Spirituality Versus Religion — The Fight That Kept a Seminary Dropout in the Rooms — Moses D.

Let's have an A.A. meeting. Hi everybody, my name is Franklin and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday night Blue Chips Speakers Meeting at the Napa Cliff, where members of Alcoholics Anonymous with a year or more of sobriety tell his or her story. This meeting is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual and our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope that no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholics... men and women in our room tonight... listen later on aagluchipspeakers.org. Definitely we'll hear our speaker and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that many of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. Now, I am so honored to bring up this guy. I've known him since probably 93, right as I was just getting sober, you know, that we met doing business. And we met again in these rooms, and I'm just going to show you how two degrees of separation actually works, you know. And he's someone that I can confide in and talk to, you know, and I consider him a real friend of mine. So, you know, one of the things I've learned about this program is the community of alcoholics anonymous. And I'm excited. To bring up my man and your man, Moses. Thank you, Franklin. That was kind of exciting. Today has been an interesting day for me. I went to a memorial for a friend of mine that I've known for like 40 years. And this friend was one of the few people that I ever said, I think you might be a little too wild for me to hang out with. He was a go-getter and he let it all hang out and he didn't leave anything on the table. But anyway, I felt kind of good, just being there and seeing the people that came to his memorial and shared their feelings about him and showed their support for his family. But anyway, I just thought that I would let you all know what was going on with me today. While I was there, I talked to them, you know, a little bit about my life. there, I was thinking about what I was going to say tonight, what part of the story that I left out the last time. It's not easy to remember all those things once you get up here and start speaking. But anyway, my name is Moses, and I'm an alcoholic. I was reading Bill's story, and I was at that part where his friend came to him with the religious and religion idea and the spirituality idea, and how he was kind of reluctant to follow those suggestions. But he said one thing in there after he got a little and a clear understanding of it was how God would do for us. What we could not do for ourselves. So this will be a common thread throughout my story tonight. I grew up in a small town in South Alabama, 40 miles south of Selma, about 70 miles south of Montgomery, about 100 miles from Mobile, near Monroeville where Hopper Lee wrote To Kill a Mockingbird. So that's our big story. I was born in Washington, D.C. I was born on the Upper Seltzer Coast. I grew up in a small town. I grew up in a town that was no longer in a little town. It was a small town that had a very small town. I grew up in a small town called Shelby, a small town in the area. That's where we grew up. And I grew up in a very small town. And I grew up in a town called Shelby, a small town in the area. And that was a big part of all of our activities. My mother was a piano player. My father was a deacon. And I had 10 brothers and sisters and most of us was in the choir doing something. But there was another side of Beatrice where they hung out and they did, you know, fun stuff. And there was a whole lot of drinking going on. And kind of like Jerry Lee Lewis, a whole lot of shaking and drinking was going on. So I was fascinated with both. You know, I liked, I didn't discriminate. I liked people like you all. So there was a lot of people like you all there that I hung out with. And there was a few people that I could name. This guy named David Crocker. David would put it on and you could see him staggling up the road and staggling across the road. I had an uncle who was running off the road, hitting trees and doing all kinds of things. So. I wasn't familiar with the destruction of alcohol and what it could do. But I had to experiment for myself what this thing was about. But anyway, I was the ninth of ten kids and I was the seventh son. And somehow they made me like this perfect guy. You know. Everybody liked me. I was the teacher's pet. I was popular with the students. I was the president of my class. Boy scout. Just involved with everything. And I had another cousin. His name was Larry. And Larry lived with his grandmother who was my aunt. And Larry had a little more freedom than I did. See my parents wasn't going for me hanging out at nine and ten. But Larry was hanging out with his aunt. And they were bootleggers. And Larry would come back every Monday and give me a report on who shot who Saturday night and who did who on Friday night. So. I became interested in all these stories. But anyway. As things started to emerge and I started to grow up. There was a group of us used to go to this little place in McWilliams where they sold beer. I guess by then I must have been like sixteen. And sometime after school we would go to the beer joint. And it was like five of us would go and we would buy a six pint. So we might drink three-fourths of a can. You know about five of us or a little more than a can. A can and a sip or something. Whatever was left and whoever had the last shot. That's who generally killed me. So we started this. And that was beginning kind of my whole experiences with alcohol. And we lived in a neighborhood where our neighbor name was Bay May. And Bay May had this house where they made homebrew. But I never liked homebrew. It just didn't taste right to me. So. We would go to this little club in town called the Silver Moon. And on a Friday night. You could see all these guys. You knew everybody in this town. Everybody knew everybody. And we would sit around. And all the kids would be there. And that's where they played music. They had a rockola back then. So you put your nickel in and they played songs. But all these men that drank would come into the Silver Moon. And they would order potato salad, fried chicken, chitlins. All this southern food. Soul food and everything else. And I thought that was the coolest thing, man. They would sit there half drunk. I don't know why I thought this was cool. But they'd be sitting there half drunk with potato salad running down their shoulders. It just seemed like they just tasted so good. You know. I was like, man, I need a beer in order for these potato salad and this other fried chicken to taste good. So. All those influences. You know. Started to manifest themselves around Beatrice. So. But I would leave every summer and go to Cleveland to sell candy. And we would sell candy in these rich suburbs. We'd sell chocolate and mint. And we were making almost $65, $70 a day in 1972 as a kid. You know. It was a lot of money. You know. But then after we got off, we would go to the beer store, the wine store, wherever we could get or whoever would sell it to us. And some of us looked older than 16. They would even sell it to me. I had a beard. And I could buy wine. And we started going to the park in Cleveland and hanging out on the lake. And you can't go to the lake and hang out in Cleveland. You can't hang out in Cleveland without, you know, having your drink with you. So we started drinking. And drinking became, you know, a normal thing. It's what you're supposed to have. A little booze if you're going to party. So we started doing these routines. And by then, we were there for three months. And then we would go back to Alabama. And when I got back home, then I played sports, of course. Basketball. I was the captain of the basketball team. Played football. And nobody thought that I would dare do anything like drinking. So drinking became like something we did every day after practice. I mean, it was like five of us and all of us had cars. So it would be like, well, who's going to get the booze today? And so we would. Everybody had gas money. So we would hitch a ride with whoever had the most gas. And then we would go to the beer store and get beer. And then it graduated a little bit to like, I think, Southern Comfort. What the hell is Southern Comfort? You know, that kind of booze. That was like. So, but that tastes a little better and gave you a better kick. So you didn't have to drink as much. As much with a little liquor. So I made it through high school without any real issues. Booze didn't become like. I didn't like the feel of being drunk. I just never liked it. You know, I always liked being in control. But I can reflect now and see how some of my shortcomings was manifesting themselves. And taking root back then. Because I didn't like control. I didn't like authority. I didn't like anybody telling me what to do. I mean, I followed the rules and I followed instruction. But I just didn't like authority. So I knew then that I had some resentments toward authority. So I think that you will see it manifest itself and show itself later on in the future. Later on in this journey. But after I graduated from high school. I went to Chicago. And I worked in Chicago for the summer. I had been accepted to Tuskegee University in Alabama. So I had to work. And I lived with my cousin. And they all liked to party. So they started talking about the little white powder. Little things like that. You know, that sort of make you feel different. So this drugging thing sort of like came into it. And I didn't really realize what it was doing. And how sneaky. Addiction and drugs can be. So I thought I could master anything. So I was like, well that, who can't handle that? Who can't handle that drugs? You know, who's that weak? So we started buying. I can remember like yesterday. A quarter. $25 worth of cocaine. I know this is an AA meeting. I'm going to show you how it leads to straight drunkenness. And advanced alcoholism. So we started going to get this little package of cocaine. And five people a quarter, which wasn't very much. That didn't seem to be a lot. But I didn't realize it was the crave that you got. From just that little bit. That would cause some major problems. So I managed to make it through that summer without any real problems again. And I went to Tuskegee for that first semester. And while I was there, I met a lot of different people from all over the country. People from everywhere. And that was a real cool school. And they had football games. And everybody got loaded and packed up for the football games. So in my dormitory, I never will forget, there was a whole group of us. About 30 of us. We did everything together. We went to eat together. We went to chapel together. And we drank together. So for the football game, everybody would go to the nearest liquor store. And get loaded up. And get ready for the football game. Because a lot of the pregame was where the action was. Back then they called it tailgating. We just called it partying back then. And we would start this party like at 10 o'clock in the morning. And that party would go on until a wee hour in the night. So some of them was military guys. So they could go to the base and get this discounted booth. So you could pitch in your $50 or whatever and get a whole lot of liquor. So those were some really not advanced drinking times. But they were all part of the process. Well, during this time, I was always kind of curious about what liquor did. And how you could use liquor to influence girls. So we would make this daiquiri. And we learned and started putting sugar in the daiquiri. And it made you get drunk fast. So we started using pure sugar to load up these pitchers of daiquiris. To get the girls drunk. But I wasn't thinking not to drink myself. So after three or four drinks of sugared up daiquiri, you can get pretty loaded. So I remember like yesterday, one night we had this big party. Everybody was there. And I'm making the daiquiri. And I had the party going. And I got drunk. I woke up that morning about 2 o'clock. Everybody was gone. And I was the only one that slept through the party. So I didn't like that. I always battled with being out of control. I just never liked being out of control. And I guess God was trying to show me then that maybe that's something you shouldn't be doing. But I had to. I had to take this journey. I had to complete it. So after I, you know, I had a friend that started playing pro basketball here in Atlanta. And drugs were plentiful. Drugs and girls. Cars. Fast. Life. So I would come up to Atlanta for some of those parties. And that's where I got my first real introduction to what big time drugs, the availability of drugs was like. I mean, for days they never ran out. So I started to see that I was getting, you know, a little involved with these drugs. And it was, it was costing me a little money. So as a student, you know, I couldn't afford this. I couldn't afford this habit. So now I got to choose between cocaine and liquor. So of course, liquor was more like my budget. So I spent money now on liquor. What cocaine did was increase my appetite. For liquor. Because after you got up so high, you wanted to come down. You had to manage somewhere in between. It was a difficult task. So I remember like yesterday, buying a fifth of Grand Marnier off some cocaine. And drank the whole damn thing. So this progressed. And now I'm drinking. So after I left Tuskegee and went. Now I always had a professor that liked to drink. And I don't know how we would develop these relationships. So while there I had this one professor who had money. And my house was always the house that got people to drink at. So he would come by. I don't know, he and his wife wasn't getting along. He was living kind of a miserable life at home. So he wanted me to cook fish for him. He'd bring the fish and the beer. So now just the same guy would expect me to be back in his class the next day at 9 o'clock. But we'd be sitting there until 2 o'clock sometime in the morning. Drinking this Budweiser. And that went on the whole while I was there for about two years. But after I left Tuskegee. I went to Fort Wayne, Indiana. And Fort Wayne is a nice town. I was at a Lutheran seminary. Concordia Theologica Seminary. And while there I met another professor. He was from Russia. His name was Kurt Markos. And he would always say. I'm coming by tonight with that vodka. And we had to bring some sausage. So he always used vodka and sausage. So I'm like sitting there. Drinking straight vodka. And eating sausage. So. Man. After a while, you know, Markos was from Russia. And he was used to drinking this vodka straight like that. But you know, I wasn't used to drinking straight vodka. And you got drunk pretty quick drinking straight vodka. And eating sausage. You know. And then this guy was so learned. He had written like 32 books. So he was philosophized and intellectualized. And he would have this quart of vodka. I was like. Aren't you married? Don't you ever go home, man? But he would be back. The next night. With that same quart of vodka. And sausage. So now, you know, I've built up pretty good tolerance for alcohol. And I made it through the seminary, boy. But every weekend I went to Chicago. So we were studying scripture on Monday through Friday. And partying through Chicago on the weekend. So it was quite a contrast. So anyway. I made it out of Concordia without any major incidents. And kept my reputation intact. And everybody still thought I was a swell guy. And doing well. So I decided I was coming to Atlanta, Georgia. And never will forget. Coming back to Atlanta. Now I remind you. I had a history in Atlanta earlier. With this drug thing. Now my friend by now was a major star. And he had a pretty big contract. So money wasn't no issue. It was boozing and drugging. So that whole summer when I first got back. My mother kept saying. You need to get a job. I was like. I'm really looking. I'm looking hard. But I got a job. I'm looking. So just send me another check. I'm going to have one next month. So this was one. See once again. God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. Because man. Boys and girls. Some of those nights. Of partying. Drinking and partying. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. Drinking and partying. I don't know how I drove from where I was going. . I don't know how this girl got there. I don't know what happened to my jewelry. Just. Some pretty bad times. And there are no time. I started. Working with a guy. . had been tremendous successful in the music business. So now I'm really in the rock and roll. I'm hanging out, promoting music, going to clubs, hanging out with drug addicts, alcoholics, anything you want to name. I'm looking, I'm a talent guy. So I've got to be out in the clubs all night. So that became my life. Clubbing, finding artists, working with producers, fighting with girlfriends. Oh, I left out a lot of that stuff. Sometimes, somehow alcohol and girlfriends, too many girlfriends can be a problem. So it's every time I ever got into any kind of trouble it was alcohol somewhere in the pictures. I can remember one of my guys, the older guy. He was a promoter and he was always saying, man you're a nice guy, boy, but when you drink you can be like... You know, you can be so and so. I was like, I don't really... That's one thing about this disease that, you know, I was always conscious of these things that I was doing because of that training I had from my upbringing you know I knew right from wrong and alcohol is a powerful tool it don't discriminate it don't care what color you are how much money you got who your daddy who your mommy is it is king and and I kept trying to tame this year so I spent the next ten years rocking and rolling from Atlanta to New York to Chicago to LA for all the major concerts all in the USA. of stars around big money. It was always a party. It was always easy to get drugs. But my personal life with these girls is becoming a problem. You know, that's one part of my drinking experience I wish I could do over, but I can't. I tried to make amends to some of those girls, but it's hard to do. But alcohol took a lot away from me. And I have learned a lot of things about this disease, and I know how important it is for the newcomer to hear these things, and some of us that's been around a while to hear these things, because sometimes we forget. How powerful this disease really is. But my sobriety date is November 10, 1992. See, I like to talk about my life after alcohol more than I do about alcohol, because all of us got a story, and they're all similar. I went to a party at Eastlake Golf Club. I remember just like yesterday. I walked in that Christmas party, you know, all excited. Had to be shot, you know. And, you know, in the groove and, you know, I'm here, y'all. Where it at? You know? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. And, that bartender, I was like, that quarter-quirm bone gold got my name on it. Let it flow. So she was pouring him up, set him up, Joe. Pour him up. So he was pouring up that querm bone gold. And before the night was over, there was a young lady there, and as I told her, I said, Oh, where's the boy? Is he at home? And, she said,その. Then, told you earlier, alcohol sometimes can make you do some crazy things and make you behave in some crazy ways. But nevertheless, I end up in a dispute. I don't know how I end up in a dispute. I was like, I got the girl. She's going home with me. What am I arguing about? That's when I look back upon this and it's spandipodic disease. You know, I remember some times earlier, I was in Birmingham, Alabama. There was this one girl that I wanted my whole college career. And after I graduated, I was in Birmingham, Alabama at a convention. And this girl came to the convention and she took me out. And we was out partying, got into a dispute. I don't know how that all went. But sometimes, I look back on it now and think about, it's a controlled thing. You know, that was one of my advice. I had to be in control. And you don't tell me no, which is not good with females. You know, you can get yourself in a little trouble. So that night, at the party, the square bowl, go back to the last night of my real alcohol career. I got into a dispute with this young lady. And anyway, it ended up involving the law. So my attorney said to me, well, you know, do you think you have a problem with alcohol? What, are you trying to insult me or something, man? What do you mean a problem with alcohol? I don't know if you have a problem with alcohol, but I can tell you this. It might look good if you went to a few AA meetings to the judge. I took him up on that offer. And I went to 265 Boulevard. And there they had a seven-day detox. And I went to 265 Boulevard. And there they had a seven-day detox. And I went to 265 Boulevard. And there they had a seven-day detox. And during those seven days, I began to hear things. And I really didn't go there because I wanted to get sober. I was always curious about information. So I thought that I might be able to help some of my drunk buddies if I found out more about alcohol. I could help, you know, some of my family members who had alcohol problems. So I was, I was, I was, I put on my scientist hat. And I was in this little one hour discussion everyday and then they started talking about the effect, I'll go home, and what alcohol does to you. And, I became real interested because that was something that I could understand. Then it began to make me think about some of my behavior. And I began to hear people cooking. I thought I was pretty sick. But I gained very little what alcohol did and what happened when I drank it. I never liked myself once again under the influence of alcohol. I never liked being out of control. I just didn't like it. You know, I didn't like who I was. So now for the first time I heard some information that I thought could help me. So I said, these guys might have something here I better come back tomorrow. So I came back the next day and they were saying things like going down, being on the Titanic, and going down, changing champagne to wine, saying they were still on the same boat. You're on the Titanic it's still going down. I was like, that didn't make a lot of sense. You know, so after these seven days i got another opportunity to say well you think you think you might want to come to the 28-day transmission so i said well how much does it cost and said well it's free so i i took them up on the offer now i hadn't been to court so it didn't really matter you know i figured the more i got into this thing the stronger it would look before the court so that 28-day transition did more for me in one week than some of the courses i had taken my whole career it began to make me see me you know and that's a long time i couldn't see myself number one i didn't think anything was wrong with me but i had a chance to really get honest with me and you could not fake this you had to get totally honest in this class and i learned more about me in that 28 days and once again than i did probably most of my life there were some things that it pointed out about the effects of alcohol by what it does to your brain and how it causes you to lose control and become inebriated and unconscious how it impacts your body physically how it influence your thinking and how sometimes you know it's you know i've lied i lied so many times to god about let me just tell you me and god will always have these conversations after i get about five sheets in the wind and i'd be like god i know i told you last week it's me again i really don't want to ask you but i i know i know you can do it i don't want to ask you but i know uh i know you can do it So, if you get me out of this one, I won't do it no more. That's after I threw away five pipes. Went back that night looking for the still. Tearing up the carpet. Out at four in the morning. Mouth twisted. You know, you had a crazy, stupid look. Can't go to sleep. Drinking again. After all, it was my last hope. Quaaludes didn't work. They took me out. I didn't like them. So, that's how I got robbed a couple times on Quaaludes. But it got so, you know, during that era. See, one thing I like about telling your story, you know, you can always go back and tell you some of the stuff. Because every time I've done it. You know. Every time I like to take the approach to keep it upbeat. Keep it positive. But a lot of times I just like to be able to get duck naked honest and down here with you. Because I'm comfortable in this room. I'm comfortable around guys that have been where I've been. And don't hold no resentment. Try to put yourself in any position above, you know, anybody else. But there are a lot of things that I found comfortable in these rooms. The first thing I found comfortable is when they said, there are no leaves. Maybe I can stick around. There are but trusted servants. I said, don't try to tell me shit. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. You know what I mean. I'm going to do it my way. But there was. I say this all the time. Because this was the most impactful thing that I heard when I first got here. There was a gentleman sharing about, and I say it a lot even when I'm sharing about, his wife had died. And if his wife died and he was on the way to a meeting, he would step over his wife and go to that meeting. And I was like, that's a heartless SOB. But after I was around here for a few days, I started to understand. I started to understand why or how he got to that point. Because it's just that sobriety is just that serious. Having his life back was just that serious. See, it's so many good things that happened in this program for me. But I'm going to continue with this little story I was telling you about the 28 day transition. Because it was important to me. That's where I had a chance to analyze, study, research, and figure out, you know, what alcohol did to you. How it affected you mentally. How it could be tracing your family and go back and inherit it. You know, all these things and all the years. What group of people. How it affected black Americans. How it affected Europeans. How it affected all different people. Depends on, you know, who you are. But that 28 day program was exciting. It was exciting. They used to bring in speakers. And you had to go to a meeting afterwards. And they would make you sign this sheet to say that you've been to a meeting. And you could only sign it after you had been, after the end of the meeting. And at 265, both of us had some rough fellas down there. My God, these guys were... And then, if you... You were scared to say anything in that meeting. Because you'd be like, dude, you ain't supposed to rebuttal my... Sharing my experience. They would tell you about your experience down there, you know. You really don't know what you're talking about. It's only my story. But anyway. That's how rough it was. And they beat up on those newcomers. They didn't give you a break. Because they had to be there. Because it was a revolving door of people. At that Fulton County Drug Treatment Center. But... But that was my first raw experience with... Raw sobriety. I learned a lot from those guys. You know, a lot of saying, a lot of stuff that we have on the walls here. I started to adopt a lot of those things. And incorporate them in my daily living. But after that 28-day transition. They had another program. And I think it was a 3-month rehab program that you could do. But you had to get accepted. And once again, God is doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. So when this instructor told us about this program. I asked her if I could be in it. And she told me that the program was full. That I couldn't be in it. And that was a very... I never will forget this lady. Sandy Page. She went to her and lobbied and fought for me to get in that 3-month program. I think that probably was the best thing that happened for me at that time. Was to go through that. 90 days recovery program. And that's where I met a lot of old timers. She would have once a week somebody to come by and share their stories. And I found people through that program that were similar to me. And had some of the same experiences. And I began to appreciate that program. That program. And I made a commitment to myself. And I was scared to make it to God. Because I had lied to Him so many times before. So I said, I better hold up on that. And finally, I got to Napa. And I came here in, I think it was July of 1993. And it was a beginner's meeting. A 2 o'clock meeting that I came to. And I got excited about this program. I started coming here. And I realized that God once again was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. So I found joy. I found peace. I found comfort in my own skin. I could unload that guilt. And that shame. I knew that, you know, I had let myself down. And I had a lot of people pulling for me. And a lot of people praying for me. And to get to the point where I didn't have to fight that battle no more. That was one of the best reliefs that I could have ever found. You understand what I mean? That I found healing. And it's kind of like those old preachers who used to run those revivals. And they would say, I can't keep it to myself. I've got to tell it to somebody else. So I started working with newcomers. I started going to the carpenter house. And we did the first four steps. And guys there started picking me as a sponsor. And some of them wanted you to listen to their stories. Because everybody had to go through those four steps. So you had to do a fifth step. So most of those guys wanted you to listen to their fifth step. And it helped me get this program. And it helped me understand the importance of working this program and giving it away. So I got deep into this program. I started going to that 545 over there in the private room. And there were quite a few old timers around here when I came. Guys like Stan. I always used Stan. He had a name for God. He called him Sky Chief. And he would always say, well Sky Chief, you go first. And he would tell some of the newcomers, if you don't have a God, I'll loan you mine. You can just name anything your God. You can name that donut your God if you're going to be loyal to it. But these guys, I remember Fred, Bill. There were so many of these people around. Joe Lewis. I always used Joe Lewis because he would sit over here. And Joe Lewis acted like he had an attitude. And he would say, he would say, he would say, and he would say, my name is Joe Lewis. I've been here 5,235 days. And I don't say that for you. I say that for me. I'm terrified. Ha, ha, ha. And he did this. And the longer I stayed here, the more respect I had for Joe. Because he was talking about the miracle that he had received. And how we have been spared and given a second chance. You know, all the dangers towards us there. I mean, all those bad places I went. All those crazy night drives. And all that stuff. You know, I look back on it now. And I have to thank God for his mercy. And it was truly the grace of God that brought me here. And I don't know how much time I got. Tim, you ready to go? All right. But, uh. I hope that I might have said something tonight that you could use. I'm just a testament. I'm just a vessel. I hope that you value and appreciate this room the way I do. I think it's one of the greatest gifts. One of the greatest gifts that ever been given to mankind. And the thing that this program has done for millions of people. And it started real something. And I keep going back to Bill Wilson. Because intellectually, I could identify with him. You know. And how he thought about the traditional image of God. And how he had to get comfortable with. And how they wrote that first God of my understanding. How they acknowledged one person's problem with accepting traditional religion. And how they added that phrase. And this was one of the things that this one. I don't remember his name. But I do know he fought to get that God of my understanding. Put in that step. And that was vital for a lot of us. Because a lot of us. At least for me. You know. Even when I was in the traditional church. I always questioned some of the things. Even when I was in the seminary. I questioned some of the things. I won't get off into it. Because whatever you believe. I hope it's between you and the God of your understanding. But these things. That were laid down for us. These principles. And these programs that were laid down for us. I try to use it. To live my life by it. I try to become a better human being. The steps make me stay in check. Because to me. It's a self conscious type. Self check. Thing. When you think you done got away. And you think that. You got to atone for that. You got to go that tenth step. When you done offended somebody. Or when you. We offend people all the time. We don't even know we offended them. And if we live according to those steps. That's a lot of those things. We be making them in all day long. But we get to the point where we. We try to do the right thing. I try to do the right thing. I try to make amends when necessary. And it has helped me. And it's become easier now for me to walk. Just walk and talk. Instead of talking and talk. I can walk the walk. Without any guilt. The shame. All those things. That used to plague me. I can say. I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I really can. And you know. I had to clean up. As Ken Sturridge would say. I got to clean up what I messed up. And I truly had done a good job. Of messing up. But God never gave up on me. And today. I can thank you all. And I truly am happy that you're here. And keep coming back. And I know we are no political organizations. But I swear I seen that guy on TV somewhere. Okay. Okay. Thank you Moses. Love you man. That's a beautiful thing man.