Why No Amends Means No Promises – Anthony A.

About This Speaker Tape

11:00 AM on a Monday, lying in bed under the covers, convinced that staying still means no one is getting hurt. Anthony A. knows this lie. He describes the "insatiable appetite" for approval and the self-consumption that keeps a man stagnant, even when he is sober. For years, he was "drunken" without the bottle—a man in a suit who didn't want to go to work because he hadn't cleaned his side of the street.

He warns against the "hangover Mormon" act of alternating between self-loathing and blaming the family. True amends aren't about "crawling" or "scraping" to feel better; they are about laying cards on the table without hurting third parties just to ease one's own burden. No amends means no promises. He argues that the "new freedom" only materializes when a person stops practicing evasion and accepts the pain of honesty. He stands as a representative of a Higher Power, not a servant, refusing to delay out of fear.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Anthony discusses the 'stagnant' feeling of staying in bed and how it still harms others.
• 2:30 Discussion of Step 9 and the caveat regarding injuring others during amends.
• 5:15 Anthony reflects on his years of 'sober drunkenness' and staying in bed on Mondays.
• 8:40 Laughter: Discussion of 'hangover Mormons' and the tendency to rehash harrowing episodes.
• 12:10 Warning against making amends solely for the 'peace of mind' of the speaker.
• 16:30 Analysis of the 'insatiable appetite' for approval and praise as a definition of alcoholism.
• 21:00 Discussion of the 'COVID line' and making amends via letters or digital means.
• 25:40 Anthony reads the Promises from page 83 and discusses the 'magic show' of self-pity disappearing.
• 29:15 Reflection on the 'shepherd' metaphor and gaining interest in one's fellows.
• 32:00 Anthony shares his experience of rushing through all his amends in one afternoon in 1996.