The Release Valve of Step 5 — Fred L.

That's where I'd do what he told me, and it says here in the second full paragraph on a page, he said, in effect, if you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will being free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and believe me, they were only words and you don' t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you'll find you have come to mean it and you want it for them. And you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred and you now feel compassionate understanding and love. Now, I've got to tell you, I did that because I told my sponsor I would do that. I did it. I did do that, and when my son was 21 years old and he graduated from college, I hadn't seen my ex-wife in a number of years, and I saw her at that graduation, and she was still mad at me. She was still bad at me 15 years later. She was so mad at her. I was not mad at her. I was free. This deal works, you see. This deal worked. Now, I'm going to tell you that it's hard to get into another relationship and carry with you the baggage from the previous relationship because of a thing that therapists talk about in terms of transference. You carry that with you. First, you solve your mess, you clean up your mess and it makes you a better person to be with in the future. So Pat and I have a relationship today that's unparalleled in both of our experiences because we've done this kind of work on ourselves, each independent of the other. You see, we get drunk, but we get sober. We get sober individually. We have to work our own program. We've got to clean up our own mess. So Bill tells us, here's the seven-step prayer. He'll say, this is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? Because it told us that if we're going to enlarge our spiritual life, it has to be through work and self-sacrifice for others. So God's going to send you some sick puppy along the way just to make you better if you help that sick puppy. Thy will be done. We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. If we don't, if we do we destroy our chance at being helpful we cannot be helpful to all people but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Here it is again referring to our list again alright piece of paper referring to your list again putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done us. We resolutely look for our own mistakes because we have no control over other people. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults, we listed them on paper. We place them before us in black and white. Alright, it's pretty clear. We admitted our wrongs honestly and we're willing to set these matters straight. Now we talk about fear. Fear being the third way that self manifests itself. Notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties of Mr. Brown and Mr. Jones, the employer and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread. The fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did we not ourselves set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper. Hello, we put them On Paper. Even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-rebliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it did not fully solve the fear problem or any other. When it made us cocky, it was even worse. Perhaps there is a better way. We think so, for now we are on a different basis. And this is what you do about fear. The basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in a world to play the role He assigns, just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us and humbly rely on Him does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. In other words, you do what God wants you, He's going to take care of you. You are never going to find Him wanting in any situation. And if you don't find Him wanting, you're not going to be wanting in any given situation. We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is a way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologise for God. Instead, we let Him demonstrate to us what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear. Fourth step prayer. Second one. We ask him to remove our fear and to direct our attention to what he would have us be. At once, at once, we commence to outgrow fear. At once. Got fear creeping in? It's one of the ways that self manifests itself. You're fearful because you're afraid that you're not going to get something you want or something you deserve or something you have to have, something you perceive as necessary for your ongoing good life. Fear. One of the ways that self manifests itself. And what you do is you ask God to take it away. Please God, take it way. Take it away! Let me know what I can do to be helpful to somebody else. See, when I'm helping somebody else they don't think about me. That's why we tell each other you've got to help people. That's a spiritual growth, progress through help and self-sacrifice for others. And at once we commence to outgrow fear. Bottom of the page. Now about sex. Here's the good part. Here's a good part Many of us needed an over... Oh my God, is this an understatement? Many of use needed an overhauling there. But above all we tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes absurd extremes perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is the lust of the lower nature, our base necessity of procreation. Then we have voices who cry for sex and more sex who bewail the institution of marriage, who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it or that it isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and other would have all of us on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sexual conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them? All right, clear directions. We reviewed our own conduct over the years. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, and inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we justify, justifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness? Were we at fault? Where were we at flaw? What should we have done instead? We got all this down, hello, on paper and looked at it. Okay? In this way, we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. Now if you read the 12 in 12, it will tell you that instincts run rampant. is the cause of your problems in life. If you read the 12 and 12. And at some point in time, right now in our big book study, we're studying the 12 and 12 and we're correlating it with the big book. Because there are ways, very healthy good ways, rich ways that Bill enlarges upon what he wrote in the big books. And one of the things he does is he talks about sexual behavior in the 12 and 12, and he enlarges upon that theme. So we match it up. We match it up in our big book study. And it says here, we ask God, listen to this, we ask Gott to mold our ideals and help us live up to them. So if I've got to get this instinct, this instinct. Now, I hate to ruin anybody's life by telling you that sex is not love. Sex is an instinct. It's a nice instinct, but it's not love, you know? You can love. Now, it's nice if you have sex and love together. That's nice. That's like really nice, okay? But sex is not love. So, it is an instinct. And this instinct that drives you to sex, this instinct, it drives you into sex. It can go past instinct. It can goes to some absurd, absurd, past any reasonable thought destination. And we have to bring that instinct back into some reasonable level of control, if we're going to form that contact with God. So he tells us here in the fourth step that we ask God to mold our ideals and to help us live up to them. We remember always that our sex powers, our sex powers were God-given and therefore good. Neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed. So we have to bring that instinct back into some proper perspective. Okay? And I'm suggesting to you that this is another four-step prayer. It says here, we ask God to mold our ideals and help us live up to them. Now, I told you before as a kid and as a boy growing up in Catholic school and altar boy, it's hard for me to bring God into my sex life because I know that... See, I got 10,000 years in purgatory just for things I thought about doing. Now, I don't even know what the tally is on the things that I actually did. And when I'm reading in a book that I've got to bring God into molding my sex life, this does not compute. But it tells me in the book that you've got do this. We remember always that our sex powers are God-given. You see, and I came to believe that God gave me these powers. God gave Me a body. He gave Me parts. He gave me this instinct. And if I know God the way I've come to know God, God would not give me what He gaveme and then tell me don't use it. Don't use It. Here it is, but don't ever use it. You see, that's what they taught me in Catholic school. Don't even think about using it. I got 10,000 years of purgatory just based on the thoughts that I had. And I thought about it a lot. In fact, the less I did it, the more I thought about it. So, I came to believe that God said to me, you can use it, but you've got to use it in a certain way. Dignity and respect and understanding and caring and love. That's how I meant it, you know, as a display of what two human beings can do that is most God-like, that's shared a love that they have for each other. That's today's opinion. That's work in the steps. That's working the process. So, whatever our ideals turn out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be will to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In mediation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want it to. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble. This does not mean we are going to get drunk. Does this mean we're going to go to jail? If we're not going to be drunk, some people tell us so. But this is only half-truth. It depends on us and our motives. If, big word, if, if we are sorry for what we have done and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and we will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts of our existence. All right, to sum up about sex, we earnestly pray, fourth step prayer, fourth one, Fourth one. Two of them have to do with sex. To sum up about sex, we earnestly pray for the right ideal for guidance in each questionable situation. Now this is contrary. Believe me. Believe me, this is country to everything I ever learned. I ever learnt. What it's telling you in this book, if you have a sexual urge, you seek the counsel of God. That is contrary I would seek the council of the guys on the corner. I would not seek the counseling of God I would see the council the guys I work with I would not seek the counsel of God. What it's telling you in this book, if you want to know if you're doing the right thing, you ask God to tell you the direction of going. Okay? We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, for the strength, for sanity. Check it out. Check it Out. That subtle insanity starts to infiltrate one of the areas, all four areas. That will infiltrate your sense of peace and serenity, all four áreas. That subtle sanity. We pray for sanity and for the strength to do the right thing. You see, I was kind of guided that if I thought about it, I did it. And my sponsor Jack told me if I can just get you to stop doing the things that come into your mind, you're going to be okay. Because if I taught, I'd do it. That's it. You see? And I thought it was the mark of a man that if i did it and I got caught and I was willing to pay the price for it, well, that's okay. You know, that' s okay. And he just said, you know, don't do it! Don't do It! You know? That was hard. That was the hard part. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. Alright? Twelve-step work. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge when to yield would mean heartbreak. Now, benefit to step four down at the bottom of the page. Benefit to step 4 tells you, okay, if we have been thorough about our personal inventory, hello, we have written down a lot. We have listed, there it is again, and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have began to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies. For we look upon them as sick people. Watch out! Watch out!! We have lifted the people, there he is again. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. In this book, you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, step three, and an inventory, step four, of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so, you have swallowed in the dust of some big chunks of truth about you. Next chapter. Into debate. Chapter 6. This is the 1998 version of the big book. We changed it from into action into debate into arbitration into discussion we call it now. You know, we have sponsees that talk with their sponsor and they tell them, well, I'm not ready to do that. I don't think it's time. I don' t think I can handle that. You know, when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, you didn't get to say those things. You did what you were told. So, it's called into action. And here's the way it goes. Next chapter, we're talking about step five now. Alright, how do you know if you're ready for step five? Well, in this chapter here, He's going to tell you what you've been trying to do. If you've bee trying to d o that and you feel like you've done it, then you're ready to do step five. Having made our personal inventory, step four. What shall we do about it? Well, here's what we've been trying to do. We've been try to get a new attitude and a new relationship with our Creator and to discover the obstacles in our path. Now what it's been telling us in the book is that you've got this problem to which there's only one solution and that's a spiritual solution. And you're going to have to tap in somehow or another to that power, that infinite power source that is God. And you better find out what those obstacles are in your path. And if you go back, you go back to page, what is that, 64? Yes, page 64 in the second paragraph it tells you we did exactly the same thing in our lives. We took stock honestly. First we searched out the flaws in our makeup which had caused our failure. Being convinced that self manifested in various ways was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations. So what's been blocking you off? What are the obstacles in your path? That's the way that self has been manifesting itself in you, in your attitudes or in your behavior. We have admitted certain defects, obstacles, defects, flaws, character defects, whatever you want to call them. We have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is. My problem is not alcohol. My problem is Fred. What's Fred's behavior is my bigger problem. We have put our finger on the weak items in our inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. Step five. This requires action on our part which when completed will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the fifth step. So how do you know if you're ready? There it is. That's it. You've done these things. This is what you've been trying to do, and you're right there. You're ready. In actual practice, in the next paragraph, a couple of sentences in, in actual practice we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Why? Because I can sell myself anything. I can rationalize and justify. But it's important that we do this. Drop down a couple of sentences. It says if we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives, trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably, they got drunk. Drop down to the end of that paragraph. They only thought they had lost their egotism and fear. They only though they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we find it necessary until they told someone else all their life story. That's the way it works. Step five. Down at the bottom of the page. I'm sorry, let's go to 73 in the second paragraph. 73 in a second paragraph, it says, as fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension and that makes for more drinking. You know, what people do, what we do, what people don't do, what people have a bad experience in life, you stuff it. You stuff it! You just push it in. Push it in! Never going out! Never letting out! Every once in a while the tribes come out You get another bad experience You do the same thing with it I want to suggest to you that your mind That your spirit is like a container It can only hold so much It can ONLY hold so MUCH Charlie Betts Years ago he used to say No human being can withstand an ever increasing level of tension and anxiety Simple thought Something's going to give At some point in time Something's going to give. You can only put so much gas, so much propane gas in a container. Okay? Something's gonna give. So here we are. As fast as he can, he pushes down a memory that's far inside him. He hopes he'll never see the light of day. I'm never gonna think about this. Never gonna think About this again. Never gonna. And along comes Alcoholics Anonymous and they say you gotta get in there and get that stuff out. That's what's blocking you off from the sunlight of the Spirit. See, the sunlight or the Spirit isn't coming from out there. It's coming from in here and it can't get out until you let go of that stuff. And down at the bottom of the page it says, We must, we must, there's another must. We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. And that's what this step is about. Now when Bill wrote this book, there weren't anybody out there in the program that people could go to. So he goes on to tell you about how to find somebody to go to and do this fifth step with. You know, right now, if you have a big book sponsor, that's who you should do it with. You know? You should find somebody that understands in the programming and do these. You know, this fifth step. And it goes on to tell you in here that there's only one condition for postponing and that's if you can't find somebody. Now that really doesn't apply today because you can find somebody, you know? So let's go to page 75. Page 75, top of the page. It says, when we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. Do I need to explain that more? We need to put that through the AA bullshit sifter? don't worry about it one step a year you'll be fine don't worried about it we need to put that through here is that pretty clear when we decide who is the hero of our story we waste no time we have written uh oh here it is hold it we have a written inventory we put it on paper I do a fifth step every time I go out in a speaking commitment bullshit sister where is it okay we have it on paper. We are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we are about to do. And these are directions for people that don't know what's coming. Okay? Next paragraph. Next paragraph. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every, every, every, all of them, every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, there's more promises once we have taken this step we are delighted we can look the world in the eye we can be alone at perfect peace and ease our fears fall from us we begin to feel the nearness of our creator we may have had certain spiritual beliefs but now we begin to have a spiritual experience The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on a broad highway walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the universe. Let me go back, let me go Back. One of those promises, there's seven of them right there by the way, seven of them, that's how you know if you did this fifth step right, that is how you know, there are seven promises right there, check yourself out if you don't have those feelings. You know when people don't look in the eye, when you look people in the eye and they look away, you know they are hiding something, they are hiding something. There's something they're not dealing with. There's nothing they don't feel comfortable with because they cannot look you in the eye. It says here we can look the world in the eyes. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. There are people we know, maybe you're one of them, can't be alone. I identify, have you ever seen that chart that they show you when you're in treatment? The Jelnik chart shows you the decreasing spiral of alcoholism, how you come up to the other side. And one of those things going down on one side was nameless fears and anxieties. If you've ever seen the chart I ask you to pick out a point. Pick out a point on that chart. That's the point I picked out. Nameless fears and anxieties. I was afraid. I don't know what I was afraid of, but I was free. I was afraid. And I don' know what it was, but it was going to be bad when it happened. I was afraid didn't go away when I stopped drinking. Continued over when I was getting sober and I used to put, I used to go to sleep at night and I put baseball bat in the hallway. I put a hammer on the nightstand because when this guy broke in, I don''t know who was gonna break in. I don't who was gonna break in because I was a mean angry guy, but if somebody when they broke in I wanted to make sure that I had all this stuff strategically placed because in my mind. I had to fight and they'd spin around and we'd go down the hallway and I'd grab the bat and I hit them with the bat and then we'd roll onto the bed and I grabbed the hammer and I figured it all out in my life. So you see once you're sober up, sometimes the madness gets worse just because you're sobered up. You know? I'm talking about sober now. Okay? But I started doing the work and a fear fell from me. I don't know where the baseball bat is. I Don't know if we have one yet. We probably don't have it. You Know? We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator but here's the important one. Number five. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs before, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. And if you remember last night we were talking about the 12th step, or I don't know, maybe that was this morning, we said that 12 steps says having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. That means that somewhere previous to step 12, this spiritual awakening takes place. Well, I'm suggesting to you that it starts to take place somewhere between step 5 because it says right here we may have has certain spiritual believes, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. So somewhere between step 5 and the beginning of step 12, that spiritual awakening occurs. Think about it. What you've done is you've cleared out the mess. You've opened up the channel. You know, you've got all that stuff that you've been stuffing in there for years and you're allowing the sunshine of the Spirit, the sunlight of the spirit to come in. You're allowing a power to flow through you. So this awakening can happen somewhere between there and there. Okay? And we talked about this. I don't know when, last night or this morning. But this is what you do when you go home from that fifth step. When we go over to the top of page 76. The top of age 76. And we're going to, in two paragraphs, do two steps. Two paragraphs, two steps, all right? Two paragraphs two steps Here we are at the top page 76 If we can answer the questions to our satisfaction the questions that are listed down at the bottom of page 75. That's how you know if you did step five right. If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at step six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all, everyone? If we still cling to something, we will not let go. We ask God to help us until we are willing. That's it. That's it. That's it. How long does that take? God take away everything that stands in my path, being with you, letting the power flow through. How long can it take? How long can it take? You know? That's it. That's it. Ready? Do step six. Good? Ready. Anything that stands between me and you, God, take it away. Take it away. I am willing to let you have it. Now, if you're like me, you say, well, wait a minute. You know, does that mean I've got to be totally honest? See, I'm a salesman, and a saleswoman can't be totally honest. So do I have to lose money to get in touch with the sunlight or the Spirit? Then I can't really do this. You know? Yeah, that's what it means. You've gotto be totally honestly. That's what I mean. You've gotta be totally honesty. Anything that stands between you and God, you've gotta believe it. You've been least willing to let go of it. That's what it is. Whatever it is, whatever it is you're going to hang on to it there's going to be that much separation between you and God. And like Bill says he knows that alcoholics he likes to suck it in a little bit so he says you've got to be willing. Just be willing to let go. Just be willingly to let it go. Just be unwilling to let God. So we work on willingness. We ask God to help us until the willingness comes. That's it. That's It. Now we can go on for about 17 pages in 12 and 12 and talk about it and it makes really nice stuff to read But if you want to work the step, that's it. Get yourself willing. Willing. You know? Want to get willing? Ask God. Make me willing. God make me willing! That's it! Now I'm ready to do step seven because I'm willing. Oh, I've got to hurry up before I get unwilling again. Right? What would you do if you get unwilling? Get unwilling again! Ask Him! The Word! Alright, God make be willing. Okay, I'm read. Let's hurry up. Step seven. Step seven, second paragraph. When ready we say something like this. Seven-step prayer. Seventh step prayer. My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defective character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. God, grant me strength as I go out from here to do Your bidding. Amen. Next step. Next step! That's it. That's right. Sixth and seventh step. Done! Next. Next. Okay? Now, you lose the feeling in an hour or so. Go back and do it again. It doesn't say that you have to do this once and for all. You've got to swear on a stack of Bibles. You've Got to get candles out and kids and make a solemn oath. It just says you do this. Say the prayer. Say the Prayer. Alright? Third paragraph on page 76. Step 8 and 9. Step 8, 9. We're flying through this. If we don't watch out, we'll be sober before we leave here today. Oh, my God. Step 8 and 9. Now we need more action. Well, if you had a life like I have, I'm going to suggest that steps 6 and 7 require a lot of action. It's mental, but it's action because you're going to have to do it over and over and over again. I was in somebody's office one day and they had a little rock on their desk. And it said, turn it over. I turned it over, you know what it said on the other side? Leave it over. So I turn it back. And when I turn it back, you know what it said? Turn it over! Do you get it? Turning it over is not the problem. Leaving it over is the problem if you're like me every time I turn it over, that's no problem, give it to God, okay. Three miles down the road, I take it back! Why? I've been doing so well for the last three miles. I can handle it now, I got it now God, relax. Just sit back in a co-pilot seat. I'll take it from here, God. Turning it over is no problem. Leaving it over ist the problem. Alright? I've got to get me one of those rocks. So, if you've got problems like I've gotten and you turn it over, leave it over. If you don't leave itover, turn itover again. Maybe sometime you're going to turn that rock over and it will just not have anything on the other side. And you'll be done. Now we need more action. Without which we find that faith without works is dead. Let's look at steps 8 and 9. We're going to take a break at about 4 o'clock and then we're going to have a short break and then come and finish up. Just so you know what we're doing. And then we are done, right? Because the comedian is not here. Now we need more action. What if she played a joke on us and didn't show up? Now we needs more action without which we find that faith without works is dead. Let's take a look at steps eight and nine. We have a list. More evidence. We have a list of all the persons we have harmed. I always get a real tickle when I go to meetings and we go in here and people come in and they walk in and they say, I'm working on my eighth step list. I'm having trouble. I'm walking on my eighth step list." Let's read the book. It says, "...we have a lists of all persons we've harmed to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. Same list. Same list, you don't need a new list. This is why you've got to write it down. See, if you write it, you can keep it. Write it down and keep it." We hear all these great stories around Alcoholics Anonymous about people that wrote down their inventory then went out in the yard and burned it with their sponsor. They stopped reading the book. They stopped readin' the book at a point because it tells you here, keep the list. You're going to need it when you do your tenth step. There are no new people on here. Those people that you had problems with over these things are probably, for the most part, all the same people you've got to go back and make some amends to. So keep the list. So it says, we have a list of all the persons we harm and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. You may add to that list, but basically they're the same person. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our efforts to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember, it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol. Alright? That's where you are. This is the eighth step we're talking about now. Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have hurt, we may feel diffident about going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some people, we need not and probably should not emphasize the spiritual approach. Next page. We might prejudice them at the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. Alright? Step 8. Step 8 Step 8. We're going to jump to the next page. The next page, step 8. Step 8, what are you saying in step 8? What is step 8 ? Page 59 will tell you what step 8 is. Step 8 made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends. So if you've got a person on that list, you've gotta work on yourself till you get willing. How do you make yourself willing? You ask God to help you be willing. Alright, step eight, you're done. Now you've got to actually go make some amends. Remember I told you about that lady? You know, we talked about that Lady and my sponsor made me go apologize to her and by making me apologize to Her I don't talk about Her anymore. That's what this deal is about. Gamblers Anonymous. If anybody ever been to Gamblers anonymous you know Gamblers anonymously you owe people money and what they have is what they call a sit-down. And you go to a sit down with the rest of the members of the group and you share with the other members all the money that you owe No matter who it's to. Bookies, no matter who it's too. Loan sharks, no matter who it's too. You share with them all the money that you owe. They make up a payment plan. They make contacts for you and you make those payments. Even the bookies, even the loan sharks, you make those payments. Now it's a real temptation to say screw them. Just screw them. Let them kill me. I can worry about it. I can enjoy that resentment, anger, fear. I can enjoy that. I can thrive on that. But you pay them back, you pay him back because if you pay him back, you'll never do it to yourself again. That's why you pay me back. That's what this is about. Making amends. Making amens. Most of the people have written you off anyway. People I owe money, two thousands of dollars, they wrote me off. They got a tax credit. You know, they wrote me off." I ain't paying them for them. I'm paying them for me. I'm payment for me." I resented every dime I ever paid IRS. Eleven thousand dollars I owed IRS. I owed them. I hadn't filed. I didn't file. I declared myself exempt. I said, I'm exempt. I'm exemplary. I'm not exempt. I don't have to pay taxes. I was wrong. Everybody pays taxes. Went in to see the guy and I said I'm except. He said, no you're not. No you're nicht. And we will take your salary every payday until you finish paying us. And they did. And I got through that. Okay? so I went to people and I made arrangements and I paid those people what I could pay those people and I don't owe anybody today if I owe anybody, I don's know that I owe anyone today and there have been people that came up out of my past that I owed money to that I didn't know I owed and I didn' t remember it and I did that and I dont owe anybody any money today because I don' t ever want those feelings again And that's what this is about, making restitution. Not only to people for money, but for other things that we did to them. You know, I am the best father I can be today. I am in the best husband I can beat a pet. And that makes up for what I did to my ex-wife because she doesn't want any part of me. And that is because of what I do to her. But I can make that right in the world by putting in what I can put in. So I put that in by being good to this woman here. Okay? So I talk about those things with my sponsor. I did go to see my ex-wife in trying to make a restitution and do this stuff. And I went to her, and I said to her... I said, Pat, you know, if I ever... Listen to this. If I ever did anything to hurt you, I'm sorry. There was a list. I mean, I was sure this girl had a list, she probably had a computer-generated list that was reams. If I never did it... My sponsor said, you've got to be specific. You've got be like, specific? I don't even remember half the stuff that she's still mad about. And she said to me, like what? And the one thing I could think about was one night that I embarrassed her. And I told her about that and she said, I'd forgotten about that. Oh God, now that's on a list too. And that was the one that really bothered me. I can only imagine the things that she's got on the list. Anyway, it tells you here that most alcoholics owe money. Page 78 in the second paragraph. We do not dodge our creditors. We do NOT dodge them. Telling them what we are trying to do. We make no bones about our drinking. They usually know it anyway. Whatever we think or whether they think so or not. Nor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on a theory that may cause financial harm. I've got to tell you, IRS, anybody else that I've set up payments with, that I have done over the years to make amends, they've all been really indulgent. They've been understanding. IRS, we set up a payment plan, and I failed to meet that payment plan. And that's why they took my salary until I paid the bond. But they did set up an agreement with me. They set up the payment plan in the beginning. And the idea that we hear today in the news about a kinder, softer IRS just really doesn't compute. But maybe that's true. I'm sure they were pretty decent with me I had to bring in everything that I owed and pay stubs, and they told me what I would pay. And it was a reasonable number. The reason they took my salary until I paid them off was I failed to make a payment. All right? It says at the bottom of that paragraph, we must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. You see, if I can hide, if you see me, if I don't have to deal with one person, then I'm probably going to repeat. But if I go to everybody and make this right, believe me, I don' t want to do this again. I don''t want to doing it again. So I will do the best I can to not have to do it again." Alright, step 9. It takes about 8 or 9 pages if we go through this. But you go over to page 78. Page 78. And I'm not going to read the whole thing. But let's go over page 78 to the top of the page. It says, Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be. And I love that line because I was so afraid of that because what was in my head was way far worse than anything that ever happened to me in doing this step. And I remember a while back reading about a Marine Corps sergeant. His name was Lone Tree. He was Apache Indian. And he was a sergeant in the Marine Corps, and he was stationed at the Russian embassy, at the American embassy in Moscow. And if you know anything about Sergeant Lone Tree, he fell in love with a Russian woman and she was a spy. And she used him. She used him and his position at the embassy to get into the embassy and have other spies get access and they stole top secret documents from the American Embassy. And Sergeant Lune Tree was not suspected because he had a war record It was unparalleled, and he was a Marine's Marine. He was a lifer, and they had no idea who was the leak in the embassy. And Sergeant Lone Tree turned himself in. He turned himself In because it was not right. He was not the Marine that he thought he should be, so he turned himself Iin. And on a front-page cover of Time magazine, there was a picture of Sergeant Lune Tree, a man that I personally admire. I think he was stupid, but I admire him. There was a picture of Sergeant Lone Tree in his dress blues and he had a black eye because time was saying that Sergeant Lrone Tree gave the Marine Corps a black eyed. Well, I want to applaud Sergeant Lhone Tree because here's a man who stood up and said I did wrong and I'm going to make it right. I'm gonna make it righ. And he lost all the time that he had in service. He lost his pension and standing in the Marine Corp and he was dishonorably discharge, but he made it right. So it tells me in the book, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be. Sergeant Lone Tree. Next page. Next page, the fourth paragraph on that page, this is a story about a lawyer that created a problem for another attorney and he did the same kind of thing. In the fourth paragraph, he says he saw that he had to place the outcome in God's hands or he would soon start drinking again and all would be lost anyhow. And this is a guy that stood up in church one Sunday and told everybody in church what he had done to this other attorney, how he had defamed him. And he just turned over the outcome of the event so that he could be free of the guilt that he felt. That's another example of Jonah Annie Lentz. Next page. Next page the next page it says in that first top of the page after a few years with an alcoholic a wife gets worn out resentful and uncommunicative how could she be anything else the husband begins to feel lonely and sorry for himself he commences to look around in nightclubs and a little bit of temptation comes in and down at the bottom of that paragraph a man so involved often feels very remorseful at times especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. If we are sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think. If she knows in a general way, we have been wild, should мы tell her in detail? Undoubtedly, we should admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all the particulars. She will want to know, probably will wantto know. She will wanna know who the woman is and where she is. We feel we ought to say to her that we have no right to involve another person. and we are sorry for what we have done, and God willing it shall not be repeated. Well, you better make it a little stronger than that. It will never, this will never happen again. More than that we cannot do. We have no right to go further. Though there may be justifiable exceptions, and though we wish to lay down no rule of any sort, we have often found this the best course to take. Our design for living is not a one-way street. It is as good for the wife as it is for the husband. If we can forget, so can she. It is better, however, that one does not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent her jealousy. All right? And it goes on to tell you in the next paragraph that each should pray about it. In the next paragraphe. Now, let's go down to the next 82 second paragraph. If we have no such complication, there is plenty we should do at home. Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home life if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated, passing all understanding as the patience mothers and wives have had with alcoholics. Had this not been so, many of us would have no homes today, would perhaps be dead. The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. And I was suggested to me that if your home is in turmoil, you should go looking inside yourself for selfish and inconsiderate habits that create that. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of the cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife he remarked, don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't a grand, ain't a gran, the wind stopped blowing. and we're going to stop there and take a short break and when we come back we're gonna talk about the rest of the steps to work we'll finish up ready go back to work step 10 step 10 Step 10, we're on page 84. Step 10. This thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. The idea here is that you've already straightened out the mess. Now you're going to immediately straighten out anything else that happens. All right? But it says we continue to take personal imagery and continue the set right and a new mistake says we go long. We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. So, we do those two things at once. Alright? We go on with step 10 and we start setting right any new problems, but we also continue to clean up the paths because maybe you're not able to find all those people that you know amends to in step 9, but you got that list and you're carrying it around and you are willing that when you find them you're going to do this so you don't have to finish that list to go onwith step 10. Alright? So it tells you, we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered a world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. And there are people around the program that say that steps 10, 11, and 12 are maintenance steps. They're maintenance steps, and I want to disagree with that. I don't think they're maintenance tips because if you look at the word maintenance, It means maintain. And these steps are not steps in which you maintain. They're steps that allow you to continue to grow. So they're not necessarily maintenance steps. Now, they will help you to not lose what you got. And if that's what you mean by maintenance, then that's okay. But you don't want to stay where you are. You want to keep getting as much out of this thing as you can. So we have entered into the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for a lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. It gives you four main things to look for. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code. Now, we did go through those things at the bottom which are more promises. We did go though those. So they continue on over and there are about nine more promises which you use to measure whether or not you've done step 10 right. Alright? Down on page 85. 85 in the first full paragraph. It says, It is easy to let up on a spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. It's called alcoholism, not alcohol-wasm. Alright? So it is a current state. Now also when you have that suffix on a word and it's ism, it usually means that suffix ism means a belief in. So we had a belief in alcohol. Okay? We are now cured of alcoholismo. Alright? Now that answers that question that we had last night. Are we recovered or are we recovering? Well, we're recovering from alcoholism, but we're recovered from a state of hopeless mind and body because now we've got hope again. Okay? So, we are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into our lives and our activities. How can I best serve thee? This is the 10th step prayer. Remember I told you there's 27 prayers in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. This is what's called the 10 step prayer short one. How can I best serve thee? Thy will not mine be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. So here's the proper use of willpower and if you got your 12 and 12 you can go to page 40 you can go to page 40 in the 12 and 12 and it will tell you the proper use of willpower alright where is it page 40 in the twelve and twelve it says our whole trouble had been the misuse of will power we had tried to bombard our problems instead of attempting to bring them into agreement with God's intentions for us It is when we try to make our will conform with God's will that we begin to use it rightly. Proper use of willpower. Okay? So, two places. Bill had that thought consistently over 15 years. Alright, next paragraph, page 85. Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If, big if, if we have carefully followed directions, We have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent, we have become God-conscious. We have began to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further, and that means more action. All right? Step 11. Step 11, now, we've done step 10. You know, we'd done it. Okay? You've done it! Step 10 is continue to take personal inventory when we are promptly admitted. It's an ongoing process. It's something you're doing all the time. Okay? So, step 11. Step 11, suggest prayer and medication. Is that what it suggests? Sought through prayer and meditation. I would say sought through prayer and meditation to increase our conscious contact with God. Alright, we shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite, valuable suggestions. Okay? And what you're going to see here in the next few paragraphs, in the last paragraph is a prayer that you should say at night. In paragraph two, you're gonna see a prayer that you say in the morning. In paragraph three, you gonna see a prayer that you can say when indecision strikes. On the next page, you're going to see how to conclude meditation. The bottom of the page, you're gonna see another prayer that tells you how to get through today. So we're gonna read them so you know them, you hear them, you know where they are. All right? They're on page 86. All right, so let's talk about the night prayer. When we retire... Now, how do we know it's a night prayer? It says, when we retire at night. All right. Pretty clear. All right! We constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others? Now, what can we do for other people is important because that's how you enlarge and perfect your spiritual life. So they're saying, are you doing a little check here? Are you working on your spiritual life? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what мы could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection. For that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. Pretty clear directions. Page 86 in the first paragraph of the prayer at night. Alright, prayer in the morning. Page 86. Second paragraph. On awakening. That's how we know it's in the morning. On awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for today. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives, which makes us focus on other people. Under these conditions, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us our brains to use. Our thought life would be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. Alright? Page 86, second paragraph. Third paragraph. What do you do when indecision strikes? Well, I don't know. As alcoholics and drug addicts, do you ever have indecisions? Do we need to go over this? Should we talk about this? Or do you all know exactly what to do every given moment? You know, certainly I did when I was drinking. But when I stopped drinking, I was plagued by indecision. Mental paralysis. I was plague by the paralysis of analysis. Well, let me think about it for a while. Opportunities would zip by while I thought about it. Well, Bill knew that alcoholics would be plagued by mental paralysis and the paralysis of analysis, so he included here a prayer. In thinking about our day, we may face... We may face. How kind. We may facethe indecisiveness. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration and intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption and all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. Next paragraph, how to conclude your period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through today what our next step is to be. That we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will. God, remove from us the bondage of self. We ask to be released from freedom, especially for free will. Freedom from self will. We are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are fearful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why. Down at the bottom of the page, the last paragraph on page 87. What to do as you go through today. Alright, now I told you in a book in the beginning, later on, clear-cut directions will be given. Here they are. Page 87, down at the top. Down at bottom. As you go though today. Now how do you know you're supposed to use this as you goes through today? Well, it says in the book, as you gosough through today, we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, Thy will be done. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, and foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. Let's talk about that for a minute. Did you ever hear that? Did you never do that? You've got that mind just running, running, running. Well, if she says, I'll say it. If he says, and they saw me doing that, I'll tell them this. And if he said, well, I want it so this is... And you're mentally exhausted trying to figure out all the possible things write all the scripts for all the possible people and know what you're going to say if and when those things happen. And you go to bed at night and you are just mentally exhausted because you've used up all your mental energy trying to figure it out, trying to make sure that you get what it is that you want to have. Alright? And what it tells you here in the book, when you start living your life and saying, well, your will, not mine, you've got all of that mental energy available to use in your life. You don't have to be running your brain all the time. And I've come to believe, I've been sober long enough, I believe it's going to work out the way God wants it to work out anyway. So the sooner you get in tune with that, the sooneryou start living your life so you let go and just let it happen because He's God. It's goingto happen the way He wants it to happen. You know? You're probably not going to have much to say about it. You may be able to stop it, but you ain't going to be able to stop it forever. get out of the way let it happen and you find that you've got all kinds of mental energy in fact when you are working you're working a lot better than you ever worked in your life before because you're not trying to run the whole show so I like this we're not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange things and when I go out speaking I like to talk and I talk to people at commitments and I quote the big book you know and I was speaking this time and I don't know where we were. I think we were in Kansas City when we were talking this time and this little girl got up and she was from California and her name was Patty and she got up there and she said, boy, Fred's really impressive. You can quote the big books. She said, but I don' t know anything about the big book. She said I only know one quote from the big one. And she said I don''t even know where it is but I remember it and this is what it says right next on page 88. It works. It really does. And I'm going to suggest to you if that's the only thing you know about the big book, that's an important quote. Because it works. It really does. Now me being the kind of guy I was, I had to go up to her and tell her it was page 88. I had let her know that I knew where it was. Of course, that was after I ran upstairs and looked it up because I didn't remember that.