Why He Needs an Overachiever’s Grade in Recovery – Larry S.

I met Larry and Christian. They brought this study to Sumter, South Carolina while I was over there in the any length recovery community. And Larry talked a little bit about it today. You know, when we met, there was something there. There was a connection other than the Harley Davidson t-shirts we were wearing. You know, and when they brought this study to that facility, I began to have a spiritual awakening because they told me what the solution was. I've been in and out of AA for 20-some odd years, and it was like I had never read that book the way they brought that message in. And so, you know, I wanted you guys to hear it. I wanted to share it with you what they shared with me. And I'm not going to tell Larry's story. It's good. I can't tell Larry his story because I didn't have his experience. But I can tell you he talks about being free. And he talks abut the grace, the grace of God. And I'm just going to let him come on up here, Larry. Thank you. You know, before we do these things, somebody back there asked me earlier, he said, what are you going to do? Go out of the room? Want me to go eat? I said, no. I'm going to go get quiet for a bit. And they said, you're going to hook up with God. Well, I prayed and I peed. And I peped. And I did. and a pee, and I want to pee right now. Did y'all see how much water we drank today? My God have mercy. It's a real honor, and this is so overused, but I can't tell you. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. What an honor it is to be here because of you. Glad y'ALL are here, but your husband shared something with me last night in R.J.'s parking lot, and it made this trip worthwhile because he just said it. He said that when we came to Sumter, he had a different woman in his life. And if nobody else gets it, that one right there's got it, and I love you. But it was the Harley stuff. Guys, thank y'all for having us here. We love doing this thing. And you saw that passion today. And I've got to tell you, my prayer to my God is that I never lose that passion because it's that passion that keeps me coming here to see your faces. I saw the lights go on in so many faces today. I really did. And I thought... And I tried to explain it. They didn't have to because I understand. And we're going to get around to how that happened for me a little bit later on. I had five people come up to me and say, are you going to tell that monkey story? And I wasn't. I have no stories I want to tell, but Cindy has let that monkey out of the bag. And I tell that to kind of loosen up a little bet. But there's this monkey sitting over in a tree in the jungle. and he was smoking a big old fat joint. Y'all got a picture of that? A monkey's toking on a fatty? This little old gecko lizard come waddling up underneath the tree. He says, hey monkey, could I have a hit on that joint? The monkey says, sure dude, no problem. So he hands the joint down to this lizard, this little lizard and the lizard hits it a couple times. He says, this is some really good reefer. I've got a cotton mouth. I need to go get a drink. So he waddles through the jungle. He gets down to the river and starts lapping up water. This 10-foot crocodile comes swimming up and he goes, hey, gecko, you look stoned. Who's got the pot? The monkey back over in the tree, man. He says do you think you'd let me have a hit? He says I'm sure he would. So this 10-foot crocodile lumbers through the jungle. He gets over the base of the tree and he goes, Hey, monkey! And I have a hit on that joint, and the monkey looks down and he says, Damn, dude, how much water did you drink? On December 31st of 1987, God intervened in my life. I didn't quit doing nothing. God intervened. It's going to be a tough talk for me tonight because I'll let you see my underbelly today, and that's okay. Because you see, something happened to me that happened to Bill Wilson. When he showed up at Towns Hospital and he would quit drinking and he'd quit drinking and he was in the hospital and he wouldn't quit drinking. And Dr. Silkworth told him And he says, Bill, you can't quit because you have an illness that I've come to believe begins with an obsession of the mind. And when you start thinking about drinking, you cannot stop that thought process. And Bill says, That's me. He says, Probably about every time you pick up liquor and you start drinking, you can never quit. Bill says that's it. He said, I go on runs for days. So Soapwork told him what the problem was. and he says you know and then Ebi told him he says you need to carry this message out well there was no AA so he grabbed that Bible and he was walking up and down the streets of New York City into the boweries and the bar rooms and the alleyways and he would he was beating them drunks over the head with that book the Holy Bible and them drunks were very clear get out of my face with this and he went back to Silky and he said ain't nobody getting soaked he said Bill you've got to quit preaching to them people because they're not going to listen to it. Go back to those people, Bill, and tell them what I told you. Tell them about the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body. Tell them what i told you, Bill. The day before Mother's Day in 1935, Dr. Bob Smith was at the end of his rope in Akron, Ohio and he didn't know how to quit drinking for good and all. And out of a desperation to stop drinking to save his own life, Bill Wilson was put in touch with that good doctor. And we've talked about all this today. But he walked in there. He was there to save his own skin, and he walked in there, and Dr. Smith reached that trembling hand across the table. And he said, Mr. Wilson, I don't know what you think you can do for me. I've been carved up and prayed over more than a Christmas goose. Bill looked him dead in the eye and he says, I'm not here for you, Dr. Smith. I'm here for me. What began to be a 15-minute conversation turned into six hours? God intervened. We talked about that three parts of the puzzle. And that's what Bill Wilson shared with Dr. Bob that day. And during their early relationship, they formed Alcoholics Anonymous, although it wasn't called that because they both shared a common problem and Bill shared a common solution and they decided that maybe, just maybe together they could carry this message to yet others my name is Larry Scott and I'm an alcoholic and I am free today when I tell you I'm free it means a lot of things but what it really means is I don't have to dance with that beast ever again and I've done that it means that I've recovered from that seemingly hopeless state of mind and body and I know full well that I ain't cured from alcoholism I'm going to die with it and it's working overtime waiting on me to drop my guard you know when I got here You heard me say it today. I wanted to learn how to drink and use successfully. In essence, what I wanted to do was come in here and get my ducks in a row. But after I got here, y'all let me know they weren't my ducks. My home group is the We Are Not a Glum Lot Big Book Study of Alcoholics Anonymous. We meet on Thursday nights at Dunwoody Methodist Church in Atlanta on Mount Vernon Road. We'd love to have you come visit us. I've been around here for a long time and I love that group I'm proud of it It is the most solid, unified loving, caring group I've ever been a part of in my entire life I really mean that and in my opinion it's the best home group in the world and I hope you feel that way about yours When I wandered into the rooms in October of 1987 I was cocky I was unique I was scared to death and you knew it but I wanted you to think I was cool I was kind of like old Mickey Boogaloo I'm walking in with them cowboy boots dragging them heels and them tight jeans but y'all knew you'd see a million just like me coming indoors before and what happened is you questioned all my answers because I had them We'll back up a little bit. When I was a little boy, I grew up in Jacksonville, Florida, but I was born in Hazelhurst, Georgia, right up the road here. My first drink was a drink of moonshine liquor when I was little thing. Most horrible tasting stuff I've ever put in my mouth and I swore that I'd never do that again. It made me sick. I gagged. And in the summertime, my parents would send me to Hazelhurst To work on the tobacco farms, the vegetable fields And I was so little that I didn't actually get out and do the labor They let me drive the tractors And I love anything that burns gas that's loud And I really like it if it's fast So putting me up on that tractor, man, I was in my wheelhouse But about lunchtime, the farmhands would come to the big house and my aunt and them would be cooking that big, you know, in South Georgia. Y'all know it. Lunch is a spread, baby. Fresh-cut corn, green beans, fried chicken, you name it, and that good old southern sweet tea. Well, my job was to go out to this great big 1,000-gallon tank and pump the tractors full of gas. They didn't have automatic cutoffs. And what I discovered is I laid up on the hood of those tractors and had my ear to the film act, listening for that gas to run up. Gas had an unusual effect on me. I love gasoline. And they'd come out there and find me passed out on the ground. I love gas. So when the summer was over and I went back to Jacksonville, there was an Amoco station right down the street. I went down there and got me a job. Made sense. They didn't have automatic cutoffs. I'd pull that tag down in the old Cadillacs and put it up in there, and I'd be listening to that film. They'd find me passed out in the driveway, gas farting everywhere. I loved gas because I found out that it did for me something that iced tea wouldn't do for me. Got married young, and there was no love involved. I married a young gal that I had gone to school all the way from grade school all way up, and it was a good reason for me to get out of that Baptist house and go do the things that I wanted to do the way that I did them. A lot of violence, a lot of insanity. Married young, child of the 60s. A lot to do with alcohol. A lot is stuff other than alcohol. And I'm going to drop a couple of points here on you. I've always been in sales. Started out working at an auto parts store. And consequently that auto parts shop you drank all day. Lake Forest Auto Parts, you drank whole day. You know how we can always find our life? These people are all drunk. I learned how to drink Heineken beer off of a space heater. Warm Heinecken beer door. So I was indoctrinated early on. But I ended up in the radio business, the rock and roll radio business in Jacksonville. And I'm going to tell you a couple of stories here. And these stories are surrounded by the word grace. We talked about grace today. Grace is undeserved favor. Unmerited mercy. Thank God I didn't get what I deserved. Well, by working in rock and roll radio in Jacksonville, it afforded me the opportunity to drink and use and run and gun the way I like to drink, use, and run a gun because I had options. Like Bill had an expense account. Well, I had one of them. And I could drink and do all I wanted, wine and dine at all these fine restaurants free because we had trade accounts there. and I looked much better than I was. I looked good. Well, working in rock and roll radio in Jacksonville, Florida in the 70s, we had a lot of traffic come through there of well-known celebrities. There was a lot bands from Jacksonville and they all came by the radio stations to debut their albums or just to hang out or whatever it was they did. And when my days became short in rock and roll radio, I ended up going to work in the music business. And I worked for the management team with Lynyrd Skynyrd Band. This story and 50 cents would get you some coffee down at the Waffle House. It never afforded me a thing except this story. and I loved that business and I'm not sure if I loved it or if this disease that lives in me loved it because I guarantee you buddy them boys could run everything you've read and heard multiply it by ten they were big dogs there was a guy that owed me some money in Jacksonville once over a deal that had gotten sideways and I showed up at his house on like a Wednesday afternoon and I walked in and he had a needle in his arm. And it looked pretty inviting to me. And I said, do you have any more of that? He said, yeah, back in the bedroom. I didn't know what I was doing. I went back and loaded what I thought, and I'm a pig, I loaded what I felt was right and once again I overshot the mark. And he came into that bedroom and I was falling backwards. Still had the thing in my arm, and he caught me. And he drugged me to the front room of his house. This is a young, virile, healthy young man. He was in his early 20s. And what he did is he put, he had a scuba tank, and instead of having a mouthpiece, he had an oxygen mask. And he put it over my face and he brought me back. That story is to tell you that I wasn't supposed to die from a drug overdose in that home that day. God intervened. You with me? The end of the story, grace runs out. And we've talked about all the tests. Grace runs out when you look divine providence in the eye with defiance. It runs out, you're in grace tonight. Make no mistake. There have been so many times that the opportunity was there to check out. So many overdoses, so many blackouts, drunk driving, gun play. There's been so much of it. And I see the head nod, and y'all get it. Grace. One of the largest ones was Faithful Day in October of 1977. I was at Altamont Springs with the band. The album Street Survivors was being debuted, and they were out on their tour promoting that album, and they were doing an autograph signing party at Altamont Springs Mall. We would get on that free bird that day and fly to Baton Rouge. And in Baton Ridge, that old airplane, that old Corsair was going to be traded in for a newer plane. And boy, we were glad because this thing was like flying a Greyhound bus. Something kind of tricky happened that morning. I got into an argument with an MCA record executive. I'm pretty strong-willed. And I probably said something like, I'll show you, you SOB. I'm not getting on the plane. And I didn't. Sometime later that night We got the call that the Freeport had fallen into the swamps of Macomb, Mississippi. My roommate was on that plane, Leon, the bass player. My fishing buddy, Brian Van Sant and Gary Rosman. I knew Cassie. I knew Steve. These were my friends. They weren't just guys that played music. These were our buddies. We fished together. We played together. and at times I didn't even go out on tour with them they would ask me to watch after their wives and make sure they had whatever they wanted these were my friends for sometime after that day I would say things like boy what a lucky break what a coincidence I didn' t get on that plane it was grace God intervened I wandered around this fellowship and wandered around you, I hung out with you I hung on the porch smoking cigarettes and going to the Waffle House with you and eating at Shawnee's and hot puff cakes and I had this I had it my brother gave it to me I read to you out of it today this was my book I didn't know what was in here I had book studies in my house. That's what I called them. They were big book discussions. There are some people in here tonight with days, maybe a few weeks, and I can ask you your opinion of something in this book, and you've got one. It may not be right, but by God, you've Got One because you're a strong-willed alcoholic like I was, I know. Now, my point being, after eight years of fellowship, I realized that I had been staying dry for the grace of a loving God. And that's when these guys walked into my life. God handed me these friends and said, let me show you what's in this book. and they opened up a brand new chapter in my life. There's so much that I could talk with you about grace. I can't stand authority figures. I don't know that any of us can. And I've got a sponsor today who will and has, and will do it again, putting his nose right here and raise his voice so loud he's spitting on me to get his point across. And I don't want to knock him out or cut his throat because I respect him and he knows what he's dealing with. That's grace because usually I just give him that one finger salute and walk away. Grace is that I'm willing to take the truths that I learned from those that have gone before and those men and women that speak from the podium and those that drop these little pearls. I'm willing to take those truths and pass them along to the men that look up to me and that walk with me. That's grace. Because see, I've got an ego the size of this building. And if the idea wasn't spawned in my head or in my life, why the hell would I want to share it with somebody? It's grace I talked earlier today about understanding losing fear of economic insecurity. That was so big for me because I no longer had to walk around scared. I was not happy that I was broke. I wasn't happy that my lights were cut off but in the 20 plus years I've been here there's been a lot of really not good stuff happen to me I'm not going to bore you with that because those are worse stories that have no place here But grace saw me through it. And I'm here with you tonight. You know, I was talking about the Skinner thing. This is pretty amazing. Not too long ago, I spoke to a pretty large group out in Woodstock at the Howe Place. And I tell that story, and when I got done, I walked down to the coffee bar. I was sweating like a dog to get some towel to wipe down. and this guy walks up to me and he goes man I really dug your story and I shook his hand and I said man I'm really glad you were here and he says Bob Burns, alcoholic Bob Burns was the original drummer for Skinner I hadn't seen Bob in 34 years Bob lived with me when he lost his mind and his father intervened on him and he came to Atlanta Bob's nuts he knows he's nuts I know he's not so we're all okay with it and i said i said bob it's larry scott because i'm bald back then my my hair is naturally curly you wouldn't know that but i had a frown like this i did i did christian seen the pictures and so the last time bob saw me i'm like this like a three-man shoot i said oh where he's going yeah i said we live he says yeah carolyn your wife and i used to date kathy Yeah. I said, we lived on Murray Drive. Oh, yeah. But it was so cool to run into Bob. It was really cool to Run Into Bob. We're going to fast forward here. In 1980, I had been in a little music deal in Jacksonville. It went south. I mean, the disease is in full bloom and everything went down the toilet and I moved to Atlanta because I felt that this was the land of milk and honey. And while I was here, I was drinking and using like a madman because what I found out, I thought if I left Jacksonville, I would come to a place that was more landlocked. There wouldn't be as much. It would be more expensive and it certainly wouldn't have been as good, right? Wrong. There was more of it. It was cheaper and it was way better. And the thing about Atlanta, they don't know when to close. I mean, the bar closes at 4 and then you got these after night clubs and when you go there, you got anything you want. It's like going to the Super Walmart. So first little piece of time I was here I almost died. I mean, I just didn't know when to quit. Wide open. But I couldn't... I was unemployable. Fast forward to September 1987. I'd been living with a girl and in a relationship with her off and on for 10 years. Not one of us. and she watched the progression and this woman loved me. She loves me to this day. She lives in Texas and she looked at me. We were both working for, we worked, she came here to work for the record company I was working for and she says, you're dying Larry and you're not going to do it here. You've got to go. Well, you know what I did. You'd have a great imagination of what I called her and what I accused her of and greatest thing that ever happened to me. She put me in the street. Well, I didn't have a job. I hadn't had a job for a long time. I was so far down I couldn't even sell illegal drugs. Nobody trusted me because I burned everybody. So I became homeless. And I'm not talking about without a home. Everything I owned was on my back and it stunk. and what i did i would sleep in people's cars i would sleep wherever i had to but i was once again a little bit of grace i got to sleep on different people's couches or spare bedrooms but only for a night nobody wanted larry around much they didn't trust me september 19 late september early october 1987 My brother, who's older than me, a very flamboyant gay man. His name was Kalmich. He found me and I don't know how he found me. I was living at that time. I was staying with a gal and her two kids out in Lawrenceville, Georgia. No love affair. She was a friend of a friend and had given me a place to literally flop for a minute. And he found be there. and he called me up and he said I hear you're really in bad shape and if you don't get help you're going to die and I said no bub I got it I'm good y'all got that I'm not I'm good not true see he had run with me what I didn't know he had found you didn't have that and he continued to talk and his message to me had depth and weight, much like Ebby's did to Bill when he visited. And he said, Larry, if you don't get some help, we're going to bury you and I don't want to do that. I love you. I'm not feeling real lovable. And I said, what have you got on your mind, Einstein? I don' t mean to disrespect this room or this podium, but I was a cocaine addict, I thought. He told me about a fellowship called Cocaine Anonymous He says, if you'll go over there, if you call this number, they can give you the help you need. I'm going to give you a disclaimer of that in a second. I showed up at the Tucker Turtles on a Thursday night. Don't remember who led, who read, who spoke. I remember there was a woman in there about 80 years old. And at the end of the meeting, she looked at me and I'm hopeless and homeless and she says, wouldn't a newcomer like you share? And I'm thinking, yeah, it would. I don't have a problem with drugs. I just want to get my life back. Now, it had been about 30 or 45 days since I had done anything other than drink. And this woman says to me, well, honey, you're in the right place. We can help you to get your life back, and I'm thinkin' this woman has got no idea of what she's talking to. I later found out that she ran the A&V unit at DeKalb Medical Center and her story made mine look like a fairy tale I'm not kidding you this woman her name was Joan Monson well I went to that meeting and I left that meeting I'd ridden over there with somebody and I said pull into Partners 2 Liquor Store on Bloreto Highway I went in there and I bought two bottles of champagne to celebrate that white chip. Makes sense, doesn't it? And I continued to drink, no using. I continued the drink from October until December. And what happened in that less than 30-day period, king alcohol stepped in. I'd always been... I've had some blackouts, but alcohol I didn't think was my deal. I became a violent, blackout alcoholic in less than 90 days. December 31st, 1987. This woman that had given me a place to flop was in her kitchen. I'd been drinking sometime that morning and this story is somewhat hearsay because this is late into the night, probably 10 or 11 o'clock at night. She was about six feet tall, had blonde hair. She had two teenage children that lived there. She had a fairly decent home. I was sleeping on the couch. She was in the kitchen and she was cutting up collard greens. She had pot of black-eyed peas on the stove cooking for New Year's Day lunch. and that big stock pot was over on the stove with that rolling, boiling water. And something happened and I went over and I picked up that big stalk pot and I poured it on that woman's arms. I took off that big old white western belt and I wrapped it around my hands with that big ol' belt buckle I walked through her house and I destroyed her stuff thank you for giving me a place to live thank you for the food and shelter horror and remorse of the next morning I love college football but I can't tell you who played on me year study in 1988. I can't tell you if he won a national title. I've never felt so low in my entire life. I'd met my match. Alcohol was my master. I was overwhelmed. God intervened. we read it today I had the desperation of a drowning man I couldn't live like that anymore and I knew I couldnít live like that anymore you picked me up and you took me to a meeting and I normally read page 25 here but we read that earlier today I was as seriously alcoholic as those who had reached out their hand to me And I had but one choice, and that was to accept this practical program of action that you laid at my feet or go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of my existence. And I wanted to live more than I wanted to die because God intervened. I began to get a glimpse of this God that you talked about. And I became willing to take a closer look at this God. I started going to meetings. 81-11, 11 o'clock. Because my sponsor told me I had to go to a meeting every day and he told my brother-in-law who was my boss, he says he's got to get off, he's gotta go to the meeting every night. I got sober with a Dunwoody house lodge and drank vodka out of coffee cups at 10 o' clock in the morning. But I got sore there. And what I did is I heard God's message through you. So I started having this really slow creeping in spiritual awakening and then one night after about a 12 hour day working as a car salesman, I was venturing up highway 85 north. I was in the car all by myself, there was no music and I was tired, much like I am right now. And something happened to me. I had a spiritual experience. And what happened was I knew without a question at that very moment in time, it was the knowledge that I never, ever, ever had to be alone again. And it just came out of nowhere. It wasn't the voice, wasn't a white light, no Bernie Bush. But it happened and it's with me today. Much like I've lost fear of economic insecurity. I have that knowledge and I've got it. Need it now. Got to just look at his watch but you don't wear one. I proceeded forward and I had a sponsor that God bless him. He did the best he could. And when we talk about this fourth step today. We didn't go into that real deep because I've seen all sorts of which way to do that thing. And we did it the way that he suggested and it gave me a little relief after I got done with five. And I went over to a friend's house and they said, what are you doing? So I just got done doing my fourth step. Fifth step. They said, what about six and seven? I said, what are You talking about? I mean, four and five, my God, what do You want out of me? So my journey had begun. And my brother and his home group took me out of their wing, and it was a group of old-timers over in Bindings. And I remember going into the meetings. They told me to come early, stay late, set out to ashtrays, wash the coffee cups. And I did. I walked into the meeting and there was a fellow by the name of Bob Kinnett. Bob was always there. He founded the Rebos Club in Atlanta. He's one of those guys that's in the trenches because Rebose is, that's a pretty tough club, but he founded it for those tough people to be at. Bob sounded like a Baptist preacher. And I'd come walking in the door of that Episcopal church and he'd say, Hey Larry, how you doing? I said, oh, Bob, it's been a terrible day. You wouldn't believe how they talked to me and treated me over at that car store. He said, boy, you're right on schedule. This is exactly where you're supposed to be. I started thinking, old-timers are deaf. Get in here, damn thing I said. But he'd do that every week. Sitting in an old square off circle one night, and we were sharing. It went around the room and got around to me and I said, you know, my day started out pretty bad but I employed one of those little tools that y'all gave me and it was turn it over. You told me that when my day became when it became insurmountable that I could turn it over and I went into the washroom at the car store, pulled down his paper towel, got on my knees and I turned my day over to God. I just turned it over. Old Jack Waylock was over there and this is one of them smoking meetings, Charlie. We could still smoke in these rooms and Jack would smoke these Lucky Strikes down to a roach. Jack's sitting over there saying, yeah buddy. He said, turn it over, some good stuff. He says, you know back when I was in Alabama I used to write them bad checks. He said I'd turn them over to And God turned them over to the sheriff, and they looked like mine. I loved the old-timers, but I thought they were crazy. And all they were doing was trying to groom me and train me and teach me and hand me that torch. One Saturday morning, Dr. Paul Oliger, Dr. Alcoholic Addict or Acceptance was his answer to whatever book was in town. He became my grant sponsor later. he was speaking at Ridgeview so all my friends were at that meeting and back in the day there were these accordion phone lifts they were magnetic and they'd open up and you could put about 200 names on and mine was full my whole spots were boy he was a piece of work he was at the top but I got up that morning and I got on my knees because he told me I needed to do that and I prayed But the prayer was empty. It had no substance. And I thought, wow, this isn't working out too well. Because all my prayers are coming from here. They're not coming from there. They're coming from where I'm from here and I wasn't feeling it. So I called Don. I called everybody. There was nobody home. But I was tenacious. I wasn'T giving up. There was a lady by the name of Jean Graves. Jean was about this tall. I was 40-ish She was 70-ish Her hair was so white it was blue She wore it back to women print funds And when she came to the meeting She looked like she was going to the ball I'm not kidding Silks and satins baby flowing And that long dangly jewelry and stuff And her arm had been removed at the shoulder And everybody was dialing She came from that old Atlanta, Maine. And I love Jean Briggs. Kept hitting that phone list and I got her. She said, hello. I said, hi Jean, it's Larry Scott. Hi darling. I said Jean, I've got this problem with my prayers. She says, tell me about it. I said well, I got on my knees this morning and I said this prayer just like I always do. But all my prayers were coming from my lips and not from my heart. There was no feeling in it. A long, pregnant pause. She says, well, darling, pray about it. Click. By this time I'm convinced that the old towners are nuts. But I prayed, and you know what happened. Roll forward to 1992. I've got five years in Alcoholics Anonymous in the fellowship. And four major things happened in my life, and I'm not going to go into the details of any of them, but they were four tragic, dramatic things that would take anybody on the edge back out. And what happened during that period of time, this fellowship rose up about me. you would come to my house God intervening 3 o'clock in the morning I'm sitting in the dark no radio, no TV, no lights just sitting there wanting to die loneliness that Christian talked about today that's where I was at wanted to die, didn't have the guts to take my own life but I wanted to Die and you would show up at 2 or 3 o´clock inthe morning in the body of a guy by the name of Big Ed Jeffrey he would come blowing into my house and he picked me up. He's like 6'6", 300 pounds. He picked me and he spinned me around. He says, how you doing, bud? I said, Dad, I just want to die. He says on the other side of this is a happiness unlike anything you've ever known. And I'm thinking, do you really know what's going on in my life? How dare you say that to me? Well, guess what? He was right. When I needed to be prayed over or prayed with, You held me. When I need somebody to hold me and cry, You held and cried. and you loved me through the other side of that. There was none of this yet for five years. I had been being sponsored by a damn fool. And this fool sponsored me for about a year. This guy's name was Larry Scott. and at the end of that year I was nuts what do you think, I don't know it didn't make any sense and so somebody had invited me over to a place called Log Cabin Club in downtown Norcross and what it was is a log cabin a real log cabin that was smaller than this section And I pulled up that night, and there was no room inside. It was a hot summer day, hot summer evening. The room was swelling out onto the sidewalk, and the windows were open, and people were leaning in. And it was a friend of mine, Tom Pryor, at his birthday. And he'd invited a guy that was what I know now to be a fairly high-profile guy in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous in the Atlanta community. Real square-looking guy. Big, older fellow. Glasses, suit, tie. A lot like I look tonight. Very square. He's sitting in this circle and he started sharing his experience. He started sharing His strength and he stared sharing His hope. And he talked about his pathway to God. Five minutes into this man's story, I knew this was the man that you had told me about the man that would become my sponsor and be the man that I could tell it all to no matter what his name is Bill Sanders this man sponsored me for 16 years there's a pamphlet where did you get this one Christian? do you have it? I got it he got it like that this pamphelet you see him in the rooms it's called A Member's Eye View of Alcoholics Anonymous in that book on page 11 page 10 somewhere in there it varies from pamphlet to pamphet this guy writes if you haven't read this do it it's 25 pages of some powerful powerful stuff this guy says that I am personally convinced that the basic search of every human being from the cradle to the grave is to find at least one other human being before whom he can stand completely naked, stripped of all pretense or defense and trusts that other person not to hurt him because that otherperson has stripped himself naked too. He says that this lifelong search can begin to end with your first AA encounter. This is my opinion and this is the place for my opinion. If you have a sponsor in your life that you can't tell it all to, you've got the wrong sponsor. That's my opinion. Because I'm going to tell you something. If I can't kill Bob Crawford everything, I'm in trouble. And they know it all. And that's what happened for me. He worked with me for 16 years and I have a new sponsor now. We talked about the two AAs. We talked About the Fellowship and that sustained me for the first eight years of my journey with you. And through this sponsorship relationship with Bill, here's what he gave me. The first thing he gave to me is he taught me how to live sober out in this world as a man. Big deal. I don't know about women. and I'm not one of you. He taught me how to live sober in this world as a man. And what he did is he gave me the men and Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't want anything to do with it. I'm a womanizer. I could take my syntheses, my lies, and my crap and spill it on women I thought that I was getting over when, as a matter of fact, they were public women. But Bill gave me The Men. And what He turned me on to were gatherings of men, not just meetings. and I started going to men's gatherings all over the country. We do two in central Georgia at the Atlanta Men's Workshop called The Rock, Rock Eagle. We do a couple over in San Diego called the Back to Basics Workshop, which is an offspring of the Atlanta Women's Workshop. There's one in central Florida in the end of January called the Central Florida Men's Workshop. And what I found is I cannot get over on the men. And something happened to me after the first Atlanta Men's Workshop. I became, I got honest. I had no problem telling them what was wrong because if I can't get it out and invite somebody in to guide me, I'm just going to stay sick because at my core that's what I am. Five years sober. Eight years sober 1996 I wandered into this meeting in Sandy Springs and they were talking about the book, the book the book the book the book the book Friends Peers People I got sober with and I'm thinking what are they talking about? It was like incessant talking about this book So I got my buddy Dante Regente off to the side after the meeting I said, well, what's up with y'all? Y'all are obsessed with this book. And he says, has anybody ever taken you through the book? And my answer had to be no. I've been to a book discussion meeting. He says, show up Wednesday night. Let us show you what we're talking about. I showed up and they did this book study and they were in the chapter of the wives. I almost left. I didn't have one, didn't want one, didn't need one. Wasn't interested. But I stayed. And what they did is they opened that book up and they showed me a dimension of that story in that chapter I'd never heard before. I went, wow. And they said, come over Thursday night. We're doing a men's group. And I went over and I sat down in Rob Hayes' apartment or his condo and there were 16 men there and this chair was Bill Wilson after about 10 minutes. He came to life. He started breathing. He started nodding his head and giving hand gestures and I had a tear rolling down my face. I became fully acquainted with Bill Wilson. He came alive for me. I didn't even get out of the driveway, and I called Art Sullivan and his old sponsor, one of my guys, and I said, Art, you're not going to believe what I experienced tonight. Because see, at that particular time, my sponsorship family had acquired a big book thing out of California, and it had us all over the place. But this was solid. It was simple. It was to the point, and it was so effective. So I went back to these men and I said, would you take me and my family through this book? And they said, yeah, we will. I'm going to run a little bit over. Not much. And when they got done, I said thanks guys, that was great. And they says no, no, no, you have to carry this message on to other people. And I can't tell you, I didn't have any aspiration to do that. And then one night Rob called me and he says, I've been doing this book study on Winston United Triangle. It's a co-ed meeting, and I can't be there tonight. I need you to do it. There's 150 people there. I said, whoa. So I go down there, andI did it, and it was not real comfortable because I'd never done it before. And this treatment center in Atlanta called Marr Metro Atlanta Recovery Residences for men had asked me if we would continue to carry this message to their patients, and we kindly agreed. And I stayed there for 10 years carrying this message. I tell you all this because all my life I've wandered the planet wondering what my calling was. Because I got two brothers, both self-made millionaires. It's not my story. And I'm thinking, what am I doing? Why am I always struggling? What am I supposed to do? Well, this is it. I love this book and I love being with you. I love seeing the lights come on. Money can't buy that. One night back in July, we were in a book study. July was a year ago. Joe and Charlie were to be in Atlanta for a three-day book study at the Ravina. My friend Dave Bobbitt was hosting them. Christian and I were up at the front of the table shuffling papers doing what we do. And in through the back door of this big room comes hobbling in this old man on cane. It was Charlie Pomeroy. talking about being humble to y'all. I said, Christian, Charlie's here. He's so great. So I waddled back to the back of the room and I went up to him and he's old. And I said... Charlie, it sure is an honor to have you here. He said, thank you. I said. Charlie, it sure isn't intimidating to have a little brother to have with you in this book study. He said his son ain't nothing intimidating to buy a little chicken farmer from Arkansas. We were talking about it earlier today. Grab you a karaoke machine and start singing Can't Get No Satisfaction and have Mick Jagger walk in. And Charlie sat right there. And I looked at him all night and he sat back here and nodded. That was some really way cool stuff. We talked about this a little bit today and I'm adamant about it. Stop the war stories in these open meetings. They serve no purpose for harming the future of Alcoholics Anonymous. About your trials and your tribulations, about your car wrecks and your divorces. The bologna sandwich that God ate out of the refrigerator in the halfway house. When that new person walks in, take their hand. tell them that you would like to show them what you did to achieve this conscious contact with God and commence to do that show them your path share with them your past what happens in the discussion meetings that I used to go to is you would go up and somebody would say man, you're not going to believe this. I was on my way to work yesterday morning and somebody ran a stoplight and T-boned me. Well, the next guy comes up and says, you won't believe this, not only did somebody T-bond me, my dog was in the car and it killed my dog. And it's one-upmanship. It serves no purpose. War stories have a place right here and one-on-one with your sponsor. If you got T-boned and somebody killed your dog, you need to tell your sponsor about that. Are y'all with me on this? All over the world, you can go to the Primary Purpose website and all over the word you will find pockets of enthusiasm. And I mean almost every country of people doing what we're doing. There's a website and they're all over the world. We were talking, Patricia and I were talking last night, there's a gal by the name of Carlene Norman. Carlene lives in the outback of Australia and there's nobody around. And she sends out these emails with please, please help me, share with me your experience, strength, and hope. I'm alone. And we do. but these pockets of enthusiasm are everywhere and what we are attempting to do is take back this fellowship and get it on a track of truth that's my mission don't know if we're going to make it but I guarantee you little pockets like this one y'all going to know that Larry and Christian showed up in Statesboro you may not sign on to this program but you're goingto know we were here we love this thing A fellow by the name of Kip Collins that we talked about a little bit today is one of those men that gave me the meaning of the word commitment. I was talking to him about it. I said, I've got this and that, and I don't think I can do it. He says, well, dude. He says、Did you commit to do that? And I said、Yeah。 He says、「Well, you need to do it no matter what。」 But he says、No。 He says،When I was being sponsored by Charlie Tuck, Charlie showed up at the Robber's Roost one night and looked around and he said, where's Kip? Well, he's home with the flu. He called me up and he says, Kip, where are you? He goes, Charlie, I'm home with a flu. He says, get in your car. Get down here and make the coffee. You've got the coffee commitment. Make the coffee, go back home and go to bed but you're going to make the copy. Commitment means either you do it or you die on the way. You with me? That's a commitment because you know why it's such a big deal? I ain't never carried through with nothing. I was late if I showed up at all. Kind of bleeds back into that no AA light thing, you know? Just don't drink and go to meetings and we're not going to go there. We beat that horse earlier today. You know, I've sponsored Christian for several years now and some other men. And I've been taught that I'm willing to piss those guys off in order to save their life. I'll tell them the truth. They may not like me, but this ain't a popularity contest. And I'm going to risk that because I love them way too much to watch them start to snuck. My brother gave me this book in 1987. After I got sober, well before I got sober, we had a wedge between us because he was a gay man and I'm not. And I didn't get it and I had prejudice about being gay. I was a homophobe, if you will. And I got sober and I was able to see the truth. He became my best friend. God intervened. Because, see, my brother took my hand and he put it in your hand. My brother saved my life. In 2001, his partner Don of 37 years called me and said, You've got to come now. Come now. He said, Your brother's had a stroke. It felt like somebody had kicked me in the chest. I'd been at the Tender Medical Center in Carrollton, Georgia, and there he lay with tubes and machines all over him and needles sticking in his arm. held him and I looked in his eyes and I saw the fear we talked but he couldn't talk because he had that tube down his throat what happened is you showed up you showed out by phone you showed off in person and you healed me and you heal my family you healed me as he slipped away and you showed up again you showed UP at the grave site you held me you held my family and you held us and you watched us and guided us through that difficult time it ain't nothing but grace I'm a seeker we talked about that earlier today none of my business who you pray to what you pray for how you pray when you pray none of My business this is My story he told me I needed to seek to improve this conscious contact with God as I had originally tapped into it and what happened a little over 16 years ago there's some people in Atlanta that had double digit sobriety at the time they gave me a prayer methodology that I subscribe to and it's not religious, it doesn't come out of a church and for 16 years I've had a prayer partner for the last six and a half years, Christian has been my prayer partner. Any given Thursday night, you go into the prayer chapel at Dunwoody Methodist Church and you'll find us huddled up in there holding hands, heads bowed and we invite other men to come and join us. Folks, for me this has been the most life transforming thing I've ever done outside of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's disclosed to me things and helped me to achieve things way beyond my wildest dreams because I've been seeking through God a way to improve this sorry hope-to-die dope-themed alcoholic that came and walked out of the gates of hell into your life. He's given me a pass, so I'm a seeker. When I pray, I got four answers that I get. The first one is yes. I love that one. I do. The second one's no. I'm not crazy about that one, but it's cut and dried. I can live with it. The third one is not right now. God, I hate that one! And the fourth one is something like I can't believe you prayed that shit. Guys, I've been a mediocre citizen, a brother, a friend, a son, an employee all my life. But in here, I've got to be an overachiever. I've Got to get an A here. A B won't suffice. A B gets me drunk. A B takes you away from me. I lose all the things that are near and dear to me You can see I lose my contact with God. The harder I work here, the more I get. The more I give, the better. The more money I can give and I can never repay that debt. If you're going to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat. You've got it. You've gotta get out the boat I can't tell you how much I enjoyed being here tonight and being with you this weekend this has absolutely been one of those experiences that I'll never forget Kristen and I have the opportunity to do this all over and I've got to tell you y'all are a great group thank you for showing me your light as they flickered on today and what that means to me is the word that Kristen uttered today and that word is namaste because when I look out into your eyes the God in me recognizes the God indeed thank God for alcoholics and non-alcoholics thank you