353 Cassette Tapes and Ramen Noodles — What Carrying the Message Looked Like in Year One – David J.

Hi guys, my name is Misty and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, welcome to the Monday night Blue Chips Pickers meeting at NABBA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language, from their own point of view, the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on the aabloochipspeakers.org desperately need to hear our speaker, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, Yes, I am one of them too, and I must have this thing. All right, so I have the pleasure of introducing tonight's cool cat. Check out his frog socks and his frog ties. The coolest cat in the room today, his name is David J. Thank you. Howdy, everyone. My name is David. I'm a recovered alcoholic. And as we do in AA, my sobriety date is October 25th, excuse me, October 21st, 2005. My spiritual experience is 8.45 p.m. Tuesday, October 25th, 2005. My home group at this time is the Thompson Group over in Thompson, Georgia, near Augusta. Our first meeting was September 6th, 1949. We just celebrated 73 years of continuous meetings. And my most recent service effort was taking the message into the Whitworth Women's Facility for the Hopeful Hearts Group. And I've been ultimate GSR for a woman's group. They won't let inmates out to go down to make it. So they have to have a representative, and it's a real group there. I hope some of y'all got into AA and found recovery in prison. It's very tough to do, but it can be done. And first, I'd like to thank Lisa for inviting me. If I do a good job, you thank Lisa too. If I don't do a good job, you let me know. And it's good to see everyone here tonight, willing to go to any length to do it. I think there's a football game going on tonight, isn't there? Right now, definitely. If he jumps up and hollers, I said something really good. If he goes, oh, he can do something bad. I'm digging into service work. It's been a first upon me since I first got sober. I'm a blackout drinker. Is there any other blackout drinkers here? Do you remember your blackouts? Do you remember after your blackouts? And that's the scary thing. So I'll go a little bit into what got me here. But a lot into service work. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous, I had an old timer tell me one time, he says, David, I never had any trouble quit drinking. I quit two or three times a week. My trouble is, I always started back. And that's why I need AA. That's why I need to hang out with you folks. Y'all keep me from starting back. And I've been sober since 5.30 a.m. this morning. Yesterday doesn't count. Tomorrow ain't here yet. Right now, I'm with y'all. So, the story as we got into it, and I'll be through it. 10th Hill, I see the little red clock in the back. Like many of y'all, I was born at a very young age. And growing up was great. I had no trouble at all. Good childhood and all like that. But I'll tell you four things that happened when I was young. About six years old, I was in Fort Sill, Oklahoma. In Lawton, Oklahoma, at Fort Sill. I'm an Army brat. I sleep in one night. I had a nightmare. Just a voice said to me, when you die, you will be nothing. Woke up to ask in prayer. And had about 40 years of fear from that night. I don't know if y'all can relate to this, but alcohol was dead in that fear. And I kept having to drink more and more and more to try to fight it off. And it's a losing battle, as we all know. So, the next year, my mom was a stay-at-home mom. One day, she went to the doctor. And then she went to the hospital. She'd never been out of the house. And didn't know what to do. Walked into the room. My dad's on the telephone. Oh, wait, I'll call you back. What's going on? She had some tumors on her kidney. They worked through that. I had surgery. And she did survive that. But again, more fear. Next year. As I said, I'm an Army brat. My dad was sent off to Vietnam. And we were up in Fort Riley, Kansas. And things that happened there. You'd come home from school. And there'd be a whole bunch of cars over the house. I said, Mom, what's going on over there? Because Mom's cooking something. She says, well, we've got to take some things over to Johnny's house. Why? Johnny's daddy's not coming home. Oh. Well, his daddy's over there where my daddy is. And I don't have a dad when we've got things like Cub Scouts and all like that. One more thing. My dad did make it back. We got transferred up to Virginia. And there was a little bit of sexual abuse on me. I don't know if you'd ever call it little. But compared to other things I've heard, it wasn't horrible. But it was there. So all this stuff lays and lays and lays and lays upon you. And then if you start drinking it, it's really good. Now, I was big into sports. I got started late into drinking. But during the 20s, my 20s, drinking was great. I do remember, I'll say this. I do remember my first drink. It was about 1970 or so. My dad handed me a beer. And I took a big swig of it. And I'll tell you right now. Beer looks and tastes like it comes from the inside of a dog. Wine isn't anything but perverted fruit juice. But liquor. Oh, liquor is fantastic. My man. You know, they say Benjamin Franklin has a saying. Beer is proof that God loves his children. Alcohol is proof that God. It's perfect. And y'all, some of you may relate. Tequila tastes like summertime. Scotch tastes like fall. Bourbon tastes like winter. Gin tastes like springtime. Vodka tastes like breakfast. And rum tastes good all the time. And that was my drink. Rum. Rum. Diet Coke. But I'll remember my drink. You wouldn't think I'm an alcoholic. But I would pedal up to the country store. Buy some of those old Mr. Bartender boxes that you used to mix with. You may be old enough to know. But no one else. We got, caught my mom and let me make some peppermint ice cream topping. Cream to mint. Green food coloring. And vodka. So I ate a lot of ice cream. Went off. Caught. But in my 20s, drinking was great. In the 30s, something started to happen here and there and whatnot. In my 40s, it got bad. And I'm a blackout drinker and skirted through a lot of different things. But let me just cut to the chase. July 23rd, 2005. I've been in trouble. I'd lost the job. I'm sure it was the alcohol. My wife was going off with her friends all weekend because she couldn't stand to be around the house. My oldest son had gotten into a different church. So he has gone a lot. My youngest son was into skateboarding. And I took him over to Covington one day to a skate park. And he was inside skateboarding and all like that. And I was outside drinking out of the back of the pickup truck. Going in and out and whatnot. I don't know when we left. Because, as I said, I'm a blackout drinker. I can tell you that blue lights in your rearview mirror can bring you out of a blackout. And in Tolliver County, Crawfordville, on the way to Augusta, that happened. I got pulled over. I failed the field sobriety test. One sheriff's deputy cruiser took me to the courthouse. Another day. The sheriff's deputy cruiser took my 14-year-old to the courthouse. His 18-year-old brother had to come get him. And I blew .21 and .25. They kept the .21, but three times the legal limit. So, I have two convictions. One is DUI. And the other one is child endangerment. And that's the one that really does hurt. I don't know. If there's any parents in this room. But if you're frank like I did, you would be a child abuser. And that's just what this disease does to us. I can say, I will say later, that recovery does bring all that back and more. So, spent a night in the Wilkes County Jail. Named for Cecil Moore. Came out and vowed never to drink again. Gave all my credit cards and money to my wife. I'm not going to buy anything. Can't buy anything. You got all the money. And that was the next 30 days was the worst 30 days of my life. Because I've never been that sober for that long recently. Things were going wrong and what not. And they talk about living life in life's terms being like winding a clock. That spring just gets tighter and tighter and tighter. I got a reimbursement check from the county that Wilkes County I worked for. I went out and bought all the rum. I could stand. Ended up going back home, getting drunk. And wandered the neighborhood looking for my youngest son. Ended up going to bed and going to sleep. And you know, they say that God looks out for us. And I do truly believe that. I went to sleep and I heard some noise. And y'all know how we wake up, right? You listen a bit. You peek open one eye. And now at the foot of the bed, it was my wife at the time and a uniformed officer of the Thompson Police Department standing in our bedroom at the foot of the bed. And I heard him say to my wife, Ms. Jenkins, I can't arrest him if he's asleep. So I closed my eyes back. And lay there until he's left. And we can all relate and that does show that we're in recovery. Because we do admit what our past was. Well, that was more than enough for my wife. She had started divorce proceedings. Kicked me out of the house. Came down to the house one day to kick me out. And I just heard her say, David, I didn't bring Preston, my youngest son. Because I didn't know if I'd find you alive or not. When I talk about child abuse, that's the kind of thing I mean. Just the wear and tear on all those from around us. So they kicked me out. I went down to the Thompson Methodist Church. Was crying there, praying to God. What's going on? I don't understand. Someone from the community came in and picked me up. You can come live with us. You've got to go to AA meetings. So I started going to AA meetings. Wouldn't pick up any white chips. I really wasn't in AA. But I was going to meetings getting exposed to y'all. Um... A little bit. A little bit later after that, um... Couldn't quit drinking. I was reading the big book in that little bedroom that they'd given me. Drinking, getting drunk, reading the big book. They kicked me out. I ended up in Washington. And someone came in. A businessman there on a Monday. I told you my last drink. But I don't know when my last drink was. I'm a blackout drinker. I last came to October 21st, 2005. 2005 on the second floor of the Washington City Hall Annex. Got home. Got through the weekend. Monday a businessman came in. I'll throw the name out for our Wilkes County buddy out there. Henry Harris. You may remember Henry Harris. He played a big part in getting me sober. He came in and said, When's your last drink, David? I said, Friday. He said, I know. I smelled it on your breath. It's been arranged for you to go to AA. Jimmy Bowman, who's passed away. I can use his name. Jimmy Bowman will be at your house Tuesday night at 7.30. He showed up. I was physically, physically escorted into an AA meeting. Sat down. They had a literature study that night. They called that off at a first step meeting. And at 7.45 p.m. Tuesday, October 25th, 2005. That's when I had my spiritual experience. Because I was looking at the felon and the clock was right behind me. And the spiritual experience was this. It was, They know. And y'all can verify this. They know what we know. See, we know what it feels like way down deep inside. To have to pick up a drink. When you don't want to pick up a drink. Because you know it's going to be bad. And that's those four horsemen. That time watching, seven days a week. I started going seven days a week to AA meetings. After a while, they, After six months or so, they said, David, we've noticed you quit crying at every meeting. Time for you to get into service work. Meet us at the jail. 6.30. I walked in there. Big Henry and Rita were there. We walked into the Willard County Jail. To see some more hotel. They didn't ask for IDs or nothing. We just walked in. There were still guys there from my DUI night. And we did AA meetings. But they, They knew it's a small town. They didn't know what AA would do. And I'll tell you another little story. We're recording all this stuff. I was there. Ms. Louise Burt from Burt Lumber. She, She had her first drink at 50. She got sober at 60. I met her when she was 85. And she spent 10 more years in the meeting. So she passed away at 95. Still going to AA meetings. She came in one day and said, I bought this new, Cadillac. I can't play my tapes. I said, Well, Ms. Louise, Maybe I can make them copy. Okay. So she gave me a cassette tape. Checked with him. Did y'all know what that is? She gave me a cassette tape. I burned it onto a CD. Kept a copy for myself. Gave it back to her. I said, Well, Ms. Louise, If you got any more, let me know. Well, next week she came back with a handful. Copy those. A couple weeks later, She came back with two handfuls. Gave them back. Next time she had a sack. Now, I'm eating ramen noodles and peanut butter. I'm having to buy this CD. How many cassette tapes can she have? 353 cassette tapes. Now, Didn't have any money. Broke going through all the stuff we do. But here were my weekends. Saturday, I'd get up. I'd do three cassette tapes in the morning. Go to the noon meeting of Washington's group. Do three more. Three more meetings there in Washington. Or three more tapes there in Washington. Then go down to Thompson. So that's 8 AA meetings a day on Saturday. Sunday, I'd do six cassette tapes throughout the day. I'd go to the Wilkes-Barre Relief Center, my prison. And then go to the Washington group. If you go to 16 meetings over a weekend, you're going to learn some AA. Okay. So, that's what I ended up doing. So I'm sitting there working my way through, doing all the good stuff. Everyone's like, oh, you're exactly where you need to be. Let go of that guy. This too shall pass. All that old-timer, thicker stuff they throw at you. But, it was a February. February. In fact, it was February 2007. So I'm going on two years sober. And I'm in the office because I don't have any heat. I'm depressed. It's February. The doctor got me on antidepressants. All the credit card companies are after me. Work is tough. I had gotten a new pen pal. The initials are IRS. IRS. They ain't cruel, but they don't play. You take 25% for child support and 25% for the IRS, plus rent and plus what? You're lucky to get ramen noodles and peanut butter. So I'm sitting there all kind of depressed. Because good things are happening, but I'm in the middle of getting well, and I don't realize it. And you know, I mentioned I had two sons. After that DUI, they both wrote me letters. One I managed to keep. The other, my youngest son took back. And so this has been edited for singleness of purpose tonight. But here's the letter my oldest son left me. Dear Mom and David. See, it wasn't Dan. I don't know how long it will be before I come home. It may be two days or two weeks. I don't know. But even if I do come home, I won't be talking to either of you until I can trust you. David, I'm not being judgmental. Everyone knows you're a drunk. It's not something I judge. It's just something I know. Being a drunk is not only bad in a biblical stance, but a worldly stance as well. So it has nothing to do with what church I go to. You can go ask Tom Kerr if alcoholism is okay, and he'll say no. Even how you're trying to blame this on me by calling my judge, me judgmental, instead of owning up to your problems. How can I not refer to the past in this situation? Every other time you said you'll stop, it is a lie. Those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it. I'm tired of repeating this crap. Also, how dare you laugh in my face after I spilled my heart to you. I know why. You know that you've been able to once again to force your rules and plans to get your way. No matter what I said last night, you knew that in the end you would get your way. You don't care what you do. You don't care what you've done to the rest of us. I've had to play dad in this family for too long, and you are in no way, shape, or form in any state to take that position away from me. You are a spoiled little kid who, after throwing a tantrum, gets his way. These tantrums have been ignored for too long. It's funny that you are the most active person in the Methodist side of our family, and you do everything that a Christian should. Is it because you think that going to church more will cover it up? Because it won't. And I would say that's a pretty honest letter. On February 23rd, I was sitting in that office and worried about the IRS, this, that, and the other, but my two boys were the biggest ones. You know, what I've learned is that, I say God's a perfect gentleman. He won't go anywhere unless he's asked. I've heard an old-timer say, the one word that best describes God is lonely. Because there's not enough relationship. There's not enough relationships between us. And, you know, that day I was sitting at my computer, and just said a little prayer. God, something. Just give me something. And a couple hours later, I guess, somewhere over in Memphis, Tennessee, where my son was going to preacher school, he sent an email. My computer went ding. And this is what I read. Hey, Dad. I love you and appreciate it. I mean, everything you've done in the past year. I was once terrified that I had lost my father, and now that fear is gone. I can't put into words all that you mean to me and how much I love you. You are my role model, and I can't wait to have children, hoping I can be half the man that you are. I'm proud to be your son, and I love you. Your son, Carl. So that's what AA has given me. It's also given me the ability to be in the game. My youngest, my youngest son went off to college. I was chairing a meeting one night. My phone went off. I looked at him and went, the mother of my children. That's probably not good. She never calls for me when I'm good. And I was right. Our youngest son had been arrested for armed robbery. I don't know if anyone in here has gone through the legal system, but that's one of seven deadly sins. Ten years straight up. I went down that night, trying to figure out what was going on. It's over in Milledgeville. Next day, trying to bail him out. The mother of my children couldn't get the bail money together. I walked down to the Farmers Bank in Washington, said, I need $3,000. And they cut me a check. We drove to Milledgeville. I handed $2,000 to the bail bondsman, and $1,000 to the attorney, and walked out with my son. Washington's a small town. They know everybody's business. I went to the attorney, and he said, well, Mr. M. Jenkins, you're good parents. You raised your son to tell the truth. And he did. In my profession as an attorney, we call that a confession. We're good at what we do. The retainer will be $10,000. So we're scrambling to get the $10,000. My brother ended up giving me his life savings at the time because I wasn't drinking anymore. We got the money together, and writing letters and things like that. He actually pled out to first offender aggravated assault. So he spent 90 days in jail and prison, five years probation. Folks say probation is a light gig. Just slap them for me. It ain't. But I was there for my youngest son. So, a couple of things. I believe in audience participation. So this is going to help. I've done a lot of work in prison. I've told you I've spent 10 years in women's prisons. And guys, if you want to learn about women, take AA meetings to a women's prison. You'll learn about women all right. But we were having two things right quick. In a meeting one Sunday, we had 45 women in the meeting and a lady on the right corner front row never said a word. She'd come in, she had the big book, she had the 12 and 12, had the daily reflector. She'd put it on her left, cross her hands by her head. We'd do the meeting. She'd get up, set it down the chair, hold hands to the left. No one heard a word from her for a year. In fact, some of these, we said, does anyone have anything affecting their sobriety or heavy on their arm? She raised her hand and said, I do. And everyone, neck bones cracking to look at her. And she said, well, I just wanted to let y'all know, I haven't seen my son in over four years and he came to see me today. We've been, we've been talking on the phone lately. I had written him some letters and we've been talking on the phone and he came to see me today. And I didn't know what to talk to him about. And finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. And I said, son, why are you here? And he bowed his head and looked back up at her and said, well, mom, since you've been going to those A&A meetings, you sound different. And some of y'all probably have gone through that yourself. So that's the inspirational moment there. But we also had a prison riot there one time. Someone was talking about their AA experiences and said, blah, blah, blah. And someone on the other side of the room says, oh, that's gross. How can you do something so nasty? And she said, let me tell you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me reel everyone. Let's talk through this. So we had a good discussion about that topic. That got me going, though. I'm just doing this. It's a fifth step type thing. But if you've done any of these, raise your hand. You might be able to help somebody else. So these were the topic was the worst place to ever come out of a blackout. I could not make the list. So the top 10 reasons. Number 17. Now, I said top 10, but I'll call it. I kind of sort of maybe someday might obey the rule. Plus, there's so many good places to come out of a blackout. Number 17. In a dumpster. No. I almost started a riot. Number 16. While talking on a cell phone. Number 15. While in an aerial dog fight. We had a lot of Air Force pilots, and you'd be surprised. Number 14. While performing heart surgery. Put it in. I'm taking it out. Number 15. Y'all get ready. With the police tapping on your car window. Number 12. During a debate. Number 11. Walking off of an airliner. You don't know what country you're in. Number 10. Showing off a bad tattoo. Number nine. Confessing to your PO. David, tell me again where you hid that cocaine. You're a cop. That's for sure. Number eight. While sky diving. What? Number seven. During a police chase on the interstate. We're gonna talk. And then of course, number six, during the police interrogation. Number 5. Giving a funeral eulogy. I'm learning so much. Number 4. naked on your parents' front lawn. I love this group. Number three, testifying in court. Mr. Jacobs, tell the jury again where that cocaine is hidden. Number two, during a wedding. During your wedding. And the number one worst time to come out of a blackout. During sex. I love working with professionals. So I've got about five minutes or so. What I've been taught in my sobriety is always to be looking for God. We talked about this in my home group. Conscious contact with God. God is like a mother of a little child playing hide-and-seek. The mom always hides where she can be found. And the same thing with God. We just have to be looking. So, the top ten alcoholism movies. Oh, these are good. Number ten, Clean and Sober. So if you haven't seen these, then you can watch them. Number nine, Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Number eight, The Lost Weekend. Back in the 40s, it won an Academy Award. They did the pre-screening. It was so raw. It was such a raw description of alcoholism that they almost didn't show the movie. And it won an Academy Award. Number seven, Days of Wine and Roses. Number six, You Killed Me. It's about a Polish hitman who can't kill people because he's drunk. So he goes to AA so he can start killing people again. Number five, My Name is Bill W. Number four, 28 Days. Number three, Pay It Forward. Number two, When a Man Loves a Woman. And the number one top alcoholism movie of all time, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Now, let me just do a five-minute synopsis of that movie. It starts out, the Grinch is all alone. All he's got is his dog. And he's abusing the dog. And he's looking down on the rest of the folks in Whoville, planning bad things about him, got a resentment about him. Everyone in town. Just down on him. And he comes up with a plan to get even. Sound familiar yet? So he comes up with his plan. And he starts off down to Whoville to do all the stuff. And then they break for the commercial. But, you know, right before they break, they have the song. You're a mean one. I can't sing, so bear with me. But in that song, there's the line, The King of Sinful... Socks. And what is a sock? 1950s word for drunk. So they tell you in the movie, he's a drunk. Mm-hmm. I thought Jim Carrey was just a drunk in general. Well, this is the original Grinch. So, they get us down there and he's going through the houses, right? Stealing all the stuff. And then who shows up? Little Cindy Lou Who, who's no more than two. And she has the little questions. Why, Santa Claus, why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why? And if you are in this room, you've probably heard something like that. Why, honey, why? Why, son, why? Why do you drink like you do? Why? And just like the Grinch, we thought up a line. We thought it up quick. Well, it's my job. It's you. It's the kids. It's whatever. It's certainly not me. And we do a good job of convincing folks. So, it's little Cindy Lou Who goes back to bed. The Grinch steals everything. Takes it up to the top of the mountain. And you remember at the beginning of the movie, his heart was too small. Right? What we have here in this fellowship is the language of the heart. So, he's sitting there and the Grinch has a spiritual experience. And his heart grows three sizes that day. And you remember, he blows out the little box around his heart. Then he gets a tear in his eye. Then all the toys start to go over the cliff. And he gets the strength of ten Grinches plus two. Which is how many? Twelve. Hmm. I've heard that number somewhere. And then, after the spiritual experience, he immediately has a program of action. He goes back down into the village. And returns every toy and makes amends. And then, if you listen, I don't have it memorized yet. But if you listen to the sign at the end of the cartoon session, you'll hear people talking about we. We, we, we. Which is exactly what we have here tonight. So. That's part of what I've learned from being in this fellowship is I want to be on the lookout for God. Because God is hanging around all over the place right now. Right now, I've had a lot of other things. Right quick. Up at Whitworth Women's Facility. Doing an AA meeting. Two ladies with me and whatnot. We're going on and on and on. And we're getting in. Uh-oh. I'm getting feelings. I fell in love in a women's prison. To another AA member. Outside member. Longer story there. But I did do it right. Had to talk to my sponsor. And had me two or three other sponsors or what not. And so. How many folks in here have been in the prison? If you don't have money on the books, Christmas is a darn lonely time. And it just so happened, 2013, we met on Tuesday nights. December 24th. 2013 was a Tuesday night. Our regular meeting night. We had gotten together with the warden. So we took in all kinds of goodies. Hand drinks and chocolate bars and granola and all that stuff. And we had a graduation party. Then after that, it's tough to, believe it or not, it's tough to get into prison. If you're fine up standing folks. We couldn't get anyone to give up their Christmas Eve to come speak. So Kim and I spoke at that meeting. I went first, she went next. And I had a reserve five minutes after that. And on December 24th, 2013, from an AA podium in the Whitworth Women's Facility, I proposed to Kim. And she started to get up. She's on that side. And I said, sit down. And I went over and got down on one knee. Now, I didn't feel comfortable smuggling a diamond engagement ring into a women's prison. But I had made one out of aluminum. And so I gave that to her. I did have one out in the car. We've had great times ever since. Some challenging times and whatnot. But we're still together. We're still doing the best we can together. And we're still all involved in AA. So, given on that high note, it's about 10 till I made a promise. And I'll keep it. And I'm looking forward to talking to some of y'all. You? I know I'm talking to you after the meeting. Because I want to love a lot. Thank you for being here for me tonight. You're going to help us. Told you he was a cool cat, didn't I? I think I wanted to do. There ain't no put me through. I have to blame myself for letting. Till I was turned into a girl. For the life you're running from the fire. Talking, heartbreaker. You had me believe. That you loved me. But you gave me one match and gasoline. Was left but ashes. But I was turned a good girl into a liar. I didn't come here looking for the light. Running from the fire. And it's all because of you. Running from the fire. Hey everybody, I'm Jim. I'm Paul. This is Tim. This is Tim, yeah. He's Tim 1, I'm Tim 2. And he's my sponsor.