So Busy in the Solution That When the Problem Left I Didn’t Notice It Go – Pat Y.

About This Speaker Tape

Pat Y. shares her story at the Cornhusker Roundup in Omaha, Nebraska, with nearly 14 years of sobriety. She describes her first drink at 13 at a party in Newport Beach, where alcohol instantly relieved her paralyzing shyness and self-obsession. Within months she went from straight-A student and church youth group member to failing grades and a growing reputation she couldn't escape. She married at 18 to a man she barely knew, divorced after six months by slipping out the back door when her brother's death gave her an excuse, and launched into years of daily drinking in Los Angeles truck driver bars, go-go dancing in Chinatown, and a fixation on a mariachi band 70 miles away that she visited four nights a week.

Her drinking progressed until alcohol stopped working. She retreated to a rocking chair in a purple flannel bathrobe, drinking scotch alone every night, promising herself she would quit when the open bottle was empty but always needing to order another. She called AA one Friday night, went to her first meeting in a church basement in Santa Monica, drank again within a week, and was told she might need a sponsor. That sponsor laid down non-negotiable directions: meetings every night, work the steps whether you feel like it or not.

The heart of her talk is about amends and acting her way into right feeling. Her second sponsor told her to stop whining about her miserable marriage and simply act like a kind and loving wife, one day at a time. She did it mechanically at first, timing ten-minute conversations by her watch, but discovered that being in the solution made the problem quietly disappear. Her husband was later diagnosed with cancer and died, and their final year together was the best of their eleven-year marriage. She later married Vince, a friend from her home group, and experienced love she never believed she was capable of.

Pat also describes her long journey of making amends to her stepfather, who had abused her as a child. Told to treat him like a kind and loving daughter, she forced herself through small acts of courtesy, eventually needlepointing a gift about fathers and daughters. Years later, visiting him in the hospital, she told him she loved him and realized with shock that she meant it. She credits the steps with transforming her most impossible relationships and urges newcomers to stay, get a sponsor, and trust that the answers to all of life's problems are in the Big Book.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction at Cornhusker Roundup; describes herself as extremely shy and self-obsessed
• 3:00 First drink at 13 at a party in Newport Beach; immediate relief from shyness, blackout, woke up with a stranger
• 8:00 Beverly Hills fundraiser story: called ahead about buying extra champagne, hid behind a potted palm all night
• 13:00 First marriage at 18 to a man she barely knew from the Rendezvous Ballroom; divorce after six months
• 18:00 Brother's death in Japan and the joke card she sent that arrived before he died; kept the secret for 20 years until her inventory
• 25:00 Truck driver bars in LA, go-go dancing in Chinatown, the mariachi band phase in San Juan Capistrano
• 35:00 Calling AA on a Friday night, first meeting in a Santa Monica church basement, relapsing within a week, getting a sponsor
• 45:00 Fourth and fifth step story: planned to skip her secrets but sponsor's prayer forced total honesty
• 52:00 Second sponsor's direction to act like a kind and loving wife; timed ten-minute conversations, discovered the problem disappeared while she was in the solution
• 60:00 Amends to stepfather who abused her: needlepoint gift, years of forced courtesy, moment in hospital parking lot when she realized she loved him