You’re in Great Shape to Become Selfless Because You’ve Never Used Your Head 🤦 — Cliff and Angel

Got Angel here, and we're going to do pretty much what we did at the very beginning. So, start off this way. Hi, Angel. My heart said maybe you were wanting to talk with me a little bit. What's going on, kid? Well, Cliff, let me tell you, I've been in a 12-step program for about nine years now, and I've been sober five and a half years, and I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I have to drink, and I don't want to drink, and I'm going to die, and I'm scared, and I don't know what else to do. Well, you're really pretty desperate. Are you willing to do anything and not have to drink again? Yes, sir. Let me ask you a question. Step one says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, hyphen, that our lives had become unmanageable. Two separate thoughts. Tell me. What step one means to you, Angel? Step one means when I start drinking, I turn into a mess. I can't. I just get wasted, and I puke, and I act like an idiot, and I black out, and my life is unmanageable because I can't. I don't have good relationships, and I... I can't make any money, and I'm not in school, and I just hate myself, and everything is falling apart. Sounds like you've been going to a bunch of discussion meetings. Let me ask you a question. When you start drinking, do you ever get a nut? What do you mean? Well, I expect you're kind of like a coffee drinker. When you start drinking coffee, do you ever get a nut? Sure. Yeah. When you start drinking anything with alcohol in it, do you ever get a nut? No, I don't. You always drink too much? Oh, yes. You get drunk every single time you start drinking? Well, I think, you know, one time I was able... I just went to the bar and had a couple drinks once. How long ago was it? Maybe, like, three or four years ago. Oh, okay. So, you've been drinking for like 15 years ago? Hasn't been anything you can do lately? No. So, every time you drink, you drink more than you plan to and you get drunk, huh? Yes, sir. Do you wind up in trouble? Yes, I do. Have you ever made up your mind that you would never, ever drink again and really, really meant it? Yes, I have. More than a couple of times? Yes. I've been doing... Trying to not do this since I was 16. Well, I think probably that you are a victim of what so many of us have been and that is a great deal of misinformation about what this thing's about. See, in simplest terms, you are powerless over alcohol because your body has a sensitivity or an allergy to alcohol and once you start drinking, you crave the next drink. I've been doing that since I was 16. I'm not going to say I'm not going to do that. You crave the next drink. Every drink you have is a good drink, but it's just not good enough. You've just got to have one more. And that's if you're physically powerless over alcohol. You don't have the willpower to cut it off after two or three drinks like anybody should. But you had some trouble with it and the result is then you made up your mind, I ain't ever going to drink again. And you meant it. If you could manage that decision and not take a drink, what the hell would you bother me for? Well, but I mean, what about all the other stuff? Like all the, my life is unmanageable because I can't pay my bills and my car is dirty and all my clothes are all over my house. Like, I understand what you're saying about the drinking part, but I don't understand the life is unmanageable part. Well, that's one of the problems we have in our fellowship because people do not understand that unmanageability is a product of an alcoholic mind. You don't have the willpower to resist that first drink. You said you made up your mind you'd never drink again, but you did, time after time. All the other crap has nothing to do with alcoholism. We're only here because we can't drink without being drunk and we cannot manage a decision to resist a first drink. We say drinking's a problem. No, not drinking is a problem. No, not drinking is a problem. I mean, I can't drink. Of course we can drink. And we can drink better than almost anybody. And stopping's not a problem because we've stopped hundreds of times, right? Yes, sir. The problem is we can't say stop. Even though we're very determined, we can never, ever take another drink, we can't manage that decision. And that is the simplicity of step one. If you can reach down in your heart and recognize that this is the only way to get out of this situation, and that's the only way to get out of this situation. Then you can stop drinking. It's easy to stop drinking. It's easy to stop drinking. But if you don't stop drinking, you can't stop drinking. I mean, I'm telling you, when I was a student, when I was a student, I used to drink a little bit of alcohol. step one. If you can reach down in your heart and recognize that this is what drove you to Alcoholics Anonymous and you're really willing to follow directions, maybe we can get you where you're beginning to enjoy life a little bit. Do you really think you're willing? I think so. I think I understand that you're just saying about that I get drunk every time and that I can't stay stopped. Whenever I decide to quit, I can't quit. So I'm willing, I'm willing to go on. Well, very simply, if you could manage your decision and not take the first drink, why would we be talking? Why would you ever come to Alcoholics Anonymous? So I guess the next thing is, do you have any hopes this thing might work for you? Well, I feel like I've... I feel like I've tried it. I mean, I've been here for how long? And, um, but I'm, I feel like I have maybe a little bit of hope, but a lot of fear that it's not going to... Well, you heard Myers and I thought that gave you a little bit of hope. And now, hopefully our conversation may be a little bit of hope. I haven't told you that much about me, but I drank until I was damn near dead and, uh, 44 years ago. A guy fell to me and took me down to the club. And I met a lot of people that were happy as could be, and they weren't drinking, but they said they had a drinking problem. And I got a lot of hope. But anyway, Step 2 simply says, we came to believe that a power greater than ourself could restore us to sanity. What believe means in Step 2 is that you've got the hope. If you have the hope that this thing might work, you've got a reason to give serious consideration to click into the test. But Step 2 says we came to hope, because we've seen this working with others, that there is some kind of a power that can restore, could restore us to sanity. It doesn't say it would. But obviously it has for me and it has for Myers, so you've got a couple of people that said, yeah, it's working good. Now, let's debate the decision then. Step 1 says, are you willing to do what we do? Well, I feel like you guys are my last hope, and I know that it has worked in you. So I am willing to do what you tell me to do. One of the things I've got to try to help you understand, and it's a very difficult thing to understand, and that is once you make a decision to start putting this thing to work in your life, you're never going to be able to have what you want again. And I know you took a deep breath. I know you took a deep breath. I said, oh, no. But let's take a look at where you've been. Trying to do things the way you want to be done, trying to get your way, you told me you're miserable as hell. So, apparently that's not the way to live. Maybe there's a better way. And I think all step 3 is a decision to make up your mind that what you know about living is something you'd better totally forget about. That what I have been experiencing, it's a difficult decision to make. and experience at the end what you'll see with others around our part of the country. It works like a charm. So it's very simple that I've got to be completely willing to follow the directions in this book. And to do so, I'm going to make a decision, and I'm going to announce that decision in a prayer. Are you willing to do that? Well, I have a question. But what about I have to, you know, I mean, I have a family. I have a job. I mean, what do you mean I'm not going to get my way? Like, I can still do that stuff, right? You've been driving for, let's say, five and a half years. Is everything great in your life today? No, sir. Well, it sounds like doing it your way and working with the day. Are you willing to take a risk and put this thing to the test? Because it's the way you're feeling it for what you see. Yeah. God, I'm very grateful that you're going to be able to start praying again. If you start praying again, what's your job? You're going to handle this other thing. Okay. You're right. Okay. Yes. Well, that's the case, and let's get on our knees and let's pray this prayer, okay? Here we go. Pray. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self so that I can better do your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of your power, your love, and your way of life. May I do your will always. You just gave up the keys to the office and he's taken over your relevance here. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to do these worksheets. These are what you're going to sit down and complete. And on this first one, on resentments, I want you to list everybody you're pissed off at, have been pissed off at, as far back as you can remember. And when you get them all listed, then I want you to go to the next column and make a note of why you're mad at them. You get all that listed, I want you to go to the next sheet, and it appears. Everything and everybody you're afraid of goes down in column one. When you get all that down, you go to column two and list why. When you get through that, I want you to take this third one and do it on your sex conduct. It's really your sex misconduct. And we're not talking about sin. This is not a religious thing at all. Where have you been really, really selfish in using your sex power to get what you want? So here they are. Get over there, sit down, and get them done as soon as you can. I want them done within a couple hours. Can I ask a question first? Okay, so I see you're talking about fear and sex, but what about, I don't understand, like the things I've done, like I've stolen things or shoplifted things, or where does that kind of stuff go? Well, it comes in the fear column normally, because if we've stolen things that have been in the stealing set, we're afraid we're going to get caught and may have to go to jail. So does that make sense? Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, and then you said go from top to the bottom, just not go across. Don't, like write every name in a list first, and then go back and do the other column second? And that's exactly the way I want you to do it. And if you'll notice, the directions are up in the upper left-hand corner of the worksheets. So if you have any questions about how to do it, just glance up there, because the answers are there. Now, anything else you need to know before you start? I don't think so. How long do you want this to take? I'd say a couple of hours. Get your ass over there and get busy. Got it done? It's a deal. What are we going to do? Do you remember what step comes next? Admit it to God, to ourselves, and to other human beings. Exact nature of our own. That's exactly what we're going to do. Now, you and I are here. We send back God to be present. Heavenly Father, Angela and I are here to go over her poor step. I pray that you open her mind to see the truth. And give her the willingness to go ahead and put this thing to the test. Use me as your instrument to guide her along in this process of recovery. We thank you so for your love, your grace, your mercy. Thank you. Thank you. All this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All through simplicity of this program. Amen. Who's the first person you're pissed off at, Angela? I am mad at my mom. What did she do to you? Well, she confronted me and abused me and lied to me and sold money for me. That'll be darned. I guess so. She did the thing I should've pointed out to you before we started this process is that, over on page 62, it says, Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our sin. Selfishness, self-centeredness, huh. That was written by the people that wrote this book, they had recovered. So they're simply sharing with us each strands of knowledge. And I think I see what the problem is. Your mama didn't treat you the way you wanted her to, did she? Well, a mother is supposed to love and take care of her children. Oh, I forgot to tell you. It says over on page 67, remember? Putting out of our minds wrongs others have done. We rightly look for our own mistakes. You're focusing on what she did wrong. What's your problem? Well, maybe my problem is that I didn't accept it and I don't trust in her. You said boundaries were your mother's. Is there any selfishness at all inside of you? Well, no, well, I don't think so. I think I was just trying to just live my life. I see. Well, if she had done exactly what you wanted her to, would you have her on this list? No. She didn't? No. And so you're saying, I want something, but that's not selfish. But it's like a normal want. That has absolutely nothing to do with it. Putting out of our minds wrongs others have done. You didn't get what you wanted. And they said selfishness, self-centeredness, that's what makes us drink. Well, I don't think so. Well, I don't think so. You don't want to just drink. So if you don't want to drink, you're going to have to learn how selfish you are. I know you don't think you are. But let's go to the next one and see what... Okay, well, I'm really pissed off because when I came into the program and I asked for help, and these are the people that are supposed to take my life, I had some sponsors. We've asked and they've just helped me. And the first problem is you said you came into the program, but no, you came into the fellowship. And tragically, the fellowship and the program are no longer connected. The fellowship over the last 35 years has divorced itself from the program. The program is as solid and effective as it ever has been. 69 years of something we can do that is going to change our lives. But the fellowship denies this. The fellowship is a place where they can talk about their day, their problems. So let's understand something. You didn't get what you wanted. Is that right? You mean my life saved? You came in to recover from alcoholism. Yes. You were denied that, although you're not drinking. You're a miserable young lady, right? That's right. Because you're not getting what you want? Yes. If you got everything you want, would you and I be sitting here talking about this? No, I guess not. It's pretty simple, doesn't it? Look down here at the present list. Are there any here that you really need to take time to talk about? Or do you see that they're all there because you didn't get what you wanted? Or they did something you didn't want them to do? I guess I'm thinking that even in, like, even in the situations where I was sexually hurt by people as a child, that one maybe I'm a little confused about. Well, that is one that is far more common than most people would believe in alcoholics anonymous. In fact, it's been estimated at least 70% of our ladies have been victims of incest or the subject of a predator. It is a deep resentment. And some of these situations are so lopsided, it's almost impossible to see the selfishness that is there. But the fact is, a resentment is a resentment, and a resentment can make us drink. And so we're going to have to identify what these resentments are. Now, there's nothing you can do about the way you feel about that situation. Again, I've worked with a lot of ladies, and as I say, so many of them have been victimized as little girls. The thing that's happened is, as time has gone on, those who have really adopted our program and put it to work in their life have been able to live with that situation. And we'll get into that just a little bit later. But the thing I want you to recognize is that you are a perfectly normal human being who was abused as a child. You do have a deep resentment. But we have to accept the fact that that resentment, if it goes ahead and hangs around, could conceivably cause you to go back and start drinking again. So we'll go ahead and say we understand that one. But we also have to remember that as long as we've got a resentment, we're in danger. Are there any other here that you need to take a look at? And I don't want to rush you through this at all. But we don't need to play out the drama. We need to simply see that these people are here because of you. And I don't want to rush you through this at all. But we don't need to play out the drama. We need to see that these people are here because of you. And I don't want to rush you through this at all. But we don't need to play out the drama. We need to see that these people are here because of you. They didn't do what you wanted them to. They did something you didn't want them to and made you angry back then. And here we are years later and I suspect was used, like with me, with some of the people I want to make amends to are dead and buried. And I'm still trying to get even with them. You got any of those? Oh, my gosh. We'll worry about that later. Any more resignments we need to talk about? No, I think I'm getting that, like, it's not they didn't do what I wanted them to do or they did something I didn't want them to do, no matter what it was. Even if it looks like what they did was really bad, it's still about I didn't get what I wanted, which is called selfish. You're getting it. Take a look at your peers. What's this person? Well, I'm afraid that I'm never going to get this program. You're not going to get what you want? Oh, yeah, right. Well, that's not a bad fear. It's a pretty healthy fear. So with that sort of fear, maybe you'll be willing to follow directions. What do you think? Got another fear. Well, I'm afraid I'm not going to have enough money to live, you know, like pay my bills and live a better life than what I'm living. Oh, that's only you want? Yeah. But you can't have what you want if you're going to live so. Remember, you said I'm going to do what you want me to do. But what about my house and my car and, you know, are you supposed to go to school and do all that kind of stuff? Well, I'm afraid that's not. Well, it's a pretty healthy fear, but you're not going to get. If it's okay with him. Okay. I'm so afraid. We're not worried concerned about you not being afraid. That's if we all are a fear about one thing or another. How about IRS? Do you feel pretty good about them? Well, I do. But, oh, I'm very much afraid of the government afraid of that. How about the police department and the judicial system? Well, you know, not as much anymore, but yeah, a little bit. Well, I think you're saying maybe that the problem you have is you're anticipating your future's going to be like your past. You didn't get what you wanted, and they did things you didn't want them to do that really made you angry. And if that's the way your life's been, then what's the future look like? It's a reflection of the experiences you've had in your past. So since you are angry with the world, you're going to stay angry with the world as time comes on. But let's get into your sex things. I think we can get pretty well into understanding that selfishness is the reason we have these resentments and these fears. You know, all we're doing is looking for what on earth is going on in your head that maybe made you... Well... Now remember, we're not talking about sin. We're talking about where you have used your sex power to get what you want. So, um, we're not talking about, like, maybe if I had... if I was a person who was... We're not talking about that. No. Let's talk about a relationship. Have you ever been in a relationship and, uh, fooled around on the outside of it? Yes. Was that selfish? Yes. Was it dishonest? Yes. Was it self-seeking? Yeah. Did it scare you? You might get caught? Yeah. Were you inconsiderate? Yeah. Sound like you're a bad girl. Yeah, how about another one? Um, well, I'm embarrassed to say this, but sometimes I was just lonely or something, or I knew somebody back in the day that I would just go over there and have sex with him. Just, I didn't care about it, but I just didn't have sex with him, too. Um, kind of made myself feel better. Build your self-esteem a little bit? This is the way we do step-by-step. And the thing I want to do is make certain that they understand. Everybody on the other side of the spectrum is going to be a little bit more selfish. I don't want to be a little bit selfish. I don't want to be a little bit selfish. I don't want to be a little bit selfish. I don't want to be a little bit selfish. I don't want to be a little bit selfish. I don't want to be a little bit selfish. Everybody on that list is there because they didn't get their way, or they're not going to get their way, or they use their sex power selfishly. And so far we have not gotten in a book. So now, I'm going to open the book. And we're going to go to page 76. And I want them to read that first paragraph. So Angel's got her book. She's going to page 76. And what would I have done? That's a good question. It's a good question. It's a good question. this point has helped her see that her selfishness has been the reason that all these people are on this list. The people that she's hated, the people she's afraid of, the people she's used, they were abused because of her sex parents. So now I want her to see if she really is, I mean, she understands her selfishness. So now we're going to page on 76. Angel, read that, please. Okay, if we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at step six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can he now take them all, everyone? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. There's a question that she has to answer. Angel, do you have the complete willingness to follow the directions that are in this book? Are you willing to do what the folks that wrote this book? Now, I'm going to kind of lay this out in a practical scenario for you. If you have been very, very ill, maybe you have the flu or maybe some sort of a disease that has really, really put you down, you can't do anything about it. You're unable to manage it, get up and do anything, so you're whipped. Your power is over it. It's controlling your life. And you get an idea, if I could get to my doctor, maybe he could figure out what's wrong with me and do something about it. That holds us in step two. Step three, simply a decision to go see the doctor. I'm making a decision to go see the doctor doesn't get me there, so I've got to get off my ass and go after the doctor's law. Once I get in to see the doctor, he's going to ask me a couple of questions to see why I'm there. And based on that, he's going to decide what tests he's going to order up for me to take to see if he can find out what's wrong with me. Once he's got the results back, he's going to go down in heaven. Angel, remind me, we've got whipped off here. Where? Down in heaven. Oh, good God, yeah. Angel, remind me, we've got whipped off here. We've got whipped off here. Angel, remind me, we've got whipped off here. We've got whipped off here. Take her through the business of promises. Let me finish this thought and then we'll go back and build that one in. I apologize for that. But anyway, after the visit, he says, it appears to me that what you have is a very, very serious problem. In fact, for most people in general. Very, very few people have been able to survive it. But we have found a procedure that has worked perfectly. If somebody has a complete willingness to follow this procedure, they're not only going to not suffer the pain anymore, they're going to enjoy a quality of life they've never known before. But we can't cure this disease. All we can do is put it in remission. And as long as they're willing to follow this thing precisely the way we have it laid out, it will stay in remission. And that they won't have to be concerned about it, nor will they want to even worry about it. And they're going to enjoy it. If they, however, they change their mind and decide, well, I don't want to keep doing this, then they're very certain to die. So the question I have to you is, are you willing to do this or are you not? If? Yes, I am. So if you are, then let's go ahead and pray this prayer. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Do you have that willingness? You do? So pray the prayer. My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single danger to the character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I walk from here to do your bidding. Amen. I forgot to point out, Angel, the promises on page 75, the fifth step promises. And we have completed your fifth step, so I've got to ask you a question. Have you kept any secrets from me at all? Um, no. You're sure of that? Well, it's just something I left off. Okay. No secrets, Angel. What is it? All right, fine. When I was little, I made my brother eat margarine. I tricked him into eating it. I don't even know why I should do that, but I didn't. Well, we got that one out, so that's the end of that. But if you have told me everything, I want you to take that second paragraph and read it to me. On page 75? On page 75, yeah. Okay. Okay. We pop in our pride and go to it, eliminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are divided. How are you feeling, Angel? I feel pretty good. No fooling. Next one. We can look the world in the eye. I noticed this week after we got started going through this, that you were... You were looking at me eyeball to eyeball. Were you aware of that? I guess so. You said you were sharing your secrets with me, and still you're able to look at me. That's pretty neat. How about the next one? We can be alone in perfect peace and ease. Are you lonely? Right now, at this moment? No, not at all. What's the next one? Our fears fall from us. What are you afraid of? Nothing. Isn't that amazing? Isn't it amazing? What's the next promise? We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. Whether you recognize it or not, you've just announced that that's exactly what's happening. The fact that you are happy, able to look me eyeball to eyeball, the loneliness is gone, the fear is gone, He's touched your life. Now, one thing we've got to do before we can go on, you've got to spend an hour doing what we have done. And if you look at the last paragraph on page 75, you're going to have to go sit down someplace for 60 whole minutes. And during that 60 minutes, I want you to carefully review steps 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And I want you to begin that hour with the second sentence in that paragraph. It's a prayer. What does it say? We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. And I want you to get on your knees at the beginning of that hour and pray that prayer. Because, see, you just found out that you do know Him a little bit better now. You just found out that you do know Him a little bit better now. than you ever did before. Read the next two sentences. The promises are that don't live. Taking the book down from our shelf, we turn to the page which contains the 12 steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals, we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk every man of us. There is a prayer in that sentence. Did you see it? No. Oh. We asked? Yes. You see, it's going to be you, the big book and God, all by yourself. And the thing we want to do is make certain that you are completely clear at this point on why you drank the way you did. Because you're a selfish, self-centered woman. I usually don't use that nice word, woman. But anyway, you know what I mean. Finish your hour and then we'll take a little break. And I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. I'll kill you, yer he's mad. Pete, how many minutes do we have? Well, we have flash at her and my father-in-law went over there after they'd purchased a house and given it away. All four busy now just looking at Octop impressively. Then the day of our wedding. All persons we had harmed. And became willing to make amends to them all. I don't think you realize it, but because you did the fourth step exactly the way it's in the big book, you found you already had the willingness. And you weren't even aware that the willingness had been given you. If you look carefully on page 67, you'll see where it says, We are willing to make amends. Over on the bottom of page 70, it says, We are willing to make amends. Because the promises of doing step four the way it is in the big book gives us not only the list of names we've got to start making amends to, but it gives us the willingness to start making amends. So actually, we're given step eight as we do step four. But some of those people we don't want to make amends to. They've done a real number on us. So what we're going to do is we're going to take the names off of column one and step four. And we're going to put them in one of four columns. Column one is going to be headed up now. Those are the people I'm willing to make amends to right now. The second one is later. These are the people I'd like to make amends to. I don't know where they are, but when I find them, I'll make amends to. Some I don't know about. I'm not too sure I ought to make amends to them. So we're going to put those in the third column, maybe. And that guy that did to you what he did is going to go and call them. So I'll never make amends to him. So we've got those done. Well, over on page 75, 77, it tells us now what we're going to have to do, why we're doing this, and what we're going to have to do to make an amends. So three lines down from the top of the page, and you'll read what it says. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to do maximum service to God and the people of God. That is a whole purpose. That's the purpose of the 12-step program. We've been selfish people, and as long as we're selfish, we keep on drinking. So we've got to learn how to become selfish. And the whole purpose of this program is not to not drink. It's to learn how to fit ourselves to do maximum service to God and the people of God. But if I'm going to make an amend, I've got to have two conditions. And if you look down on that paragraph, along that three or four lines from the bottom, what does it say? It says, Our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong. A sincere desire to set right the wrong. I've got to be really sincere about this. I'll read the last ones in the next paragraph. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret. So if I'm going to make an amend, I've got to be sincere, and I've got to have forgiven that person. I've got to forgive them. Really? Yes. You've got to forgive them before you can make an amend. And care about them? Yep. You've got to care about them. And that means there's going to be a change in the way I think and the way I feel. So we're going to get into what we have to do to do. And right now, I want you to get your list done. As soon as you get it done, check back with me, okay? Yeah. Can I ask you a question about the Bible? Can you read my list? You bet. So I'm confused that all of my force, all of my resentments are people I have to make amends to? We'll make amends to all persons we have harmed. And if we resent them, we have had bad thoughts about them, we've had ill feelings toward them. Yep. Got to make amends. But we're going to have to have the willingness to do that. I'll swear you away on that in a moment. Okay? Okay. And then, when you were saying, I had no idea that our purpose would be our purpose is to submit ourselves to God and be honest. So this isn't just going to be about keeping you sober. Yeah, I agree. That's one of the secrets that's been lost in our fellowship anymore. If we took an inventory of our fellowship today, the answer would be, why is that? What is AA about? The answer would be to not drink. Nope. No, not at all. In fact, on page 19, Bill says, the elimination of drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our 12 steps to the lives of the abhorrent in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. So, no, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is a way to live. It is a living program. It's not about not drinking. It's about how do we become a selfless person, put a smile on his face so he'll keep a smile on our face. And develop more friends than we ever dreamed possible. Well, there you are, kiddo. Get your list done and let me know, okay? Okay. Here it is. Now, we'll go into making amends as we go along. But right now, I want you to turn to page 84. Or 83, excuse me. Last paragraph on 83. Read it to me. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, your B.M. is before we are halfway through. You're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. You will not regret the task or wish to turn it. You will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we've gone, we will see how our experiences benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain peace. We will lose interest in ourselves. Self-thinking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook will come by some change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to be our first. We will suddenly realize that pride is too impressive because it has too much of us. Go ahead, read that prayer. Our B.M. is German and promises we think bad. Fear of being fulfilled. We will be fulfilled in our lives sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always do our lives if we work for them. And they say there are 12 promises for step 9. There are 14 promises for step 9. The very first sentence on page 83 says that we are painstaking about this space of ours. Alright, we vigorously commence this way of living and we have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. What? Understanding and effectiveness of what? Life? No. Would you read on page 77? Oh. Oh. To fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us? I think you found it. Understanding that that is your real purpose and effectiveness in carrying that out. Oh. Okay, should I continue? Go on. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. I had no idea. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. Hold it. What step did you do that in? Fourth step. Okay. Go on. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. What step did you do that in, Hank? Six. Step six of seven. Okay. We discuss them with someone immediately. What step was that one, Hank? Step five. Yeah. What's it like? Make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. What's that? What's that? I don't know. What's that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What's that? Eight and nine. Not through yet, are you? What's the next one? Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Step one. See, step ten is what we may have done to become a recovered alcoholic. Now the job is to stay recovered. So this is what we do, moment by moment, day by day. Any time we're upset about something, it's a time to say no. It's a time to say stop. We'll take a break for a moment, and then we'll come back. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to go ahead and thank everybody. And we'll come back. I'm going to go ahead and thank everybody. Wonderful. And thank you for having us. Thank you. So this is what we do moment to moment, day by day. Anytime we're upset about something, we've got to tell God, I missed again. So I call our sponsor and say, I did it again. I'm sorry. If we've left him, we've got to go make amends. We've got to get off our ass and go try to find somebody. Four things to watch for. Four things to do. Just that simple. So do you mean like every single time I get angry, I'm supposed to tell you? Getting angry is a normal thing. If I see somebody hit a woman, I am going to be very angry. If I see somebody kick a button, I'm going to be very angry. Am I going to be angry now or for now? Am I going to be angry tomorrow? If I'm going to be angry an hour from now, I better go ahead and call and let somebody know. Something happened that I am really upset about. They did something and I didn't know what to do. Okay. Okay. And so you don't care if I call you a lot? Nope. I want you to. And if you can't, get my little bathroom, leave it on the afternoon machine or send me an email. Text on Skype. The important thing is that you're humble enough to admit you're still sad. That is the case. But there's a big promise, a bunch of promises built with it. And I want you to read the first one. Verse 2. Verse 2. The first one is the next sentence. Okay. And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone. No. Oh! Love and tolerance of others is our cult. Remember, I got some people in my maybe and never was. Yeah. So maybe if they posted, wrote this to me, if I did what they did, I might get a break in love and tolerance. I'm a sucker. Okay. Yes, my gosh. You have a promise, Jens. Go on. Okay. Now, does he cease fighting anything and anyone, even alcohol? For by this time, sanity will have returned. What was your hope and step to? That God would restore me to sanity? Could restore me to sanity. Oh. That God could restore me to sanity. Yeah, what's your promise? God. That sanity will have returned. I am now talking to the same kind of alcohol. It goes ahead with more promises you can do in your leisure, but I want you to go two thirds down the way on page 85 and tell me what the fifth step prayer is. Is that how can I best serve thee? Three cents. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all. All of our activities. How can I best serve thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. You must do what he wants you to do and quit doing what you want to do. And that's a game play. As long as I'm willing to do what he's got for me to do, I'm going to be sober and I'm going to be happy. But if I start insisting, I'm going to be happy. I'm going to do what I want to do and ignore the opportunity to help others. I'm going to get miserable just the way you have been. And if not your fault, there's nothing critical of that play. But I was denied the truth until I met Joe McHugh. You've been denied the truth as so many of us have. So now you are beginning to learn the truth. Next thing you're going to do is over on page 76, the first paragraph. It's going to be page 86. Okay. When we retire tonight, we constructively review our day. Oh, that's funny. I thought that was the 10th step, but it's not. What it is is a review of how well did you do step 10 today. Take the questions. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Step 4. Do we owe an apology? Step 8 and 9. Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Step 5. Were we kind and loving toward all? Step 12. And 10. And the rest of it is just each form of meditation and contemplating. How well did I do step 10 today? And this is what I want you to do. Day by day, man down, look at the way it's set. There is a prayer of need. Okay. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. Okay. Now we can go to bed. We're going to wake up in the morning. That's the first thing we do. We hope we wake up in the morning. We don't have to do this. Find out what to do. Is that the on awakening? Let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. And that is a prayer. We begin our day. This day, I've got to ask you to help me be selfless. My motives are going to be for the day. Okay. I've got a bit of help from others, not from me. It's a trick. You've got a big job on your hands, guys. But I'm willing to do the job you've got for me to do. So, please start chipping away, and I'll see you next week. Okay. Do you want me to keep going? Sure. Let's see here. Under these conditions, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance. For after all, God gave us brains to use. Again, I want to give you a piece of good news. Being an alcoholic, you're in great shape to become a selfless person. That's the biggest problem with being a selfless person. You're a tyrant. You're a tyrant. You're in great shape to begin this process because you've never used your head up to this point. You're in a great shape. Great plane. So you haven't got any obstacles at all. Nope. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here, we ask God for inspiration and intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. And here's what we have required. Begin your prayer with bank and aim and ask him to keep you to have straight up thinking. And Joe pointed out to me, and I had never given any thought to it, but we got him to read this. He gave us one and a half to two years. So we sit down and have a visit with him to begin our day. We need to do a little bit of talking and an awful lot of listening. The thing that I do is I am just banking. Today. That he's given me and asking him to place all the people in my life. And ask him what he wants me to do today. And then I shut up and listen as best I can. My mind goes drift and off. And you're still too. What I want you to do when your mind drifts is to pick out some phrase that can connect you back with it. And I have two phrases I use. One is, it's still a note that I am God. And I repeat that with my breath. And get back. And my mind is quiet now. And then I quit and try to listen. And it ain't time at all for that damn thing. It goes off in another direction. The other thing that I repeat from time to time is, speak near God while I am listening. And I repeat it and repeat it and repeat it. At least he knows I'm trying. And he rewards us for what we try to do. And I know that most of the time I never get it. I know he knows that I'm trying. And here I am with the courage of God. What do you think? Thank you. You introduced me to the 12 lives of the uncle of the sun. I don't know how this is going to end. But this is what he knows to do. This is what he will do to you. Does that make it something you're willing to do, Kim? Yeah. I am. Over there in the middle of page 87. What's that paragraph say? We usually conclude the period. It says, I feel like the St. Francis prayer. It's in page 99 of the E.A. 12. I use it. I love it. It embodies our program as well as any prayer that I've said. You know, sometimes I think maybe old St. Francis had a bad case of alcoholism and found a way to live sober. Because that's exciting. That's exactly what we do. There's one more thing you've got to be conscious of. The last paragraph on page 87 I want you to read. Okay. As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. Can I ask you a question? Sure. Does it every single time it says ask, is that a prayer? That is a prayer. Who are you going to ask? God. Okay. Okay. So, don't ask me. I had to go to him too, so. Okay. So, when we go through the day, as we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful and ask for the right thought or action. Yeah. It goes along with step 10. Okay. Do you want me to keep reading? Yep. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, Thy will be done. We are then in much less danger. We get tired of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works. It really does. We overcome the cold and the mental heat. Read that again. It works. It works. It really does. There's one sentence missing. Only if you work it. We didn't do that all the time. But it's not something you're going to get sitting on your ass in meetings If we're going to get you ready to start carrying this in Okay We alcoholics are undisciplined So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined Do you have any idea what that outline is? The steps? Yeah The thing that you did when you came into your parents You've taken the first 11 steps And you've already experienced a little bit of his presence Which we just did So you're going now to get an offer here where we're in And you're going to join our kids In the places we're going to You there? Yeah, we're here Okay And I want you to check out a couple, three of them And figure out where you're going to go And start looking for people to help And see how our people Are you willing to do it? But you Wait a minute You know people don't actually do that People don't like Go places to find people You mean just like when they come into meetings, right? I say you're going to get off your ass And join the kids in our group Doing what we do You go find blinded South Nation Army Jail Mission Suit catchers Alamo plans Jails We have a knack for finding places where we can find A bed, a mat, a bed of sleep Those are the places we go to You know, a few times I've known the law That you can go to And tell them, I understand I'm in there I'd like to help if you'll let me Whether they decide to join or not It's not important But it is important That you try And that's what he asked us in chapters Seven, Johnson That we are to qualify them We are to tell them our story We are not to get an end to God or spirituality But we're just simply to tell them How we have suffered How we've tried desperately to never drink again Time after time we've faked And when they say, yeah, I need to do What do I have to do? You tell them I had no idea I thought that we just Met people in meetings So This is amazing This is like completely new It's not a lie, David If you read chapter seven This is what he starts to do Go to the ground You know what I'm saying? You want to say it? Let's say it We can look at it Okay Last paragraph The last paragraph? I don't think Yeah Oh, this? Yeah Okie dokie Okay Your job Your job now Is to be at the top of the list And to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others So never hesitate to go anywhere If you can be helpful You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand Keep on the firing line of life with these motives And God will keep you unharmed And that's when it's all of it Ok, one more thing I want you to read Go to page 164 And I gotta ask you a question though Here, go Like I feel like we did this so fast How can I help anybody? I don't understand Like I thought a person can't help another person Well, you've got a shithead exponsor that's going to help you learn how to do that So you find a cross back and I'll help you Ok, alright Ok, I can do that Page 164, middle of the page It says Our book is meant to be suggestive only? Oh yeah We realize we know only a little God will constantly disclose more to you and to us Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick Ok Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick There's a well said prayer and that's what you're hearing Ok Ok