A Blind Man Reads Bill’s Story About the Fourth Dimension and Says Yes, I Live There – Blind Dave A.

I am so excited to hear the speaker for tonight. I've heard nothing but excellent things about him. I think that we also owe a big thank you to his beautiful wife, Norma, for bringing him to us today. We offer to review Blind Dave from Austin, Texas. Thank you for the water bottle for me, Arthur. Oh, I don't need it. Okay, you don't even need the water? No, I thought I'd knock it over. Yes, thank you. Yeah, one of the things when I married Norma, I said, Norma don't leave glasses of water sitting around the house. Doesn't work. And you know what's funny is you can leave one and you can say oh it's back here in the back corner in the bathroom and then the back part of the, you know and the lights are off and he'll never hit it and it'll be five minutes and I'll knock it open. You know you just can't believe it the way that happens. I want to say happy anniversary to the Legacy Group. Wow, I'm impressed. What a group. I'm glad to hear there's a lot of fresh blood that flows through this group, the new sobriety. I'm proud to hear that. I'm very honored that the steering committee wanted to invite me up here to this great event. And Kim contacted us and I was real excited. And yes, my wife is a big part of my life. She shares my recovery with me. And we survey A together, and we're joined at the hip in that. You'll probably hear a little bit about that tonight. And so thanks to all of you. What a spirit here. Somebody, Terry, the Al-Anon, mentioned the International. How many of y'all went? Don't raise your hand. Say it. But you felt the spirit of the, I mean, didn't you feel it? Oh, my God. Now, don't you feel just a little bit of that right here? Oh, yeah. It's called the spirit of AA. Okay. So, I am blind Dave and I am an alcoholic. I got sober in July of 98. So, it's been a wonderful ride. I'll share a little bit of that with you tonight as well. I was born in 1948. In about a few weeks here, I'll be 62. I wasborn legally blind. Probably a little worse than that. I'm not sure. But I did manage to go to public school through about the second grade. I could put my face right down on the book and I could read it. And I remember one of those parent-teacher nights when your parents come to school and meet your teacher and my folks saying, so how's Dave doing? And the teacher said, you know, Dave really exhibits leadership qualities. My dad was real proud of that. Oh, you know he was real pride of that and I did have, I guess you could call it leadership qualities I remember being on the playground I got in trouble with a couple other boys I was a little bitty kid I'm still not that big but I was real little as a kid And I got in trouble on the playground. A couple of other boys, I probably came to about here on them. And we all got sent to the principal. So here we are marching to the principle and I've got these two guys that are head taller than me on both sides and as we're going I'm saying, y'all keep your mouth shut, I do the talking. And they kept their mouth shut. I did not want to put my life in someone else's hands anyway. So I got through the second grade. I couldn't see the book anymore. So in the third grade, they got me a large print book. And by the end of the third grader, I couldn' t see the large printbook. So I was born in Houston, Texas. My folks sent me to Austin to go to the blind school in 1958. Now, the blind schools is a boarding school with very rigid rules as most boarding schools are. You live in a dorm. They separate the boys from the girls. They have real rigid rules. You know, and when you put me in that kind of a setting, I don't do well. I'm glad I didn't go to the military. That would have even been worse. And so I stayed in trouble at the blind school all the time. And one day while I was being administered my punishment, whatever, it dawned on me what that teacher meant by I was a good leader. What she was trying to tell my dad was that I was bad follower. So I got through about junior high. When I hit puberty, it got really bad there at the blind school. I really got out of control. And by the end of junior high, they just kicked me out. It wasn't the first time, but it was the time that they finally told my folks, don't send him back. So I went back to Houston to resume life there. Now when I was a little kid, my mother used to make me go to church. God dang, she'd wake me up every Sunday. I hated going to church. But when I got back as a, you know, I guess I was about 16 at that time, 15 or 16, starting high school. And I remember that first Sunday she came in and said, got your clothes all pressed and laid out here and all ready for church. And I said, I'm not going. And she said, what? I said I'm going to go to church I'm old enough to decide for myself if I want to do that and I've decided I'm not going and mother cried I remember she cried and I started high school then and proclaimed myself to be an atheist and I became a militant atheist Madeline O'Hare would have been proud of me I was very defiant against that whole scene and against God and the whole idea of God now the thing was I was going to high school at a school where they had quite a little bunch of religious kids And when they found out how defiant I was about all that, I was their target. And so usually when I'm hanging out in the bathroom smoking a cigarette with some of the thugs I hung out with, some of these Baptist boys would try to corner me and witness to me. And man, I loved that because it became such a scene I would attack them. I enjoyed it. It became such an intense scene that they would usually back away from me just knowing that lightning was bound to strike any minute. And they'd say, you're going to go to hell. And I'd say to hell with you and to hell with your God. Another thing happened when I started high school, public school, I met a girl. And she sort of became my girlfriend and her folks was hard drinkers, alcoholics I suppose, but they were definitely hard drinker and they didn't mind that we drank with them. Oh, man, this was great. Because I had been just released from that boarding school. I'd been cooped up all my teenage years until now and I was free. And I met this girl and her drinking folks and they just picked me up from school on Friday afternoon and I just went over to their house for the weekend and we drank all weekend. I got a good start. It was late, but I was catching up. And they dropped me back off at school on Monday morning. I graduated in 68. Now, you all know what was happening in the 60s. There were some other things to sample also. And, you know, I remind myself where Bill said a doctor came and began to administer some sedatives. Next day found me doing sedatives and gin. This combination soon landed me on the rocks, and I want you to know that accelerated things for me. Didn't take long. I graduated in 68. Something I remember about 1969, an event that I'll never forget. I went to a rock concert on Halloween night, midnight, 1969. To see a hot group that was real big and just come to Houston for the first time in 1969. It was Grand Funk Railroad. Okay, all right. And we had another band. It was kind of a local band that we'd been hearing about a little bit. This fellow, a local boy, got this band together and we was all waiting to see what they were going to do. And so this was their big debut. They were going ot open up for Grand Funk Railroad and we were all wondering what this ZZ Top was going to sound like. Yeah, I'm in the right crowd here. But what I remember about that rock concert was standing out there in the line waiting to get in. and a couple of little Jesus freaks come by and tried to hand me some literature. And I did my usual thing. I attacked them so ferociously that I drew a crowd. The whole crowd was gathered around cheering for me. And you just didn't want to try talking to me about God. That was in 69, and then 70, and 71, and 72, and man, I was hitting bottom hard by then. I was doing everything I could to try to bring this runaway freight train into control and not doing a good job, and I was getting scared. I didn't want nobody to know I was being scared, but I was. And I know when it says pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, you might find out how scared I am because I can't stop this thing. Well, in March of 1973, I stand out in my front yard and a fellow who was my new neighbor came over to introduce himself to me. He was a Christian. And he tried to turn the conversation toward God. And I went on the attack. And I lit into this dude and bounced off of him. Never encountered anybody like him. He pulled a Bible out of his pocket. He carried one. And man, he started flipping through that Bible and countered all my arguments. He was not hostile. He was calm. He was commanding. And he brought the presence of God into that moment that broke me. Nobody could have done it but him. He was an angel that God sent. It took him a couple of months being my neighbor, talking to me here and there and sharing with me a little bit of his testimony that I came to believe. And I never will forget the day that I kneeled down and gave my life to God. Got up from that prayer a different person. Threw away everything in the house, just cleaned out the house. Felt freed from... The obsession was gone. I felt freed. I knew I was freed. But what is the... You know, it's what we call the third step experience. I had a very powerful third step experience. But what does the big book say we're supposed to do immediately following the third steps? Mm-hmm. A searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. So that third step decision, it says, would have little permanent effect unless it once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Well, you know what? Those church people didn't know how to take me any further than that. They did take me that far. And I got excited about this new thing. And I went off to church with this dude. And I could shout hallelujah as loud as anybody. And I played music a little bit too. And it wasn't long, they had me up there involved with the worship team. I was leading worship in church. Can you believe that? And before long, I became a deacon in this church. And then after a few years, I got a little license and started doing some preaching on the side. And then one day, I went off to East Texas and started a little church. Tried my hand at being a pastor. I really learned how to do church good. But you know, the big book says that if we don't do that inventory, what we do not learn is enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we find it necessary. We who? Mm-hmm, we alcoholics. I hadn't learned that. And so sure enough, the day came when I had this thought that said, you know, my real problem was drugs. Yeah, y'all had that thought. so surely a couple of drinks isn't going to hurt anything so just starting with the idea that I was just going to have a coupleof drinks now and then I resume having a real problem with alcohol and again as the big book says more than most people the alcoholic leads a double life and so the day came when I started finding myself preaching the Bible with a hangover and for many years teaching and preaching the Bible with a hangover was the recurring theme in my life every time I'd hit a new bottom, change brands of religion thinking there's something wrong with our theology here and this other group over here promised that they had more power so I'd switch churches thinking this new one's going to fix me and you know for a while I'd think I was fixed during one of those times when I thought I was fix, I moved to Austin I had a fellow here who played slide guitar, and I like to play harmonica and sing the blues. And we started a little gospel blues kind of music ministry there in Austin. And so one day we was playing in a little coffee shop off of 6th Street down there and doing our songs about God, and there was a girl in there. She heard us singing. She kind of had a little thing going with God too. So she came up and introduced herself to us. Well, I just started kind of a little home church thing going on there in Boston. I was new in Austin, so I invited her to come to that. And she showed up. Found out she was in AA. You know, I was surprised to learn that AA was a spiritual program. And I was real intrigued with its simplicity. Good grief, I Was trying to solve this riddle. You know? This church, that church, something wrong here? What is it? Study at Harderbrook? Oh. And the simplicity of AA, it looked beautiful. But, of course, I'm fixed right now. So we became good friends. And usually on Saturday I'd go to an open AA meeting with her. And on Sunday she came to my little home church thing, Bible study. And for a time all went well. And after a couple of years, we got married. I got to know a lot of her AA friends. And some of them would now and then come to my Little Bible Study. For a time, all went very well. until that inevitable day when I thought it would be okay to have a drink now. And started that little snowball rolling down the mountain again. And before long, I'm living a double life again. Trying really hard to keep it hid, you know. And I was keeping the worst of it hid pretty well, which in my mind meant that I was controlling it. You all know what I mean? As long as you don't find out, I'm controlling it, so. And so, but I'm really struggling with it. I'm wirklich struggling. You know, I can't hardly contain it. I mean, and one day I'm sitting in an AA meeting with my wife, frustrated to the max. I mean I just couldn't sneak enough to satisfy me and I was wishing she'd go off for the weekend on one of them AA retreats or something. and I'm mad at everybody. I'm bad at the whole world. How did I end up married into AA? And, you know, and I know that she's probably hoping I'm going to realize, and I am sitting there going, I know she wants me to say I am an alcoholic, and I not an alcoholic. I am controlling it. She don't even have an idea how much I am drinking. You know, and so, and I was mad. I wanted to just blow the place up, and then this guy opened the big book and read that day. He said, He said, you know, most of us have been unwilling to admit that we're real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we can drink like a normal person. The idea that somehow, someday, he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. He said... You know, here's the real earmark of an alcoholic. He said if you happen to be controlling your drinking, you're not happy about it. And man, I felt like that dude, I'll never forget the moment because he stood in the back of that room and shot an arrow across that room and got me right in the chest. It was me and him in that room and nobody else and he nailed me to the wall with the big book. Can you believe that? Thank God for big book thumpers. And that was the day that I knew that I was going to have to join this fellowship and work these steps if I was ever going to stay sober and be happy about it. But that posed a little problem, you see, because I've been around A long enough to hear y'all talking about this fearless humility and this rigorous honesty. And that's kind of scary when you've been a little preacher that you're leading a double life and you've got lots of secrets. I talked to an old man around her AA group and he was able to help me find the courage to walk into the meeting and announce to all my wife's friends who had known me for quite a few years as a little preacher and to say, My name is Dave and I'm an alcoholic. Can y'all help me? me. And you know, I'll never forget that. It's quite a journey, isn't it? You never forget those moments. That hurt me to do that. Crushed my religious pride. One time when I was a kid, I got a splinter or something in my hand. It got infected and then it started blood poisoning and that streak was going up my arm. And one day I was at the doctor and I wasn't responding to nothing. And the doctor decided he was going to have to lance that thing and so I'm laying on the little table you know with the papers on it and stuff and he gets my arm really down tight holding it between his knee and his side I didn't know what he was fixing to do and he sprayed my hand with something cold I guess we're supposed to numb it and he took that scalpel and went cut an X in my hand that I didn' t know was coming I ain't kidding you they had to peel me off the ceiling and it hurt hurt. But you know what? That thing had been throbbing for days, hurting me at night. And after he slashed that thing open, I felt the draining start. I felt it. I felt healing begin. I slept that night. And that's the way it was when I walked into that room and had to crush my religious pride and say I'm an alcoholic and maybe I need your help. That gutted me. Step one just slashed me open and gutted me, but I felt the healing begin. And I came to step two, and I have another problem with step two because it says we came to believe that a power greater than ourself could restore us to sanity. I said, wait a minute, I came here to believe 25 years ago and have not been able to stay sober. And what should I expect AA to be any different? Why should I expect AA to be any different? I'm not just now coming to believe. I'm going to change my God or my faith. I still have those. You know, I stillhave my same Lord. I stillhave my same faith. And I'mnot going tochange any of that. So why should Iexpect anything to beanydifferent in AA? And what about this word sanity? Are they implying I'm insane? But as I read the big book, I found out they were talking about the insanity that precedes the first drink. Ding! That rang a little bell. And the more I read the big book and heard people in meetings, because you know, they talk about the insanity about that first drink. You know, I never heard about that. In church, the Bible says, Be not drunk with wine, but be ye filled with the Holy Ghost. And I used to preach that. Be not drunken with wine. But be ye fill with the holy ghost. You know? And I can still do that. But I would then leave church and think, you know, I'm not going to get drunk. I'm just going to have that couple of drinks. And I never knew that the problem started with me with the first drink until y'all taught me that. And as I would read more of the big book and then listen to y'ALL in the meetings, put the big books in perspective for me, I started learning a lot about alcoholism and about the solution to alcoholism. I learned about me, the alcoholic, and the hopelessness apart from... You know, and I don't know, one day I'm sitting in an AA meeting and ding, the light goes on and I came to believe that the same old God that I'd had for 25 years who couldn't keep me sober over there and none of them, the different ones I hopped to, was now going to use a different avenue. That He was now gonna start speaking to me in the language of the big book. And he was going to use the voice of another alcoholic. And I was going to hear my same old God in a brand new way. I came to believe that God does something very unique, very exclusive and very unique for alcoholics through alcoholics. And that was step two for me. In step three I made a decision to turn my willing life over to the care of God as I understood him. And so I'm reading step three and it says, when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer being all powerful, he provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well. And now let me tell you where I was the time I read that. I had started becoming a massage therapist then I developed tendonitis. It was threatening to put me out of business. I'm thinking, oh my God, You know, blind people don't just jump from one career to another. You've got to be trained and everything else, you know. And so I'm thinking this one, you Know, and someone came by the house and showed me a little home business that they thought I might could do. And I thought, Great! Oh boy, this is good. And so, I got books and tapes and I listened to it. I went to meetings and listened to their speakers and I would come home with their tapes and listen to that stuff and I'd learn all about the company and all about their products and I'd be ready to go out and do this business and I wouldn't get far down the street before someone would show me one better. Well, so I'd put this one aside and join this other one. Of course it cost a little more money but it looked like it had a little more earning capacity so then I'd go to those meetings and learn about that group and that business and their products and listen to their tapes and when I finally thought I was about ready to do the presentation on this thing I wouldn'T get very far down the road for someone to show me when it's even better. But it cost quite a bit to join. But it looked real promising. And over the course of the next five... I mean, before long, I'm having to drive out to drag out the credit cards and they cost a lot to join and I haven't made back any of the money I've invested on any of these others but they're promising me I'll get it all back and then some with this one. And you know, the big book says the more we fought, the worse it got. My fear of financial insecurity was something else. And I took my wife and me to the brink of bankruptcy in my effort to save us from financial disaster. And right in the middle of all that, you know, my drinking and my next relapse has broke out and is escalating behind all this fear and stress and worry and all of a sudden I come in and it says right here when I sincerely took this position, I had a new employer. I thought this is what I've been looking for and he's all powerful and would provide what I needed if I'd keep close to him and perform his work well and I thought well what's the job description well it went right on down there and it said in that prayer it said I asked God to take away my difficulties that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of his power and his love and his way of life I said, okay, let me get this straight, God. I'm going to turn this mess over to you. And you're going to start snapping things in place. And my job is to share my experience with that. Man, sign me up. I'm ready for this. This is what I've been looking for. This is What I was Looking For All Them Years In Church, Actually. You know, ever since that first time way back there when I gave my life to God, I've had a heart to serve God. It's just that alcohol kept ruining it. And now I was going to get to become a part of that exclusive and unique work that God does for alcoholics through alcoholics. You know, it says on page 28 that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color are children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. So there are terms and conditions Conditions to forming a relationship with your Creator. And that's what I found right there on page 68. The terms and conditions are real clear. It says that God would do this if I would do this. God would do this if I would do this. And don't forget it. Because those are the terms and conditions of our experience with this power of God. You know, it's kind of like making a contract with God or something. You know you hear about all them old rock stars that used They used to make a contract with the devil so they could become rich and famous. You've heard about them. And of course, after that, all they got to do is fart. They got to hit record. Well, I figured this was sort of like that. You know, that I'm going to make this contract with God. Now, I tell you, if you're going to be a Christian, if you want to make it, you better think well before you do that. And it told me right here that if I was going to form this contract with God, I better think well before taking this step. I took it real serious. I took It real serious Think well before Taking this step That I can at last abandon myself utterly to Him Am I in or am I out? And I decided I wanted in And then it says okay Then established on this footing that means I'm supposed to set my feet firmly planted upon this fact God will do this if I will do it I will be able to do this and don't forget it established on that footing I become less and less interested in myself and my plans and my designs and my running the show because I don't need to be anymore more and more I become interested in seeing what I can do to help others why? because I'm free to go do that this is where I quit being a taker in life and started learning to be a giver I learned that when I put you on my giving side God got on my receiving side established on such a footing he would do this if I would do the same do this keep close to him and perform his work well that's our primary purpose to stay sober and help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety and the big book says as we have been given a great sense of purpose and that it is accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God. Lord, have mercy. I know today that somehow me getting whatever I need from God is going to be connected to and in response to me keeping close to Him and performing His work well. And there is nothing else. There is nothing other than nothing else So how do I do that? Well, step four through nine is how I get close to God. Them steps I never did before to remove the things that block me. I do steps four through ninth to establish a conscious contact with God to get close To Him. I do Steps 10 and 11 to keep close To him. And Step 12 is to perform His work well. So the rest of the steps are just how I do. Step 3, my Step 3 decision. And you know, there's a lot of good promises coming through them steps four through nine that are worth making note of. You know, it says we begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we have a spiritual experience. We will comprehend the word serenity. We will know peace. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not have done for ourselves. What an awakening it is to come through those steps. This thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living. Vigorously. As we cleaned up the past, we have entered the world of the Spirit. What does that mean? Well, I know one thing it means. It says that the central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. That's what we've entered into if I work them steps right. This thought brings me to step 10 which suggests that I continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Now here's how we keep close to Him and perform His work well. 84, page 84. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When they crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. We make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Now, if you're around me very long, you'll get sick of hearing me quote that. But I tell you what, that old man that I asked to be my sponsor, I got sick of seeing him quote it. And he started that group I go to and out of respect people would sometimes say to the old men, Big E, you got anything you want to say today? And he'd say, Yeah, are y'all continuing to watch for selfishness and dishonesty? That's all he ever said. If you came into the meeting some morning and your halo wasn't on quite right, he'd catch you by the coffee thing and he'd ask, How's your serenity today, boy? It's a little off today, Ed. He'd say... Are you continuing to Watch for Selfishness and Dishonesty? You know, and you'd say No, I haven't done that yet, Ed He'd go, Well then have you asked God if he wants to remove it and discuss it with somebody? No, I haven't done that yet, Ed. And he'd say, well, thank God. Because if you had have done that and still felt this way, I wouldn't know what to tell you. Ed said this was a wrench that would fit any nut. And what he meant was... What he meant is that this passage right here Here is the whole program in a nutshell. Grab it and apply it to any problem, and it will start the gears to turning to grind out the solution. Now, of course, at this point in my recovery, I'm just getting annoyed that I've got this old man to be my sponsor that only knows one passage from the Big Book. And you know, that's what I thought of him until the day that I got a letter from Social Security. It was about this time of year, middle of November. I got a letter from Social Security because I get a little bit of a disability check and we tore open this letter and it said your disability check is going to be cut $600 a month starting the 1st of December. Two week notice. That's all I got. And the fear of financial insecurity which was just kind of starting to go away a littlebit jumped on me with a vengeance and was crushing me to the ground. It felt like a ton of bricks dropped out of the sky and I mean panic grabbed me and was crashing me in the ground and in that moment of panic I heard the voice of God and it sounded like Ed. And he said, ask God who wants to remove that fear boy. Discuss it with someone immediately and make amends quickly if you've harmed anyone and resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help. And you know my wife and I celebrate Christmas real big every year. we do Christmas shows and all that stuff and I remember when I got that check I thought there goes Christmas this year and I'm sitting here going what does resolutely mean resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help well I know that on New Years people make these New Years resolutions and they mean bless God come the 1st of January they're going to quit smoking or go on a diet or something they mean they're gonna plant their feet and they're gonna dig in and they'll lean into that thing and push against it with resolve. And I thought, maybe that's what I'm supposed to do here. Maybe the walls of fear are closing in on me and I'm opposed to push through it and reach out and find someone to help and don't let that paralyze me. And so I did. Called my sponsor, told him. I said, here's what happened. I reported to him. Asked God to remove the fear. I didn't owe any amends in this particular situation. And then I started going to meetings looking for people to help. This is the first time in my recovery program that I wasn't going to the meeting hoping somebody would help me stay sober. I'm going to a meeting firmly focused on finding someone to help, and I didn't feel like I could do a very good job, but I was going to do what I could. And if I heard somebody sharing in that meeting that sounded a little down, I'd find them after the meeting and pray with them or give them a word or two of encouragement best I could didn't know much usually I'd be back at home that evening reading my big book and go oh wow this is what I needed to share with them this morning and I'd write that down and go look for them tomorrow and say hey you know what it changed my whole experience with reading the big book I started arming myself with facts from this book so that I could win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours that became important to me you know what we went through Christmas and had no lack of presents it was a great Christmas came to the 1st of January me and Norma sat down to do our budget we do our project twice a month first in the middle and we were a little scared to look at it and we added up our bills for the first half of the month of January and there was enough money in the bank to pay the bills and we weren't sure how that happened and Normа said why don't we go ahead and just kind of add up the whole month and I thought oh I don't know if I want to look that far into the future. But we did. You know, we added it up and it said we were going to hit the end of January about $500 short. And I said, but Norm, if you get scared, ask God who wants to remove that fair discussion with someone immediately. I thought, oh, starting to sound like Ed now. You know what? We came to the first of February and had money to pay all the bills and we didn't know how it happened. The 1st of March, all the bills are paid. We didn't know how it happened. 1st April, 1st May. And, of course, during this time we're trying to regain our equilibrium a little bit, make some life adjustments. And, you know, after about six months, we kind of got everything leveled out. But for a while there, it was like, how did that happen? We don't know. Well, sit down one night, I did. I sat down one time and thought, I'm going to try to remember how that happened. Well, I remember there was a time toward the end of February that I better call the bank and make sure that we're not fixing to start bouncing checks. You know, just make sure that we got our checkbook right. I know we're down to the last few nickels and dimes. It said I had $500 in my checking account. Hmm. I don't think I made a $500 miscalculation. We were watching it close, you know. And you say, what? Do you think God put $500 into your checking account? I'd feel like a nut if I said that. but to tell you the truth I'd kind of feel like a nut if I said he did I don't know what to say all I know is it was there I waited a few days to see if the bank made any kind of correction they did not oh man, was I excited I grabbed my little gratitude journal I keep one of those, it's a good practice and I'm flipping through it I want to find my February page to say, man, you can't believe what happened today hallelujah, I can still shout that too And, you know, as I'm turning through that gratitude journal I flipped past a January page that said I called the bank today and there was $100 in the bank more than I thought we had And I thought, oh yeah, I remember that It happened in January too for about $100 You know, in March there was a day I'm a night person I stay up all night and sleep during the day And this particular weekend, I stayed up all Friday night and didn't get the chance to sleep Saturday. And toward the end of the day, Norma said, do you want to go out and do something this evening? I said, no, man, I'm really kind of ragged out. I said to her, they've been announcing all week they're going to have a great speaker over at our group. So we'll go over there. You can listen to the speaker, and I can doze in the chair. So we drive over there, it's five minutes to eight. We walk up to the door, and just as I reach for the door it flies open, and the chairperson came out and grabbed me and said, Dave, man, our great speaker just called and canceled. And I said, bummer. And he said, will you speak? Mm-mm. I was just starting to learn how to turn my thoughts to someone else. I've been doing this for a few months here and digging things out of the book and trying to share with people and I started sharing in the meetings some. I was feeling real good about the fact that I was starting to share in the meetings, you know. But no, the place is packed for a great speaker and I've never spoken, not for an hour, no. And I've been up all night and I haven't slept all night. I said, I don't have the presence of mind, I can't do it. And Norma said, you can too. Another one of them great moments. And she took me aside and prayed with me and she drugged me in there just like she did now and stuck me up behind the podium. And I said, just like I did tonight, I said I'm Blind Dave. I was born in 1948, I think. Houston, 77015. And I ain't kidding. I was chugging along there. It was not going well. But you know, about 10 or 15 minutes into it something happened that I felt and will never forget. one time me and some friends about 16 he just got his first car and we got us some beer and a bunch of guys and we went riding out in the country down some dirt road where we could drink without getting caught you know and it had been raining and we go way back down there somewhere and slid off that dirt road into a mud ditch and sunk one of the boys had to walk all the way back to the main highway hitchhike all the way back to town got a friend with a record truck who came out there and drove down that dirt road as far as he could, but he couldn't get all the way to us. And he had to stretch that chain and cable and everything he could get way down there to hook onto that car. And he said, okay, give it a little bit of gas and I'm going to take the slack out of this chain. And I'm sitting there in this car just waiting and all of a sudden, the slack came out of that chain. And that car just started going... You know, we're sliding all over the place, But man, that truck, I didn't know them winch trucks had so much power. That thing was dragging us up that hill. And that night's the way I felt. I felt like I was stuck in the mud and oh my God, and struggling all of a sudden, ka-chunk. Something just grabbed hold of me and off I was going then. And I'll never forget it. One of my greatest experiences I've ever had, and I've had many since, but it's always the same, ka‑chunk, and you're in tow. And you know God's got it now. And when I finished that service and, you know, everybody stands and gives you a standing ovation that's common courtesy but this was not that. They jumped and cheered and they cheered for a long time and I couldn't believe they were cheering at me. And everybody's all over me talking to me at the end of the meeting wow, I was the man of the hour it felt so good, you Know? You know, and so now everybody's gone. We're the last ones to leave and we're driving home and we get home and Norma says, hey, by the way, somebody gave me a note that said somebody gave them a note to give to me to read to you when we got home. And I said, well, cool. What does it say? And she unfolded this paper and $500 fell out of it. And we got through March. You know I can remember those instances. is I can remember $100 in January. I can Remember $500 in the bank account in February. I can Remember that $500 that fell out of that paper in March. It's like, wow! These big miracles of God. Let me tell you what the big miracle of God was. Because I lost $600 a month over a six-month period. That's $3,600. $100, $500, and $500 is $1,100. I'm still missing $2,500. and we still got through. Now explain that. The big miracle of God is what you don't see, that you can't add up, that it don't make any sense. All I know is that God said that if I would do this, He would do that. If I would keep close to Him and perform His work well, He would provide what I need. And He did. It says both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist... What does persist mean? Resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help. Push through the fear. Stay on track. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When you look back, you'll realize that what came to you when you put the situation in God's hands was better than you could have planned or even better than you could figure out how it happened. Follow the dictates of your higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world. I don't care what world you're in at this moment. Stay on course. Follow the dictates of your higher power. And you will presently be in a new and wonderful world. And so we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God. And prayer and mediation, step 11 suggests prayer and medication. I want you to know, now it's fixing to make some suggestions how to do prayer and mitigation. It does not say light a candle, put on some nice New Age music. You know what you get when you play New Age music backwards? New Age Music. Here's what it says for an alcoholic, see. If you do some of that, that's great. I'm sure you enjoy that too. But here's what's important for me. Here's my meditation. When you retire at night, constructively review your day. That is supposed to be my meditation I am supposed to sit down in prayer and quiet and invite God into that and say, God help me look at this day. You know, step 10 was all about those big tons of bricks that fall out of the sky and crush you all over and it's an emotional intense moment and you go, oh yeah, I better pray. Step 11 is those days when you say, you know, it's been kind of a nice day today. I think I'll go to bed. And you go to think you need to do an inventory? I don't think so. No, everything seems to be okay. See, step ten is the obvious. Step 11 is the not so obvious. It's where I say, well God, help me look at my day anyway. And He starts helping me find the little splinters that I could have overlooked. That you could have easily forgotten. It's called improving your conscious contact with God. And so, you know, I was kind of learning how to do this thing. I was beginning to practice the evening review as a meditation. Repetition. And then it says, inquire what corrective measures should be taken. This is where I'm starting to commune with God. God, what should I do about that? Exactly what shouldI say? When should I go? And you know, it's a wonderful experience to feel God starting to get involved in that with you. This is Where an Alcoholic Needs to Begin Learning to Hear the Voice of God. It's in taking corrective measure. It's what I call ego deflation. so I was learning that practice and getting pretty good at it and most nights going to bed with a good score feeling real good but I'll tell you about a time that I did not one night we had a hail storm in South Austin that was bad, real bad and it tore up all the roofs around there it tore my roof up too and I called the people from the insurance adjuster and he come out and he climbed up there and looked at my roof and he said oh yeah Yeah, yeah, you've got about $3,200 worth of damage up here. And he said, and you have a $900 deductible, so we'll pay you about, what was that, $2,500, $2.400, whatever it was he would pay. A $32,000 minus $9,000, $3.300 he would take. And he's saying, you got a year to save up your $900 deductible and settle this claim. I thought, great, because I need a year to save that $900. So I didn't think any more about that That was in October. We came all the way around to June, and I'm thinking, oh my God, it's almost here. I better start taking care of this. So I called a roofer, and I said, come out here and look at my roof. And he did, and he came down, and he said, yep, you've got about $5,000 worth of damage up there. I said no, no way. That dude told me $3,200. And he said well, he must not have looked good. He said, you've Got two roofs on up there that I'm going to have to pull both of them off to put a new one. He said whoever did that last one didn't do it right, and water's leaked all under here. and he said, all your decking's rotten. He said, and the two before us that jut out past the wall all around the house are rotten and all your fascia's rotten he said I've got to fix all that and by the way he said that's not hail damage your insurance isn't going to cover it. Oh God! Oh, I'm freaking out a little bit. And then Norma walks in and says guess what I could retire five years earlier if we bought back that five years of my retirement I said how much is that? She said well it's $4,250 $150. I said, no way. I'm freaking out about the roof and I've only got a few months until October to do it. She said, well, I've got until October to do this too or the price goes up. I said no way! And so when I went to bed that night to do my inventory and it says are you drifting into worry? I said yes! So I knew what to do. I asked God to remove my fear. I was going to get up tomorrow call my sponsor Tell him about it, you know, and da-da-da. And I hop in bed and that dang little voice that I've been working on and learning about this meditative taking inventory at night and hearing God point out little things and all this and you kind of get to know the voice of God. And I jumped in bed and I'm starting to go to sleep and I hear this little voice say, Did you ever finish paying for your seeing eye dog? What the heck? Now, listen, that was back in 1980. Does that count? About 82. I mean, 20-something years ago. And I went and got a CNI dog and they say we want you to pay for it. We don't want some charity organization to pay it for you. You can pay a dollar a month. We don' t care if we want you to take care of the dog. We want you paid for it because you'll take better care of the dogs if you pay for them. Since they weren't really pressuring me, I think I went off and had another relapse and forgot all about it. I don't know, but I ain't thought about it in 20-some years years and I'm saying, God, I got some problems. What do I do? And he says, do you ever finish paying for your sin? I don't want that. I did the same thing you did. I said, that ain't God. So, you know, I went to bed and I got up the next day and walked. It took me most of the day to walk around saying that wasn't God, that wasn'T God. I've been sober for five years now doing just fine without even thinking about that. That couldn't have been and God. And when I finally had myself convinced it wasn't God, it was evening, time to start supper. So I went into the kitchen to start supper and I got a little radio on the table because I listen to talk radio a lot and I think it was on public radio that day. And I clicked on the radio. And the first thing that came out of that radio, this lady said, Hi, I'm Jane Doe. And today we're going to be talking to John Smith. Said, John recently and he went blind and got a CNI dog and he wants to talk to you about a CNi dog. And so I did the same thing you'd do. I turned the radio on. And I'm standing there, really, it was weird. Just like that ka-ching. Well, this was another ka-ching. And I am standing there and I looked up at God and I said, God, I can't afford to pay that right now. And this thing that came booming back at me said, You can't affordable not to. What are the terms of our agreement? it. I will provide what you need if you will keep close to him and perform his work well, and keeping close to Him means making the amends and paying them up. Unless, of course, you want to handle this one by yourself, Dave. I said, yes sir, I can't afford not to. I called C&I. I said I think I owe y'all some money. He said, when? I said 1982. He said good Lord. He said I don't think we keep records back that that far. He said, let me go check the microfilm and he called me back in three days and he said, yes sir, Mr. Archibald, you still owe us $35. Oh God, I guess one of my ex-wives had managed to pay most of that off. Oh, I was glad. Oh, me and Norma wrote out a $35 check and I put it in the mail and I'm walking back in the house and I said, God, you sure didn't make a big fuss out of $35? $35! And you know what? And I felt that little voice again say, You didn't know it was 35 bucks. You thought it was a lot more than that. And it took a lot for you to become willing to pay that. And that thing that says, To the extent we do as we think He would have us, He'll match our calamity with serenity. That happened right there. I knew I did what God wanted me to do and I knew it was in God's hands now. Ka-ching! You know what? A few days later, I'm sitting in my living room doing step work with a brand new sponsor. We stop for a cigarette break. We go outside. We're sitting on the porch. He's smoking a cigarette. And I mentioned to him about my roof up there. And he said, really? And he climbed up on the roof. And he looked at it. He came down and said, you know, I used to be an old roofer. He said, how much did that insurance guy say he'd pay you? And I said, well, deducting my nine, they'll pay me 23. He said, I can do all that for $2,300. He went and got an old roofer friend of his and came back and did my whole roof for $2300.