Woke Up from an Eighteen-Day Coma and My First Thought Was How to Get Back to the Liquor Store — Step Two Is Real — Grace F.

If the river keep a-rising, water's gonna overflow. Let's have an A&E. My name is Julie, and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting on NaviZoom, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our NaviZoom room tonight and listening later on abluchipspeakers.org, desperately in need, will hear tonight's speaker, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, Yes, I am one of them, too. I must have this thing. Hello, everybody. My name is Grace. I am an alcoholic, and I am happy to be here tonight. I am nervous. I don't usually get too nervous, but I'm pretty nervous, so I want to say that first. But an old timer told me one time, if you tell the truth, you can't mess up the truth. So I'm going to keep that in mind when I start talking. My sobriety date is... November 1. My last drink was October 31st on Halloween, and believe me, it was a nightmare, 2014. And I'll tell you how I got to that point. I'm from a little town out of Seattle, and it's Tacoma, Washington. But, you know, as I look back, I even lied about that because I was ashamed. Anybody would ask me where I was from. I would always say Seattle or some of the other big cities in Washington State. And it was very rare, except for it was somebody that knew I lived there, that I would say that I was from Tacoma, Washington. And it goes way back to, like I said, when I was a childhood. I was thinking about this a little while ago and how long I was really a little timid, insecure, didn't want to be myself, little girl. And, you know... I did grow up in an alcoholic home. My mom was a single mother, and she was an alcoholic. And I had no clue what alcoholic was or what it wasn't. So I was angry at her, and I blamed her for my childhood. I blamed her throughout my whole teen years and half of my 20s and 30s because I didn't know at the time that she had a disease like I have today. I just thought she was... Just doing those things. You know, I have two sisters and a brother. And it was four of us and my mom. And growing up, like I said, it was tough. It was different. But it was still love. And I don't know if that makes sense when I say it, but I know it because I feel it in my heart. She was loving. She wasn't an angry drunk. But she was loving, like overbearing. You know, she'd get drunk. We all had to... Be where she was in the house. She got drunk. We had to sleep where she was. She just wanted us near her all the time. And she cried a lot. And now I know all these are symptoms. You know, she cried a lot. She'd be happy, but she cried a lot. She was depressed. But anyway, she ended up dying very young of this disease of alcoholism. She was only 36 years old. And I was the oldest, and I was 19. So that was pretty tough because I had to become an adult at that time. And I had to... I had to take care of my sisters and my brother. And by this time, I had two children of my own two brothers. So, you know, I was angry. I was hurt. I didn't want to be me. And that lasted a long, long time. You know, I just didn't know what to do. But I knew I had to do the best that I could. So my story is not that I drank when I was young or 12, 13. That's not my story. Even in my teens, that wasn't my... That's not my story because I was always responsible. Being was trying to be responsible the best that I could. You know, at that age, you know, what can you really do? But I went on, you know, and I started working when I was 16. So by the time my mom had passed away, and she OD'd. And to tell the truth, I did not tell anybody about her OD'ing until I came into this program and got with my sponsor. And I was honest about it. I would lie. I would lie about that also to anyone who came and got... Well, what happened to your mom? Well, she died in a car accident. Well, what happened to your mom? I would make up so many lies that I started believing the lies. But it took me to come into Alcoholic Anonymous years later for me to sit down with my sponsor. And that was the first time in my entire life that I told another human being exactly what happened to my mom. I carried that for 40, almost 40-something years. Because once... Again, I was ashamed. And I didn't want to be me. I didn't want my life. I didn't want anything to do with me at all. But I took care of what I had to. And that was my sisters and my two children. And I did that. You know, until I was in my late 20s. And when they started venturing off doing their own thing, you know, they were getting older. And they kind of left. But, you know, with me re-earning them, I did the best I could. But the... The other two of them ended up doing drugs and alcohol. And one of my sisters, instead of going the way like we did to the drugs and alcohol, she went to the church. And she's still with the church today. That was my middle sister. She, you know, she had a choice too. But she went towards, you know, God. And the other three went over here living that kind of, you know, drug and alcohol life. And that's how it was for a long time. You know, I did the best I could. And... I... I... I... I... I wore a lot of masks. And I remember that today. I was still lying about who I was. Because I still didn't want to be me. You know, but... In the meantime, I was still accomplishing things. And as I look back, I don't know how I did. I did finish high school. I had some training at the university. And I can't remember what year it is. But anyway, I had training in the university. In the medical field, of all things. Because if you ask me anything about medical, now I'll probably pass out. And it's so funny. But I worked... I worked in a nursing home. And that's where I was. And I did. And I aced everything that I did. And sometimes I look back and I don't know how I aced everything that I did. You know, looking back on my life. And... But I worked. And I worked for everything that I had. And I made sure that we didn't do without. You know... I had to. And, you know, I don't know if that's different. But I had to. And I keep saying that. I had to. Because I couldn't let us... But as time went on, you know, I ended up marrying a soldier at Fort Lewis. And that's right out of Tacoma. And when I met him, I was so messed up. And I kept asking, why do you want me? You know, I didn't understand why he wanted me. And he said, I'm going to get you away from here. I'm going to give you a better life. And without me knowing at that time that geographical changes or somebody can save me, I had no clue that that was... Not the case. You know, of course, I do now. The geographical changes don't work. Nobody can save me, you know, from the pit of hell that I was living in. And... But he tried. So I let him try. But every duty station we went to, my alcoholism and drug addiction picked up. And every five... I mean, five, I can just name off the top duty stations we went to. And it just got so bad. We're... We end up separating. We got a divorce. In the meantime, I did have two children at that time. They're twins. They're 30 years old today. And it's getting so funny when I say they're 30 years old today. But I managed to do that. You know, he didn't have any children. So I said, okay, I'll give you one. You know, and that's the gap between my girls and the boys, 14 years. But I end up having two. And thank God we were in Germany or that would have turned out wrong. Because I didn't... I didn't drink as heavily. And I didn't use anything. I didn't drink anything else while we were in Germany. And that's where my boys were born. They were born in Germany. Osberg, Germany. But when we got here to Georgia, and this is why I'm going to start my story right here about my addiction. We got here to Georgia. And my addiction picked up in all ways possible. And I found myself leaving my home, leaving my children, leaving my husband. And because the alcohol and the drugs. I lost the battle with trying to keep them both. I couldn't do it. And I left them. And I didn't want to take my children with me. Where would I take them to? You know, I was out there on the streets and I didn't know what to do. But I just seen how cunning and baffling, as I look back on how cunning and baffling and powerful that drug was. Because I chose that over my family. And I regretted that too. So that took me deeper down in a bitter pill. You know. And I lived like that for five years. I lived like that on the streets, pillar to post, abandoned houses, cars, people's, you know, anything that I could get my hand on just to survive. I did that for five years right here in Hinesville, Georgia. Go figure. And, you know, it took me to go to jail for me to cry out. And it's so funny. When I got here, I heard that. I said, I got on my knees in that jail cell and I looked up and I said, God, please help me. And if you get me out here, I swear I won't use drugs anymore. And I didn't use drugs anymore after I got out. And that was 97. I didn't use drugs anymore. So, you know, now I'm going to go to the dry junk thing. I had no clue. Once again, I have to use AA again. What I've learned here is that I didn't know that I had to abstain from all moon altering drugs. So by me putting down the drug, I didn't realize I couldn't drink. Drinking is what got me to Alcoholics Anonymous. And I have to say that I'm grateful for that because I wouldn't have the life I have today. But I had abstained from any moon altering drugs for about eight years. And then one day I had a glass in my hand. And everybody is so funny because everybody around me, including my grown children. And all my friends, they say, you drink. And I say, yeah, I'm drinking. I'm not using drugs. You know, get a life. You know, I would say all kind of things to defend my drinking. You know, why? What you worried about it for? But I'm going to tell you guys within that time and six years later, I never knew that my life begins so bad. It tells us in the big book, a woman goes a lot quicker than a man. And I'm telling you, I'm one of those. That transformation in me. Within that five. So six years was horrifying to me and it was definitely horrifying to me because it started off slow. It started off, you know, just socially. Then I found out, you know, I was drinking, you know, every day. And that was fun for a while. But then I remember, you know, a lot of people say they can't remember that invisible line. And when I crossed that line of alcoholism on that other side. But I remember that because I woke up one morning, you know. And once again, I was still working. I've always worked. And I had a job on Fort Stewart. A civil service job. And what's so important for that is that I was drinking, okay, before work. I was drinking after work. Okay, you know, same thing we do, party late. Didn't want to get up, you know, and go to work, you know, and all this. The same old scenarios I was doing. But the key was I remember waking up one morning and I was shaking so bad where I didn't know what to do. So what I do, I come down here. And I look in the cabinet and get the bottle for a shot. And did everything calm down in my body? I said, well, wait a minute. That worked. You know, so I thought I found a cure, you know, so I could get through the day. But what it was, I had crossed that line. I could not move. I couldn't do anything without the alcohol in my body. And so I started drinking before work. So when I found out that worked, I started just taking the bottle to work. I would leave it in the car. And sooner, sooner than later on. I just started putting it in my work bag and taking it in. And, you know, and that went on for a couple of years. They knew I was drinking, but always got over because race is always doing what she does. And then. My boss, she was so in love with me. She knows to say, hey, she's this, you're that, blah, blah. And I know she overlooked my drinking as I had to make amends to her. We've talked about it many times. But this was the first woman in my life that guided me to do adult things. I didn't have a woman before that said, hey, Grace, that's wrong. Or, hey, Grace, let me show you how this goes. Or, Grace, go to school, get some more training. Go to school, get a degree. You know, she was pushing me. And I said, why does this woman care so much about me? And I hadn't had that before. I didn't know how that felt. I didn't know how it felt for somebody to love me and to take me. Even though she was my boss. But she was also my mentor. And I know that she really cared about me because she really wanted the best for me and wanted to see me strive. And she did that. And she kept pushing me out. Pushing me out in front of people. And I think that's what has me so, you know, I'm always, I love to talk. You know, you guys know that. And I don't have a fear of sharing in meetings. I don't have a fear of saying, hey, welcome to Alcoholism. I'm always on it. I'm right there trying to do it. Because I love being up front and doing it and greeting people and doing these kind of things. And on post, when my job was, I had to greet the generals, the colonels, anyone who came in, the chain of command. It went on and on in the military. And that was my job. And I love that. I've always loved that. And it worked for a while. It worked for a while. But 2013 was a year before I came here. And my drinking had got really bad. And at that time, you know, I was still hanging on. And I was going to work. And some days when I look back, I don't know how I made it there. You know, going through the gate, going to work, getting off, you know, just going, just getting through the day. And, you know, sometimes I look back and I know it was only the grace of God that carried me. Because I was driving drunk all the time. I was driving drunk. And I just thank God I was going to roadblocks. You know. And to me, my thing is, well, they can't smell vodka. I had other people in the car. They said, Grace, how'd you come? You can't smell vodka. That's when I was ignorant to that fact. They said, you can't smell white liquor. I believed them. I didn't smell it. You know. But now I know that was a ruse, too. You know. So I'm going through the roadblocks with the drink right there and saying, hey, how you doing? You know, having my paperwork. The key was, I could do this. I got all my paperwork in my hand. Because I had my registration already ready, my driver's license. You know. And my registration and everything. My insurance card at that time. Here you go, officer. How you doing? Oh, how you doing today? You know. Just talking my way right through there. Drunk as I could be. And I remember these things as I look back over the history of my drinking. When I sat down and did the 12 steps of alcohol economics with my sponsor. But my life was so insane. So by this time, this is how my life was going. But I remember one time. I had a bad ankle. I have arthritis in my ankle. And I had worked so long, you guys. Like I said, I had worked most of my life. Because I was in a position where I didn't want nobody to give me anything unless I worked for it. I was never a taker. I was always a giver. And if you did do that, I've always been that kind of person. I'm going to make sure that I give it back. But the thing was, I was always wearing all these masks. I always had it going on. And I'm strong. I can do this and all this stuff. And I wore this mask. So now, that's coming back to bite me a little bit. And that's why I was anonymous. Because I found out it's okay for me to be vulnerable inside of me people. And that started with my sponsor. I did not know it was okay for somebody to sit next to me and hug me and let me cry. And be weak with. And the people who are closer to me in my life today still say, Grace, you put on that front. We don't ever know when nothing's wrong with you. So I have to be very careful to lower that. And it's okay. And nobody's going to judge me. Nobody's going to take advantage of me. And I could just be me. And with that being said, like I said, I worked until I couldn't work anymore. So with me working all my life. And then these people say, Grace, either. And once again, my manager, she helped me. She said, Grace, put this money in this retirement plan. I would have never done that to her. I didn't know anything about that. She said, Grace, I'm going to tell you. From my day one, she said, get this plan. And I'm going to tell you it's going to pay off later. And so when things got really bad in my job and I just couldn't work anymore, against all the doctors telling me years ago, Grace, you can't work, stop working. I said, I'm not going to stop. I can't stop. But when it came to the point, they said, Grace, this is what's going to happen. You know, by this time, they said, you're drinking all the time. Don't think we don't know it. What are you going to do? What you want to do? And I just cried. I didn't know what to do. This is before I knew about. Do you know these people called me the next day and said, well, we were looking into your paperwork. Since you've been here and you've been here 16 years and blah, blah, this and all that. And you got somebody a retirement plan. This is what we are offering. Still at that time. My my good works at that time, I see now got me over because they said, well, you know what? This is what we're going to do for you. They set it all up. I just said, OK. And I took the retirement plan and I did an early retirement in 2014. This was November. No, no, no. I'm sorry. November 2013. So from November 13 until the year later, I got here. I was sitting home and it was bad. I didn't know what to do. Not doing anything. I just lost my mind. The sanity kicked in. I didn't know what to do with myself. So I sat here and I drank myself into a Bolivian. I drank myself into suicidal thoughts. I drank. I drank myself to no one coming to check on me. None of my children, no sisters. The phone wasn't even ringing. I would pick up the phone and sit the phones off. I had alienated every single person in my life. And I was alone sitting in this house with the curtains closed, the TV on and a half a gallon right here. That was my life for a year. And it kept going. I remember when I got too sick. One thing about me. I always go to the doctor. I always have. And I go to hospital. So I went to the hospital within that year four times saying I had food poisoning. But I had alcohol poisoning. Every single time. But I would always lie about that too. You've been drinking? No. No. But on October 31st, and it's important that I say this, October 31st, it was like any other day. I got up drinking whenever I woke up. But that day, something was different. And I can't put my fingers on it today. But the liquor didn't taste right anymore. Now I know it wasn't working anymore. You know, it probably had stopped working long ago. But that day was my day. And I said, why my liquor don't taste right? So I would get it and pour some more cranberry juice in the vodka. You know, and then I'd pour some more vodka in the cranberry juice. And I'm saying something ain't right. It wasn't strong enough. So I started getting a glass and just pouring more vodka and more vodka. And it still just wasn't working for me. I didn't understand. I said, something's wrong. Oh, something's wrong with the liquor. Not me. Okay. Still insane. Totally did not realize it wasn't the liquor at all, but it was not working. So this is my last drunk. This is my last drink. I sit at that table, at my coffee table on the couch. And I'm still trying to figure out why this ain't working for me. But I remember pushing the glass. I remember pushing the glass to the middle. The coffee table. I said, I don't want it anymore. This ain't working. And then my chest started hurting. And I said, oh, crap. You know, heartburn. You know, so I took a couple of something, them pills, whatever they are. Xantax or something. But it still was hurting. And I couldn't figure out why it was hurting. I said, oh, well. Drunk. Oh, what? Not drunk. I don't know what I was at the time. Now I found out I was drunk. I got in the car. I said, well, I'm going to go down here to the hospital. Once. Again. And they're going to give me something for my acid reflux. And I'm going to come back and finish my half gallon. That was my story. And I'm sticking to it. Because I knew I had that half a half a gallon sitting right here next to this couch. And I was going to drink that. Totally insane. So I got in my car. I got my keys and stuff. And I went to the hospital. And I remember walking in that hospital. And I told my chest hurt. I said, it's just my acid reflux. I've been here many times. You know, with the lies. And. And saying. But this time it was different because that doctor looked at me. He said, have you been drinking? I looked dead in that man's doctor's face and said no. And that's the only thing I remember. Until six days later. Because they had induced me in a coma. Because I was dying. Now I find out if I didn't come to the hospital that night. Somebody would. Well, sooner or later would have found me in here on the floor. Dead. I don't. That's all I remember. I remember saying no to this man and mean and, you know, no, you know, and that's all I remember. And they induced me into the coma. And he said he told my children that I probably wouldn't make it. And if I did wake up, I'll get vegetable. So she probably she got about a 10 percent chance. And all this happened while I'm asleep. And I know I'm almost at my time, so I'm going to speed it up a little bit here. Um. When I woke up. And this is the insanity part, and this is not the way I wanted to go, but this is the way God wanted me to go to show that that coming to believe and I was insane because when I woke up, I had all my family around me for the first time I hadn't seen him. So I'm just everybody's just staring at me. It was just staring at me, including that same ex-husband. Right there looking at me. And they. The doctor. So, you know, if you drink again, you'll die. And I'm saying, you're not talking about one drink. Once again, I did not know I couldn't have one drink yet. So everybody looking at me like, what is wrong with you? You know, what is it? But that's not even the worst part of my insanity. My insanity came when after he said all that, they over there mumble jumping and doing what they're doing. I still wanted to drink. I just woke up out of a coma. I was in ICU for 18 days. I could not wait to try to find me a way to get to the liquor store. And now that I look back over that and went over that with my with my sponsor, the insanity is real. That's step two is real for me. And I have to I have to. I have to press that. Because I was insane at the end of my drink and I wanted to just run out in the middle of the street in my vehicle now. And just let it. 18 really just run me over. But I was a coward. So what I stopped doing was leaving the house. I wanted to make sure I said it because it's so important. That's another reason I didn't leave this house. But I will need to go to the liquor store. But the thing was, when I woke up, I wanted to still drink and that scared me. So I did everything I could to get to that liquor store. I did everything I could to get to the liquor store. After I got out of the hospital. I had to stay with my daughter for a week. That was the longest week of my entire life. Because I said, as soon as she dropped me off. At home, I'm going to liquor store. And that's insanity. That was insanity. And this is this is what happened to grace. You know, I have to get to the part where I got jacked off. But my daughter, after she dropped me off at home, I couldn't wait till she got around that corner. And I'm the director of this show. Just like it says in the big book. I was a director. The actor. I put all the things in place. I did everything. I had this whole play and movie ready to go. So soon as she hit one curve, I put who puts on all black. But this is what I did. I put on a black cap, some black clothes. I got in my car and I was making it to the. Lo and behold, what happens to grace? I pull up. Can't get out of the car. Go to the drive through. So I'm trying to get to the drive. You guys remember, I tell you, October one was my last drink. But this is what I tried to do. So I'm in. And I just say, Grace, we've seen you in a while. No, my name. And I asked her for the liquor. By the time I asked her for the liquor, a car swooped in there on me with these bright lights. I thought it was the police. And it was my daughter. It was my daughter. She jumped out the car and she looked at me like she did many other days. And she said, Mama, what is wrong with you? Something happened. That was my father. That moment, something happened to me that I'd never, ever felt before. When I said, I don't know. I'm going to find an AA. I ain't. I've never said that an entire day in my life. But it came out my mouth right in front of the liquor store, sit right there outside with my daughter. And all those things years before never mattered. But that moment was when things changed for me. And I told her I was going to an AA meeting and I did. But still stubborn, still thinking, insane again. It took me three days to turn the knob to my home group. First day I went to there to the meeting. I knew where it was. I knew she knew she was going to be asked to me. So I went, sat in the parking lot. I said, is this where the AA meeting is? Yeah. Took off, came home. And I said, I'm going to go drink. But I didn't. But God, I know it was a God. Because I didn't drink. But I wanted to. But I came home. The next day I went again. And I stood out there the whole hour in the parking lot. But as soon as they opened up that door, they start coming out. I couldn't even start the car fast enough. And I'm trying to take off before anybody came out and see me. But that third day, and then my daughter asked me that day. She said, Mama, how's the AA meeting? I said, fine. Fine. It was good. Oh, okay. But the way she looked at me, I knew something was up. So I said, you better take your butt in there tomorrow or she's going to come and find you. So what I did, and I don't know if that was God working through her. But that third day I walked into my home group, which is a head and up group. And I've been there ever since. But I was broken. I had a gift of desperation. I didn't know what to do. And I didn't know what to do. And I told those people right out the gate. And that's why I had to be honest. For the first time in my life, I was honest with them. And I said, I still want to drink, but I'm here. Okay. You know, and then I started hearing people talk. And they was talking about the pain. And then they was talking about what they'd been through. And I said, wait a minute. You know, wait a minute. These people are thinking like me. I've never heard anybody know my thoughts. They were sharing and they were saying all these things. And I said, that's me. I could feel the pain. And one man looked over at me. He said, I'm here because of the pain. And I could relate to that. So I kept coming back. I didn't want to. They said, Grace, keep coming back. They would put their arms on me and hug me and all this stuff and say, keep coming back. You're not alone anymore. You're not alone anymore. Because all my life, I thought I was alone in everything that I've done. I wanted to drink every time I left that meeting. In the beginning. But I didn't. I remember getting home some days holding the steering wheel so tight just to drive straight home where my hands were numb. But I came home and I didn't drink. I didn't drink. Till one day, I didn't want to drink. And that was a miracle for this alcohol. That's a miracle for me. Because I never thought that day would ever come that I would not want to drink. And then, I still couldn't talk. I couldn't read. I was so wet-brained and my brain was not functioning right. And the only thing that I heard was what they were sharing about their experience and hope. Everything else, I couldn't understand. You know, but I had a God. But not the God I have not had a religious God. But something helped me to keep coming back. And I'm here today. And today, I'm so passionate about alcoholism. And now I'm so, I said, anybody can do this. If I could do this, you could do it. And I'm hard. And I know I am. I'm a hard sponsor. You know, but God has blessed me with women in my life today that has changed my life. I have a sponsor who has a sponsor. We're all in this together. And for the first time, I have women in my life that I love and I trust. And now I have NAVA. I'm just so addicted to NAVA because I got a bigger group that I didn't even know existed. And that's all because of Zoom. And I have a God that's so big, I can't put him in a box. And he's part of my everyday life. I continue to work alcoholic anomalies. I continue to live it. And I wake up not thinking about race anymore. And I thought about this earlier. And I'm going to close with this. I've got about three minutes left. I had to ask myself, who do you wake up and think about? Or who do you go to bed thinking about? If I'm doing that without me, I've got this bad habit. I've got this bad habit. But I don't. I wake up thinking about the people in my life. I have grandchildren today. I have a great-grand that just had a first birthday party on Saturday. A great-grandchild that has not seen me drunk. I have my smallest grandchildren that has not seen me drunk. And I live for them, too. Not only live for them, I live for me. But I want to make sure they don't see me drunk. I have all of my children back in my life. I have my sisters and my brothers. I have so many people in my life that I know it's all miracles. Because I'm a firm believer that miracles happen in here. I don't care where you come from or what you got in there. But if you stick and stay, I hear that all the time, it's just stay. Not just keep coming back. But they taught me stay, no matter what. No matter what, just stay. Because it is hard. But I know it's harder out there. So I have to continue to stay here and be available for the next, sick and suffering alcoholic. And to be open-minded to learn from the people who got here before. And that's my biggest deal. I am open-minded to learn from the people. You can put your hand on my shoulder today. And I don't do like, I know, I know, I'm listening. Because if you guys could do it, my thing is, I'm going to do it, too. I've never been a quitter. And I'm not a quitter now, even on a bad day. But I have to be very careful when my life is going good. I make more of me. I make sure I'm in conscious contact with God. Because it's easy for grace to run here when things are bad. Oh, God, I got to get through my life. No. When my things are good, because my life is so good right now, I pinch myself. And I thank God all through the day for the life I have today. I'm not in need for anything. Mentally, spiritually, physically, financially, anything. All of those lifestyle promises have come true today. And I walk with my head up. But I also walk. And I walk humbly. And I don't talk about humbly a lot or humility. Because if you're talking about it, you don't have it. So it's very seldom I like talking about it. Because it's about attraction, not promotion. And I'm going to end with that. I love all you guys. Thank you for letting me share my story with you. Thanks. Thank you, Grace. I knew that was going to be fantastic. I knew it. And it was. Oh, my. That has made me happy. I'm so glad to know you better. And, yeah, it's about the pain. At the end of the day, it's not about how much money you got in the bank or how much stuff you lost or how many DUIs. It's a pain. It's an emotional pain that gets most people here. We do want to open it up for a few minutes if anybody wants to just talk about how fabulous. Tim, I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Grace, that was real AA. That was authentic. And it was true. And everybody here knows that. And there was one thing you said early that stuck in my head. I remember experiencing that when I was isolated and drinking, picking up the phone to make sure there was a dial tone. Because the phone hadn't rung for days. And when you said that, I had shivers up and down my spine. Thank you, Grace. Betty, did you want to say something? Hi, family. I'm Betty. I am an alcoholic. And I am also... Also, Grace has sponsored it. And good job, Grace, for one. And, you know, over the years, I've sponsored a lot of women. And just a small handful have completed, which is normal. You know, have finished their steps and stayed and continue to be sober one day at a time. But Grace was very interesting for me. And I think Grace forgot to tell you that she was a crybaby when she came in here. She said she was going to share that, so I'm not breaking her anonymity. She cried. And I hugged. And we cried. And we related. You know, I think her sobriety, after working with her, her sobriety is based on her honesty. And really opening up. And, you know, being her sponsor, I have also learned from Grace. And she knows how grateful I am. You know, she has helped me grow spiritually in leaps and bounds. And we have different gods. You know, from the get-go, we have different gods. But she has helped me grow. And astronomically, she's been fun to sponsor. And is fun to sponsor. Sometimes difficult to sponsor. But, wow. Good job, Grace. I appreciate everything you said tonight. Thank you. Thank you, Gary. My name's Gary. I'm a psychologist. Hi, Gary. Wow. That's my brown-eyed girl right there. That's Dave. She kicked my ass on December 17th. She remembers. I remember. I was so scared to come back. And, Grace, you knew it. You knew. You saw this lonely little child. You gave me that look of a mother that said, It's okay, baby. You're here. And I said, Okay. Because after I saw Leroy earlier, I was ready to run for the damn hills. And, you know, you kept me there. And I just felt it. I've never since, Grace. So, all I can say is I'm grateful to have you in my life. And I know you know that we both know. I'm Kelly. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Kelly. Hi, Grace. I could listen to your story every day. Grace was my sponsor. So, we have a little sponsorship family going on in here. And Grace is such a presence in AA. And if she didn't go through the things she just told you about, we wouldn't. We wouldn't have a path to follow that's as strong as hers. She gives us AA in all the ways you can get it. In the book. In passion. In love. And it's just, it's been amazing. And so, I'm so grateful that I have you to follow. And that you had Betty. Because we also have Betty. And it goes on and on. Links in the chain. So, love you. Thanks for sharing your story. Kelly, thank you for sharing that. Cheryl? Hey, my name is Cheryl. I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, thank you, Grace. It was wonderful hearing your story again. Like they say, it gets better with time. You know, it's seasoned real well. And I started tearing up when you were saying you didn't have a woman to push you. You know, because you've been the first woman to push me in my life. And it is a great feeling when you have somebody that's by your side. And especially. And AA, you know, and you've been a jewel. Thank you. Hi, Grace. I'm Jane. And thank you. That was such a cliffhanger. You know, praise God that you didn't go over the cliff. But anyway, it was a close call. And just appreciate you sharing and the meetings. You know, thank you so much for sharing tonight. I am sure you can. I am an alcoholic. Thank you, Grace. Thank you. And I love you. I am a police. I'm alcoholic. Grace is also my sponsor. I just really want to say to you, Grace, thank you for sharing your story once again with all of us and giving back. And every time you share, there's always a piece of you of your story that I can always relate to. to since the first day i met you i already knew her name was i was like who's this grace every time grace spoke when i got to had enough it was like she was like looking deep inside like right here and i just i just love when you speak and you you touch me and you've changed my whole life from my whole life like any piece of it that i have that a has given back to me you've helped me get there and i know we don't like to put things on pedestals but you definitely you know what i want to say so thank you go ahead ireland thank you i'm ireland i'm an alcoholic grace thank you thank you thank you i related so i was right there with you when you were talking about telling so many lies i believed it myself and uh the mask war and like you and I would say oh I'm strong and we are we were just misguided but we are strong women and you're such a strong positive addition to this group already I am amazed at just how beautifully you were able to speak my thoughts and I do remember I remember how when I had to drink on the job because my hands were shaking so badly I can remember everything about that and also pulling the drapes and phone not ringing and then when it did it was somebody it was an answer prayer that I been praying dear God help me that we are all familiar with dear God help me stop drinking and it was an old roommate called to tell me about AA and that was God working through people and God worked through me so beautifully today that I am just truly truly touched by how powerful you are and your message is thank you earlier today I gave the acronym for grace gently releasing all conscious expectations and I tell you what you surpassed any expectation I may have had thank you grace keep water overflow keep keep water overflow overflow just like that old river baby it's my time to go