Spiritual Awakening I Called Bullsh*t Until the Peace Just Took Over – Jennifer F.

About This Speaker Tape

Jennifer shares from the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at the Nava Club at three and a half years to the day. She traces a childhood of self-seeking, manipulation, and people-pleasing that turned into sneaking out at 14, vodka in an orange juice bottle before high school, and a Xanax prescription at 15 that ran for six years off a single flight her doctor never reassessed. A car accident at 18 that was her fault opened the door to pain pills, then heroin, while her father's own alcoholism progressed from functioning to unmanageable.

The wreckage stacks up fast: stealing pain medication from her aunt after surgery, dropping out of nursing school six months in to keep using, an abortion at 20 she still grieves, an abusive partner who beat her bloody when she suggested ending a second pregnancy, and a son born into a life of motels, stolen electric meters, and trap houses. She does 13 months in prison on seven felonies, comes out cocky, and two weeks later her father is diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and dies in two months. She relapses the day before he dies and spends three years bringing her son to dope houses until the morning she wakes up unable to remember where she left him and reaches for a bag before reaching for him.

Her mother Baker Acts her, then refuses to take her back. Her sister gets her into a program in Georgia within an hour. Sitting with a sponsor on Step 2, insisting her Higher Power had never been there for her, the sponsor asks whether she really thinks she got out of those rooms alive on her own. That question lands. Jennifer describes a real spiritual awakening, throws herself into service, and rebuilds a relationship with her mother and son — who is now being raised by her sister and thriving. The tape ends with her saying that if she does not pray in the morning now, she feels it.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Lisa opens the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at the Nava Club and reads the page 29 preamble
• 2:30 Jennifer takes the podium at three and a half years to the day, says she had alcoholic tendencies from birth
• 8:00 Vodka in an orange juice bottle before high school; doctor renews her one-flight Xanax prescription for six years
• 14:00 Car accident at 18 introduces pain pills and then heroin; stealing her aunt's surgery medication
• 22:00 Raped at 19 by someone she trusted who used her addiction against her; abortion at 20 and the grief that followed
• 30:00 Court-ordered to AA, attends three meetings high, has her mother forge the signatures on the slip
• 36:00 Beaten for suggesting an abortion of her second pregnancy; son born, she uses heroin in the hospital that night
• 44:00 Thirteen months in prison; father diagnosed with stage four lung cancer two weeks after release and dies in two months
• 52:00 Wakes up not knowing where she left her son and reaches for the bag before going to look for him
• 60:00 Sponsor confronts her on Step 2: 'Do you think you got out of those situations by yourself?' — Jennifer's spiritual awakening and chip count to close the meeting