The Third Worst Disease in the World and the Men Who Treat It – 1964 – Jack B.

Thank you very much, Clarence W. That's one of the worst introductions I ever had. It's Jack Bailey, B-A-I, by God, L-E-Y. Boy, Protestant, drunk. Oli, I want to thank you for another windy evening. And I want to thank the committee for making it possible for me to even get in here tonight. That wasn't easy. And I forgot my badge. and that stinker at the door hasn't got a TV set. And I'd like to apologize for A. Badger and this broken-down old hotel for you folks back there in the Regency room. And I'm going to only make half of it here and then I'm coming back there and finish. And I thought we'd live it up a little, I'm Coming Back There Naked. And that I'll get a laugh on. Oh, my God. You don't know how wonderful it is for me and Carol B. She's not one yet. To be back in Dallas, as I have said to a lot of people, it's like coming home. And I love AA anyplace. and i love it of course where i got it but i hope you folks know how lucky you are in this area of texas to have the kind of swinging happy alcoholic synonymous you got by george you're lucky and according to me you're doing it right i noticed last night there's five million smiles on your face tonight everybody is happy and light and it's it's the way i have to do it and i think it's just great and we are more than honored to come back to dallas it's kind of like coming home and i want to hear now tell you all you people that have been hearing that tape with ollie swearing on it that we've made five years ago it's the same speech tonight, a little cleaner, and without him butting in. But I just want to tell you sincerely how, what a thrill it is for us to be here. And at introduction, Clarence, I don't want to thank you for that really, Clarenced Wheeler, dry hole, and he got too dry. We had some funny, I remember one time there was a guy in San Luis Obispo who was going to introduce his speaker, you know, and he wanted to keep it real anonymous. I don't give a damn. Everybody knew it was Bailey when I was stinking drunk, and I like to have them know when I'm sober. But this guy was going be real anonymous, so he said I'd like to have you meet our speaker right now, Jack Bailey from Beverly H. And it was another time. This is the truth. I wouldn't lie. This early, I may get to... I may get the line a little later on. It's funny, I notice those priests. There's a lot of priests out there. Those Catholics, they have trouble. Listen, I want... Chuck Chamberlain and his all-girl review this afternoon. What happened there? He got the girl show. one other time he introduced and and he said we want you to meet jack b and his wife mrs bailey so i don't care what they call me as long as they know i'm sober and i want to kind of qualify this before we get any farther here that i know there's some new people on AA that we have some guests and visitors here tonight and we got some shoppers here I smelt them that's alright they believe that vodka doesn't smell but I would like seriously to qualify the whatever I say or how I look when I say it that I am in no way making light of Alcoholics Anonymous or the disease of alcoholism but by George I can't be sad about it I got to be happy about it. I'm glad I'm one and I am proud to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous now when I say that occasionally that shakes up some of the old members and some of them can use a good shaking some of em can use anything but I actually am proud to be able to be a part of this kind of an organization I'll explain that in great detail later on in my sermon tonight I have chosen as my subject I think that's what you're supposed to do What I like about AA And I could give my whole sermon in one word Everything But we got kind of a captive audience here Can't find the sheriff The drummer hasn't shown up So we might as well sit here and visit a while Nobody going anyplace You can't get in if you do cross your legs and settle back in here we have a little fun and i found out already that you're kind of evil and that's good because you gotta laugh i found out i got to laugh because if i don't laugh on aa i'm gonna cry and i cried enough when i was drunk i was a crier oh my god i put on some beautiful acts and i don' t want to cry anymore but i got that out of my system and you don't have to cry now you start living now the fun begins and that's what i like about a i remember i'm like everybody else when you go to the meetings you hear what a guy was like or a gal what they used to be what they are now what they hope to be and i don't like to tell you too much about what i was like it's really none of your damn business it was just awful i guess and the reports are still coming in after 16 years so i was one but i did everything else that all you did i did everything to keep out of it as long as i could i went to a preacher once a protestant preacher once and he said well you're kind of a nut because you've got a job you've Got a body you got a big mouth you're working giving away a lot of stuff and you're dedicating your life to tearing it down by drinking so you're crazy i don't know what to tell you get out of here let me talk somebody else well the hell with him I got pretty drunk over that and told my cronies that I'd outsmarted the preacher with that big alcoholic brain of mine and then I was coerced and lied to by my wife by marriage to go to a doctor oh my god that was a mistake And he gave me the business. He went all over me, both sides. And he said, oh my goodness, I won't be responsible for your life for six weeks if you don't quit drinking. He said, you're going to die. Well, I really got drunk over that. and I believe there at Hollywood & Vine I held the only Protestant wake for a guy that was still alive that's ever been held. We sang, and I cried. We sang hymns. It was all legitimate. You talk about being nuts, two great men. telling you you're gonna die if you don't quit drinking then you go out to get drunk to prove them wrong there's something a little wrong there and I even figured that out in this osmosis I was living in out of the jug now there was a nice clean old man that was hanging around the show and he didn't drink. He was a weirdo and he was always clean, didn't shake. My God he smiled at me every morning but he had kind of an eerie look because I'd come in with the nods and you know say I'm alright how are you? And one day he saw me taking a little belt there for my emotional disturbances. I'd had too much B1 the night before. And he said, I believe that you're getting to have an alcoholic problem. And if you ever need any help, you call me. I won't call you. By God, I got rid of him. He's out of work right away for that. But that you've heard many, many times in speeches about planting a seed. He planted the seed. He lost the job but he got the seed in. Now I don't want you to get any ideas about clean old men. I don' t like them drunk or sober and don' T let that queen thing fool you. He was not that clean. But along came that morning, in my case, sometimes it comes to you at night, sometimes any time. But it came the morning when I felt that the bottom was there, that I'd reached the end, and I was scared to death. so I picked the morning when my wife was out of the house to see how long I could go without a drink and my God that's a mistake I could have had a lot of them there but I thought no I'll see how long I can go it was Sunday I'm sure she was out to a church of her own trying to find some help for her drunken old idiot and I walked around in that house how do you get so lonesome when you're alone and don't have a belt in the morning didn't it so I knew I'd inhaled too deep the cigarette was making me shake then I thought I shouldn't have had that coffee that damn stuff always does that to me I thought I'd go outdoors and get a little air out in the porch I went out and put my arm around the post there, breathed a while. Well, that liked to kill me. Found out after it had been sober six weeks we haven't got a post out there. And then I thought, well, thank God I can't make it without a drink. I'll go out and get one. and you know people talk about I drink a quart the other guy says oh hell I spill that much well it's not funny when you're standing there spilling is it so finally I got a triple jiggle jar there I never had the shakes when I had the hangover I had to leaps God I was leaving around the kitchen with his stupid glass, you know, trying to get the jug in it. And finally I got one, and I got four, and one stayed down. And I got to thinking, well, there it is. This is what that stinking clean old man meant. And I thought, well I'll call him. But being in the profession I am, and an alcoholic I thought I won't call him till I have a little audience like of one her she wouldn't believe me anyway so when she came in I with my best dramatic mood said Caroline my dear I'd had about three by then listen to this call so I called this clean old man and I said I'm scared to death and I'm sick and I am pretty sure I'm going to die is there anything you can do about it you said the call and he said do you think you're an alcoholic I said hell I know it and he says I'm glad you said it everybody else in town knows it now that makes it unanimous So I said, please don't get the Cutes. This is very serious, and I need some help. And what'll I do? And he said, go out in the kitchen and take a drink. So I began to like an AA already. But she was right behind me. with that smile so i said don't joke with me really i i'm sincere i want to do something i got to do some for god's sake help me when i need it and he said go take a drink your head's rattling so i can't hear what the hell you're saying on the phone and i'll be over so i turned to her and said uh he told me to go take a drink. And she said, oh, did he? Well, then take it, honey. But she said it a little different than she'd ever said it before. And he told me the minute I hung that phone up that 20 years went off my face. You know why? You did it once. I had been honest for the first time since I could remember and admitted that I was wrong. And it was such a relief that it just, and you all remember that relief. But I did what he told me. I I said, you. And then they came over. He brought a friend. Oh, my God. By then, I was ready for them to give me the sales talk. Huh? They thought they wanted me in that thing. My God, let them just talk me into it. And I'm going to listen carefully and then throw them the hell out of here. because by now I'm pretty brave and the warmth had returned to me gullet and I was ready so they walked in and said sit down and listen to one thing remember this you need us but we don't need you oh my god that was a terrible blow and then they started worrying me to death like they did you they didn't tell me what to do at all they kept talking about their problems and that annoyed me no end and I'd hear somebody at the back door I'd go back there there was nobody there I'd heard the phone ringing upstairs there'd be nobody on the phone about the third trip out the guy says dad why don't you bring the jug in here oh my god I said how did you know and they said because we'll show you some keen places to hide them and I love them for it right that's where I really knew what the expression means it takes a thief to catch a thief and I like them for that the doctor says you're going to die he said God Almighty come to the wake preacher says you're nuts you got drunk over that here's these two jerks sitting in there and said bring the bottle in we'll talk it over and I thought well by God that's for me and then I got ashamed to take one that's the first thing isn't it if you don't quit they'll ruin it for you so I had a couple of aces up my sleeve for them and I said well now here's the thing you don' t understand my case is different yes Some of you have said that? Well, they took care of that in about four words. And then I had the one big thing that I was saving, see? I said, I meant it. George, I bet there's a lot of you meant it I said if I quit drinking and I meant this I know I'm going to die and I mean it and by God he laughed at me just told him I was going to die and he laughed and he said nobody ever heard of anybody dying because they did not drink then I said all right bye George the sensible thing they said why don't you come to a couple meetings we'll probably be sick of it you go out and get drunk, you don't pay any attention anyway. And who cares? And I said, I'll go to a meeting with you, but I'm going to change my name. That didn't throw him down. He said, fine. Pick a name. What do you want? So I picked the name Jim Bartell. I thought that was as nice as any. where the hell Jim Bartell came from I don't know but there was something cagey about the initials J.B. I have never had a monogrammed shirt or girdle but I said I'm going to be Jim Bartel to all people now and they said that's fine so we went to a meeting and the first thing he did shut the damn lights off nobody asked me who I was couple guys said hi we've been waiting. That's all I got and nobody, I never got to use Jim Bartel at all. And then we had to go on the road to Lubbock, Searcyville to run him out of there they didn't even want him there sober. Anyway, they said when you get back we'll do what we can for you. We got back and they said well we got an idea for you why don't you instead of walking it off by yourself why don t you go to a place where they help alcoholics? And I was highly incensed over that and I said like what? they said, well, a sanitary thing. And I said, my God, me? Go to a sanitarium? And they said hell yes. There's a lot better people there than you. So I decided that 4 o'clock that Friday I'd go to the sanitaria. Now already I'm Jim Bartell, right? And I still get mail from that sanitarium, Jim Bartell. Good old Jim, they say. I have this one claim to fame in Alcoholics Anonymous, I think. To my knowledge, I'm the only alcoholic that ever went to a sanitarum on Monday, picked out his room for the following Friday and showed up. And I picked out a darling room there. but I trained for that Friday I sang and cried all week and explained never again will old Jolly Jack be around and everybody was fairly relieved when I told them including the bartender who built a home on my money so the memorable friday came and here came old jim bartell up to the house to meet this clean old man and what was left of my wife and we're going to take old grandpa out to the sanitarium i don't mighty i was boxed out of my head i didn't even know what house i was in so they took me down in their car and he's quiet not only clean he's quite and you know how you felt getting one of them to a sanitarium like if he lasts two more blocks i'll get the hell away from him he had that feeling she wasn't really sure yet so we got down hollywood boulevard and rolled down the window and i forgot my name I forgot I was anonymous And at the top of my voice Going down there in this car With his nut and my wife I rolled down the window And yelled I'm Jack Benny I'm a Zach Maholick I'm going to San Antonio Ha ha ha Oh my God Well, oddly enough they took me in the back way, and I remember there was a desk here And an old Davenport over here, and I had gotten a promise out of the keeper there. Pardon me, the manager. That if I showed up Friday, he'd give me a nice libation. And I said, sir, my good man, where's my drink? And he said, what do you want? And I named a very beautiful potion, I'm sure. probably a little old granddad was just a little on the 7-up on the top I think that 7-ups is what killed me out of the whiskey anyway he put it down on the desk in front of me and I looked over at the Davenport there was my sponsor and my wife and I look at the whiskey and I started to cry again and I said these are the only two people that stuck to me in my time of trial and tribulation. And I love those two dear people. And I want them to be the first people in the whole world to see me turn down my first drink. I said, take it away. He did. and you never saw two people leave a sanitarium faster than my wife and that guy. Pfft, poof, boom! And there went those two old men that I loved so much. And as I watched them drive off into the sunset together, I turned around, and there was a guy with a white coat, nine foot tall, with that long arm, and he reached his arm out and he said we're going upstairs aren't we and I looked up and I said thank God I believe we are well we got up there and we found my room with no trouble and then I got in there and he said all right now Johnny I said excuse me it's Jim he said yes sir Jim take off your clothes and I've lived in Hollywood a long time and I thought what the hell am I in here but he was big so I said I'll do that right now and i am kind of a pretty thing there with nothing on my god and he gave me one of those bed jackets they give you that that are ripped up the back you know and they got the strings on and and they didn't tie them they just let those strings dangle and my whole you know in the back there and they gave me those paper shoes so I wouldn't hurt myself they said you shove your feet in and these are too long they turned up at the end they were orange and white stripes a darling sight and I was standing there I went over to the mirror and of all I'm no bargain with this Playtex on you know I wear the breathing one. And I looked at myself in that mirror with this horrible thing open in the back and them shoes coming up like a clown. You talk about reaching your bottom, my friends, I saw mine. That's the end of Jim Bartell. Well, I'm like all of you. I want to find out what the hell really was wrong. And one of the first things I found out in AA is that you're not what they've been calling you all the time. Your wife and your few friends. You're not any of those things. Thank God. I had a mother. What's really wrong with you is you're sick! Thank God I found out. You're about as sick as you can get. there's cancer heart in us and I was glad to know that I was that sick and if I had to catch something I'm glad I caught that instead of something else that you can get right now with the cancer there's great great inroads in the cures they're doing wonderful things heart attack oh god that's worse than being an alcoholic I believe. Well, Clarence even had to quit smoking. What's left for us old men? But they'll tell you now, take it easy. Don't do anything active. Don't play any tennis. Don't doing this. Don't chase the neighbor's wife. Don't doin' nothin'. And then he'll say, I've been comin' here for six weeks. That's all I can do for ya. The rest of it's up to you. Good luck. And walks out, sends you a bill for $13,000. and you don't know if you've got the pump that's working or not for sure. My gosh, with the third worst disease, and this is not AA talk, this is the medical profession. They admitted it, that alcoholism is the third-worst killer in the world. And we got that next to those other two, and in our case, we've got to talk to some other nut that can't drink a while, and they'll razzle-dazzle you for six weeks until they can find somebody else to talk through you. and the first thing you know, they talked you out of whatever you was there for. And get you some mixed up, you're scared to drink because you're going to blow up. And you've arrested the third worst disease that's known to the medical profession. And boy, I was glad to know that. And I told everybody that I was safe. And it works for a little while, fellas. she comes at you with something rose I'm sick then they told me about the insanity well I'm like you are I didn't buy that too much right off the bat but they said that insanity we got better billing than the sickness with third in the sickness and in a nut department were number two and the other is a social disease that starts with S, and I've often felt if people stayed sober they wouldn't have caught that. So anyway... So we're pretty much of a mess when we get to AA. You got to be sick, you got to be nuts. You've got to be no damn good or they don't want you in AA. You got to reach the end of some kind of a line, and I have no problem proving that. So why wouldn't I, as I said at the beginning, be happy and be proud to be a member of AA? Because it was the only thing left I could get in. I was kicked out of the Rotary Club. You can't get kicked out the Rotary Club. But I did. My God, yeah. They sent me to the Rotery Club to meet some new friends. Oh my God. The speech is just about there. You've got to drink triples to stand it. It'll cut your tie off. I quit the, you should excuse the expression, Father the Masons. I got out of there just in time. I think when the guys reached up under my apron, I quit them and get the hell out of here. You Catholics go ahead and laugh. I'm coming to you later. You know, to get in the Knights of Columbus, the Rotary Club, the Masonic Order, all fine, fine things, let's face it. Do you know you have to pass a test to get In? Do you now that they look you up way back all through your life? They check with your neighbors. They find out the things you've done. And if you've done a little hanky-panky along Life's Highway and one of these masons or Knights of Columbus, find out about it. They got a long sleeve. They go in the back room. They've got a box to put their hand in. You're blackballed. Now what in the hell do you think would happen if we investigated new members in AA? You've got to be at the end of the line to get in, and that's why everybody takes bows. Seventy-five percent we've arrested the third worst killer, you know, of the mankind. Well, how the hell can you miss? They're either going to die or go nuts or get on AA. That's the end of it. So that's how they get the good record, right? You can't get any worse than when you are when you get here. And so I am proud that they let me come in and I just made it. I just skidded home in time. The other thing I liked right off the bat too was to forgive yourself. I got that stinking Methodist conscience. And I remember that poor old guy, he left Omaha and I was there with his wife and I just worried about that for a long time and you're supposed to forget the past and I jumped on that little tangent fast and it was a relief wasn't it sit there with them holy looks You want to talk about phone calls, Paul Dean? I saw a thing in the book where it said we are not saints. I saw something in the Alcoholics Anonymous book where it says we ask you to try. Follow. Do what we did. It worked for us, it'll work for you if you do it to the best of your ability. We are not saints. I heard a priest one time say, there should be another A on AA. He said, do you realize what you are? If you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, you are an apostle in the eyes of God carrying the message. And I thought that was nice. An apostle. You see, here we are. We laugh like hell. We're burning dead and almost nuts, and we're having a good time over it, and that's fine. And by doing that, you don't have to quit living because you quit drinking, right? And you can find out that it's a lot better, especially you young guys. Get it, Doug? Don't fool around like we did. You will never end up with some of those old mullets we had. And there is not one thing that you can't do better sober. You're dirty. It's all true. It's true. It's so true. you i'd like to have you hear a thing i read once and boy it fit me and it fit a a like nobody's business don't worry how far you have to go but be glad how far you've come gee that that rested me that was good don't worry without worrying the traffic here in dallas you got nothing to worry about tomorrow boy you better worry about getting home tonight but you know we got to forgive ourselves with the hell with what we did don't do it again and as i said that woman wouldn't believe me from the newspaper that it's a simple program but it's not easy and the simplicity lies in that 12 steps and the AA book and don't take the first drink how many people have you run across I hope not too many that come up and they'll say I don't know what happened but I got drunk what the hell do they mean they don't understand they don' t know what happens he jackass took a drink that's what happened that's the only way to get drunk that they've invented yet I don't know what happened oh my god you ever hear anybody say I don' t know what happen but I found myself in the Fanny Farmer candy store you know you can get kicked out of those clubs after you don't get black ball going in they throw you out to do something wrong you can't get kicked out of AA, then nobody here dares kick you out. They don't want to kick you out and it's easy to get back in. But so many people have found out that it's easier to stay sober than to get sober. I said that one night when I was a drunk at the stag meeting and I said it's easier to stay sober than get sober and this guy looked at me by God you can say that again you know your friends some of them once in a while have told you or you've had a a call at 2.30, 3 in the morning? They never get scared until 2. 30 or 3 in the morning, right? Nobody ever calls you when they're on a slip at 4 in the afternoon. It's 2 in the day morning and they're crying and they'll be like, I don't know what happened but I'm in an awful mess and I just wet my pants, what will I do? What do you think would happen if they called a doctor and said, I don't know what happened. I just f***ed in a little and now what will I do? He'd say come to the office in the morning after you've taken an aspirin. But not an AA member. He reaches over across the bed says ma get up make me some coffee. Joe's drunk again, and he puts on his pants, and they have to go looking all over the house for his AA book. Gets a half a pint that he's been waiting for old Joe. Get his butterfly net and go out and sober the jackass up again. And smile and laugh while he's doing it. Where in the name of time could you find an organization of this kind? Now, you know, as I have said, I was a Protestant faith. Methodist, the worst kind of a Methodist. My maiden name, and I like this kept anonymous, is John Wesley. I hear a lot about I was raised people say I was raised across the tracks I was raised in a poor home my father was boxed out of his mind the day I was born environment well I can't go along with that too much. Now, I wasn't raised at the right part of town, but I was raised in a very devout home. My mother wasn't the little town in Iowa president, not the county president. My father was the state president of the WCTU. Well, we didn't have anything for lunch there. But I got scared of God as she and a lot of good devoted people in that day and age understood him. I was scared of god. Those crazy old Methodists would yell and shout and bring down hell and damnation and fire water and seven up and everything else on you. They give you that thou shalt not thunderbird will hit you right in the bazoofus. I was scared of God. I said to the Lord everything I was doing he was watching. Scared the hell out of me. Oh those Methodists were something. Anyway I learned in AA a God that's a friend the reason I liked AA when I first got it through my head a little was that I got faith in a going organization that was AA they were doing things look at the people sitting around look at it tonight beautiful, look at the women here tonight beautiful my God do you think I ever got a call to 12 step one of you beautiful ladies I get them to go out and they're dirty old men that have been in that bed for four days oh boy I wish I could have twirls with you honey oh my but the greatest people you'll ever meet are people here because we got a chance to start again really we'll bring your dead we'll burn your sick we'll turn your nuts at the end of the line nothing left and some guy or some gal says I'll tell you what we do and see how you like it and you're reborn actually and that's why I like AA and you know and I know it works because you're here and so am I and we are all here because we're powerless over alcohol and we have found a God that we can understand and most important we know understands us not only were we put in your debt but think of the things we killed as alcoholics the love of a mother the love for a father a brother a child alcoholics are killers they don't kill themselves they kill something else who needs it? you can't drink you can drink now there's two things to do stay here and laugh at yourself or go the hell out and kill yourself that's an easy choice but it's fun i remember one time a thing i'll never forget this guy i think i'm sure i said it when we were here before every morning of his life he got up and prayed And one way, he said, God, don't you and I get in any trouble today that you can't get me out of. You remember how we used to pray when we were drunk? The greatest, longest prayers known to our Heavenly Father are sent up there by those luscious. You know how easy it is and how sweet it is and how simple it is now? If we're alcoholic and we say, thank you God for my sobriety, we have said it all. I'm a fraudster. But I carry on my keychain three things so I can get it out. I don't mind if Wheeler's been in my pocket. I have here the Star of David from the Jewish faith. That was given to me by the Sisters of Israel. I guess I'm an honorary sister. But I appreciate that. It was nice. I have her on my keychain a little emblem of the Blessed Martin from the Catholic faith. The Methodists, the Protestants haven't got any so I got a blank for them. And they're right there. So I mean this, I don't know who's running it up there but whoever it is I'm with them. Yeah! I remember one time you hear wonderful things, just a little quick story that actually happened. It was around Christmas time, and that's the edgy time, isn't it, friends? The mellow season. I did my best crying. I used to sing Waiting for Ships That Never Come In at Christmas and use an ashtray and take up a collection for the poor and cry and steal it and buy drinks. it was getting to be christmas time and i said to girl i do feel the need of a meeting and we were eating in this crazy place back in the back of palm springs and it was busy this joint was jumping and they had about one waiter on our whole side and he was a little i thought annoyed that all the coffee we were drinking when he was doing better on the tips with the martinis. But he came by with a bucket of coffee and he looked down and he said, wait a minute, haven't I met you? And I said, I don't know. And he said, didn't I see you at 6300 Club? You know, I'm having trouble with the fourth step. And here's this joint just jumping around Christmas time. Everybody said, hey, where the hell is Scott? Hey, I ordered two doubles here, three for wife here. Come on, that's Scott. Martin, he'd say, yeah, it's okay. Now, the third step is okay, but the fourth step is the one that matters. We're holding in the booth a little AA meeting. And he's pouring the coffee and he's saying to the drunks, right with you, can't be just a minute longer here. This man is sick. And it really is. Honest to God. So I said, is there a service around here for the Alcoholic Unanimous? I'd like to get down there and hear a few words. and he said, yeah, there's one in the judges' chambers down in the little Coachilla. Well, Coachilla is worse and smaller than Comfort, Texas. Comfort Texas? Anyway, we got one from Comfort here. So we went to the meeting and got there early, and Carol and I were waiting outside the city hall, and I said, I think this is the place he meant, but I don't know. and coming down the street I saw it and I said Carol here they are this is the place here's this poor little old short squatty woman and she got about a 25 gallon coffee urn on her belly and she's barely making coming down the street like this and behind her he came huh the member so it was exactly the place and he was our leader that night and about four or five people there in this stinking little desert hamlet there That was the night I heard a guy say, they said, do you want to say something? He said, yep. I said, what do you wanna say? He said rather be here in any place in the world. That's all I got to say. Well, he'd one of us. So after the meeting getting near Christmas, I had a lighter with a serenity prayer on. I said I'm gonna raffle this off and whoever wins it will get it. That'll be a big deal. and we let the lady that brought the coffee urn in pull the numbers she's a social drinker we'll keep it honest and that'll be the way that'll work so there'd been a guy there hadn't said much the whole meeting and he won the lighter and after the meeting we're getting the coffee by now it's cold he said i want to thank you for the lighter i wantto talk to you and i said no the lighter forget it i'm glad you won it i stole it from my sponsor forget the whole thing it's all right She said, you know, I want to talk to you. He said, uh, you'll never know what it means. And I said, well, good. He said a year ago, just before Christmas, I got back with my family, my wife and three children. They were pretty destitute. I hadn't worked, but I'd come off a drunk. Then I straightened up, and I spent Christmas with them. And the only thing that she could afford to give me was a second-hand lighter of her father's last year. He said, two days ago I come off another drunk. I've blown it now. My wife and children, I'll never get home again. And they shouldn't take me in. And yesterday I took that second- hand lighter and went into a liquor store and said, I'm dying. And I haven't got a cent. is there anything I can get for that lighter even if it's just wine I'm dying he threw it down and he got a quart of wine he drank it and he came to his senses that day and he come to the meeting and won a lighter with the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer on it and that is a miracle of AA that I saw you know a million miracles you are a miracle I am a miracle and it's through God that that miracle has happened prayers are not answered father said to his kids why do you keep praying for the red wagon for Christmas I'm broke you don't get it Christmas came the father said I told you you wouldn't get you didn't get God didn't answer your prayers what are you praying for He said, God answered my prayer. God told me no. My prayer every day is thank you, God, for my sobriety. We've laughed and we've kidded about the end of the line. Sick, nuts, all true. But do you realize that as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, what's left of us, thanks to AA, makes it possible for us to be apostles? and we can put our hand up to God as we understand him and through what's left of us thanks to A.A. Passes actually I feel the spirit of God as we extend our hand to another suffering alcoholic and say if I can help you I will and may the blessing of God be with you thank you Thank you.