The Common Solution and the Vital Spiritual Experience – Joe M.

My name is Joe, and I'm definitely an alcoholic. Through God's grace, it came into my life as a result of this wonderful program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And the wonderful people in this fellowship, it hasn't been necessary for me to take a drink today, nor have I found it necessary to take any drink or any mood-changing drug since March 10th of 1962. It is good to be here. i would like to thank the committee and everyone was involved for getting us here this has been a kind of a special weekend that we've looked forward to it's beginning of our vacation and it was very timely that we could come through nashville on the way to louisville which we do each summer to visit the grandkids has been kind of a special couple weeks for Lubell and I because this is the first summer we've had our older grandson with us. And we've spoiled him good and had a big time and on our way home with him. They say in AA Talk we tell a little bit like about what it was like and what happened and what it's like now and I hope tonight I won't get into lengthy about how it was for me i um noticed when we began the meeting i didn't have wasn't a big book on the podium and i had packed mine somewhere and in the haste to get into the meetings i hardly ever come to a meeting without the big book and lubelle looked at me because she knew i had one and i said uh-uh inadvertently just before i i came down i said i know it'll be one downstairs It always worked out that way. How it was for me, I know it's necessary that we discuss a little bit about how it was so we can identify with each other and this is one of the great parts of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't know if I would be here tonight if it wasn't for that story about Bill where I could identify with Bill. And it's a wonderful part of our fellowship. It also may be necessary to discuss a bit about who it is now so there is some new person here but i think one of the most important things we need to discuss in a talk is how this program works because regardless of where we are in life that all of us can better live by learning more about how to apply these wonderful steps and this program to our lives sometimes i think you know that you know we talk about the waste of the problem with alcoholism i think the greatest waste we talk about the people out there in this drinking but i really like thinking maybe sometimes the greatest waste of program i've heard anonymous are those up who are who are in this program you know we have gotten this problem we got off alcohol which is really not the purpose of the whole program and we have failed to grow we don't realize the wonders of powers within the 12 steps of the problem of our hearts now that we have within our hand the ability to live better and to be happier than most people on the face of this earth i really never like to make a talk until i fill myself with god's grace and i know tonight that i'm standing here with a way of life that i didn't know existed and tonight truly i know a little bit about heaven and that's a mighty powerful statement for a man to say that he can live on the face of this earth and know a littlebit about him through a gift from god unwarranted a gift that i didnt deserve um as i said uh my home's in louisville kentucky and i was born there and i i think about it all the time i really was never happy anywhere in my life that i came to fellowship of alcoholics and armors don't care where i was you know over the long haul i never was satisfied even as growing up i uh i never did like my status in life we were come from a poor family east in the low i never didn't like my role in life i didn't realize that everybody else was poor. They wasn't complaining. You know, when you're poor and you don't know no difference, you know that's all right. It should be all right, but I laugh about it this. Look back on myself growing up. Back in those days, it was different. The proud people, the poor people were proud. It's a different breed of poor people in those day. We were poor and proud to be poor. You know, we wouldn't take a hand out from anybody. And I remember we would go to school and on a good day I had a peanut butter sandwich. That was a good thing. That was the good day. I think the whole world was made out of apple butter. You know you'd get a gallon for a nickel in those days. And it would be wrapped in some bread paper. And I don't remember the other, there were some other kids that were in our class and we used to, we'd go to the lunchroom and they were on relief. That's what they had in those days, the old days. I don't know if any of y'all remember the relief. But these kids are on relief, they got a good hot lunch. But they had to set at a separate table and go to a separate group and they would get this hot lunch and they'd go over there and eat. And you know how devilish kids are, we would always make fun of those kids that were on release. They were getting a good high lunch and I was eating apple butter saying I was making fun of them. and you know how everything goes around comes back though it's very peculiar now how the people on welfare make fun of me for going to work so I really you know but back in those days I know what it was as we grew up I know a lot of uncomfortable moments in my life as a child I know as I look back on it so much I know there must have been some pleasant things and holidays but i remember the pain i remember that remember always all my life i typically always compare myself with someone else and i always came up short so i didn't i didn' know this i didn''t know a thing about living and i didn ''t know i always had problems growing up about 19 years old i was induced to alcohol and like many many speakers we say i remember my first drink i talked to a lot of alcoholics I talked to a lot of alcoholics who remember their first drink. They don't remember their first Pepsi-Cola, Dr. Pepp. But they sure remember their first drinking. I truly do. I remember my first drink Little did I know there would be quite a few years before I could find out what was going on in my life but I began right there I pursued this great relief that alcohol gave me. It probably gave me some relief that I needed and I often wondered you know, probably if I hadn't found alcohol what would have happened to my life? Maybe I would have grown up hard way and possibly you know it could cause me some some other problems in my life but that night i took that drink for the first time in my wife i experienced that sense of ease and comfort that came with taking a few drinks of alcohol and i pursued that release i know alcohol in the first it did some things for me it allowed me probably to do some things i've never been able to do but then it began to take some things out of my life i got married and uh this didn't last for about five years we were divorced two small children and i i had moved to indiana so i decided i came back to kentucky to louisville kentucket i had a father there and i my father was up in age my father's uh about 40 some years old when i was born and so he was a man of an age and and i don't know i was i'm all i see a lot work still work with alcoholics, and they haven't changed too much. I always got interested in my family when I got broke. Whenever I got broken, I become a family man. And when things got tougher on me, I would say, well, that's not right. You ought to go home and see your father. That's not doing at all. After all, he's up in age. And so I would come back to Louisville and embarrass him, lose a job, stay there for a while, and get into some kind of trouble. And then I would finally leave you know it's very peculiar my father he as he his past about 10 years ago god let him see me find a good life in the program of alcoholics anonymous and we did have a great relationship in the twilight of his life but my father was a was a man of wisdom and to me and today the things he said still grow in my life he's still alive in my light and so like will rogers said it seemed like the older i got the smarter my father seemed to get you know but back in those days i was slick which is not intelligent by any way uh but i had all the answers and in those ways you know he was i was a college man and he was just had been by college let's put it that way and to me he was just a little old dumb man with a fourth grade education but you know i was sober a couple years before i figured out what he was doing to me. I would stay around there and embarrass him and lose a few jobs. Whenever I got ready to, you know, things got bad on me, I'd say, I'm not doing any good in this town. He would always lend me money to leave. You know, I was home about two years before I figured that out. So I would, he would lend me the money and I'd leave and I would get in bad shape and I had to come back and forth. I spent about two or three years doing this. Yeah, I see a lot of people in the program with Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, that say they come into the program and have some problems. And they went along and then they begin to have problems with alcohol. It was very peculiar when I came to AlcoholicsAnonymous. You know, the guy asked me the first day I saw him around, he said, Joe, how long have you been having problems? I said, oh, the last couple of years. And as time went on, you knew, they would ask me, after about six months they asked me, I was getting longer. I said four or five years may have quite a problem. Finally, after about a year or a year and a half or so, one guy said, Joe, how long did you have a problem with alcohol? I said, man, I never could drink. It just took me that long to figure it out. I never would drink. That's the only thing they say practice makes perfect. The only thing I worked at got worse. I never couldn't drink. Never could drink." So I began to travel, and I was back and forth and back and fourth, and I had gotten off, and even I had a spark of decency in me, at this point i couldn't just subject myself i had been there with my father had been gone two or three weeks and things just fell apart for me real quick i couldn's eject myself back on him again so i had a sister in little rock so i said now there is one you haven't seen for a long time that's not right treating her that way after all and i hadn't seen her for about six years she'd been off to college down there so this is the way i came to little rock arkansas and it'll rock my home now, and it will rock my life and my work. You know, I think that, you know, they're talking about in my father's house there are many mansions. And God has some great people. And I think that at times, you know in the last years I begin to feel you know that that God has given me his ultimate gift. Not only the gift of a new life as we all find the program of Alcoholics Anonymous but a purpose for that life. You know, each and every one of us was created by God, and a creator creates something for a purpose. And the happiest a man ever be able to face this earth is fulfill the purpose of his creation. And so I realized, you know, that then possibly God came into my life not because he liked me, but because he loved me. And it talks about that he left in 99 and came after the war. And surely this reigns clear in my ears, because at this time I didn't realize I didn' t come to Arkansas just because to see my sister. I became with Arkansas because God was working in my life to bring me to a place and to some people that would show me this new way to live. Well, it didn' d look like the beginning of much of America when I arrived in Little Rock that morning on the Greyhound Bush. I met a guy not so long ago in Oklahoma, I believe it was, at a conference last year. And he induced me because we had so much in common. He said, I was just behind you in all the places you traveled. And he said, I told him I'd heard your tape and I just wanted to introduce you because, man, we were right together. I was about six months behind you in every place you went. The only thing we had in common, he said you said you rode the Greyhound and I was on the trailway. But, you know, I'm the Greyhouse bus man. And I got off the bus there at the Greyhound bus station there in Little Rock to find my new way of life. And I traveled just like that, I see drunks every day as I work with them and they still travel the same way. Same accommodations. I had a little suitcase about that long and it wasn't too crowded when I got to town. And for some reason or another all drunk suitcases got to be tied up one end with a necktie. You know both latches never work on them drunk suit cases. Not so long, about a year or so ago, I was going to St. Louis last, I think last spring, and I was all upset because I had gotten out early at the airport and I had packed. And I was on the plane thinking, did I get my big book? Did I get all this? And did I gets this? And did it get in? I was really upset, and then I had to go smile. I said, hell, man, it was so easy with that Greyhound bus and that paper sack. But you know, this is the way I came to Little Rock, and I went to my sister's there, and you'd have to really know her personally to appreciate this part of the story. But she has just been a silent little citizen all her life, a great person. My mother, we were raised with beautiful people, and it seemed like it took on her. She was a big worker in the church since she was just a child. And she has a beautiful voice, and she took music, I think, started taking voice when she was 12. She plays the organ and piano. They've been very active in the church, and she's an organist in the Church. Has been since she was just a young lady. So she was an organista in this little church, and she had married and had a husband who was a lay speaker in our church. And they were very active people in the churches. I don't know, this is a bad place for drunks to end up with them kind of people. You know, I don' t know how we get thrown in with those kind of peopIe. And they would get up every Sunday morning, you know, doing this bit, and I was trying to lay in there from Saturday night. And it was kind of embarrassing. They had two young kids, and even, you know, we do have a streak of decency down inside. So finally one Sunday morning they sounded like they were threatening me, so I wasn't contributing too much to the household, so I decided to go to church with them. Now thank God, you now, God works through people. This is the only way God is sure that we're here at the results of people in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and people in our life. One of the first persons that God placed in my life was Lou Bale. And remember, Lou Bell was in the choir at this little church. We still belong to the same church. Lou Bell's in the choir at this old church. And she tells it very differently than I do, but that's her idea of it. But you know, I can see I had a good camouflage because I had the lay speaker and the organist. And I think she was kind of overwhelmed with this nice-looking young man at that time that came to the church. And you know how we alcoholics operate by selling fast conversations to them slow-thinking Al-Anons. So I didn't let her think too much, you know. We met there at church and we got married in about three months. And I tell you, she really didn't know what she was getting. I mean, it was kind of a blind situation. And, you Know, I always was a celebrator, so I stocked in a pretty good supply of liquor. It wasn't Christmas holidays and I sat there drinking and I remember she didn't say too much you know during the holidays it was Christmas Eve we were married on Christmas Eve and Christmas I was a drinker but Monday she went to work you know I didn't go to work you know that guy said I always was a go-getter I took her to work and went and got her but she she went on to work and uh she went out to work Monday she came home I was sitting there drinking and on about Tuesday she went into work and I was sitting there drinking and I and I really that's one thing about them they might learn slow but when they start learning boy they come on facts yeah and i could see i started waking up she actually woke up too quick on me i think it'd take about six months to wake up she woke up in about three days of what she had there and after about a week's drinking you know i i made my first trip to the old state hospital now that was quite an idea and i realized you know that alan plays a great part in my life today the pains and the problems and all the hurts that i carried through bell food a short time before I came to the program. I know how she felt after one week, one week of marriage and she went to church that Sunday and someone said, how's marriage life? She said, that food was in the nuthouse already. She didn't be anywhere. And I was, I was the smartest guy in the nut house. I remember walking around there helping some of those other crazy people. You know, this wasn't any detox wards back in this time in Arkansas. There weren't any drying out places for alcohol. And I don't know, uh, i guess god got you know moved me just in time i think god knew what was good for me i work with alcoholics every day and i want things to be better for the alcoholic but i'm glad they didn't have all the fancy places like they got now because they detoxed me to death i'd still been laying a good treatment just didn't help me too much and they put me in this place and you know it was nuts i mean it was he had a sign up arkansas insane asylum that's what it was uh recently they had a toast, a roast for my birthday. It was all surprising me in Little Rock and I don't know everybody looked like an AA was there. And I think one of the greatest things I ever, honors I ever had in AA, they presented me with a picture of this old state hospital that's been torn down many years and I really treasure that thing. But I remember it talks about the insanity of alcoholism and the step two of the problem of Alcoholics Anonymous and so many, many times we talk about the insanity of alcoholism is talked about the crazy things we do when we drink well i hear people talking about that in the fellowship but i know i always try to remind people the second step comes after the first step and you're supposed to stop drinking before you take the first steps so that man's supposed to be sober when he talks about restoring to sanity it's talking about the state of the mind preceding the first trait and i know that i was insane i was in the right place but I got out there and I continued to drink and I was a traveling drunk you know I them greyhound buses I just some guys drinking gamble some guys drink and chase women I drank and travel every time I took a drink I had to be somewhere else you know just something like I had To Be Somewhere Else I wasn't like Brian you know how could get further away than that but I would I would do Lou Bell would go to work I'd be sober two or three weeks and she'd come home and all my clothes would be gone. And I'd get away, and I'd get in trouble, get sick, and lose my job, make a little money, and blow it all, and finally, as soon as I got sick and broke, I'd say, that's not right. You ought to go home and see your wife. And I'd come home, and she had a resentment. Ain't that awful? After all, I just come home to see her. So I was in one of these occasions that God placed another guy a little guy in my life is in kansas city a little guy named van and by this time you know i i had i was a waiter and i could travel all the country and make a living cook do everything else to make a live had a guy come to me once since i've been working with alcoholics these last years and he had a scheme to make some money out some get some kind of government grant and he told me he said well joe i want set up a program to train alcoholics. I told him, hell, man, you starve to death. He said, what do you mean? I said, hell all of them I know is over-trained, you know. I don't ever see one need no training. That's the way I was. You know, I had to, I was over-trained just to make it. So I went on down in Kansas City and I would, uh, I would wait, hey, when I would go, just pick a bar at night and then, uh... And morning drinking was a part of my life so that morning i went to the bar about six o'clock it wasn't anybody there but a few winos and i wasn't a wino unless my money said wine ever occasionally i was kind of guy would drink wine out of scotch box but you know this uh these winos were trying to get their money together to get a pint of wine and after all you know i always did help my fellow man so i lowered myself to drink with him i think it was three or four of them and i bought a pint wine and in this particular bar and customs do change from bar to bar uh our town to town they wouldn't allow the winos to have the bottles they would you know pour the wine up you've all a pint you had to order give me a pint on three or pint on four and that meant a pint with four glasses or three glasses and they would pour this girl would pour it up in the glass and i never shall forget her i don't know why i remember her name so well maybe because of incident her name was lucille and lucille could pour this wine and when she started one glass when she finished she just threw the bottle in the barrel and all these glasses would be perfectly level because all the winos used to you know talk about how great lucille there was at pouring this wine because she didn't have to repeat of course nothing is perfect for us alcoholics but after she finished all the whiners would get out and look at them you know Sometimes they would vote or hold a conference, you know It was quite an ordeal And I just stood there, you now, watching all this And finally, they did decide that one glass Did have a hair more than the other And classy people as they were They would give that to the guy who bought Class So I was staring there We began to talk in a little band And little Van, I've been back in Kansas City, and I guess I haven't been able to locate Van, but that man was a great part of my life. I had been to the psychiatrist and to the state hospital and all these people. I had a lot of well-meaning, educated people to discuss my drinking. That morning, I was standing at that bar. A van said, Joe, you know, you're a pretty nice guy. Oh, hell, I knew that. He was getting my attention. And he says, you are a lot different from me and a lot more rest of these guys down here on the street. Well, I know that too. But then he said, Joe, you drank it too much. And I heard him. For the first time in my life, I heard another human being. I didn't hear the doctor and the psychiatrist. But I heard Van because Van had something they didn't have. Van had a problem himself. It took me about four or five days, and I remember this thing. I left that bar and just began to eat away at me very slowly. I think this is when the seed was sowed. and about less than a week you know i was able to stagger out of kansas city took me i tried every day i'd get drunk and finally i just went to the bus station bought a ticket got on the bus i didn't have much whatever i had i left there and i came back to little rock because i knew you know that i had a problem but i didn'T know the exact nature of my problem i knew my problem was alcohol and therefore I failed but I came home to quit drinking and I quit and people told me all my life as soon as if you quit everything gonna be alright let me tell you it wasn't I didn't have a drink for nine months I know today you know I was just like a lot of people walking around with an untreated case of alcoholism which is about the worst thing in the world and I stayed busy and I did all the things that people told me to do it I'd ever heard in Lubell I remember a little bell told me said why don't you know something about the little she had a little home where when I married it would I didn't have nothing they needed painting and she said you know somebody needs painting I said hell get some paint I think if she bought the paint not painting she would just tickle death with me doing something man how couldn't cut the grass I wouldn't do nothing The drinking was a full-time thing for me. I didn't have time for them sideline things like cutting grass and doing all that stuff. And She, finally after I finished she was so tickled to death She said something about the inside and I said well hell that ain't no sweat. Get some paint. I did some paint, did the house over inside man by that time she was doing doing this She really thought she had something going. I'll laugh about that now the pro of alcoholics now if I stayed on that program 20 years I'd probably pay every damn house in Little Rock. But, you know, it worked pretty good. After I got everything all paid up, you know what happened. Finally one morning, and the day came in my life, you know. And I know today that I'm very blessed. I'm sehr blessed that for the first 100, very blessed for the other people in Alcoholics Noms, particularly the first 200 people who laid down their lives. They put their lives, they put their experiences down on paper for me. and I was able to associate the experiences in their lives with the things that was taking place in my life when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous you know one of the greatest release of my life when I was when I read about when the day will come when we don't have a defense against this first drink I was unable to associate this experience in this book with the experiences that had taken place in my light and you know I took a drink and I remember I came back after about six weeks of drinking, I was sitting on the bar one morning. And I didn't have any work in conception of God. Of course, I had been brought up in church and all this, but all this was shot to hell, and it never did, never was a work of conception, and for me. So I didn' t know too much about God. But sitting on that bar that morning, Saturday morning march 10 1962 i gave up on me i gave it up for me and i think that's what this program is all about by giving up on me you know around the problem of alcoholics enormous the book says one one thing but sometimes people say something different it's very peculiar how weird people can change programs you know throughout they always tell me you got to find god you got to find God I had never seen that in the big book they said the third step says you know the third step it says will make a decision to turn out with our rival care of God so the first step is all about getting rid of self it ain't about finding God and what I had to do was get rid of me I didn't have to find God and after all guy ain't lost if he was a drunk couldn't find him no way But I gave up on me, and the next thing, something, some of the silliest things come in my mind. You know, I had swore for the last two years I would never go back to that nuthouse. Boy, and if you've been there, you would have swore the same way. I mean, I don't stack a Bible. That wasn't the place. But the next day, I got a silly notion of going back to dat nuthous. And all up to that moment, two years, I hated dat place. And now here, I'm wanting to go back. So I got off the bar with $2.50 in my pocket and paid $2 and something for a cab fare to the Nuthouse, around two bucks. And I was on the way out there, I was worried about whether they was going to let me in or not. And they let me In. Now, I don't know if any of y'all have been to one of those kind of institutions. They should keep a few of them around for some of the people I run into, you know. But man, that was really someplace. See, it was about 80 people at our ward and about 75 of these people already, these people were certified nuts i mean they were not you know this certified nuts and some of them had been in there all their lives you know when you go into an institution like this it's different it's a different society altogether because people don't associate or talk to you very freely i went in there talking they wouldn't nobody there was a few i was about four or five alcoholics in there but they wouldn' have anything do with me they stood around and they said what you're in here for are you i didn't use that word dirty word i said i'm in here for drinking and they still didn't have anything to do with me. The nuts didn't have anything do with it. I finally found out what was happening, you know, as I learned more about this unique society. See all the mental patients and some of these people had been in there for years. There's one guy has been there since he was six years old and he was 36. See he was put there because he didn't have any family anywhere to put him. He just grew up with mental patients. Some mostly people have been there most of their lives. They didn't know any other other life. And really, all they really needed, and I think one of the greatest healing forces in the problem of alcoholics now is not only for alcoholics, but for all sick people. For all the sick people, whether you're in a hospital or where you're at, none of the healing remedies are any good unless there's love. And I think that this is what these people, I've seen people hunger for love in this mental hospital. Now all they wanted was somebody to have some interest in their lives. And they saw us alcoholics having visitors and company, and the aides would talk to us and give us their newspaper. I'd talk about the ballgame but nobody ever talked to those mental patients. I finally found out that a lot of those mental patient families live right there in Little Rock and they hadn't been there seen them in 20 years. They had become nine people, nine entities. And so these people are hungering for love and they would see us alcoholics having company and visitors and when you asked one of them what he was in there for he said oh i'm an alcoholic he wanted to be in the class system you know he wanted to be as a status symbol to be an alcoholic in this institution that's the only place i ever been where i said you can be a big shot in alcohol and quite nicely when you ask us alcoholics but we're in there we said nervous breakdown which is crazy you know so you couldn't you know you couldn t tell they would try to watch and see which class she was in So finally on Monday morning, this one little guy, I guess I sold him. One of the little alcoholics, his name was Ora. He walked up to me and began to talk. And Ora is a part of my sobriety and a part of my life. And I thank God for the life of Ora Guy. Of course, he's not with us anymore, but I thank God for Ora's life. You know, we talk about I love the work of Paul and it says God's grace is sufficient. You know what? All my life they told me God would do everything. Now I find out God is just sufficient. You know, he don't give out green stamps and all those other things. He just takes care of the basic thing. And truly, Oral, you know, I didn't need a learned person in Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn'y need Bill and Dr. Bob. I needed a man with 50 years of sobriety. All I needed was Oral. Oral had three weeks of locked up sobrietry, a big book, and a carton of Camel cigarettes. Yeah, you're right. You know what got me? The Camel Cigarette. And Orv began to talk to me Monday and he said he'd come up with a big book of alcohol. He didn't know anything about it. And I didn't have any cigarettes and I was broke. And a cigarette was a premium in a joint like this. Now, Courtney, man, it's like a million dollars to be in a place like that with a carton of Camel cigarettes. Now they give me some of this Royal Young Tobacco, which I never didn't learn how to do and I would try this is hard I was shaking anyway you know it's hard to shake and watch 80 nuts at the same time and so but and I was trying to roll these cigarettes and roll and they would get all fall in my lap I was lying it would flame all up and I wanted oh it was a biggest mess and I didn't have any problem talking about your life unmanaged because the only way I could smoke those days was to take my tobacco and paper give to a nut and let him roll the liquor and give it back to me. And here's this guy with a whole carton of Campbells and the big book. And he began to offer me cigarettes and finally he said, Joe, don't you want to borrow a pack until your friends come out? And I told him, yeah, my friends never do show up. But that Wednesday night, that was on a Monday and that Wednesday tonight, the old aide, I remember, He lowered his paper long enough, and the age there, they had two people on there with 80 people, and they wasn't making any money. They just came there, and they didn't get up for anything, fights or anything. They just sat there. It didn't make any difference what those people did. They just set there. And he lowered his newspaper long enough about 730 that way as the night over 20 years ago, and he said, all you winos paid me. and I went out you know back wards of an old man I left the back ward of old mental hospital about 20 years ago and went out into an old dining room because a little guy had given me cigarettes but the only thing you can get alcoholic with love he has show some concern for my situation and he told me that these guys from Alcoholics Anonymous would come out and bring cigarettes and lay them on the table, three packs of cigarettes and lay it on the paper. And they would bring some coffee. And I went out there for a cup of coffee and a cigarette. And God gave me a fantastic new life. Tonight I knew a way of living that I never knew existed. And tonight I know a little bit about heaven. And all I came for was a cup of coffee and a cigar. God's grace, unwarranted. Now remember, I went back to bed that night. I don't remember what was said. But I had a big guy there. His name was Charlie. Charlie is my sponsor today. God, Charlie was just uniquely chosen. I don' t know if another person on the face is hurt that could have helped me but Charlie. Charlie was my kind of man. You know, Charlie got in trouble when he lived near his home. went to a boys' school. He got out and he got into more trouble, and he ended up in Cummings Penitentiary. He'd been busted three times and did a federal rap, and he'd been in penitentiaries all his life since he was eleven until he was...been out one time for six years. And he knew my kind of people. He could talk my language, and he was there that night and I you know people all my life told me what to do and all every do-gooder I said good I had a he's already pegged his do-gooders to me a a was something like plainclothes Salvation Army I already haven't figured out you know didn't have no you but I know they're gonna come up with him stale doughnuts and all these all these things about the Lord and all this stuff in this and they were always nobody meddled in my business you know if I say good morning I tell you what you ought to do everybody meddle in my business and I was filled up to here I had already prepared myself I said when he started on me I want really get him straight you know well I ain't taking no more that stuff this guy's idiot got up behind a podium and I knew he was gonna start talking about me and he started talking by himself in my defenses got up I say you're gonna get around to it but he kept on he never said a word about me kept on talking about himself I should have left him alone after the meeting was over he was standing over I should have left him alone you know but I was so I wanted to start argument so bad I had to go up to him and I said I hear all the things you said about you I said now what do you think I should do and he looked out at me and he said I don't really give a damn what you do he said how was telling you what I did and I think that's what really turned me on to this thing called AA. It was a different switch because that's what my big book says, you know, tell a man. I said don't give him advice but tell about yourself. He was in prime order that night. Now remember I got out of the hospital and I didn't knock down doors with AA but Oral thank God he, Oral didn't give up on me. Oral went back to Dumas, Arkansas. By this time I hadn't been living in Arkansas very long just a couple years and I I didn't know anything about the different little places. This was a small place, and I had lived in Chicago and in Annapolis and Louisville and Cincinnati and all these other places. You know, it's pretty hard for a learned traveler to learn anything from a man from Dumas, Arkansas. But this little guy wrote me a letter back, and he said he was coming to Little Rock to an AA meeting 90 miles away, and I hadn't been there. Just think about this. I had been there for six weeks and hadn't be to a meeting, And he was coming all the way back to that hospital, 90 miles. And you know, I said, I wanted to go out and see Oral. And he wrote me this little letter. And I wouldn't be here tonight if it wasn't for this little letter. And I have framed it. I found it and framed it many years ago. And I keep it on my office wall. He says, I don't have time to write you. I'm coming back to Little Rock to a meeting on E3, Ward E3. I will see you there. So much like the master. he didn't explain anything like you said come with me hey now you know that's about the only way you get a mixed-up guy do anything if you told him how much is going to go where he's going to pay him he wouldn't win and i went out there to see aura you know i remember that night i got my best suit out of the cleaners and and i i remember my first day amy i was going back Like I show, I see people like that nowadays. I really look sober. I was sober, but I wanted to look sober You see them new people like to look sober when they're from their first AA meeting? And I probably look like a $100 saddle on a $10 horse, but I was there. And I remember that night something, I went home that night from that meeting and it was something I was just full of something. And Lubelle was in the kitchen. We always do eat late and she we was eating uh she was doing something in the kitchen i was telling her all that i knew about a which wasn't much and she was trying to find out something and i was trying to explain to and she said well what kind of outfit is it what did they do i said they don't do a whole hell of a lot just drink a lot of coffee and smoke cigarettes i said but it sure makes you feel good i think i'm going back next week and i think this was the beginning and i can turn to page 17 of my big book it talks about the solution alcoholism on this one page it tells me what is the solution to alcoholism and it says we are average americans all sections of this country that's what's here tonight you know we're just average america's all section of this countries with different political economic social religious backgrounds all of us have different backgrounds there's a few varied people there's very group of people in this room if we look at it we look at them on that basis we have nothing in common so our pals should have never crossed none of of us here should have ever known each other. We ain't got nothing in common. I often wonder sometime in Alcoholics Anonymous where I see thousands of people gathered, if we take out this AlcoholicsAnonymous thing out of our midst, I don't know what we could talk about. We've come to very groups of people. And it says, it explains a beautiful illustration where like the passion is on a great ladder. And I see these people, and this book was written. This was a beautiful illustration that fit the time because this was a way to travel to Europe. Now we catch planes, but back in those days we had the huge liners that traveled across the ocean and these liners had a different class of people. Down in the lower part of the ship there was a steward section and this was the cheapest way to go. This guy was probably just an immigrant coming over. He never saw daylight. Every once in a while they let him go up and catch some air once a day on the fan tail and the water would blow on it. But then on the uppermost top of this deck was the captain's table, and the richest of the richest sat at the table with the captain in all their finery. And they had the strange music and all the beautiful clothes they wore and the fine food they ate in this beautiful dining room. He had nothing in common with this man in the storage section until he hit that iceberg and they both hit the water. Then they had something in common, they had a common problem. And I don't imagine that guy from captain's table asked that guy from the steward section nothing about how much money he made. I don' really think they had no problem because they came together in a moment of disaster. And this is what binds us. This is a healing force you know because we would cling to other because we've got this one common problem the fellowship of alcoholics and non and I think sometimes you know we put too much emphasis on the fellowship because my book says a warning then he said remember this would have not held us as we are now here so the other thing that we can draw any brothers harm is action not only do we have the same problem we have the same common solution and then you follow them back in my book on page 25 it says the common solution to alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience so you know i went to a and i remember when i got into the fellowship and i seen you alcoholics do i do did the same thing i've got i felt better than i ever felt in a long time by talking to other alcoholics and associating with them and i think sometimes that fools people because it fooled me for a while but then i began to realize you know that I was gonna get drunk unless I did more and I was approached with these people with a set of steps it was guaranteed to bring about a vital spiritual experience which my book says will bring about a personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism so I went down here I went to the old club we didn't have but the old dormitory club and it was this was in 62 and they had a residential program down there some drunks and one guy and some beds and of course this was remember uh 1962 there were some changes going on in our society and uh this is a bad time for anybody to sober up or do anything and they were having sit-ins and demonstrations and all those things about six blocks from where i was trying to show up so you know i had a lot of problems and i heard a lot things a lot Of things were said but every morning or every other morning some of them be said and i was the first black sober in Little Rock area, but I continued to go because of all the things that were said to me and all the thing that seemed to turn me away. And one morning, you know, I went to the meeting and old Neil, he was always, God bless him, Neil would always, for some reason or another he called me son. He don't really know how much, I guess maybe he called the other people's sons, other guys' sons too, but for me that was something special. He would always put his hand on my shoulder and pat me they say son and he called me in that morning said i want to talk to you and he says son he said you're doing fine he said i wants you to keep on coming and keep on doing what you do and he said but when you come to the meetings in the morning you welcome he said be sure here to come and stay he said as soon as the meeting's over i want you to leave don't stand around and don't drink coffee because you know i'll get into trouble there's a lot of flack around here so i came back the next morning i came down because i had an admission to the the problem of Alcoholics Anonymous. A desire to stop drinking. I had a mission. They said, a mission means to let one in and I had ticket. I'd earned my ticket so I came back. And I began to pick up this book and I began to experiment with these, this program called Alcoholics Anonymous . I think the 12 steps from the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous are very simple. Now we were, you know, it was simple when it was written. And 100 people gather together to put down an idea, and they say it's a program of recovery. And the program is a sequence of events that are to occur. When you go to church, they give you a program to tell you what's going to occur, and we have a sequence that of events that are occurred that will bring about recovery from alcoholism, a planned sequence of events. I hear a lot of people say you can work the program any way you want to. My book said it's precisely how we recovered they say you may be already asking how this program work he said we were going to ask those questions specifically and then later on page 29 I said we're gonna give you clear-cut directions well it's pretty hard to work a precise specific clear cut program any way you want to but this program gear has a program that is guaranteed guarantee rarely have we You see, anybody who fails, who fairly follows this path. And to me, the big book about Alcoholics Anonymous does but three simple things. Number one, it shows you the exact nature of your problem. Now, it's very peculiar that any problem-solving book or any problem solving method, and we do have a lot of different problems in our world, but problem solving is always on one plan. And this book is written on the same plan. It does but 3 things. Number one, it shows you what your problem is, the exact nature of your problem. And number two, it spells out the solution, the solution to the problem. And number three, it has a clear-cut plan of applying the solution to the problems. To me, it's very simple. The first step shows me exactly where I was. And the second step talks about where I believe I should be. and the last 10 steps are planned to go from one to two. And I never didn't know where I was until I came to Provo. I knew it was alcohol, but I didn't know the exact nature of alcohol. When you go to a doctor, he does the same thing. He diagnoses and finds out the nature of the problem. And when I go to the doctor, and he tells me, Joe, I believe, I thank you. You might have, I'm going to operate in the morning. I said, hell no. You ain't going to cooperate until you know the exactly nature of your problem. And I had to, I found out in Alcoholics Anonymous the exact nature of my, I thank God for Dr. Silkworth. You know, remember it was Dr. silkworth who told this to Bill. The town. You know and he freed us all. He freed us off. Because he was the first one man in history to find out the exact naturae of what was wrong with people like us. And they told me in Alcoholic Anonymous that I had an allergy of the body and obsession of the mind. said i was powerless over alcohol and i found out you know i had i have an allergy to alcohol and i didn't know i have allergies to alcohol a lot of drugs you know i didn' t know how i had an allergy now you mean i get sick no it ain't the allergy the doctor says in doctor's opinion that my allergy is manifested by the craving of alcohol when i drink alcohol i crave it and i never did know that was abnormal i thought i thought other people use will part they don't use will parker they don' t crave it when they drank it. And when you're abnormal and you've been abnormal all your life, you think you're normal. See, the doctor said he thinks his life is a perfectly normal one. I thought I was normal but I was abnormal. I like what my father says over here. You know, if you got up in the morning and your wife went in the back commode and got out a quart of milk, that would be abnormal as hell. You know, my drinking was abnormal. Really, I didn't know my drinking was so abnormal. And Brian was always talking about it over here all day. I don't know a thing about normalcy. I can't conceive. I don' t know what them people is doing. I'm so abnormal I have no conception of any other kind of drinking. I was on a plane recently and it just shocked the hell out of me. These people got one of them little old bottles up there and stirred it. Oh boy, it just bugs me when they do that. Then they go to read in their magazine after they get it all stirred up. And one of them said, call the stewardess over. I said, and I wanted, I was, I'm just, I'm gonna write, I would love to spec a study to those people. And after guys all stared up, I said what the hell is the hell they want? They said we want some peanuts to go. I never did ask for no peanuts. I couldn't figure out what in the hell they want with peanuts. I guess, I don't know. But I guess peanuts goes with that thing, you know. But when I drank I craved a second drink. you know i think we're talking about these 20 questions and all these things are probably on this thing let's get this thing simple just get it down to two questions when you drink alcohol do you crave another drink and if you've got an allergy to alcohol you don't need an expert tell you what to do if you got an allergy to anything you don'T NEED AN EXPERT TELL YOU WHAT TO DO IF YOU'VE GOT AN ALLERGY TO ALCOHOL WHEN YOU DRINK ALCOHOLE YOU CRAVE THE FIRST DRINK DON'T DRINK AlCOHol That's helpful. I wonder why it took a bunch of drunks to show me that. Now, I can't drink alcohol safely is half of my problem. The other half of our problem is the other mind. It talks about how it was restless and irritable and discontent. In my book we think the main problem of the alcoholic center is in his mind. But Dr. Silkworth said any discussion of alcohol that leaves out the physical factor is incomplete because in this case I'm sure the body is sick as well as the mind. and I found out the other half of my problem was when I become restless, nervous, discontent when I have this emotional buildup when I get to a certain point of pain it triggers in me the idea to drink I remember what I did the last time I remember the ease and comfort of the first few drinks and my mind makes me reach over and take a few drinks as soon as I take these few drinks it triggers the abnormal craving in my body and I proceed through the well-known spree the first time in my life I saw the exact nature of my problem number one because of my body I couldn't drink safely and number one number two because of mine I couldn' quit drinking and if you can't drink because of the body and can't quit because of the mind then you are powerless over alcohol and I saw the exact naturae of my problems and I thank God you know that I am an alcoholic who knows the nature of his problem. There are many, many alcoholics in our world who don't understand what's going on in their lives. And you know, after I saw where I was and they talked about a power greater than myself, came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. And I love the words believe. You know, believing is knowledge prior to doing something. It didn't have to say faith, it says belief. you know in my life our lives today are limited by what we believe if we're going to change tomorrow we have to change what we leave today that's why we change believing is the sum the source of our lives and i believe lies all my life i never you know i believe lie when a man believes lie he is in trouble because they say hell is the truth seen too late and i believed lies all My Life when you believe lies instead of truth will set you free and once you know I begin to say come to believe that a part greater than myself can restore me to sanity and you know I didn't like that word sanity it didn't say insanity but I didn'y like that word sanity but it just means whole and many many times people came to Christ and asked to be made whole and you know people I had misused these words and I didn''t understand what they were talking about but I know that sanity is believing a lie and I used to believe a lot of lies I really did see, I would get sick and lose a job mess my life up in about two or three weeks I started believing the lie I would say why don't you go in there and get you a drink say, you can take a drink like everybody else just take a few and it won't hurt you and you know when I would believe that lie they'd like damn near kill me now I believe the truth the truth has set me free there's no way in the world I could walk in a liquor store at night and pull out the price of a good fifth and say, Mr., I drank some of that 20 years ago. It was like damn near killing me. Now, I would like to buy another bottle of it. See, I can't do that. But I believe these lies. They talk about, you know, it says in all areas of my life, all other areas of My Life, I was all right. But in this one area as far as alcohol, I was quite insane. There was nothing sane about My Life as far As Alcohol Was Concerned. All other areas, all right, when it comes to alcohol, I was insane. so it was easy for me to come to believe that this power could restore me to sanity and i think these two steps these two step are the basic it's the way people solve problems these two fantastic steps before we get into the third step the three the last ten steps of the plan based on the first two steps and you know the prophet's son used this same program in the bible you know he had a problem uh he was lost he was there was three things that were lost of the prophet son the little prophet son a coin and a sheep and of course in the one case of the sheep the shepherds was in the responsibility there so the shepherd shepherd did the directing of the sheep so the shepherd had to go find the sheep when it was lost it was his responsibility the woman to own and possess this coin. And when the coin was lost, the coin couldn't do anything. She owned it. She had to sweep and find it. So she swept diligently, and she found it. But then there was a Proctor's son. He and I were lost too, just as bad as the sheep and the coin. But we had the ability of self-will. We were lost on our own. Now, the Proctor says, give me mine, and he left. And he ended up in the pig pen, and that's a bad place for a little Jew boy to be, in the pig pen you know they really don't like those things and he was in the big pin and he was in trouble and he's been there quite a while i think he got had the same problem i did because he talked about wine women in song a woman talked to me about that one night she said joe i didn't see a whole lot in there about women i said well you know a little young white man ain't gonna waste his money on apple pie hot dogs ice cream and chivalry you know it must have been something else but there he was and he wasn't a pig pen and he said he took the first step then he said he came to himself he found himself you know he was lost but he had to find himself he was different from the corn and sheep this is what i did with the first step i saw where i was and the prophet his son used the same step because once he saw where he was then he said he came the belief that they were eating better at his father's house after he saw where he would some alcoholics you know we're very blessed tonight that we saw where we were some of them never see it and once we take these first two steps then it comes to the third and final goal recovery and this is the main purpose of the big book of alcoholics anonymous is recovery this is a main purpose and sometimes you know i think we get messed up the big book alcoholics now because you know sometimes we get a drunk and give him the big book alcohols now and tell him go chapter five and start on the main purpose and he ain't found the first two yet And it's pretty hard to work the last ten steps when you ain't got them first two intact. So it says we stood at a turning point, and I stood at these two alternatives. Our book talks about all in all these two alternative, these two steps, the one of powerlessness and one of the power, the ones that I know and the one I believe. This is a tough decision for an alcoholic. You know, I didn't like either one of them. My sponsor immediately told me, he said, we didn't ask you which one you like. You just choose whichever one you want. It's all like going to the dentist. You know, you don't like dentists, you Don't Like Toothaches either, but that tooth gets all hurt and you're going to make a decision. So I made a decision, the word decision comes from the word dissect means to cut facts in two. And I had two facts. Number one, I was powerless over alcohol, and number two, there was a power greater than myself for restoring my sanity. I had to make the decision. all belief you know it's not effective unless you decide based on what you believe so i made a decision to turn my will of my life over the care of god and of course in my book begins to paint this beautiful picture they said this is the root of my problem you know my problem all my life was self this is a root of the alcoholic problem i don't know who whoever come around and people sold me on the idea many alcoholics that the problem about how he has something to do with weakness and my books had this trip I've never seen a weak alcoholic and a weak person never could get this disease the first time he vomited he'd quit he never couldn't make it you know me it takes a strong person to begin the alcoholic you know you really got to work at this thing and we're self-centered we are hard-headed my dad never read the big book out cause now and he damn near killed me with a Peachtree limb when I was six years old he said boy you're hard-hearted that's he was that self-centered you know i had it all my life all my life i was self hard-headed and they said there's even no way of reading self or self but god makes this possible so i made this decision and once and once i decided to go this second row the one i believe to be better then i had to pay a price and an alcoholic does have to pay a price alcoholic pays the greatest price and any sick out of the greatest possession any sick alcoholic has got self-will and he has to give this up if he makes his decision. If he decides to go to this power, he's got to give up self- will. And this is the first step in recovery because it's the first that makes some improvement in the alcoholics. My book defends all good ideas are simple but this one simple idea is the keystone of the UN Triumphant Arts Commission Pass to Freedom, Step 3. Because it removed a core of my problem. And then I had to go to work on the things that had been blocking my the things that have grown out of self said that all those decisions was violent and critical have no permanent effect unless we move these things that have been blocking our path i know that you know it talks about resentment fear and all these things in the inventory it means to have to make a list of these things and go into my character you know and i i it says ourselves ourselves and me as i stand here tonight i'm a product of what goes through my mind they say so as a man thinketh where shall he be from could make it what what what was in my mind what what kind of character to look into me and oneself was removed i was given the opportunity to see me and i looked at resentments i've seen the resentments and the self-pity how they had dominated my life sure these were number one offenders in my life The greatest resentment I ever had was me. You know, self-resentment, self pity was my number one problem. I totally operated on that pour me, pour me a drink. You know that's one of the sickest things an individual can have. That's one the sickiest mental illness an individual has to feel sorry for himself. And it gets well you know my mind got so placed where I wore it like a garb. You know some ones I got up and didn't have it I fell out of sorts. What's the matter with me? I don't feel sorry enough. You know, we get used to wearing that thing. Yeah. And I resented my position in life. And I resisted other people too. And it talks about fear. Now, I can see how fear was distorted. And 12 and 12 talks about all these instincts are necessary and God gives them, but because of self they become distorted and they begin to destroy me. And I can See How Fear Plays a Good Role in My Life. It protects me. But then the same protection, if it's overused by self, can destroy me." It talks about sex in a big book. And all these things were very plain there. So in step four, I saw all these stages and made a list. And in five, I was able to bring them to surface. In six and seven, I made these adjustments. So in steps four, five, six, and seven I worked on ourselves. I worked out my head. And you know, basically this is the law of life because our book says that the center of our life is spiritual and then our minds are produced. And then it talks about steps eight and nine, our relationships with others. Part of a man's life is a relationship with others. So in Step 8 and 9, I had to go to work and clean up my relationship with other people. I made a list of my people problems and in Step 9, I went to work on this thing. If you study the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, we see the promises in our book and don't take the book out of context if we know that right after Step 9 we have the promises. And so many times we talk about the promises but we don't know, you know, the promises come after the first nine steps because truly, surely, if we have cleaned up our relationship with God we have worked on ourselves and our relationship with other people things should get better and it talks about a new freedom and a new happiness and I can comprehend the words of Renji for the first time in my life you know I had some relief in my wife but my book says I had to continue the last three steps I continued working for the rest of my life so many times if we studied the last ten steps you know, we'll find out, you know it's a summation of these are same general areas. So step two is telling me continue to watch for self creeping back in. This is step three and it says watch for resentments and fear. This is four, five, six and seven. And it says when we're wrong promptly admit it this is eight and nine. So you know this program so much as a constant elimination of character defects. So many times the problem they have people who say you got to get this, you gotta get that, you got to get this you got to get that you got to get peace of mind you gotta get syringe you got to get all this and really if you study the big book of alcoholic numbers find out you ain't got to get nothing this is a program of elimination it talks about relieve me of minding yourself take away my difficulties remove the things from me that are objective it's a program of perfection through elimination and we're going to eliminate for the rest of our lives these last 10 steps as we practice and cast these things on And our lives, our happiness, the contentment of our lives is unlimited. And I see so many people coming to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and getting that booze off their back, and they're missing the best part of this program. Because this program's all about quality living, about being happy and contented. And then the main thing, it says the main purpose of the program anyway is not to sober us up, not to give us a good life. But instead of that, it said the main service, or the main focus of the whole thing is to fit ourselves is the maximum service to God and to people around us. Because that's all, that's what we were put here for. Step 11, it talks about through prayer and meditation through talking and listening to God we receive his direction. And step 3, I turn over my directions and so much as I work to clean the things blocking me off from God in these other steps, then I receive God's directions through prayer and meditation. It tells me exactly in our beautiful book how to do this. and it says sometime through the day we may know which way to go or which decision to make and it said we turn over to God and relax and take it easy and don't struggle God that's very difficult after a while you know I got a little computer up here that's got a lot of garbage in it and every time it gets balled up you know really God can't put nothing into a mess he says cut it off relax and take it easy and right from within right from within And after a while, you know, if I practice at it, I'll have a different thought on this same subject. I'll say, see old John, call him up, and I'll call up old John and he'll have my answer. And it wasn't there before when I was wrestling. In my book says what used to be an occasional hunt can become a working part of our minds. And it says we can develop a sixth set of directions through talking and listening to God. then our twelfth step you know it says having had a spiritual awakening this is a promise because step two told us we believed you would and now it says having had this as a result of these steps we carry this message to others and the message is quite simple I've had a special experience as a results of these tips this is the message that we carry to other alchemists you know the guy who has the promises the guy started out in step two he believed and after he believed he made a decision in step three and decision is no good unless you apply the actions to it four five six seven eight nine were the actions and once the actions were put in then he got results of the promises and once he's got the results of the promises that he no longer believes he knows and twelve steps says the man who knows can help the new guy begin to believe and this is a great chain in our fellowship whether or not it helps a new person come to believe. You know, this is my responsibility and I really for many years I used to get mixed up in it. I always thought I had saved drunks. The only thing I've got to do is tell another drunk about the grace of God. I've Got to tell another drink about these steps and the healing power of this program lies within the steps within God not within the messenger. You know I think sometimes you know we get too big we think we've got become healers of men and we just have the healing message Maybe we shouldn't use that word, healing, because sometimes, you know, we get off too far. The only thing I've got to do is tell the person. He can take it or leave it. My book says if he don't like it, go to someone else. I'm sure you can find somebody else. Now, I think one of the greatest examples in the whole history of our world in my time was old Paul Revere. He was a great messenger in his time, and that's probably the reason we're all sitting here in the United States of America was Paul Reveer Because, you know, if it hadn't been for Paul, we'd probably have been British citizens. And based on the message he carried, that the message was effective, the people acted on the messages, and Paul, he didn't have anything to do. They told Paul to carry the message. And Paul, remember, Paul Revere was a silversmith. He was a man who worked with his hands. He wasn't one of them intellectuals. See, Ben Franklin was an intellectual. If they had sent him, we would all be British citizens because he'd stand on the corner and run his mouth. He'd begin a political speech the first time he got to. But Paul carried a message. He went from village to village, said the British are coming. That's all he did. He never did get off his horse. He never talked to nobody. He went on and did his thing. So I think that this is what our responsibility lies in telling people about the grace of God. Our responsibility lies In carrying this message from one person to the other. You know, it's not ours to choose. It's not, you know, because if it was ours to chose, then I probably wouldn't have been chosen. We only have the simple. And it says, in practice, these principles are all our affairs. You know, I think, Gracie, you know, we're talking about the principles of living and being able to contain it in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. They are not new. It says, as old as mankind himself. And God created man, and he created just like God created men, just like Henry Ford created my little old Granada I drive. And there's a set of principles in my glove compartment. These principles were how to operate that car was quite naturally. They were made by the man who created them, Ford Motor Company. The creator always gives instructions. And if you use that product the way the creator said, you'll get the best service out of it. Hell, you just can't operate that card the way you want it to. You've got to go by the instructions. and I think this is what in 12 steps of problem is the principles of living you know I said you know that it comes to the word discipline this is where the word disciple comes from it means one who follows principles who follows their directions and the closer we follow these principles the more contented and happy we're going to be and principles can't be changed because when you get down the bottom line they say principles are just the way it is you can't change principles i won't go on and on at night i'll get kind of wrapped up and get involved and get through this program with people but i've had many many things happen in uh sometimes you know the miracle of my life and i talk about that i couldn't even to be part of a recovery program And so it was very important to me. I began to get involved for some reason or another immediately and to help people. And this is the only kind of AA I ever heard of. I don't know any other. You know, I didn't get into the groups, and I didn'T get up. But my only group was there in and around this old halfway house where we had some trunks sitting. And they threw me in there immediately, andI began to work as best I could. I'd do whatever I could for these people, and l began to go to jails and hospitals. And my sponsor didn't lie. He didn't know you could do something, anything different. That's all he did. you know and I just got in there with him you know after showing how things change and I couldn't even didn't want to even drink coffee in that old dormitory about after I was sober five or six years that I was appointed to the board of directors at the same place I couldn'T even get into now that's a hell of a no you know and I because of the program had changed not because of me but because of the pause of this program called Alcoholics Anonymous this is what I'm talking not anything I did and how it changed my life. Now, the things that allowed me to do with people, all to the pro of Alcoholics Anonymous. As the years went by, you know, I became involved in establishing the Serenity House in Little Rock, which is a treatment center for alcoholics. And to me, I think that anybody in Arkansas would tell you, and I'd always feel if I wasn't there, I'd be back there trying to find the finest treatment center in the state. but I had some other things that began to happen one of the governors many earlier governors decided because of my work and because of what I had done he would appoint me to the commission or the authority that controlled the alcohol and drug programs in Arkansas and I was appointed on there by four governors and did what I could to help the alcoholic and drug addicts in our state up until January where for the past three years I had been serving as chairman of the authority that governed and dispensed all the monies for all the alcohol and drug programs in the state of Arkansas. And it's been a long ways for, you know, a little old drunk waiter that couldn't get in a place through God's grace, you now. He allowed me to stay sober and to work in the lives of the people in my state and in my home. so God's grace is unbelievable I don't think this program they say is new this is as old as mankind himself not so long ago I was talking about all these lines of how one night and you know people do allow us to meet in their churches and I was in a group in an area up in northeast Arkansas and we had met in a nice church basement and I would tell them about how this program how it starts off the inside and works out this is you know alcoholism is the inside job so it starts inside it works from the spirit and then to the mind and then our relationship with other people and i know when i got a problem with people it's because of my head when i've got problems with here that's because there's something wrong in my soul and this is the way i function the way man functions so as i was standing there talking about this they had left some of the uh sunday school and left some work on the on the wall and it was very right because i looked over there and you know this program we really knew because there it was very plainly written he said love the lord thy god with all thy heart and all that so Step 3 In 4, 5, 6 and 7 it said With all thy mind In 8 and 9 it said And thy neighbor as thyself Thank you and God bless you