Willingness Started the Size of a Fingernail and That Was Enough to Build a Life On – Art S.

All right, let's have an AA meeting. My name is Chris Ward. I'm a Grateful Recovered Alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the Nava Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one or more years of sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our own personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabluchipspeakers.org desperately in need will hear our speaker, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, Yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. My name's Tim, and I'm an alcoholic. Hey, everybody. Art is just getting back from Houston, and he got sober here at Nava in 1998. I happened to see him at the Atlanta Men's Workshop this last March, and Robert was a featured speaker at that session also. So, you guys know Robert? Get to know Art. He's really something. I have been described as really something. That's not my first time. I have no idea what you're going to hear tonight. I am not a circuit speaker. I'm not an AA speaker. If I'm anything in Alcoholics Anonymous, it's the cheerleader. I should be in a tutu and pom-poms. Go change. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Seriously, I'm a frustrated comedian. I'd much rather be funny than be real. But I'm going to attempt, and I've asked God to help me be real. Help me be genuine. There's not enough of that in the world, and sure, not enough of that where I live. I need to be genuine. So, my name's Art Sutherland, and I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Art. They asked me if I'd use my last name, and I would never walk to this podium and not use my last name. In the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, you need to know my last name if you ever intend to get a hold of me unless I give you my number, and I will. I have put it on speaker tapes, but since I've just moved back from Houston, I ain't really learned my phone number, so I'm not going to do that tonight. I used to, as part of my talk, leave my phone number, and there's a guy that took my place at the company I work for in Houston, Texas, and it's still getting calls from y'all wondering, what the hell did I do with this? He didn't know I was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous until after I left Houston, so he does now. He does now. My sobriety date's January the 20th of 1998, and my sponsor's a guy named Bill S. from Roswell, Georgia. He was my sponsor when I went to Texas. He was my long-distance... He was my long-distance sponsor the time I was in Texas, and he's my sponsor again. I'm grateful for men like Bill. Bill is my fourth sponsor. I worked the steps with the first sponsor that I got willing to ask. Actually, if you want to count the one I claimed was my sponsor, during my treatment time, they had this meeting sheet we had to fill out, and we wrote down the name of our sponsor, and there's a guy named Jim somewhere in the fellowship that did not know he was my sponsor, but he went on that meeting sheet every week. I don't recommend that. That is not how I got sober. I had to do some more drinking before I heard what y'all was trying to tell me to do. But I've had a wonderful life, and part of what I want to be real about is the drunk-a-log part. I'll be real short with that, because I need to remember what it was like. And if you're in this room, I doubt seriously if you need to hear my drunk story. You've got one of your own, and if you're here, I'm quite confident that it's significant enough to warrant you being in a room of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm glad you're here. I may not say anything that means anything to anybody, but what I've learned about Alcoholics Anonymous is men and women get up here like this, and I sit out there like that, and I can be in the hideous, most traumatic turmoil I've ever experienced, and you'll come up here and say something, God will through you, that'll touch my soul and give me the peace that I seek. Because the book taught me that I drank, essentially, because I like the alcohol, I like the effect. So I'm all about effect. And if God can somehow touch my soul, and it gives me that effect that I seek, then I win. And that's what y'all have done for me. Hey, that's enough. That's what Alcoholics Anonymous has done for me. I didn't need Alcoholics Anonymous when I was a kid. I had BB guns and slingshots, and I could cause all sorts of turmoil, you know, on my path here. I did not drink until I was 21 years old. And I'm probably... How many people waited until they were 21 to drink? Awesome! Thank you, brother! Yes, there is one amongst us. I am not alone. I've done that before, and I've been the only one in the room, so thank you very much. Thank you. It wasn't by virtue that I waited until I was 21. My mother was a God-fearing woman. A good old Southern Baptist, independent Southern Baptist woman. And my life as I knew it was over. If I'd have drank around her, if I'd have snuck and drunk, she would have caught me. And it would have been bad. So I stayed sober out of fear. It wasn't by some virtue. But I knew if you go to A-Rab, Alabama, and that's... That may be my problem. How many Georgia fans have I got here? I'm from Alabama, so that may be my problem. You know, y'all could attest to that. But anyway, if you go to A-Rab, Alabama, Marshall County used to have wet-dry referendums. Every four years, they'd vote wet-dry. You know, dry, dry, dry. And I grew up in church. I was the... Man, I sing. I'm not a speaker, but give me a microphone, man. I'm at home if I know the words to the song. And I... I love to sing. And so I'm comfortable up here, comfortable with a microphone. But when I start talking about me, even though that's my favorite subject, I get rather nervous and scattered. You know, I'll squirrel. You know, that kind of stuff. But... So I grew up in this Baptist church. My mom was the charter member of this Baptist church. She was one of the original members. And when she passed, she was the only remaining living... charter member of that church. And so I had a standard to uphold. And so they needed a campaign manager for the dry referendum coming up. And I'm barely 18. Might have been 19 by then. But if you go back and... Let's see, that would have been 72, 73, 74, sometime in there. And look in any of the Marshall County newspapers, paper publications, there'll be a dry ad in there campaigning for the dries. And down at the bottom, it'll say, J. Arthur Sutherland, manager. You know, I was trying to manage then. I was running the dries. And I was popular in church. I was, man, I was top chef. Just a kid, but I was top chef. My ego was getting fed every Sunday and every Wednesday night by this work that I was doing for the drives. And I don't know when, I know today, at some point in time, in that campaign, I decided I would drink. I knew from when I was a kid and mom bought me a BB gun for Christmas and I found it before... She had it hid and I found it before Christmas. And I'd take it out and play with it and put it back up before she got home from work. Well, she learned about that, Robert. You know, somehow she figured that out that I was using the gun. I don't know, but she figured it out. And so I didn't get the gun at Christmas. It was later on. So, that lesson, y'all will hear this twisted thinking. That lesson was, she is bound and determined for me not to have any fun. So then I moved forward a few years and the big deal, the whole church, especially my mom and family, was making about this. This wet-dry referendum. They were just trying to keep me from having fun. So I knew I was going to drink. But I knew I was going to wait until I was 21. I was not going to drink while I was in my mom's house. On the back porch of a house in Fairbanks, Alaska, in May of 1976, I took my first drink. It was wine. I don't think any grapes were involved in this stuff. But if that had been the only thing alcoholic, there would have been a different speaker here. I would not be here because I would not, be an alcoholic because I had no interest whatsoever in drinking anything else anymore. But my host that I was living with up there says, okay, we'll go to the club tomorrow night and we'll see if we can't find you something you like. And for the next seven years, Canadian Club and 7-Up was a staple. And by somewhere between the second and third one, you all have all heard that in different AA stories, there's somewhere between the second and third one. I don't know if it was the second and third one or fourth and fifth one. I don't know where it happened. But all of a sudden, man, I was a dancing fool. I could dance. I mean, I could cut the rug big time. Now, some of the folks that knew me back then said that wasn't dancing. But I thought it was. And I thought I was good at it. But, well, the truth hurts, don't it? So, anyway, I knew, I knew I was just going to drink. The sense of ease and comfort that the book talked about. And when I got here, and y'all started showing me the black part of the book, they stressed to me that that was the important part. Don't spend too much time with the white part of the page. Pay attention to the black. And if it's in italics, pay extra attention. But, you know, the sense of ease and comfort that I sought, it happened. It was in that Canadian club in 7-Up somewhere. And, of course, you know, then I learned about some other substances that enabled me to consume significantly more alcohol. And, you know, I love having a conversation in Alcoholics Anonymous about singleness of purpose. I respect Alcoholics Anonymous tremendously. And I won't speak about my other stuff too much from the podium. But, but trust me, if it gave me anything close to a sense of ease and comfort, I participated in it. I am not, I'm sorry, I'm not a true, pure alcoholic. Name it, I probably tried it. And, you know, I don't mean that arrogantly. I was a desperate, I was a desperate, lonely child, a kid, in an adult, in an adult's body, wanting to fit in and be comfortable. So, if you indicate, if I looked at you, listen to me, I'm judging my insides by your outsides and that book teaches me not to do that. But that's the way I was when I got here. That's what I was doing. And so, if you looked comfortable and you were standing on your head in the corner naked, I'd be, me on my head in the corner naked. That, I mean, that's just, you know, it didn't have anything to do with the substance. And then when y'all showed me the part in the book about we drink essentially because we like the effect, I understand that effect. That was magical to me. I understood that. So it rocked on and I, drinking just got worse and worse and worse. Worse and worse. And after about nine, ten years in Fairbanks, I decided it was Alaska that was the problem. And I moved back to, I moved back to Alabama and I, I can walk within ten feet of where I tossed it out the window. But I tossed eight grams of alcoholic powder out the window. And, and I quit. I got back involved in the church. Remember? I got back involved in the church and I quit. And that was 1984. And I took my next drink in 1992. And I did not have any fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had nothing but the church. The church and the family experience that I had growing up helped me that, what, eight years I guess. And I didn't realize it today, but as I'm doing my step work with my sponsor, that first time through the four-step, and we sit down and did the fifth step together, he said, can you not see that? And I had it all written down. But I still couldn't see how, pardon me, bad-ass crazy I was. I mean, I was crazy. And I was, I was in church every Sunday, every Sunday night, and every Wednesday. I was, I was teaching Sunday school. I was teaching kids Sunday school on Sunday. Sunday morning. And just bat-crazy. And I got this sales job opportunity with a national company in Birmingham, Alabama. And I landed the biggest account that I'd ever, I mean, man, I'm fixing to make more money than God. And I'd never dreamed I'd make that kind of money. And there I was. So I threw myself a party. And I'm, I'm not drinking. But I threw myself a party. And at that party I drank. There was an adequate amount of alcohol showed up for me. I mean, I don't know what the other guys drank. But we had a, we had a party. And at that party I was introduced to the powdered alcohol I just mentioned. And, you know, I'm grateful for alcohol and it would have gotten me here. But the other stuff that I participated with got me here quicker even than I would have got here with just alcohol. So I'm grateful for that. And I, I had a counselor one time in rehab say she was a grateful alcoholic and I looked at her. Lori, you're crazy. How can you claim, how can you sit there and claim to be grateful? To be an alcoholic. How many in here set out to be, did you want to be an alcoholic this morning? I'm completely okay. I've got, I've got two kids. I've got three, if you count the marriage steps that I have, which is, awesome. And then I've got five grandkids. And today in Alcoholics Anonymous I'm not afraid of what they do or get into. I learned coming down here, sometime during the day today I get a call from my youngest daughter. My oldest grandson is on a two day suspension for carrying a box cutter to a school up in Gainesville. So guess what? You know, if I had hair, I'd pull it out. Not really. Not really. What y'all have given me, I'm completely, completely comfortable with him following the path. As long as I can stay close enough to him to help with the message. I'm completely comfortable with him following the path he needs to do. Y'all saved my ass and it wasn't savable. Reckon what you're going to do for Elijah. And there'll be a little more about Elijah in a minute. I think I know who's got Elijah in his hands. I think I'm really clear. And if he finds Alcoholics Anonymous, it'll be, because the big guy sends his butt in here. And it'll be good for him. Just like it's good for me and I hope it's good for you. So anyway, the bitter end came in, my first treatment came in 96. So that's 92 when I started back drinking. And I drank several years before I got willing to do the, two or three years there, before I got willing to participate with the powder stuff again. And then it was, it was on. It was just on. It was, it was on. So I wound up coming to Atlanta. I wound up in an outpatient thing in Huntsville, Alabama. And I never slowed down. And two, three days before, three days before I was supposed to coin out, they called it, coin out, graduate from that outpatient program, they asked me to pee in a cup. Can y'all believe they would ask me to pee in a cup? Well, they did. And guess what? Yeah, they wouldn't let me graduate. I said, but I'm so close. Days. Lori says, you've been using the whole time. We've just been kind of tolerating you here to get close to this. She knew it the whole time. She was like, my mama, how do you know? She did. And she was right. I don't know whether she knew it or not or if that was just a good call, but it was a good call. I was guilty. Never slowed down. So we suggest, and by that time they knew my employer, we suggest you do an intensive inpatient treatment. We know of one in Atlanta. So I came to Atlanta. That was in sometime 96. And so it's a 90 day program. And some of you guys have been through it. And it's an awesome program. I just had my daughter-in-law ask me about her sister. She said, I don't know. I don't know. She said, I don't know. I don't know. She said, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. She said, I don't know. She said, I don't know. She said, I don't know. She said, I don't know. She said, I don't know. into some stuff. And she says, what I do. I said, I can only point you to one person. I said, what they did for me, I recommend that. So I'll give you one phone number. And so I reckon they may have found, anybody heard of Penfield? I think they're going to put this girl, my daughter-in-law's sister in Penfield. And I mean, I've heard lots of good stuff about it. Anyway, so 90 day program, they let me go at 88 days because I was working on short-term disability. I was getting 80% of my big-ass paycheck while I was in treatment. And I never heard a thing. I read that stuff on the wall. It didn't mean a whole lot to me, but I know if they've got a book, give it to me, I'll figure it out. Sponsor? What's that? Oh, NASCAR. I know about sponsorship. I'll wear a decal. You know. But it didn't work. So they let me go at 88 days and I strut my butt back over to Alabama and go back to work at that job thinking, telling myself in my head that I was such a good patient at MAR, at this treatment center here in Atlanta, that they saw I was doing so good, they let me go at 88 days instead of making me complete the 90-day program. That lasted three months. And the wheels run off. I don't know that I... Oh, yeah, I did. I went to a couple of meetings. At six months, I went to my little old meeting there in Arab, Alabama. They had one meeting a week in Arab, Alabama. It was on a Thursday night and they didn't have a six-month chip for me. They offered me two three-month chips, but, oh, wait a minute. Do you all know who you're dealing with here? You've got a six-month chip? I don't need it. So I quit. I didn't go to another meeting until after I found my way back to MAR the second time. And I came into MAR the second time in January of 98. And I was... as near dead as a human being can possibly be. I don't know if there's pictures of me then, but I nearly died out there. I nearly died out there. I came to in a motel room in Dothan, Alabama out of dope, out of money, out of alcohol. And I looked in the mirror and what I saw was scary to me, even in my state of mind. And I called a customer and asked for help. And he don't know anything about the AA fellowship, but he said, if you'll go back to where you went in Atlanta, I'll come and help you. And he came and paid my motel bill in Dothan, Alabama. And I left Dothan with like 28 bucks. I put 20 bucks of gas in my truck and came to Atlanta. And I am beat to a bloody pulp. And they teach us in here about surrender. And I want to define my surrender and then we'll get on into the magic that's happened to me since I've been sober. My surrender was a plan to show up at Marr on Wednesday. Anybody that knows about the Marr program knows that the men's center is all up at the lake on Wednesday. They don't have staff here in town on Wednesday. So I'm going to show up that full Thursday and fill my promise to my customer that helped me out of the motel room. And I'm going to go do my deal. I'm going to go figure it out. I'm going to go... I wasn't going to take the book. But I was going to go figure out what I... Manage better. Right? I was going to wrest satisfaction from life by simply managing better. Well, that particular Wednesday, this man that I recommended to my sister-in-law, was being promoted. So they were having staff lunch in his honor. Every flippin' one of them was in that room. Every one of them was in that room. And I walk in and, you know, I'm almost to run when I see them all sitting at the table. And there's a guy named Dave D. He's in the fellowship. He's probably spoke here. I don't know. But he's a counselor up there. And he's an awesome member of our... He jumps up and hugs me. That's the absolute last thing I wanted was a hug from somebody. You know? I didn't like myself. I sure didn't want nobody to act like they liked me. And that broke me. Broke me. Dave... I'll cry. Dave held on me until I turned loose. He would not turn loose to me. He held on to me until he felt my body relax. And then he turned me loose. I was trying to run. He held on to me until my body relaxed. And then I took my jacket off and showed... dug my arms. I said, I need help. And he never... You know, what I heard him say, this is not remotely what he said, but I knew he would say something like this. Well, you were just here a year or two ago. What can we do for you now that we didn't do for you then? That would have been very logical. That was a very logical... It did. He'd get asked of me later. But not at that time. He never once hesitated. He said, we've got to put you in a detox for a day or two. But we've got to bed for you. And I started my journey. A month later, he asked me to come to where he goes to church and speak a 10-minute little talk. And I walked in there and there's a huge banner right there. It said, Hope. H-O-P-E. And I didn't know what I was going to talk about. I didn't know what I was going to say. But I talked about how I felt hope. Now then, that sense of ease and comfort that I needed was not about being high as a kite or shutting out the insanity of my behavior. It was hope. That there might be hope for me. And so, you know, here we went. And so, I... I... My sponsorship solution was two men in the room like this. One of them's going to be my sponsor. One of them I really liked. The other one I disliked. He was the most arrogant SOB I have ever seen in my life. And this thought... The book talks about that thought will come. This thought pops in my head that, you know, maybe you don't need a buddy. Maybe you need a butt kicker. And so, this guy didn't like it. I went and... I went and asked him to sponsor me. He never... He never... He said, sure. You know. And then he went ahead with the conditions. You know. Are you willing to go to any length? I didn't know what that meant. But I said yes as if I did. But if I'd have known then... And if you're new in here, I hope you hear this. Don't pay no attention to us when we say go to... Are you willing to go to any length? You ain't got a clue what any length is. But it's... But it's fun. It's... It's rocked. It's my world. So don't worry about that any length crap. You can get to that. It'll be alright. He took me through the steps. And I want to talk about the steps and I want to talk about several other things that's happened in my life. I would love... I love it when y'all laugh. You know, that feeds that frustrated comedian personality that I have. But what I want you to hear is the magic. That's happened to me when I surrendered. I surrendered. I surrendered in that detox. There's an old doctor. And bear with me here. There was a black doctor. And I'm from Alabama. And I didn't realize I was racist. But I had a preconceived notion about anybody. In fact, I had it so bad that if you weren't art, you couldn't help me. That's how I shut everybody and everything out. And it didn't... Mother didn't raise me this way. But I taught myself or I learned it that if you were black, you didn't know me. If you were female, you didn't know me. You couldn't help me. You couldn't help me. If you were gay, you couldn't help me. And I could go down the list of bigoted attitudes that I had. And so this black doctor comes in and sits down on the edge of my bed. Comes in real quick. Rattling the chart. We ought to do this assessment. You know? And... Says this. And for 30 minutes, he asked me questions and I'd answer with a yes or a no or that ain't me or something just belligerently angry at him. And I'll never forget it. Old metal chart. I could hear it clang shut. And I felt him sit down on the side of the bed. He said, Son, I don't know where all this is coming from. I don't know your story. But I'm in here doing this as part of my service work to what was done for me 23 years ago. And if you don't seek something different than what you've got now, you're going to die. And I heard that. And it wasn't the threat of dying. I wasn't afraid of dying, I didn't think. But for something to change a person from that angry SOB, that was laying there on that bed like I was, to being willing to come in and serve that angry SOB laying on that bed by taking a medical assessment of me and passing it on to the medical folks, I wanted that. That's that sense of ease and comfort that I seek, that I want. So it started right there. And then with proper sponsorship, with good, good sponsorship, the only credit I could possibly take, and I've been taught in Sunday school about grace, and it's a gift of God. The gift that I got from God is willingness. And it's about the size of that fingernail right there, maybe half the size of that fingernail that I started with. But today it's blossomed into willingness and it doesn't matter what happens. If my phone rings, if my phone rings at midnight, you're going to get a positive response from me. I owe that. I owe that. Maybe I owe it to the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, sure. But I owe that to my Maker. Man, He did not let me die in that motel room in Dothan, Alabama. And that's what I thought I wanted. And today, because of His choice for me, not my choice for me, but His choice for me, I've got five grandkids that I play with, on a regular basis. I've got a relationship with all three of my kids, the daughters, in 96, when I relapsed, 98, in January of 98, when I relapsed after going to treatment in 96 and they confronted me and I told them, I'll go pee in a cup. It's what I told them when I left the house and I kissed them on the head and I left the house never to see them again. I had no intention. I was going to burn it to the ground and die. And what happened is, look at this. Because of the step work, I get to have a relationship with my kids. So, at the risk of skipping some of the step work, I'm real uncomfortable skipping because it implies that one step's more important than the other and don't pay no attention to that. The steps are numbered for a reason and they work really good when you follow them in the number with a competent sponsor. I've done all that and I'm just repeating stuff y'all said now, you know, but it's worked for me. It's worked and it's worked really well. And then from a podium in Austin, Colorado, somewhere in Colorado, at a workshop, a man says, well, I thought I'd done the night step with my kids and someone challenged me to ask them a question and I discovered I hadn't done the night step. I discovered I hadn't done the night step. I didn't do the night step with my kids. And that question was, my oldest daughter's name is April. My youngest daughter's name is Ariel. And so the question is supposed to go like this. April, what was it like to have me for your dad? And don't say another word. The instructions I got was don't say another word. Let her tell you what it was like to have you as a father. And what I learned with both my girls in that was, my perception, this was like 12 years sober. My perception of my performance as a dad was still screwed up. When I listened to the people that participated as the children in my being dad, I was a hideous failure as a dad. But because y'all taught me how to ask that question and listen and then do, to the best of my ability, the steps necessary to recover from that view, that perception of me being a parent, I got an awesome relationship with both my girls today. Awesome relationship. My grandkids has never seen me drunk. They won't ever see me drunk by the grace of a loving God. And this one that's on suspension, guess what? I keep him tomorrow. He gets to spend time with pops tomorrow. And y'all can imagine what he's about to hear. But it's not important that I change him. It's important that I share with him what y'all shared with me to help me be a better parent. I've got an opportunity, y'all. I can do this because of what y'all have given me. So I go, but it's not about results. Guess what? There's results, guy. I'm just the tool. I'm just the tool. I'm just in that kit of spiritual tools that's laid at our feet. I happen to be one of the spiritual tools that, I hope it's spiritual, I'm one of the tools that God gets to use tomorrow with my grandson Elijah. So I mentioned I was going to tell you, here's the reason why Elijah is so important to me. Through some hideous behavior, before I ever left Alaska, my ex-wife now, my wife then, miscarried our first, I don't know how she knows, but she swears it was a boy. We had already picked out his name. We had picked out his name as Elijah. And so after a few years sober, my youngest daughter winds up pregnant and she comes to me and her mom and asks us if she can name her son Elijah. And so I got to have my son, he's my grandson, but I got to have my son named Elijah that I spend a lot of time with. Tomorrow it's going to be a really special time. But my daughter went her path and I got to raise him for five of his most formidable years. From about two to about seven. I got to raise him, just me and my now current wife. Spent a lot of time with that little man. And hopefully we did the right thing with him. I know I did a lot better, better with him than I did with my own children. I've heard that in answer to that question. That's a tough question. The steps, there's a talk we did at the workshop called The Magic and Power of the Steps. And I could spend all night talking about the magic and power of the steps. What God has given us in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is a method whereby the most desperate of people does not know how to do it. They don't know how to do it. They don't know how to do it. The most hideous behaved of the human race can become upstanding, beneficial citizens of the community. You can become a better husband, a better wife. I've not become a better wife. But I'm a better husband. I'm a better husband today than I've ever dreamed I could be because of what y'all done. Everything I have is... My friend Scott, Scott L. in Nashville, Tennessee says it's suspended just like a chandelier. AA is right there and everything I've got is hanging from that. It's the taproot of my life. I owe it my life. And the whole process... I love saying this. I heard it one time on a speaker tape. The steps are numbered. They're in order. And they will produce that spiritual experience talked about in step 12 just as assuredly as Henry Ford's assembly line produced automobiles. It's the exact same result. If you start down the assembly line and you do the work outlined in here, I guarantee you you will have the results of a freedom that you cannot possibly imagine. If you ain't done that work, you cannot possibly imagine the freedom and joy... Now, is it a... Is it a... Is it a... Is it a cakewalk? Is it a piece of cake? Life is not always a piece of cake. My life was messed up before I ever stuck alcohol in my body in a lot of ways. So, I mean, it was just a symptom. But you're going to find meaning, a purpose, and a fellowship. Here I am with the cheerleader thing. You know, I have... Divorced. Ended a 31-year marriage and I'm the one that filed for divorce at about 11 years sober. I've gone through bankruptcy since I've been sober. I've gone through some real scary stuff with my youngest daughter. Scared to death. The only thing... The only thing I could do is trust God. God's got her. And, uh... Today, I wouldn't change a thing. The ninth step promises says we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I can readily say most 99.9% of the time that I don't want to close the door on my past. I'm not quite there with the regret and some things that I've done. But the promises tell me I will not regret the past nor wish to close the door on it. So I need to do some continued work. And, you know, shoot. You work on a problem. It's obvious the nature of the problem. I've been working on this for 19 years. And I still ain't well. I ain't even close. But I'm a lot better than I used to be. I'm a lot better than I used to be. And I'm grateful. I want to end with... Here I go again. If I read this, then please don't ever... think that I'm emphasizing one part of the book over the other part of the book. But listen to this. If you think you're an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form... How do I do this? I'll push in. Just a minute. Let me read this. Or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you. And that is the words of our co-founder. These are the words of Dr. Bob. If you still think you're strong enough to beat the game alone, that's your affair. That's your business. I love AA for that. They ain't selling me nothing. I'm completely free to do what I want to do. Y'all will remind me I have to pay the consequences, but that's okay. That's the magic. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all and sincerely feel that you must have some self, some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails. Your heavenly Father will never let you down. I could have read that to start with and been done a long time ago, couldn't I? Thank y'all for letting me share it with you. Thank you so much, Art. For those who were here last week, I was just remembering he stayed behind the podium the whole time. It was wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Thank you so, so much. What? You said it. I have to tell it. The first time I told my story, I did the whole talk with my pants on sale. That's why I stand behind the podium. Thank you, Art. Okay. Let's see. All right. And I have asked Robert to come up and do the checks. My name's Robert Bell. I'm an alcoholic. You're an alcoholic. Thank you, Art, for your story. And thank goodness the only requirement for any membership is a desire to stop drinking. And with that in mind, anyone who's got that desire and wants to join our way of life or needs to come back and pick out a white chip, now's the time. Anyone want to get a white chip? Okay. After 30 days, you have a silver chip. Anyone have 30 days? 90 days, you have a red chip. All right. Anyone else for 90? Six months? Anyone have six months? How about nine months? Anyone picking up nine months? Okay. How about years, anniversaries, multiples? The blue chip? Years or multiples? All right. Hey, everybody. I'm Tim. I'm an alcoholic. This is Tim's birthday. And he and Tim, 10 years ago last night in this room, and Art, I love your story, and you talked a lot about surrender. And as much as anybody, more than anybody I've ever seen, I believe Tim surrendered that night, and he stayed surrendered every day since I've known him since then to this program. I don't care what you're going through. If you'll come talk to Tim in 10 years, he's been through it. He said, yeah, yeah, I went through that too. I mean, really. And if you know him pretty well, some of his family's here, they'll say amen to that. But it's amazing, and it's an honor to be his friend, and it's humbling to be called his sponsor. I mean this with all my heart. That plant could have sponsored Tim, and he'd be standing here tonight. He's just that. That dedicated and the service work he's done is amazing. What he's done with this meeting is amazing, and it is an honor and a privilege to give you a 10-year check, my friend. That's Tim 1, and I guess I'm Tim 2. There's a bunch of other Tims on it. Yeah, boy, 10 years, 10 years. And at the workshop, I learned that the ism of alcoholism was an insane spiritual malady. You know, I also heard that the ism is I sponsor myself. Now, Tim says the plant could have done it, but not true, not true. This man is comfortable in his own skin. He's all the things they tell you to look for in a sponsor. I hope some of that's rubbed off on me. I know that, you know, I've had the opportunity to work with other sponsees, and, you know, we've had some rocky roads here and there, but I've seen a handful of successes, and it works. It really does. It really does. It's the spiritual kindergarten. I needed to go back and get down to the basics of just living, of just knowing who I was. You know, the ABCs were through acceptance. I came to believe that I was powerless, and I needed a higher power. Through that, there was change. And it even got a little better. I got into AA actions. That was through working in the big book, with my sponsor, that convinced me to continue. If I stay in the basics, I won't have to go back to the basics. Thanks, Tim. Anyone else for a blue chip? Years or multiples? If I want to ask about the white chip one more time, anyone care to pick up a white chip? Okay. Thank God for the chips you have. Congratulations, Tim. Thank God. Okay. Thank you, one and all, for joining the blue chip speakers meeting tonight. To me. Take that in.