happens is, is I get to get better as a result of taking actions that I was told to take. I was sold to be a greeter. You get out there and you greet somebody and you go help somebody. And if you've got 30 minutes more sobriety than them, share that 30 minutes. Get busy in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had to hit a bottom in the room of Alcoholic Anonymous sober, and that was behind relationships and sex. You see, I had that empty hole inside, and what I knew was if you'd just love me enough, I'd be okay. If you'djust give it to me. See, I didn't understand that it wasn't about you loving me. It was about me loving you. And, you know, I hear people come into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I hear some people say, You come on in here, darling, and you let us love you till you can love yourself. Well, you knows what? I don't believe that. What I'd like to say is, You come in here darling, and you lets us love to you till we can love somebody else. Because it's not about me loving me. I can tell you right now, if I had to wait until I loved me to help another person, I wouldn't be helping anybody yet. It's only when I'm doing stuff in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous that I began to feel like I just might deserve all of God's love. It's when I am doing things in the room of Alcoholic Anonymous. Being of service, and I begin to have that feeling that Bill talks about in his story of usefulness. Because of what you've taught me to do here, I get to have that feeling of usefulness. When I was three years sober, I married another member of this fellowship, and I want you all to see my cute husband. Davey, do stand up. now I want to just say is this alcoholic that was the look I got I am so grateful I have Dave when I was three years sober Dave and I I have known each other since I was six months sober, and he was a year and a half sober. And Dave and I were just AA buds. The only difference was that Dave sponsored a lot of men that I was more than AA buds with. And Dave knew more about me than he needed to know. And often Dave andI have said if we'd have known we were going to get married, we had never told each other the things we told each other. But what happened when I was three and a half years sober and he was four and a halve years sober is Dave asked me to marry him. And he looked at me and he said, Polly, you need to get something straight. I don't want to have an affair with you. I want to marry you. And you know, things like that aren't supposed to happen to people like me. And I want you to know, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, A Loving God, The Steps and the Traditions, that on October the 27th, Dave and I celebrated 25 years married in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm here to tell you that that's a great event that has come to pass. And I want to tell the audience that I'm going to be married to Dave. And I am going to tell your better news. The better news is that I still like him. I still love him. He's still the greatest. I don't want to be buried to anybody else but you, baby. I don' t want to bury to anybody else. I am so grateful that you taught me how to have a relationship here. And I'm telling you that Dave and I were the ones that were in the 12 and 12 that talks about that alcoholics are people who are incapable of conducting a personal relationship. And Dave and i did not know how to do that. I am dave's fourth wife. like. And as our Al-Anon friend likes to tell Dave, he is the only common denominator in all four of those marriages. I am the suffering kind. I was married 22 years and Dave and I didn't have a clue how to have a relationship, but we knew how to take a hostage. And it's been through you teaching us how to Have a Relationship that we've learned how to do that. And the best advice that we got came from my AA sponsor. And Frank told us, he said, Polly, if you and Dave want to be happy all the days of your life, you treat each other like a newcomer. And how do we treat newcomers? With love, tolerance, and patience. And the answer is, has never been, what can you do for me? It's what can I do for you? And when I turn that around and be willing to see whatever I can do to make my husband happy. It's amazing how that works. It's Amazing How Our Marriage Has Grown Over the Years. And Dave and I have had a lot of opportunities to grow, and I'm going to try to go through those just a little bit. I can't really see. I've got a glare on that. What time is it? There's a glare all night. What time? 8.35? Okay. Dave and I have had some things happen in our marriage. First of all, we've had stepchildren. And I'm, you know, he has two and I have two. Put stepchildren together in a marriage, what an order. I can't go through with it. Will not help your marriage. We've had drug addict kids. Three out of our four kids were alcoholics and drug addicts. Will not enhance your marriage marriage. Dave and I have had financial problems. In 1993, we lost everything. We ended up losing our home, had to file bankruptcy because the bottom fell out of aerospace, and my husband really didn't work again for two years. And hard financial times. So one of the things that I do when I go to meetings up in Bellingham and I see those Washingtonians, I say, don't hate me. I did not have a house in Southern California to sell. I am not up here ruining your economy. I did NOT bring any money. So, because all those years we rented. Those are the kind of things, you go through these times and one of the things that Dave and I have learned is that if you live through it, you'll be stronger. And Dave and I have lived through through these things happening in our relationship. And what we have found out is that it has only made our relationship stronger because now we're partners in life. And Dave and I have sponsors. I have a sponsor, and Dave has a sponsor. And Dave is not my sponsor. And we go to our sponsors, and we have gotten help on how to do this deal. you. And for that, I am so grateful. I just want to tell you about our four kids. Because one of the things that I truly believe is the hardest place to work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is in my family. Because you see, you guys are going to love me. You're going to accept me no matter what. But you know, things are really tough in our families. And this disease has been hard on our children. I'd like for you to know that my mother died on April the 12th of this year, and I want you to know because of you, I was a good daughter. I was there for my mother to take care of her. You taught me how to do that, and for that I am so grateful. You taught me how to suit up and show up and be responsible. Dave's oldest child, Mike. Mike called Dave. It's been a while now, but he called Dave on the phone and he just said, you know, Dad, I need help. And Dave said, You need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. And Mike ended up going to AA, to an outpatient treatment center. And Micah is gay, and he also was a needle user. And what they found out was that Micah was HIV positive. And we lost our Our son, it was four years ago last month in November, we lost Mike, but he was eight years sober. He was eight years clean and sober and he was a good member of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dave's daughter, we hadn't talked to Kim in 15 years because Kim was on the streets of Denver doing what women have to do in order to sustain an alcohol and cocaine habit. and what happened was is that Mike just wouldn't let go and the hospice nurse said well Mike is waiting on someone and lo and behold here comes Kim and she was eight months sober and Dave was able to give her a one year cake at our home group in Seal Beach and now Kim has four years of sobriety or will have in March she'll have four years in sobriete clean and sober My youngest son, when I was six and a half years sober, called me on the phone and he said, Mom, I want what you have. And six and half years before, he did not want what I had. Six and a-half years before I was supposed to attend a function at his school. And he says, Mom, don't you dare show up at my school because I am ashamed of you. And six-and-a-half-years later, he wants what I have. That's a great event that's come to pass. Come January the 3rd, my son will be 22 years sober in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's a great event that's come to pass. And James and I have had a lot of fun. We get to do some conferences sometime together because we kind of know a lot about family healing and what happens if you take the family afterward and apply it into these family recoveries. And those are gifts. Those are gifts you get to do if you just suit up and show up and stay sober. And James is married to Kelly, and Kelly has 16 years of sobriety. And James and Kelly have three children. And I can tell you that life had sometimes, I thought, you know, my perception of reality was that it's hard and that, you Know, why is this happening to me? And, You know, why it's happening to Me is because, You Know, as my AA sponsor Dottie likes to say, She says, you know, Polly, it's just called repeat for correction. And I'll tell you some of these little lessons I just really hope I don't have to repeat. But what happened was is James and Kelly have three children. And our first grandchild, they had our first gradchild. And I'm telling you we wanted that child so bad you have no idea how badly we wanted that child. child and then when Ryan was 18 months when he was 18 months old we got some news and we found out that Ryan was profoundly deaf and I'm telling you I had my fist at God. How can this be happening to me? Of course it's all about me because you see look how many people I sponsor look how much service I am. You see I want God to reward me and I think the way God's going to rewardme is make sure that all our babies are perfect But you see, Ryan is perfect. He is absolutely perfect because, you see he's got sober parents and his parents have been relieved of the bondage of self because of you. And you see when you have a child that has special needs it never costs too much, it never takes too much time. They're there for that child. And I want you to know because of what you have done for James and Kelly and because you have made them the parents they are, that that little boy boy is totally integrated into public school. And last year, three semesters he made the honor roll and he just made the honor roll again. And he is handicapped in no way. He has totally integrated in to public school with an interpreter. He is the only deaf child in his school. Talk about some self-esteem issues. But you know what? He suits up and and he shows up, and he gives it his best. And James and Kelly have two other children. My oldest son I probably understand the best because Russ is someone who's had a lot of mental problems. You see, I'm one of these people that lives in an altered state of being because I am here tonight happy, joyous, and free, and that's in the family afterwards too. We absolutely insist on being happy,joyous,and free. And tonight I'm happy,joyous,&free, But that's not my normal state of being. My normal state of being is to be so depressed I can't get up out of bed. I'm so depressed I want to kill myself. I'm så depressed I can stand emotional pain so I'm taking razor blades or whatever I can to cut myself because I'd rather feel the physical pain than to have to feel the emotional pain. That's normal for me and that's my son Russ. My son Russ has grave emotional and mental disorders And he's not an alcoholic. And, you know, I had Russ's Al-Anon group picked out and his Al-A-Non sponsor. And, You know, today I'm so grateful that Russ has a God and it's not me. You know? Because what happened was is he married a Catholic girl, ended up becoming a Catholic. He and his wife are real involved in the music ministry of their church. And he found a spiritual path. And Russ and Cheryl have two little girls, Katie and Jesse. And this past January, I was in California and I picked the girls up at school. And Katie looked up at me and she said, Grandma, I want to be just like you. She says, You know, because you help people. I hear you on your cell phone and you help people. And I wantto be justlikeyou. Thank you, Alcoholics Anonymous. A few years ago, James and Kelly came to us and said mom if anything happens to us we've made a will and we want you and dave to take the kids about six months later russ and cheryl came to us and they said mom we've made a well and if anything happened to us, we want to take your girls. I am a mother who abused my children and because of you my children allow me to take care of their children. these are the gifts we get to have here two years ago Dave and I moved to Birch Bay, Washington in 1993 we lost it all and Dave and i can remember Dave saying that Keith Christopherson wrote a song and Janice Joplin sang it, freedom's having nothing left to lose and he says you know something Polly it's just stuff and he said you know we're fine we have God, we have AA we have each other and we're just fine and today I live in a house in Birch Bay and it looks out over the ocean and eagles sit out my window and they sit there on the tree and I don't know how you get from here to here but I know that God loves me and he loves you God bless you