Reading the Tenth Step Out of the 12 and 12 Is How I Check the Day Before It Piles Up – Jeff H.

About This Speaker Tape

Jeff H. tells his story at the Monday Night Blue Chips meeting at the Nava Club, sober since December 19, 2009. He opens by admitting he agreed to share because he tells newcomers to push through fear, and he refuses to be a hypocrite. He reflects on grace as "unmerited divine assistance" and says his sobriety feels graced — not something he has the right to keep to himself.

Growing up in Stone Mountain with an ex-Marine alcoholic father and a mother holding the family together, Jeff started drinking at 13. He remembers his first drink vividly — the weather, the taste of gin and Coke, falling down without feeling pain. He loved not having to feel. At 16 his parents tricked him into Straight Incorporated, where over 11 months he learned fellowship almost by accident. He got a couple years sober, then a Valentine's Day glass of champagne turned into twenty more years of drinking and drugs, legal trouble in Cobb County, peeing dirty on pretrial, and convincing himself he'd live Thelma-and-Louise on the run.

He got sober at Complete Abandon after a Higher Power put his first sponsor Tim in the triangle parking lot. Four years there built his foundation: a meeting every day, commitments, chairing, helping guys. He's now at the 545 Howard's group, has a sponsor, sponsors others, just got nominated GSR, and is being nominated for the board. He recites How It Works when the alcoholic mind whispers "fuck my life." He journals — or tries to, buying fancy pens to feel like a real journaler — reads the 10th step out of the 12 and 12, and admits the pattern of stopping things once they start working.

The hardest part of sobriety now is being present for his mother, who is entering early dementia and a care facility she doesn't want to be in. She saved his life more than a handful of times; now he gets to step up. His father died fast from cirrhosis and diabetes a couple years ago. Jeff closes on the quality of his problems — french fries or onion rings instead of wanting his life to end — and the duty he feels to suit up, show up, and not sit on the gift.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Amy opens the Monday Night Blue Chips meeting at the Nava Club and reads the Big Book page 29 preamble
• 2:30 Jeff introduced — sobriety date 12-19-09, home group 545 Howard's, brings a water bottle because he gets cotton mouth
• 5:00 Jeff defines grace as "unmerited divine assistance" and says he has no right to sit on a graced sobriety
• 9:00 Childhood in Stone Mountain — ex-Marine alcoholic father preaching mind over matter, mother holding everything together
• 14:00 First drink at 13 — gin and Coke, rolling a house, falling down and not feeling the pain, the moment he learned not to feel
• 20:00 Faked into Straight Incorporated at 16 — 11 months of motivating in chairs and learning fellowship against his will
• 28:00 Valentine's Day bottle of champagne at two years sober kicks off twenty more years of drinking and drug use
• 36:00 Watching Intervention on A&E, identifying with the Fentanyl lollipop woman, then driving to triangle where sponsor Tim was waiting in the parking lot
• 45:00 Four years at Complete Abandon — a meeting every day, accountability, building a foundation he still leans on
• 56:00 Mother's decline and dementia — Jeff closes on duty, presence, and french fries vs onion rings as the new quality of his problems