Tradition Three Says Desire Is the Only Requirement — I Took It Personally and Earned My Seat – Lisa H.

About This Speaker Tape

Lisa, sober since February 16, 2005, tells her story at the Monday night Blue Chip speaker meeting on the 4th of July. She grew up in a family soaked in alcoholism — her mother and grandmother both alcoholics — and was so determined not to become one that she didn't pick up a drink until her twenties. Before alcohol there was an eating disorder, anorexia and binge eating, her first attempt to control how she felt. Moving every six months as a child, surrounded by her mother's abusive boyfriends, she learned to walk around tense, blushing, on edge, never fitting in.

When alcohol finally arrived in her twenties, it was a relief — she could relax, dance, talk to people. She called herself a periodic binge drinker, not a real alcoholic, even as the binges came closer together. She drove drunk down Ponce in a blackout with police lights behind her, didn't pull over because she couldn't understand the bullhorn, and somehow never got the DUI she earned. She joined the military in her early forties, where the drinking culture accelerated everything. She came in through Al-Anon first, convinced her mother was the problem, and worked the Big Book as a non-alcoholic — until controlled drinking experiments and morning cravings forced her to call the AA hotline alone in a small town away from her support network.

Her sobriety was earned. A man at her first meetings said people who came in through Al-Anon weren't real alcoholics, and instead of leaving she dug in, took Tradition 3 personally, got a sponsor on her first night. She built a Higher Power that started small and grew big, learned to stop putting it in a box. Years later, an inner voice told her to skip a planned east coast trip and visit her dying father in San Francisco instead — she listened, and got the last walking visit before bone cancer paralyzed him. She flew back on Thanksgiving Day; he held on until she landed and died within hours.

Today she sponsors women, has a home group, has a relationship again with her 71-year-old mother whom she once hated. She's leaving for a six-month deployment to Antarctica in September and the first thing she did was find the AA meeting in a tiny church there. She closes with Bill W. on the language of the heart.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Janine opens the Blue Chip speaker meeting on July 4th, reads the page 29 preamble
• 1:30 Lisa introduces herself, sobriety date February 16, 2005, names her sponsor Lynn T. and home group in Decatur
• 4:00 Family of alcoholics — mother in and out of recovery, grandmother died of alcoholism, abuse from the men her mother brought home
• 8:30 Eating disorder before alcohol — anorexia and binge eating as her first attempt to control how she felt
• 12:00 Gun to her head, hated herself for not pulling the trigger; never connected the depression to running out of her substance
• 18:00 The Ponce blackout drive — blue lights, bullhorn, never pulled over because she couldn't understand him
• 26:00 Came in through Al-Anon convinced her mother was the problem; worked the Big Book as a non-alcoholic
• 34:00 Tried controlled daily drinking; morning cravings; called the AA hotline alone in a small town away from her support network
• 40:00 First meeting — woman held her hand and talked to her face; got a sponsor that night
• 52:00 Inner voice told her to skip the east coast trip and visit her dying father; got the last walking visit before bone cancer paralyzed him
• 58:00 Flew to San Francisco on Thanksgiving Day; father held on until she landed, died within two or three hours
• 1:04:00 Going to Antarctica for six months in September; first thing she did was find the AA meeting in a tiny church there