Picked an Anchorman for My Sponsor Just So I Could Brag About Knowing a Celebrity – Pat M.

Alright, let's have an AA meeting.
My name is Chris Ward. I'm a Grateful Recovered Alcoholic.
Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting at the Napa Club,
where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story.
Okay, this reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Each individual in our personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view
the way they establish their relationship with God.
These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives.
We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste.
Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabluchipspeakers.org
desperately in need will hear our speaker, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems
that any of us shall be persuaded to say,
Yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing.
We hope no one will consider this passage of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety
and have us on the same page as you are.
Thank you.
Thank you.
My name is Pat McDonald and I am an alcoholic.
My sobriety date is September 15, 1975.
I just celebrated my 41st anniversary birthday, whatever we call it.
it's been a phenomenal
41 years
I'll say this now
the promises that were read
if you stay around long enough
at the beginning just don't drink
and then start
getting involved in the program
going to more meetings
getting a sponsor
doing the steps
getting involved by making coffee
doing the stupid little things your sponsor tells you to do
you will see that the promises
really under promise
I can't imagine from where I was
when I got into this program
to where I am now
it's night and day
I grew up in Philadelphia
I was one of seven kids
Irish Catholic family
seven kids in nine years
my parents practiced Vatican roulette
and they just banged out the kids
I say this
I've got to change it
because I likened our family
and how we grew up
as the Waltons of West Philadelphia
but there's so many young people now
they don't know who the Waltons are
it's an old TV show back in the 70's
so that's who the Waltons are
we were a close-knit family
my dad owned a bar in Philadelphia
in West Philadelphia
and we lived over the bar
until I was about 16
and it was a shot and beer bar
it was not a fancy bar
it was called McDonald's Cafe
it wasn't much of a cafe
anyway
we
I grew up
and the one thing that I hear a lot
when I hear people sharing their stories
that I identify with
is that there's that little disconnect inside
sometimes it's big
sometimes it's small
but in my life there was a disconnect
and even though I knew my family loved me
and they cared for me
and would do anything for me
I grew up in a family
I just never really fit in
I just felt different
that's just the way I was
and I don't know why that was
and it was just that way
I grew up
and I played sports
I was pretty much a shy person
didn't like
I was standoffish
just
again felt different
when I got into my teen years
I remember getting on the bus to go to high school
and I had to take a bus and then a trolley to get to high school
and
going there
the girls from West Catholic High School
get on the bus
and boy they were
all I remember they were good looking Italian girls
and all I wanted to do was go up and say hi
and I couldn't
I mean I just sat back there and I just
I just wouldn't go
and that was the way it was all the time
freshman year
junior year
freshman and sophomore
and then my junior year in summer
I was introduced to my first drinking episode
I had two 16 ounce cans of Colt 45
and after the second can
I had to drink a lot of water
and I had to drink a lot of water
and I had to drink a lot of water
and I had to drink a lot of water
and I had to drink a lot of water
I could talk to girls
I could tell funny jokes
people would laugh
people would say all these good things
and
it almost
from the very beginning
I remember saying to myself
this is what I need
to feel like what I think you feel like
because I was always comparing
my insides to your outsides
and you seem to have it together
more than I ever did
and I think that's what I need to do
and I think that's what I need to do
and I always was envy of that
I always wanted to be you
or I wanted to be somebody else than me
and that's when my drinking began
I drank for 10 years
I drank on the weekends
when I could
in high school
in college
I got kicked out of my first college
I do hold a record there
I got a scholarship
to go play football at Virginia Tech
and
I got a scholarship to go play football at Virginia Tech
and
I got a scholarship to go play football at Virginia Tech
I had 173 cuts
my first year
and
you just don't last long in school
if you cut that much
and the coach called me in
he said you're really not serious about
school are you
I said well not here I'm not
and he let me go
and I was out of a scholarship
that was 1967
and
I got
fortunate
and I was
I got into the Army Reserve
and the only thing I remember about being in the Army Reserve
is that when we were allowed to drink
I drank
and
again that
well
good well feeling
the feeling good about myself
and getting along with people
I felt
I was always that way
I just
just felt great
and
and
I often say this
that if you're here
and you're new
and alcohol was magic
the first couple years of your drinking
welcome
because it was magic for me
it was the reason I drank
I could not stand the taste of alcohol
I don't know about
I noticed people out there
they love that
every two, three, four drinks
that I ever drank
I made that
drinker's face
you know
and then just
there was a
a
a rye whiskey
my dad used to sell
called Kessler's
and
it had on its label said
smooth as silk
and if you ever drank that stuff
it wasn't smooth as silk
but after the fourth drink
it was smooth as silk
and now I know how they came up with that
because the guy who ever wrote that
sales line
he must have had four or five shots in them
he is smooth as silk
and that's how I got it
I don't know
but that's
that's how it came to me
so
uh
I
I was
you know
I can only say this
I drank
put it this way
if
Diet Pepsi
or milkshakes
or water
gave me the feeling
that alcohol did
when I first started drinking
I probably
would have
you know
drank that
I drank
all through college
really no bad effects
I didn't
you know
get drunk
and
I didn't
but
you know
I shook off to hangovers
and they were
no big thing
after
my senior year
I went to
my first episode
in the bad
driving incident
was
I totaled my sister's car
I ran it into a
a wall
in Westchester, Pennsylvania
and the reason I didn't get a DUI
that time
is because
the state trooper
thought I lost my right eye
and I was like
it was so full of blood
and the skin was hanging down
and everything
that he said
we're going to give you
a reckless driving
you lost an eye
and lo and behold
they just
you know
there's all kinds of stitches
and you can hardly see them today
but
I was fortunate
to get the busted eye like that
not to get a DUI
I had various episodes like that
I graduated
in 1972
from Villanova
I played football there
I had a great career
I had a pretty good career
my junior year
I was
you know
having fun
life was great
school was good
drinking was fun
my dating career
was good
everything was great
flipped on my senior year
came back
had a run in
with my coach
and after the fourth game
I told him where to go
he told me where to go
and he won
it's that rock paper scissors game
he was the scissors
and I was the paper
he cut me
so
that was it
I just
left there
and then I started
you know drinking
and
when you're 21
in the McDonald's family
you become a bartender
and
I wasn't playing football anymore
so
I became a bartender
now
where my dad's bar
in West Philadelphia was
was
it is
and was
a pretty tough neighborhood
my dad was held up
bartending there
and
I was
I had the privilege of being
held up
having a gun put in my face
and
they
they came in
the police came in and said
can you describe it
and I said I described it
and he said can you describe the gun
and I said yeah it was a big gun
it wasn't Dirty Harry big
but it was a snub nose
and it was
it looked big
he said probably a .32
I said yeah kind of
kind of like what you have
and all that
they caught the guy the next night
he had a starter's pistol
and the detective told me
he said well
you know
when you're looking
that way at the gun
it gets bigger and bigger all the time
and I said
well you got that one
right
because
I found out a couple things
I
that night when he put a gun in my face
it wasn't John Wayne
I
my first episode of being a crisis Christian
I said God if you get me out of this one
I will never do anything bad again
ever
and that was
what it was
from that moment on
in my career
bartending for my dad
I
I started to drink at the bar behind the bar
because we had a lot of bad people come into my dad's bar
I mean bad people
and to calm my nerves I just drank
and it worked
it just constantly worked
and it was
you know I drank
and we sold the bar
in 1972
and I graduated
and
and then I got into different jobs
and
my drinking turned
I don't know about you
but
I went from drinking
with no
no ill effects
it gave me the buzz I was looking for
and everything was fine
and then as a member
what I said earlier
that if alcohol was magic for you
when you first started drinking
it will be a bitch at the end
it'll kick your butt
and that's what I'm talking about here now
That's what it was starting to do for me, to me.
I got into trying to figure out how to control my drinking.
I don't know if anybody saw it, but today there was an article in U.S. World Reports or whatever, a magazine.
It said, how many drinks does it take to make you an alcoholic?
Great question.
One of the questions that they asked, they said, do you ever lie about your drinking?
Well, I knew that if you lied about your drinking, you were an alcoholic.
So I never lied about my drinking.
I never did.
I thought I was having a heart attack one Monday morning after drinking really bad that weekend.
It was a homecoming weekend, and I really tied one on.
And the ER doctor, she asked me, she said, how many drinks did you have?
And I said, it must have been, you know, four cases of beer or whatever was there.
And all I remember her telling me was, you shouldn't drink beer.
Now, I'm sure she said, you shouldn't drink so much beer.
But I already heard you shouldn't drink beer.
Well, from that moment on, I moved to scotch.
I said, hell, don't drink beer.
Maybe that's my issue.
So I went to scotch.
And lo and behold, it, you know, I don't know about you, towards the end of my drinking,
I never wanted to get that drunk.
I just wanted to get the buzz going and keep it as long as I possibly could and then go home and sleep.
And I remember numerous times saying, oh, shit, I passed that mark one more time.
How do you go back?
You can't go back.
I couldn't go back.
Try to slow it down.
Just never worked.
And that was, you know, my last couple of years of drinking.
The magic stopped.
If you are the first person that realizes what alcohol does for you when you first start drinking,
if you're anything like me, you are the last person to realize what it's doing to you.
Because it was kicking my butt.
And that's when,
friends, family, people try to help me with my drinking and say, you got to slow down.
You got to do this.
You got to do that.
You got to do this.
I've heard all that.
But my big cry at that time was, and coming early into the program, you just don't understand.
You just don't understand.
The great cry of the last phase of your active drinking or my active,
drinking and the and the beginning of my sobriety was you don't understand.
And that's just the way I was.
I look at that now and I can see that.
I'll tell you, if you're if you're in the in the program, how many people are here less than, say, 60 days?
OK.
Um, I don't know where you are, but I'm working with.
So.
People in the program that are under six months sobriety and every one of them have told me this.
And I started laughing when they told me this.
Two of them are my nephews.
Both of them said at different times, Uncle Pat, you don't understand.
And and excuse me, I thought I silenced that, but I'm sorry.
Actually, that's one of my nephews.
You still don't understand.
You got that right.
And it is that that was my cry to the people in Ardmore when I first got sober.
I remember sitting around the clubhouse in Ardmore saying to them, crying, my unwinding and doing all the stuff at the table at the coffee table.
And then and then.
Not really giving me the attention I thought I deserved.
And then and then I finally said to him, I said, you guys just don't understand.
And all six or seven of them, how many of them?
They just start laughing at me.
And I said, geez, that's not funny.
And, you know, they start laughing at me.
And then I realized that the longer I stayed into the program, they did understand.
And that laughter wasn't a laughter of ridicule.
It was a laughter of I identify with where you're at and just keep coming back.
Just don't drink.
Go to another meeting.
Get a sponsor.
Get involved and see what happens to you.
My sponsor told me.
He said, Pat, give us 90 days.
Don't drink.
Go to meetings.
And if you think that you're not an alcoholic, we'll gladly refund your misery.
And I don't know about you.
My last six months, last year of drinking was absolutely misery.
I drank about 60 times.
I didn't drink daily because I knew if you drank every day, and especially if you drank in the morning, you were an alcoholic.
So if you only drank once.
Once a week and then maybe every third or fourth week, you went out on a bender on a Wednesday night that didn't make you an alcoholic that just made you a heavy drinker.
And that's what I was, I thought.
And I couldn't control it.
I remember driving home twice of those approximately 70 times of drinking.
I was a blackout drinker.
Some of my fine episodes where I drove along the way on the Garden State Parkway only to be arrested.
I was a blackout drinker.
Some of my fine episodes where I drove along the way on the Garden State Parkway only to be arrested.
I was a blackout drinker.
Some of my fine episodes where I drove along the way on the Garden State Parkway only to be arrested.
I was a blackout drinker.
Some of my fine episodes where I drove along the way on the Garden State Parkway only to be arrested.
And that's why I was suddenly arrested, taken to Tom's River and didn't like the idea.
But I could drive in Pennsylvania.
So I drove in Pennsylvania.
When I got caught in the white-horse bike in New Jersey and this is the weirdest thing that ever happened to me in my drinking.
I was going down the white horse bike in New Jersey speeding, and another state trooper pulled me over.
I was going down the white-horse bike in New Jersey speed and another state trooper pulled me over.
like three months after I got stopped
and in New Jersey
at the time, they didn't play games
if you got stopped the second
time, you were picking cherries in
Cape May
and that's why I go, oh no
I'm going to
I'm going to be arrested again, I'm going to
jail this time
and the girl I was with, all she said
was, good for you, you son of a bitch
I thought she needed
Al-Anon right then, I didn't even know what
Al-Anon was
anyway, that was
I got out of the car, at that time
you could get out of the car
I went up to the, you know, I gave the
insurance card, my driver's
license
and the state trooper
goes, you're McDonald
I go, oh
damn, I got the state trooper
arrested me the first time
and it turns out
this state trooper went to high school
with my brother Alex
and he says, you used to live
at 56 and Lansdowne
we used to catty corner
over the dry cleaners
and I go, oh man, he said, do me a favor
drive down to the circle, there's a diner
right around the circle, the white horse bike
you sit there for three hours, you do not
come out, you have coffee, and that's all you can do
I got
in the car, and she said, you're the
luckiest son of a bitch I've ever met
and that
that was one of my drinking episodes
I got another time, I went over
the Ben Franklin Bridge
the wrong way
you know, they don't have the
back then, they didn't have the
cement dividers, they only had
the red lights and green lights
and you just stayed in the green lights
if you're going over to New Jersey
and you stayed out of the red
I drove down to two red lights
and they stopped
me again
and they asked me if I was drinking
and I said, sure
they said, go over to the White House
sit there, don't come out
and I got away with it
it was just absolutely amazing
how I got away with it
I look back on it now
my last year of drinking
I don't know where any of you are
in your last year of drinking
or where you were
but in my last year of drinking
I tried working out
I tried controlling my drinking
I know when I was drinking scotch
I had three glasses
I had had the bartender put a glass of
scotch on rocks
club soda
with ice
and a glass of ice
and I said I wouldn't have another drink
until all the ice was gone
in all three glasses
it didn't work
got drunk
just crazy stuff like that
I got into vitamins
I read a book
Let's Eat Right to Stay Fit
I figured I was...
you know...
my problem was
I'm not eating right
it's not that I'm drinking
it's that I'm not eating right things
I took up to 44 vitamins a day
I mean really
it's like overkill
but you know what
the only thing good comes out of that
you pee gold
you're taking too many B vitamins
that's all
okay
I remember the first time that happened
it scared the hell out of me
I went to the doctor
they said what is it?
what are you doing?
I said
you're taking too many B vitamins
okay
I remember driving home from bartending
and the
3 o'clock in the morning
after I closed the bar down
the...
there was some late night show
I don't know if anybody listens to late night radio
there's some weird stuff on
there was weird stuff on back in 75
and I remember people talking then
and this one person
I thought had some great advice
about how life was
and everything else
and I'm thinking
wow this is really something
I woke up the next morning
and it just dawned on me
I said
if you have to give advice at 3 o'clock in the morning
over the radio
how good advice is it?
and that didn't work
so the working out
the vitamins
spirituality
anything didn't work out
I had a bartender say
you know
it's not that you drink too much
but you smoke too much
and I quit smoking
April of 1975
I quit smoking
I was smoking 2 packs a day
and when I drank
I smoked 3
you know it was a
all the time
and it made sense to me
I said okay I'm going to quit
I had another person say
you know you put too much sugar and cream in your coffee
that's your problem
I drink my coffee black today
you know
because I figured it couldn't be the alcohol
you just don't understand
the alcohol is what made me feel like you feel
where I thought you felt
and that's all I wanted to do in life
just to be able to fit in
well
my brother
we had some great drinking episodes
we got into a bunch of fights in New York City
and Philadelphia
and just crazy stuff
he moved out to California
and
in California
he was the manager of a very large Cadillac dealership
in Los Angeles
and
after my drinking episodes on Monday
or Sunday
I would call him up on Monday
and say I did it again
I got drunk
I really didn't want to get that drunk
and boy oh boy
and this time
it was
sometime in April
he started talking to me
and he said
you know
we used to have some great times drinking
and I said yep
we sure did
boy they were great
remember the times we were in
St. Patty's Day in New York
oh man they were great
remember the time we used to go down the shore
oh yeah that was great
and then he dropped a bombshell
he said well Pat
you know I found out that I drank too much
and I don't drink anymore
I'm in AA
that's as quiet as we were on the phone
all I remember
it was one of those phones we had
it was one of those phones with the cords on them
I held it out there
and I go
John I gotta go
I'll talk to you later
I didn't talk to him for four months
I did not talk to him because
I didn't want him to tell me I
he had a drinking problem
and he's in AA
and maybe I should try AA
I just wanted a job
why are you
screwing things up like that for
the last six months of my drinking
was just brutal
I mean
it was trying to figure out
how to beat the game
without
beating myself
and
as I said
if
if alcohol
if it was as magic
to you
as it was to me
my first seven years
it eventually
extracts a major price
my last three years
it extracted a price
and as I said earlier
I was the first one to realize
what it was doing for me
last one to realize
what it was doing to me
my last six months
I had
I was kicked out of
all my
brothers and sisters homes
I was also
kicked out of an apartment
I shared with a couple guys
that
went to Villanova with
nobody
wanted me around
my
last drink
was September 1st
1975
and
we were
about three or four of us
were
down the shore drinking
and I drove back
in a blackout
what I remember
coming out of that blackout
was
a friend
you'll get a kick out of his name
was Soggy
because
he wasn't the sharpest
guy in the world
they had great nicknames back then
if you
you were kind of slow
they called you Soggy
here he goes
hey little Soggy
that's Soggy
he was chasing me
with a quart bottle of beer
trying to crack my head open
with it
because apparently
the guys that I was driving
were terrified
of my driving
however I was driving
and
that was it
and that was September 1st
it was Labor Day
1975
and
I remember
going to
my folks home
going to get
the
young people don't even know
yellow pages
I wanted to get the yellow pages
and
I was looking up
alcoholics around us
and
where the hell do I go
and then lo and behold
there
319 AA
in Ardmore Pennsylvania
10 minutes away
and I always thought
if you ever saw this club
anytime you saw AA on the door
you always thought it was about
you always thought
it was a bookie joint
in Philadelphia
because you just
you know
it was
it was
athletics club
or athletics association
or something like that
you just thought
they were taking numbers in there
and
I drove by
and I said
there it is right there
and
lo and behold
you know
I didn't know
they had a back door
and Lancaster Avenue
is a pretty busy street
and
I really didn't want to walk up
the front door
but I did the first meeting
and that's when I realized
that there was a back door
and I said
now I know how to get in here
and I sat down at my first meeting
and
didn't identify with anybody
didn't drink like you
didn't you know
I had all the
that's not me
that's not me
what do you know
that's not me
however
I didn't drink that week
came back the following Sunday
and I heard somebody talk
and
you know
and
didn't really identify with anybody
but there was a marine
just came up
and just stuck his finger
right in my chest
and said
you know
if you don't go to more meetings
you're going to get drunk
F you
what do you know
now that's why I said
under my breath
remember he's a marine
I didn't want to get my butt kicked
I was like
hmm
and
so I
what I did was
I stayed sober
for two weeks
just to let him know
hey I didn't get to a meeting
and I'm sober
and I didn't get to a meeting
and I'm sober another week
and he said
good
he said
it works better
if you get to more meetings
I did
and then
one night
I was still bartending
at another bar
and
I closed the bar down
you know
it was about one o'clock
and lo and behold
I said
what am I going to do
one o'clock
twelve thirty
I don't want to go home
and
I said
you know what
I'll try the clubhouse
so I went to the clubhouse
and
the clubhouse
was long and narrow
and there was like
four tables
and
two tables were together
and then
two other tables
at the end of the first table
I sat down
for a quick getaway
the closest to the door
um
and
there was
four or five guys
in suits and ties
sitting at the other end
and
and one of them
had a big booming voice
I just laughed
and
I'm looking
looking at him and said
boy that guy sounds familiar
he really sounds familiar
and I'm looking at him
and I said
who is this guy
he talks a little bit more
and I had coffee
I'm sipping
and Tom said
son of a bitch
that's Barney Morris
he was an anchorman
at Philadelphia at the time
and I'm
realized that he's
he's a
TV anchorman
and I'm going
where's the cameras
I'm thinking they're doing
some type of AA story
in here
and
I got up and left
I just ran right out of there
I said
oh I'm getting the hell out of here
um
so much for anonymity
um
boom
I bought it
well
I went to another meeting
and at this time
I was being told
you know
fourth week
fifth week
got a sponsor yet
and
I went to another meeting
and
at this time
I was being told
got a sponsor yet
no
it's about time
to get a sponsor
and
we love to be told
what to do
early on
I just
think that that
you know
hair rises up
on the back of your neck
what the hell do you know
well I'm only sober
three years
maybe I can help you out
with that
and
anyway
um
that Thursday
I went to a meeting
and it was in
a little town called
Narbeth Pennsylvania
a little town
a little community
neighborhood
and
lo and behold
that
big booming voice
is up there
leaning the meeting
oh shit
he started the meeting
there with his wife
I'm there
and I'm thinking
okay
I'm sitting there
he comes up to me
after the meeting
he says
hey
I saw you the other night
you kind of left early
you wanted to get by
and say hi
and all this
you know
here's
this anchor man
talking to me
a bartender
at a shot and beer bar
you gotta be kidding me
and
he said
here's my card
WCAU
CBS
you know
anchor
Barney Morris
and he put his
home number
behind it
there was no cell phones
back then
his home number
I had his home number
and he said
son of a bitch
there's Barney Morris
an anchor man
giving me this
I was humbled
and he said
yeah
I'd like to see you again
if you're
you know
want to do something
give a call
from
give a call
from
I said
that's the last time
I'll see you
I ain't coming to this
meeting anymore
that Friday
the next day
I figured
I'm not going to go to
Ardmore
or Norbert
or West Philadelphia
because
he might show up
at those meetings
I'm going to go to a meeting
in Westchester
now
Westchester is like
going to Alpharetta
from here
that's how far away it is
it's just far
son of a bitch
and I'm thinking
there's something happening here
I don't know what the hell it is
and I was sharing that
one time
at a meeting
in California
the guy came up
and he said
you know Pat
those things
that you were describing
are what we call
is an
AA coincidence
so you know
what's that
he said
it's a miracle
performed by God
when he wants
to remain anonymous
and
boy
I hope
you stick around
long enough
to have
that
experience
of those
AA
coincidences
that time
he didn't
ask me to call him
he said
call me
tonight
at 1130
when I get off
the 11 o'clock news
I said
I'm bartending
so call me
at 1130
ok
I wanted to
I
wanted to
please him
he was an anchor man
I wanted to
you know
people like that
and
I called him
1130 on the
back then
it was
changed
you had to go
make the call
on the
pay phone
I'm at the bar
hello morning
this is Pat
you know
he said
you're whispering
I said
yeah I'm at a bar
bartending
I can't tell you
hey
you know
anyway
he
he said
well
what are you doing tomorrow
ask him to be my sponsor
um
I'll show you how sincere I was
I didn't ask him to be my sponsor
for only one
only one reason
was he was a celebrity
and I wanted to be
close to being
next to a celebrity
that was the only reason
my intentions weren't pure and chaste
they were
he's a celebrity
and that's that
after about
a month of that
I finally fessed up
and I said
you know Barney
I
I gotta tell you
the only reason I asked you to be my sponsor
is you're an anchorman
and
I can tell people
I know who Barney
and Mayor Morris is
and all that crap
he said
okay
he said
did it keep you sober
did you drink
I said
no I didn't drink
get me sober
he said
well
help me
so
he said
don't worry about it
he was
he said
that's a step in the right direction
he did goofy things
I used to have a
a van
I used to
I got fired from that bartending job
and I really got pissed
of what I got fired from
I was a thief
but I wasn't as big a thief as
as my nephew
no
actually
I can't
I can't take his inventory
and say he was a thief
but it's a pain in the ass
I can't say that
anyway
sorry about that
I was a thief
and
and
the reason
I was so angry
at him
getting fired
by the owner
was
because
I was a thief
and
the reason
I was so angry
at him
getting fired
by the owner
was because
I wasn't as big a thief
as the four other bartenders were
because when I got hired
as a bartender
they said
you got to knock down
50 bucks
out of the till
every night
what are you talking about
he said
well you got to
you know
hold out 50 bucks
put in your pocket
I said
well why won't I do that
he said
it's not my money
he said
well if you don't do that
the owner's going to realize
that we're going to
you know
you've been
all the bartenders
have been taking money from them
if you show in
the right register
it ain't going to work
well
I compromised
I took 20
I didn't go
take the 50
I said
I'll just take 20
and satisfy them
and not be
as big a thief
as
that was a tough
amends to make
I had to pay back
I don't
I paid back
I don't know how much
a couple hundred bucks
whatever
and
I got fired
from that job
and then
I got a job
as selling
nailing
and stapling guns
and
like you see
roofers
and carpenters
used to nail down wood
and sub floors
and ceiling
and tiles
problem with that job
is you're dealing
with roofers
all the time
and guess what
I'm terrified
of heights
I can't get up
on the three rungs
of a ladder
without getting woozy
so
I didn't make it
as
but I had
all this stuff
in my van
and
he got in the van
one day
and he said
if your van
is this messy
your mind
is
messed up
well
what the hell
are you talking about
this is a van
what's that got to do
with my mind
and he said
everything
he said
your life's not in order
this represents
what your life is
like
I got a real
big resentment
on that
and he said
get over it
and I did
but
that helped me
that helped me
and I was
grateful
that he told me
those things
because
I share those things
now with
the new people
that I work with
and they get a little
resentful
and they get a little
angry
and I say good
I
you know
I'm
I'm happy
that you're
angry at that
it should make you
angry at that
you know
I don't like to
I didn't like
being undressed
by my sponsor
but you know what
it was part
of me
growing up
and it meant
everything
to me
um
I
as I said
I
stopped drinking
in 1975
um
biggest part
of my
I retired
recently
um
and I've been
I was blessed
and
and I'm working
now with
new people
and I'm working
with
I mentioned
my nephew
and I had a
one of my nephews
called me
yesterday
and he said
you know
I
I just wanted
to tell you
and he's about
four and a half
months sober now
and he said
I'm thankful
to be
grateful
oh wow
that is a
big
big
step
from where
he was
because
35
36 years
old
he
he couldn't
see himself
not drinking
for the rest
of his life
he just
how are you
how are you going
to not drink
for the rest
of your life
um
and he didn't
believe me
and I said
you just
do it a day
at a time
you get to a meeting
and
you listen
you participate
you get a sponsor
you do the things
that you need to do
to stay sober
in this program
and
he went from
one of those people
I told you about
that
you just don't
understand
yes I do
to now
he's to
saying
I do understand
I had
I was glad
to share with him
what my sponsor
shared with me
uh yesterday
and that was
you know Pat
I can tell people
that I'm sober
seven or eight years
and that's how long
he was sober
at the time
he said
but
the person that has
less than a month
than they are
with my seven
and eight years
so don't say
you don't have
something to share
because if you have
two days
or somebody
has one day
share how you made
it to the second day
if you have
31 days
or somebody
has 30
tell them how you got
to that 31st day
and
I was happy
to do that
in AA
they say
there are
paradox
and
I always
screw this up
but I'm going
to try it anyway
but it's
you know
I'm a guy
who died
to live
you got to
give it away
to keep it
I'm a big
believer
in that
we got to
surrender
to win
boy that was
a tough one
you talk
to somebody
who
who is
competitive
in sports
you just
don't surrender
you know
you might get
your ass kicked
but you
don't surrender
They brought in 73 of us as my freshman year.
And the first two weeks, there was 27 left.
They ran everybody off.
At the end of the year, there was 13, and I was one of the 13.
And somebody asked me, well, why did you stay if you didn't like it so much?
I said, well, it's easy.
As bad as it was here, I'd have been killed if I went back home.
It's easier to say I got thrown out of school than I quit, and we just didn't quit.
So to surrender to win was, you know, crazy.
But I heard somebody once say in this program, he said it's like, I think it was Clancy I,
and he shared it, and he said it's like getting into a ring with Muhammad Ali
or Joe Frazier or Mike Tyson.
And this time, you've fought him 10 times now, and you still get knocked out of the ring.
But, you know, this time it's going to be different.
We get back in the ring, and boom, same thing happens.
And finally, we throw in the towel.
And then we get to the corner, and all of a sudden we start feeling better.
So I know how to do it this time.
I'm going to throw little bits of towel in.
And the trick is, throw the towel in, never pick it up, leave it alone, move on.
Surrender to win.
And that is, you know, extremely important to me.
And I can't tell you that, as I said earlier, the promises in this program are unbelievable.
You're cheating yourself if you don't stay in until you have that aha moment.
I've had that now with my nephew yesterday and a couple other guys that I'm working with.
And they finally realize, they say, I get it.
I get it.
And they're giving themselves a chance.
I am so grateful, so grateful that this program.
I have the brother that shared the program with me.
He will have 41 years in December.
He and I had to give up some sobriety days because we misread the 11th step,
thought through prayer and medication.
And I took Valium my first couple of weeks in my spot.
Barney said, you've got to give that up.
You know, he said, we're sober from the neck up and that ain't going to work for you.
And I had to give up 15, 14 days.
Pissed me off.
My first major resentment in AA.
Like, 14 days.
I don't know if you're that early on where 14 days mean a lot.
I understand.
And I'm glad I did.
I have a sister in the program.
She just celebrated 26 years of sobriety.
I have another sister that just celebrated seven years.
Another brother that's 25 years of sobriety.
I have five nephews in this program.
Four of them are doing great.
One's doing okay when he's not drinking.
It's amazing how that works.
So, that's it.
It is three minutes to nine.
And I hate speakers that go too long.
So, I'd rather cut it short.
I want to thank Tim and Tim for asking me.
And for those of you who heard me at the barbecue, I feel sorry for you.
Geez, that's brutal.
I don't know if I want to listen to myself twice.
So, anyway, I want to thank you for being here.
And thank you for the opportunity to share my story.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Things moved out of my way
Running so fast and wild
After time
Trouble struck me
Found a way
To blot it out
Blind as I could be
Every time I got it going on
Knocked back down the stairs
What's the use in hiding now
It's hard to realize
Stop the big debate
Stop the criticize
Love has got the power
There's nothing more you need inside
Surrender
Surrender
Surrender
Surrender to the love
Surrender to the real world
Do you want to move out
Do you want to die
Do you want to give up
Surrender to the chronicles
Or can you change the history
Take your gun take your prize
Or
Do you want to end your life
Just letting you grow
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Forever alone
Find yourself somebody to tell
Don't be all alone
Arm in arm we walk along
Love will carry the land
Surrender, surrender
Surrender, surrender to the love
Surrender, surrender
Surrender
Surrender
Surrender, surrender to the Lord.
Surrender, surrender, surrender to the Lord.
Surrender, surrender, surrender to the Lord.
Surrender, surrender, surrender to the Lord.
Surrender, surrender to the Lord.
Surrender, surrender, surrender to the Lord.
Surrender, surrender.
Surrender, surrender.
Surrender, surrender.
Surrender to the Lord.
Thank you.