Same Home Group for Twenty-Seven Years — That’s How I’m Still Here – Phil B.

Take me where the promises are. My name is Tinsley. I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at the NABBA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. This is a reading based on a passage from page 29 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabloochipspeakers.org desperately in need will hear our speaker, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be blessed. We will be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. So tonight is the first time I've met this speaker, but I did notice on the poster that his sobriety date was B.C., which is before cell phones. And I'm really looking forward to what he has to share with us tonight. With that, I'll give you Phil. Hey, my name is Philip, and I'm an alcoholic. First of all, I want to say this is probably one of my least favorite things to actually do, at least. Unless I had a six-pack in my system or something. You know, this is the area where I kind of grew up in. I went to grammar school right down the street. I went to high school right down the street. I got my first public drunk right down the street, which is at the Kroger, that red light right there. I got my last public drunk at the Cab Kennedy Jail. It had a Memorial Drive and 285 intersection. And I had a lot of public drunks and a lot of stuff in between. But I was born and raised here in Atlanta. And, you know, I was actually, I was a pretty good kid in grammar school. You know, I went through seven years and never missed a day of grammar school. I did really well until they put me in charge of like the ice cream money. You know, and then that was where I got caught for the first time stealing, you know, some money for the basket, some money from a pocket, you know, stuff like that. And I don't remember getting any trouble with that. But, you know, then I went to high school. You know, in my family, there's a lot of alcoholism in our family, you know, in my dad's family, not my mom's. My mom's family. It's like a bunch of saints. But my dad's family, there's like alcoholism everywhere. A lot of his brothers and sisters and stuff and his dad died in their 30s and 40s. And so my mom used to warn me, my brothers, you know, and sister, what might happen if we started drinking, you know, before we started drinking. And, you know, I didn't listen too much to that kind of stuff, you know. So, you know, that's kind of probably, at least in my eyes, kind of normal. I was a normal kid. I hung around with some guys that liked to do things that probably wasn't perfectly legal, you know. They did other things like they started smoking pot and drinking a little bit when I was probably the age of 12 or 13 years old. You know, we did other normal stuff. I mean, it wasn't normal to most people, but, you know, you go around stealing stuff. I did that. I mean, I graduated from the grammar school stuff, and we started taking anything that wasn't tied down with a group of guys. But, you know, when I started drinking, though, you know, for starters, you know, my best friend that I met when I was really fairly young was like a career criminal in the making. And I got taught, and I was the guy that had fairly low self-esteem, and I was taught them to doing stuff pretty quickly. And so I got in some criminal trouble with doing a variety of things. But when I started drinking, you know, I don't know, it's like it just fixed my self-esteem. I just, it just made me, everything about my life, it made better instantly. But my problem wasn't, my problem wasn't, you know, my problem wasn't, you know, my problem wasn't, you know, my problem wasn't, you know, my problem wasn't. My problem wasn't really the drinking part, it was the blackout part. Because when I drank, I blacked out all the time. When I was 13, 14 years old, I'd, that's really, literally, I'd start, when I started drinking, I'd just, I'd wake up in places, you know, all kind of places. Well, the first time I ever got, the first time I actually got arrested for drinking was when I was 17. I literally, I blacked out, and I passed out underneath this red light. And I could have easily probably gotten hit by a car or something like that. And I was with this friend of mine, and she had called my mom and said, look, you need to come, it's right over here, there's Kroger. So you need to come get him, he's not going to make it home. And I, you know, my mom rushed up there, and there was a high school hangout we hung out with a lot, a place called Demos Subs. I don't know if anybody ever remembers from that era. And they had a rent-a-cop up there, and they had a bunch of high school kids from Cross Keys, where I went to high school in. And, you know, so by the time my mom got there to try to get me before I made it home, I was already in the car. I was in the back of a paddy wagon, you know. And that night, I was 17, and they took me home instead of taking me to jail. But they did, the next day, I remember they did give me a citation that said I was arrested for publicly drunk, and I got into court at a certain date. So, all right. And also, people told me things about that night for a while. Like I had, I mean, things I did while I was inside of Demos Subs. I'm glad I was probably blacked out. But, you know, a couple days later, I decided that I was going to go to jail. So, I went out drinking again, and my mom told me, she said, look, if you go out and get drinking tonight, and you get arrested, you're going to stay in jail all weekend. And I remember thinking, hang it. You know, the thing is, too, also about blackouts, is the day that I blacked out, the first time I got arrested, I remember drinking vodka, orange juice, and pepper schnapps. And I don't remember a lot else, but I remember starting with that. You know, but that next, that was on a Tuesday night. And on that Friday night, I was going to, I was drinking beer. And I remember me and some buddies of mine were riding through this bowling alley parking lot up here in Northeast Plaza. And the cop pulls us over, and there's five of us in this car. And he makes everybody get out of the car but me. And I remember thinking, you know, I thought I was kind of screwed up. I wanted to get out of the car, too. But the cop, in his mind, thought I was drinking too much. And he told the guys that he needed to take me home because I'd been drinking too much. And in my mind, I already knew I wasn't going home. So they got back in the car. The guys were like, you know, the cops have really got to take you home. And I already made up my mind I wasn't going home. But I blacked out. And I woke up in the cap can of jail. And I remember thinking, I had no clue where I got arrested. And so I had to call my mom and say, you know, I got arrested. She's like, well, where did you get arrested this time? I said, the same place I got arrested last time. Of course, the last time was underneath the red light. So it actually wasn't in that same spot. But I went to court for both of them on the same day, you know, because they were so close together. And I went to court. And the judge says, he said, well, he said, the first one, you were passed out underneath Claremont Road red light. So obviously, you were extremely drunk. And I'm going to give you a year's probation and a $100 fine. He said, the second one, which was only three days later, he said, you were running from the police officer behind Northeast Plaza bowling alley. So obviously, you weren't as drunk as you were the first time. So I'm going to give you a $50 fine and a year's probation. And I'm thinking, damn, I was clueless. But here's the thing about not drinking, though. I went to court, and I was 17. I've been blacking out since I was probably 13. When I went to court, I didn't think there was any issue. I really didn't. And I didn't go to court thinking I had that big of a problem. But when that judge told me that, I left court, and it freaked me out. I didn't drink for nine months. Because I knew that if I drank, that kind of stuff would continue to happen. I just knew it. But I just, so I didn't drink for nine months. I did other substances. But I will tell you, other substances, you know, marijuana and some of this other stuff, it did not do the same thing for me that alcohol did for me. You know, alcohol may be 10 foot tall and bulletproof. And like, as short as I am, I needed to be 10 foot tall. But it literally just made me, everything about my life better. Other substances, it was like a temporary fix. I mean, really temporary. It was nothing like alcohol would do for me. So after about nine months, I started, you know, drinking again, because I could only handle so much. But, you know, I'll tell you this, and during this time, you had a, like I got arrested a few times, besides the drinking stuff, you know, a few criminal things, I got arrested, like auto theft and a few other things. So, and I was almost, you know, and I was doing pretty good in school, considering, you know, but I found a way to make it out of high school. And my mom really thought that, you know, you really need to get in the service, because you don't want to get in trouble. You don't want to get in trouble. You don't want to get in trouble. And I was the guy that had no plans for life. So my only, my first plan was, I'm going to go to the military, I'm going to spend 20 years, and I'm going to retire. That was like my plan. So I tried to get in the Army. And the Army, they ran like six or seven waivers on me, and they finally said, you know what, if you could stay out of trouble, another 18 months will take you. And so I figured, I figured, and I didn't really want to go in the Navy, you know, for some reason. But my mom decided, without really telling me, she took all the waivers that I had and went and talked to a Navy recruiter. And I don't know what she said to them, but they're like, you know, we'll take them. She says, she tells me, she says, okay, you know, I got you in the Navy, so you can actually get out of here. I think what she really wanted to do was to get me away from some of these idiots. I was hanging out with. Not to mention the drinking powers. I think she probably thought it would probably help me grow up or something, you know. So next thing I know, I found myself going in the Navy. And I'm going to tell you this, if you're going to the Navy, and you've got a pretty bad drinking problem, blacking out problem, and stuff like that, it doesn't really fix that. When I first, and I'll tell you what did fix something, that when I first went in the military, in the Navy, I did really well in the boot camp. Because I was not allowed to drink in boot camp. And then the way they do it when you get out of boot camp is they pay you. And then when they pay you, it means I have money, and it's time to start drinking again. And my career, you know, I was never a really good sailor. But I remember when I came home from boot camp, and I actually got paid, and I'd go out and I would recklessly go out drinking in a lot of my dress white Cracker Jack uniforms, and all this kind of stuff. I ruined five sets of uniforms before I ever went to my first base. I'd literally go out getting drunk, I'd black out, and I'd roll in the mud, stuff like that. And then, so I show up, and I got stationed in Charleston, South Carolina. So I go to my very first day in Charleston, South Carolina. They paid me when I got there, and I thought, I've got to see what this town's like. You know, we go to this, so they've got this bus that kind of takes you all over town. You know, it's like a school bus. And, you know, you can kind of go from bar to bar or whatever. You know, I thought it was pretty cool. Except I didn't know nothing about Charleston. But I decided to take this bus. You know, and the thing is, I'm not really supposed to report until the next day. You know? And the division I was in was called Small Boats Division, which was a barge tied up next to the pier that looked after boats. You know? Of course, I didn't really know all that much about boats, you know, or anything. I never reported there. I wasn't supposed to report until the next day. Except, you know, I went out drinking, and I woke up on the side of this, I don't know where, you know, I woke up on this bench or something. You know, and I'm thinking, I was supposed to be at work in like an hour. Within a couple hours, I was supposed to be at work. But I had no idea where I was at. So I remember, I just started hitchhiking. And back in those days, you could hitchhike, and people would actually give you a ride. You know, so I'd start hitchhiking, and some guy gives me a ride, and he's like, you know, luckily he was going to, he was actually going to my ship. You know, so it actually made that part quick. But then again, I show up when I'm walking up to my barge, where my division was. They're mustering for quarters. I'm half drunk the night before, my civilian clothes, and their thought was, oh shit, we got another one. That was my first impression with these guys. You know? And it really didn't get any better than that. And you know, my drinking just kind of took off. You know? But you know what? I found out that when I got there, there was this big Liberty cruise coming up. You know, so, and this Liberty cruise was going, I was on a boat called a USS Canopus. It was a giant submarine tender. And we never went anywhere. It just kind of stayed in shore. Then it would go out in the sea like one week a year, tear up a couple times, and come back. And that was about the extent of their trips. But when I got there, they were planning a trip to Fort Lauderdale for spring break. And I thought, man, what kind of perfect timing is that? You know? And I'm finally getting a boat. I've never been to Fort Lauderdale. So I'm thinking, this ought to be fun, getting to go to Fort Lauderdale for spring break. Except, you know, I was just having a regular, normal day hanging out at the military club. And I'm watching the cops arrest this guy. And I'm like, half in, half out, blacking out. And next thing you know, I wake up in the military jail. And I can always come out of a blackout, usually like running off at the mouth or something, just cussing people out and just really, you know, just... But my chief petty officer had come to pick me up and he walks in carrying a pair of shackles and handcuffs. And he's like, well, they told me they had some kind of a crazed lunatic in here. And it's only you. So it turned out that I was arrested for like assaulting a police officer. I was assaulted a police officer, resisting arrest, probably drunk. The thing is, I just made E1, I mean E2. I mean, I never really made it past E2. So I went from E1 to E2. Then I get arrested. I get busted back to E1 again. They bust me like half a month, pay for two months, restricted the ship for 45 days, all this stuff. So I was arrested. So when we went to Fort Lauderdale for spring break, I couldn't even get off the ship. I was stuck on the ship with a giant yellow ID card. You know, and it's just kind of like that. So I was in Charleston, South Carolina for about 18 months. And I had about nine public drunks, a DUI, assaulting a police officer, and driving without a license or something. But you know the thing is, I got let go a lot more than I ever got caught. It's just, this is like a regular ordeal. And stuff like that was always happening. You know, and so the military started, they started thinking, you know, maybe he's got an issue. You know, so they sent me to a, I don't know, it's probably like a modern day DUI school, like for a week. You know, where in the afternoons I had to go there. And I think what they wanted to do is to teach you how to drink successfully or something, you know. And I don't remember that much about it, but I don't think it worked. So I went through that. And then they would send me to the chaplain occasionally, you know. And then our ship was coming up on a, we were getting ready to get put in dry dock. You know. And like I said, I'd never made past E2. I didn't even want E2. I wanted E2. I mean, it was just kind of a circle, you know, just, but our ship was getting ready to go to dry dock. And they decided they were, we started working in dry dock and they decided they wanted to send me to a treatment center, the military treatment center. Which is by far the best treatment center you can go to because I got paid to go. I got my regular check to go to treatment. So, but I remember when I went to this treatment center, before I went to the treatment center, back up for a second, before I went to this treatment center, I found out, now a lot of my arrests, I didn't get double jeopardy on. They were away from the base and I didn't really get caught by the military and so I just basically had to pay fines and stuff like that. And I'd only been to two captains mass, but I got let go on a couple others that could have been captains mass. And I found out that if you go to this treatment center and you tell them, they got this six month aftercare program after the treatment center and you tell them to kiss your rear on the aftercare program, you can get out with an honorable discharge. It's actually, it's actually the worst honorable you can get, but it's the general and honorable conditions. So, my first major plan, after my first plan of actually trying to retire from the service, I thought, I'd go to this treatment center and I told them to kiss my rear on the aftercare and get out with an honorable discharge. So, I called my mom and said, hey, I'm coming home. This is what I'm going to do. Told her what my plan was and, you know what, our division, some guys in our division decided they were going to have one, they were going to have a party for some reason. And so, you know, the way my mind works is, you know what, if I'm going to be locked up for 30 days, I'm damn sure not missing this party. So, we go to this party and, I don't know, we wanted to carry the party over to some guy's house. So, the thing is, when you're in the Navy and you go to other bases, you really got to be on your P's and you got to be on your better behavior. I mean, like, if you go to the Air Force Base, well, the Air Force Base had the biggest liquor store in Charleston at the time. And so, we had to go to the Air Force Base to buy some more beer and liquor for the party to take it to this guy's house. So, we go to this liquor store and I remember I'm standing in line. I got two cases of beer and I'm at the cash register just about ready to pay to get out of this place. Well, I blacked out and I'm up in the Air Force Base jail. With, I don't know, they'd like to take one charge and they'll give it like five different names. You know? So, I come out of there. They, you know, had a bunch of charges. Something, you know, you know what, when I go to this treatment center, they're going to, they're going to, sorry, they're going to wipe all this stuff out because I'm trying to get sober. You know, which is a bunch of projects. So, that was my plan. I thought, well, maybe I still got a chance for my plan to work. Right? So, I go to this treatment center the week later. Right? Because I hadn't gone, I hadn't gotten in trouble for this stuff on Air Force Base yet. So, so, I'm in treatment center and, you know, that's where I went to my first AME's. I had no, I didn't go to treatment because I wanted to quit drinking. I didn't go to treatment, I didn't know if I had that big of a problem yet. I mean, I'm like 21 years old. You know? So, when I go to this treatment center, they took me to my first AME's. We went in the vans and they, they were picking up white, I mean, they really wanted you to pick up a white ship and start doing something. It took me like a, I'm going to tell you something, I had a hard time even saying my name and alcoholic in the same sentence, in the same phrase. But yet, other people called me alcoholic when I was on this, you know, the day, you know, with, it's like I didn't mind that because it justified the crazy behavior that was going on. You know? But I didn't like calling myself an alcoholic. You know, so, for a couple of weeks, it took me a couple of weeks to even say my name and alcoholic in a meeting. You know, after being in the military. And, but they took me to meetings every day. And I really identified more than I really wanted to. You know, there was a lot of stuff they were talking about that was me, perfectly. You know, but, and then they came up with this, the third, third weekend of treatment. They had this, this, the third weekend of treatment, they had this weekend liberty thing where they let you out for a weekend. They said, whatever you do, don't go play, don't go hang out with your buddies in the bars. You know, whatever. And I can't remember exactly how they worded it. And I'm like, ain't not a problem. Well, first thing I did was, I had this buddy of mine. And I said, look, if you get too drunk, let me know and I'll drive for you. So, the dude gets drunk with a, with a skunk. I'm driving for him. He talks to him, doing his U-turn. I do his U-turn. A cop pulls over. Next thing you know, the, the dude's like cussing the cop out, running off of the mouth. He's caught with dope on him. He's drunk with a skunk. And the, and the cop thought I was even drunk. Of course, I was three weeks sober. You know, I'd rather drink. And then the cop said, you know, you got a suspended driver's license, right? And I was like, you know, I completely forgot about that. He's been, tell you what, I said, well, you gonna give me a ticket? He's like, no jail. So I went to jail for my weekend liberty out of the treatment center. And then somehow I got out like early Sunday morning and we go back in this treatment center and you sit around in a circle and tell everybody, what did you do for your weekend liberty? And I was the only one that's been in jail. And it's just a really weird time. It's like, so I'm getting out of the treatment center. I'm not, and the thing is, they asked me, they asked me, do you have any fear about getting out of the treatment center? And you know what? I didn't have any. And I know now that I didn't have any because I really didn't want to quit drinking. You know, just never dawned on me that I had to really quit completely drinking. So I get out of the treatment center. It took me a couple of days to start drinking again. The Navy busted me for the stuff I did on the Air Force Base. Made my third captain's mess. And then what they do when they restrict you to the ship, they give you five days five restricted musters you know, a day. So they want to make sure you're not going AWOL. And usually what they do, if you miss one, they slap you on the wrist. You miss two, they'll give you some extra duty. It takes like three or four misses to actually write you up. But you know, they didn't like me. I was so ticked that they had busted me that I just didn't even hear them call it. So I missed the very first one and they decided to write me up. Made my fourth captain's mess. And so they ended up kicking me out with a dishonorable discharge. Which was December 6th, 1984. And they didn't give me enough money for the bus home. Now, ironically, that's also the day of my last public drunk. Which was my last public drunk was Memorial Drive in 285, which was December 6th, 1984, which is the day I came home from the service. And I didn't plan on that either. You know, it's just I didn't plan on any of this stuff. But you know, I remember I don't go to the D.C. It's just one thing after another it seemed like. But you know, after I got out of the service and I got this other public drunk, I went like almost a I mean, I went a whole year and didn't get arrested. But I got let go like five times. It was just a really weird year where I just kept getting let go for stuff. And that was in Atlanta. I mean, today's day they probably get commissioned on this stuff. They probably let you go for nothing nowadays. But back then they did. So, let me go for stuff. But I'll tell you this. I still didn't look at myself as an alcoholic even though I had a history that says you probably are. You know? But you know, me and my kid brother was riding and I don't even know how he knew this. We were riding in front of Nava one day and he said you see that? That's Nava. That's the A.A. club. I don't know how he knew that. I said, yeah, I'm going to be in that stuff. I had this gut feeling that I was going to be in that stuff. That I was going to be here. And I don't know why I just did. You know? And I was looking for a job and I got a job right next door to Nava at Barron Incorporated right next door. And they put me working with a guy named Marcus who just so happened to be nine months old. It was just the weirdest thing. You know? And so, he kept telling me about A.A. and Nava and all this kind of stuff and then he told me the magic words. He said, you know, they got a couple of pool tables over there. I'm like, really? Really? So, me and my kid brother came to Nava for the first time because I wanted to see what the pool tables were. You know, we came here I think it was like a Tuesday night or something and I really walked in. I don't know, they were talking about some crap that I heard in the treatment center so I weren't really that serious. I wasn't really thinking about really paying attention. You know? But I looked around and I didn't see the tables. There was at least one person here I thought that looked like they were drunk and it turned out she wasn't because I got to know her later. Her name was Katie. And, uh, so we left that night and got drunk. You know? I was living with him and my little brother's wife and a couple of months later I just got to a point in my life I thought, you know, I was 22 then and I thought if I could just quit drinking I thought my life would get off the ground. It seemed like everything I touched just turned to shit. You know, I just couldn't and that's the first time I think I truly in my heart I blamed it on what I was doing and alcohol and all that the whole life. And, you know, you know, I did other drugs but the alcohol was my main thing. Period. You know? And so I really thought that and somehow I came back up to Nava you know, I picked a white chip up and I was sitting right over there on the whaling wall or what we used to call it you know, the wall over there and, uh, you know, I met a guy his name was Brent and, uh, he kind of explained a few things to me and volunteered to be my sponsor. He took me downstairs and bought me lunch downstairs and, you know what, that's where the damn pool table was that I'm hidden from. You know? But I remember that was pretty cool. You know? And, um, he kind of told me about I don't know a variety of things about what they do to stay sober and, I mean, you know what, you probably haven't heard you probably haven't you haven't heard me talk about church and God and stuff like that because I just wasn't one of those kind of people. But for some reason this guy was talking to me about hitting your knees in the morning and night and talking that's like you know, I have no idea why I started doing that stuff in the beginning. You know? I thought maybe they wouldn't let me stay here if I didn't. You know? But I started doing things and I started going to a ton of meetings. But I remember this is I was living with my little brother and his wife and I didn't have a car or a driver's license and I remember he told me hey, I gotta tell you one of the best things one of the best things he did he got me plugged in some really strong AA meetings. Skyland became my home for a really long time but he took me to a lot of these places but I remember he said I'll come pick you up tomorrow whatever time it was like 7.30 or 7 or something like that and I remember looking out the blinds thinking that joker ain't showing up. That was my mindset. You know? And he showed up exactly when he said he was going to show up. You know? So he picked me up and started taking me to all these really strong AA meetings. You know? And he taught me things like you know what every time you go to a meeting there's three meetings. You go to a meeting beforehand, during, and after. You know? If there's a place that's getting together for breakfast or lunch you be there. You know what I'm saying? And if you're not eating you go there. You know? And I wasn't a person that developed bonds with people. You know? Stuff like that you know kind of it helped me tons. You know? And he got me started on the you know trying to work something. Let me tell you this. The thing about you know when I hit my knees in the morning and night that was I mean that's completely out of my character to an extreme. I'd never done anything. I quit going to church when I was like five or six years old because my mom caught me skipping Sunday school and said if you don't want to go you don't have to and I didn't go. I mean I just didn't like that kind of stuff. And for whatever reason I'm starting to do stuff like that. You know? And then he one of the things he did he got me hooked up with a with a big book study at a guy's house. You know there was and the guy was awesome. I mean there's a whole big book study there's a men's big book study there were a bunch of guys and they were hooked up with one of the Atlanta Men's Workshop and Rock Eagle and just all that kind of stuff. And the Skyland group he took me to groups where there were a lot of people at a lot of times they'd been around for a long long time and Skyland became my home group for about 27 years. You know? But you know and the little thing too is he he got me when I got started working on the steps you know came to believe it's truly a process and I remember when he started saying that we're going to start working towards the third step and you know I mean I got the picture on some of his third step stuff where you the idea where you got to you know get on your knees and talk about stuff that was really not my cup of tea. But for whatever reason he got me he started he got me to read stuff out of the third step and then after 30 days he was just we were starting after actually it was about a couple of months over we did the third step prayer one of the most awkward uncomfortable things I've ever done since I've been in AA you know especially early on because this wasn't really what I'm used to doing that kind of stuff. You know? And I asked him I said well how do you know if it works? He says well we'll see if it works. You know he probably didn't really care as long as I was sharing something you know but I remember when I got done with it you know I kind of thought you know I thought I kind of beat something you know the system or something you know and probably six months later I ended up sharing the stuff I left off intentionally anyway you know so I kind of like cheesed myself out of six months of feeling better about it you know but life just kind of it's just been an awesome road and also you know I never I never knew anything about a lot of things I was I mean I was young when I got here but I didn't really I didn't really date I didn't really do a lot of anything you know and so I finally I used to tell people you know I'm glad I never got credit when I was drinking because I had to damn sure ruin it when I'm sober you know I had to ruin it drinking you know if I'd have got it drinking well I got it sober and I ruined it sober I ended up filing bankruptcy back in 91 you know I the when I got I used to I was a person too that I that I lived in a lot of different places I'd move and I just never had a lot of anything even for years after I got sober so I just lived with I'd rent rooms for people do this kind of stuff you know finally when I was a couple years sober I called my dad at one time I said you know if I could just if I could just go and live for even a month until I can get this place I'd tell him about this place I'd get lined up he's like hell he's like hell no you ain't coming home I was like so I remember so I remember looking in the newspaper finding a room for him you know and he'll find someplace that night for like nine months but I ended up finding one place I lived for a couple years but then I started I started I started I did this inventory with this sponsor of mine right and the sponsor and the inventory was like on relationships and he said he said you ever hear the infamous AA song I'm like no he said me me me I'm like okay six months later I met a girl her name was Mimi so believe it or not she wanted to marry me so I married her you know and that's really how it worked you know and the thing is she was morally her character I mean she didn't drink drug smoke cuss college graduate grew up in a singing in the church choir completely unlike anybody I should be with anyway you know even her parents thought that you know and I was sober a couple of years and I was sober six years when I met her you know but tell you what even then my mindset was just I wasn't my mindset wasn't on getting married and staying married my mindset was I don't know I didn't have a mindset with stuff like that so I remember I was moving out of my place that I had found no I didn't I went around I was living in this guy's house that I had rented a room from where I'm moving out of this guy's house to move in with a person I just married and I'm telling this buddy of mine I'm like man that's a nice guy that's a nice house if I ever get divorced I'll move right back in here 18 months later Frank that's how long my marriage lasted 18 months and the thing is she came into Al-Anon she loved Al-Anon she loved us but something was broken inside of me that didn't want to stay married you know I wanted my freedom you know whatever that meant I wanted to get up and do whatever the hell I wanted you know and I didn't and I just I didn't I never really dated seriously you know you know for years you know just off and on here and there and stuff like that you know but you know God works in mysterious ways you know and I got introduced to going to I don't want to go too long here I got introduced to going to stuff like like the internationals conference in A International I've been to like four of these things and if you haven't gone they're amazing to go to but I was going to this one international you know and I was playing around with doing this online dating stuff you know and you know and I was I went to the airport to go to Toronto Canada and I met this couple from Washington State you know and this couple the guy the guy had asked me he was a guy that got sober like at 15 he was like 23 or sober and he asked me could I give him a ride to their hotel and he was going to rent because I had a rental car and they didn't I ain't in our problem man it turned out his we were riding around we hung out four or five hours I let him off the hotel his wife was Chinese and he was he was an American guy I let him off I thought man as I was doing some online dating I thought you know what that's pretty cool his wife was attractive friendly I thought when I get back to Atlanta I'm going to do me some searches for some Asian chicks that was my mindset and I did a month later I met a girl that I ended up marrying I've been married for 12 years and it's amazing how God works you know because when I met her I was not in a room for a buddy and the thing is at that particular time in my life that I actually met this person I was making really a lot of money compared for I was making really good money for a lot more than I ever made before at the same time but I was paying like $400 a month utilities because I like to spend my money the way I wanted to spend it until I met her you know next thing you know I've been married 12 years and I own two houses in the suburbs you know and it's amazing how that works you know is that God has this plan and so when they start when he wants to move he moves quickly you know and things have just taken off I mean you know but anyhow at some point yeah I can't imagine what my life would be without when she got when she got put in my life it just kind of sped everything up it just next thing you know it had nothing to do with me you know I mean she literally I mean my mind I'm so bad with so many things and I think God sometimes puts you with somebody that's really good at what you really suck at you know and I remember one time she says you know if you can save $20,000 for this time next year I will match it we'll buy a house I was making really good money and I could have actually done that except I wasn't charging my own money you know and a year later I didn't have nothing she's like well I'll buy my own damn house and she did I was like she could have bought a house anytime she wanted to she had a plan for life I didn't have a plan for nothing you know I mean except for going to meetings you know trying to work with a few people and doing certain things some people and things I learned how to I really have to learn to look at myself where I came from because people in AA what I found is they come from so many different varieties of backgrounds you know I've sponsored guys that were more responsible when the middle of their using than I've ever been probably my entire life you know and the other way around as well you know and I don't know why that is you know but in my experiences everything I was really bad at my wife is extremely good at and my wife has taken off I tell you that doesn't mean she ain't pulled her hair out because of me which she has you know and still is you know but it's just weird how things work out you know the same thing with my career I didn't have really much of a job I just kind of bounced around a couple of different low paying jobs and before I was even in the industry I'm in now before I met her weird things kind of lined up and I ended up in the sign industry which is what I'm doing now and it's kind of just more like a hobby you know I just I can't believe I get to do what I'm doing now for a living you know sometimes I make good sometimes I don't but it's okay you know but as far as you know and the thing is the one thing about being sober I want to go back for a second because I didn't talk about this is that six months after I got sober my kid brother told me this was the Nava Club right he came in the A.A. right behind me and right and after I got sober I didn't mention it I kind of get sidetracked when I was living with him and I was a couple I don't know when I fricked my white chip up I went back to his house and I was living with him and his wife and he's sitting there smoking a joint saying hey you want to hit this within a day or two I moved back home to my parents for like the first nine months I was sober and their rule was no drinking or drugging well a couple months later him and his wife had a doubt and he moved back home my mom and he got sober as well at about six months I was about six months sober when he got sober and he stayed around about two and a half years you know and the thing is you know our drinking was different you know I didn't think he was an alcoholic I didn't know if he was an alcoholic he had three DUIs but all three of them were like fluke DUIs when he was like real bad drunk DUIs you know but he had three of them and but he stayed around you know a couple of years I told my I volunteered I told my story for his first 80th birthday and I thought hey we're sober together forever you know but you know for whatever reason like I said our drinking patterns were different severely different and and so after about two and a half years he actually he decided the first wife left he had another girl she smokes pot he was a huge pothead that drank you know so he started smoking pot again he started drinking again in the next 10 years he went from a pothead that drank to a drinker that smoked pot I'd never witnessed that happen that closely and he just started smoking pot less and started drinking more and his late 20s started having blackouts I don't know I've had blackouts since I was 13 you know and I've witnessed some of his close up blackouts you know and they're really kind of weird to watch in person you know because I never watched myself have a blackout you know but you know he just and he would pop back in to AA every once in a while and his last wife he'd met her in AA and she was more messed up than he was when he was 34 he committed suicide and and he he'd his oldest daughter was 13 years old and he had four kids you know that's just you know that's part of the reality we live in you know so so what I found is for anybody that stays sober any length of time at some point in their life at some point in my life my sobriety and alcoholics and monogamy has become the most important thing in my entire life you know and there's a lot of you don't have so much time to speak about everything but there's you know and I have to live it like that you know and so my wife that I have now being a different nationality has challenged me with that a lot you know and I don't want to go into details of that but you know there's certain things I have to do to stay here you know and I treasure that you know I could not imagine my wife today with you know if I ever relapse but you know I was told before the meeting a sponsor I had in the mid 90's after many many years of not drinking decided to smoke some pot and I was like you know I just I can't imagine that guy doing that but you know the reality is I have to stay I have to stay here and go to as many meetings as possible and so today for myself I still do most of the same things I did when I first got here I try to go four to five meetings a week I surround myself around people that hopefully have been here longer but you know I've been here a pretty good while but I try to put myself in the middle of some really strong A people and meet as many new guys and work with them as I can you know but this is an amazing lifestyle you know I could not imagine my life any other way you know I tell you it's also I was told is uh you know when you go to a meeting they have a lot of old timers the one thing that they go through that if you're is they've all gone through lots of people dying from this stuff you know so if they just they're quicker to help straighten you out you know they don't want to see you die you know and what I've learned is nobody wants to see anybody die from this you know I've seen lots of people die from this you know I've known lots of people that died my brother's just one of them you know you know it's it's it's a pretty serious thing you know and we have a lot we have a handful of family members you know that have had issues with this in and out in and out of the program uh especially one enjoyed it thank you enjoyed that very much thanks again let's get another round of hands really good stuff we've got one special medallion we're giving out tonight but I'm going to get uh Tim to give out the regular chips yeah I'm Tim I'm an alcoholic that's great Phil thanks a lot uh white chip is for anybody that wants to just stay sober give it a shot for 24 hours would anybody like to pick up a white chip tonight coming in or coming back come on up buddy hang around and talk with some folks after the meeting anybody else want a white chip you can have some anybody have 60 days oh I'm sorry 30 days 30 days anybody have 30 days anybody have 60 days 90 days 60 days 90 days 60 days how many months you have how many weeks six months anybody have nine months or a year or multiples congratulations on the chips you have I'm up here Mike all right it's a real honor to give my friend Mike his his chip I'll let him tell you how many years and I'll let him tell you how he did it but uh you know in the rooms we talk about doing the deal and this guy does the deal and he gets the results and he's one of my best friends I love him very much I actually kept the game for what? I'm a fan of the game right now I'm a fan of the game right now Thanks, Mike. Congratulations. I'm Mike. I'm an alcoholic and other things. This is eight. I started here eight years ago, and I came every day, and I was just beaten down so badly that I listened to what people were telling me to do and did it. And, you know, the days turned into months and months turned into years, and, you know, now it's eight years, and life is immeasurably better than I ever thought it could be. So, thanks, Phil. I really enjoyed your story, by the way. That was great. I needed to hear that. Thanks. That's good stuff. First I slept, and then I crept to a hope-filled dream. You rescued me, and finally, again, there I see. Looking for a story where I'll sometimes quit, sometimes flow. It's just what we need on a broad highway for a struck eternal mercy.