The Bondage of Self – Big Book – Tim – Workshop – Neptune, NJ – Part 11 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

From the Atlantic Island area, Tim, thanks again for driving us tonight. Thank you, Tim. Evening, everyone. I'm a recovered alcoholic called Big Boat Tim. We left off on page 60, the three pertinent ideas. A, B, C. Spell it out for us. There are some groups that do that. I always enjoy those lively ones. you know, so I'd like to go back to just before that where it says our description of the alcoholic page 60 the chapter to the agnostic and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas, colon so again, another reference to the stories in the book our personal adventure before and after, you know and I always talk about that because you hear people say only the first 164 are on the program and then you have other people saying only the There's 103 on the program. The book has the program contained in the book, so there's a reference to it. The stories are so key, especially when the book was first put out there because we didn't have the kind of meetings that we have today. We had the book. That's what caused Alcohol Synonymous to mushroom. That's the verbiage that they used. Don't take my word for it. If you want to read about that, Coming of Age is a book that was written by one of our co-founders about that process that happened and the miracle of what this book carried to the world. And it's in all these countries in different languages as a result of this, you know, I just think that's pretty cool. So, you Know, the identification process is a really important process to allowing people who want an answer to their alcoholism to understand that, alright, well these people have one. Okay, but what is it? And then it's about telling our story of what it was like what happened and what it's like now and the stories in the back of the book do that. You know, and then the description of the alcoholic you know, they took pains to describe the alcoholic, you know it says on page 44 that in the preceding chapters you've learned something of alcoholism you know the difference between an alcoholic and not So, a preface, four words, a doctor's opinion, and 43 pages worth of text are dedicated to showing the reader exactly what's going on. So that description. And then there's the chapter to the agnostic, which is the one before this. The chapter to re-agnostics, which ist really cool because I like the perspective, and I talk about this, that Bill writes that in. You know, he was an agnostic, somebody who had no knowledge of God, had moments of it and then they were quickly pushed aside for other things. And then there were atheists as well. But he includes himself in that group of we agnostics. And I love how he says, you know, I get it. I know where you're coming from. I used to think that way too. And I was wrong and so are you. And, you know, so the whole chapter had that kind of like, oh yeah, you think that way? Yeah, yeah. Please smile. Me too, me too. Wrong. You know, and I just like that perspective, that underlying tone to it. You know. I just ran into a couple of fellows at the Peaceful Place and I'm heard of in the area. I think that's wonderful. Because I got an oh from someone I was introduced to. and he said oh I heard all day and I said oh really what did you hear because I want to be here you know and he says oh I thought you were dropping grenades you know it was more like mortar cannons for me but you know certain things and it was like and then they followed up whether it was true or not they were at least political and said well I heard mostly good things so you know would be a good politician even if they're not telling the But it was interesting to hear that, you know. And to me, what I try to do to the best of my ability is I try to remove myself from it. I tryと allow God to use me as an instrument to take this information and put it out there in my experience with it. And hopefully I'm an example of what this is, of this program working in one human being's life and giving hope to other people that may be struggling and saying, you know, I really want that and how do I do that? And there's a solution to it. So we get to that three-part analysis. So all of that information, all ofthat experience, the first step, the bedevilments, the admission, the fully conceiving to our innermost selves, the removing of reservations, of lurking notions, the decisions that we make of can we now admit or are we willing to believe that there's power greater than ourselves. The second step proposition of God is everything or God is nothing. Either he is or he isn't. What is your choice to be? And the attitude that we take toward that, and with that attitude we cannot fail. So all of that culminating to these three pertinent ideas. You know, A, that we were. See, I always like the verb tense used in this book. Because it says we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. I like that. Because that gives me hope. We were. Aren't you always? Well, let's play tennis, you know. B, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. Okay, so now even within that, there's that probably, right? So there's one of those A-8 loopholes. Because you know people who may not. Yeah, it's just probably. It's like, okay, well, you can keep running on human power all you want. You can keep trying to will it all you won. Let us know when you're done. And then we can do some steps and get you to your God. you know, it's simple you know why fight really you know and because you get to a particular point that if you know and you've had an experience there's no point in fighting right here's another promise, that God could and would if he were strong, well what could he do? Relieve our alcoholism okay, now my experience has been that, there's been no human power that has relieved my alcoholism ever they've actually added to it to be honest with you you know nobody else feels that way like I really want a drink you're making me want a drank and it becomes that they're making me well that's a bunch of crap but just that whole dealing of like I don't know how to deal with this human being without punching them in the face so I better drink but we have a God that can step in there and say you know what he was a sick person you wouldn't treat a sick person like that so it's nice and then so now it says being convinced we were at step three being convinced so you need to be convinced of all of that stuff all of this stuff I like the manuscript was pretty blunt about it you know it said something to the effect of if you're not convinced go back and re-read this or throw this book out which that's kind of cool to me you know you're wrong you're wrong. You know, I just love that approach because most people that I've experienced who come to AA are dying. They're dying. Their life has become impossible. They need a solution to live but yet they want to cling to all the stuff in their life that brought them here in the first place. I just experienced it this afternoon. A person who was in Jersey City Memorial Hospital just got out of detox they were arguing with me about what they needed to do I was like, really? you think you actually know what you need to do? how about shut up and listen to somebody who may know what you mean more than you know what you want to do maybe I could be wrong but if I am ok I couldn't do any worse than you're doing right now So I presented them with options. The option was to take a different path than they normally take, or the option was to continue to try to use their insane brain to fix their life. Which do you think they picked? Of course. Of course they did. You know, because somebody offered them C. Am I talking about, you know, you only have two choices? you know, gone to the miserable end, blotting out the miserable existence, or a spiritual, it's not spiritual. And somebody went, oh wait, there's a choice C over here. And they went, Oh, okay. That's exactly what they did. And I told them point blank. I said, You will be high by Saturday. No, I won't. I said okay. Because I don't mind being wrong about the right thing. If they prove me wrong, great. That's wonderful. I would love that. I would actually love somebody to prove me wrong about that stuff. but generally they don't you know if you've been around for a while you can kind of see you know and then there's the people who kind of trick us too you know those 90 day wonders they're just like full of piss and vinegar and they're just on fire and they are at meetings all the time and they shake your hands and smile and oh I don't miss nothing and then like 102 days later they're drinking you know and why because it's just all surface stuff you know that apple cart they didn't shake that apple car and get to the rotten apples in your room. They didn't do this deal. You know, they're doing the five-step recovery program for hard drinkers. Don't drink, go to meetings, get a pot to get hungry, get active. I'm drunk. You know? And, you know, God bless them, really. I'm happy that there are those examples that I can look at and say, oh my God, thank God. But for the grace of God, there go I. I mean you heard my story of how close I was because that was me that was my will that's what I was doing I was like I'll show you but it came down to like who did I turn to no human power I turned to the good wood right so I was convinced right so he says we were at step three alright well what's step three which is that we decided to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understood him just what do we mean by that and just what do we do? Okay, really, those are logical questions. Alright, so now it becomes like, wow, my will, what if, you know, there's this expression in AA, I took my will back. Right, I'm like, well how did you get rid of it? Because it's always our will, it's ALWAYS our will. It's not one of those things that we, you know it's not like, it's no longer it's like I, you know I get a wig and I give my wig and I put my wig back I can't do that. You know, that's not how the will works. The will is always us, it's always our inner most self, it' s our inner thing you know, our driving force and then our life of course is our actions you know what we do with that will. So I like the next sentence right? It's wonderful it says the first requirement there were no musts in AA. Well there aren't requirements right? Is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Well, that doesn't say any alcoholic's life. That doesn't any life run on self will. Okay, so that's pretty powerful right there. So I can say, wait a minute, it's not just me. It's not just me as an alcoholic. It is any life run on Self Will. And you can look around the world and see that. You can see people who are alcoholics who are running their life on Self-Will and they're screwing it all up. They're failing miserably. And you think, my God. You know, and then we say things like, well, that's really alcoholic behavior. It's like, no, it's not. It's just somebody running on self-will. Alcoholic behavior is when people drink to a point that they can't stop. You know. Everything is not alcohol. I actually had somebody say to me, right, on social media, because I'm not going to plug something else. They said to me. You know everybody who drinks isn't an alcoholic. I said well generally in my experience people who say that have a drinking problem I said and secondly you have to be an effing idiot to think that everybody who drinks is an alcoholic let me say it point taken I'm like I got a point for you so thank you thank you very much so so then he says on that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good. On what basis? On self-will. Being propelled by self- will. So we're always on some collision course because, hey, I'm gonna, I'll go and there's always going to be something in our way when we're running off of self-willed collision. I love the words, right? Collision. What happens? And then even though your motives are good, right, wait, I have to get there first. Well, why do you have to get THERE FIRST? Because if I don't get THERE first, things are going to get screwed up behind me. It's like, well, why don't you let God puts you where oh no God knows I need to be first what the hell are you talking about so there's all that right anybody who was you know most of I look around this room and everybody was around during the 80s right and that was the me generation it was all about you know look out for number one remember that I remember that that's what we were like pruned with you know you need to look out for number ones and I'm in AA so I guess they were gone Since most people try to live by self-propulsion Again, it's not just alcoholics Most people Each person is like an actor Who wants to run the whole show Is forever trying to raise The lights, the ballet, the scenery And the rest of the players in its own way If his arrangements would only stay put If only People would do as he wished The show would be great Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements, our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish, and dishonest. But as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think that life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be. Still, the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is he no evidence to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each one of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can out of the show? Is he even in his best moments a producer of confusion rather than harmony? Our actor is self-centered. Egocentric, as people like to call it nowadays. Isn't that amazing they said it in the 30s? He's like the retired businessman who lolls on the floor of the sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation. The minister who sighs over the sins of the 20th century. Politicians and reformers who were sure all would be utopia if the world would only behave. The outlaw safecracker who thinks society has wronged him. And the alcoholic who has locked all, and it's locked up. Whatever our protestations are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? Right? Now here's a little you know, most of you know already that I have a background in theater. And so when I got here and I read this, I was like panicked. I was Like, What do you mean I can't be an actor? I'm an actor! and he's like no stupid because that's what he said no stupid it's a metaphor I was like oh okay thank god you know because oh my god how could I not be an actor I mean I wanted to be an actor but how you know but one of the things I like about this now because the book was written by a man that's gender specific okay he says he all the time because he wrote from that perspective. What I always like to do is read this stuff with female pronouns. And I always, you know, I watch women squirm when I do that because it's not what's written on the page, right? So then it really starts to hit home a little more, right. And what's wonderful about this is that my sister, she's part of the town's local PTO. She's on the executive board so she has some responsibility to the town of Mother's. And, of course, you know how PTOs go. And there's this one particular woman who is this page. And I said, you Know, so my sister, she said, on and on, you know, and then another person, another, on and on. I said... I said let me read you something. And let's see. Right? So all I read was from each person of life the actor, right? And read all the way through just to is she not even in her best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony. And they were just like, that's it! That's her! I was like, you think? I was thinking, how much is she doing? Because, you know, she's one of us. So and it just becomes like, okay save your seat. You know, because that's what my first sponsor said to me before I got sober. Don't worry Tim we're saving you a seat. Seat, what seat? Come on, I'll show you a sheet. But I just think it's wonderful because I hear that often, unfortunately, that this book doesn't apply to women. It's different for women. And I can't subscribe to that. I just really can't. Because that's not honest. It applies to everyone. So if we're going to make it you know, a feminist battle or a chauvinist battle. You know, it's just delineating the purpose of it. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't say, like, God could win if he were so... Okay, so it's here, you know. Oh my God, we're going to do this now? You know? Like, you're dying! You know. Like, shut up! We'll deal with your stuff later. You know like, come on, really. So, you know that perspective is a lot. Now here's... I absolutely love page 62. I love it. I love this so much that for years I've been able to quote almost the entire page just because it speaks to me, right? It's in there. It speaks to you. It speaks in me. Because it's me. It's definitely me. Right? And of course, you know, one of the tools that I use, you always hear that thing, you know if you want to hide something from an alcoholic put it in a big book, right ? So I say things that people are like, you know, you ought to read page 62. And they're like, what? I was like, it's all about you. Read it. They're like what are you talking about? I'm like, read it. It's all About You. Oh, so did anybody do that research that I was talking about as we understood him? God as we Understood Him? That story in the back? No, huh? All right, I'll get that later. All right. So here we go. Selfishness. self-centeredness that we think is the root of our problems the root so really, when it talks about what Alcoholics Anonymous is in that preamble and what do the words say to you? solve our common problem well that's our common problem right there it's not alcoholism or else we wouldn't say it again kind of redundant isn't it our common problema is selfishness self-centeredness. And everything else comes from that, because that's what a root is. Everything grows from the root. So if the root of our problems because that is A.A.'s opinion because he said it, that we think is the root of our problems. Okay, so that selfishness and self-centeredness is also two natures of our wrongs. Remember I said I was going to tell you the two natatures and point them out? There are six of them. And the next four come driven by a hundred forms of fear self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity. We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. And those are the four natures of our wrongs. Okay? So when we're going through that process later on and sharing the nature of our longs in the fifth step every single one of the things that we're dealing with in our fourth step has a nature of those that it will apply to. Now, let's look at that statement. Driven by a hundred forms, right? I always talk about this. I call it my self-car, okay? I'm in my selfish car with my self-centered steering wheel, right? And I have my four tires of fear, self-illusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. And I'm driven by it in my self car. Right? Propelled by self-delusion and self-will and self suspicion and fear. Oh, I have to make a look. Why do you You know, like, right That's where it is. So that's how I envision it. So, now let's think about this. You're driven by a hundred, right? Driven by a thousand forms of each one of those four things. That's 400 forms of self! Holy, that's a lot of self, man! Right? A lot of itself. 400 forms and self? My God, how am I going to fix that? How am I gonna fix that?! Because that's what everybody thinks. How am i gonna fix death? Right? And because of that, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. We do that. They retaliate, right? And then it says, sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation. But invariably we find that at some time in the past, we made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be hurt. Okay, so no matter what it is, like if we're feeling hurt, It's our own fault. That's what it's telling us. How could that be? That's not possible. Well, why isn't it? Why isn't this possible? Because invariably, if we're being honest about this and we're doing this deal and we have a sponsor that can see what's going on and we are the network of people that we allow to get to know us and they can see they're going to tell you when you're about to make that dumb decision you know, the one that follows I have an idea and they tell you that's probably going to turn out like this and you F them off and you're just trying to get in my way and then the fear creeps in and then self-seeking creeps in and self-delusion which is one of my favorites self- delusion is one of my favorite because it makes me different that's what self-dilution is about it's not going to happen to me that way because I'm different. She's not going to be who she is, a drug addict and an alcoholic because she's with me, don't you know? And she's going to have spirituality pour off me into her and save her or the other way around. He's going because he never had a good mother and I'll take care of it. Oh my God, that's self-delusion, right? The best way I like to describe self- delusion of the funhouse mirrors. Right? They're not a true reflection of ourselves. You know, some of them make us short and wide. I like the ones that are maybe tall and thin. Like, that's my favorite self-delusion. You know because it's a warped reflection. It's deluded. Right? And it's about myself because you know this whole process is about getting down to seeing our true selves. Removing all the crap and getting down to what God wants us to be, right? So I want to hold on to my self-delusion because I don't want to look at myself. That's too painful. Why would I do that? You know, I'm fine. Yeah, we know what fine means, right ? Okay. So, and then it goes on again, right, so our troubles we think are basically of our own making how many people want to argue with that no they're not I didn't cause myself to get punched in the face well let's think about what you said before that happened let's speak about the environment that you're in let's talk about why you're in that environment probably you were probably driven by some form of self that placed you there to get punished in the base generally it's very rare you know like yeah you get the crazy stuff that's out there where kids are just running down the street, punching people in the head. You know what I mean? But like, okay, to some degree we could say, well, were we paying attention to the footsteps that were coming around? You know, like there's all that kind of stuff, right? Because our job is to remove the delusion. To remove the dilution. Because the delusions are what create us to be able to go back to, I drink because they. I drink because I drink because I because because because well oh it's my disease no you're the problem right and that's what it's saying they arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot though he usually doesn't think so right so what does it say it's an extreme example it doesn't say it's the only example because there's plenty of people who are extreme, you know, who are examples of stealth, will, run, riot. Tons of them. Right? And they don't usually think so either. But we're not concerned with it. We're concerned with ourselves. Now here's the key. Here's the Key Element right here. It says above everything. Above everything. Everything. So there's nothing above this. This is the thing that's on top. Right? we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness we must or it kills us well what's choice C go live with the daddies go live at mom's you know whatever like that's it if you qualify as an alcoholic above everything you've got to be rid of the selfishness or it's going to kill you it's not that thing of, I'm going to do something selfish at this moment and I'm gonna die. At this moment. Maybe. Sometimes that does happen. Right? Sometimes people do that. They do foolish things and then they die immediately. Right? But with us, oh man, our selfishness keeps us alive for a while and festers within us and makes us suffer and remember? Remember what you did? Remember what she did? And then it starts killing us. Slowly. Right? You know, all those things that we do. All those things that we carry with us in our lives. That baggage of crap that we're just dragging. That person we screwed over and then him, her, them, it. All that stuff that we are dragging is just killing us. Just ripping our soul to pieces. Right? Because it's all based on self. Right? Well, God makes that possible. God makes that possible there he is again with another solution in his four words God makes that possible makes what possible? oh and there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of stuff without his aid right so here's a wonderful promise for you when you're with God when you are in God at any given time in your life at any given moment in your life, because you're not in God all the time, because we're human, we're not saints, right? But in those moments, and sometimes they're long moments, which are wonderful when they're long moments. When you're with God, you're nothing self. You're entirely rid of self. That's really cool, man. That's powerful. Only God can do that. Humans can't do that I can't. I can do this myself When I'm doing God's will for me, when I'm there, when I'm with God, I just know self. Self doesn't exist. Oh, wow. So at that moment, I'm not killing myself. Wow, that's pretty cool. God's doing that for me. Right? And then here's another one of those arguments against don't drink and go to meetings. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore. Well, it's quite moral not to drink. And it's quite philosophically sad. It's a good philosophical condition. If I change my behavior from going to the bar every night to going to a meeting every night, that's wonderful. That's a wonderful moral philosophical conviction. Right? But we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Well, why not? Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We have to have God's help. Uh-oh. I'm screwed again. Because I am. I'm screwd again. What do you mean I can't? I can, I can. I, I chance I have to work on my character defects. What? Great. Good luck. Exactly. Let us know how that works out. We'll be watching. and then here's the great thing I love this book I love the how and the why of it oh my god what is he's going to give us an answer isn't this cool first of all we had to quit playing God it didn't work I love saying that to people I love that because I got to a point in my life where I can because I see it just like they said it to me you know, you need to quit playing God. That's you. My point exactly. Right? Okay? Next. Okay, so I'm not going to play God. Next. We decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. So what do we mean we decided? Well, we made a choice. A decision is a choice Either I'm going to become the director or God's going to make me the director. I talk about this all the time with that first step. The dash, right? The dash. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol. But I'm going to manage my life. I'm late. Well, I'm gone too. So now I'm the director again. Wrong person, right ? He is the principal and we are his agents. He is a father. We are his children. Most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we pass to freedom. remember we talked about that laying that nice foundation putting the keystones in place building and building that arch and then that simple concept of I'm not going to play God you place that keystone right in the middle of the arch and that key stone holds the structure of the ark from falling and this arch that we have we're going to pass through it triumphant to freedom! Woo! I have chills. That's amazing. What? Love it, right? And then here's promise. Here's another promise. Another promise. When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer. Oh, by the way, being all powerful he provided what we needed. Right? But here's the caveat. If we kept close to him and performed his work well Right? So if we're as close to God and we're performing his work he's going to provide what we need. Because he's all powerful. Remember when we read that? There's one who has all power that one is your sponsor now here's the result of this established on such a footing on what footing? that we're relying upon God, right? we became less and less interested in ourselves our little plans and designs more and more we became interested in seeing what we can contribute to life as we felt new power flow in as we enjoyed peace of mind as we discovered we could face life successfully as we became conscious of his presence we began to lose our fear of today tomorrow or the hereafter we were reborn what? we didn't even do anything yet we just took a attitude we make decisions you know what I'm going to quit playing God and that's just like just there okay are you playing God no well how do you know well because it's not about I don't want to be doing this I'm doing something else oh that's really cool because I just want to sit around and think I like sitting around and thinking they call them philosophers right That's what I'd like to do. I'm thinking, you know, what did the woman say? Her Irish father used to say, I'm contemplating the immensities. It's pretty... Like, wow, I like that. That's a good excuse, right? And I just thought, like, wow. So typical Irish, right. And I thought, well, I want to do that. I want that to be my profession. But see, that's all about me. I just want to sit there and hatch these wonderful and glorious things so that way people talk about me when I'm long gone which is about me anyway that's definitely selfish and self centered oh but you don't understand I'll contribute to the world I'll be contributing to life how about you get off your ass and go work oh yeah but that doesn't that doesn' t want me to do it God wants me to think ok well think while you're working how about that You know, I believe in Goya. Goya is one of my favorites. You know the Goya diet. That's my favorite. You know Goya means get off your ass. You know? Goya It'll catch up later. Alright. So now look at all of that. All of that we are now at step three it says. All of what we are doing We are now except We're not there yet? No, we're there now. Okay? and then here comes that third step prayer it's gorgeous many of us said to our maker as we understood him colon God I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power thy love and thy way of life may I do thy will always that's all about I'm the tool just use me and I love it relieve me of the bondage of self relieve I'm not relieving me God's relieving me of bondage of self self isn't free it's not freeing it's very constricting put yourself in a straitjacket Most people in straitjackets are because it's about self on that, right? You know, it's just and it's an offering. We're offering. I'm giving you, I'm givin' you me. You know what they're saying? Would you like a cup of coffee? Yeah, sure, thanks. That'd be nice. Right? Victory over them. Victory. Meaning I've won. Right? You gave me power. You relieved me of the bondage of self. You took away my troubles, and now we're victorious over them. And in this particular instance, it's about my alcoholism. God took that away. I didn't. God did. I sought Him, and He could, and He did. That's awesome, right? So it's not, you know, I was advised I need to change the views. you know, to be used. You know, your will, your power, your love, your way of life, your will. It's not my love, it's not My Power, My Way of Life, My Will. That brought My S-A-A. Alright? Now here's some instructions. Oh, what's this word? We thought well before taking this step. We said, what? We're not allowed to do that. Right? We're never allowed to think. Are you thinking again? You didn't bottomize yourself at the door. Wrong person's doing the thinking. Right? So now, so before we take this step, before we say this prayer, okay, we think well. We think well, and we have conditions on what we're supposed to be thinking about. One, making sure we were ready. Right? And the second one is that we should at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him. Those are heavy-duty thoughts, man. It's not just simple and just kneel down and hold my hand and we're going to say this. What am I saying? What am i actually saying? I've got to think... Whoa! Slow down, Jack! I've got to think about this for a minute what am I doing? I'm giving up me I'm abandoning me everything I think and that's why I told this person let me explain something to you everything that you think is wrong because that's how it is when I got sober everything I thought was wrong that's like, you know, you go to meetings and you see that upside down think, think, thing sign because we have upside down thinking it's about turning our thinking around It's about doing, you know, where it says later on, common sense becomes uncommon sense. It's a matter of doing things that we normally wouldn't do, that don't make sense to us because we don't have any sense. You know, if we're doing something because we're driven by hundreds of forms of self, we're just, okay, I don't, I mean, how many times did you say to somebody, a newcomer or even a teenager, I want to do that. I don' t want to d o that. No, you're going to make coffee? I don''t want to make cof ee. Nobody asked you if you wanted to make c o f e e. You're going t o d o th at. Because that's what you need to do. How do you know what I need to be doing? I know a lot better than you. And you know why? Guess what? If you make the coffee, now you're not being selfish. Oh, look at her. Oh, really? It's like they just got a psychic punch in the head. And then people start to feel a little better about themselves. Oh, I'm making coffee for other people. I don't even drink coffee. Right? You ever heard those stories? You know, it used to be the ABCs, Astrays, Brooms and Chairs, back when we smoked. and you know and it's still to a certain degree has that measure of service that on a basic level you're doing something for another human being that's not about you right and that was kind of cool when I used to hear people tell stories about you know I used pick up ashtrays and then be like I didn't get a smoke you know okay we got it but obviously you didn't care what you were doing because you're still annoyed about it ten years later right okay so so it's about this facilitating this spiritual growth in human beings. Because that's what our job is. Our job is to be of maximum service to God, grow in effectiveness and understanding, carry this message to other alcoholic sufferers. Because we can't do it. We can't create the miracle. Only God can do that. We an offer access to it. You know, but it needs to be there. So now, okay, so now we're there. Alright, so I'll abandon myself. I thought, well, I'm sure I'm abandoning myself. Now what? Okay? So now we found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual advisor. A what? A spiritual advisor In AA, we call that a sponsor. Yeah, it doesn't say sponsor in the first time you've seen before. Go drink. I think it's cool that they said an understanding person like our wife I think that's cool that he wrote that because you know back in the beginning it was husbands and wives together it was a whole project there wasn't a separation until later on when Al-Anon developed more single people got involved in the fellowship and there was an uncomfortability to that You know, there's a whole litany of reasons. But I like that, you know, an understanding person such as our wife, I think that's kind of like, it definitely is that, paying homage. I agree with that 100%. You know their understanding, boy, because they were, right? And, you Know, best friend. Best friend is usually understanding. Best friend's usually your best friend despite you. they accept you even though you're that person who burned their couch or peed on you know, whatever I'm still a best friend so then he says but it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand and ironically enough there's plenty of those people in AA there's many sponsors who want to slow people down and say hey, you're not ready for the third step yet what are you talking about? Well, that's certainly somebody who misunderstands. Because our hope is in a connection to a higher power, not to a sponsor. You know, so we want to get that person past us. My job as a sponsor is to make that person who I'm sponsoring outgrow me. That they no longer need to pick up the phone and say, Hey Tim, you know, you think I should wear red today? yes you should wear red well I'm not going to and I think good right because that's what I want you know I don't need please I don' t need somebody to kiss my ass it's nice when they do I'd be lying if I said otherwise but I don''t need it man just their good life is enough for me to be a part of this see them 10 years later and think, I want to do that book with them. They don't even get it. Here they are. They're married with a wife and two kids and their life and they have a career and I was the jerk-off who made them do stuff. That's so cool. All right. That's God. I love that. Wonderful. So the wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea voicing it without reservation. Okay, two points there. Without reservation. So we need to say it with faith. Without reservation, we're not holding something back. So we'd be stuck on the step one again if we had a reservation. And this is the only part, like for me, my personal belief I don't pray out loud. My prayers aren't out loud for everyone to hear, to see how pious I am to see How Spiritual I Am because I'm praying. That's not for me. My prayers are quiet they're between me and my higher power and that's how it is this is the only point at which I'm taking someone through this process that I insist that they say a prayer out loud because it's part of the instructions so voicing it without reservation so vocing means give it voice okay that's what they did so I'm going to do what they said and that't it and then after that I'm like you know what I'm yeah the wording is quite optional when you're spiritual enough to write a third step prayer. How about that? Until then, why don't you just say this out loud and get out of the way, right? And then it says it here. This was only a beginning. Oh my God, this was only a beginning? And then here's another promise. Here's the third step promise. It's wonderful. It says, though if honestly and humbly made an effect, sometimes a very great one was felt at once. I don't know if you've ever, like, taken a third step with someone that's never done it before and they're in this process. You know, my process, here's what I do. I, you know, I take people through this and they get to a particular point. We get here and we say, and I get to this point, and I say, listen, I'm just going to sit here and I'm going to meditate for a while. And when you're ready, you say this prayer out loud. I don't make them kneel down I don' t make them hold my hand, I don''t do any of that stuff because it's their God it's not my God that I'm asking them to be a part of so I say that then, I say when you're ready you say it out loud and sometimes there's longer than others it's almost like it becomes a battle of will they're thinking that I''m going to break it open my eyes are you going to say it yet? You know, but I'm not ever. I mean, I'll sit there for hours if I need to because that's where God wants me, right? Because they're thinking well. They have decisions that need to be made and I'm an understanding person so I understand that their decisions are heavy duty, right, because they've already made a decision to turn their thinking and their actions over to this God as they understand. So they have to have some sort of understanding of God, of their own God. So we've already gone through that. So they thought well about it, right. they thought well. And they're going to abandon themselves to that process, to whatever it is that they believe is going to restore them to sanity because it's not going to be me. Right? So now they could voice it without reservation. And when they do, they do it and I always ask them this question. I'm like, how do you feel? What was the effect? And they are like, I don't know man, I can't describe it. It was just, you know, it's like weird. like immediately it's never been like you know I said it was alright you know I didn't ask them how was the pizza you know like I just asked them like how was it offering your entire life to that thing that you think is going to restore you to sanity and it's going to relieve your alcoholism that has one power that has all power in your life how does that feel whew it's heavy it's a heavy duty it's wonderful if the wonderful would be a part of that, right? So we're going to get there which is great which is a great setup because now you're feeling God that consciousness of God that reborn when you're offering you know those promises before He provided what we needed we performed this work well we're established on a footing we're great so then what's going to happen? Next we launched on a course of vigorous action the first step of which was a personal house cleaning which many of us have never attempted though our decision was a vital and crucial step vital, necessary for life crucial, a turning point it could have little oh what's this word permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us our liquor was but a symptom so we had to get down to the causes and conditions Causes and conditions of what have been blocking us From God So next week I'm going to bring some papers That you can take And you'll be able to follow that within Because we're going to start on the fourth step We're going through that Hopefully I'll get through most of it next week In the new year We're starting the new years with the fourth steps Isn't that exciting? A new inventory for the new Year So, you know It's a lot of work we've done so far one, two, three man sets us up for that launch right it's kind of cool I like to do that backwards you know like three two one force them freedom this is pretty awesome right so that's where we're at so everybody have a happy and safe new year hopefully I'll see some of you tomorrow night alright