Thomas Jefferson Was on My Resentment Inventory — Have You Read That Guy’s Life Story 🤣 – Earl H.

About This Speaker Tape

Earl H. leads a Big Book step study workshop covering Steps 3 through 5, drawing on his 22 years of sobriety and 16 years of chronic alcoholism and drug abuse. He describes Step 3 as a terrifying leap of faith — he was furious at Higher Power when he arrived in AA, yet had to get on his knees and turn his will over to a Higher Power he didn't understand. He compares the moment to the top of a roller coaster: the clicking stops, and you're committed to the ride.

Earl brings the room to life with stories of memorable AA characters. There's Fred Ellis, the man whose calm presence felt like 20 milligrams of Valium, and whom Earl was too afraid to approach — so he stood behind Fred and "burglarized" his conversations with sponsees. There's Mike Ross, the gruff old-timer who wouldn't speak to anyone with less than ten years, who cut through endless fourth-step debate by simply asking, "Has anybody in here read this?" And Jack Prose, who at 43 years sober blew the top off Earl's head talking about Step 1 when Earl thought he had it completely figured out.

On Step 4, Earl advocates a practical, action-oriented approach: make a list of resentments, fears, and sexual conduct using the four-column method from the Big Book, and just do it. He discovered that all his fears boiled down to two things — rejection and abandonment — and that self-centered fear was the chief activator of every defect. He even put Thomas Jefferson on his resentment inventory. His first sponsor Donald's initial direction was simple: "We don't kill people here, one day at a time."

For Step 5, Earl insists on giving it all to one person rather than compartmentalizing, because hiding pieces of himself in separate compartments was the disease itself. He describes reading his inventory across in rows rather than down columns, which revealed a devastating pattern of powerlessness. The healing came not from the content but from the experience: telling the complete truth about himself and not being thrown away for it.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opens with Q&A — discusses why it doesn't matter what type of alcoholic you are, shares the story of a newcomer named Claude who pointed out another alcoholic in the room
• 5:30 Begins Step 3 — describes the terror of turning his will over to a Higher Power he was furious at after 16 years of alcoholism and drug abuse
• 10:00 Story of Fred Ellis at the Thursday Night Beginners Workshop in Brentwood — burglarizing Fred's conversations because he was too afraid to talk to him directly
• 14:00 The roller coaster metaphor for Step 3 — the clicking stops and you're on the ride, then the book says 'we hope you were serious'
• 17:00 Mike Ross stories — the gruff old-timer who wouldn't talk to anyone with less than ten years and cut through fourth-step overthinking with 'has anybody read this?'
• 22:00 Jack Prose with 43 years blows Earl's mind on Step 1 — Earl realizes at 11 years sober he's back on Step 1
• 26:00 Step 4 inventory method — four columns for resentments, fears, and sex; sponsor Al F.'s teaching that giving your life to Higher Power and sitting in the closet gets you coat hangers
• 33:00 Fear inventory — discovers all fears reduce to rejection and abandonment; quotes the 12&12 on self-centered fear as chief activator of defects
• 40:00 Step 5 — refuses to compartmentalize, reads inventory across rows to reveal pattern of powerlessness; sponsor tells healing stories during the reading
• 46:00 Closing on Step 5 — the experience of being completely exposed and discovering he wouldn't be thrown away; tells sponsor 'now I just have to wait for you to die'