Step 12, Freedom From the Obsession, Sharing Experience – Earl H.

All right, I got another question. The question is, how many meetings should a newcomer go to? Let me put it this way. I used to work with some sober living homes out in my area about an hour from where I live, and they require a lot of meetings. If you're working full-time, they require minimum 14 meetings a week. All right? The message is this. Nothing, nothing gets in the way of a constant connection and commitment to Alcoholics Anonymous. Working full-time? Terrific. Then you'll only do 14 meetings this week. See what I'm saying? So those guys are at the 6.15 a.m. meeting and they go to the 6, 15 to 17 a.min meeting at the 502 Club before they go back to work. After work, very easy to hit at least one of the many, many meetings that are being conducted in that immediate area. Weekends, doubling up shouldn't be a problem. So two a day is nothing. The record is held by John C. Fifty-four meetings in one week. So if you're a newcomer, I would suggest a meeting a day. Suddenly? Doesn't sound like much, does it? Go to a meeting a day. Why not? I think in the beginning, I mean, what we're doing in the beginnning is different than any other time. What we're doin' in the beginning is building a foundation upon which we will stand free men and women. Free of the beat. Free of enslavement of alcoholism and drug addiction. Right? We're buildin' that foundation. I would suggest that it requires constant involvement, right? I mean, I don't want to build an okay foundation. I want to know that my foundation kicks ass. That's what I want now. So I'm going to be involved on a daily basis. I'm calling my sponsor every day. Doing what he asked. I'm doing what he said. I'm not going to a meeting a day. I went to them. They said if they had said to me, Earl, I want you to go to a meaning a day for your first five years. We'll talk again then. I would have said, okay, clearly you're still drinking because I ain't doing that. The fact of the matter is I went to way more meetings than a meeting a day for my first five years. Way more. Because I was doubling up on the weekends because I was hanging with my new friends, these sober guys. I was chasing her. She was sober. I needed to look very, very sober. All the wrong reasons. I'm building a very solid foundation. Again, what gets you there? People say, well, you know, I don't know if that's a good way to get to AA. Please. I don' t care how you get here. Well, I'm here because the judge made me come. Perfect. I got here because I thought it was a good idea. Perfect. I'm her so my wife won't leave me. Perfect. How do you get her and how do you gain her? What causes you to stay? Perfect. right this ain't about the mindset you're not going to think your way into right action you're going to act your way in the right thinking that's what you're going to do just it's about footwork man let the feet bring the head let's face it when you get here if you're anything like me you may have kicked you may not have kicked but you let's say the worst case scenario you come here and you kick go into meetings now you've kicked you've dealt with the lesser aspect of of your disease, you're not sitting in AA meetings with a head full of alcoholism, right? Beast is whispering in your ear. Oh, beast in the air going, he's looking right at you, smiling. It's going on in here. Fine, you brought him here. The ones that I love are the meetings where you go into and the guy raises his hand and says, Earl, the beast The beast is talking to me right now. I mean, it's so loud, I'm surprised you guys can't hear it. Right? It's absolutely unbelievable because you know the beast has sworn you to secrecy and here you are talking out in plain view of other recovering alcoholics. Beast is like, oh, great, that was smooth. Right? I mean if you're going to... I thought it was between us if you were going to do this and we're... You know what? We're not talking. Excellent. Excellent. Bring it on out in the room. I love the guy who shares his hand and says, Bill Alcoholics, came here today to tell you all to fuck off. Hate you, hate alcoholics, don't hate you as a group, I hate each and every one of you individually. Hate AA, hate your pedestrian little book, hate it all. Came here to let you know that's where I'm at, thanks for letting me share. half the room goes well alright dope way to go man keep coming back you sorry son of a bitch I love that guy because you know what that guy felt like that at home and he got up off his ass got in his car and went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and they said would anybody like to share he simply responded and told them the truth truth. He's not doing so bad, is he? Yes, he has a bad attitude. How shocking that one of us would have a bad attitude. And he's telling the truth. You go back six months later, right? Guess who's making the coffee there? And doubling is the GSR. He is. I remember going out to that Tuesday night workshop that I did for five years straight. On sabbatical now. And they brought in a guy who was in the house, Big Frank. Big Frank is an Hispanic gentleman. Big Frank's been gangbanging his whole life. Big Frank has been in the system since he was a kid. All right? Big Frank got inked. First thing you meet on Big Franks is neck, you know? I walk up and say, Frank, how are you doing? He goes, give me a minute. Let's get something straight. I am here so that I don't do time. This is why I'm here, Mr. Little White Man. And I am going to, you say go left, I will go left. I will do everything that you suggest me to do. I will be in total compliance with the program here at this Clover Living Facility. I will doing everything I got. But the minute I got this beef off my back, the minute my case is resolved, I'm getting high. Are we clear? I said, Big Frank, we are clear. Now, since you're going to be here for a year, what do you say you and I talk a little bit between now and then? Whatever floats your boat, little white man. Off Frank goes, right? Now, Frank was in the back of the meeting and every day on Tuesday I'd come in and say, Frank, how you doing? Apparently that's just Frank's way of saying hello. You know? Frank and I talked about it a little bit every Tuesday night for a year. I am Frank's sponsor now. Frank just celebrated four years of sobriety. Not because I'm his sponsor, but because Frank was willing to talk about it. Frank was going to talk to me to take the actions that were requested of him during the course of that year. And as a result, a change occurred and Frank is a free man. Frank and i hugged each other and cried when frank came to me and said, my probation officer has lifted my probation. I'm no longer required to be anywhere or answer to anyone. To which I replied, except me and God. Right, Frank? And he said, well, God. And he's a beautiful human being. And I love Frank. And I look at him and Frank says, Frank, you walk into a meeting now and when you see Frank, this is what Frank is doing. Okay, I say, here's what you do, man. I want you to read the doctor's opinion, all right? And I want your opinion on this. I want for you to be able to read the first eight pages of Bill's story and then you call me right away, okay? And I'm not talking about tomorrow, all Right? I'm talking about tonight, all All right? All right. And I am like, okay, right? I got a problem with God? I think not. not. Big Frank carrying the message, man. He's fierce. Frank's like, he's like a modern day samurai to me, man, the guy's huge. He is an amazing human being. Doctor told Frank, Frank you gotta lose some, big Frank you got to lose some weight. Frank Hart's about to stop. His vision getting blurred, I mean bad stuff happening right? Frank said okay. Frank Frank lost 100 pounds. He's still big, right? But he's a much smaller version. So how'd you do that? He said, one day at a time, man. Thank you, Frank. And how cool is this guy, right ? I also sponsor Satan. I do. His name is Louis Offer. Lucifer. That's his real name. Lou Offer . he's got a shaved head and two horns of red hair shellacked up into horns he's gotta little beard that swirls down into a point and kind of tips up at the end down about here he's gonna he's had a devil's tail tattooed up his back he's gotten flames tattooed on his legs like he's standing in the fires of hell and I spoke at a meeting one night and this dude comes walking up and says bro you gotta sponsor me now immediately I become greatly concerned about what it is I'm throwing out there because clearly Satan sees that I'm his guy, right? And I have sponsored him. Louie just celebrated 10 years of sobriety. Louie is an amazing human being. Sponsors a lot of guys, helps a lot of people. When those little speed freaks on Hollywood Boulevard out in Hollywood, right, I mean, these guys are 14, 15, 16, 17 years old and they come screaming into the midnight madness meetings in Hollywood, and I mean just in time. If you can imagine 15 years old and getting here just in time. Come tweaking in off that street in those midnight magazines, man, they look around and go, holy shit, the devil got over. They see Louie standing out there with the horns and the whole thing, right? Louie goes walking over and puts his arm around him and says, it's alright little bro, you don't ever have to get loaded again one day at a time if you don' want to. And I just want to cry. when I see that and they look at him and they go I am so into this right now I can walk up to him and say little brother uh my name is Earl I got 22 years clean and sober and I'm gonna I'm going to show you how to catch a buzz that is more fierce than anything you have ever known in your life and they'll look at me and go 22 years right either you didn't use like me or there's you're lying there's a lost weekend in there somewhere they'll believe Louie they don't believe me they'll believe him. They don't know that when they pass on me and sit down with Louie, they just move to another seat at the same table. And who cares? They say, well, I got a pass. I'm going to go with Lou. I say, okay. I just smile and go, all right. That's a big shift in the game plan, though. Right? And we all end up brothers and sisters doing the same deal, man. The common problem and the common solution is drawing us closer and closer Those are together. Step 12, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of doing these steps, that was the whole point, having been restored to sanity, soundness of mind, relieved of the obsession of drinking you, walking the earth a free man. What do I do? Because I've been coming to Alcoholics Anonymous and going to these meetings and talking to this sponsor, going to These Bookstates and I've taken from you, which is precisely what I should have been doing. It's taken from me. It's from you. When Donald looked at me and said, said, Earl, Earl it's really not necessary that you share because you don't have anything we want. That was a fair and reasonable statement. Sit down, shut up and listen was really applicable to me. And when they said to me to do that, it was really the kinder, gentler thing to say. If they had said, well, Earl what do you think? Earl, if my sponsor had called me and said, I'd say, Earl, would you like to go to a meeting? Would you like to go? Or, Earl, we're all going to go to a meaning over here. Would you like to join us? This never, ever happened. I would come home from work and I'd hit the answering machine and it would be Donald Madden. We're meeting at 2nd in Santa Monica at 8 o'clock. The meeting starts at 8.30. You'd be there by 8. Click. Well, thanks for the invitation. I would go be there at 8th. The meetings at 830. Why am I here at 8? Because there's people here that are newer than you, if you can believe that. There's people hier that actually know even less than you. Maybe you could help them out. Get out of your self-centered little brain and help them out. Glad I asked, Donald. Thanks. Go be there for somebody else, right? Oh, okay. And go. And do. Go pick up Ed. He's on the corner of 2nd and Santa Monica, 6th and Santa Monica. Pick him up and bring him to Ohio Street. All right. Just go. And I'd do it. And what happened was, I got introduced to contrary action. Nobody asked me what I thought, what my best thinking was on this. We all knew it sucked. We're going to go with his best thinking. That's the great thing about a sponsor. Use the best thinking of another. That's one of the great surrenders around here, to be willing to go with the best thinkings of another, one who has what it is I seek. Comfortable sobriety. Someone who's comfortable sober. Somebody who's free. Somebody who has been relieved of the obsession of drinking years. That's what I'm after. The rest of you hear that? Oh, good. That's good. That's great. I'm getting really, really tired, man, because the bells are starting. If it's just me, I can roll with it. Don't, I mean, I got lots of experience. Okay. All right, we have people turning their cell phones off. Thank you. You saw me go away right there. Didn't you just see it happen? I remember being in an AA meeting in the back of Ohio Street on a Saturday night and I couldn't go another step. It was about two years sober. I was done. Saturday night, couldn't do it. Done. Too hard. Too damn hard. And I just was caving in. You know, I was just caving In. I couldn' t move. And Donald saw me. The main speaker stopped talking. and he gets up and he walks up to the podium and he taps the speaker on the shoulder in the middle of the talk. The guy steps aside and he gives up at the podium and he goes, Oh! And I'm in the back of the meeting and he's like, Oh, fuck. And he, We're having a meeting. Right. Now everybody else in the meeting is going, Who the hell is Earl? Right? Because I don't talk to anybody but Donald. I don' t. I never took a chip. I didn' t take a kick until I was three years sober. Didn' t say a word in AA until Iwas two and a half. I'm a slow burn, man. I'ma slow burn. But I'm still here. Because every time it came down to the wire, every time a line got drawn in the sand, I stepped over it. Somebody said to me, how can you get through the fear of letting go? How do you get over the fear of letting going? To be able to let go. go. And I said, you don't. You let go in the face of it. We don't wait till we're not afraid to do stuff around here. We do it in the faith of that fear. We take action in the fate of the fear. That's how the fear gets relieved. You get what I'm saying? It's the action. You don't have to like it. You know, you just have to do it. So I do it all. I have the awakening. I'm free to the the beast. The beast leaves. I'm done, right? I'm able to on a daily basis engage in the behavior that makes it possible for me to walk the earth free of the obsession of drinking juice. I have addressed the obsession in the mind and the allergy of the body. Life's just getting more and more and more miraculous. I've been coming to AA all this time to take, and I've been given precisely what I need. What do I do? I now go to meetings to do. I now take the place of the ones who've gone before me i now go to the meeting and i am not there to take from the meeting but i'm there to be a service to that meeting i'm here to be an example of what can happen i stand there just buzzing away and the newcomers come in and go it's that vibe right because fred ellis is gone i can't tell him go stand behind fred Ellis after the meeting at Thursday night Brentwood beginners workshop and check that buzz out because Fred's gone But Fred gave that buzz to a lot of men. You can go to that meeting now, and there's another guy. There's other guys I'm going to point to. Go listen to him. Go listento him. When we go to a meeting and a certain guy speaks and I say to my boys, phaser shields down, boys. This one's safe. Just let it happen. Soak this man in. Because he's going to throw down. He's going tell you the real deal. He's gonna talk about trusting God, cleaning house. And helping others. You got me, right? I was in Texas earlier this year, right. And I go walk in the room and Circe is sitting there. Circe's 92 years old. She married the same woman for 68 years. Sober 57 years. Now AA is only what? 56? 57? Last July? Last June? June 10th? I've got a few things left in here. Circe says, oh, what are you doing here? Jesus. Circe knows my name. Hi, Circe. I tell them they should give Circe a ring so we got something to kiss when we see him. All right? Because Circe and his wife and Bill W. and his life used to travel together. They were traveling buddies, right? Back in the beginning days. And I had flashback 17 years. I'm five years sober. I'm 5 years sobered. I've gone nothing but AA meetings. People are saying, let's go to this conference. Let's do this, this, and this. No, no, no. Man, I've got to go to a meeting. I was so afraid of changing anything that I was going to get loaded. I just went to meetings. I'm going to meetings, I'm gong to meetings and I took a chance and I said there was a conference that was like 20 minutes south of where I was living and I got in my little car and I drove down there and I paid my thing and I went in and I snuck into the back of this meeting which just terrified me. There was like 2,000 people in this room and there was guy named Franklin W. from Olive Branch, Mississippi standing up there sharing away and I'm in the back and all of a sudden Franklin W. says I'll sum up Alcoholics Anonymous for you in six words those six words being trust God clean house help others and it blew the top of my head off I had a spiritual experience standing right there that's it all fits doesn't it all the little things we've been talking about all day bam there they are trust God clean house help others me, God and you except the whole nine yards it's there it's right there the action plan what I do in meetings how I function on a daily basis from the moment I open my eyes until I go to bed at night. Trust God, clean house, help others. I stay in there. I'm on it. So I go vibrating out of that deal and I go on about my life. And I'm thinking, I got this from this guy. I don't even know who the hell this guy is. Trust God. Clean house, help others, Franklin W. from Olive Branch, Mississippi. It's like branded in my brain. And I go along. 17 years later, I'm in Texas. I run into Circe. Circe says, come here boy. How you doing? Good man. Who are you doing this for? I said, what's going on Circe? He goes, well I was just having a conversation this guy over here. I was talking to him about how back in the old days when I was hanging out with Bill and stuff, you know, I get goosebumps. Whoa. Hanging out with Bill. That doesn't come up in conversations a lot, guys I know. Well, I was hangin' out with Bill Wilson. He co-founded around the Halls Anonymous, the largest spiritual movement on the planet today. I mean, just an amazing thing that this guy was talkin' about, right? So then we would travel and we'd pose the question because, you know there was this guy, Franklin W., more goosebumps, Right? Franklin W. Oh, it's getting weird. He used to go around and be talking about stuff and he goes, you know, he was one of the original circus people, guys. And it came out of a conversation that seriously was having with Bill and he said, you know what? I wonder what it is, what program it is that we will give to the generations that are yet to come. I mean, the world changes. Things change. Right? What is it? What is the common denominator? What is at the core or the heart of this thing that we would pass to the future generations that have yet to come to alcoholic denominations? And Bill said, well, that's easy. Trust God. Clean house. Help others. Get the top of my head blown off again, 17 years later, talking to, well that was 16 years ago, that was before I turned 22, in Texas earlier this year, quite seriously. How do you explain this? Concisely. You know? How do YOU explain that this is about raising the dead, man? How do You explain how that happens? Well, it's simple. You know, you trust God, you clean house, you help others. Mind, body and spirit brought together as a whole human being. Therein lies the balance we seek, right? How an individual is absolutely completely and totally addicted enslaved by alcohol and drugs could rise up out of a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Interestingly enough, something that remains in fact a hopeless state of mind and body for the great majority of us. We come into these rooms and we think this and this becomes the norm for us. Sober people. People get drunk, they come to AA, they get sober, they live happily ever after. That ain't the case. From right here you could probably throw a rock and hit 100 people for every one in here that knows they're alcoholic, would love to stop drinking, and can't because it's got them by the throat. This isn't the common experience. This is our common experience, but that's us. That's not all alcoholics. This is a rare, remarkable gift. And what I'm asked for this incredible, remarkable blessing in my life is that I engage in this process to go steps 1 through 11 having have the experience haven't been given the remarkable thing having been restored to sanity soundness of mind having been relieved of the obsession to drink freed from the beast finally after 16 years of mayhem I'm asked to practice these principles and carry the message I'm asked to go back to these meetings that have saved my life for these people that had saved my my life, and pick up the torch that they have set down because they have passed on. So be the one that carries the message of the original 100. To be that guy now, not to be the ones who benefits from it, but to be the one who is willing to pass that on. It's the only thing Donald Madden ever asked of me. He said, I'll give you everything I've got. Everything. And that's one thing of you. When you catch this bug, when it lights up your life, when it goes so far past not drinking and using, it's blowing your mind on a daily basis. When you catch that buzz, I want you to give freely to the next guy coming through the door as it's been freely given to you. And I promised him that I would do that. And I've honored that promise every day since. Every day since and he's been dead eight years since last July 26th. And I will honor that one day at a time until the day I die. Why? Because it works. You can say whatever else you want about this thing, but you must say, and it works, if we work it. The 12th step is an opportunity. What it does is it proves to me that I can view life in a completely different manner. An example, how many of you were forced at some time during the course of your life to stand in line? When you go to the market, you have to stand on a line. When you got to the DMV, you'll have to stay in line. When you get to the movies, you will have to wait in line When you cross a bridge, you gotta wait in lines, don't you? May I suggest that you don't have to, but you get too. you're going to wait either way you can choose to have to wait if you wish I choose to get to wait I get to change the way I perceive it, but I get to be a man among men I'm not locked in a cage I'm never going to be I'm very I've lived two decades beyond anything anybody expected I ran into an old family friend not too long ago who said to me you know we're very proud of you and I said no, I didn't cry Frank's got nothing to do with my life. And they said, she's a normie. And she said, well, you know we had to let you go. We loved you, but we had to let your go, all of us. We'd all let you go because it was too painful to watch and there was no way you were going to survive the course of your life. And we knew it and we accepted it and we let you down. You were 27 years old. I'm 50. Now, I know you're shocked to hear that because I look so wonderful. Heroin is a remarkable preservative. But you get what I'm saying? Look, it's huge, this thing. This goes so far past not drinking and using. There's a buzz here so powerful. And all you've got to do is get here. Right here, right now. See, this is the thing, right here, right now, that I lost. That's what alcohol and drugs took away from me. Because right here, right now, I'm self-centered and I'm afraid. Right here, right now I'm comparing my insides to your outsides and I am losing every time. Right here right now I can't do it. I am too frightened. But you put drugs and alcohol on me and I feel like I can function in the world. Ultimately what it does is it takes right here right away from me. I like to think that I like alcohol, heroin, barbiturate. These are a few of my favorite things. This is where I like go down and out. My idea of a good night is just sitting around checking my pulse. That's a good life. But if you don't have any of that, I'll take the cocaine okay, right? Can't go down, let's go up. Because it's not about down or up, it's about getting out of right here, right now. And right here right now is all there is. There's nothing else. This is it now. This is where I'm going to know dignity as a man. This is what I'm doing. This is why I'm gonna experience freedom. This is when I'm gunna know peace. This is one gunna love you. This is run gunna feel love. Something I never felt in my life before coming here. You could tell me you love me. I didn't understand. Couldn't let it in. Now I feel loved. It's an amazing, warm, nurturing feeling. It's like a blanket. It's a remarkable thing. Now. Alcoholics Anonymous gave me that now. Right now. I lost it to the beast. Got it back here. Nothing can happen at any other time than right now. So when I go to a meeting with whatever attitude I have, and I sit down and some guy comes up to me and says, Earl, can I ask you a question? Or thanks, you said this, and thanks for that. I feel like I have purpose and I have value in my life. And I came here without either. What I discover in the doing of it and in the being of service and going back to take, give instead of take, is I start to find where the real buzz is. It is in working with the new people. It is in feeling like I'm in the game because I'm willing to face my worst fear to come here. You know? And then I'll get on another plane tomorrow. I landed here and I was thinking about you know, I've never seen the United States. I could get a car and drive home because I don't want to do that again. And I'll get on the plane. I'll be exhausted and I'll fly home. And I'm not doing any of it because I'm a good guy. It's got nothing to do with it. I'm doing it because I am a fine example of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know why I'm catching such a powerful buzz being one of you? I don' t want to give it up. I like the buzz. I'm as big a pig sober as I was using. I was never interested in a little bitty baby buzz out there you never heard me say no thanks, I've had enough if you can say it, it's not true he understands uh-uh man I never said, no more for me, I'm driving never said that never no, no, you can have that last little bit I'm fine over here Shut up. Never said that. And I'm not any different in here. Right? I work all 12 steps, in order. I go to regular meetings regularly. I look my sponsor in the eye every Monday night. I do what he asks me to do. I say yes to AA requests far beyond what anybody in my personal life seems to think is reasonable. I thank them for sharing. I'm catching a huge buzz. I was exhausted when I got here. I was exausted. Perfect example, last night. I'm exhausted. A guy picked me up. It takes an hour and 50 minutes to go to the hotel. I get to the hotel, I go upstairs. You can touch the walls in the room. Right? There's a single bed, a little TV. I'm very fortunate apparently to have my own bath. The lobby's fabulous. But once you're in, there's a whole new awakening when you hit your floor. Ava's looking at me like, oh Lord, just hang with me Now I get there and look at this room and I go, what the hell is this shoebox? I've never been in a hotel room this small for Christ's sake. The bathroom is bigger than the room. How am I supposed to watch that TV from there? I mean, literally, the single bed is half the room, right? My nightstand is my suitcase. And I'm thinking, Jesus Christ. And I'M exhausted, right, and then the street noise. Apparently, you're all shooting at each other all the time because the sirens are endless. The sirens were going and the ambulances and the police and it's just, and they're all, apparently this is all happening on my block. I mean, I got two hours sleep. But you know what happened to me in the middle of the night? I'm laying there and I thought to myself, you can look at this any way you want. And I remember being in boarding school when I first started getting loaded in my dorm room. It was about that size. I remember being in that dorm room and being miserable miserable all the time. Has nothing changed? Earl, has nothing changed or can you be quite comfortable here? And I thought to myself, you know, it's warm enough in here. I don't feel cold. The TV, by God, it is a color TV. Right? The bathroom, lovely. The bed, nobody but it ended up being plenty of room. Right? Suddenly, I liked my hotel room. I was going to go downstairs to the lobby. I had figured it out in my head I would go downstairs and I would simply say, I'm in New York. I'd try to get a little New Yorkish about it and I'd say, Hi, Earl H., 1616. The room sucks. Give me another room. Not can you get me another home. Just get me an other room. It doesn't have to be in this building. It can be in another hotel. Just you get it. I'm not... By the time I got up this morning and went downstairs, the front desk said, how are you? I said, fabulous. I'm fun. I'm kind of high. I've had two hours sleep. I'm going to go sit in front of a bunch of people and talk about strange things. It's going to be great. I feel okay. Right? I go to the lobby. There's a couple of people there to meet me. I didn't know them, but I knew who they were the minute I saw them. A bunch of them A bunch people in the lobby I went out. There they are. There they're. There theyre. How are you doing? Good. Haven't slept. Room like a shoebox. It's okay. Go. Look forward to going back to my little room. Very little care is needed to keep it very neat and tidy. Right? You get that you pick your perception of things. What's going to work for you? Life on life terms is life on life term. The 12th step gets me out of myself has me being of service to other people. Out of self more God whether I believe in God understand God? Irrelevant. It's happening. I can just out of self, more God. Out of self more God it's going it's working I'm in the world I'm having fun I'm allowed to change my perception of everything as a result of this process I'm able to look at it any way I want it is what it is right I don't have to go into denial and say well Earl that's crazy you're not in reality here hell I'm not I'm a completely reality based guy eye. But I can see the positive in things before I couldn't see it, which makes my life better. I'm having a very good time, as you can see, right? Right now, my left leg is completely numb. I cannot feel my left foot. I cannot see my left hand. I can't feel my right hand. I've been standing here all day while you guys lounge comfortably in your little auditorium seat. That's why I get paid the big dough to stand up here. But guess what? All you got today was me. Look what I got. Look what I got Sure are you. Look at some of it. You want to hug me? Okay, okay. Thank you. No, I brought you over. That was great. Look at that. How cool is that? That's what I've been looking at all day. Y'all should be up here. It's incredible. But then you wouldn't be able to see you out there, so forget it. Look at them. them? Powerful. That's a powerful group. Those are drug addicts and alcoholics. All of them. They're drug addict and alcoholic. This is Maggie. See how they are, how nice and pleasant they are? Isn't this nice? I mean, isn't it amazing? Look at him. Look at Norman smiling over there. He's actually asleep. He'd be able to do that. Right? Should be dead. They're They're not. Saturday, raining outside. You stay home on a Saturday when it's raining outside, right? Look at them all here. Who are they coming to see? A total stranger, a Babylonian from Los Angeles. We all know those people are crazy. California people. And there they are, look at them. Being supportive of me, smiling at me. I love them. Aren't they nice? Thanks. Thank you. I get you I get Tony and Tom I get Steve I get all these guys right I get Norman over here I get these guys the guys that I had lunch with I had a bunch of guys we had this great time right everybody eating everybody together talking about being alive and sober and free that's what we're doing if you're new if some of you are here I met somebody with 51 days during one of the little breaks, right? Congratulations. Yeah, there you are. Congratulations, you know? Turn around and walk back in the teeth of your disease. Be involved in something like this above and beyond going to meetings, you now? It's not required of you, but there's a buzz to be had here. The people in this room are the ones that are getting it. There was a woman who came to me. It was great too, and you give so freely to me the last break I'm walking up and I'm talking to Jackie and Jackie goes, you know, the way I do it is I think that when I pray, I'm talking to God. And when I meditate, I'm listening to God." And I thought, I love that. I've got to pass that on to them. That basically is how I got all the information I've passed on to you today. It's from others who walked this path with us. Everything I've gotten. I didn't come here with any of this. I got it here. So it's available to all of us. We just pass it around and share it. It's our truth. It's our experience. It's your journey. So participate as best as you can. Be a part of this. Laugh with us the healing. Have a good time. Revel in it. Don't take yourself too seriously, but take this very seriously. Right? It's got to be fun, man. Make it fun. There's only one thing in this book that they say they insist on. We absolutely insist upon enjoying life. That's the only thing in here that they insist on. And I suggest that that's precisely what we should do. So when you find yourself unavoidably in a line, you get to be in the line. When you find myself unavoidable in traffic, good, you get the stop for just a little bit. Right? More music. More quiet. The option is available to you. When you got here, weren't you the kind of person that when you were in the apartment, the TV had to be on at all times? When you're in the car, the radio has to be on at all times. God forbid you should be left with the sound of what's inside your head. You've got to be distracted at all time. How nice now to be able to drive down the road and just be quiet. I kept saying that the place that I'm trying to get to in my life is when they say, Earl, we're going to put you in this little box and we're gonna put you there for 24 hours. You can take everything you need to be happy, to have a great time. You can do anything you want with you into the box. Just give us the list and we'll give it to you. For me to have a blast in the box, all I need is some water. That's it. I don't need anything else. I've been trying to get the list as short as I can possibly get it so I can be happy, joyous, and free without the need of outside components. Me from the inside out. My mind. Get to be me in there. Comfortable. Having a good time. Digging it. Catching a buzz. What do I need? A little water would be nice for 24 hours. But that's all I needs. That's a cool thing. The list used to be extremely long. It's not anymore. That's freedom for a guy like me. I'm fine, and it's the result of being with you. I hope you got something out of this. I've really enjoyed being withyou, and I wish you peace. I'll see you soon.