Restraint of Tongue and Pen — the Part of Step 10 That Actually Brings Peace – Russell S.

About This Speaker Tape

Russell S., a lawyer with 45 years of sobriety at the time of this recording, delivers a characteristically blunt and hilarious talk on Step 10 at the Simply The Steps Group in Hollywood, Florida. He opens by tossing Krispy Kreme donuts to the audience and warns them not to expect too much, then launches into a deeply experienced perspective on the tenth step that goes far beyond the standard "promptly admitted it" reading. Russell argues that after decades of doing the steps, your understanding of them should evolve — and if it hasn't, something is wrong.

The heart of the talk is Russell's two tenth-step stories. The first is his classic tale from early sobriety: he threatened to wrap a phone cord around his secretary Valerie's head, heard the tenth-step voice on the stairs, went back and apologized, and went home to watch TV with his son instead of drinking at a bar. That's the tenth step most people know — screw up, recognize it, make amends. But Russell says that's the beginner version. The real tenth step, the one that comes after "repeated humiliations and the final crushing of self-sufficiency," is about restraint of tongue and pen — not needing to make amends because you've stopped doing the harmful things in the first place.

Russell ties this evolution to the sixth and seventh steps, arguing that people make the mistake of worshipping the steps themselves rather than understanding that the steps are tools pointing toward Higher Power. He hammers the line "don't take yourself too seriously" as one of the most underappreciated instructions in the Big Book, and challenges the room to consider whether they actually want peace or just want to be good at doing steps. He closes by noting that all he can do is try to carry the message — what happens on the other end is the listener's responsibility.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Russell introduces himself, 46th year of sobriety, hands out Krispy Kreme donuts to the audience
• 3:30 The committee in your head — Yankee Stadium full of people moving around in your brain, the inability to stop thinking
• 7:00 Alcoholic delusion — the book says we cannot separate truth from false, our alcoholic thinking seems normal to us
• 10:00 Bill Wilson wrote the Big Book at three years sober — saying things that come through you rather than from you
• 15:00 How your perception of the steps changes at 1, 5, 10, 20 years — each stage looks back at the previous one as inadequate
• 20:00 The Valerie story — threatening his secretary, hearing the tenth-step voice on the stairs, going back to apologize
• 27:00 The evolved tenth step: restraint of tongue and pen — stop needing amends by not doing harmful things in the first place
• 31:00 Steps are tools, not the solution — the mistake of worshipping the steps instead of relying on Higher Power to change your personality
• 35:00 Higher Power gave you a brain so He could use it — upon awakening, ask Higher Power to direct your thinking
• 38:00 Don't take yourself too seriously — trying to carry the message vs. actually carrying it, closing remarks