Sat in the Half-Measure Section and Let a Sponsor Make the Twelve Steps Come Alive — Hashis M.

About This Speaker Tape

Hashish shares her story of growing up in a chaotic, alcoholic family, moving constantly between Puerto Rico, Michigan, New York, and eventually Georgia. Born to very young hippie parents — her half-sister named Crystal hints at their lifestyle — she felt uncomfortable in her own skin from the earliest age, never fitting in, lying about her name, and attempting to harm herself as young as five or six. The constant relocations, her father's alcoholism, domestic violence, and the language barrier when moving to the American South deepened her isolation and depression.

When she discovered alcohol as a young teenager in Georgia, it was instant relief — total blackout drinking from the very first time. She describes the "perfect trifecta" of puberty, depression, and alcoholism colliding at age twelve. Her drinking progressed rapidly: multiple arrests, the same judge over and over, sleeping in cars, drinking and driving as a regular habit, and doing whatever was necessary to keep drinking. She was a functioning alcoholic with two jobs — one to pay bills, one to fund drinking — and later a third income stream just to pay attorneys.

Her sister, who had been sent to treatment first, became her lifeline even as Hashish's life fell apart. When Hashish finally called her mother for help, her mother said she couldn't help but gave her the number of her sister's former AA sponsor. That call changed everything. Hashish came to AA at twenty, convinced she wouldn't live to see twenty-one. Sponsorship became the cornerstone of her sobriety, making the steps, traditions, and fellowship come alive for her.

A year into sobriety, her sister was diagnosed with cancer and given three months to live — she lasted six. That loss sent Hashish into her first sober mental crisis, furious at Higher Power for taking her sister instead of her. Through sponsorship, service work, and the fellowship, she survived. Now married twenty years to a man also in AA, raising two daughters, living in the same house for fifteen years, Hashish marvels at a life she never expected to have. She closes with the promise from the Twelve and Twelve that the steps can "expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole" — and says that has become her lived experience.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction — sobriety date February 9, 1993, names her sponsor Dot
• 2:00 Childhood in Puerto Rico — alcoholic family on both sides, grandfather bumming quarters for drinks
• 5:00 Never fitting in — overwhelming discomfort around people, lying about her name from early childhood
• 8:00 Constant moves between Puerto Rico, Michigan, New York, Miami — waking up in the car mid-relocation
• 12:00 Move to Georgia at age 12 — the perfect trifecta of puberty, depression, and alcoholism begins
• 15:00 First drink and instant blackout — total relief, no more thinking or feeling
• 19:00 Rapid decline — multiple jails, functioning alcoholic with jobs funding drinking and attorneys
• 23:00 Sister sent to treatment, comes back transformed — attending Al-Anon as an untreated alcoholic enrages her
• 27:00 Mother refuses to help but gives her sister's former sponsor's number — comes to AA at age 20
• 32:00 Sister's cancer diagnosis and death one year into sobriety — first sober crisis, anger at Higher Power, and eventual healing through sponsorship and service