Step 4 & 7 – the Value of Suffering – Russel S.

Well, hi, how you doing? My name is Russell. I'm an alcoholic. Well, not bad for an old guy. I was talking to some friends of mine. I went to see the doctor today. I made an appointment. I, I, so I was talking to a group of guys. I go to Bible study with and I was, they were praying for me. I said, I, uh, I woke up the other morning. I said, I, I said, man, I'll tell you. I said, I felt like I was a 61 year old man. And they said, well, how old are you? I said, I'm 61. Uh, but I, but I felt like it, you know, growing old. It's not for sissies. I had pains. You start getting pains. We've got some 60 and 70, 80 year old guys there. You know, you start waking up with these pains. I'll tell you, I was talking to a friend of mine today. You know, what's the great thing about growing old? Well, at least I'm talking about from my point of view, point of view, you know, everything I can say is from my point of view. This is, you know, by the way, did I say I'm Russell? I'm an alcoholic. Yeah. Oh God, I don't want to forget that, you know, but in any event, uh, you know, really it's true. The one good thing is, is probably a lot of good things about growing old. Uh, there's, there's probably, there'd be probably a lot of bad things about growing old if I didn't have the attitude I had, you know? Isn't that kind of strange when you think about it? I think about growing old is a good thing. Even with all the pains and I'll say the suffering and the stuff you go through, whatever you go through, the health problems, you know, I've had cancer and you know, you, uh, and all the other stuff that happens that you might have to worry about as far as, uh, you know, your friends start dying every, you know, whenever I, uh, whenever I go to, I go to a Bible study on Thursday morning, we're always praying for another guy who's got cancer. You know what I mean? That probably doesn't happen to 20 year olds. But we're praying for another guy, you know, they just thought coming out of the woodworks, guys, the next one's got cancer. This one's got cancer, cancer all over the place. And, uh, but notwithstanding with all that, you know, I, uh, it's amazing to me. My attitude just gets, uh, better and better and not even in spite of that stuff. When I think about it, it's actually almost because of that stuff. Because what I said to a friend of mine this morning, we were talking about, we're both about the same. I said, you know, what's, what's interesting about, uh, getting up there in age and, and, uh, dealing with things like death and dealing with things like, like having pains and all that sort of stuff, at least for me, is it gives you a really much better and clearer picture of what's important and what's not important. I mean, you just don't get wrapped up in the bullshit. You don't get wrapped up in bullshit conversations with crazy people because, you know, and, and bullshit trying to untwine people's crazy lives and get people to do things that they don't want to do, which they're not going to do anyway. And you just so much not concentrate on the non-constructive crazy crap and get distracted. And you start realizing that this is so not permanent. You, you know, time becomes like real important. And, you know, when time becomes real important, more important than anything becomes, believe me, it becomes more important than money. Time becomes so much more important than money. It's unbelievable. I, the way I look at it, I look at people, you know, I used to, I used to, for instance, I'm an attorney. As you all know, I'm an attorney. I'm not retired. I still work for a living, but I have friends, good friends at my age. They're always in court. They're always in court. When I was 30 and 40 years old, I was always in court. And I, I say, and I used to, when I'd see guys always in court, I'd say, man, that guy's really successful. That guy's really, and, and, you know, I think when I see somebody who's always in court, they're my age, I feel, I feel so sorry for them. I can't explain it. I feel so sorry for them. I feel so sorry for them. They could be, you know, on TV. They could be making millions of dollars. I feel so, so sorry for them. I say, because, because I'm, because what I value is being with my grandkids. And I value with, with being with my friends, with my buddies. You know, I call them, call ourselves heaven's trailer trash. You know, in my theology, you know, some people believe that there's, there's mansions. You know, Jesus said, there's, I'm building you a mansion. Actually, he said, but I, I think I'm going, I'll have a double wide in heaven's trailer park. I'm pretty much heaven's trailer trash, but that's okay with me. That's cool with me. I don't, I don't need much more. You know, I don't, I get lost in a mansion anyway. So, you know, it's, so my attitude, my attitude about so many things have changed, you know, and there's a, there's a quote from the Bible, Apostle Paul, who was a real whack job, you know, you know, you talk about a guy who had some problems and thorns in his flesh and things like that, you know, and he says, worldly sorrow, brings death, but godly sorrow brings salvation, brings repentance and salvation. And, and the way I understand that in my own life, and I understand that from what we're going to talk about tonight, is the difference between self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself. Anybody, I'm a self-pity-a-holic. I mean, listen, I know I'm an alcoholic, whatever that is, you know, I drank because I like the effect produced by alcohol. You know, I'm restless, irritable, discontent, unless it's been a young experience, sense of ease, comfort, comes at once by taking a few drinks. So I drank, drank that stuff, so I'm an alcoholic. I couldn't stop drinking. I got to the point where I couldn't stop drinking. You know, I wanted to stop, I couldn't stop. You know, I guess I'm an alcoholic. But, you know, I was also a self-pity-a-holic. I couldn't stop feeling sorry for myself. Anything that happened to me in my life that had anything to do with me was enough reason for me to feel sorry for myself. And everything, trust me, everything in my life had something to do with me. Like if an explosion went off in Bangladesh somewhere, you know, somehow that had to do with me. There was a reason why I should feel sorry for this damn world. There was a reason if my distant cousin died, you know. If you had cancer, I'd feel sorry. Trust me, if you're an alcoholic, if somebody else has cancer, you can figure out how to go into a corner and feel sorry for yourself. I mean, it's an amazing thing if you ever watch it. But trust me, alcoholics can be surrounded by people that are dying of terminal diseases. And if you talk to them, somehow it's going to get around to how bad things are for them. You know, and what does this mean for me? You know what I mean? It's all about, and I'm a self-pity-a-holic. I am like a dyed-in-the-wool. My mother was a self-pity-a-holic, you know, cried in her beer. And I said I would never be like my mother, and I turned out to be exactly like my mother. I was a thump. A thumb-sucking crybaby. I want to talk about that. I want to talk about... Now listen, if you're a thumb-sucking crybaby, I don't want you to get all upset about this, because I know we're all alcoholics, so you probably think I'm talking about you. You're probably back there saying, oh, he's talking about me. I saw him look at me. He's talking about me, you know. I might accidentally look at you. I understand. I'm not talking about you. I mean, if I'm talking about you... If I'm talking about you... talking about, hey, if you name it, you claim it, you know, if I'm talking about you, you know, when you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know, the one that yells the most, yelps the most is the one that gets hit, you know, so I mean, if you're all pissed off about something I had, I said, I guess I hate you, but, but, but I am a thumb, I am a thumb sucking crybaby, and so I was thinking of my, I mean, a self-pityaholic, and, and I mean, I, I just live off, I suck the life out of self-pity, I love feeling sorry for myself, I can't, I can't help but feel sorry for myself, I'm not even going to make the statement, although I'm dying to, because I'd like to think it's true, that I never feel sorry for myself anymore, because that's not true, I know that's not true, because I know there are times in my life that I'll get, I'll get mad at my wife, usually, you know, it's usually my wife, you know, everybody should have somebody in their life, everybody should have, that's why God invented wives, by the way. You know, you've got to have at least one person in your life, so that, to remind you, you're not that well. You know, if it wasn't for my wife, I think I was great, you know what I mean, but, she does an Al-Anon 10-step, whenever I'm wrong, she, she admits it, you know, but, no, but I mean, she is the only one I know who can get on the phone with me for 30 seconds, and I'm like livid, you know, I mean, I just can't, I can't deal with it, and, but what happens is, every once in a while, once in a blue moon. I'll get upset with her, and, and, I think it's like a game with her, you know what I mean, you know, she gets, and then, five minutes later, she's happy, you know, and I, you know, but I, every once in a while, I'll get upset with her, and I'll, I'll notice a feeling, I'll get a feeling, and it happens maybe once a week, or something like that, and I'll get a feeling, and I'll say, what is that, and I'll say, oh, I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I, I recognize this. Oh, I'm feeling sorry. I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I'll recognize it, you know what I mean, I've been sober almost 30 years now, and I'll, I mean, listen to me, I used to live in that feeling. I built a house, and the house was, feel sorry for yourself, it's not your fault, you're not to blame, nobody understands you, you know, it never works out for you, you always get screwed, it was, whatever cliches or statements you can remember in your life that you say, you know, why is this happening to me, they don't know who this, whatever that has to do with surrounding feel sorry for yourself, I built that house, and it was impenetrable, and I lived in that house, I couldn't get out of that house, I believed that house, that was my life, that was my whole life, that's the way I was all the time, from the time I woke up in the morning, until the time I went to sleep at night, that's where I live, and now, like once a week, my wife will say something, or something will happen, you know, she knows exactly what button to push, or how to look at me, or say something, and I'll do something, and I'll, I'll, I'll feel this feeling, you know, you know, I can't believe that she's saying that. Why did she say, you know, whatever it is, and I'll, I'll, I'll say, what's that feeling? I'll say, oh, I'm feeling sorry for myself, and then I'll recognize it, wow, and then it's gone, and then it's gone, to feel sorry for yourself, it's like gone, it's like there for like five seconds, and it's gone for another week, and I used to live there, in that feeling, and I, I, and I don't know when I stopped becoming a thumb-sucking cry. It wasn't after a year. Let's have something to do with you guys. I can see you're much more, better developed than I am, you know what I mean? It wasn't after five years. It wasn't after five years. I don't believe it was after ten years. I don't believe it was after fifteen years. It may have started happening for me, maybe after twenty years. You know, maybe in the last five years, it's gotten, you know, I, I don't know. I, I, I, because you know something, when it happens to you, when all of a sudden you're not living there anymore, you don't realize you're not living there anymore, until one day you say, hey, I'm not living there anymore. And you say, when did that stop? And you can't remember, because you're like 61, you don't remember shit, you know what I mean? Because that's what happens, you just don't remember stuff, I don't remember anything. You don't remember where it was lifted, or how it happened. You don't even remember working on it. I don't even remember working on it. I don't even remember doing, I guess all the steps have to do with that. I don't even remember doing the step on that, or talking on it. It just happened. I mean, remember, I remember a million conversations with my sponsor, with other people, and a gazillion meetings that I went to, where I felt sorry for myself. I walked in feeling sorry for myself. I took my sponsor feeling sorry for myself, or it was all about feeling sorry for myself. And somehow I worked on it, or somebody said something, and I've shared a lot of that stuff with you. And, and all of a sudden I'd be lifted out of it for a nanosecond, or I, you know, like, I called my sponsor. I've all, I've told you guys about the, the brainwashing my sponsor used to do. And, and, and there's so many things that have to do with it. And learning how to live one day at a time, you know, learning, working with other people, getting a new perspective, seeing that there are people worse off than you are, you know, being crushed. You know, what about the times I've called up my sponsor, and I'd say, I'd have a flat tire, and he'd say, you have a car? You know? You know, I don't know, you know, I mean, you know, the washer broke down in my house, I can't believe it. You have a house? You have a house? He says, I can't believe this boss, I hate this boss, I hate him. He says, you got a job? You know what I mean? How many, how many, how many thousands of times would I have to listen to that until one time, something happened, and I said, and I wanted to pick up the phone and complain to my sponsor, and all of a sudden I heard his voice saying, you got a car, you got a house, and I put down the phone. And then all of a sudden, one day, I stopped even noticing shit was happening to me, or happening around me. When did that happen? I don't know when that happened. I'm not even sure I intentionally went there. I didn't think, whatever, I didn't, I didn't think, you know, when you're in the midst, I don't know how many people have, like, five or six or seven years, or eight or nine years, that kind of deal. Maybe even 15 years. But, you know, when you stop drinking, you know, it's great when you stop drinking. I mean, I don't know about you, but I was on a pink cloud. You know, they say, watch out, you might fall off the pink cloud. I think I was on a pink cloud for 10 years. I mean, I'm not sure I ever fell off, really. I mean, I just felt, not drinking was like the greatest thing in the world for me. I was so excited about not drinking. But the truth of the matter is, as much as I love my sobriety, I love being there, I love day rooms, which is great. I listen to speakers and all that sort of stuff. The truth of the matter is, the way I remember it, is that for at least the first, I'll say, 10 years, it was like hand-to-hand combat with life. I mean, I just remember going through crap. I remember going through money problems. Anybody ever been through money problems? I mean, when I say money problems, I mean not having money. You know, I'm not talking about, gee, I have too much money. What do I do with it? You know what I mean? By the way, that's never been a problem for me, because I have had situations. Situations where I had too much money, I just gave it away. I just spent it, you know what I mean? I don't save. You know, I just spend, you know, keep the economy going. But the bottom line is, well, I tell you, when I was nine years sober, I lost all my credit cards. And I was a high earner, you know what I mean? I lost all my credit cards, because apparently, no matter how much money you make, you know, it doesn't matter what you make, it matters what you spend. If you spend more money, listen, for those of you who don't have money and are in debt, let me tell you, this is what my sponsor told me, and this is what my sponsor told me, nine years, when I went off to, because I wanted to know the secret. He said, listen, Russ, he says, when you spend more money than you make, you go into debt. Did you, I didn't even know, I didn't even know about that rule, you know? I graduated with Department of Wonders and Mathematics, I was going to be an algebraic psychologist. I didn't know if you spend more money than you make, you go into debt. I just spent, I just bought, spent, you know, did. So in any event, you know, I'm in this hand-to-hand combat with money problems, and, you know, how am I going to pay this, and how am I going to pay this, and how am I going to pay that, and then, of course, you get into all these problems about all these things you need to have, that you absolutely have to have, all the stuff in the world that's absolutely necessary, that you must have, in order to be okay, none of which, by the way, you actually need to have. You understand that? You go through about 20 years of trying to get stuff, and grab stuff, and put stuff in your life that you think you need, and you need nothing. You need none of it. You know, that, you know, I mean, how many times, I was talking about this last week, I'd be driving around in a car, perfectly good automobile, getting me from here to there, and it would have a crease in it, a mark in it. You know, somebody would hit it, or something like that, and I'd take it into the, whatever it is, the deal, and I'd say, well, how much does it cost to fix that? And he says, $800. $800. You know, that's a lot of money, $800. But I'm driving around, I'm thinking about that mark, $800. I'm thinking about that mark. I'm thinking about my car. I'm thinking about me. I'm thinking about how I look, driving in that car, with that mark on it. What people think about me. I drive because people are thinking about me, because everybody's thinking about me. What do I pull up in that car, and it has that mark, you know? It's like an imperfect car, driven by an imperfect person. It doesn't even look good anymore. And, you know, I could probably drive that car for 20 years, you know what I mean, without fixing that deal. You know, spending money I can't afford. And somehow, someway, it always seemed, it always seemed that I was compelled, compelled, to spend the money that I needed somewhere else to fix that car so that it would be perfect again. So then I would be okay again. And then I could drive up with an okay car to an AA meeting and talk about spiritual growth. What's that all about? Yeah, you're laughing. You don't know what it's like. What's that all about? When you're buying, spending, doing, running around, compelling to do all this stuff, and worrying about money, and spending money, and charging everything on stuff to make things okay that you don't even need to make okay, and then worrying at night and sucking your thumb about money when you're not doing anything. And then you're like, and then you're like, and you spend it all on stuff that you don't even need to spend it on because you can't help not doing it. And then you talk about addiction and you think it has something to do with booze. You say, but I haven't had a drink in 20 years. Yeah, but you're nuts. You're addicted to every other thing in life. And all the stuff, everything that you're anxious about and everything that you're worried about and all the stuff you're worried about, you caused yourself. And it has only to do with your attitude. What's that all about? Does that have something to do with alcoholism? I think so. You know, I think that's why we go to meetings. I don't even realize that stuff is going on. Somehow I get into the sixth and seventh step and they're talking about things. They're talking about things like romance. How about that? You start talking, go to meetings. What are these meetings? Thank God I haven't been to one in a long time. They probably still have them around. I just don't go to them. You know, where they talk about there's a relationship meeting. They don't have meetings on relationships in AA. They don't have meetings on relationships in AA. If somebody says we're having a relationship meeting, what they're talking about is sex and romance. That has nothing to do with relationships. That has to do with sex and romance. It's a sex and romance meeting. Which in the big book is treated like dents in a car. In the big book, sex and romance is like having a dent in your car. Fixing a dent in your car. It's the same deal. A relationship, you know, it says see to it that your relationship, there's only one relationship. There's only one primary relationship. You know why? Because I have this book, which is our basic text. This is the big book about false synonymous. I'm going to play a trick on you tonight. I do this from time to time. I'm going to play a trick on you tonight. You don't have to read from the big book. You know? See, what happens, if you really want to get people crazy, you don't have to read from the Bible. Just read from the big book. This is our biggest, if you read this, it says on this we agree. We basically agree. Just read from the big book. Watch them walk out of the room. They think you're reading from the Bible, but you're not. You're reading from the big book about, they just don't know what's in there. Because they read like one line, they like that line, and they close the book. They close the book. And all the other lines, they don't even read. And so I want to read from the big book and something from the 12 and 12, and then we'll pack it in. So we're on six and seven, which really has to do with other stuff. It has to do with getting rid of the causes and effects and getting this, it says our book, our big book says, see to it that you're, this is what it says, envision for you. Here's the only thing you need to know about relationships. I'm going to give it to you right now. I mean, I know we have the eighth and ninth step, and it's all about fixing, but here's the only thing you need to know. This is the bottom line deal. See to it that your relationship with him is right, and great events will happen for you and countless others. Now you say, well, who's he? Well, that's, you're going to have to figure that out. I can't help you there. I can't help you there. You're going to have to figure that deal out. But you know, God couldn't would if he was sought. Seek him. Seek him. You'll figure it out. You'll see, you know, if you have an open mind, if you're not all bent out of shape about churches and organized religion, you know, it says, it says we begin to see how religious people are right. It doesn't seem like how we begin to see how religious people are wrong. It says we lose all prejudice, even against organized religion. You know what that means? That means you relieve all, that means you get rid of all your prejudice, even against organized religion. You know, here's some guy bad-mouthing the Catholics or bad-mouthing Christianity or bad-mouthing this and everything. Don't think for a second that has anything to do with Alcoholics Anonymous. It has nothing to do with Alcoholics Anonymous. It has to do with an alcoholic acting out. Just because you're an alcoholic, and you're acting out, and you say whatever you want to say, and you say your feelings, doesn't mean that it has something to do with the program of recovery. The program of recovery is in the book. The program of recovery doesn't bad-mouth religion. The program of recovery says we lose all prejudice. We see what, we look for where people are right. We don't look to dissect religion. That's the whole point. It says in chapter two of the agnostics, it says we used to dissect people. And talk about all, when you see people that all they want to do is try to cut down people and see where people are wrong, they deal with that in chapter two of the agnostics where they say, that's the way we used to be. Don't be the way you used to be. Be the way you could be. Look at where you could be. Look at where things are right, where people are doing well in our box and odds, where you want what they have, and what's going on with them. And so to see to it that your relationship with him is right, and great events will come to you, pass to you, and tell us others, and what does the book deal with? The whole book is dealing with building a relationship with him. The first part of the book says, talks about building a relationship, every man and woman can have a relationship with his creator, talks about it in the first part of the book. Second part of the book, when you get into the fourth and fifth step in chapter five, it says right here, among other things, when we start into action, and I read this last week, having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator. A new relationship with our creator. This is from the big book. This is not me expressing my opinion. We've been trying to get a new relationship with our creator. And to discover the obstacles in our path. That's what we're doing. We're trying to get a better relationship. Because if we see to it, if our relationship with him is right, great events will come to pass with him and countless others. So why are we trying to get better relationships with other people? Everything in this book is designed to get you to have a better relationship with God, if you're understanding. So what's with the other people thing? I mean, you know, you could say, well, it's a nice thing to be... It's true. But the reason we're having a better relationship with other people, if you read the steps, if you read through the steps, it becomes clear, it's because if you want to have a good relationship with God, God wants you to be right with other people. If you hurt them, God wants you to make amends. God doesn't want to hang around... Listen, I don't want to hang around negative people. I don't want to hang around people that hurt other people. The man and woman you're going to be in the next five years is going to be based upon the people you hang out with and the books you read. And I don't want to hang around with people that hurt other people, that bad mouth other people. I want to hang... I want to hang around with people that are trying to help other people, trying to uplift other people. That's the people I want to hang out with. You know, I'm an alcoholic. I spent my entire life hanging around with bullshit artists, people that were trying to hurt people, people that were talking bad shit about people behind their back, people that were cutting down people. And I was probably the president of that organization. Okay? You know, I'm not putting down anybody else because I used to do... I don't want to do that stuff anymore. It says, see that your relationship with him is right. And you know, God doesn't want to hang out. He doesn't want to hang around with you either if that's the way you're going to be. He wants you to get right with other people. You want to have a better relationship. If this book is about having a better relationship with him and you want a better relationship with him, then you got to get right with these other people. That's what 89 is all about. And I don't want to skip over to that. But it says here, we've been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator and discover the obstacles in our path. A lot of obstacles. The anger, the resentment. That's what the fourth step is all about. We cut out the sunlight of the spirit. Why do we want to get rid of resentment? Because it makes us feel... Because when we have them, it cuts off the sunlight of the spirit. That's capital S, capital S. Sunshine of the spirit. They're talking about it. It cuts out. It grieves our relationship with God. It's very hard to focus on God and focus on who he is and what he is and our relationship with him and have faith in him when we're sitting around saying, I'll get that son of a bitch. They can't do that. It's very hard. You know, I got a one track mind. I can either think about how much I hate you. I can think about him. I'd rather think about him. I do better when I think about him. You know, that's the bottom line. So now we get to page 75. Now, page 75, I'm going to talk about step seven, but I want to start a little bit on step six. I want to read you what it says in the big book about step six and seven. I don't know what they say in the rooms these days about six and seven. I'm going to read what they say in the big book. Here's the deal. We thank... Remember, what does this have to do with it? It says to build a relationship with God, getting closer to God, throwing out the obstacles that are in the path as far as God's concerned, you know, because that's what we want to do. That's our deal. Now, returning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. Now, here we go. This is them. This is their instructions. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. We... I'm not making this crap up. We thank God. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. This is the instruction. You want to do step six? It doesn't say, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Is that what it says? Everybody wants to do that, right? Okay, this is what you got to... We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. You know, there are people in AA that if I said that, they'd walk out of the room. You know why? Because they don't want to do that. That's the reason why. It's not because they're mad at me. They're mad at me, but you know why they're mad at me? I mean, they're not mad at me. You know why they're mad? They're mad at me. They're mad at me. They're mad at me because I'm reading from a book. What is the book I'm reading from? A book called Alcoholics Anonymous, which is our basic text. It's what separates us from the Kiwanis Club. I mean, if it wasn't for this book, we'd be the Kiwanis Club. You know what I mean? We'd be the Chamber of Commerce or something, you know? Or some self-help group or something like that. Because I'm reading from a book. You know why? Because I'm reading from a book that's saying that what they should do is something they don't want to do. The chief characteristic of an alcoholic is defiance. So what should I say to a person that's mad at me and walk out the door? Should I just rip this page out of the book and say, well, you're right. We're just not going to do the book anymore. We're going to do it your way because everybody's getting sober in the United States just following you and doing it the way you want to do it. Walking out of rooms and getting mad because we all want to be pissed off like you. That's what we're looking for. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. Taking this book down from the shelf, well, you know, I'm just reading from the sixth step, which is the precursor to the seventh step. So if you're not prepared to do this, if you're not prepared to do this, you may not be prepared now to do this. You may be on step one or two. I understand. But if you're on step five or six and you're not prepared to do this, then you're not prepared to do the sixth and seventh step. At least, by the way, they're instructing to do it in this book. I mean, I see people running all over the United States looking for self-help books that basically tell them how to do AA without doing AA. Well, I found a book that was published by a gal in Michigan that says you don't have to do it with a guy. I think, well, that's fine, but it's not AA. It's some book that you found some... Hey, congratulations. You found another alcoholic in AA that agrees with you. Congratulations. I know people in AA that say you can smoke dope and stay sober. I know people in AA that say you can... Yeah, there's a lot of people that'll tell you you can do stuff in AA. It's what you want. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we get to know him better. Taking this book down from the shelf, we turn to the page which contains the 12 steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals, we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an art. For we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. When was the last time we heard that? We are building an arch through which we will walk a free man at last. I'll tell you where we heard it. We heard it just a few pages back where it says this is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that here and after this drama of life, God was going to be our director. He is the principal. We are his children. Before that, he said, you know, he says, what is the new? The new idea, the great idea that God has entered into our life. He is the centerpiece of our life. He is the father and we are his children. Most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant, here it is, arch through which we pass the freedom. What are they talking about? They're talking about him. They're talking about God. They're talking about your creator. They're talking about building a relationship. They're talking about getting rid of the obstacles. They're talking about total surrender. What are they talking about? They're talking about total surrender. They're talking about the entire book. What are they saying in chapter, right after you do the fourth step, right after you do the step three prayer, it says, we thought well before taking this step, making sure we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him. What are they talking about? If they're not talking about what we're talking about right now, what I'm talking about. It says, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are there stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the stones? On the cement, put in the foundation? Have we watered this thing down? Have we compromised? You know, is there some reason why I just don't want to do that because I'm scared? Is there a reason why we're not going full force with this thing? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? Because it's going to fail somewhere down the line. If we can answer to our satisfaction, then we look at step six. We have emphasized willingness to be indispensable. Talked about this last week. Are we now ready to let God remove all these things from us, which we admitted are objectionable? Can you take every one of them? Now comes step seven. Here's the seventh step prayer. Let me read this. When ready, we say something like this. My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me. I don't know how you twist that around without the creator. I mean, I guess there's probably ways human ingenuity can do anything, you know? How you can change that around so that he ain't there. You know, my banana, my book. My Mercedes, you know? My wife. I don't know. My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me. Good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant, you know, self-pity is that. Self-pity stops you from being useful to yourself and others. Feeling sorry for yourself. Grant me strength as I go out from you to do your bidding. Amen. We have now completed step seven. You know, you go over to the 12 and 12. You know, I actually love this stuff. I was telling somebody I really like talking about it. I don't know why I like talking about this stuff so much. Because really, you don't work the step, it works you. You don't work. Forget about it. Don't even worry about this step. Don't even worry about it. You don't even have to worry about this step. Trust me. You can't even do this step. You know, first of all, it says, since this step so specifically concerns itself with humility, you don't even have to worry about this step. You don't even have to worry about this step. We should pause here to consider what humility is and what the practice of it can mean. It says we've got to develop more humility. We've got to develop more humility. So, you know how you develop humility in AA? You don't develop it. Well, you do develop it. But it's like, well, you remember how you came in? How many people remember coming into AA? You know? Would you say when you came into AA, you were like, humble? Now, remember what was going on like two weeks before coming into AA? Does that give you some... That should give you like a hint of the pattern. There's a pattern here. You know? Did you come in at... I don't know about you, but down at the call room, it's not like you win a million dollars. You're like riding the crest. You know, you're the greatest guy in the world. Everybody's cheering you on. Your whole family's together. Everybody thinks you're the greatest guy in the world. And you say, whoa, I've had a revelation. I think I ought to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm doing so well. I think AA is the thing for me. I'll just give my... My life will go over to the care of God and listen, get a sponsor, and do exactly what he tells me to do. No. No. You know, because believe me, I sponsor all the guys that used to be millionaires. You know, I used to be president of Panama. You know what I mean? Yeah, right, I know. Why don't they ever sponsor the guys that are still millionaires? You know, they're all used to... Can you lend me five? You know, I used to be a billionaire. No. We come in after the divorce papers, after the indictment, facing the jail time, no money in the bank, the wife has left us and everything, and all of a sudden, what do I do? You know, we're picking up white jobs. All of a sudden, that's how... That should give you an indication as to how we develop humility. You get it? Now they're saying, now you've got to develop more humility. Now here's the question. What do you think they're talking about? Do you think they're talking about, you get up one day and you say, you know, I think I'll be humble today? Or how can I be humble today? No, they sort of give you some more hints here. They say this. They say, for us, the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful. Which means, not only is it painful, it's unbelievably painful. Are you liking this? I mean, for those of you who are looking forward to the next 20 years, you know what I mean? It's unbelievably painful. It is only by repeated humiliations, which means you get to be humiliated more than one time. That we were forced to learn something about humility. You don't even get humble. You're just like learning about it. It's like a class, you know? I mean, you lose all your money, you go into debt, they foreclose on the house, you know, people are leaving, you think life is over, and you say, what's this all about? Oh, you're just learning about humility. It's like a class, 101. It says that we were forced to learn something about humility. It was only at the end of a long road. That's for those of you who think it happens after the first five years. Or the first 10 years. Or maybe even the first 15 years. It was only after a long road. They're talking about more than 90 day check. It was only after a long road marked by successive defeats and humiliations. And the final crushing of our self-sufficiency that we began to feel humility as something more than a condition of groveling despair. It's only by being crushed 50, 100, 200, 500, 1,000 times in the furnace of life that we say, yeah, you're all alive, right? That means after this meeting, you're going out there. Now, I know you feel pretty good in here. I feel good in here. I like you guys. You like me. We have a good time. We have a yuck. But after this meeting, you're leaving this building, you're going to get in your car, and you're going to go out there for another 24 hours or whatever into the next meeting. You're going to go out there into the traffic. You're going to go out there into the U.S. mail, into the Internet, into your work. You're going out there. You're going out into the crusher. You're going out into life. You're going out, and you're going to let God work on you. He's going to be working on you. This world's going to be working on you. I know you think everybody's out there. This is not going to work. entire world's out there just waiting for you so they can just sort of lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. I know you think all the billboards are out there saying spend here, do this, do that. All the television commercials are designed to make sure you're spiritually fit. I know you guys who are 40, 50, 60 years old who watch all those commercials on TV that say if you can get a four hour hard on until you're 90 years old, that's a sign of spiritual success in our society. And I know you're all judging yourself by I must be a loser because now apparently in the United States that's a sign of a real profit. You know what I mean? Because that's what we've come to. And people are buying into that crap, judging themselves and their lives by whether they can get a hard on. And spending billions of dollars. I know that's what we think of as society. And they think I'm crazy. You know, Russell, he's kind of crazy. They're playing that shit on TV. Of course they think I'm crazy because what I'm talking about, people won't spend money. I'm not talking about turning to God, they're talking about turning to pharmaceuticals. You know, if that's what you want to pin your life on, you know, whether you can, you know, how much sex you have or whether you can get a hard on or, you know, whether you can take my, if that's why, I'm not putting down anybody who's done, I'm not talking, listen, if you want to get upset with yourself and you think that that's the reason that's what this is all about and cancel out everything I'm saying and not think about it because you're mad at me because I said that and you're, then you know something, that's your deal. That's on you, that's not on me. That's just another way of playing games so you don't have to think like a human being as to what I'm actually saying. As to what's important and what's not important. Because in the end, when they put you in the ground, it doesn't matter how many times you got laid or what kind of car you have because there ain't going to be no U-Haul at your funeral. Nobody's going to give a shit. Nobody's going to care. And AA is certainly not about that crap. Our program is certainly not about that crap. It talks about, in Alcoholics Anonymous, it says, this improved perception of humility talks about character building. This improved perception of humility starts another revolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come straight out of the painful ego puncturing. Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems. That's why we can't manage our own lives. Because the way we want to manage our lives is to do everything we can to manage our own lives. And that's why everything we can to avoid pain and problems is to put a drug on it, put a syrup on it, put sugar on it, take a pharmaceutical, do something to avoid pain and problems. When the only shot we have is to run into the pain, embrace it, trust God and go through it. Instead of pouring booze or drugs or all over it. Our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come straight out of painful ego puncturing. Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems. We fled from them as from a plague. Of course we're going to charge up everything in the world. If we can charge it, we'll charge it, whether we can pay for it or not. Of course we're going to take the path of least resistance. Of course we're going to do the things that we shouldn't do, as long as we can somehow avoid the pain for one more day. That's the way we are. That's why we can't manage our own lives. That's why we have a sponsor. That's why we turn it over to him. Because we're going to go in the wrong direction. We never wanted to deal with the fact of suffering. We never wanted to deal with the fact, just go through the suffering. Escape by the bottle was always our solution. Character building through suffering might be alright for saints, but it certainly didn't appeal to us. Then in AA, we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. Story after story about how people went through all sorts of crap and came out the other end and were better people for it. And as a matter of fact, you're amazed by those people. Those are the stories that amaze you. This guy had cancer. He lost his kid. He lost his legs. You know, he lost his business. You know, and look at him now and look what he's doing. Look who's helping. Those are the people you're amazed by. That's the amazing stuff. It says here on page 71. Certainly know, this is why I like AA. You know, because it's such a bait and switch job. Because, you know, the great thing about Alphonse and Amos, it's because they know who they're dealing with. They're dealing with us. Liars and cheats and people that really don't want to buy into any of this stuff. So the way they sell it to us is they do a bait and switch. They tell us one thing and we think we're going in one direction and then they pull out the rug out from under us and you don't even know they're doing it as they're doing it. This is what they say. It's so alky. It's unbelievable. You're going to love this. You ever read this stuff? These guys are magicians. Certainly no alcoholic and surely no member of AA. Not Russell, not me. And it's true. Wants to deprecate. Deprecate means put down. Material achievement. Now what does that mean? Certainly no alcoholic and surely no member of AA wants to in any way, in any way, put down money, property, prestige, all that stuff from material achievement. So you're sitting there saying, well, thank God for that. I thought I was joining a religious cult. You know what I mean? Great, I can have my car, the bag, I can have everything I want. So now you're feeling good, right? You're like open. You're listening. You know what I mean? You're not running out the door, right? Nor do we enter into debate with many who so passionately claim to the belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object of life. We're not even debating whether or not running after girls and running after money is the... We don't even want to get into that argument. Oh, thank God for that. At least I'm not in the Catholic Church. You know what I mean? They be telling me all sorts of crap about I have to do this and that. I'm an AA. Anything goes. But, but, but, you know, this is like the way your sponsor talks. You ever notice that? You have to start a discussion with your sponsor. He's talking, then all of a sudden someone in the middle of the sentence, I'm saying, what'd you say? You got the feeling he's trying to get you to, like, go to men-only meetings? I mean, what do you want, give up? All of a sudden he's telling you stuff. Where did this come from? But, we are sure that no class of people in the world ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this formula in alcoholics. So, what did they just say? We don't want to tell you any of this stuff is bad, or material achievement is bad, or, you know, any of this stuff is bad, but, none of it has ever worked. It's the worst thing in the world for you. They, like, did a spiritual jiu-jitsu on you. You know what I mean? Of course they're saying it's horrible. For thousands of years, we've been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. They love romance right in there. Isn't that right? Isn't romance, like, spiritual? You can't touch it or feel it or something like that? Romance right in there. You know? Why don't I have a girlfriend on Saturday night? Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week. It's the night me and my baby used to dance cheek-in-cheek. Why don't I have a girlfriend? Why do I have a dent in my car? Why don't I have money in the bank? You know, why can't I show up? Why can't I be like him? It has nothing to do with God. It has to do with trying to satisfy my basic desires by having a girl. Let me tell you something. A woman cannot satisfy my basic desires. Not the desires that cause me to drink. A man can't satisfy yours. It'll distract you. He'll distract you. She'll distract you for a while. The car will distract you. The money will distract you for a while. Because if it would have satisfied you, you wouldn't be in alcoholics and honors. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank the dreams, still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even apart, we drank what we lived in. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. And so what I realized is that as I go through AA, like I talked about the AA car wash, which I won't go into there. That's in another tape or something. You don't have to get that. But as I go through AA, and I go through life, and I'm doing this stuff, and I'm being pummeled, and the money's being taken away from me, and I'm whining, and I'm crying, and the girl is being taken away from me, and the relationships, the romantic love being taken away from me, and the prestige is being taken away from me, and I'm having to live in that sort of situation day after day, year after year, and get through it, and find some type of happiness. And it happens over and over again. And somehow I manage, once this stuff is taken away, to not rely on this stuff, but to rely on my relationship with God one day at a time. And I start feeling better and better, and all of a sudden I get to some point in my life where I really don't need that stuff to make me feel okay. You know, I was telling somebody on the way over here, you know, we're driving to my friend's car, and it's an older model car, and it's a great car. And we're driving there, and I'm talking to my friends, and I just love being with them, they're good people and everything. And I said, you know, here's the deal. And I said, you don't have to believe me, and I understand if you don't experience it, you won't believe me. It says, I feel as good right now. If we were driving in a silver cloud Rolls Royce, and I was driving it, I would feel no better than I feel right now in this 15-year-old car. It would make no difference to me one way or the other. And you don't have to, if you're of a mind where you've never experienced that in your life, so that you don't believe it, it's just, you haven't experienced it. So you can hold that in contempt. You know, you can say, well, that's not possible, that's a bunch of bullshit. And I would have said, well, that's a bunch of crap too. Of course you feel better in a yacht, and the truth of the matter is, it's the absolute truth in my life. Now the weird thing is, I don't necessarily deprecate, I don't put down material things. I don't say, you know, it's bad to have them, or it's good to have them, it's just not the centerpiece of my life. But I learned that, through the suffering and the crap and the pulling away, you know, if you never, you lose, if you never lose stuff, and you always have that stuff, and you're always going after that stuff, you never know, you never even have a shot of learning what it's like to live to good purpose and feel good about yourself without it. Without it. You never even have a shot. You've got to lose it in order to learn how to survive and feel good about yourself without it. So thank you very much.